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Not quite sure...
2007-09-10 13:26:00
Its been ages since Ive blogged about anything. Right now...my life is somewhat confusing.Confusing incidents...confusing situations...Ive been going out with a new group of friends...the kind of friends that are really cool and everything....but I don't really know much about any of them.We all went to a gay bar so that the "Guy" in the group could hook up with another guy that hes interested in or something.I was tipsy from my aunts wedding reception earlier...I had too much wine to drink. With a family as dysfunctional as mine...wine is needed!At the gay bar, two gay guys approached my friends and I. Did I mention to you tha I am a woman? Seriously, that was weird...because they were seriously gay...and they asked me if I was looking for something "different"???One of them sorta comes behind me and asks for a "Hug"... while I sat on a bar stool...and so he hugs me, cordially while telling me how pretty he thinks I am...and then starts massaging my tits? Then he starts pinching m...

Its interesting...
2007-08-06 17:36:00
I went out with "Z".She reminds me alot of myself, yet in ways we are very different.She took me to a bar to meet her friends. They all seemed pretty nice.I felt a little bit odd being there, because I found myself looking at the men...even though they are into other men.It was a bit weird.There was a small party going on, so we stayed for a couple of hours. At the end of the night, she kissed me...The next day I was feeling really strange because I had gone out with her and it felt like a date. The sort of date like when I have gone out with men before and at the end of the night, they want a kiss?It was "that" kind of date.She called me up on the telephone, asking if I had a nice time with her.I told her that I did...becaise I enjoyed her company alot. She is really wonderful to talk to and she has such a great vibe!She asked if I found her attractive. I told her yes. That was truth. I wasn't lying. I think shes pretty, and I think I'm attracted to her.We ended up spending time ...
More About: Interesting , Eres

Dinner at 8
2007-07-27 03:36:00
Today I spoke with "Mr.Phd"-the handsome professor.He said he wants to definitely keep in contact with me. He feels that our keeping in touch will be a great benefit to the both of us. Perhaps hes right. I don't know very many handsome, intelligent professors...and he does have a wonderful sense of business. He has quite a bit of knowledge on alot of things and that is alot of help. Now the part about "Me" being a benefit to him? I'm not sure. Maybe he likes my companionship. I admit...I am happy that he wants to keep in touch with me. Its weird...butI can't help it. I am so attracted to him. I have this weakness for handsome intelligent professors who gab on and on about intelligent mumbo jumbo...it drives me insane!I know, its pathetic. Sue me! We had dinner together and talked about our lives. He didnt mention anything about his wife, and I'm not sure if it made me relieved or uncomfortable. Maybe I didn't really want to hear about his wife...then at the same time...what sor...
More About: Dinner

It feels like a Thursday
2007-07-25 01:28:00
I found myself getting along wonderfully with this lady who works directly with KMA manufacturing. Shes very beautiful, sweet and so smart. I found out she is my dad's "mistress"...The one who was in the middle of my mom and dad's "situation"...The woman he ran to when he felt my mom wasn't giving him whatever it was that he needed...which was probably more than just rice w/chili at 3am in the morning.My mom told me today that she'd already figured it out. She didn't seem to be hurt...but shes really good at hiding her emotions. This isn't my dad's first or only mistress...We found out later there has been several. I try not to let it bother me. I know my parents marriage is over with and hes technically "single"...Their divorce is final and they are living in separate zip codes...Am I wrong to like his mistress? I even hugged her! After we went over paperwork, we hugged! I never thought I'd be hugging the woman that my dad "hooks up with"...But...shes actually really sweet....
More About: Thursday , Eels

Mujeriego?
2007-07-23 18:01:00
I talked with "W"...Hes an attractive looking italian guy Ive known for 6 months now. He is always talking of getting together on a weekend and seeing the city of NYC...It sounded nice. I do need to get away for a while...like a small vacation. He always talks of how he cooks great pasta dishes and likes nice wine and great movies.Somehow in the middle of our conversations, he always manages to say "You are sooo sweet and beautiful. You are like a fairytale dream"...Its so sweet to hear such beautiful words...but I've heard them before. I'm not quite sure yet if its a line hes using, or if hes genuine...Hes always talking about all the stuff he wants to buy me, and how bad he wants to impress me...Hes always going on and on about about how he insists that I stay in one of his beautiful lofts in Manhattan, and how he would let me use his credit cards to buy clothes or perfumes or whatever of this and that and this and that and blah blah blah...then I found out that hes got a girlfr...
More About: Erie

