Raising Great Kids in a Diverse World

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The Times-They are a changin'
2007-08-15 16:37:00
In case you have been under a rock for the past five years or so, our country is undergoing a massive sea change in our demographic composition. We saw the inklings in the 2000 US Census, but the mid-term Census report is even more dramatic.These few statistics should be enough to get you thinking about what you are doing with your kids to ensure that they are able to 'play nice in the sandbox' with their peers?Take a look:1. Within just a few years, the New York metropolitan region ? which includes the nearby counties in New York, Connecticut and New Jersey ? is projected to become the first large metropolitan Non-Hispanic whites are a minority2. Asians were the only major ethnic or racial group to record population growth in every county in the New York Metro area.And New York is not alone: 1. Four states - California, Texas, Hawaii, and New Mexico - are already 'majority-minority' states. 2.Nearly one in every 10 of the nation's 3,141 counties has a population in which...
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Hello, Doll-y!
2007-08-14 14:23:00
If I ever doubted the importance of ethnic and racial role models for children of color the events in my household yesterday was enough to change my mind forever!I ordered my daughter-remember the girl born in China-a Karito Kids doll named Wan Ling. First of all the doll is simply beautiful and quite authentically Chinese. Secondly, the company donates a portion from the sale of each doll to a charity that kids choose and can follow. But enough about me! The real story is my daughter's reaction.My girl has never been much for dolls. When pushed she did get an American Girl Doll (Kaya, the American Eskimo) and she will pull her out occassionally, but she was way more interested in the horse that Kaya came with, so I was not anticipating that she would flip over Ling.And flip she did. When she opened the package, she gasped and said, "she looks just like me." She turned the doll over, looked at her again and began kissing her making her comfortable in her new 'home'. She ...

Does Progress Come at the Expense of Tradition?
2007-08-13 17:52:00
The 2008 Olympic Games are less than a year away-and the Chinese are getting ready to show the world what they are made of.Of course, simply holding the Games in Beijing means it open-season on China-bashing. Whether human rights, unyielding poverty in the rural areas or China's contribution to global warming-everyone has an opinion. Even ESPN is getting into the act with an article titled The Bamboo Curtain(http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/et icket/story?page=bamboocurtain. The story chronicles the authors drive from Beijing to Chengdu (the same approximate distance from New York to Dallas). Not surprisingly, he comes away realizing that for all of the benefits the coming Olympics is bringing to the cities the rural areas are literally watching the world go by. The revenue and opportunities that await Chinese cities are non-existent in the countryside. But whatever the benefit to China, there are also trade-offs. As Chinese cities are bulldozed to make way for Olympic venue an...
More About: Tradition , Progress

