Straight Guise

RSS Feed Homepage

Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4

What is Homosexual Imprinting?
2007-09-06 15:52:00
From the intial posting of what Straight Guise is all about, I talked about how Homosexual Imprinting which is when a male has been sexually abused by another male and acts out homosexually.The fundamental principle here is that he is reenacting his sexual abuse, not expressing a homosexual identity.In other words the behavior is homosexual in that it is male on male. However, the sexually abused male is heterosexual. Reparative therapies would lead you to believe that there is "not such thing as homosexuality" and that all homosexual expression is an "acting out".This is false.There are men who behave homosexually and are truly gay--romantically, affectinally, spiritually, sexually and psychologically.Homosexually imprinted men are straight men whose homosexual expression is about behavioral acting out from original trauma.SEX & LOVE MAPPINGBy mapping I mean that one’s love and sexual preference map are determined early on in childhood. It is how we learn how to love. We observe ...

What becomes of the Homophobic?
2007-09-05 18:08:00
There is an excellent blog entry on Sexual Intelligence called, "Having Sex with men does NOT Make Larry Craig Gay" by author and sexpert Dr. Marty Klein. He writes about the Larry Craig scandal and says the following:If Craig could simply say, “I’m straight, I just like to have an occasional sexual adventure with a man,” he might not have to spend his life desperately trying to convince himself that he’s not gay. He might not have to spend his professional career viciously trashing homosexuality and preventing gays from accessing their full civil rights.He might have a marital crisis on his hands, but that’s his private business. As almost everyone agrees, lying to your spouse about having sex with someone else is immoral, regardless of their gender. Craig’s fears about his “immorality”—and his rantings about others’—were focused on the wrong thing.I completely agree with Klein.It isn't just men who are deeply closeted who bash gays and lesbians, it is those ...

Larry King Live on Larry Craig and Sexual Addiction
2007-09-03 22:13:00
Larry King 's live broadcast Saturday September 1, 2007 featured my colleague Robert Weiss from the Sexual Recovery Institute. Rob authored the book which was stated on the Larry King show, "Cruise Control: Gay Men and Sexual Addiction ".Click here to read the full transcript of the showThe highlights of the show where Rob talks about sexual addiction are:KING: Why would a United States senator with the problem risk it all in a public men's room?WEISS: Shame and repression. Here's a guy who may have parts of himself that he doesn't want anyone to know about and he's going to go off on a secret place to act them out and hope that no one's going to find out he may have some compulsive or addictive sexual behaviors. Clearly, there's a part of him he doesn't like and doesn't want anyone else to know about.KING: What do your patients tell you about the rush they get? What do they get out of this?WEISS: The rush is about the possibility of getting caught, the excitement, a look in ...
More About: Larry , Live

Men's Room Sex
2007-09-02 18:07:00
Today the NYT Editorial has a great piece on police raids of men's rooms called, America’s Toe-Tapping Menace By Laura M. MacDonald published on September 2, 2007. In it she writes:For almost 40 years most police departments have been aware of something that still escapes the general public: men who troll for sex in public places, gay or “not gay,” are, for the most part, upstanding citizens. Arresting them costs a lot and accomplishes little.(Above is the arresting police officer, Police Sgt. Dave Karsnia) In 1970, Laud Humphreys published the groundbreaking dissertation he wrote as a doctoral candidate at Washington University called “Tearoom Trade: Impersonal Sex in Public Places.” Because of his unorthodox methods — he did not get his subjects’ consent, he tracked down names and addresses through license plate numbers, he interviewed the men in their homes in disguise and under false pretenses — “Tearoom Trade” is now taught as a primary example of unethica...
More About: Room

Bag-A-Fag: Bathroom Stings
2007-09-02 17:38:00
In the Detroit, Michigan area, bathroom stings are quite common in certain rest areas and restrooms. I know this because I receive referrals from an organization here in Detroit called the Triangle Foundation. The Triangle Foundation ensures these men are treated fairly by the law and the police.The referrals are usually deeply closeted homosexual men who do not self-identify as gay. They are in the early stages of coming out deeply repressed. They are usually married, with children and hold highly prestigious jobs. Others are not gay nor do they desire sex with men. The main reason is for sexual release and lack of judgment during the sexual act. They are not fantasizing or longing for a man the way they would women.The main reasons are that they are re-enacting early childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse or are interested in certain sexual acts which they are afraid to tell anyone--especially their wives. Others are bisexual and closeted about their homosexual side. Other reasons...
More About: Bathroom