Bored
2007-07-21 20:32:00
I went to Ohio to visit my friend. It was really nice there.We went to some malls and resteraunts...The weather was humid and sticky.When I came back home...I saw "D" called again. She left thousands of messages.I listened to two, and realized that all of them were probably the same..."Guess who I saw yesterday?" she said in the beginning of both messages.That gets so boring! I am so tired of hearing her begin sentences with that.Today its sunny out...but not sticky. Its so beautiful out...there are such lovely cool breezesSo I went downtown...A female bum kept following behind me. She kept trying to sell me stolen candy.Then she followed me for an entire 2 freakin blocks, telling me that she liked my hair and really needed to speak with me.I finally asked her if she was into women or something and if she was trying to seduce me.She said no. Then I asked her what her fucking problem was...She said she just wanted me to buy some candy.I told her no thanks, I didn't want any candy.I ...
More About: Bored

The "Sometimey" Friend
2007-07-19 19:08:00
"D" called me on the telephone.She says she misses our friendship. It was kinda sorta somehwhat nice hearing her voice again...She told me that she and her boyfriend are super happy and are still trying their hardest to have a baby.She asked if I would call her sometime, but only when her man is at work.I was offended by her asking me that...oh well...I don't miss her twisted friendship at all.
More About: Friend , Some

Loneliness
2007-07-17 16:18:00
"C" called me last night...Hes very pushy.He kept insisting on hanging out yesterday and the day before.I told him point blank, "I am having a horribly bad week"...He didn't hear a fucking thing I said.He kept on insisting on seeing me last night, even when I told him that I am too depressed for that.I hate men who are not medically diagnosed as being deaf...but just decided they will become deaf when they don't hear the words they prefer....His insisting only made me hang up the phone much quicker than I had planned. This week has started out bittersweet.I have found tons of places that do wholesale manufacturing for the things I will need for my store inside the gallery. I am sooo excited about that.On the other hand...my relationship with my mom is not going very well at all. It sucks actually. It takes me back to childhood again, making me feel like shes walked out on me.I hate the way it feels. I can't really talk to anyone about it, because my friends all had pretty "normal...
More About: Loneliness

What?
2007-07-16 06:01:00
I went to the "W" to watch my dad perform blues and jazz on stage. He was really good. My sister showed up and sat at my table. The wine was free...Upstairs was a poetry thing going on. I went for a while to listen. I thought maybe "C" would be performing...but he wasn't there.My sister and I spent the rest of the night listening to dad, then we went home."C" called. He said he missed me terribly and wanted to know what was wrong.I didn't feel like telling him. I am no good at thorough communication...I wish I could be different and explain my feelings, but its so difficult for me.So...of course, I didn't really tell him much. I just said that things seemed to be moving a bit too fast, so I had to get away from it.He then explained that he will take it as slow as I need for him to...because he has now developed strong feelings for me.I didn't know what to say. I can't say I really feel the same about him, because I don't know him well enough to even say that. And besides...the...

Flirting
2007-07-16 05:23:00
I went with my mom to for her pedicure and manicure at this place downtown, across the river.The owner of the shop is "L". "L" and I went out 3 years ago off and on. Vietnamese food and alot of kissing only. Hes a gentleman, but also a momma's boy. He speaks terrible English, and hes quite handsome.His sister was doing my mom's pedicure when he walked in the front door. I hadn't seen him since last summer at the casino. He smiled at me and gave my shoulder a squeeze...Alot of women were in there...some attractive ones, some ugly fat ones. I hate to sound mean and cocky...calling some of them fat and everything but its true.The fat bald ones had the worst attitude...just like always. Yea, the type of women who give you a dirty look just for walking in the room. You can be friendly or whatever but it doesn't matter because they hate you because they are fat...Its plain and simple...The type of women who are jealouse of any and everyone who smiles at the handsome male manicurist......
More About: Flirting

Hot Air
2007-07-13 15:24:00
The "Gas" company in the town I live in is completely overrun with nasty bitchy females. They are so uptight and evil!I swear...its like dealing with an entire customer service of mean vicious women!If you ask for a supervisor, they act as if you are asking them a very personal question. I asked if there was another number besides that one..."We are the only number maam. We are the only ones you can talk to" the bitch replied.So...this is a Gas company that has only "ONE" telephone number and no supervisors. Only people in the customer service dept. Am I supposed to believe that?Do they think people are really that stupid?Sheesh!