Bitch, Bridge-what's the difference to a four year old?
2007-08-10 16:20:00
I just couldn't resist....given my post earlier in the week...Enjoy! As In: Bitch , Please, I Know What It Is! Toddler, pointing out window: Bitch!Grandmother: Bridge . It's a bridge.Toddler: Bitch!--F trainOverheard by: Russ Wallvia Overheard in New York, Aug 4, 2007 And that's it!
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Who knew what a 'do' could do?
2007-08-09 20:46:00
My daughter and I love this book-I Love My Hair by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley. The ability to say "I love my hair" may be just about the most powerful statement of self-acceptance there is. Of course, most of us don't like our hair. It is too curly, too straight, too coarse, too gray, too short, too long-the list of complaints is seemingly endless. Women-mostly-try and fix their hair. We straighten it (my sister used to iron her curly hair when we were kids), we curl it, we color it, we cut it, we grow bangs then grow them out, we try new 'dos and after a few weeks or months we are back to where we started from.Hair isn't called our crowning glory for nothing. It is the one thing that we can change easily and often. And hair matters in all cultures. It is an expression of individuality, of style, of desire and beauty.But who sets the standards of beauty? The traditional standards of beauty are pegged against Western European (Caucasian) people. This means that the vast majority of...
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Correct email for Karito Kids:
2007-08-08 20:40:00
I want to thank Michelle for pointing out that I had cited the incorrect site for the makers of those wonderful dolls that I highlighted yesterday.The correct web address is www.karitokids.com Have fun shopping.With respect and apologies, Deb
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Who's the bitch?
2007-08-08 20:10:00
It seems that an elected official in Brooklyn is trying to drum the word 'bitch'-referring to a cranky or otherwise unpleasant woman-out of our lexicon. She claims-and I agree-that this term is incredibly demeaning and should be used to refer to female dogs of the canine persuasion.Naturally, this has caused quite a flap-from other elected officials in Brooklyn, to comics and celebrities and of course men. The men seem to be the most outraged. In a nutshell, they thing this woman is overreacting. They insist that the word bitch, in the right context is harmless (people said that about the 'n' word, too)Interesting, no? Considering, that men aren't-bitches; being bitchy and they don't get 'bitch slapped'. How would they know that being called a bitch isn't an affront to someone who is?That is what chaps my a--.We are so quick to complain that political correctness run amok and that the 'slight' changes in language are not important enough to lose sleep over. But, have you ...
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Diversity is FUN!
2007-08-07 15:42:00
Many of us roll our eyes and sign when we hear the word 'diversity'. We may question whether or not we can individually make a difference, or we may be sick and tired of folks making diversity a political correctness issue.But sometimes things just click and there are ways to introduce your kids (girls in this case, I suppose)to different cultures in a way that is FUN and giving at the same time.Take a look at www.karito.com and their line of multi-cultural dolls. They are great! First of all the dolls are authentically beautiful-not a stereotype in sight. Secondly, the dolls each have a modern and hip story which kids will be able to relate to. Most importantly, once the dolls are registered online, kids can learn more about the different cultures that the dolls represent AND your child can vote on the charitable projects in each region that the Karito is involved in. You and your children will learn more about social responsibilty, world culture and charitable giving....all ...
More About: Diversity , Diver , Dive

'Teachable Moments' about race and size in "Hairspray"
2007-08-06 16:56:00
Teachers, social workers, psychologists and other folks with similar experience often encourage us to take advantage of 'teachable' moments when they happen. A 'teachable' moment is, in my humble opinion, the opportunity to play show and tell with them. We can 'show' them via an example that is happening in the present, and then tell them why we feel that it is not appropriate. Frankly and unfortunately, teachable moments about 'isms' are all to available in our world.The movie Hairspray was just such a moment for us. Once we got over seeing John Travolta as the overweight middle-aged mother-complete with the Baltimorian twang-we settled in to be entertained.The movie is set in the 60's-right at the beginning of the Civil Rights movement. Intergration has not been incorporated into the American psyche. The lead character is Tracey, an overweight teenage dance sensation. She tries out for the local TV dance program-and is throw out immediately for her weight. The other...
More About: Race , Moments , Size , Spray

What? You only had three TV channels?
2007-08-03 16:18:00
My daughter-who is 7-has been begging me for a cell phone. Apparently, all of her friends have cell phones. I would like to know who they are calling during the day when they are at school and/or camp-but that is a different story.I have repeatedly told my daughter that I will not consider a cell phone for her until she is older/and or is going places on her own-for safety. Of course, this doesn't stop the crying about why she is the only one without a cell phone-she is also the only one without an in-ground pool and a pony, too, so the cell phone crisis is more acute because it seems so available.But, that is not the story. As she was begging, she asked me when my mother had gotten me my first cell phone. I then clued her in to life in the Dark Ages, before cell phones, computers, 1000 TV channels, video games and other 'must haves' for today's kids.She was shocked. She wanted to know how we spent out time-and what we did to keep boredom at bay.But she was really concerne...
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What's Adoption Got To Do With It.
2007-08-01 13:39:00
Another adoption scandal in making news this week. A woman in Florida is accused of terribly mistreating 11 kids and disabled adults that she had adopted over the last decade-all while bilking the system for $3 million dollars. To make matters worse,as she was cruelly humiliating the children of adoption, she was she was showering her one biological child with love, attention and material goodies-alleged to be funded in part by the money that was supposed to be used to raise the children she adopted.But is the real story about adoption? Or, did she happen upon a way to circumvent the system to the tune of $3 million? Was she just after the money? Or did she want to abuse kids? Perhaps adoption was the facilitator to her money-making scheme. After all, robbing a bank or embezzling from an employer might be more work.We may never know the real answers to these questions, but we do know that yet another negative adoption story-that may not even be about adoption-reinforces many of the ...
More About: Adoption , Opti , Adopt , To Do

