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Adventures of an American Sexual Predator in Russi...
2007-06-11 10:04:00
Adventures of an American Sexual Predator in RussiaParty Scene[Night. Charming and eclectic apartment of the director of the Russian-German volunteer exchange program in St. Petersburg. Vasilevskij Ostrov. Amelie soundtrack playing in background]Enter Stage Right happy_accidents, bobs12, alex_j, and sky007000.At the kuchentisch sit two bubbly girls from Austria smoking Camel cigarettes, a very tall blonde from Sweden, Hans, and also a petite European-looking girl named Sasha, who is in all actuality Russian. In the far right corner sit 5 Chinese students shying away from the crowd, giggling amongst themselves and drinking Baltika.Robert and I move in for the prey. I start chatting with one of the girls at the table, Juliya. She is from the south of Austria and actually belongs to the Slovenian minority there. With a choppy blonde bob and striped long-sleeved shirt, Juliya looks a lot more Austrian than Slovenian, but Robert insists that nonetheless she has a certain “glow� about...
More About: Adventures , Vent

Live music capital of the world. Sometimes I lik...
2007-06-11 10:03:00
Live music capital of the world.Sometimes I like to take a stroll down slaughter lane...Oh hey, this is me.This is my Dad.Birds line the roof of the ugliest church I have ever seen.That's about it for now.ust a friendly update from CafeMax on Nevskij Prospekt!I am so through with this. All of this. I hate all of the choices I have made and I realize that coming to Russia was the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I could turn back now, but I can't. University is starting, and if I want to transfer to anywhere in the States I need to at least finish my second semester.At this moment I can confidently say that I truly do hate my life. I am looking for a room to rent somewhere, but there seems to be nothing available. And I can't afford a full apartment, let alone one that is actually in the city. Oh, and the SPbGU dorms are overbooked. Absolutely no space.I've screwed myself over in so many ways, it's not even funny. Right now I wish I could just be an average American college st...
More About: Music , World , Live Music , Live , The World

It's been a long time. I think I'll be applying t...
2007-06-11 10:00:00
It's been a long time.I think I'll be applying to some US universities for the next academic year. As my advisor says, there is simply no [academic] benefit to studying in Russia, especially when your native language is English and you have such a wealth of opportunities in the States.I know that I could stay here for four years; I'm off to a decent start. My grades are fine, but I don't know how long I can continue to subject myself to this.Maybe next semester will be better, maybe. Maybe the teachers won't ramble on for three hours straight until they eventually forget what they are talking about and let us go. Maybe I won't feel guilty walking into class where I haven't read the required 100 page reading that I wouldn't understand, had I read it anyway. Maybe I will actually learn something and maybe I will actually care.Maybe, but it's doubtful.In any case I'd like to have an educational institute in the US to run to if things get bad enough. And yes, for the record, I...
More About: Time , Long , Been

To be completely honest, I don't feel like writing...
2007-06-11 09:57:00
To be completely honest, I don't feel like writing in here anymore. I am completely tired of it. I find nothing interesting to talk about concerning my life, thoughts, and/or dreams. Just for the record, I am not depressed. I just don't like the idea of outside parties judging me at a time when I can't even figure out who I am myself.In the moments before sleep I wonder about such abstract entities as sexuality, failure, my decision to move to Russia, and, of course, studies in university. But I can't make sense out of any of it.None, whatsoever.Hey, life is OK, I am doing fine!+ I am completely obsessed with David Sedaris (again) and am determined to match his skill (someday).+ I am getting really good at reading political philosophy in Russian. Now I just need to conquer literature...+ I have a meeting with my new tutor on Wednesday. Help has arrived for my poor American self!By the way, I don't consider myself a good photographer at all, but I would like to practice taking p...
More About: Writing , Honest , Like , Feel , Complete

Блин, товарищи. ЕÑ�ли бы вы только знали, нÐ
2007-06-11 09:56:00
Блин, товарищи. Е�ли бы вы только знали, на�колько � хочу мне нужны отношени� � девушкой! Я �ерьезно. �е хочу дождать��. �е хочу найти другого парн�. �ужна девушка. Именно �ейча�.У мен� более нет ни �ил, ни времени ве�ти �толь бурную и �оциально активную жизнь, как прежде. Да, универ�итет едва у�пел начать��, а уже за�аживает мне по �амые помидоры. Лету конец. Ушла учить��!Гудбай.I haven’t sat down to write – in English – for a very long time.I’m sick of trying to be an academic – or an artist – in the Russian language. So here, I’ve finally written a lengthy post in my native tongue, and I feel so relieved.I consider written language to be more of an art than anything....

