Slutty McWhoreSlutty McWhoreThe musings of a Scottish erotic masseuse living in the US. Read about the, uh, ups and down of her life and her lardy Republican clients. Articles
This is not normal behaviour, is it? (Part 2)
2007-11-17 17:37:00 Did I make you wait too long for the second installment?! Oh, I'm sorry.Ever since getting back from New York, I've been trying to get into a routine of actually going to bed early, so I haven't been able to do my usual 3:00am posts. My aim is to get up at 6:00am every day, and be on campus by 8:00am, but that hasn't quite happened. Instead, the alarm goes off at 6:00am, I get up for a few brief moments, think "screw this!" and then go back to bed for "10 minutes" which unfortunately turns into 2 hours! The perfectionist in me is horribly disappointed but, nonetheless, it is good that I'm getting out of bed at 8:00am instead of 11:00am. Generations of my family have been shepherds and farmers, and so I think my genes have been programmed to guilt-trip me if I haven't milked a whole herd of dairy cows by 4:00am.But, wait. You don't want to hear about my daily routine, you want to know what happened next with The OMMP, huh? Well, the situation has kind of resolved itself now, s... More About: New York City , Behaviour , Part , Normal
Links for 2007-11-16 [Digg]
2007-11-17 07:00:00 7 Habits of Highly Innovative People Have you ever looked at super creative or innovative people, and felt they are special beings blessed with gifts? Creativity is actually more psychology than intellect. More About: Links , Digg
This is not normal behaviour, is it? (Part 1)
2007-11-13 04:50:00 So much for my taking part in National Blog Posting Month. The idea is for bloggers to post every day for the whole of November but so far I've only posted one measly entry. I had the the best of intentions (honest, guv! I even lugged my fucking laptop all the way to NYC with me) but, sadly, I just didn't find the time to write. And then when I got back home, I immediately plunged into a depression about having left civilization far behind me once again and had no desire to write about my exploits.I don't know why I'm apologizing, though, as I was on vacation in New York Fucking City after all. And in this case - to paraphrase Tallulah Bankhead - "only good girls have time to post to their blogs; bad girls don't have the time".I will get around to writing about New York later this week but right now I have other things on my mind which need to be addressed immediately. In fact, I need your help, dear readers. I need you to tell me if I over-reacted last night to a certain weir... More About: New York City , Behaviour , Part , Normal
Leaving on a jet plane.
2007-11-01 21:53:00 I'm actually writing this on a plane heading to JFK. Well, technically I'm writing it in my journal and I'll transfer it over into my blog once I get to New York. I was reading Flannery O'Connor earlier but I need a break from her. She's clearly an amazing writer but there's a limit to how many stories I can read in a row about lonely, alienated Southerners. Maybe her characters remind me too much of myself (well, except that I'm not from Georgia).It's weird writing a blog entry in my journal. My black pen (I always write in blank ink - and not from a biro! Ugh! It's got to be one of those "rolling ball" pens! - because I think it's romantic) looks lost and confused against the blank, white page. This doesn't really make sense, but somehow typing on a computer keyboard, and being connected to the internet, gives me the warm, comfortable feeling that I'm part of something bigger than myself. Writing in my journal, on the other hand, feels intimidating and dreary. I go thr... More About: New York City , Sagittarius , Plane , Oscar Wilde
Links for 2007-10-24 [Digg]
2007-10-25 07:00:00 Joost - You're Toast! (You lying Dutch bastard). There is nothing more empowering in life than the feeling you get when you kick a lying, irresponsible bastard out of your life! More About: Links , Digg
Joost - You're Toast!
