Raising Great Kids in a Diverse World

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Thursday is book day!
2007-09-27 13:46:00
I came across this book as I was looking for ways to show my daughter that there were other kids-maybe not exactly like her-dealing with issues that were difficult for them. While I do believe that we are lucky-we are healthy, have a roof over our heads and lots of love-I also believe that we have the right to ruminate on our problems-even if there are others in the world in more dire straigths. I believe that we have the right to think our problems are as important, albeit only to us, as anyone else's problems.That's why I liked this book. The short stories and poems collected in this are arranged in sections that focus on particular problems and crises children may face that isolate them from "normal" peers. Themes include sickness, disability, hospitalization, loss, conflict, developmental change, and loneliness.The stories are simple, most 2-3 pages followed by a few questions to talk about. Characters featured in the stories represent a range of ethnicities and socio-econo...
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Say what you want-but remember that actions still speak louder than words.
2007-09-26 16:03:00
Did our notion of free speech go out the window when Columbia University President, Lee Bollinger introduced Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as a "a petty and cruel dictator." Granted, Ahmadinejad did say some flamboyant and controversial things-like questioning the Holocaust's impact on Palestine and claiming that there are no homosexuals in Iran-which reminds me of an equally ridicules statement by Bill Clinton claiming there were no gays in the military-but that is another story!At any rate, I am not supporting Ahmadinejad or Iran in any shape or form, but I am questioning the wisdom of Lee Bollinger's introduction-which if it doesn't undermine our sense of free speech, it certainly seems like it can be selective use of free speech to me.And while I don't condone the Iranian president, I also don't appreciate Lee Bollinger playing fast and loose with one of the most important tenets of the Bill of Rights.Here's why: it is clear that most American don't like the thing...
More About: Words , Speak

D (definition) Day
2007-09-25 15:53:00
I was tooling around the Internet yesterday and came across a statement that biases were based in facts while prejudice was not based on facts. That struck me as odd, so I decided to look around a bit more. I wanted other opinions on the differences between bias and prejudice.I found these definitions from Southern Mississippi University the most succinct and informative-and considering their location in the Deep South, I assumed that they were pretty familiar with bias, prejudice and its consequences.So here goes:BiasThere are many definitions for the word "bias". In human relationships, the most important of these connects bias with prejudice.Bias implies unfair judgment based on these arbitrary human characteristics. It's also something we all do, whether through a systematic like or dislike of certain characteristics, or simply through lack of familiarity with the world of human difference. PrejudicePrejudice is a feeling we have about one another and our human characteristics:...
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Are you my mother?
2007-09-24 14:04:00
Do you remember that great children's book-Are you my mother?-where a baby bird falls out of its nest and goes looking for its mother. The baby bird stops to ask the cow, dog, and even a steam shovel if they are its mother. They all tell it no, and he keeps on searching until, lo and behold, he finds his mother-and she is a bird.But let's rewrite that story just a bit. A weak and sickly baby macaque monkey is abandoned by his mother. He was found, near death, and brought to an animal hospital. where a white pigeon literally took him under her wing and 'mothered' him.Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what people look like that we forget that we don't have to look like anyone to be loved. And isn't that what we all want-to be loved no matter how we look? Isn't that the message you want to send to your children?I know that I do.With Respect,Deb
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We can all relate to this story!
2007-09-21 14:56:00
Everyone can relate to this story....it came from http://www.all4humor.com/jokes/kids/index .htmlA man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this...
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Thursday is book day!
2007-09-20 17:37:00
"The Jade Dragon" is a story of two girls-one born in China-Stephanie-and adopted and one born in the US to Chinese-born parents-Ginny. Ginny, feeling like the odd-girl out is thrilled when Stephanie joins her class. At last, another girl who looks like her. Maybe she can finally get a best friend. Unfortunately, Stephanie is not interested in anything Chinese-even Ginny-and Stephanie's mother continually rants about Stephanie's lack of "Chineseness", making it difficult for her daughter to forge a relationship she desires.While the story, is about the relationship between the two girls, it is the context in which the story plays out that is interesting. Written in the 80s with references to "The Smurf" and "Star Wars", the language used about adoption is now considered a no-no. For example, Ginny's mother refers to Stephanie's birth parents as her 'real' parents-a moniker that parents whose children joined them via adoption have fought hard to stamp out and how unlucky St...
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In the pink....standing up to bullies!