Tinkerbell is Black!
2007-07-31 16:57:00
That's right, Tinkerbell is black!We were watching the Disney Channel last night and at the commercial break, the Disney logo came up and to my great surprise, Tinkerbell-with black skin-fluttered by.I was so shocked that I asked my daughter what color Tink's skin was. She looked at me like I had gone crazy and replied, "black."In general, I don't love Disney's story lines-parents being killed, kids being abandoned, the lack of authentic ethnic role models (except maybe for Mulan-but my jury is still out on her, too) and other 'exciting' story lines. So, for me to be singing Disney's praises is a bit unusual. But, do you think they are 'getting' it. Do you think that Disney execs and creative people have finally realized that the world is more multi-dimensional, culture and racial than ever?Some people will bash them for 'pandering' to ethnic groups in order to increase their bottom line and stock price. So what. They should be able to reap the rewards of recognizin...
More About: Black , Lack

Are we 'anti-boy'?
2007-07-30 22:42:00
An article in http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article /0,9171,1647452-4,00.html Time questions whether or not we have become 'anti-boy'?Are our boys achieving less than girls? Are they more discouraged by global economics that they have retreated into their rooms, spending hour after hour getting fat and playing video games?We aren't surprised to read that girls out-perform boys in school,more boys drop out of school than girls and their reading levels are sub-standard. More girls than boys take the SATs, go to college or express passion for learning.Christina Hoff Sommers, a fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, puts all of the pieces together and comes up with the notion that both the schools and popular culture are "failing boys, leaving them restless bundles of anxiety--misfits in the classroom and video-game junkies at home." She goes further, saying "boyhood is toxic: as a pathology." Clearly, being functionally illiterate is a huge obstacle for later success-how...
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If your kids aren't in camp-look what they are missing!
2007-07-27 18:47:00
Every Four-Year-Old Knows a Teenager Like This Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can't drive.Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren't you in college?!14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.Four-year-old camper: Ohhh...--Californiavia Overheard at the Beach, Jul 7, 2007
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Choose books for your kids with care-the messages stay with them forever.
2007-07-26 16:36:00
If you are not convinced that the books you select for your kids-either for them to read or for you to read to them-are an important element in shaping their values and world view, then you must not remember Cinderella's story-you know the one-the one where she gets her prince and everything ends up happily ever after. Or you might not recall how many boys wanted to be just like Superman, Batman, Spiderman or any other hero. These characters were powerful role models for us and remain powerful role models for our kids.The books you choose for your kids can reinforce or erase the values that you are trying to instill in them. If you want your daughter to aspire to be a princess with a prince to take care of her, then you are great with Cinderella stories. If you want her to get a more realistic picture of the world, you should consider adding other books to your library.All mediums have power. For some reason if we see it in a book, in a newspaper or on TV we assume that it must be ...
More About: Kids , Books , Care , Messages , Forever

Is limiting the number of people living under one roof disguised racism? O
2007-07-25 15:33:00
There is another storm brewing in Cobb County, Georgia today. Local officials are trying to cap the number of people living under the same roof. They are also concerned about the number of cars parked at an individual residence.Some residents applaud the moving saying that their property values are negatively impact by the number of people and cars at the same location. Opponents of the measures say that this is an attempt to discriminate against people of Hispanic and other ethnic backgrounds.This controversy does smell of racial discrimination-hidden behind the guise of property values. When are we going to wake up and smell the coffee? This kind of hidden discrimination does not help our children to respect and celebrate all people.Are the people in question breaking any laws by living in crowded conditions? Do we want to live in the fantasy that they want to live in a house that can't accommodate them comfortably? Let's get real. Everyone does what he or she has to do to take ...
More About: Living , People , Racism , Roof , Ving

