The Urban RecluseThe Urban RecluseEnter the strange world of a 20-something South London gal. I try to escape the world, but I always get dragged back into its insanity... Articles
Dropping Like Flies
2008-05-17 14:26:00 It was like a scene from a horror movie. I looked around the room wondering where the dead body was hidden. It was like the episode of CSI where a room was infested with flies, but the body was well hidden and Grisham’s team had to knock down the walls to find it. I looked in the rubbish bin, and there wasn’t even a mouldy ham sandwich which could have attracted such a following. The window of room 5 was dotted with hundreds of black dots, and several more were flying around the room nonchalantly, like they owned the place. They had claimed their domain, but it was time for us to reclaim it. Armed with just a Nippon Fly Killer spray and wet towels around our faces to avoid breathing in too much toxic air, we got to work. The instructions said that for a “knockdown” you should spray in strong bursts then leave the room for 15 minutes. That done we sorted out the lesser gatherings in reception and other rooms. We had to be ruthless. Not one fly survived our ... More About: Flies
Dropping Like Flies
2008-05-17 14:26:00 It was like a scene from a horror movie. I looked around the room wondering where the dead body was hidden. It was like the episode of CSI where a room was infested with flies, but the body was well hidden and Grisham’s team had to knock down the walls to find it. I looked in the rubbish bin, and there wasn’t even a mouldy ham sandwich which could have attracted such a following. The window of room 5 was dotted with hundreds of black dots, and several more were flying around the room nonchalantly, like they owned the place. They had claimed their domain, but it was time for us to reclaim it. Armed with just a Nippon Fly Killer spray and wet towels around our faces to avoid breathing in too much toxic air, we got to work. The instructions said that for a “knockdown” you should spray in strong bursts then leave the room for 15 minutes. That done we sorted out the lesser gatherings in reception and other rooms. We had to be ruthless. Not one fly survived our ... More About: Flies
Clearly the Force is strong in me
2008-05-15 18:46:00 Which attack of the Clones character are you?created with QuizFarm.com You scored as Anakin Skywalker You’re Anakin Skywalker, dude. Lucky you. Anakin Skywalker 60% Mace Windu 55% Obi-Wan Kenobi 50% Battle Droid 45% Master Yoda 35% Padme Amidala 35% Jango fett 30% Count Dooku 20% Related PostsMomentumInertiaWhat I needRed ArrowsTV Show Meme - Play with me More About: Force , Strong , The Force
Clearly the Force is strong in me
2008-05-15 18:46:00 Which attack of the Clones character are you?created with QuizFarm.com You scored as Anakin Skywalker You’re Anakin Skywalker, dude. Lucky you. Anakin Skywalker 60% Mace Windu 55% Obi-Wan Kenobi 50% Battle Droid 45% Master Yoda 35% Padme Amidala 35% Jango fett 30% Count Dooku 20% Related PostsMomentumInertiaWhat I needRed ArrowsTV Show Meme - Play with me More About: Force , Strong , The Force
Ramalama Bang Bang
2008-05-15 16:05:00 This song by Roisin Murphy is guaranteed to cheer me up, and this video by a film student is very cute. The choreography reminds me of the Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) video: Confession time: When this video was released I bought the making of edition so that I could have the full-length version and learn the routine. I was quite a big BSB fan back in the day, I even went to one of their concerts. My favourite one was Howie, who makes a lovely vampire… Related PostsMy Xmas isBizarre Country QuizSummer of Sequels (AKA the Summer of Cack) More About: Bang , Bang Bang
Stewing
2008-05-15 02:26:00 “I need to show you something,” my father said to me. I followed him to the living room where he switched on the television. After a few seconds I realised that I was watching a morbidly obese man being given a stomach bypass. “If you’re not careful, one day that will be you.” I went back to the kitchen to wash up, feeling humiliated and hurt. As he walked past me I said the one thing guaranteed to annoy him, “You’re always talking about the “Babylon” (the Police), well you’re acting just like them now.” So how did this conversation arise? Well, I’d noticed in recent days that my father had been talking to me in quite a brusque manner. As I didn’t think that I’d done anything that could upset him I attributed it to the fact that he’s started a new job which might be giving him some stress. When I was eating dinner and he entered the kitchen he seemed quite annoyed at me, and I asked him if his ...