Larry Craig's Wife: From the Down Low to In The Know
2007-09-02 04:11:00
Larry Craig and other men have sex with men without telling their wives are living on the Down Low (DL). These Straight Guise are not inclined to tell their female partners about their sexual behavior, of course, because they are concerned they will lose the one person they love most. Women often say that men keeping their sexual desires and behaviors a secret is an example that they’re not in love anymore. But the opposite is often true—because a man cares so strongly for his wife, he wants to protect her feelings. This is not very comforting for the spouse who feels (and has been) betrayed. For a woman, her self-worth, sexual and mental health all suffer.Discretion versus DisclosureWhat should the female partner do upon learning this information? It is easy to label the Straight Guise as gay and/or bisexual and for him to do so himself, but the truth might be that he is neither. Understanding this can help save marriages and increase understanding, compassion and em...
More About: Wife , Larry , The D

The Larry Craig Phenomenon: Homosexual but not gay!
2007-09-01 15:49:00
An article today by Rick Leggio in the Dallas Voice Gay? No. Homosexual? MaybeHe is homosexual, by his own guilty plea after being arrested for public loo trolling on June 11, 2007 (Craig ’s Waterloo, this scandal’s basis). But being gay requires, at the barest minimum, self-identification and acceptance of a same-sex orientation.This is what Straight Guise is all about.Homosexual is a sexual orientation. Gay is an affirmative identity.Plenty of men--and women for that matter--understand that their sexual orientation is homosexual. However, how they self-identify can be very different.The reason this is so controversial is twofold. Gay men--such as myself--would never dream of not fulfilling their core authentic selves and they shouldn't.However, in my practice I see many men and women who understand that they are homosexual and do not want to live as a gay man or lesbian. Who am I or anyone else to tell them they "should" live that way.For many their religious beliefs, ethnicit...
More About: Larry , Larry Craig , Phenom , Enon

Why is it okay for straight women to have a gay fling but not men?
2007-08-30 18:58:00
Writer Amy Sohn from New York Magazine writes in her article:Straight , With an AsterickIt’s acceptable—even a little chic—for straight women to have a gay fling or two. But it’s a whole other story when otherwise straight men do it. Same-sex experimentation among straight women is trendier than ponchos these days. The L Word is a mainstream hit, and if you go to any nightclub around three in the morning, you’ll see two pink-cheeked girls in a banquette, sucking face, often as their boyfriends watch. Gay experimentation for straight men is becoming more popular, too, even if you don’t see it in a dark corner at Vento.I remember as a teenager sneaking into a adult film movie theatre in 1979 with my best friend. I recall scenes showing two women kissing and having sex naively thinking that next there would be a scene with two men kissing and having sex. I was a gay teenager so it was my hope that this would be shown. I remember being disappointed and confused as to why the...
More About: Women , TRAI

Sex Addicts and straight men who have sex with men
2007-08-30 15:42:00
As a sexual addiction expert over the past 22 years I have seen hundreds of men who have sex with men who are not gay. Sexual addiction causes its sufferers to go against their own will and do things that go against their own values.The Larry Craig situation is bringing this into light through an article in the Washingtonpost.com article:Tapping Into The Secrets Of the StallExperts Say Anonymous Sex In Public Places Is A Compulsive BehaviorBy Lynne Duke and DeNeen L. Brown Washington Post Staff WritersThursday, August 30, 2007Here are excerpts from this article that Straight Guise addresses:Therapists also hear plenty about this world in the torment of their patients -- both married and gay men and those who eschew the word "gay" and describe themselves as "men who have sex with other men."Whatever they call themselves, they are often driven by a craving, much like that which drives a drug addict, said Fred Berlin of the National Institute for the Study, Prevention and Treatment of ...
More About: TRAI , Addict