2007-09-19 18:00:00
The pink triangle was originally used to identify homosexual men in Nazi concentration camps. Today, the pink triangle has evolved to a symbol of gay pride. Of course, some men-regardless of their sexual orientation-simply like to wear pink and don't think twice about the color's significance. But, there are some people who assume that a man wearing pink, must be gay and then go out of their way to make sure that man knows how he feels about homosexuality as the 'story' below indicates!Once upon a time, a high school boy came to school wearing a pink shirt. He was minding his business when a group of older boys began to harass and threaten-they thought that he was gay because he was wearing a pink shirt.The younger boy was devastated, but he was not alone. Another senior decided 'enough was enough' and decided to give the bullies something to talk about.The next day, the older boy and his friend handed out 75 pink shirts before class-and also brought a pink basketball to sc...
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Satire-the reprise
2007-09-18 17:13:00
The battle over the appropriateness of a recent YouTube video depicting adoption from China is still raging-weeks after the video was first uploaded. This discussion followed hot on the heels of the controversy generated by O. Yang's photos of white fathers and daughters born in China. Like everything, some people feel that it is satire and other think it is a horrendous and destructive and racist piece of 'entertainment'.Who is right? And do we have the right to make that decision? Merriman-Webster Online dictionary defines satire as:1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or follyFranky, both the video and photo series meet the criteria as satire. Yet, members of the community were enraged that these artistic endeavors saw the light of day.They want these types of things stricken from our collective memories? Other think that if something offends you then you should just no...
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Friday Fun!
2007-09-14 18:34:00
If you NOT convinced that how we say and do things-even unwittingly-are picked up by our kids, read these REAL stories below...A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....' His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,'What are you doing?' The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mom.' 'And is this how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked. 'Yes,' he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?' The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.' The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to ...
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San Diego, anyone?
2007-09-13 17:42:00
I promised my daughter I would take her to Sea World in San Diego , CA for Thanksgiving-who wouldn't want to share this festive day with Shamu?!It has been many years since I have travelled to San Diego, so I was a bit flummoxed about how to begin to search for places to stay that were child-friendly and near the attractions we would want to visit-the beach, the Zoo, Sea World etc. I also wanted to be able to take cabs and walk places to eliminate renting a car (for some reason this has always been my least favorite part of traveling).Looking online for accommodations and flights proved to be challenging-first the amount of information is enormous and there was no ability to compare and contrast, so the back button on my browser was working overtime.Fortunately, I found Hotel Reservations. The site is very straightforward and has all the bells and whistles that a traveler might need-but they don't get in the way of the information. It took me some time to get used to the way the in...

Thursday is book day!
2007-09-13 16:17:00
I confess, I love to read with my daughter before she goes to sleep. We do it every night (whether she wants to or not!).Some of our favorite books are from The Magic Treehouse series by Mary Pope Osborne. We love traveling with Jack and Annie as the explore everything from the first Olympic Games to meals with lions and buffalo. We can almost hear the wind whooshing through the tree-house as they leave on their adventure and breathe a sign of relief when they arrive safely back in Pennsylvania.These books are great for beginning readers and to read together. They allow the reader to experience history, nature, and other real life adventures through the eyes of contemporary kids. The juxtaposition of contemporary characters against historical events has been a great way to engage children and then even expand the conversation into a wonderful 'teachable moment'.The series also help children experience other cultures and traditions. For example in Hour of the Olympics, Jack a...
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The dance of life: one step forward and two steps back!
2007-09-12 14:19:00
Just when we were all excited about the way Binky Barnes's family expansion was handled on PBS, another video surfaces on YouTube. You don't even what to see what was behind door number two.Someone thought it was funny to present adoption from China as a shopping trip-pick the one you want, wrap her up and bring her home. The video came complete with images of girls from China in plastic shopping bags. Not only was the video in horrendously bad taste, it was just plain stupid.Of course, those in the adoption community were shocked and dismayed at the portrayal of adoption, but the damage goes far deeper than families formed by adoption.While Binky Barnes was likely watched by many people, the video on YouTube had the opportunity to travel worldwide. It is likely that many more people were able to see the YouTube video than watched the Arthur episode.In 30 seconds-or even from the opening shot, the YouTube video did more damage to adoption than we have seen in a long time. It ...
More About: Life , Dance , Back , Step , The D

Hooray Binky Barnes!
2007-09-11 13:50:00
Finally, families formed through adoption have something to cheer about in the media. For the first time in recent memory a media vehicle has hit on the facts and emotions about adoption on the nose!Congratulations are in order to the team, lead by Executive Producer Pierre Valette, who created the Arthur episodes following Binky Barnes and his family as they expand their family with the adoption of a baby girl from China. This is one of the first shows featuring adoption that wasn't demeaning or pandering. In fact, reviews indicate just the opposite-the show was able to accurately portray some of the feelings that a waiting sibling might have when facing the addition of a new family member. Binky Barnes's emotions run the gamete from excitement to dismay-and fear of getting the dreaded inoculations needed to travel to China to meet his sister.This episode-and its sequel go a long way in normalizing adoption bringing it out of the shadows and exposing children and their parents ...