Chinese girl returned to her birthparents. Did they do the right thing?
2007-07-23 16:31:00
Parents in Tennessee were ordered to reliquish custody of their Chinese -born daughter to her birth parents.Just reading those words can send shivers down the spines of even the most secure adoptive parent. But when you know the rest of the story-that the child had been in foster care in US because her birthparents lost their income and medical insurance and did not understand that they were potentially giving up their custodial rights. They just thought they could leave her in foster care until they got back on their feet.Seven year later, the young girl-who has lived with the Tennessee couple-will be returned to her birthparents by the end of July. The judge ruled that the birthparents did not understand the consequences of their actions and in fact, had been fighting for her since they put her into foster care.Some people are outraged-how can rip away all that the girl has come to know? How can the seperate her from the 'parents' who raised her for the last seven years? Man...
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Leveling the racial/ethnic playing field!
2007-07-18 19:24:00
We are well into day three of Asian Culture camp. It is about 80 degrees with 100 percent humidity. The weather was horrendous-a five mile drive took 2 1/2 hours.It wasn't pretty.But all of the camper and their parents straggled in-all telling their own version of traffic hell. Little did they know-or care-that almost every one else had the exact same story. Don't get me wrong, it took me three hours to get here....but I didn't feel the need to tell my story-it took everyone a long time, everyone was wet and everyone was sweaty. There was some comfort (although misery does love company, I suppose) in knowing we were all in the boat together.Since we had plenty of time in the car to chat, I asked my daughter what she liked best at camp. She said, my friends, cooking and culture (she likes culture because the teacher always gives them candy). She didn't mention that she felt comfortable in a group of Asian girls and boys, so I asked her if it felt good to have so many kids a...
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Spot the Caucasian!
2007-07-17 20:12:00
This week my daughter attends 'culture camp'. Culture camp is a week long cultural immersion program for kids who joined their families through adoption from Asia. She has 'camp' friends-girls and boys she sees once a year-and they pick up from where they left off the year before. Believe me, this is not a very glamorous camp. It takes place the third week of July-which is inevitably the hottest week of the year. The camp takes place in a church which is not air-conditioned and is a bit smelly. The kids go through seven or eight 'periods' each day. They cook, take language and dance classes, Tae Kwon Do, Arts and Crafts and music.It is one of the few places that my daughter blends into the crowd. Frankly, I think the environment where all the kids have dark hair, almond-shaped eyes and joined their families throught adoption that is the appeal-and what keeps the kids coming year after year.I have thought about how she must feel being one of the 'onlies'-only child, ...
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Too bad he's a white boy!
2007-07-16 19:07:00
My friend's daughter got married yesterday. Becky joined the family when her parents adopted her from Korea when she was a baby.She and her husband made a beautiful couple and were shining with their love and the support of family and friends. It was a great day.When Becky went to the salon she had been going to all of her life to get a pre-wedding manicure, the manicurists (all Korean) patted her on the head and sighed-"too bad he's a white boy."While we all chuckled when her mother related that story, it made me stop and think. I am pretty connected to my own biases-they are pretty typical of women my age, reace and background I think. I guess I knew that all people carried biases along with them-I just never really thought that Caucasians as the object of racism. It had just never occured to me (ok, so I am a little slow on the uptake).And that is a bias in and of itself. Where it nets out for me is that I need to open my eyes and look at things from other perspectives.In ...
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Not so funny Friday.
2007-07-13 18:24:00
I know, I usually make this fun Frida y , but I saw this on www.overheadatthebeach.com and it stopped me cold. If Overheard at the beach really comprises things that people actually overhear and submit then this is racism at its worst-and reflects the ignorance of the speaker.If it is a "joke" that is even worse. "Jokes" can and do reinforce and spread racism and bias. When we think we are 'funny' at someone else's expense-what does that say about us?Ask yourself if this is funny or racist-it can't be both can it?I Was Told This Was a Gated Community Mom: I don't think we can stay at this hotel the whole time.Daughter: Why? What's wrong? It's not that bad...Mom: No, there's just so many Mexicans at the pool.Daughter: We're in Mexico, mother!--Puerto Vallarta, MexicoWith Respect:Deb
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Ethnic and Racial Role Models Rock!
2007-07-12 18:26:00
I have never really considered myself a lucky person. In fact, one of my mentors was perennially frustrated because he thought that I alway saw the glass as half full.But, today I think my glass is at lesat 3/4 of the way to full!One of the issues for people raising children of a different race is providing authentic role models. After all, if you are white and your child is Chinese, you can teach him about China, but you can't teach him how to be Chinese. You may have an intellectual understanding of what a child of color might experience, but you would never really know what implications the child's race or ethnicity has-simply because your experience in the world has not prepared you.Today, my daughter is splashing in a pool with LuLu. LuLu has been in the US (from Shanghai)for four of her 13 years. LuLu's mom is my daughter's Chinese language and culture teacher. When Min offered to send her daughter to be a mother's helper a few days a week, I was estatic-and not jus...
More About: Models , Rock , Ethnic , Role , Role Model