Okay I'm Weird...
2007-07-13 06:50:00
"C" telephoned..."Were you sleeping?" he asked."Earlier I was. I got home from work late and was worn out" I said."There was an open mic poetry thing going on tonight" he said."Ohh really?" I asked.I was a bit surprised, because he hadn't mentioned it before. He'd said something about some famous Poetess/Singer coming to town this weekend."Could you hold on for a second?" he asked."Sure" I said.Clear as a bell, he began talking with a girl in the background in a very flirtaceous sexylike voice..."Be sure to listen to that CD I got for you, okay darlin?" he flirted."Ohh I sure will!" she flirted "I just can't wait to hear it!""I'm glad your enthusiastic! I hope you really enjoy it. Be sure to listen to number eight more than anything. People always tell me thats their most favorite one!" he flirted."Well I will be sure to listen to that one first cutie" she flirted."Bye now. See you soon" he flirted."See YOU soon" she flirted with a voice like honey..."Hello" he said with his voi...
More About: Weird

4am
2007-07-11 09:46:00
I have insomnia...The severe kind!Maybe I had too much coffee earlier.I'm not even a dedicated coffee drinker.Maybe I'm a partially "phoney" coffee drinker or something...Because...I didn't even drink it to stay awake or anything today.I was totally into the chocolate mocha flavor!Earlier I called about some potential spaces for the gallery.I was so excited about it!My mom went with me to check them out.I always forget that shes ALWAYS in a BIG hurry, no matter what day it is...even if shes not even rushing to go anyplace or to do anything...Shes the White Rabbit from 'Alice in Wonderland'...Her going with me was a big mistake!ughh!!!

Tuesday Blues...
2007-07-10 15:14:00
When my sister's boyfriend left for Miami to pick up his kids last week...things were different for a short while.My sister was being so nice to me, and asking to hang out alot. She even asked to spend the night with me one Friday.For a second, I forgot my sister had even changed. It was like having the old "her" back again.Now that her boyfriend has come back from Miami...(Her live-in boyfriend whose more than once spent up every red cent of their bill money on secret things)my sister is is now back to being an evil monster! And to make matters worse, she has managed to pull my 16 year old brother into her sick game!I feel so alone...Tonight is open mic poetry downtown at the "P"...I might go. I'll probably end up going alone. I've gone alone before, and its no big deal really. Sometimes total strangers are nicer than family.isn't that weird? Have you ever noticed that?Sometimes family can be your worst enemy!Compelete strangers...can sometimes they treat you better than your o...
More About: Blues , Tuesday

hmmm...
2007-07-09 16:34:00
A girl named "S" asked me to hang out with her on Saturday. Shes a straight up lesbian with some very strong opinions. She said shes very attracted to me, but has a serious longterm relationship with her girlfriend."Its harmless...nothing wrong with just hanging out" she smiled. And shes right. Shes a really nice person and I love her personality alot.I've hung out with women who were lesbians before. Its just like hanging out with straight women, except the personal preferences in lifestyle are different. Its so funny how men react to women who are lesbians or bisexual.Once or twice I made the grave stupid mistake before of confiding in men that I was bi-curious. I learned the hard way.NEVER NEVER EVER EVER tell a man that you like men but have a "curiousity" about women.Why?Because they will treat you like a total nasty animalistic SLUT.Like your not human...or a circus freak.Most men feel the word "bicurious" or "bisexual" means a free ticket/invitation for them sleeping with tw...

Too Many Red Flags
2007-07-09 15:58:00
"C" called me on the telephone.I decided to talk with him for a bit.The conversation started off very pleasant and it made me wish he hadn't ruined things by moving so fast with me.I like his personality in alot of ways...yet, there is something very disturbing about him and "THE BIG TRANSPORTATION ISSUE"....Not only "ONCE" has he crossed the line with that...but "manyyy" times!I've tried not to keep track of the times but its happened anyway...because like it or not, my brain has this weird built in red flag calculator that automatically adds,subtracts,multiplies and divides all the pros and cons..."C" asked me over the telephone what I was doing.I told him I was going shopping with my mom and two family friends.He said he didn't mean to come off as 'forward' and asked if my mom would mind picking him up in her car to bring him shopping with us.I told him that it was supposed to be a "girls day out" sorta thing.He seemed to be very disappointed but said he understood.Before th...