“I am not gay. I have never been gay.”
2007-08-30 03:16:00
Excellent article at Queerty.com Of the the forty men Tolleso has arrested, he says, the majority are family men. We posted the video and transcript earlier, but here’s the money quote: …A good majority of these men do have families. And that’s been a little bit shocking to us. You would think that it would be more of a gay issue. But overwhelmingly more and more we’re seeing that these are people with families. Some of those arrested may qualify as closeted queers, but it’s certainly likely not all of them are motivated solely by shame. They may have sex with men, but it doesn’t make these men “gay”.
More About: Been

This is a "guy" issue, not a "gay" issue.
2007-08-29 21:52:00
Here we go again! Articles like the one today on ABC News called, Secret Signals: How Gay Men Cruise for Sex, are popping up everywhere calling men who have sex with men in bathrooms a "gay" issue.The article addresses a phenomenon of men hooking up for sex in bathrooms that has been going on since the 1960's.Public places like men's restrooms, in airports and train stations, truck stops, university libraries and parks, have long been places where gay and bisexual men, particularly those in the closet, congregate in order to meet for anonymous sex.Over time, people familiar with cruising told ABCNEWS.com, gay men began using a codified system of signals to indicate to others that they were interested in sex. In an effort to curb lewd acts in public — or as some gays argue, in an effort to persecute gay men — undercover police began sting operations in places known for sex soliciting and employed the same codes."Tapping of the foot is pretty standard for men who cruise in toile...
More About: Issue

Larry Craig: Is he gay, bisexual or a straight man who has sex with men (SM
2007-08-29 04:57:00
If you have not heard by now Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho) was arrested in June at a Minnesota airport by a plainclothes police officer investigating lewd conduct complaints in a men’s public restroom. An associated press writer Todd Dvorak writer writes this:Craig, 62, has faced rumors about his sexuality since the 1980s, but allegations that he had engaged in gay sex have never been substantiated. He has denied the assertions. Why does the act of men having sex with men have to be labeled immediately as gay sex?Gay is an identity not a behavior. To be a gay man describes a sexual orientation characterized by lasting aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual attraction exclusively for others of the same sex or gender. To be gay man means that his thoughts, fantasies and behavior are in aligned. It is an identity based on affectional, emotional, spiritual, psychological and sexual feelings exclusively or mostly to men. Men who have sex with men in public places are not all ga...
More About: Bisexual , Straight , Larry Craig

The GOP's Bathroom Problem and Larry Craig
2007-08-28 17:17:00
There is a great article today in The Nation about the possibility that some of the men caught in public bathroom sex are not gay or bisexual. It supports my straight guise theory.The Nation Mon Aug 27, 8:13 PM ET by Richard KimThe Nation -- What's up with Republican politicos getting arrested by undercover cops for soliciting sex in public restrooms? First, Florida state representative Bob Allen, formerly John McCain's state campaign co-chair, was arrested in July after he offered a police officer $20 for the privilege of performing oral sex. And today, news broke that back in June, Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho), long the subject of gay rumors, was arrested in a Minnesota airport by a plainclothes cop investigating lewd conduct in the men's bathroom. Both men are married--to women. (See Max Blumenthal at Campaign Matters for more details.)The author goes on to say this which I think is very important:But I wonder if the GOP's burgeoning "bathroom problem" isn't reflective of s...
More About: Bathroom , Problem , Larry Craig

MSM as a construct
2007-08-28 13:48:00
Interesting research found at EQUAL GROUND is the only organisation in Sri Lanka working towards mainstreaming Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans (LGBT) issues:As a risk category, MSM are not limited to small self-identified and visible sub-populations, such as gay men and male sex workers. ‘MSM’ and ‘homosexual’ refer to different social identities. ‘MSM’ refers to the sexual relationships between men, whether or not they identify with same-sex sexual desire. ‘Homosexuality’, however, refers to more than the sexual relationship and may extend to broader relationships with the same sex, i.e. lifestyle, sexuality, etc.In their assessment of the knowledge about the sexual networks and behaviours of men who have sex with men in Asia, Dowsett, Grierson and McNally observed that using MSM as a category does not always work. From the material they have reviewed there is not any clearly identifiable group of men who can be labelled MSM in any of the countries that they invest...

