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In the words of the Pet Shop Boys....
2006-12-02 15:54:09
Sooooo cute !! Originally uploaded by PoetX. "I want a dog. A chihuahua. When I get back to my small flat I want to hear somebody bark."Okay so I don't want a Chihuahua but I've got it into my head at the moment that I'd really love a dog. It's totally impractical for where I'm living at the moment but ever since I was a wee nipper I've always wanted a doggy of my own. My cousin had 5 or 6 German shepherds at one point and I loved every single one of them. Everytime they tried to breed the lady dogs (I can't call them bitches!) I would nag my parents to let me have one but it was always wrong time, wrong place.To rub salt into the wound my Dad eventually got himself the most gorgeous German Shepard once he'd married his new wife. I was insanely jealous and very annoyed at the time.Maybe one day when I'm settled in a nicer home with more room this childhood memory will become a reality but for now I will just have to gaze at this pick and make cute noises and sigh lo...
More About: Word , Words , Shop , Pet shop boys , Boys

Perfection
2006-12-02 15:54:09
"The Rules of Attraction" by Brett Easton Ellis'You stay because Steve is hot. And this depresses you, makes you think, will you always be the quintessential faggot? Will you only pant after the blond-tan-good-body-stupid-goons? And will you always ignore the smart, caring, sensitive type, who might be four foot-three and have acne on his back but who is still, essentially, bright? Will you always pant after the blue-eyed palooka who's majoring in Trombone Theory and ignore the loving Drama queer who's doing his thesis on Joe Orton? You want it to stop, but.....'Being on your own tends to make your thoughts veer to what it would be like to be in a couple. I've been thinking a lot lately about who, if it happens at all, would I finally spend my years with settling down.Have I already made the mistake of letting go of that one person who was right for me but dismissed them because they were - too old, too camp, too far away, too complicated etc etc etc We all have our own idea of...
More About: Perfect , Perfection

Fighting My Corner
2006-12-02 15:54:09
Bjork - Army of MeStand upYou've got to manageI won't sympathizeAnymoreYou're alrightThere's nothing wrongSelf sufficiency please!And get to workYou're on your own nowWe won't save youYour rescue squadIs too exhaustedAnd if you complain once moreYou'll meet an army of meWhy am I always having to justify my every movement, thought and deed? Everything I do seems to be under scrutiny and they always come up with the wrong conclusions. Everyday I seem to be battling my way through others preconceptions and miscalculations. Even at work I have to justify why I'm quiet. It's a constant barrage that seems to have one motivation in mind and that is to break me. So I become more extreme in my retaliation. I don't care how close to the bone I get with my defense. I use whatever means necessary to show that I'm no pushover. This dog bites, so take care when the barking stops as that is when you have to worry.Still, it feels like I'm back at school coping with the bullies, the taun...
More About: Corn , Fight , Fighting , Corner

Self-Exclusion
2006-12-02 15:54:09
Before I start I should really say thank you to everyone who commented on the last post. I know a lot of you came from Dr John to get your JC points but it was heartwarming that you all left some kind words and thoughtful advice. I appreciate all your time and effort and while I'm not doing a whole lot better than last you heard from me, looking back at your comments give me some hope. Again thank you all so much.So, today's post.....I'm in hiding. Hiding from the world as much as I am able. I make dumb ass excuses to stay away from other human contact. I ignore phone calls and e-mails. I just want everything to go away so that I can get things sorted. I don't want people to see me like this. I don't want their pity or charity, their 'I knew this would happen' faces. I want to get through this to the other side stronger because I did it myself and if I have to sacrifice things along the way then so be it.I'm used to the loneliness now, I can deal with the silence as I open t...
More About: Self , Sion

Here it is.....The BIG one !!
2006-12-02 15:54:09
I was kind of asked out on a date yesterday evening via a message on OutEverywhere. Hurrah you all shout and about time too, well don't get too excited because I politely turned him down! It wasn't because I wasn't interested in him, from what I've read in his profile he sounds like a great guy, I just felt it wasn't fair on him to have to deal with where I am right now in my life and I told him this. He replied right back and told me not to be so stupid and that we should go out just for a coffee and chat. He then went on to ask me why I considered my life to be so awful. I didn't reply and still haven't. It did however get me thinking, again, about why I'm here in this god awful state now and, if you'll be willing to take some time out from your busy schedules, I considered putting all the gory, messy details down here.I suggest you make yourself a stiff drink if you plan on reading any further, I don't know how long this is going to take.At the beginning of 2004 life wa...
More About: Here

Has it come to this?
2006-12-02 15:54:09
Popped into the library this evening and came back out feeling even heavier than I went in. It wasn't just the weight of the books that was dragging me down but the subject matter.Life after DebtPerfect CVWriting a CV that worksManage yourself, Manage your lifeSorting Out Your Finances for DummiesHow to get what you wantYou're probably wondering what the big deal is and by getting these books aren't I making a positive step towards sorting my life out. Well no, not really. I've tried this before and the books loaned out were lucky to have even been opened to the first page.Where the hell did my fabulous life go that I always dreamed of? I was looking forward to my own office at work, business lunches, work trips abroad. What happened to the trendy restaurants for an mid week evening meal out? Trips to the theatre, Christ a trip to the cinema once a month would be nice!! Holidays, now when are they going to turn up? I've been abroad once in my whole 35 years and I hated it, prob...
More About: This , Come

Gay History Month.....Apparently!
2006-12-02 15:54:09
Just browsing the internet this afternoon and discovered along the way that October is indeed the month of the gays. What a drab, wet and miserable month to celebrate eh! As I type this it is pouring down with rain outside although I do find the sound of rain particularly soothing. Anyway I digress !!I thought it might be a good idea for this month to do a number of entries on people that have affected my own personal history of being gay to join in the festivities. So here goes. Erasure Album cover Originally uploaded by PoetX. In 1985, or there about, a new pop/synth band popped it's head into the British music charts and they were called Erasure. Consisting of singer Andy Bell (the gay one) and musician Vince Clarke (not the gay one) their first few musical outings were overlooked until one evening on Top of the Pops we saw Andy frolicking around a roof top getting entangled in wet sheets on washing lines singing 'Sometimes' and then they were pretty unstoppable and dom...
More About: History , Story , Stor , Hist , Rent

Bleurgh !!
2006-12-02 15:54:09
2nd day back at work and surprisingly not too bad. Obviously still hate the place and with more ridiculous rules put in place while I've been away it's starting to fulfill my prophecy that the place will be named Alcatraz before the year is out.More people are escaping on a weekly basis and I feel like I'm going to end up being the only inmate soon.I need more interaction with people when I leave from work. I spend far too many hours on my own, sometimes for weeks on end. It doesn't make me feel that positive about myself and I can see that gregarious, confident character I used to have ebbing away as the days go by. I haven't been with my friends on a night out in months and I'm starting to worry that my social skills will have dissipated and the next time I do go out I'll be this wallflower watching the scene as a member of the audience rather than a key player.Sleepless nights are starting again as I start to lose my ability to switch off once I go to bed, a million worrie...
More About: Bleu

Traffic Jam
2006-12-02 15:54:09
Want to reach out even further with your blog, well another blog traffic site is on the horizon. Sign up to ExLinks now and start refering your friends.I'm a glutton for hits to my site. I crave the rising of my site counter on a daily basis so another means to enable this is okay by me!!So what you waiting for!? CLICK the link!
More About: Traffic