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iPhones and Sexual Addiction
2008-06-08 23:02:00
Since Straight Guise looks at sexual issues I receive many emails from men who suffer from a sexual addiction and cannot refrain from sexually acting out. They use various computer programs to block them from going to porn sites on the Internet with their home laptops and desktops.However they are finding ways to use the iPhone to sexually act out and go to these site with which they cannot connect on their home computers. So far there are no Internet filters (after clicking Internet filters scroll down to where it says Internet filters on the page it takes you to) for the iPhone.I did find a site which has parental controls for the iPhone called Sentry. Here is what is on Sentry's site:We’ve put the iKnow in the iPhone!Your iPhone can now be a window into your child’s online activitiesanyplace, anywhere, anytime. Sentry Parental Controls is adapting itsaward winning parental control software to use with an interface designedspecifically for the iPhone browser. Sentry At Home, ...
More About: Addiction , Sexual

Does Everyone Think You're Gay?
2008-06-02 04:54:00
A nice article appears this month in Details magazine on the concept that For some guys, no amount of evidence to the contrary can kill a certain rumor.The article was written by by Mike Albo.Albo starts the story about a friend of his named Gary who is often mistaken for gay when he is 100% straight. He talks about celebrities such as John Travolta and Tom Cruise who have never been able to shake off the rumors even when their lives clearly point to a heterosexual orientation.This is a good conversation as I have known many clients and men (and women) in my personal life who have this same issue.The author writes:Gary's what I like to call a "stray," a straight guy who sends out gaysignals like he's shaking a tambourine even as he proclaims himself—and in factis—100 percent heterosexual. The characteristics that define a stray as suchvary widely. Maybe it's a melodious laugh. Or a fastidious shirt-and-tie combo.Or an effusive signature salutation ("Oh my god! I'm totally ps...

bi-curious?
2008-05-27 00:12:00
bi-curious?There is an interesting thread going on at afterellen.com regarding what constitutes bi-curious and bisexuality. It is worth reading. The following is an excerpt:I think a person can identify as bisexual without ever having sex. If you'reattracted to men and women; I'd paint you bisexual. So where does the bi-curious part come in? Is it a legitimate orientation? I know some people would call bisexuality a phase, I do NOT agree with thatnotion. But I do think bi-curious is a phase. It seems like the 'stillquestioning' period before a person actually comes out. It seems like it's thefantasizing, flirting, contemplating that a person does before they come toterms with their true sexuality. It seems to be a term reserved for straight people who always wondered whatit would be like to be with someone of the same sex. But can it be used for gaypeople who wonder about being with someone of the opposite sex? Is it fair to use the term for people who are honestly questioning ...
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GUYS ON FILM | Straight up gay porn for some actors
2008-05-26 06:37:00
Regardless of whether or not people believe that straight men can be sexual with other men and still be straight, it seems that venues such as gay porn films and websites such as:(WARNING BEFORE CLICKING THESE SITES ARE GRAPHIC)"Straight Guys for Gay Eyes""Straight College Men"The point is that there is a lot of ignorance that straight men can have sex with other men and still be straight. The same way gay men can have sex with women and still be gay.Here is an article that talks about some of this.Media Credit: Alexis JohnsonGAY FOR PAY Jeffrey Escoffier shows a clip of a gay porn film to attendees."Some directors think that it is better to have straight men in gay porn," saidJeffrey Escoffier, who writes about gay culture, politics and history. "Theyhave less trouble getting erections."Last night at 19 University Place,Escoffier discussed gender and sexuality in porn while specifically focusing onhis work studying the "gay for pay" phenomenon in which straight men perform ingay po...
More About: Film , Actors

Are you in a bromance?
2008-05-26 06:14:00
The following article talks about the usage of the new word "Bromance" when two straight men have loving and even romantic feelings toward one another. The importance of this word and this concept of "mancrushes" is to dispel the myth that for a male to love and care about another male does not have to make them gay or bisexual. If it does that is fine but if their sexual and romantic identities are heterosexual then the new word for the millineum is "Bromance"Read on and then tell me what you think can two straight men love each other and not be gay or bisexual? What if they have sex once or on occassion does that make them gay or bisexual?Here's to 'bromance'Katherine BindleyColumbia News ServiceMar. 24, 2008 12:05 PMIn a 2007 episode of NBC’s hospital-based comedy Scrubs, the show’s twomain characters, J.D. and Turk, break into a musical duet proclaiming theirmutual affection. "Guy love. That’s all it is,” the song goes. "Guy love, he’smine, I’m his. There’s noth...