Я хочу �ек�а � девушкой. Moving around from plac...
2007-06-11 09:54:00
Я хочу �ек�а� девушкой. Moving around from place to place every week.Keep running out of money; I think my account is being hacked.Original high school diploma and transcript still lost.Need to socialize.I really want friends.I need to take my prozac.I hate taking prozac.University starts soon, holy shit.Wait, I am going to university, right?This. Month. Is. Crazy.I don't think I will be staying in St. Petersburg long (for now). Somehow, I just don't feel at home. This is perhaps due to the fact that I don't have a home.Where do I go from here?By the way, (After a long night of vodka-drinking)В�е плохо: документы так и не нашли�ь, денег мне никогда не хватает, друзей нет, Кирилл �о мной не общает��, и родители ругают мен� за то, что мне 18, а � в�е еще веду �еб�, как "�гоцентричный тинейджер".�ичем не ...
More About: Round , Ving

So in short, guys, I'm being exiled to Finland for...
2007-06-11 09:52:00
So in short, guys, I'm being exiled to Finland for 2-3 weeks. What am I going to do with myself?! I wonder how much it would cost to take a ferry over to Stockholm, if that is an option.*Continues to freak out*I am in Stockholm now, heading out on a train to Budapest tomorrow.***I suppose I haven't been writing for two reasons:1) I do not have internet access.2) For the past month prior to my departure, I have been living with the person I love. He is my food, my water, and my shelter.But now I'm gone, again. This summer's plans have finally been determined as...St. Petersburg - Stockholm - Berlin - Budapest - Finland (somehow) - St. Petersburg - Murmansk - St. Petersburg - Oslo - St. Petersburg - Finland - St. Petersburg.The only way I can stay in Russia now is by obtaining multiple tourist visas. Funny, I've been living in the country for six months and the most I can be considered as is a tourist.In general, life is a funny thing. I guess I shouldn't take it too seriously a...
More About: Guys , Bein , Short , Being

English-Only
2007-06-11 09:49:00
English-only.Sometimes when I think of where else I could be right now, and what else I could be doing, I want to laugh and cry and bang my head against the wall, all at the same time.Quite frankly, I don't think I've ever had any talents besides music. Music, which I devoted the first half of my life to, being called a 13-year-old jazz prodigy and then eventually giving it all up before I graduated high school. It's actually rather painful to recall. Not that I miss the competition and feuds between us young musicians, nor the 6-8 hour-a-day practices and drills, nor my lips that would split open and bleed into my mouthpiece from being overworked. Yes, this was the stress that made trumpet no longer fun for me.I do miss, however, the extreme rush and embarrassment of performing improv solos in front of hundreds of people, recording studios, having crushes on the cute senior boys in our bands, and of course, I miss being the best at something.No, really. I was good. Fucking good....
More About: English

Shit. I just got two emails: One from my mom, and ...
2007-06-11 09:49:00
Shit.I just got two emails:One from my mom, and one from my ex-boyfriend. Phil1 - hey, looks like we'll get to see each other again.A ticket has been bought for me already - I have to go home. For what period of time - I don't know. For what reason, I also don't know. Apparently my parents miss me too much. "Consider it a father's day and a mother's day and both of our birthday presents rolled into one."Um.. What am I supposed to do about my one-way visa?I'm so scared that once I go there, I will not be able to come back. Besides this, I still retain awful memories from the last time I returned home after being in Russia, leaving a loved one behind...UPD.Leaving sometime next week with a flexible return ticket (meaning I can choose whenever I want to come back. I'll probably be gone for two weeks, and in this time I'll receive a new visa).Public service announcement: Murmansk.On a completely random note:foto_murmansk. Absolutely beautiful. I can't wait to go there.Note: Non...
More About: Shit , Emails

