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In the Life of a Child

In the Life of a Child
An inside view to the joys of parenting with a sense of humor in a family with two children under the age of five - one with significant medical challenges. Written by a Christian mom surviving on humor and God's grace. Welcome to an inside view of

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Articles

Toof-Faiwy Twap!
2007-08-26 06:34:00
Jacqui is tooth-fairy obsessed. Much of her world these days revolves around a make-believe place - a sort of alternate reality that she has created out of an unlikely assortment of Backyardigans and Max and Ruby episodes (pre-school TV shows), Charlie and Lola books (especially this one), and her own tuity fruity imagination.The current tooth fairy fixation has become a bit problematic of late. Primarily because Jacqui thinks it is taking too long for her teeth to fall out. She's four, mind you. She's actually made me a little paranoid with all her attempted tooth wriggling and I'm worried that her Tuesday dentist appointment will only fuel her unfettered imagination to new cuckoo-nut heights.She still hasn't given up on the possibility of yanking out one of her own teeth, but she has hatched a hair-brained alternative plan: Lure the tooth-fairy in by cramming all kinds of crazy junk under her pillow and then... "TWAP HER!!"This evening when I got home for work, I went to ...
More About: Twap

My Biggest Critic (But I Love Him Anyway...)
2007-08-23 18:59:00
I suppose I had it coming. Earlier in the evening, Ken had accused me of being 'hoity-toity' in reference to my vocabulary. It's really not intentional... well usually it's not (sometimes I do get a kick out of perversely irritating Ken when he chooses to attack my choice of words). I grew up in a 900 square foot house in which no less than 300 square feet of it was occupied by books. We used to read out of the dictionary for fun. Really. For fun.Anyway, Ken and I don't bicker often so as a result we're not very good at it. Ken was attempting to show me something on how to work one of our camera's settings (in way too much detail I might add) that I had asked about and I told him, "Enough already. I got it. Don't be pedantic.""I'm not being peh-whatever. You're being hoity-toity.""I'm not being 'hoity-toity' just because I used a three-syllable word. And you are being pedantic.""Who even talks like that?""Oh, I don't know. Literate people, maybe?""Nobody uses words lik...
More About: Love , Critic

The Button Boy
2007-08-21 20:36:00
Kyle is our little 'Button Boy'. If there is a button to be pushed, whether physical or metaphorical, sooner or later he is going to push it. Remote controls, re-dial buttons on the phone, the start button on the dishwasher that was almost through the dry cycle, the re-boot button on the computer... Doesn't matter. All are doomed to be poked by the teeny-tiny and perpetually sticky index finger of our 16-month-old. As a result, we have showered him with a myriad of the world's most annoying toys in a futile attempt at keeping his inquisitive little mitts occupied. This has led to an alarming escalation in our non-prescription pharmaceutical purchases of the headache-relief variety. For those of you who have ever wondered what life with the two-and-under set is like, read on...Note:If you wish to fully comprehend the experience, keep this in mind when reading the words that follow: The voice ringing through your head should be like that of a bi-polar cheerleader in an acute phase...
More About: Snake , Musicals , Laugh Out Loud

I Would Still Say Yes
2007-08-20 08:55:00
Twelve years. At times, it seems like it's been more like an eon and a day, but when I really think about it, all has flown by in a blink.There we are. Twelve years ago. Twelve years ago and he's the only man in the world who makes me smile like that. I know this blog is about our kids, but without this man, there would be no 'us'. He's the glue that holds us all together, the sanity in all the madness.So I'm taking a few moments to share just a few of the things I love about this man...I love the smile he gets on his face as he watches our children play. The sight of him in a Disney princess crown, enthusiastically playing along with one of Jacqui's tea parties. The way he listens, making me feel completely sane even when I know I'm being dreadfully irrational. The way he is incapable of finding anything unless it is placed directly in his hand. The way he always knows how to make me laugh, even when I feel like crying...Our Seventh Anniversary - 2002I didn't feel like cel...

The Mean Little Voices in My Head
2007-08-18 07:25:00
Well, my mood is no longer melancholy, but I wouldn't exactly call the change an improvement. Today I was in a categorically irascible mood. I'm not sure why. Possibly in part due to the fact that Jacqui is now on day seven of her most recent CVS episode. Perhaps partially because Ken was out of town on a business trip Wednesday and Thursday leaving me as the sole bastion of sanity in our household for 48 long hours. I started to crack about 18 hours into my tour of duty. I'm afraid that today, the new UPS man got the worst of it.When the doorbell sounded, Kyle was screeching at the top of his lungs because I had just wrested away the TV remote from the little turkey. Jacqui was bawling because Kyle had changed the setting on the TV with his monkey business, interrupting her 5th viewing for the day of Dora's Dance to the Rescue. (She doesn't usually get to watch so much TV, but exceptions are made on sick days, days when my sanity is hanging by a fine thread, and especially on ...
More About: Head , VOIC , Litt