To be or not to be
2008-05-14 19:09:00 Your Score: Hamlet You scored 69% = Tragic, 31% = Comic, 21% = Romantic, 23% = Historic You are The Tragedy of Hamlet. Highly regarded as the best play ever written by anyone ever, Hamlet tells the story of Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark, and his desire to enact revenge on his Uncle for the murder of his father. When performed in its entirety, Hamlet is just under 4 hours long and contains many of the most recognizable phrases in the English language. But enough of that - let’s get back to you. Your results tell us that you are no doubt of high intelligence and cultural grace. While sometimes a bit dark and moody, you still have the poise and respect of a royal noble. Your tragic flaw, however may be that you tend to over-analyze situations and think too much when you should act. You also may be a bit long-winded, but we like you anyway! The Which Shakespeare Play Are You? Test Stolen from Ben aka Macbeth Related PostsNo related posts
Et tu, Ben?
2008-05-11 01:07:00 Ben memed me, the brute. Roolz: A) The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. B) Each player answers the questions about himself or herself. C) At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. 1. Ten years ago I was: Preparing for my A-Level exams (I got a B in Spanish, C in English Lang/Lit and D in Sociology - I dropped French at the last minute) Working weekends in a wholesaler’s Single Having complicated friendships Preparing to go to university… 2. Five things on today’s to do list: Write a few blog posts Write to my American penpal Tidy my room Prepare some items for ebay Relax 3. Things I’d do if I were a billionaire: Buy myself a house in Bayswater or Battersea Pay off my mum’s and brother’s mortgages Give some away to good causes Have some fun Disappear for a while Invest 4....
Walk it Out - 60s Stylee
2008-05-11 00:13:00 Much better than the Teletubbies’ version. This is the best mashup ever. (via electro^plankton) Related Postsmmm, i wonder…?Continuing our Ladies NightStopping for a cider before the next ‘job’…Not a bad MondayUrban Observations More About: Walk
Summer Loving
2008-05-09 22:14:00 The British summer has arrived. I know this as I have just have enjoyed my first Cornetto ice cream of the year. Everyone’s wearing very little, bra straps peep out from vest tops, pale legs in diabolical shorts. You may be surprised to know that my favourite season is actually Winter, but I’ll talk about that another time. Summer ’s okay apart from the following phenomena: Hay Fever: I used to get awful hay fever during my childhood, and it’s not as bad now but I don’t enjoy the cold-like symptoms, and nor do I enjoy feeling like Itchy and Scratchy are playing war games under my eyelids. Smells: From the high frequency of stale body odour on the train to the pungent stench of rubbish on the pavement, every bad smell is intensified in this heat. There’s a street corner which I pass on my way home with a couple of newsagents and a few Caribbean and Chinese restaurants. Normally along with the various foody smells you might be able to detect the scen... More About: Loving
Tomorrow is Doomsday
2008-05-09 00:42:00 And I can’t wait. Rhona Mitra looks amazing, and you’ve got to love a British Mad Max-styled suicide mission to save the world… [Show as slideshow] Doomsday Movie Related PostsMy feet hurtAnd another one!Sunday Night MeltdownNot a total waste of a dayBusy Busy More About: Tomorrow
Music IQ
2008-05-08 18:33:00 I just happened upon a Music Intelligence Quiz via Chris’s blog, and decided to have a crack at it though I’ve never claimed to be a musical genius. Your final score was 108/180 Birthday Party DJ (73-108 points) You are a rabid consumer of music. You get a rush every time you hear something new but remain faithful to those artists you love. Your music collection represents who you are and what you care about and your home may even bear the tell-tale signs of your affections – posters, old band t-shirts and the odd music biography. But you aren’t a completist, you know what you like and make sure you have it. Simple as that. To expand your repertoire, perhaps there are some genres that you’d benefit from giving a little more attention to – perhaps now is the time to hear something new or get hold of that missing album from your collection. And while we’re on the subject of intelligence, I heard about this dating site for intelligent people and had a...