I rarely leave the house these days, and when I do...
2007-06-11 09:49:00
I rarely leave the house these days, and when I do, I always end up extremely disappointed.I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. I have no energy, no joy, no desire to do anything but sleep and eat. That's another thing - I've gained a bit of weight. This depresses me even more. However I recently bought some appropriate shoes and shorts so that I could start running. We'll see how that goes.ПоÑ�леднее времÑ� Ñ� редко выхожу из дому, а когда выхожу, в конце концов вÑ�егда глубоко разочаровываюÑ�ÑŒ.ЧувÑ�Ñ‚ вую, что жизнь из менÑ� выÑ�оÑ�ала вÑ�е Ñ�илы. У менÑ� Ñ�овÑ�ем нет ни Ñ�нергии, ни радоÑ�ти, ни желаниÑ� делать что-либо, кроме как Ñ�пать и еÑ�Ñ‚ÑŒ. Да, и еще одна проблема - Ñ� немного потолÑ�тела. Это еще больше менÑ� тревожит. ХотÑ� Ñ� нÐ...
More About: House , Leave , Days , Ouse , The House

Bank blocked my debit card from being used due to ...
2007-06-11 09:47:00
Bank blocked my debit card from being used due to "suspicious activity," that is, me trying to withdraw money in Russia. After several days of freaking out, calling the bank and trying to get them to reactivate it, I think everything is almost back to normal. Now, I just can't withdraw sums of money larger than 2000 roubles ($72) in one day. This is kind of inconvenient, seeing as how today I must pay my share of rent ($250), as well as oncoming charges for my new visa (several hundred).Hopefully these problems will be sorted out, because tomorrow I am leaving for Estonia. I am very concerned about how I will manage to pay for the hostel, and of course, the visa, considering my credit card will not be accepted, and my debit card may not work.For now, I am going to try and not think about it so much. Rent will be paid tonight, our internet is back up and running (another payment issue was experienced there), I will soon do laundry, I have 2000 roubles, and on top of that, I am going...
More About: Card , Bank , Bein , Block , Being

"Russia is not a country meant for living - it is ...
2007-06-11 09:44:00
"Russia is not a country meant for living - it is a country meant for living on the edge," says Cyril as we run through the night streets hand-in-hand, trying to get to the commercialized outskirts of St. Petersburg before all the big shops close down. We need a sheet, a blanket, a pillow, and some food to eat before calling it a night at my new and scantily-furnished apartment. An impulse-decision. Bottle of vodka - optional. We both had class today at university, but I didn't go to mine. He didn't study for his Japanese test, but went anyway because I forced him with whatever sense of "responsibility" I had left. Yes, this is Russia, where we all don't give a fucking damn about our studies, and even students who were once the strongest and most dedicated in their class (like me) go astray in search of new thrills. Love, sex, late nights, early mornings, coffee mixed with whiskey, emotional breakdowns in public places, frantic pillow-shopping at 11 PM, wasting money, draining ou...
More About: Living , Country , Count , Ving

relationships/love 50% single. I guess. To ev...
2007-06-11 09:35:00
relationships/love 50% single.I guess. To everyone: I am doing quite fine.I am not going to let relationship troubles get me down. And that's all I will say about that for now.So, I went to the grocery store tonight. I now present you with an inventory of my various food products.In my fridge:Edam cheese "from Lithuania"Chocolate flavored syork (that is, a little bar of sweet cheese meant for kids)Troika milk chocolate with hazelnutsDanone "Bravo" yogurt, flavors chocolate/orange, and vanillaValiojoggurti yogurt "Fruit Bomb"Two cans of beer, Holsten and BaltikaPre-made "vinegret" - cold salad with chopped beats, potatoes, carrots, pickles, etc.In my freezer:Vareniki (like cherry jam-filled ravioli)More vareniki (with potato and onion)On my kitchen shelf:HalvaRice Cakes (only a few left)Black breadGreen tea packetsMat'e packets (in this case, a honey and mint tea)Two little bags of sukhariki (fried pieces of bread, meant to be consumed with beer. Flavors: sour cream and onion, and...
More About: Relationships , Love , Single , Guess , Ship

