Slutty McWhore

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Your Questions Answered: #1
2007-08-28 21:07:00
God, I really do need to write in here more often, don't I? I want to, but I'm such a perfectionist that I keep on telling myself that I don't have time to write the masterpiece I always want to, so instead I write nothing.....Sigh, this is why I NEVER do any of the things I really want to in life. I recently read the self-help book "Facing Codependence" by Pia Mellody in which she mentions a motto she developed to get over her perfectionism: "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly - but it is worth getting done". Julia Cameron talks about perfectionism in The Artist's Way, too, and says you need to be kinder to yourself and allow yourself to be crap in the beginning. Both them are right but, still, it's difficult for me to let go and just - create!This is why it will probably be quite helpful for me to answer the eight (actually nine now) questions you asked me. I don't need to waste time wondering whether my topic is interesting, as you chose it for me. So, here we g...
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8 questions for an unrepentant whore!
2007-08-19 04:48:00
No, not 8 questions for "The Unrepentant Whore ", Scarlet Harlot aka Carol Leigh, but rather just 8 questions for little me, an anonymous masseuse (and former escort) writing in the blogosphere....The lovely Judith (who is always so encouraging about my writing - thank you!) over at Vicarious Rising tagged me on July 31st and I am only just now getting around to responding. Apparently I am supposed to think of "Eight things you do not know about me (but didn't ask)". I have to admit that I was stumped about what to write. Oh, like everyone else, there are a zillion trivial details about me (e.g. I am repulsed to the point of having to vomit at the sight of over-ripe bananas...you know, when they've gone all brown and mushy - and, no, please! That's not because I ever used bananas in an sexual act!.... And....Oh yeah, I have this little callous on my right foot because I unconsciously rub my feet together to be able to fall asleep) but I honestly can't think of anything else. And ...
More About: Questions , Epen , Penta

My mother - Myself
2007-08-17 04:25:00
The most abiding memory I have of my mother from my childhood is of her standing in the kitchen, cleaning non-stop. As soon as I left for school in the morning, she would start cleaning and when I came back home again at night, she would still be at it. She would eventually stop around 8:00pm, when my father came home from work, and settle down with him to watch some mind-numbing TV show. Even at the weekend she cleaned, scrubbed and polished. In fact, Saturday was the big cleaning day for her because she worked part-time at the weekend and would spend all Sunday and Monday in bed after the night-shift. In other words, Saturday was the day when she had to get the house ready to cope with those two full days of (gasp!) non-cleaning!When I was growing up, it never occurred to me that her behaviour was anything other than normal. When I visited friends' houses and saw their mothers relaxing and having fun, I was bewildered and confused. I didn't know what to think, but that was OK b...
More About: Mother

Why are women so fucking stupid?!
2007-08-07 07:22:00
Well, at least this one particular woman writing this blog......So, I've been gone for two weeks. That wasn't too bad really if you consider that I disappeared off the face of the blogging world for about three months the second that Joost walked into my life in February And, yes, my two week hiatus is also linked to the same delusional Dutchman. It's quite embarrassing really because I was congratulating myself rather loudly in my last post for having gotten over him. I wouldn't be letting him back into my life anytime soon, I said. Oh, noooo - certainly not! I wouldn't be letting him call me up every day for hours, using me as his emotional support network while giving me nothing back in return. Don't be silly! I'd learned my lesson, hadn't I?!Well, yes, I had - for a minute or two perhaps. And then all Joost had to do was call me again, tell me how special I was and how much he had been thinking about me, and I was back to square one. Amazingly I seemed to forget how much...
More About: Women , Stupid , Fucking , Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