Diversity through dumplings!
2007-07-11 14:12:00
Since everyone, everywhere has to eat a great way to get kid jazzed about cultures other than there own is to cook food from different cultures with them! Before you go screaming into the hills-it is not necessary to be a gourmet chef to cook with your kids. It does take a little planning, though. When you cook anything with kids, you have to follow some basic rules:1. Your kitchen and everything in it will be dirty2. The recipes have to be kid-friendly-they will get bored and cranky if there are too many steps or the recipe is complicated.3. The kids have to be 'hands-on' with the entire process.4. You will probably end up cleaning the kitchen yourself while the kids slink off to watch TV.5. To really be fun for kids-and less frustrating for you-have everything you will need close at hand.Last night we made jiaoze (Chinese dumplings). It was a messy and fun experience-and the dumplings were delicious. It gave us the opportunity to talk about dumplings from all over the w...
More About: Diversity , Diver , Dive

Can you play "Spot the Asian"?
2007-07-10 20:24:00
Dr. Crumbley's interview on Adoption, the Movie make me think about the lack of role models for children of color and how Caucasians may not be aware of the insidious inferiority complex that comes from when they compare themselves to what is the standard of beauty in the United States.It is true that some children's programs do have multi-cultural and multi-racial casts we still have a long way to go to bring those casts and characters to the level they need to be in order to level the playing field by eliminating biases and stereotyping.However, as Frances Kai-Hwa Wang wrote on , young APAs still yearn for heroes and positive role models; we are still playing "Spot the Asian " in the media.We are not only playing "Spot the Asian", we are playing "Spot the person of color".In fact, a TV commercial for Chuck E. Cheese-that self proclaimedbastion of multi-culturalism seems to have forgotten to add black children (there was a token Asian and a smattering of Hispanic kids)to the spot!...
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Friday Fun!
2007-07-06 14:58:00
We just finished watch "Quest for Dragons" on the History Channel, so when I came across little story it really made me laugh. I hope you enjoy it as well.Like Dragons? Girl #1: Rhinos have two horns.Girl #2: I thought they had one, like a unicorn.Girl #3: Aren't unicorns extinct?--Kenai, Alaskavia Overheard at the Beach, May 26, 2007
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By George, I think she's got it!
2007-07-05 16:12:00
I hope everyone had a safe and happy July 4th. Despite intermittent rain, we spent the day at a pool party. There were about a dozen kids having a great time splashing around and moving from the hot tub to the pool. Pedistrian kid stuff for July 4th.At one point, the kids were all in the hot tub-eleven blonde-haired, blue-eyed kids and one Asian girl-my daughter. They started to compare their summer tans. Needless to say the blondes were on the pale side of tan. My daughter, on the other hand, gets quite dark. That is when something amazing happened! As the kids started to even hint that darker skin was not desirable, my daughter piped up and said "just think if all the flowers were the same color-that would be so boring. Its the same with people. Our differences make the world interesting." Then she proceeded to organize the kids on a 'color hunt' in the flower garden. They were able to pick out dozens of colors-including several shades of blue from one hydranga bush. ...
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Carnival Meltdown!
2007-07-03 16:57:00