Becoming the Men They Were Meant To Be: Helping Sexually Abused Males
2007-08-27 23:40:00
Approximately one in six boys is sexually abused before age 16. Often males who have been sexually traumatized and/or abused behaviorally act out homosexually—also known as homosexual imprinting. Some of these males are gay and most are not. Males who have been sexually abuse are often confused as to their sexual orientation because of the trauma. These men—both gay and straight—re-enact the trauma through homosexual behavior as adults. The new term for these men are MSM (Men having sex with men).Resources for sexually abused men:MalesurviorMenweb.orgAuthor and Psychotherapist Richard Gartner Author and Psychotherapist Mike LewRECOMMENDED BOOKS:
More About: Abused , Ming , Ally , Were

Hazing and Straight Guise
2007-08-25 18:39:00
These are only a few articles of the hundreds of reports wherein hazing has a homoerotic and homosexual theme running through it.______________________________________ _____________________________Teen Gets Jail For Hazing IncidentBy CHRISTINE DEMPSEY The Hartford CourantAugust 23, 2007MANCHESTER - A former upperclassman in a Glastonbury program for out-of-state, gifted minority teens was sentenced to nine months in prison today for brutalizing freshmen during an ongoing hazing ritual...four upperclassmen at the program arrested last year on charges that they abused freshmen as part of an ongoing hazing ritual that included slapping, kicking and beatings with ping pong paddles. Some of the abuse was sexual...________________________________ ___________________________________Teen boys charged in Grant hazing incidentNIU official says no counselors were near vicinity of attackPublished on: Tuesday, July 31, 2007Article by: Jami Knowles Web ReporterFour male teenagers are facing charge...
More About: Straight , TRAI

Guy on Guy Sex vs. Girl on Girl Sex
2007-08-23 22:27:00
Here is exactly what I have been talking about in terms of women and their male partner's sexuality.Time Out New York / Issue 621 : August 22, 2007 - August 22, 2007Get NakedBy Jamie Bufalino Q: This question needs a lot of setup, so I hope you’ll bear with me. I’m a 28-year-old straight guy; my girlfriend and I (we live together) went out last weekend with another couple we’ve become friends with. We’d been drinking a lot, and before we called it a night the other couple invited us up for one last drink.We were just sitting around talking, and of course the subject of sex came up and instantly changed the vibe in the room. We kept drinking and sharing sex stories and then the other couple started going at it—kissing, he was grabbing her boobs, she had her hand in his crotch.My girlfriend and I looked at each other and decided to start going at it too. You can probably tell where this is going—yep, foursome! But an awkward foursome. At first, we were all just naked with...
More About: Girl

Women and their husband''s sexuality
2007-08-23 15:49:00
Husband to his wife: "Let's talk about sexual fantasies to spice up our sex lives." Wife to husband: "Okay you go first."Husband: "I have a fantasy of watching you have sex with a younger guy pleasing you until you scream in ecstasy."Wife: (Angrily) "How could you think like that? Don't you have more respect for me?"Husband: "It is not about disrespect it is just a fantasy. Even if we make it a reality it would not make me disrespect you it is just sex to me."Wife: "Well I am no longer in the mood and I never want to hear hear you say that again."I am not suggesting that women (or men) should be coerced or forced to have open relationships or do things that are against their will and humiliating. However, what I am saying is that spouses need to be able to talk about their sexual fantasies and desires without judgment and contempt and criticism.Without being able to talk about this openly--especially for men--they are likely to be sneaky about getting their needs met another way t...
More About: Women , Sexuality , Husband , Ality

