Slutty McWhore

RSS Feed Homepage

Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4

Confessions of a Commitment Phobe.
2008-05-31 20:32:00
While waiting in an airport a couple of weeks ago to catch a flight home, I picked up a copy of "New York Magazine" because of that issue's leading article. "The Secret Lives of Married Men" (written by Philip Weiss, a 52-year-old journalist who "has always struggled with the desire for sexual variety") trots out all the same tired, old clichés about how "men have needs" which just can't be met in marriage. I can't be bothered dealing with the ins and outs of this article (Mary P Jones, over at a Room of Mama's Own, has already done so if you care to contribute to the debate) but I would like to use one quote from that article as a starting point for my post today because it troubled me considerably and made me question my own attitude towards relationships.Weiss writes about a gay friend of his who "has 'brooded' over his infidelity for a long time, sometimes feeling that he ought to confess" and who "told me it's a very 17-year-old American view of the world to think that ...
More About: Confessions , Commitment

Links for 2008-05-27 [Digg]
2008-05-28 07:00:00
The Return of the Prodigal Slutty One. The trials and tribulations of a marathon-running, vegan Scottish sex worker!
More About: Links , Digg , 2008

The Return of the Prodigal Slutty One.
2008-05-27 23:36:00
Goodness! I have been gone for rather a long time, haven't I?! Time flies when you've been having rampant sex with a new love feeding swine and atoning for one's sins. But, fear not - The Prodigal Slutty One may sometimes forsake her dear and loyal readers, but she will always return!So, a small update is needed, I suppose. In order of ascending importance, then, here it is....(1) The Boston MarathonWell, I hate to disappoint Bandrobas, who was so eager to learn about my fate, but the Guinness Book of Records will need to wait until next year to have an entry about the first ever Scottish erotic masseuse to run Boston. I pulled out at the last minute because I was so stresssed out because of my Master 's, and the incredibly bad timing of meeting Michael when I should have been writing instead. As usual, I was incapable of realizing the stress I was under until my body decided to break down. I was feeling very weak and tired; one of my wisdom teeth threatened to become infected; m...
More About: Return , The Return , Return of the

Lord, have mercy on me - I was blind but now I can see!
2008-04-19 01:29:00
"You're here, I'm pleased,I really dig your company,Your style, your smile, your peace mentality,Lord , have mercy on me,I was blind, but now I can seeWhat a king's supposed to be,Baby, I feel free, come on and go with me""A Long Walk" - Jill ScottApparently my pupils dilate and turn my very blue eyes completely black when Michael gives me an orgasm. I have no idea if this has happened with other men. No-one has ever mentioned such a thing but, then, no-one has ever looked into my eyes with the incredible intensity that Michael does when we're having sex. "Sex" is the wrong word for what has happened between us. For the first time in my life, I think I finally understand what the phrase "making love" actually means. It's not like I've never had good sex but, well, this......this is something so incredibly different. I've never felt so close to someone before while having sex. I've never felt so close to a man before full-stop.I've read all the books on love addiction, so I k...
More About: Blind , Mercy

Normal Service Will Resume Shortly
2008-04-15 04:59:00
Dear readers,I do apologize for my unforgivable absence this last month. However, Slutty McWhore has been terribly busy...(1) Finishing off her Master 's thesis.(2) Training for the Boston marathon. It's next week!(3) Shagging the funny, smart, artistic, handsome, gentle, kind, dark-haired, brown-eyed, olive-skinned guy from Cleveland, Ohio, who works in her favourite coffee shop - and liking him very, very much. Midwestern men...Wow!Normal service will resume at some point next week, so tune in then!PS/ Happy Birthday, Williamx in Portland. You are one old motherfucker.http://serizy.blogspot.com/f eeds/posts/default?alt=rss
More About: Service , Resume