Family Visit
2007-07-09 15:37:00
My two aunts came over to visit.Both of them seemed to be kinda happy to see me.Its been a long time since I'd seen one of them...not since she moved here from up North...traded in her mansion for a house that has room enough for 3 families to live in.She seemed to like my house alot...she kept calling it a "dollhouse"...I guess my little house would seem like a little girl's dollhouse to a woman whose used to living in big mansions and penthouses.Shes a good lawyer but not so good when it comes to matters of the heart and love.We got along well yesterday. She had an hour long conversation with me, and she brought me some nice house decorations....and then promised to come back again soon.I gave her my telephone number. Maybe she'll call sometime...
More About: Family , Visit

7/7/7
2007-07-08 04:22:00
They say today was supposed to be some special day...It was on quite a few internet headlines and even on the news channelsThey say it was a special day because it was 7/7/7...Well it wasn't so special...not at all...The entire day sucked.Nothing worked out...

It Doesn't Feel Like Friday
2007-07-06 13:55:00
Today is so strange because Wednesday felt like it was Friday . So today feels like a special mid-weekday or someone's anniversary or birthday for some odd reason.My sister asked if I am going to the "E" tomorow.I got a message by mail that "C" is hosting...I really don't want to see him right now...not at all...He called me on the telephone twice last night, and then he called my sister's cell phone a couple of times asking her if she knew where I was.He and I aren't in a relationship and already hes trying to keep track of my whereabouts as much as possible.I really hate that.I would never even clue him in on where I am...what I am doing for the day or any future plans. I guess he felt Wednessday night was quite successful between us.If this is the case, then our feelings are definitely not on the same page.He'd mentioned before about getting tickets to a play. I love going to plays but I don't think I want to go to one with him now. I've decided to just let it go and move o...
More About: Feel

I Feel Awful
2007-07-05 15:37:00
"C" and I met up downtown in the pouring rain! I have never been one to go on a date walking in the fucking rain grrrrr! I really didn't like it at all. I did happen to have a really big umbrella with me...He tried to be a gentleman and hold it for the both of us...which made matters worse because hes like 100 feet taller than me...therefore, I got completely soaked! Then he asked"Are you getting wet?"Why did he ask that question when he saw that my clothes were soaked?We ate at a French place near a really nice hotel. Dinner was nice...The conversation was wonderful and everything felt like magic for a while...Then he asked if I wanted to see go to the festival on the river. At first I wanted to...but then I changed my mind. He invited me over to his apartment as the rain got worse.So I caught a cab with him...He informs me in the cab that he doesn't have an automobile. I am not one to judge but...he is almost thirty and has no car or truck or anything?I don't care about what ki...
More About: Feel , Awful

One Or Three Kisses
2007-07-04 15:07:00
Last night I went downtown to the poetry place on Main Street. "The P"...My sister ended up coming with me. She was in a horrible mood because of the situation between her and her fiancee. She looked heartbroken and pissed off at the very same time. We sat at the same table as some poets that frequently get onstage at different places around town."C" showed up. He sat with me. I was happy to see him...I read a poem that I wrote about him. He had a very puzzled look on his face...He asked me if that poem was about him...I was shocked that he caught on to it! and...I burst out into laughter with him..."I really liked it alot" he said..."Thanks" I smiled...I was a bit disappointed that he didn't write anything about me. Instead he read some things he wrote about on the subject of "Politics"...ughhh...Politics is NOT my favorite subject. I hate it.After the last poem was read..."C", my sister and I went to this italian place over in the Lowlands to eat pizza. I had such a great time wi...
More About: Kisses

I Need Coffee This Morning...
2007-07-03 15:38:00
I am still sleepy...coffee would be sooo nice... Mr.Phd professor and I talked.He says hes very interested in helping me to get together a financial statement for the gallery.I am sooo excited about that.Wow!I am also flattered that he called me "beautiful" a couple of times. It made me blush!Hmmm...Its such a shame that hes married.((sigh))He said hes coming back in town soon and would like to get together to see some of my work...and to further discuss detailed plans for the gallery.I admit...I am really looking forward to seeing him.I don't have any new paintings right now, but I have alot of stuff I did from last year and the year before.One of my paintings I still have not finished...I started it around December 2006, and haven't gone back to work on it yet.Tonight I am going to the "P" to read some stuff.Once again, it is a bit odd...because what I will be reading are just some random thoughts on paper...and not something that I would necessarily call "poetry"...I did write ...
More About: Coffee , Morning