You know, sometimes I feel like I'm making the big...
2007-06-11 09:31:00
You know, sometimes I feel like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. I'm moving 9,000 miles away from home, and for what? I often get caught up in other details and forget that I am actually doing this for myself.And then I look through my old LJ entries and realize how happy I was there, me and nobody else. This is not a mistake. This is a very purposeful plan to improve and change my life in an interesting way. If I was strong enough to make it through these 6 miserable months in Tucson, I can make it in Russia for an indefinite period of time.And if not, well, the good thing about life is that it moves on.The only reason I experience regret is because I am bored. To quell that instinct, I decided to recall some little (but important) things about Russia that make me want to return.1. Bliny. Oh, my luscious bliny!2. I will be able to meet new friends there, and generally socialize more than I do in the States.3. Hilarious classmates at the Spetsfak.4. Not having to smile a...
More About: Like , Feel , Maki , Makin , Some

RANT! - I am sick of school. Absolutely sick of it...
2007-06-11 09:27:00
RANT!- I am sick of school. Absolut ely sick of it. It's a good thing I only have 2 weeks left.- I officially finished my second semester English course today, in the form of an 8-page final.- Oh, and I HATE work. I told myself I wouldn't quit until I received my visa invitation, which, by the way, is late. A few weeks ago I called them, asking when the damn thing would be ready, and they said 7-10 days. More than this time has elapsed. ARGH.- I am exhausted. I have taken a 3-4 hour after-school nap every single day this week.- I could really go for some ква� (kvas) right now. Mmm, a nice cold glass of fermented bread.- In general, I want nothing more than to be back in Russia. I miss it so much.- I haven't studied for my Arizona Government exam tomorrow. It's too bullshitty for my taste.- I am currently obsessed with shopping (ut-oh), but need to wait until I go to DC and then Russia, because there will be better things to buy there.Yeah, I know you don't care about this. A...
More About: School , Rant , Sick , Absolute

Today paprikapapaya took some photos of me. Dar...
2007-06-11 09:24:00
Today paprikapapaya took some photos of me.Dark, but oh well.Oh, intense gaze!I title this one "The Savage."I later realized that I wasn't showing any clear shots of my face. So here you are. Don't I look happy?!I'd update this more often, but my life is boring.Here's a quick update on what I've been up to:- Waiting for Russian visa invitation- Have about a billion written assignments to complete- Have given my LJ a new layout. Yes, that's an aerial view of St. Petersburg.-Still being harrassed by The idiot quoted here.- Finally found a download of my favorite piano song in the world to play, the one which I am listening to now.Check it out!Oh God, how mundane is this all? But, it's better than being depressed. Last week I was depressed, and this week I am not. Last night I couldn't sleep after reading about a fascist killing in St. Petersburg. It's still bothering me, to tell you the truth. But alas, I've got work to do.P.S.Last night I had one of the best dreams.It's ju...
More About: Photos , Today , Papaya , Some , Paya

I'm not sure I have ever drank as much, as I did l...
2007-06-11 09:21:00
I'm not sure I have ever drank as much, as I did last night. I'm going to stop for a little while, and allow my brain cells to replenish themselves.(happy_accidents, dunautremonde, taste_of_air's legs)paprikapapaya and I.Distraught hostess dancingfaenoir.I'm also now officially giving my co-dishwasher trumpet lessons. I began doing this before the party last night, and it was actually quite fun. He's an amusing person, to say the least. I'll take pictures sometime, and you'll see what I mean.I GOT MY [NEW] PASSPORT!!!AHHHHHHH! Now I can finally apply to a language program at SPbGU.. tomorrow after work I'm going to make copies, fax them, and register online. Then my visa invitation comes in "4 to 5" weeks. Within that time, I'm buying my plane ticket to Russia. And all will be beautiful.P.S. Here's a picture of my new boots, appropriate for wintertime in Russia.Just a quick, before school, HEY I'M EXCITED update:I will get my visa invitation in 4-5 weeks! Thanks to dair_s...
More About: Sure