(Slightly More Than) 500 words for you, "D".
2008-03-17 18:07:00
If you look very closely at the back of this picture, "D", you will see the bar where you and I met on Saturday night. I shouldn't even have been there but the allure of red wine and people-watching during the most interesting week of the year was too much. It was 2:00AM, I was on my way to a party with my Italian friend, and I had only stopped off at the bar to grab a quick drink of water to lessen the effects of the next morning's inevitable hangover.And there you were.To be quite frank, neither you nor the guys you were with interested me much. Even without hearing your accents or knowing anything about you, you all had the typical over-confident swagger of English media types on a boys' night out, looking for a bit of pussy. I wasn't surprised when you started talking to me, or that the badge you wore around your neck revealed that you worked for a major English newspaper. I listened to your accent, looked you up and down and thought "Fucking journalist Londoner wanker".But ...
More About: Words

Links for 2008-03-11 [Digg]
2008-03-12 06:00:00
The Hooker's Guide to Dating. An erotic masseuse breaks the golden rule of the sex industry, and falls for one of her clients.
More About: Links , Digg , 2008

No More Drama
2008-03-08 06:49:00
Friday Night: March 7th 2008 (Warning! This post is really disjointed because I got distracted half the way through. Sorry!)Right. I don't care how busy you are right now. I want you to read this post and give me advice - immediately. Don't make me wait. I especially want any sex workers reading this to comment because I feel that their opinion here will probably be the most unbiased and helpful. Yes, yes, I know it's sad and pathetic to ask for advice from complete strangers on the internet but my only good friend here is quite straight-laced and prudish, so there's no point in asking her opinion.Here goes...Well, I went on my date with Darth last night. I nearly cancelled the whole thing because I was still convinced he was a wanker. However, he had invited me to accompany him to a magazine party, and I couldn't resist going to that because I knew that there would be a lot of stylish beautiful people there and, well, I'm superficial. I love beautiful people and I love lookin...
More About: Drama

Another dour dreich day - and another rant about superficial Americans (esp
2008-03-06 18:03:00
Sometimes I wonder how I ever managed to live in Scotland. On two days this week I have woken up and immediately felt depressed because the sky has been so overcast and dark, rather like the picture of Edinburgh I've included. There were many days like this in Scotland (normally accompanied by a sort of half-assed drizzle) but the weather never seemed to affect me. Well, I wouldn't say that I was exactly a bundle of joy when the weather was dark and depressing, but it didn't depress me the way it's doing today. There has been quite a remarkable change in my mood. Everything seems so pointless and negative. Maybe it's because the main thing this town has going for it is the weather and, when you take the sun and warmth away, you see it for what it really is: a provincial backwater with delusions of grandeur.It says a lot about Glasgow that it's constantly pissing down and yet the inhabitants are still full of life, vitality and energy. I know that Kevin Williamson over at The S...
More About: Rant , Americans

Links for 2008-03-05 [Digg]
2008-03-06 07:00:00
Vegan Men Are Like Buses The world's only vegan Scottish erotic masseuse (probably) laments the lack of vegan men to date. Toxic Mothers. A woman writes about the emotional and mental abuse she experienced at the hands of her mother.
More About: Links , Digg , 2008

A Far From Heavenly Creature
2008-03-04 21:28:00
When I saw Heavenly Creature s for the first time in the mid-1990's, I experienced a variety of emotions - of course, like any other normal person, I was shocked and horrified to see Pauline and Juliet bludgeon Pauline's mother to death; but, at the same time, I had the discomfiting realization that I was also a little bit thrilled to witness a matricide on film. And by a daughter and her female friend no less! Most matricides are, it would seem, carried out by sons, but if a daughter is involved then she's normally in cahoots with a male lover."Heavenly Creatures" struck a chord with me because I envied Juliet and Pauline their intense, passionate friendship, something I've never really had with a woman but which I always longed for (maybe I still do). Their relationship almost frightened me, though, because if I had ever met a girl who was as much of a lonely outcast growing up as I was, I can imagine that we would have lost ourselves in an unhealthy fantasy world of our own ma...

"Eanie, Meanie, Miney, Moe....."
2008-03-03 05:05:00
"Eanie, Meanie, Miney, Moe,To the bar cute indie kid goes, Chats up two women, One says no,Nevermind, there's always the ho!"And so I had my date with Luke last night (who looks a little bit like John Connor in the Sarah Connor Chronicles, hence the picture to the left). It was a good date, as far as dates go. Dinner was good and the band we went to see later at a local dive bar were surprisingly entertaining, too. He's not my type at all and I didn't feel that I could really be myself around him (more details to follow in a wee second) but he's definitely somebody I'd like to get to know better because he is interesting and smart.At one point, though, I did feel a little bit insulted. Luke was talking about how he ended up meeting me and said that a female friend had encouraged him to go up to me. He had already told me this the night we met, and it was quite flattering because it suggested that he had been watching me and had found me interesting or attractive but was too shy...