here! Announces Second Season of 'The DL Chronicles'
2008-05-26 05:48:00
By 5/12/2008 here!, America's premium gay television network, is pleased to announce that it will bring back the critically-acclaimed anthology series The DL Chronicles for a second season. It will premiere on the network in late 2008 and feature 5 new episodes. The DL Chronicles was recently nominated for a GLAAD Media Award in the category of "Outstanding Television Movie or Mini-Series." The anthology series is the first television show to center on the "DL" phenomenon in the gay community. The DL (short for "down-low") refers to straight men of color who live their everyday lives as heterosexuals, often married to women, but engage in discreet gay sex and gay relationships on the periphery. The down-low however, is not specific only to men of color.The show, created by Quincy Lenear and Deondray Gossett (2 Cents Productions), is not only sexy and provocative, but also offers a socially-conscious insight into the lines between sexuality and perceived socially acceptable behavi...
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Girls Love Gay Male Porn
2008-05-26 05:41:00
My continued fascination with women who enjoy watching two men have sex. I wonder why there is not much talk about this. We see lots of discussion of straight men enjoying girl on girl sex calling it "lesbian porn". But what about women in general. Do they love gay male porn?There was an article in The Village Voice:Girls Love Gay Male PornBrokeback Mountain was just the beginning . . .by Tristan TaorminoMay 13th, 2008 12:00 AMI just got back from a weekend at the University of California at Santa Barbara, where I attended "Console-ing Passions: An International Conference on Television, Audio, Video, New Media, and Feminism. It was three days of geeking out with academics about TV, the Internet, and various kinds of media studies—who knew that people are getting their Ph.D.'s in Battlestar Galactica and The Hills these days? Naturally, the first panel I went to was all about porn, with four scholars presenting papers on lesbian identity politics and pornography, the 1980s cult h...

“Why Girls Love Gay Porn”
2008-05-26 05:28:00
The following article from Playgirl Magazine is important for this blog on Straight Guise to understand that many women are attracted and aroused by two men engaging in sex with one another. I talked about it in an earlier posting about women who love to watch gay male porn.“Why Girls Love Gay Porn”By Clark HardingPlaygirl MagazineNovember 15th, 2006Here’s an excellent article I found in the online and hard copy December Issue of Playgirl:I’LL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST TIME I RENTED gay porn. Pacing outside the campus video store, I was too scared to go in. I eventually built up my courage, made a dash for it, and quickly grabbed the first porno I saw. I thought I was in the clear when I reached the front of the checkout line until I heard “Oh hey, Clark!” from down the aisle. Fuck, I’d been caught red-handed— by two sorority girls, no less. “What ya watchin’?” they asked, cheerfully inspecting my pick of Lukas In Love. Suddenly their faces brightened.“Oh my God...

When your spouse announces he is gay
2008-05-26 04:54:00
It has always been my stance that mixed orientation marriages do not have to seperate. This article supports that.When your spouse announces he is gayBy Robert DiGiacomo (LifeWire) -- When her husband of more than a decade revealed he was gay, Anna Marie Will was surprised -- but not shocked.Jim and Anna Marie Will decided to stay together after he announced he was gay.Her husband, Jim, had never fit her stereotypical idea of the sports-loving, macho, straight guy, and the two had even gone to gay bars with a friend who was gay. But that didn't mean she was prepared for the news. "Neither one of us had a clue -- he didn't know what being gay meant for him. ... He needed to figure that out," recalls Anna Marie Will, of Sacramento, California. "I needed to figure out what his being gay meant for me, and whether I could incorporate that into my life and my marriage."What they did know was that they believed in their marriage and wanted to make it work. Jim Will's revelation in 2001 ...
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It's a "Guy Thing", not a "Gay Thing"!
2008-05-26 04:44:00
Public Sex Confidential Overnight, senator Larry Craig became the poster boy for public sex. But as Benoit Denizet-Lewis reminds us, the phenomenon is anything but new -- and it's not just a closeted republican thing. So what is it that still drives some in the gay community out of the bedroom and into the Bathroom? By Benoit Denizet-LewisFrom The Advocate January 15, 2008 Benoit Denizet-Lewis interviewed me on gay men and public sex. Here are excerpts from the article in the Advocate:“Public sex is alive and well,” says Joseph Couture, author of Peek Inside the Private World of Public Sex.. “Authorities are becoming more creative andeffective at policing it, but horny men are very resourceful. You can have allthe gay marriage you want, but public sex isn’t going anywhere.” Some assumed that the Internet would do away with the need for sex in the bushes.After all, why leave the house when you can have your man delivered? Othershoped that as American society became more ac...
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Born in the USSA! (Unwanted Same Sex Attractions)
2008-05-26 04:43:00
No this is not a Bruce Springsteen song!USSA stands for Unwanted Same Sex Attractions .Sadly, the organizations which support them are mostly anti-gay and teach that there is nothing positive or okay about anyone being lesbian or gay.This is where I part ways with these types of reparative therapies and exgay organizations. I believe that there are those with same sex attractions (SSA) and with the right therapy can rid themselves of them. However for those who are successful there were not gay from the start in my judgment. Perhaps they were bisexual or sexual abuse survivors or many other reasons men and women have sexual interest in the same gender.A disturbing website exists titled, "SameSexAttraction.org" which states the following:What is Same-sex Attraction?Same-sex attraction is an intense interest in others of the same gender. Thisinterest may include desires for their attention, friendship, intimacy, and/or afascination with their bodies and other gender traits. It may also...