First Draft If you are of anti-Russian sentiment, ...
2007-06-11 09:19:00
First Draft If you are of anti-Russian sentiment, this does not apply to you.If you are interested in learning where my fascination with Russia came from, read this essay.Given the hundreds of pages I’ve already written, the tears I’ve expelled, the impassioned states of hope and hopelessness that have taunted me- I honestly thought that by now, I’d have a better answer for you.At the risk of seeming blind-sided, I cannot imagine myself anywhere else but in St. Petersburg. Having only spent 6 weeks of my summer there, I can hardly classify myself as an expert, however to say that I love and relate to the city is an understatement. What I feel is more of a deep, unfaltering connection, something undeniably clear in my eyes, but inexplicable to others. As Tatyana Tolstaya states, “Logical categories are inapplicable to the soul.� True to this statement, it is perhaps important to note that my interest in Russia began in a dream.I was 15; it was a summer night preceding my stu...
More About: Anti , Sentiment

The most interesting birthday present I received w...
2007-06-11 09:16:00
The most interesting birthday present I received was from Dillon's sister: a lighter, pipe, and pellet of marijuana reeking through the ziploc bag.How could something like this ever be given to me? Me with a 4.4 GPA, clean reputation, and adamant disgust for cigarettes. Regardless, by 7 PM I had already sunk back into my typical sullenness and figured I had everything to gain by trying marijuana: englightenment, relaxation, a captivating livejournal entry...The experience that followed can be characterized as self-loathing paranoia, and at best I felt uncomfortable and ashamed. Dillon, the deliverer of the goods was the most experienced out of us - I guess that's the price you pay for having a pot-head sister.Needless to say, I did not get high. After painfully puffing on the phallus-shaped pipe, my friends and I retreated to the community jacuzzi where I began to observe the effects of their inebriation. At one point Dillon had to ask me whether I was speaking English or Russian,...
More About: Interesting , Birthday , Present , Eres , Resent

At this time I must wonder what my life is all abo...
2007-06-11 09:13:00
At this time I must wonder what my life is all about.It frequently lacks substance.My routine here consists of eating, walking, boyfriend, eating, drinking, walking, sleeping.All things considered I love it, however I know that if I ever plan to lead a real 'life' here I'll have to integrate some other components.My plan is to graduate a semester early next year and return. Whether this is possible, I don't know. But I am god-damned determined to do so, otherwise I will certainly revert back to my depression in the hellhole of Tucson, Arizona. I emailed my Mom about the idea; she says it needs to be discussed when I return and she's worried about the price.If anyone knows how I could live cheaply and meaningfully in St. Petersburg for the 5 months prior to my [hopeful] university entrance process, please tell me! All wild ideas will be considered.Regardless, I need to start saving thousands of dollars for this. Of course I'm going to recommence a working life as soon as I retu...
More About: Life , Time , My Life , Must

Oh God.. I received my SAT scores today.. 96% on r...
2007-06-11 09:08:00
Oh God.. I received my SAT scores today..96% on reading and writing... yet... 50% on math!Oh shit :-/By the way, my last [friends-only] entry was not intended to be my good-bye post :-)Finally it's here. Tomorrow morning I depart for St. Petersburg, Russia. I don't particularly feel like writing an elaborate entry about this; for those who know me well- you already realize how I feel about this trip :-DTo sum it up: OH MY GOD. YES.I will be gone for 6 weeks, which means I return the 16th of July. My Mother is paranoid, so I've been instructed to email her every day for the first week I'm there. This means I'll have to find an internet café of some sort. While I'm at it, I can update my Livejournal as well. I will try to stay in touch throughout my stay.By the way, I changed my userinfo location to St. Petersburg, Russian Federation. And it just looks so right.It's real.After an overnight delay in Washington D.C. my bags have been lost. I've been wearing the same clothing si...
More About: Today , Scores