Tears and an IV Pole
2007-08-16 23:38:00
To new visitors, my apologies. This blog is typically much more humorous and upbeat - chalk it up to my recent melancholy mood. I'll eventually snap out of it, just stick around.December 2002Yesterday was a big day around here. For the first time since my daughter was two weeks old, there was no IV pole stationed next to her bed. Since Jacqui has finally been eating so well on her own, we no longer have to rent a feeding pump and IV pole from her home health supplier (For those of you new to this site, you can click on the Jacqui's Story button in the menu bar above).Tuesday evening after dinner, I went to Jacqui's room and began boxing up the pump and wiping down the IV pole, preparing it for return the following morning. As I polished away with my bottle of Windex and disinfectant, I inexplicably found myself in tears. Ken peeked in with Kyle over one shoulder. "What's wrong?" He asked, with a puzzled look on his face.I looked up with a wan smile. "I have absolutely no idea."H...
More About: Pole , Blue Moods , Ears

Vacuum Cleaner Kisses
2007-08-15 04:03:00
They grow up so fast. Seems like one minute I'm changing a little guy's diapers and the next, he's in the middle of his first big crush. Hang on a sec! That really was just a minute ago!As I worked on catching up paperwork today, I kept hearing some funny sounds around the corner in the family room..."Mmmmmmmmaahhh! Mmmmmmmmmmmahh! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!"What is going on in there? I wondered. I peeked around the door and this is what I saw...Those were the sounds of Kyle. Enthusiastically hugging and kissing our vacuum cleaner. Wasn't quite quick enough to snap one of an actual smooch!We've been trying to get Kyle to give us hugs and kisses for months, but nothing doing! I suppose, because his little heart is apparently already engaged elsewhere.So there you have it. At the precocious age of 16 months, Kyle has found his first major love interest... The vacuum cleaner. Such a proud moment for us all!P.P.S Jacqui is still out of commission with her recent CVS episode. We're hoping she ...
More About: Vacuum , Snake , Kisses , Vacuum Cleaner , Cleaner

Cloudy Days Ahead for the Sunshine Girl
2007-08-12 06:34:00
Well, here we go again. Jacqui crumped on us today just before lunch. Another round of CVS (cyclic vomiting syndrome) symptoms. We were trying to think of what could have triggered this episode and Ken asked her if she had eaten anything she shouldn't. "Ummmm... Maybe," She replied."Like what?" Ken asked."Maybe some crackers.""What kind of crackers?""Square ones.""How many?""Maybe a lot."Come to find out, the little stinker snarfed down at least one packet of chocolate graham crackers last weekend when we were visiting grandparents. We were camping out at my parents farm for a star gazing party complete with campfire and s'mores. Apparently, she sneaked out of the tent when everyone was sleeping and helped herself to the leftover graham crackers. I had made gluten free ones for her so she could have s'mores too, but did she get into those? Of course not.So... There goes the last two weeks of August I guess. I so wish she hadn't gotten sick, but I hope she remembers next...
More About: Girl , Cloudy , Sunshine , Days , Ahead

Footie the Alien
2007-08-08 21:07:00
Did you know that you can buy happiness? Yep. Costs a quarter. At least if you're Jacqui it does.Last night I forgot to call and ask Ken to pick up milk on his way home for Kyle. He was almost to our driveway when I remembered - too late. I think Ken was secretly amused because it meant that I would have to 'stop by' the grocery store on our way home from Jacqui's swimming lesson. Both kids, a shopping cart and aisle after aisle of floor-to-ceiling distractions. One doesn't just 'stop by' such places.Jacqui had been driving me nuts with questions all morning and she started up her rapid-fire feature during the two block drive from the pool to the grocery store:"Why do bees hab wings and legs? Why bowf? How many is dis (holding up random numbers of fingers)? What color is dat car? When's da light gonna be green? Why are dere no pink lights? What's a pink light mean? Why's Kyle need milk? How come milk is white? Milk builds bones, right? Does blue milk build...
More About: Alien , Foot

Of Bananas and 911 Calls...
2007-08-03 07:34:00
"EAT YOUR BANANAS".I don't know how many times I said that particular phrase today. Jacqui seems to have a love/hate relationship with bananas at the moment. They are one of a very short list of foods that she usually eats exceptionally well. She prefers them cut into neat, round slices and makes a huge deal of demanding them at every meal. However, all of the sudden, she's not particularly interested in eating them. They are fun to smoosh... Or to stack like blocks... They make excellent finger puppets... But eat them? Why? Especially when there are so many other brilliant uses for them.We got through the Breakfast Banana Battle. It raged from 8:12 am to 10:57 am this morning. I put lunch off because breakfast had gone so long. We sat down to eat lunch shortly after 1:30 pm. At about 3:15 pm, Kyle was taking a nap and Jacqui still had a pile of banana slices on her plate. She had tried sneaking one to the cat, but when I heard the cat hacking under the dining r...
More About: Calls , Nana