2007-10-24 12:02:00 Joost turned up on my doorstep on Saturday afternoon.I looked through the peephole and saw a set of sunglasses looking back at me and curly, golden locks glistening in the autumn sun. "Who the fuck is that?", I wondered briefly, and then it hit me.To say this was a surprise and a shock would be putting it mildly. He was the last person I expected to see. Apart from the fact that we hardly parted on the best of terms, he also lives in Oman!Joost, in case you don't know (and can't be bothered clicking on the link I conveniently added above so you could learn more - lazy bastards!), was the Dutch oil engineer I stupidly got involved with way back in February (really clever it was to get involved with a bloke who lives 12,000 miles away!). Oh, I can't be bothered going into all the boring details, so suffice it to say that I found out that he was a lying bastard. Not only that but he also proved himself to be a coward because he couldn't even admit that he had been dishonest but jus... More About: The Netherlands , Joost , Toast
Links for 2007-10-22 [Digg]
2007-10-23 07:00:00 Superficial Americans - What is wrong with you?! I'm a Scottish woman who has been living in the US for three years. I'm amazed at how difficult it is to form any kind of meaningful relationship with an American. Every single social interaction seems to stay on a very pleasant, but very superficial, level. Americans never seem to talk about anything real or serious. Why?!!!! More About: Links , Digg
Superficial Americans.
2007-10-21 20:48:00 It's 1:48pm on Sunday afternoon, and I just got out of bed about forty-five minutes ago. I didn't want to get up really, as I was having such vivid, intense dreams (so much more intense and vivid than my actual real life) and it was quite pleasant to just lose myself in them. It's a pity that I even had to wake up. Today I wish that I had just died in my sleep.Over the last couple of weeks, I have been slipping more and more into depression again. Or, to be more precise, the depression that has been with me for so many years is intensifying. Perhaps one of the saddest things about depression is that once you've had it for long enough, you start to think that's the normal way to live your life. All that worry, fear, anxiety, alienation and crushing loneliness just seems like part of daily life. It's hard to imagine anything else. In fact, a lot of the time I don't even consider myself depressed. I've read all the definitions and symptoms of depression a million times but I ... More About: Americans , Anti-Americanism
Links for 2007-10-16 [Digg]
2007-10-17 07:00:00 The (almost) 40-year-old virgin I am a Scottish erotic masseuse living in the US, and this is my blog. Today my guestblogger is a 39-year-old male virgin, who talks abouts his experiences. More About: Links , Digg
The (almost) 40-year-old virgin
2007-10-16 10:23:00 It's nearly 3:30am, and I really should be in bed.....But no! I owe it to the male virgins of this world to write this post! I prostrate myself humbly at your feet - Arekino's in particular.For those of you who are confused, let me introduce the cast: Well, there's me (Slutty McWhore, Scottish handjob artist extraordinaire) and then there's Arekino (39-year-old Dutch virgin). An ocean, and many different life experiences, separated us until the power of the internet brought us, the hooker and the virgin, together - at last! Today (if you scroll a little further down) Arekino will be guestblogging about his life.So, I'm being facetious again when I really shouldn't. Arekino's admission that he was a virgin seemed to strike a chord with many of my readers. This was quite surprising to me because, if my stats are anything to go by, it seems that most readers who come across my site are typing the most unusual things into google. Things that even I blush to recount here! (Mary P... More About: Virginity , Virgin , Year
Thrill of the Chaste (from The Sunday Herald)
2007-10-14 19:55:00 It seems that everybody is talking about virginity these days. I just finished reading an article about it in "The Sunday Herald" newspaper.This reminds me: Arekino, when are you going to get your autobiography about your virginal experiences to me? If you don't hurry up, I'm going to have to sack you from my editoral team!Anyway, if you're interested in that article, you can find it by clicking: here.http://serizy.blogspot.com/feeds/pos ts/default?alt=rss More About: Virginity
Links for 2007-10-12 [Digg]
2007-10-13 07:00:00 Rod Stewart in reverse. Rod Stewart, Keats....and cunnilingus tips. More About: Links , Digg
Rod Stewart in reverse.