Straight Men Who Have Sex with Men (SMSM)
2008-05-01 19:31:00
I submitted an article which was accepted at www.GLBTQ.com on straight men who have sex with men.Men Who Have Sex with Men (MSM) is a term derived from the growing body ofliterature showing that not all men who have sex with men are gay. Adopted bysex researchers and AIDS organizations to classify men who have sexual relationswith other men but whose sexual identity is neither gay nor bisexual, theacronym recognizes a reality that complicates our tendency to divide the worldinto heterosexuals and homosexuals, with a small number of bisexuals, who aresometimes thought of as simply gay men or lesbians who have not come to termswith their homosexuality. That is, the reality of sexual activity is morecomplicated than the traditional binary (or even trinary) system of nomenclaturecan accommodate.This article focuses on straight men who have sexualrelations with men (SMSM). They are not gay nor are they bisexual, though theirbehavior might be seen as bisexual or homosexual. To read on cl...
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Sexual Addiction explained by Sock Puppet Porn Addicts: HUMOR
2008-04-13 15:09:00
A humorous video about sexual addiction.
More About: Humor , Addiction , Sexual , Puppet

Flex Sex
2008-03-24 03:17:00
Psychologist Robert Epstein uses the term, "Flex Sex" where men and women can have sexual contact with the same gender and not be gay or bisexual.He was on the Morning Show with Mike and Juliet and talked about what I refer to as Straight Guise. I liked the way he verbalized men who have sex with men who are not gay.He also has a sexual orientation survey on his website.

Mending a Shattered Heart: Women involved with sex addicts
2008-02-12 18:57:00
I am excited to announce the upcoming release of another book which I contributed to edited by Dr. Stephanie Carnes called, Mending a Shattered Heart . ISBN: 0-9774-4006-9$16.95http://www.gentlepath. com/About the Book:Where do I go from here?You are not alone. Thousands ofunsuspecting people wake up every day to discover their loved one, the oneperson that they are supposed to trust completely, has been living a life oflies and deceit because they suffer from a disease - a disease called sexaddiction. Stefanie Carnes brings together several authors to guide thereader through an assortment of topics like “How Do I Handle This?” and “What DoI Tell the Kids?”The chapter I wrote is:Straight Guise: Is My Partner Gay?This chapter will help the partners of these men, first by separating the two types of men: men who are gay and bisexual; and men who are heterosexual who seek sex with other men. The difference is one of sexual orientation versus sexual preference. It will also help w...
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Men Against Sexual Violence: Sexually Abused Males
2008-01-26 20:01:00
I found an excellent site about raped and sexually abused males that every therapist and male who has raped or been raped should have as a resource. The site at which I found the following is Men Against Sexual Violence MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT MALE VICTIMS OF RAPERape happens because of an uncontrollable desire for sex with an irresistible victim.Rape is an act of violence in which sex becomes the weapon used to control and or harm a victim the rapist perceives as vulnerable.Men and boys cannot be raped.One in six men report having been sexually abused by the time they were 18 (Finkelhor et al., 1990). Anyone from infants to the elderly, regardless of gender, race, religion, socio-economic status, education, physical appearance, marital status, or culture can be raped. Rapists choose their victims carefully, looking for anything that will make the victim vulnerable and give them the advantage. They isolate their victims from bystanders who could help them, and rely upon shock, surprise...
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Sexual Fludity
2008-01-02 05:41:00
Even though the following article and interview with Lisa Diamond is primarily about women, I believe that men are not far off from sexual fluidity.Q&A with Lisa DiamondBy Pagan Kennedy December 30, 2007IN 1995, LISA DIAMOND traversed New York State in a beat-up car,visiting softball games, picnics, and gay-pride parades. She was hunting foryoung women who had experienced same-sex attraction (even if it was fleeting).Diamond wanted to find out how such women understand - and label - their owndesires.more stories like thisIn this country, we tell a certain storyabout homosexuality: We believe that people who come out as gay almost alwaysstick with that gay identity for the rest of their lives. Diamond's researchreveals that - at least for some females - that story might be wrong.Shefollowed dozens of women for 10 years, as they graduated from college, workedtheir first jobs, fell in love, changed their minds, and tumbled into the armsof new partners. Most women's behavior had l...
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Is Public Sex Okay?
2007-12-23 21:42:00
After taking the poll if you want to elaborate on why you think it is okay or not please feel free to do so here on this blog. I would love to hear people's thoughts and reactions.Also, there are reports that men who have sex with men are arrested moreso than if women having sexual relations with men are when discovered by police. Gay groups state that straight folks get a finger shaking warning and are told to go home whereas men who have sex with men get arrested.Do you believe this? Why do you think this is? Gay groups site homophobia. Is there more to it than this?
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Gay men seek straight men in public restrooms
2007-12-23 21:31:00
In an article appearing in the Advocate's year end issue by By Benoit Denizet-Lewis From The Advocate January 15, 2008 entitled, Public Sex ConfidentialDenizet-Lewis asks:So what is it that still drives some in the gay community out of the bedroom and into the Bathroom?And the article is a well-researched response to some of the reasons. One is how compelling it is for gay men to find straight men in public bathrooms:One powerful motivating factor for many gay men seeking sex in publicplaces is the belief that they will find the ultimate sexual prize there:“straight” men. You won’t bump into many married or self-identified straightguys in gay bars, but you will find them in public sex places, where theybelieve their anonymity is best protected, and where they can getno-strings-attached gay sex without the hassle of having to actually talk to gaypeople (many public sex encounters are done without exchanging a word).“The reality is that gay men are tripping over each other in...
More About: Straight , Seek