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Bias bites back!
2007-09-10 14:43:00
The other night my mother was related a story about a gal in her office who had recently found her dream house. The woman is black.The woman told my mother that she and her family loved the house,but were concerned thatthere were so many Mexicansin the neigborhood. My mother was shocked that a black person could be biased. She thought bigotry and racism were the purvey of Caucasians.Of course, we know intellectually that everyone, everywhere has biases, but sometimes it seems that it is only white people who are biased (nothing like a little supremacy complex). That is simply not true-we just don't hear about it or think about it.There seems to be a racial hierarchy with whites a the top of the pyramid. Second in line seem to Asians (after all they are all bright and hard-working). Black and Hispanic people pull in behind Asians. Given the demographic coming attractions where white population decreases rapidly against the rise in non-white populations, this seems to be incredibly s...
More About: Back , Bias , Bite

Fun on Friday-from Overheard at the Beach
2007-09-07 17:42:00
But I Can Get by in English, As Long As They Speak Slowly Canadian girl to Americans: Oh my god! You guys speak Canadian? We've been looking for other people who speak Canadian!American guy: Yup, only Canadian. No American or English. Only Canadian.Canadian girl: Awesome! Me, too!--Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
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Thursday is book day!
2007-09-06 17:05:00
September is National Hispanic Heritage and National Literacy Month. This combination is a great opportunity to expose your kids to Hispanic culture and encourage them to read.Each Thursday in September, the books highlighted showcase Hispanic culture-and are personal favorites.Enjoy, The Day It Snowed Tortillas / El Dia Que Nevaron Tortillas, Folktales told in Spanish and English-we did.Book s are an easy, fun and inexpensive way to give your children some of the tools they need to respect, celebrate and appreciate cultures, choices and abilities. For a few books with a bit broader cultural context try these:With Respect:Deb
More About: K Day

CBS Radio Does It Again!
2007-09-05 16:53:00
From bad to worse!Some people just don't get it-or are so interested in making money that they don't care if they profit by abusing others.CBS joins the rarefied crowd of those that 'don't get it'. As difficult as it is to believe, they replaced the controversial Don Imus with an even more (is it even possible) controversial racist, sexist and ethnocentric 'shock jock'.Yep! They did it again when they announced that Craig Carton who's history includes, Operation Rat a Rat/La Cucha Gotcha-a 'game' to turn in undocumented immigrants, 'outing' politicians THOUGHT to be gay and mocking Asians by mimicking accents and traditions.To be fair, Carton wasn't always a jerk. He has done sports formatted programs across the country and has successfully increased ratings in many of the markets he broadcast in. And like Imus, he has generously supported children's charities. CBS is pairing him with ex-football player Boomer Esiason-who one can only hope will be the voice of reason.C...
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A day at the beach-off topic!
2007-09-04 16:14:00
I am fortunate to live in a beautiful area of the United States, surrounded by beautiful ocean beaches and calm bays. It is an area that is frequented by the 'rich and famous' (who don't drop by for a bar-b-que, in case you are wondering). In the summer, our mellow community is not so mellow. The beaches are crowded,parking impossible, the stores raise their prices for the 'city' people, there is a lot of traffic and tables at restaurants are hard to come by. Tempers are short-I guess when you are paying $300,000 to rent a beach house for a month, you have high expectations. The locals take it in stride, counting down the days until Labor Day and we get our communities back.The summer visitors, on the other hand, are trying to squeeze in the last bit of fun before they head back to work and school. When the weather is magnificent, the pursuit of fun is even more frenetic. We were fortunate to go to the beach twice this weekend-once on Saturday:And again on Monday:So, I wa...
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Who knew that computers could be so funny!
2007-08-31 16:29:00
I spent most of yesterday in technology hell! It was ugly-but not as bad as these true computer questions collected from different sources:1. Who do I remove a banana shoved in the optical drive?2. My laptop was run over by a bus. How long will it take for you to fix?3. You mean that pop-out tray is not a cup holder.4. I dropped my cell phone in my kid's chocolate milk and it got sticky, so I washed it in the sink. Then it was wet and I put it in the oven to dry. Now it doesn't work and I can't figure out why.5.My floppy disk that won't stay in the disk drive, so I used Superglue to keep it in the drive. Unfortunately, technology sometimes gets the better of us. But, not to worry, there is always someone who is less technical than you!Have a great Labor Day Weekend (in the US). I will be back on Tuesday.With Respect,Deb
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Thursday is book day.