Please welcome: "The Judgemental whore"!
2007-07-24 04:05:00
You may be wondering why I decided to change the name of my blog. Well, after the post "What kind of men frequent prostitutes", I was astounded to discover that this site got about 4,000 hits in one day! On the one hand, I was delighted but, on the other, it was profoundly depressing to think that sexual tags like "blowjob" (which I used non-gratuitously, I should add!) can get you so many hits when other, more worthy and serious tags seem to arouse very little interest.While looking to see what comments that post had engendered in the blogosphere, I came across the site reddit.com where several people (mainly men, I presume) had commented on what I had to say. Some asshole called c53x12 added his ten cents by writing: "Just what the world needs, another judgemental whore". Wow! It's amazing how often this insult has been levelled at me, and no doubt other sex workers who keep blogs. It's as if we're not supposed to have an opinion about anything if our profession is providing se...
More About: Feminism , Whore , Judgement

Why are men so fucking stupid? #1
2007-07-24 01:30:00
"I have always been principally interested in men for sex. I've always thought any sane woman would be a lover of women because loving men is such a mess. I have always wished I'd fall in love with a woman. Damn". Germaine Greer If there's a God, then he must have one seriously fucked up sense of humour to make us poor (heterosexual) women lust after those strange dangling bits between a man's legs. Actually, let me rephrase that: penis lust is absolutely fine but it's very unfortunate that women then attempt to form emotional bonds with the opposite sex. I'm sure that there are some women out there who are blissfully happy with their partnerships with men, but I'm certainly not one of them, and I doubt I ever will be.It was in German class at the age of eleven that I first realized just how ridiculous the male of the species could be. We were learning the verb "fahren" ("to go/to travel"), which, when conjugated in the "you plural" form, becomes "fahrt". Its "hilarious" rese...
More About: Feminism , Stupid , Joost , Fucking

What kind of men frequent prostitutes?
2007-07-20 07:58:00
"Wow!", I hear you say, "Who is this fine specimen of a man?!"This, dear readers, is Brandon - one of my many potential clients who somehow felt the need to send me a picture of himself in all his orange-tanned, orange-thonged, peculiarly hairless glory. Sadly I never got to make Brandon's acquaintance and can therefore only assume that he gets his kicks out of sending pictures of his scantily clad self to ladies of the night. Poor Brandon doesn't know that his striking image will soon be blasted off into the blogosphere, popping up on computers all over the world, from Texarkana to Tehran, but I'm sure he'd approve wholeheartedly.So, besides Brandon, just who are the men who desire to make use of my services as an erotic masseuse? Most people assume that johns are ugly, lonely desperadoes who have no other option but to pay someone like me to get them off. That, however, is very far from the truth. Women don't like to hear that, of course. It's scary to think that your perfec...
More About: Utes , Prost , Rosti

Addiction and boredom
2007-07-15 00:20:00
Over the last couple of weeks or so, I have found myself wasting hours on the internet looking at the personals ads on Craigslist, mainly out of boredom and loneliness, I suppose. Craig and his infamous list, in case you don't know, seems to have infiltrated most countries in the world but is most well-known here in the US. You can find everything on this site - and I mean everything! A new fridge....A second-hand sofa...A guitarist for your band....A quick blowjob from a pre-op transexual. You name it, and Craig will most definitely have it. During the day, when I'm busy working on finishing off my Master's (or, to be more exact, busy thinking about finishing off my Master's), I hardly give a second thought to sex and men. In the wee small hours, however, when I feel my loneliness here most acutely, I can't stop myself from looking at the personals ads. I'll start off by checking out the reasonably sane and healthy "Men looking for women" section but, finding nothing there (...
More About: France , French , Addiction , Boredom , Addict

I just want to go home.
2007-07-07 06:59:00
Sometimes I wonder just how long I will be able to stand this loneliness and emptiness. Perhaps human beings can only stand so much before they go insane. That's what I feel is happening to me.I went out on a date on Wednesday night with a friend of a friend. He wasn't really my type but I did find him attractive and so, when he dropped me off at the end of the night, we kissed passionately outside my house. Oh, it was so good to feel somebody's lips on mine and to be held and caressed. It has been far too long. I suspected that he wasn't really interested in dating me, and, as I felt the same way about him, this doesn't really bother me, but it was just too much to have that brief moment of physical intimacy when I already feel so lonely. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be touched in that way.I wish that there was someone here to hold me now. I have always longed for a guy just to touch me gently, massage my shoulders (which are always tense from all my pent up anxi...
More About: Home