Lovely Conversational Vibe
2007-07-02 15:22:00
♡"C" called me when he came back in town from NYC.The entire conversation with him was so pleasant...like a breath of fresh air! It was nice to hear about his trip and all the interesting city photos he took. Surpisingly I discovered that he and I some very funny and interesting things in common...He said he used to be teased for being a Nerd/Geek with glasses when he was a kid in school...just like me! And he also has a shy streak inside of him that hes still trying to work on....and so do I.We talked about religion and the spiritual psyche... We evengot on the subject of 'celibacy'...and surprisingly...he didn't get scared and run away!Even when I told him that I am a single mom...I thought for sure that would freak him out too.Being a single mom isn't the most popular thing in the world to be nowadays...even if you were once a very respectable married wife that had children by your husband...a virgin on your marriage night with your husband etc...Some might not admit it...b...
More About: Lovely , Conversation , Vibe

Saturday Was Interesting
2007-07-02 14:30:00
Saturday, I ended up going to "E" for poetry night. My 2 younger brothers, my sister, my younger cousin and my two aunts showed up. One of my aunts lives out of town, and stopped in for a visit.It was so strange getting up to read in front of my two aunts...Especially because I realized on Saturday...my aunts don't even know me.They stopped bothering to know me when I was around 19 years old...back when they wrongly accused me of stealing 4 times and even found out that I hadn't stolen anything whatsoever!and they didn't even bother to say they were sorry or anything.They just acted like they never even accused me in the first place...After that, instead of really taking the time to find out who I am...they decided to rely only on alot of harmful gossip, lies and rumors spread by two angry bitter female cousins "C" and "J"..."C" and "J" spread rumors and lies that I was into heavy drug use/alcohol and out in the streets sleeping around with lots of men...They even said I started ...
More About: Interesting , Saturday , Eres

Hormonal
2007-07-01 00:13:00
"C" and I talked on the telephone.Hes really very intelligent and alot of fun to talk to. He said when he comes back from "NYC" he'd like to spend some time getting to know me. I am so flattered!Tonight is poetry open mic night at the "E" and I wish he was going to be there. My sister and brother will be going with me.I wrote something else dedicated to "C"...I will be reading it tonight...so I am sorta glad that he won't be there.My stomache feels sick...Its my "time of the month"...Ughh...I took some meds that doctor "K" gave me for the severe cramping.Now I feel drowsy, edgey and a bit yucky too...My hormones are a mess!I hope the rest of my night gets better, because this sucks so far...
More About: Mona

2 Seconds Of Intrigue
2007-06-28 13:14:00
'Mr.Phd' history professor...with the glasseswrote me such a nice sweet letter.I was so pleasantly shocked to hear from him!He wrote about his week, and some experiences hes had with teaching students over the years. He really loves to talk alot about 'History' and 'The Arts' quite a bit.I love his taste in jazz music and museums. Hes so well rounded and cultured.... intellectual...It was so nice to find that we have so many things in common!He likes concerts, festivals and so do I.We have the same taste in movies and in sushi!It almost felt like it was too good to be true!...and well...yes of course it was too good to be true...because then I found out today...hes a married man.
More About: Intrigue , Seconds

Onstage Poetry Night
2007-06-27 14:17:00
Last night...I went to the "P" downtown, for the onstage poetry. I was so nervous. I decided to wear a long, flowy white bohemian skirt, a black tanktop, sandals, my handmade beaded jewelry and a jean jacket.Yes I dress like a 1960s hippy...because I have hippy/ecclectic blood.Two ladies sat at my table. One of them who had dreds kept touching my hair saying how she loves women with naturally curly hair "Its sooo beautiful and soft! I really love it" she kept saying.Sheesh! I felt a bit awkward and weird about her touching my hair. The last person who did that was a tall blonde blued eyed German guy named "J" who was extremely obsessed with touching, kissing and sniffing my hair last year!... It was a creepy/seductive experience with him...I was so glad when she finally stopped! Although she is a very pretty lady and it was quite an interesting experience...There was food being served in the very back, after intermission following the first half of the show.Everyone was crowding bac...
More About: Poetry , Night