Why Men Have To Keep A Straight Face
2007-08-20 05:26:00
In American culture, girls have rituals to mark their progression as women. When their breasts start to develop, they go to the store to buy bras with their mothers. When they reach menarche, their mothers or another female adult teaches them about menstruation and how to care for their bodies. Girls learn that this marks the end of one stage of their life and the beginning of another.Boys don’t have the same rites of passage for their masculinity. When we grow pubic hair and start getting erections, no one talks to us about it. And eleven or twelve-year-old boys aren’t about to bring it up themselves. No one explains to us how and what to do. Without knowing what it means to be a male and lacking a sense of our masculinity, we are lost.Adults stop touching boys by the time they turn eight, which is younger than the age at which we stop touching girls. Only girls have permission to touch each other’s hair and be affectionate with one another whereas boys are shamed for touchin...
More About: Face , Straight , TRAI

Prostate Exams Part 3: Comic Relief
2007-08-17 19:49:00
Here is the last of Family Guy Prostate Exams .
More About: Comic , Part , Relief , Part 3

Prostate Exams Part 2: Comic Relief
2007-08-17 19:47:00
Family Guy does a great job providing humor about how men experience prostate exams!
More About: Comic , Exams , Part , Relief , Comic Relief

Prostate Exams Part 1: Comic Relief
2007-08-17 19:42:00
I thought I would post this as it serves as some comic relief for what all men--straight, gay and bisexual--go through in terms of discomfort with anal activity whether it be anal sex or a simple prostate exam.
More About: Comic , Exams , Part , Relief , Comic Relief

Cuckolds: Straight men having sex with men with women present
2007-08-17 16:27:00
From time to time I will blog about various cases I have had in my office to illustrate how men can have sex with other men and it not be about homosexuality or even bisexuality.In the case of cuckolds, straight men have fantasies where their wives are having sex with another man either in his presence or not but with his knowledge. Other men fantasize and/or engage in sexual activity with another man's female wife with the husband present and watching or not but with the husband's knowledge and awareness.According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a cuckold is, “a derisive name for the husband of an unfaithful wife.” The concept of being a cuckold is that a man’s wife or girlfriend is interested in being with another man, usually because she complains of her husband or boyfriend not being sexually satisfied enough by him, thus needing another man. Often the other man is bigger endowed and from this the male partner is humiliated and shamed for not being able to satisfy his ...
More About: Women , Present , Straight , TRAI , Resent

Differences between Women and Straight Guise
2007-08-17 16:06:00
It is known that when women have sexual experiences with other women they endure less negative consequences than do men who have sex with men.An interesting article in online ABC News tells of some of the negative labels women have to endure:Young Women Defy Labels in Intimacy With Both SexesBisexuals Take a 'Flexible' View and Don't Follow a 'Fixed Path,' Say Sexuality ExpertsYoung bisexual women face urban labels like "hasbien" and "Bug" (bisexual until graduation), not to mention the giddy voyeurism of male fantasies and the ridicule of their lesbian sisters.The Good News For Women Discussed in the ArticleFor many of today's women in their late teens and 20s, openness to intimate physical relationships with either gender has become a way of life, rather than an "experiment." This relatively new phenomenon is likely a product of a generation unconcerned with labels."These young women see sexuality as a fluid thing," said National Gay and Lesbian Task Force spokeswoman Robert...
More About: Differences , Straight , Ween , TRAI

Women at risk for STD's from MSM's
2007-08-16 05:20:00
Not only should MSM's be concerned but so should women. The New York Times reported that:In recent years, the disease has been most common in men who have sex with men. But now, health officials say they are concerned about an increase in cases among women in New York, following a trend seen nationally beginning in 2005. After a decade with almost no female cases, health officials said the jump among women was possibly fueled by an increase in the number of men having sex with both men and women.City health officials said they were receiving more reports of bisexual behavior among men. And Dr. Stuart Berman, an epidemiologist at the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, said that in the last few years, New York men with syphilis had reported engaging in bisexual behavior more often than men with the disease in other cities.An alarming piece from this article was:Federal health officials estimate that those infected with syphilis are two to five times more likely to be...
More About: Women , Risk

Men Who Have Sex With Men Risking STD's
2007-08-16 05:08:00
The risk of sexually transmitted diseases for MSM's is very high. Gay men are already taking precautions and have been as individuals and as a community since the 1980's. However, straight men who have sex with men are not doing so.In The Windy City Times is the following article talking about the stigma of male-male sexual encounters and how this stigma puts these straight, gay and bisexual men at risk:Empowering Men Who Have Sex With Men to Fight AIDS2007-08-15In 85 countries of the world, it is illegal for men to have sex with other men. Male-male sexual relationships are stigmatized, driving men to hide their activities from friends, family members and health workers, according to a recent report by the International Lesbian and Gay Association. Because these men are forced to live part of their lives underground, they often lack access to basic services and, as a result, are at increased risk of HIV/AIDS.Men who have sex with men ( MSM ) is a term that applies to those who id...