I've turned into Blanche fucking Dubois.
2008-03-03 01:55:00
Ever since turning thirty, I have spent a considerable amount of time scrutinizing my body for any visible signs of aging. I noticed a couple of grey hairs in my late twenties but they literally seemed to multiply ten-fold almost exactly the day after my birthday. This week I couldn't stop staring at my arse and the backs of my thighs, disgusted that I still have cellulite despite all the running I do. Not much, mind you, but it's still there, taunting me.But my impending physical decrepitude is nothing in comparison to the havoc wreaked by time on my poor memory. On Thursday, emboldened by a hangover, I finally confronted Darth about his incredibly poor manners. He had sent me a text the day before, inviting me for dinner, and I sent a scathing one back, railing against his thoughtlessness, which was, I said, an "unforgivable breach of social etiquette". I think I probably threw in a few more choice epithets as well, like "aloof", "selfish" etc. I also added dramatically that ...
More About: Fucking

Princess Slutty McLeia is a fickle Sagittarian
2008-02-27 06:32:00
Princess Slutty McLeia of Planet Whore to the Vegan Luke Skywalker:"Look, Luke. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you're too bloody young. And I don't like your sandy-coloured hair either. I want to shag a lovely swarthy Brazilian and have lots of little bilingual, olive-skinned babies. Can we, uh, just be friends?"This time last night, the Vegan Luke Skywalker and I spent a couple of hours texting back and forth, so much so, in fact, that I didn't get to bed until well after 3:00AM. I love the way that I still haven't done ANY work towards my Master's thesis and that I'm able to prioritize my activities so well. Our little textcapade wasn't even remotely erotic (although I did say something corny like "sweet dreams and even sweeter kisses" in my last text and immediately regretted it) but was more about getting to know each other. Pretty ridiculous really. He had texted me earlier asking if I wanted to meet him and a couple of his friends in a bar where they were pla...
More About: Princess

Vegan Men Are Like Buses....
2008-02-25 17:59:00
Because you hang around waiting for one to show up, and then two come along at once.Well, I wasn't really waiting for a vegan man. I would definitely prefer to date vegans/vegetarians, but if an amazing carnivore came along, I would probably still date him in the hope that I could convert him to the cause as long as he wasn't a rabid meat eater. I absolutely could not go out with somebody who spends every night in a steak house. It seems selfish, decadent and just plain thoughtless to eat that amount of meat.These two couldn't be more different from each other, though. They are the Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker of the vegan world - or in other words, there's a bit of a bad boy/good boy thing going on.Let me tell you a little bit about them. No wait, fuck it - I don't have time to tell you about Luke today, too, so that will have to wait until tomorrow.The Vegan Darth Vader.Darth is a photographer whom I met because he was actually a client of mine on one occasion. Yes, yes, I ...
More About: Buses , Daniel Day Lewis

Links for 2008-02-24 [Digg]
2008-02-25 07:00:00
The Hooker's Guide to Advanced Marathon Training. An erotic masseuse writes about how she qualified for the Boston marathon!
More About: Links , Digg , 2008

The Hooker's Guide to Advanced Marathon Training.
2008-02-24 05:43:00
Well, hello (says Slutty in seductive, come-hither tones!).In case you were wondering where I disappeared to over the last few weeks, I was actually in New York, as Arekino suggested. Well, I wasn't there all that time but the trip got me out of my routine a bit. Then on my return I had a marathon to run in which I qualified for the Boston marathon in April!The reason I'm so excited about Boston is because this is the "crown jewel" of the marathoning world (and this year I'll get to watch the US women's Olympic marathon trials which are taking place the day before!). It's the world's oldest marathon, and the fact that you have to qualify for it (and not just simply register and turn up as any old couch potato could do) lends it a certain prestige in runner circles. My qualifying time wasn't spectacular or anything (let's just say - I'm the worst of the best!) but I only started running seriously last year, and it's pretty unusual to qualify for Boston so early on. This was...
More About: Training , Marathon , Guide