Love Gravity
2008-05-07 21:57:00 Love Turns Physical Love at the High Place by Li Wei (via Hemmy.net) Related PostsFor the LadiesHooker LoveAlone in a CrowdCloverfieldThis One’s for the Lads More About: Love
London is Doomed
2008-05-04 23:59:00 From midnight tonight Boris Johnson will become the 2nd Mayor of London , and I really don’t know how he pulled it off. The only ‘advantages’ that he had coming into the mayoral race was his notoriety from certain ill-advised comments that he had made in the past, his wild hair and bumbling persona. Were Londoners simply voting for Conservative candidate Boris in order to stick two fingers up at Gordon Brown’s Labour government? I’m sure that was a big factor too. For months the newspapers had been heralding the mayoral elections as a two-man race between the current mayor, Ken Livingston, and Boris Johnson. There was little reporting about any of the other candidates, including the former senior police officer Brian Paddick, who I would have liked to take over the reins. So will Boris prove himself to be more than a wild-haired buffoon? I really hope so, for the sake of London. As Hammer says, £11 million pounds is a lot of money to control, and fou... More About: Doomed
Limbo
2008-05-03 17:05:00 I haven’t blogged much this week, mainly because my head has been a mess. I’m pretty sure that my depression is back, and I’m not sure how to combat it. I’ve been feeling like a dark cloud has descended over me and the feeling of clarity only returns for odd moments each day. I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything, I’ve barely been able to focus at work. I’ve been trying to distract myself, by watching movies, tv-shows, by eating crap, reading - anything to pass the time and keep my hands busy. I should exercise but someone’s always here in the house and I hate doing anything like that when my parents are around. I could go for a walk, but I don’t know where to go. I have no destination. That’s actually my main problem - a lack of direction and destination. I don’t have any motivation. I just want to sleep. I started seeing a counsellor last week (after 2 years on the waiting list). Apart from the fact that s...
Goodies
2008-04-30 19:52:00 It was my brother’s birthday yesterday (though I mixed up the days and sent him a birthday text today…), and I know that he would have loved to get this Star Trek Enterprise Bottle Opener. Too bad that it’s not available until July. (via Neatorama) – I’m Banksy. Yes, I am. – Tokyo Plastic Drum Machine – Top 25 80’s Action Show Opening Credits - This took me back. I enjoyed this post, which ranked the opening credits via the criteria of Action, Sexiness, Cheesiness, Homoeroticism and Intangibles. There were several shows that I didn’t recognise, and this list needed the Dukes of Hazzard, I don’t know how that show was missed out. I do agree with the #1 choice though. My top 3 would have to be TJ Hooker, The A-Team and Hunter, so here they are for your enjoyment. Related PostsHappy Valentine’s Day13 Reasons why I’m a Mac Girl More About: Goodies
A Head for Figures
2008-04-29 21:18:00 (I was sure that I posted this last night, but all I could find today was a earlier draft version which I’ve amended from memory - sorry if you’ve already seen this via rss.) I haven’t paid much attention to my flickr account lately, though I’ve had the odd comment or group invitation from time to time. Today I had an interesting one, the Figurehead group invited me to submit the following pic to their photo pool: It’s the figurehead of the Cutty Sark, a clipper ship which is held in dry dock in Greenwich. She looks quite attractive from this angle, doesn’t she? All long flowing locks and pert bosoms. Interestingly, she looks quite different from the other side of the ship: Not so pretty now, eh? I did some research and discovered that her name is Nannie, and she is a witch from a Robert Burns poem: Tam saw that among the ugly group of witches, there was one which was young and beautiful. Her name was Nannie, and she wore only a ‘cutty sar... More About: Head , Figures
How Trigger-Happy are you?