MSM Terminology
2007-08-15 17:50:00
Here is another email I received about where the term MSM originated:When the term MSM was coined it was to created it as you described to create an objective term so that materials produced could be relevant to any man who has sex with other men, regardless of how he identifies -- in getting information to men, and wanting it to be relevant they wanted to remove any internal barriers that might allow a man to say -- this isn't about me.And if you think about it -- the exact reasons why homosexual sounds so right to you -- "a term with a history and culture" -- means that it runs into the same issue when using the term gay or bisexual -- by appearing to a segment of MSM as not being applicable to them.Its also important to note that MSM is a clinical term and isn't really designed to be an identity, its just a way of putting a set of behaviors under a single roof that might be applicable to a variety of identities.Currently those within the bisexual community are pushing to also m...
More About: Terminology , Ology , Term

Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (HOCD)
2007-08-14 05:09:00
Homosexual Obsessissive Compulsive Diso rder (HOCD) is a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in which the individual is preoccupied about being homosexual when, in fact, they are heterosexual. Some will read this and think it is ridiculous. The truth is there are many sufferers who worry about being homosexual--and some actually are. Until society makes room for gays and lesbians and diminishes homophobia, these types of disorders will remain.Sufferers of HOCD will be relieved to know this exists and can get the help they need. Characteristics of HOCD which I found at Brainphysics.com: Unwanted or intrusive thoughts about being homosexual Doubts of one's own actual sexuality Inability to get rid of unwanted worries or intrusive thoughts about being homosexual Seeing a member of the same sex causes anxiety and triggers unwanted thoughts about being a homosexual Avoidance of members of the same gender from fear of unwanted thoughts or anxiety about being attracted to themThoughts or...
More About: Puls

Sexual Addiction can cause straight men to have sex with men
2007-08-13 13:50:00
Sexual addiction and compulsion are a problem-and comprise a touchy subject that isn't talked about. All men--gay, bi and straight alike--can suffer from this disorder. Trying to chase the powerful feeling of their first high, sex addicts will engage in behaviors that bring an adrenaline rush. This can cause straight men to engage in sexual behavior with other men. It can cause gay men to be sexual with women. Like any other addiction, it causes the individual to go against their own will.Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., has written extensively on the subject. In his landmark book, Out of the Shadows, he coined the term sexual addiction. My own working definition of addiction is any behavior or activity that interferes in one's life in some way, but which one continues, despite negative consequences. Along with behaviors are other factors and dynamics, like loss of control.If a man's tried to stop or cut down his cruising behavior, with no success, that signals a problem. Addict ive behavio...
More About: Addiction , Sexual , Straight , TRAI

If I enjoy receiving anal sex does that make me gay or bisexual?
2007-08-10 19:26:00
This question haunts the many men who enter my office for therapy. The belief is that receiving anal sex equates to homosexuality and bisexuality and even worse to some--femininity!My quest in this blog is to state repeatedly that an individual can enjoy a sexual act and fantasy unrelated to one's sexual orientation.So the answer to the question in the title is "No!"I see many men who enjoy having their wives use a strap-on to perform anal sex with them. They are still men who are straight and enjoy erotic anal play.The problem is that men feel shame asking their wives to engage in this behavior. Other men do ask but their wives are opposed to it, are offended by being asked, and/or worry that their husbands are gay.So these straight guise seek out men to act out their fantasy of being anally penetrated. They desire the sexual act, not the man.The Feeldoe®The Feeldoe® was invented and patented by a woman. She writes on her website:Though Mia created Feeldoe® for lesbians and for...
More About: Enjoy , Bisexual , Make , Anal Sex , Anal