Links for 2008-02-06 [Digg]
2008-02-07 07:00:00
No sex please, we're Britblog. If it's not enough that sex workers are shunned by society, now we have to put up with prudish people who won't let us join their blog directories because of what we do for a living!
More About: Links , Digg , 2008

No Sex Please, We're Britblog.
2008-02-04 06:30:00
I think it was Groucho Marx who once said "I don't want to belong to any club that will have me as a member." I've always tended to hold that opinion, too, hence the reason I fall for unavailable assholes who ignore me while I snear in scorn at the perfectly likeable types who worship the ground I walk on.You can imagine, then, how irritated I was to receive an email some months ago declining my application for Britblog, a weblog directory for (surprise, surprise!) British people from all over the world. The lovely people at Britblog didn't even take the time to explain why I had been rejected, so I can only assume it's because I'm writing about (gasp!) so-called illegal activity.Now, I don't give a flying fuck about being British and I shiver in horror when I have no option but to tick that box on some stupid form or other. I can still remember the day when I went to Bank of America to transfer some money into my Scottish bank account. I made a point of telling them that it w...

Black-eyed dog.
2008-02-04 02:48:00
Winston Churchill famously called it a "black dog" which, from time to time, would render him hopeless and despondent. What is the "it" I am referring to? Well, depression, of course.Over the last couple of days I've had a lot of trouble getting out of bed. The alarm goes off but I just stick one sleepy hand out from under the cover and hit the "off" button. I'll then go back to sleep immediately, waking up later and later each day. I'm sleeping around ten hours a night now, and I still don't feel properly rested. There's nothing I would rather do than just remain in bed for the whole day and I probably would if I didn't have pets to take care of. Thank God for them, I suppose.Although I've suffered from depression for many years, I've very rarely experienced an actual physically debilitating bout like this. More often than not, I manage to function albeit with an underlying, nagging sense of anxiety or worthlessness. The reason I'm feeling so bad now is, I think, because I...
More About: Black , Winston Churchill , The Artist

Hookers for Jesus!
2008-01-31 05:15:00
Alas, I fear that I will have very little time to write in here over the next couple of days. My left hand is busy coping with the stress of making my rent money whereas the right is focusing on writing a 10-page introduction to my Master's thesis.There truly is no rest for a wicked Scottish erotic masseuse. Sometimes I worry that that my soul is in peril, but, according to the Daily Telegraph, it's all OK. Jesus still loves a sinner like me.And if you should need any more convincing, then check out the following video:http://serizy.blogspot.com/feeds/po sts/default?alt=rss
More About: Hookers

Links for 2008-01-29 [Digg]
2008-01-30 07:00:00
The Girl with the Arab Strap An erotic masseuse discovers that taking the amino acid supplement L-Tyrosine increases her libido!
More About: Links , Digg , 2008

The Girl with the Arab Strap
2008-01-29 09:32:00
So, I managed to pay off my $1666 tuition fee bill. If I said I was exhausted that would be putting it mildly. My right bicep looks decidedly larger than the left one. My rent's due on February 1st, so maybe I'll swap over to the left hand to earn the money for that. An erotic masseuse cannae afford tae be struck doon with tendonitis, ye ken?!But, curiously, Slutty McWhore is in a really fucking good mood. I'm filled with energy, enthusiasm and ideas. Even though it's the early hours of the morning, I went for a 5 mile run and I just came bouncing back down down the street with my iPod on listening to Belle and Sebastian's "The Boy with the Arab Strap ". I quite like that song because, just before I moved to Shitsville, USA, I had a sexual encounter with the sometime trumpet player from the actual band Arab Strap - so just like the lyric from the Belle and Sebastian song, I actually was "flat on my back with the boy with the Arab Strap"! It was quite a disappointing sexual encou...
More About: Girl , The Girl

Links for 2008-01-27 [Digg]
2008-01-28 07:00:00
Lassie o' pairts A Scottish erotic masseuse writes about how many handjobs she has to give to be able to pay her tuition fees this semester.
More About: Links , Digg , 2008