It's Only Fourteen Hours (...But It Seems More Like 48)
2007-07-31 06:58:00
So. What exactly do Stay-At-Home-Moms do all day? I thought I would present a detailed chronicle, transcribed from an actual memo pad I carried with me throughout the day, so that those of you who feel that the only work done in a day happens in an office might feel thoroughly ashamed of yourselves:6:45 a.m Alarm goes off. I was up until 1:30 am cleaning up the previous day's mess so I don't get up immediately. Mostly cause I know Ken will smack the snooze until I smack him.7:02 a.m. I get up on snooze alarm #3. I thump Ken and he flops out of bed looking as confused as a flash flood victim. I am startled by crunching when my feet touch the floor. Crayons. A whole box. I know I didn't leave them there.7:04 a.m. I start getting Jacqui's breakfast together. We need to leave the house at 9:45 to get to swimming lessons on time, then gymnastics class. We will probably be late, even though we have nearly three hours to get there and I got everything ready the night be...
More About: Hours

Down N' Dirty Mud Puddle Camp
2007-07-27 17:07:00
Our local children's museum hosts some really fun summer 'day camps' for preschoolers. Their mud puddle camp suited Jacqui to a 'T'! parenting children motherhood kids humor christian funny pre-school science museum mud puddles SAHM Who knew playing in the mud could be so much fun?
More About: Summer , Dirty , Camp , Spice , Laugh Out Loud

Say What??
2007-07-24 19:34:00
Me: No. No TV. It's nice outside.Jacqui: But Moooooooom! You must let me watch 'Max and Ruby' (an animated TV show for pre-schoolers). I need to watch 'Max and Ruby'!Me: You need to? Why?Jacqui: 'Max and Ruby' hances pwee-schooler's standing of inner an inra persnal 'namics Mom!Me: (While simultaneously asking myself why I even ask her questions like that...) What??Jacqui: (Hand on hip and scowling) You heered me.Me: (Finally registering that she had just quoted the TV show's introductory tag line to me and finding myself quite disturbed that she had either watched enough TV to memorize the tag line, or she had repeatedly hit re-wind on our DVR remote for the express purpose of memorizing the tag line...) No. Outside. We're going outside. You obviously understand way to much about inter- and intra-personal dynamics.Jacqui: (Apparently moving on to a demonstration of negotiating skills) How 'bout 'Go Geiego Go' den? ('Go Deigo Go': Another animated pre-shooler TV show...

Family Portrait
2007-07-22 07:28:00
This is Jacqui's rendition of our family. Ok, from left to right...Jacqui: "The one with curly hair Mom! I have a serious face on my picture 'cause Kyle is hurtin' my ears wif all his cryin' an screamin'."Me: "See - Your hair is 'flippy' on da sides. Dat one's you!" Apparently, my 'flippy' hair looks an awful lot like elephant ears.Daddy: "Da tall one wif straight hairs. Dat's Daddy."Kyle: "Da baby one wif straight hairs. Right dere. See... his mouf's a circle 'cause he's allays cryin' and makin' allota noise like dis: 'WAHHHH! WAHHHH! WAHHHH!"And last but not least, our kitty, Jingle: "Her feets are up here and her body's way over dere because she's stretchin'. She's smilin' cause she's happy. She's happy 'cause Kyle is holdin' hands wif Daddy and not squishin' her. Dose round circles are spots. Jingle don't have spots. She have stripes. Stripes are just too hard to draw good."Also note the detailed depiction of eyelashes and belly butto...
More About: Family , Portrait , TRAI

Prince Kyle
2007-07-18 23:02:00
Jacqui: Ok Kyle , you're da prince. Got it?Kyle: VRRRRRoooom! VRRRRooooom!Jacqui: No Kyle. No trucks at da fancy-dress ball! Only horsie carriages go to balls.Kyle: (Blood-curdling shriek as his truck is apparently removed from the guest list.)Jacqui: Here. Wear dis. NOOOOOO! Kyyyyyle!! Don't eat da crown! You put in on your head, like a hat. Dair. NOOOOOO!! I said, ON...YOUR...HEAD! You must pay da tenshun.Kyle: TTHHHHHHBBBBBT!!!Jacqui: Kyyyyyle! Prince s don't blow raspberries! Not at da fancy-dress ball. Dat's bad manners. Emily would be very distapoinded! (Our family often references Emily Post on manners and polite behavior. Jacqui is convinced that "Emily" is Mommy's persnickety invisible friend.)Kyle: TTHHHBBBBBT!!!Jacqui: Stop dat! Mooooommmm! Kyle's not a beein' a very nice prince!Mommy: Sometimes princes, especially very little ones, have a hard time remembering to be polite. You just have to keep being polite anyway.Jacqui: (Silence)Jacqui: You mean like Daddy? Somet...

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