2008-04-28 00:38:00 You’re a cop, and you come across a random guy who’s holding something that could be a gun. How long does it take you to decide whether or not to shoot? Does the skin colour of the person matter? This was the question asked by the University of Chicago in an online psychology test, which gives you a split-second to decide whether to shoot the guy or whether to holster your gun for an unarmed individual. Interestingly, the results showed that black and white participants shot the armed black guys sooner than the armed white guys. I tried the test twice, because I was confused at first about which button to press, and took a few seconds to get used to the process. The first time I scored really low because I often took too long to make a decision, but my results showed that I took less time to shoot the armed black guys than the white guys. Strangely though, even though the second time around I wasn’t trying to game the system, just wanted to play it right, I actu... More About: Happy
Tomorrow
2008-04-25 23:43:00 And later on I’ll check out Street Kings, just because it’s the only film that my friend and I can agree on for a Saturday night social endeavor, and besides Keanu is always fun to watch. Related PostsMy feet hurtAnd another one!Sunday Night MeltdownNot a total waste of a dayBusy Busy More About: Tomorrow
I do wear glasses sometimes
2008-04-24 19:27:00 Which Wind in the Willows character are you? this quiz was made by Auntie Krizu(:>) Related PostsCatchup vol 1. (films and stuff)Dancing QueensEight more things about meBlood MoonMIA or AWOL? More About: Wear , Glasses
Before you die
2008-04-23 20:33:00 The other day I came across a post on Liane’s blog about a list of 1001 books which apparently must be read before we all die. I’ve only read 21 of those books so far, and only recognised the other ones which had been made into movies. The shame of it. Thinking about it though, quite an industry has been created in the world of books and lifestyle television to extoll the importance of reading a certain 1001 books, of visiting 1001 particular places, of viewing 1001 paintings, etc. Obviously it wouldn’t be reasonable to expect someone to watch 1001 movies, but if someone were interested in doing so it would have to become their life’s work. No marriage could survive the pressure of visiting 1001 gardens or 1001 natural wonders; no normal career could accommodate such a task. So are these books an impossible challenge or a burden? As we age will we look upon that hardback book on our coffee table and like the cliché says, regret all the things that we h...
Daft Wear
2008-04-19 15:35:00 I’m still thinking about the videos I posted here a few days ago. Not all of us have great bodies, a lack of inhibition, or the light skin necessary for this experience, but it does look like great fun. Or perhaps you’d like to take it outside, do it in your local club without having to show your naked torso and thighs? Well I have the answer for you, in this tracksuit that I’ve designed, which features all the words from the Harder Faster Better Stronger song for your robotic enjoyment. [Show as slideshow] Optional fingerless gloves are also available. The tracksuit is available in any colour you desire, and once your order is received my team of skilled monkeys will create the dancesuit of your dreams. I’ve found another video of a couple of sexy ladies performing their own version of the dance. Loads of the youtube commenters have been very rude about the ladies weight, but anyone can see that they aren’t overweight, theyR... More About: Daft , Wear
The Spice is Right
2008-04-16 02:45:00 Your Score: Coriander You scored 50% intoxication, 50% hotness, 50% complexity, and 100% craziness! You are Coriander! You’re subtle. So subtle that people often forget about you. You are refreshingly clean and rather odd. You’re often misunderstood. Your key word is “latent”; all your potential is wrapped up tightly until “BOOM,” one day you’re cilantro. Funky. The Which Spice Are You Test Related PostsA Spice LadyNews RoundupTry the Spice AisleSpicy AuthorMusic Meme (1998)
Truth Hurts