2007-10-12 07:57:00 Being a short-haired brunette, it pisses me off no end that Rod Stewart always goes for tall, leggy blonds with big hair. What's wrong with us darker haired lassies, I ask you? I'm not entirely sure why Rod's blond fetish annoys me, as it's not like I have any desire to bed the gravelly-voiced midget one. Och, but if he asked I probably wouldn't mind a wee roll in the hay just for the sake of experience.When I think about it, though, I am really like Rod in reverse. I only seem to be attracted to men with dark hair and olive skin (although I also have a fondness for dark-haired celts with skin like alabaster). When I went skiing with that blond, curly-haired Dutch eejit, Joost , in April, I remember standing in our hotel room in Zürich and looking at us in a mirror, standing side by side, naked. I said "Oh, we look so good together".But I was lying. Trying to convince myself of something.Really I was thinking how much he looked like a blond poodle. An attractive blond poodle per... More About: Rod Stewart
Links for 2007-10-10 [Digg]
2007-10-11 07:00:00 I sabotage everything good in my life because I'm afraid of failure. And I don't know how to stop......... More About: Links , Digg
Failure.
2007-10-10 23:41:00 In a recent interview, my never-to-be-ex-husband, Ewan Morrison, (whose books I still haven't read. Sorry, Ewan!) said something very interesting about a subject close to my heart - failure:"For my generation, artistic self-expression was high on the list of things that would make life worth living. But generally most of us failed to do that. I know so many people who feel they have failed. We are a massively deluded generation. We all wanted to be pop stars, indie film-makers, poets, painters, conceptual artists. Out of 300 people I know, who I have grown up with, there are four who have managed to do that. It seems crazy that that means there are 276 people who are living a life of resentment. We have a set of unrealistic expectations about sustaining a creative life in the midst of a consumer culture."Those words really hit home because he could be speaking about me.If you've followed this blog from the beginning, you'll know that my childhood wasn't the greatest (bullying, o... More About: Failure , Master , Lure
Links for 2007-10-09 [Digg]
2007-10-10 07:00:00 A match made in heaven - a hooker falls in love with a virgin. An erotic masseuse falls in love with a Dutch virgin. More About: Links , Digg
Screw Ewan Morrison! I'm marrying Arekino!
2007-10-09 06:53:00 Ach, I've gone off the idea of marrying Ewan Morrison . Apparently he's got some other bird and, anyway, as you can see from the picture he is, in true Scottish male fashion, a wee bit peely-wally. That just won't do at all. That would mean I'd be popping out lots of pasty weans, and Scotland has got enough of them already. There shall be absolutely no fornicating with pallid types! (Also, I'm a bit concerned about his moustache. Is it just my imagination, or do all swingers have moustaches?)But, no fear, I have found another and it's one of my most loyal readers.........Arekino, from Oosterhout, in the Netherlands.Today Arekino stunned me by leaving a comment in which he introduced himself to me properly (only fair seeing as we're betrothed).He said: "Who the hell am I? I'm a presently unemployed, diabetic, 39-year old virgin. I'm a guy BTW".Now, the unemployed and diabetic part, well, nothing shocking there at all. But I must admit that I was mighty intrigued by Arekino'... More About: Glasgow , The Netherlands , Joost , Virginity
Links for 2007-10-07 [Digg]
2007-10-08 07:00:00 Serizy, whaur's yer troosers? Am I the only woman who finds shopping for clothes a traumatic experience? More About: Links , Digg
Serizy, whaur's yer troosers?