Whenever something irritates my friend, Johnny, he says "that really chaps my a--! And that describes how I felt last night at a local carnival. I witness something that made more than my buttocks chap! I think my whole body was vibrating in anger!Here's the scene:The carnival was crowded and kids were being asked to double and triple up on the "Sizzler" which had quite a line. No problem, right? That is a reasonable request. Some my crew got into the seat (which easily accommodated three kids). Of course, not everyone could follow the rules? One mom had two girls on the ride-each in their own car! The attendant didn't notice as he was busy getting everyone strapped in (the girls had already been on the ride). When the ride ended everyone got off the ride-some kids wanted to ride again and so queued up again. Not the girls, though. Their mother was screaming from the sidelines-"stay on, stay on". When the girls made a move to ride together the screaming (and I mean screaming) cont...
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Tough stuff-which is more important for kids-stability or building a racial
2007-07-02 17:35:00
Each year thousands of parents in 'non-traditional' families grapple with the question of the importance of stability (staying in one place for a long time) for their kids and building their racial identity. And yes, it a lot of cases it is an 'either or' questions.A look at Census data quickly will tell us the trans-racial families, i.e. multiple races represented-a Caucasian couple adopting a black baby and inter-racial racial families-two people of different races producing children- are two of the fastest growing segments of the US population. So unless these families live in a truly multi-cultural area, someone in the family probably sticks out like a sore thumb. Which, of course, is the heart of the racial identity/stability controversy for many families.Jaiya Johns, the author of "Black Baby, White Hands" tells the story of his childhood growing up in Los Alamos New Mexico-where he never saw another black person and only saw other people of color when he discovered nea...
More About: Building , Kids , Stuff , Build , Tough

What do you get when you cross a horse with a zebra?
2007-06-29 17:28:00
Why-a zorse, of course!In what must be the ultimate "inter-racial" relationship, a safari park in Germany bred a horse and a zebra and getting-you guessed it-a zorse!A male zebra and a female horse "accidentally" produced a baby zorse or zebroid.The little cutie, a female, is unusual-not because she is the product of her parents but because instead of morphing the traits of both parents which results in muted striped all over, this gal has only two patches of strips!Officials at the park are concerned that the little zorse be lonely without anyone who looks like her and so they are searching for a boyfriend for her. They fear that she will be ostracized and then become depressed because she is different.It appears that being different when you are young-whatever the circumstances-is not desirable. Remember that they next time you see or hear something that might make another kid feel different or somehow not worth as much as someone else.If it could happen to a zorse it could happ...
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Daniel and the case of the 'dirty' money!
2007-06-28 19:36:00
Remember I told you about my new caregiver-Dani el (the manny)? Daniel is a pleasant All-American kid, finishing up college and aspires to teach math to middle schoolers.Kind of your 'average Joe', so I was surprised when he told me the story of what happened to him at a local gas station.He needed gas, but didn't have much money on him, so he was scrounging around his car looking for loose change. When he tried to hand the attendant his money-which he admits was a little sticky-the attendant shouted at him that he was not going to take his 'dirty money'. Of course, 'dirty money' doesn't always mean that the money isn't physically clean-but is generally assumed to mean it is tainted somehow-at least in our country.Oh, by the way, keep in mind that the attendant was of Middle Eastern descent and may have, in fact, been disturbed that the money was not clean (as in spic 'n span clean-not legimate clean). Daniel responded to the attendant with a snide and inappropriate commen...
More About: Money , Dirty , Case