I'm in such a hole and I can't seem to attain any ...
2007-06-11 09:05:00
I'm in such a hole and I can't seem to attain any peace of mind. I have four tests to make up tomorrow in addition to two or three regular ones. And then the [daunting] SATs are on Saturday morning. I can't take it!Must get back to work, must get back to studying.It somewhat bothers me when I have added a person on Livejournal, writing a comment in their latest post to notify them, and although they have clearly seen it, they do not add me back!. E-rejection :'(What a tragedy of having lived in the vibrant city of Boston only to move to Tucson, a blazing valley of cactus, 70s architecture, and not much else. This is a town whose population is expected to reach 1 million within the next decade, however I think we have enough ignorant locals to last centuries. As a bike commuter, I've encountered some of the most careless drivers I have ever seen- I've been hit 3 times in the last year and have close-calls every single day. It hurts me that people can be so mindless, especially ...
More About: Hole , Such , Atta

As if my life wasn't boring enough, tomorrow is go...
2007-06-11 09:00:00
As if my life wasn't boring enough, tomorrow is going to be the day I quit work. Surely this will be beneficial for my overall well-being, however I'm frightened of suddenly having the weekends free. At the moment I'm so discouraged with Russian that I don't feel particularly inclined to study like a maniac. What will I do with myself?Meanwhile, I browse through old magazines I bought in France. J'adore les Françaises- j'ai envie d'être plus européenne.I honestly wonder where on the globe I will end up. I will certainly follow through (and ENJOY) my Russian experience, however after all my struggles with the language I doubt I'll be opting for another Slavic tongue. How I love to complain!Oh, and why do I always look so tired?Look, I'm speaking Croatian :-S**It's a joke*** Warning*** I was armed with only a Croatian phrasebook ;-)***Bartok Rok: zdravo!xkawaii zombiex: dobar danxkawaii zombiex: odakle si?Bartok Rok: Dobro, hvalaxkawaii zombiex: nema na eemuBartok Rok: Ja...
More About: Life , My Life , Tomorrow , Boring , Morrow

I'm a train wreck, baby Oh, and it's the new year....
2007-06-11 08:57:00
I'm a train wreck, babyOh, and it's the new year. I celebrated what was perhaps one of the best nights of my life with the boy of my life, my all-encompassing lover extraodinaire, Philip Crosby. Of course when I write now, there's a heightened sense of drama; I have cascading background music (courtesy of Mark Mothersbaugh) as a catalyst for my reflections. I wish that the music was playing then, when we were cuddled in the back of his car, at his favorite spot, looking at the twinkling city. Or when we climbed the roof of Guitar Center, spinning around to view all the midnight fireworks. Maybe, if I had an iPod...Today Phil and I met his friend, Manda, for coffee. She was nice, cute, and bubbly. We sat with her friends in the gas chambe.. I mean smoking section of "the Café," which was interesting and different for me. I entered the situation nervously optimistic, and left feeling lonely and defeated, smelling like 1,000 cigarettes. After a half an hour I realized that I would ...
More About: Baby , New Year , Train , Year , TRAI

Once again, there he is, shirtless and curled up i...
2007-06-11 08:54:00
Once again, there he is, shirtless and curled up in blankets on my bed-- Only, it's a Thursday. We are both supposed to be at school; me taking a math test, he resuming slumber at his wooden desk. I don't think that he has gone to school once this week, nor does he much on a regular basis. He's surely on the brink of failing, and I fear that I am now fulfilling the same feelings of high school-hate that have lured him into this downwards spiral of truancy. Oh my. Oh my my my.Current eventsIKEA- home to Swedish, minimalistic, sometimes spaceage and never rustic, fashion-foward, utterly sittable, lickable, smellable, and beautiful furniture.Phoenix- not so fortunate. After a few hours of browsing through the congested aisles of diverse Phoenicians (though typically incarnated into the chubby, meatball-eating, viser-sporting, baby-in-tow, Viva Bush sticker-tacked-onto-their-SUV kind of people), Philip and I climbed back into the Jeep. "Phoenix has the highest rate of car theft in th...
More About: Once Again , Less , Once , There , Shirtless