2007-10-08 04:43:00 I realize that the title of my post tonight will be completely fucking unintelligible to most people - but, well, that's just too bad, isn't it? That's what you get for being American, as most of my readers seem to be. It's not that I dislike Americans, but, well, you do live in the most powerful country in the world, so I don't want to make things too easy for you.While I'm on the subject of my readers and their location, I would just to like send great big kisses to two of my readers in Oosterhout, in the Netherlands, and Gillett, USA (where the fuck is that? Wisconsin? Arkansas? Texas? And is it really the best a man can get?). Every day I check my stats on Feedburner , and I see that you've visited me again! Aw, shucks! I'm intrigued.....Who the hell are you? Do say hello! Go on! Don't be shy! I'll give you a free erotic massage if you make yourself known!Anyway, for those amongst you who are linguistically challenged, "troosers" just means "trousers" and that is exact... More About: Anti-Americanism , Erotic massage
This is why I shouldn't drink
2007-10-06 08:04:00 I'm drunk.Not horribly so (otherwise how else could I manage to write in here) but drunk enough to feel very, very sorry for myself.I don't like it when people call me out on my own shit. Generally, I'm quite a talkative, gregarious soul but one time this guy I went to university with told me that "Your mouth is talking, but your heart is empty". I was shocked. Because I knew that he had caught me out. It's not that I'm a superficial person - far from it, in fact - but I do tend to chat and chat, and then chat some more, possibly because I don't want people to see the "real" me. I've had a lot of success playing the chatty, neurotic, Woody Allan-esque type and, that is me to a certain extent, but I also admit that I play up that character because it allows me to hide who I really am, and what I'm really thinking.Tonight I came home, checked my email and found a comment from Vicarious Rising on last night's post saying that it sounds like I'm self-sabotaging. I was pissed o... More About: Drink
Links for 2007-10-05 [Digg]
2007-10-06 07:00:00 To swing or not to swing.... A day in the life of an erotic masseuse. More About: Links , Digg
To swing or not to swing.....
2007-10-05 08:52:00 It looks like my plans to go off swinging into the sunset with Ewan Morrison have been thwarted even before they could become reality. In an interview with him I read yesterday he revealed that he: "came to realise that he was in fact quite a conventional man who felt rather uptight about inviting strangers into his home and then having sex with them. ... Here was a man who had studied feminist film theory at Glasgow School of Art principally as a means of curing his porn addiction (it didn't work) and now he discovered that intense sex with strangers wasn't as enjoyable as having a glass of wine with friends and discussing the relative merits of Dvorak and Mahler."It gets worse:"the focus for me now is very much love. Having taken sex to its limits, I know that you can detach sex from love and it can become a form of entertainment. But ultimately putting sex and love together with a person is a very simple and beautiful thing. Love and mutual care are the things that are of gre... More About: Johnny Depp , Peaches , Swing
Links for 2007-10-04 [Digg]
2007-10-05 07:00:00 Marry Me, Ewan Morrison! Why I'm going to become a swinger and then marry Ewan Morrison. More About: Links , Digg
Marry me, Ewan Morrison!
2007-10-04 07:44:00 In tonight's post, dear readers, I am going to whine. Or, more specifically, I'm going to whine about being told not to whine by Arekino. "Quit whining" he said in a comment yesterday. Quit whining?! Quit whining?! Arekino, darling, I would if I could but where I come from whining is a national past-time and I intend to whine with as much flair and gusto until the day I die. You should try it, Arekino. It's fun!Anyway, it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to - you would whine, too, if it happened to you.To be quite frank, I don't even think that I was whining. I merely happened to mention that I'm not sure it's possible to be completely honest in a monogamous relationship. You said that I'm not willing to take risks, Arekino, but I don't agree. In fact, my problem is exactly the opposite. I give away too much of myself before I know the person I'm involved with is worthy of me. I'm actually an incredibly open and honest person most of the time. I find it very difficult ... More About: Scotland , Glasgow , Marry Me , Marry , Scottish
Links for 2007-10-03 [Digg]
2007-10-04 07:00:00 Why do women sleep with married men? One woman gives her reasons for sleeping with a married man. More About: Links , Digg
Your Questions Answered: #3
2007-10-03 09:13:00 Way back on August 19th, Arekino asked me some questions, and I'm still working my way through them. Number 3 was:"Do you hope to start a family at some point in time?"This question is a timely one (and I will address it later in this post), as it fits in with what I wanted to blog about anyway, which is my reasons for getting involved with TheJewishNewYorker (who shall henceforth be known as JNY because it's a pain in the arse to write out his full title every time). If you haven't been keeping up with my blog (and why the fuck not?!), then you should know that he is married and that we've had sex on the bed he shares with his wife. I felt a bit anxious while writing the post about having slept with him, especially mentioning the extra information about the bed. I wasn't worried about being judged by some random person out there in the blogosphere, but I did wonder what the reactions of Mary P Jones and Judith over at Vicarious Rising would be because they're both married. I ... More About: Questions
The Scarlet Letter
2007-09-30 06:15:00 If I told you that I slept with a married man would you think I was a bad person?If I told you that I slept with him on the bed that he and his wife share would you think that I was an even worse person?Well, I suppose that you probably would, and I see where you're coming from.There was a point in my life (only two years hence) when I just could not understand why on earth any woman would want to get involved with a married man. One of my friends (my first ever college roommate actually) started having an affair with a guy who was married with kids, and another one on the way. The guy ended up getting her pregnant, and when it came time for her to go to the clinic to have an abortion, she realized she didn't have enough money to pay for it. The married guy was right there with her, and he had his credit card, but he refused to pay lest the wife "see the credit card slip"! Somehow my friend managed to come up with the money herself, and was able to get the "abortion pill", which m... More About: Letter
Sexual hangover.
