We Survived The Teens

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Cass
2007-04-19 20:44:00
Two days ago, my youngest daughter, Cass, told me she signed a lease for an apartment. She's moving out in July. Finally.I love her. I also like the person she has become. And of the three girls, she and I have the most strained relationship. I am used to being adored. Cass does not adore me. In fact, she's pretty critical both overtly and subtley. We talk about it and she does not know where her expectations of me come from. I keep wondering if she/we will outgrow it. I keep wondering if we will be able to overcome our mutual wariness of each other. I get whisperings of it, and then this week she is aloof again, distant. She hears everything coming out my mouth as criticism. I get tired of her putting me down. The other two girls are constantly telling us we're weird together, that we have issues. It's true.I admire Cass. When she was 17, she finished Homeschool early and didn't know what to do with her life. She took a few weeks moping, then one day when I was out of town, sh...

Tantrum Time
2007-04-19 00:55:00
from I am a much better parent of teens than younger kids. Much.Awhile back, I was in a store. There was a five year old girl there with her father. She was screaming, in typical five year old fashion. I have no idea what about, but I remembered those times when my kids might have had the same response to life when it was not going the way they wanted it to.I looked at her, looked at the Dad and said to my friend:"Give me drugs, sex and rock and roll any day over that!"And I meant it. Any. Day.
More About: Fun , Time , Tantrum

No Means No (ages 1-5)
2007-04-18 17:04:00
"Mother and Child"Gustav Klimt The most difficult job as a parent is to figure out how to raise a child safely so they grow with an inner sense of responsibility that leads them to trust in themselves. This is the basis for discipline. How do we teach our children to do the ?right? thing and behave responsibly to themselves and others?In watching my friends and the results of their parenting styles over the course of over 25+ years, I've seen a clear pattern. The children of parents who had strong and consistent guidelines when the child was young, then gradually let go of those boundaries and gave incremental and appropriate self-direction to the child did best. These children grow up with a stronger sense of themselves. They aren?t as angry. They have more respect for themselves, others and the planet, do better in school, in relationships and at their jobs. My theory is that when kids are young, they need a framework within which to operate. The younger they are the more structu...
More About: Discipline , Ages

4/17/2007 Quote For The Day
2007-04-17 23:54:00
One of my favorite Teachers, Abraham, says of Parenting:"You gave birth to them, now get out of their way!"
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My All Time Favorite Midwife Story
2007-04-17 22:47:00
I was a lay midwife for about 6 years, doing homebirths. In that time I got to help close to 200 babies come into the world.Midwives love to sit around and tell Birthing stories. We tell them because they touch us, they teach us, the make us laugh or they are truly unique with no catagory to place them in.This one of those "unique" ones....Three of us were there as the midwife team: Karen, Ella and me. The Mom, Carol, was a best friend of Karen?s. Karen was also good friends with the father?s parents, who were there at the house for the birth.Carol was progressing well and she and Don, her husband, were alone in thier bedroom. We midwives were going in there every once in awhile to quietly check on things and take the baby?s heart tones (the way you make sure the baby is OK). We had just done our thing, all was going well and the three of us went into the living room to sit to give the parents some privacy.The living room couch was on an angle, with a chair at one end, and a desk ar...
More About: Story , Time , Favorite , Tory , Favor

Backstory: Conflicting Spiritual Paths
2007-04-16 22:05:00
I have always led a very spiritual life. At age 5 or 6, I felt called to be a Nun. I remember feeling transported in Church. By the age of 11, I began to question the Catholic church, but kept my deep Spirit ual nature. By fourteen I was reading about Hitler and the Holocaust, the history of the Christian Church, and Eastern religions.My strong interest in spirituality led me to studying it in college, both when right out of high school as a minor then after returning to college in later life to finish my degree. My BA is in Religious Studies. My journey has been long and circuitous, always following my inner knowing and experience. I've ended up with a personal spirtuality based primarily in Mysticism and the body.My ex grew up in a Protestant household that did not have a strong connection to Spirit or religion. He had no interest there. When we got together at our very young ages of 20 and 21, here I was on this intensely spiritual Path and there he was, kind of...not. We got pre...
More About: Spirituality , Backstory , Tory

My Love For You Is Big
2007-04-15 17:09:00
Last night at dinner I got to sit next to my grandson, Kailyb. We talked about lots of stuff- his toys, what he wants to do at pre-school, life in the eye of a three year old. At one point I looked at him and told him I loved him sooooo much...that my love for him was bigger than the sky. He looked at me and said "yup, Mom, too."So I looked at my daughter, Starla and smiled, asking if she said that to him. She smiled back and said, "Yes, many times." It was one of those moments that are so sweet as parent, the times where you get to look into the eyes of your grown child and re-discover the things that your kids took to heart and incorporated in themselves. Where you get to know that you did, indeed, do something right.Because this is what I used to tell her. Many times. Now that I'm on the other side of the teens, I understand even more how important it is for kids to grow up knowing that somewhere someone loves them unconditionally. I knew it was my primary job when they were lit...
More About: Life , Love , Grandson