Do I have an alcohol problem?
2007-07-01 03:16:00
This week I've been feeling more down than usual. I have been diagnosed with depression, but a lot of the time I forget that, as I am not one of those people who can't get out of bed in the morning, and are who clearly struggling. Instead, I have always managed to function - albeit not at "full capacity". Most of the time I just muddle through the day somehow. Sometimes, for a moment, I will feel inexplicably happy and at peace with myself and the world, and I'll realize in horror that I haven't felt that way on a regular basis for years. I'll remember for a split second a time when my life wasn't filled with fear and worry. Only for a split second....and then I'll go back to living like a half-person, always feeling that something is missing, but thinking that's normal because that's all I've known for such a long time.....I know that I'm also a sex and love addict, but now the pain of what happened with Joost seems like a million years ago and I really don't think tha...
More About: Alcohol , Oman , Problem , Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous , Alcoholics Anonymous

Five reasons why I blog.
2007-06-27 06:40:00
Ooh, I'm really tired and should be heading to bed, as I have to get up early to run tomorrow morning, but I've been hankering to write all weekend, so I will write this post now. Don't expect many words of inspiration, as my brain is too frazzled to come up with anything good, but that's exactly why I'm going to write - it's only by accepting my fallibility and weaknesses that I'll ever get over my crippling perfectionism. I can't write a fabulously interesting post every time (hell, I don't think I've ever written one). Maybe I should just let you experience my boring side, as everybody's boring from time to time, right?Anyway, Mary P Jones from A Room of Mama's Own tagged me last week (thanks, MPJ! You are the first person to tag me!) by asking me to give five reasons why I blog. Funnily enough, my five reasons are actually quite similar to hers.....(1) I WANT TO HAVE A VOICEIf you are a regular reader of this blog, you will know that I am currently trying ("trying" b...
More About: Blog , Reasons

Addicted to Perfectionism?
2007-06-23 04:11:00
Ooh, there's a lot of white space on that picture, but seeing as this is a post about my crippling perfectionism, I'm going to take a deep breath and let it go.....Phew.First things first, though: I am honored to have been "tagged" by Mary P Jones from A Room of Mama's Own (fantastic blog - check it out if you haven't already). I'm supposed to give five reasons why I decided to start this blog. I will do this at some point this weekend but tonight I am feeling pretty shitty, so I need to bitch, whine and moan instead! I'm feeling extremely lonely tonight. It's Friday night, and I should be out on the town having a good time like any sensible 29-year-old, but instead I'm sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. Embarrassingly, I just looked at the Craigslist "Missed Connections" section in my city to see if somebody (anybody!) happened to see me out and about, decided I was mysterious, intriguing and gorgeous and wanted to find me. I'm always incensed (yes, I check that sec...
More About: Addicted , Addict

Withdrawal: #3
2007-06-18 07:19:00
Where are all the other love addicts out there in the blogosphere? I know that I'm not the only woman out there who suffers from love addiction, or who has codependency/emotional dependency issues. I've been to enough Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings to have found plenty of women like me, but it would just be so helpful to find them online too. I'd feel less alone and crazy.Perhaps they've all moved to Utah ?, where, it would seem, people have very little interest in reading about the exploits of a love-addicted erotic masseuse. If you look at my Clustrmap, you will see that Utah remains spectacularly untarnished by those little red dots which denote hits on my site. What can this mean? Am I not good enough for the Mormons ?I am now, after many days of emotional turmoil, feeling relatively peaceful. One night last week I found myself out of control again, staying up until 6:00am, obsessively trying to see if I could find a picture of Joost and Janneke, "the other woman", o...
More About: Withdrawal