2007-08-30 15:55:00
Kids all over the country are counting down the last days of summer-and so are their parents albeit for different reasons! 160,000 kids every day stay home due to bullying and 1 out of three kids in the US are effected by bullying-as victim, as onlooker or as a bully. And those are only the ones we know about.Many bullying incidents take place out of the watchful eyes of parents and teacher-on the bus, on the playground and other places that kids frequent with some independence.Bully on the Bus by Carl Bosch offers kids from 6-9 the opportunity to help a boy who is bullied on the school bus. The story invites the reader to weigh alternative and then explore the consequences of their choices. Not only are the kids actively engaged in the book, it is a great opportunity to get kids to talk about their experiences with bullies in a non-threatening, non-tattle-tale way. In a world where bullying is at epidemic proportions and the consequences can be unbearable violence, we have to inter...
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The Eyes Have It!
2007-08-29 18:11:00
Eyes are the window of the soul. And we also look at a person's eyes and immediately assess what their race is. We automatically assume that a person with almond-shaped eyes is Asian. (By the way, rarely to Asians describe their eyes as almond-shaped. When asked the difference between their eyes and others, they are much more likely to refer to differences in color.)Sometimes, Asian kids are teased because they have almond-shaped eyes. One Chinese woman recently told me that almond-shaped eyes are considered a sign of beauty as they are the same shape of the phoenix!But looks can be deceiving. Look carefully at Anjelina Jolie's and Ben Affleck's eyes. They are all beautifully almond-shaped-and I don't think any of them are Asian!The 'take away' for our kids is 'don't judge a book by its cover' or a person by the way they look. We want our kids to be able to appreciate each other. In Families are Forever, Rain sums it up when she says,"I could see we looked different.....Our...
More About: Eyes , The Eye

Thanks, O. Zhang!
2007-08-28 16:52:00
Never one to miss the chance to 'beat a dead horse', even I was surprised to see the fervor which still surrounded the photo exhibit, Daddy and I by O.Zhang . It is interesting to see how people have become experts-in photography, East-West relations, father/daughter relationships and even ESP! The flap over the appropriateness of the photos and their 'true' meaning' continues unabated-particularly in the adoption community.As of yesterday, some of the more skeevy photos were taken off of O.Zhang's site. This morning, one adoption group member reported that the photographer had taken note of the derision the photos were causing and reacted by re-arranging her website.I am not sure if this is the effect that is most beneficial-in the long run-for our kids. On the positive side a group of people joined together and had their voices heard. Our kids can see democracy in action which is a great thing. However, I wonder if this is the best course of action for kids long term. Intenti...
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Art or Exploitation-only you can decide.
2007-08-27 15:17:00
Lots of talk about photographer O Zhang's exhibit Daddy and I (http://web.mac.com/zhang_o/iWeb/Site/Dad dy%20&%20I%20.html) has been bubbling up in blogs and Internet chat groups over the past week or so. The exhibit is a series of photographs of girls who joined their families via adoption from China and their Caucasian fathers. Sounds good so far, right? The artist's statement about the photos indicates that he was trying to "capture the affection between a female child an an adult male"-especially when different racial and cultural groups are part of the mix. Zhang further writes, "through the relationship of the emerging feminine power of the adolescent girl to the mature father, each image explores the relation of the two often divided cultures: East and West."Sounds reasonable, right?Why, then, are the photos creating such a stir? Maybe it is about the vague sense of unease we get when we look at the photos? We ask ourselves, "Are these poses appropriate for a father and daug...
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Bye, Bye Stereotypes!
2007-08-24 15:49:00
Stereotypes go both ways. They can be positive, i.e. all tall men play great basketball, or negative, i.e. Chinese people can't run fast, but they are great at sports that require skill like gymnastics or diving.I seriously didn't make these examples up! In fact, in the last Olympics a Chinese hurdler won a gold medal-much to the shock of the Chinese press who cautioned the home-country fans not to get too excited because the Chinese-by some genetic fluke-just can't run as fast as other people. Imagine the surprise when that man crossed the finish line first! Take a look at this one...and remember kids need to be taught stereotypes!From "Overheard in NY"Teacher: And Montana--Asian girl, interrupting: --Wait, isn't Montana somewhere near Germany along with Maine?--Bronx ScienceOverheard by: LSBHave a great weekend.With Respect, Deb
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Thursday is book day!