2008-04-15 00:57:00 I almost can’t believe what I said to my friend Miguel this evening. I basically told him that I felt like he was always wanting something from me, and that I was feeling used by him. I said that I didn’t think he was consciously doing it (to give him the benefit of the doubt) but I wasn’t happy with how things had been going in the past few months. He seemed to take it quite well. Why did I say this to him? Well it has been festering in me for a while. At first I helped him out and didn’t say anything to him despite my annoyance, then I tried to avoid him (which was hard when he visited me at work if I didn’t answer my phone), then more recently I’ve been giving excuses, but he would try to talk his way around them. For instance, last Friday after not contacting me for two weeks he calls me, seemingly for a catchup. When I mention that I’m not working this week he says that I can help him to conduct some research. I replied that I didn... More About: Truth
Freedom
2008-04-14 19:21:00 I’m not due back to work for a week. Ideally I would have liked to disappear somewhere for a few days, and I should be getting paid tomorrow, so we’ll see what I can manage. I’m so glad to not be at work, my colleague is really getting on my nerves right now. She keeps on trying to manipulate me into supporting her mission against the rest of the organisation. When I express my own opinion on things she becomes patronising and rude, and I can’t stand it anymore. I just want to do my work and go home. My phone alarm woke me up at 7.15 as I’d forgotten to turn it off. Then the postman work me up at 10.30 to sign for a letter. I think I scared him with my hideous appearance; I’m not a morning person and I probably look like a real hag before noon. Related PostsEmancipate Yourself from Mental SlaveryA touch of the wild horsesFreedom !PartyTests
News and Views
2008-04-13 22:20:00 The weather’s even more bizarre than usual over here in Blighty; a week ago it was snowing, then it was rather mild all week, then this afternoon it rained heavily. I decided to go for a walk when the rain seemed to be dying down, but a few minutes later I found myself in the middle of a hailstorm, and became unreasonably worried that one of those huge mutant hailstones would fall on my head and knock me out. Luckily it eased after another couple of minutes. – France’s First Lady, Carla Bruni, is apparently upset about the reappearance of some nude pics she modelled for during her modelling career. I don’t think she should be embarrassed at all; what’s done is done, and she looks amazing. Sure, it’s probably not totally appropriate for her current position as Mrs Sarkozy, but you have to own your actions, and posing nude, like having a tattoo, is something you may have to live with for the rest of your life. – I don’t mean to be di... More About: News , Views , News and Views
Harder Better Faster Stronger Dafter
2008-04-13 01:56:00 Oh my, this video has it all. I prefer it to the original one with the girls, if only because the guys don’t stand still. (via Electro Plankton) Update: just discovered that my favourite guy from the above video also did a solo version: Now, that’s talent. Related PostsHit me BritneyInsomniaPump It Up: Dance Mix (A Review) More About: Stronger
Hello, Joe
2008-04-12 03:10:00 Why don’t you make a move, Joe? (Not you.) Flashbacks of a Fool: When an ageing movie star returns home for a friend’s funeral he faces his youthful dreams, and a nightmare he’ll do anything to forget. Judging from the trailer this film will be a sensuous and thoughtful exploration of young love and its consequences. With still over 200 days left until Bond 22, Daniel Craig makes sure that I am not left bereft without him for too long. Plus he appears to be quite nude in at least one scene… Related PostsNo related posts
Forgive me, Mariah
More articles from this author:2008-04-10 23:54:00 On the way home from work this evening something very strange happened. A bright pink limo drove up beside me, and two burly blokes grabbed me and tossed me into the back. I found myself sitting opposite someone who looked a lot like Mariah Carey in sunglasses. “Do not speak directly to Mariah,” said a minion sitting beside me. “You are PJ, of the Urban Recluse Blog, are you not?” “How do you know that?” “We have our ways of gaining information,” said the minion, who spoke in an unusual accent, like Angelina Jolie in Beowulf or Alexander. “You have offended Ms Carey with your blog post about a trash bag dress. She would never wear such a dress, and she felt that your sarcasm was unwarranted. She has beautiful breasts, and feels entitled to flaunt them whenever she wants. Who are you to deny her this human right?” I could smell the minion’s peppermint breath as he leaned in close to rebuke me. “It was an Apri... More About: Forgive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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