2007-09-08 07:40:00 Yeuch. I have a really nasty sexual hangover today. This is quite an amazing feat, as I haven't even had sex, but I did spend the last two days feverishly exchanging kinky text messages and emails with The JewishNewYorker.What happened with this guy was quite odd. When we went out for drinks on Saturday night, seducing him was really the last thing on my mind but, as the night went on, I could sense that he was exactly the kind of guy with whom I would have absolutely smokin' sex. He's very smart, funny and ... oh I can't really explain it, I was just extremely drawn to him sexually.No, actually - wait. I can explain it. When I feel this level of sexual attraction to someone, it's because I can sense that they are fucked up sexually and emotionally in exactly the same way as I am. Oh, the sex would be good all right, but the fall out would be so fucking bad. Maybe that's part of the attraction. It feels exhilarating to take the first step down the path to self-destruction. Fuc... More About: Sexual , Hangover
Ooh! Spank me again, you delightful, short, bald, married Jew, you!
2007-09-05 07:34:00 Did I fall off the alcoholic, sex addicted wagon this weekend? Hell no! Instead I practically fucking bungee-jumped off it.And do I feel guilty? Absolutely no fucking way!Over the last week I have been feeling increasingly annoyed at being in a 12-step program and at my therapist's insistence that I'm alcoholic. I've attended maybe four or five Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and found it quite difficult to relate to most of the stuff I heard. People were talking about being arrested, losing their jobs, their friends, their relationships. I sat there thinking that nothing I experienced was anywhere near as bad as that.I'm aware that alcohol is a progressive disease, and that people don't just pop out of the womb as raging alcoholics, primed to wake up in their own piss. It's very possible that I am in the first stages of alcoholism but I've realized one thing: I just haven't yet experienced enough pain to want to give up up alcohol. To be honest, I have been thinking about alc... More About: Sex and the City , Short , Deli , Delight
Your Questions Answered: #2
More articles from this author:2007-08-30 19:19:00 Another one of Arekino's questions again:Q: Does your profession motivate you to do things that you think you otherwise wouldn't do? if so, what?Hmmmm, well, I don't naturally have a burning desire to jerk off middle-aged men on a daily basis, so I guess that would be the simplest answer to that question. A lot of my clients ask me (I don't know why actually....to make themselves feel less guilty?) if I enjoy doing erotic massage for a living. I certainly don't hate it the way I grew to hate actually being paid for sex but - duh! - I'm only doing for it the money, stoopid! Correct me if I'm wrong here, sex workers of the world, but I find it hard to imagine that anybody involved in the industry for a long time can still actually enjoy the work. I found being an escort very exciting and arousing in the beginning, probably because it had always been my fantasy, but, like any fantasy, if you play it out often enough, it becomes dull and boring. Compartments (who seems to have di... More About: Questions 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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