2007-08-23 13:29:00
What little girl or boy can't relate to dressing up in their parent's clothes? Mama's Sari hones in on this universal experience as a mom and her seven year-old daughter select a sari for her to wear. Of course, the sari is gorgeous and the young girl begs her mother to wear it immediately. Of course, the mom relents and together they explore the traditions associated with saris.There is a Hindi glossary that can help with the terms. Mama's Sari is another great example of how books can provide positive role models for kids of color and provide an introduction to a piece of Indian culture for everyone.Do you have any favorite books, movies etc. that you want to recommend? Please don't hesitate to let me know.With Respect:Deb
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The Little Mermaid Rocks!
2007-08-22 17:35:00
I confess, most of the time when I am 'watching' TV with my daughter, my mind is thousands of miles away. But sometimes something will penetrate the wall that I have put up and I find myself drawn to whatever is on the screen.Today was one of those days.We were watching the TV cartoon version of The Litt le Mermaid. It seems that a baby whale got separated from his parents and the Little Mermaid took him in and loved him. Whenever any kind of baby gets separated from his parents, my daughter has a visible and visceral reaction. She wanted that whale to find a family and was thrilled when the Little Mermaid took him in. Of course, the Little Mermaid was criticized by some friends for caring for and loving the whale-after all he was a whale and could make crab cakes out of dear Sebastian. Besides, he wasn't "one of the them". But the Little Mermaid persevered and handle things quite well-for a mermaid. While she sang and sang about how love was all that matters I couldn't help but ...
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Is Diversity Dead? Just ask the "Little Dutch Boy"
2007-08-21 17:37:00
Did you read the article in a recent Wall Street Journal that announced that, based on a study conducted by Harvard professor, Dr. Robert Putnam, diversity is dead. But is that really what Dr. Putnam said? Not really. What he did say was that diversity was "inevitable and desirable". Dive rsity has proven to be a boon to the economy. That fact is born out by a study conducted by DiversityInc., which reports that over 300 of the Fortune 500 know that diversity is good for business and see diversity as a competitive advantage.Studies have also revealed that diversity "fosters creativity and better and faster problem-solving." I guess it is the 'two heads are better than one' theory on steroids!At the end of the day, trying to stem the tide of diversity is like being the little boy Dutch boy with his finger in the dike. He couldn't hold back the tides and neither can we. And, really why would we try?For parents there are two messages: first is a reminder that the media's point...
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The Shoe is on the Other Foot.
2007-08-20 13:59:00
I am a voracious reader. I read a variety of books, magazines and newspapers-from treasures to trash. I tend to remember bits and pieces of things that I read and then pull them out of my brain when I need them.This happened yesterday as we wandered through the Zoo. My daughter and I were accompanied by our Shanghai-born friend, Ming and her two daughters, Lulu and Isabella. As I walked around-the sole Caucasian in our little group-people we interacted with thought Ming was the girls' mother and I was...well, I am not sure that I what was. And, I felt self-concious. And no, I am not happy that I had that kind of reaction, but it was there, none the less.I was reminded of Steven Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Unfortunately, I can only remember one of the seven habits-but that is another story! One of the seven habits that Covey considers essential is the ability to see the world through someone else's point of view in order to work, communicate and otherwi...
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You just can't argue with this logic!
2007-08-17 15:41:00
Enjoy the weekend.I hope this gets you off to a good start!With Respect, DebFROM Overheard in New YorkVery Similar To The Sound of Hands ClappingFather to Little Boy: You really don't have to talk all the timeLittle Boy: But I don't.Father: Oh, really?Little Boy: Yeah, I don't talk in my sleep.Father: How do you know that?Little Boy: When I am sleeping I can actually hear myself not talking!
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Neither rain, nor wind or dark of night.......
2007-08-16 15:11:00
USPS employees might not be afraid of the weather, but your kids may be. How can you reassure them that they are safe when all around us we are surrounded by a sometimes dangerous Mother Earth.Yesterday's 7.9 earthquake in Peru raised a tsunami alert for most of the western coast of South America, while on the other side of the world, a hurricane was bearing down on the Hawaiian Islands. Wild fires are scorching the Western states. Fast on the heels of a tornado in Brooklyn another hurricane seems headed towards the Gulf Coast. And this is just the beginning of hurricane season.This is scary stuff-even for adults. But just imagine what your kids are feeling. They may fear for your safety and theirs as well as other family members, pets and friends. You can't really tell them not to be afraid. But you can tell them the truth-you will do everything in your power to keep them safe. Unfortunately, the increase in awareness-and fear-of sometimes devastating natural events is som...
More About: Wind , Rain , Night , Dark