'Tis Pity She's a Whore!
2008-01-27 19:47:00
At some point last year, while reading Diary of a London Ebony Escort, I came across a reference to Caitlin, a Scottish based escort. I checked our her website and was pleased to discover that the woman is obviously very intelligent, classy and has a great sense of humour. Not that an escort can't be all of these things and then some, but it's just refreshing to see such a well-constructed website. (I've got a good mind to ask her if she'd nip off to The Netherlands to de-virginify Arekino because it's his 40th birthday today (Fijne Verjaardag!!! Is that how you say it in Dutch?) and it would appear that certain things have not changed in his life.I think Caitlin is a good person to mention on this board because she seems mature, responsible and has, it would appear, got it all together. In other words, she's in stark contrast to the stereotype of the poor, victimized fuck-up most people imagine escorts are. Personally, I don't think that I could live my life like Caitlin now...
More About: Whore , Pity

Lassie o' pairts
2008-01-26 07:34:00
Aye, body pairts that is - too many fucking penises. Poor Slutty is truly exhausted and feeling very sorry for herself.The first installment of my tuition fees was due today but, by the time I went onto campus to pay, I had only managed to hustle together $380, meaning that I had to write a bad cheque for around $1,665.97. I'm hoping that the cheque won't get paid into the bank until Monday, and won't therefore come out of my account until Wednesday or so, thus buying me some extra handjob time to make up the deficit.Today I made another $380, so $1665.97 - $380 = $1,285.97Today's maths lesson, children: If Slutty McWhore, the erotic masseuse, needs to pay off a bill of $1,285.97, and earns $120 per handjob, how many stupid, neanderthal, Republican, right-wing motherfuckers must she jerk off to clear her debt?Why, yes, that's correct, you there in the back - only 10.716416!In an ideal word, poor Slutty would be able to see 4 clients per day for the next three days, but The Law...
More About: Lassie

Slutty's Heilan' Hame
2008-01-23 21:16:00
For some reason, I have been curiously affected by the death of Heath Ledger . I don't know why because I would hardly describe myself as a fan. I knew almost nothing about his life, professional or personal, but I do remember being profoundly moved by his performance as Ennis del Mar in "Brokeback Mountain". In fact, I came out of the cinema sobbing, mascara running down my cheeks. It's quite amazing that someone so young (he was only twenty-five at the time) could interpret a character in such a sensitive, emotionally nuanced way. Maybe I was upset then because Ennis del Mar, tight-lipped and emotionally repressed, reminded me so much of own father (although, as far as I know, my father wasn't taking it up the arse from a neighbouring dairy farmer - mind you, if he was, I really wouldn't be surprised. Anything could happen in the wilds of Ayrshire). My father was also a coward, like Ennis, unable to access his true feelings or stand up for himself or me when my mother went on o...
More About: Feminism

Links for 2008-01-22 [Digg]
2008-01-23 07:00:00
I'm a sexual hypocrite but I don't care. A Scottish masseuse (and former escort) writes about her experiences in the sex industry, and rubbishes the idea that sex work can be empowering.
More About: Links , Digg , 2008

I'm a sexual hypocrite but I'm not sure I care.
2008-01-21 19:36:00
A couple of months ago a friend of mine (in a town and country that will remain anonymous) decided to become an escort. This wasn't her first foray into the sex industry because many years ago, when she was addicted to heroin, she worked the streets. There is, of course, a big difference between being a street prostitute and a high-class hooker, like Belle de Jour. Well, there's a risk involved in any profession where you go into the vehicles, hotel rooms, flats or houses of strange men but it's a much smaller one when you're at the so-called higher end of the market. I certainly never worry about my safety, and I've only been in a dangerous situation once or twice (and that was because I was young and stupid and didn't know what the fuck I was doing).I didn't really understand why my friend wanted to become an escort. She has a good job, which pays her well, and she was also shagging several men, so there wasn't really any financial or sexual reason for doing so. She mentio...
More About: Care , Sexual , Hypocrite

Links for 2008-01-20 [Digg]
2008-01-21 07:00:00
Can a prostitute be a feminist? A Scottish sex worker adds her perspective to the debate.
More About: Links , Digg , 2008