Homosexual Anxiety Disorder
2007-12-15 13:03:00
I have posted about Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Diso rder in the past. Although not a formal diagnosis in psychology, there are a growing number of straight men who suffer from this disorder.I found an excellent resource outlining it at http://www.neuroticplanet.com/hocd.php.Ho mosexuality Anxiety Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Takes Many FormsObsessive-compulsivedisorder involves intrusive thoughts that are unwanted and distressing tothe individual. Sometimes these thoughts take the form of persistent notionsabout having a different sexual orientation. For example, a person who has hadmany years of satisfied, opposite sex relationships might suddenly start toworry that he or she is actually homosexual. Some people who have thismanifestation of OCD have taken to calling this "HOCD" or "Homosexual OCD."HOCD is not a scientific term, but has evolved out of the OCD community as a wayto describe the distress caused by anxieties over unwanted thoughts about beinggay.Clinicians, educators...
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Are ex-gays aligned with New Warrior Adventure Mankind Project
2007-12-05 16:35:00
The reason for my blogging these articles about MKP is that I want men to know that it is a safe place for all men to attend whether you are gay, bi, straight, questioning or a man who has unwanted sexual attractions to men. Sexual and romantic orientation is not what the workshops are about. It is about becoming mature men who find direction in their personal journey.Last week Wayne Besen, author of Anything But Straight, a book exposing ex-gay reparative groups, wrote a column about The New Warrior Adventure called, Nude Warrior Adventure, which included some material which was not true. In the column, Besen discussed the troubling ties ManKind's New Warriors program has with ex-gay ministries, which aggressively tout the retreat in their efforts to supposedly instill masculinity in their clients. Besen has since learned and now written that this any ties from MKP to exgay groups is false. He has since written a second column about it. Here is Wayne Besen's follow up column to ...
More About: Project , Gays , Mankind

The Mankind Project's Position Statement on Reparative Therapy
2007-12-01 06:02:00
The ManKind ProjectPosition Statement on Reparative Therapy The ManKind Project adopts the following position statement:We affirm that all men are welcome on our trainings and in our communities.We create trainings and circles in which all men are welcome to discover the deepest truths. We welcome men of all sexual orientations: gay, straight, and bisexual, including those who identify as having unwanted same sex attraction, to do their own work as they define it, to respect the identity and value of others, and to take responsibility for the impact their words and behaviors on others.We support each man in pursuing his path to deeper authenticity. We do not provide therapy nor endorse any particular therapy, including reparative therapy. Any group or organization that states or implies otherwise does so without our permission.We do not, and will not, attempt to change a man’s sexual orientation.We stand firm in support of gay and bisexual men. We support men who believe that homos...
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Mankind Project's New Warrior Adventure: The Best Program for all Men!
2007-12-01 05:42:00
Lately the New Warrior Adventure --sponsored by the Mankind Project (MKP)--has been getting some negative press. The false belief that is being written is that it promotes reparative therapy and helps gay men turn straight. This is the promise given by some reparative therapy groups and therapists. However, this is completely untrue. The MKP teaches men how to be and live as better men--whatever their sexual and romantic orientation is. I should know. I was initiated through the MKP in 1999 and am proud of it. I have referred hundreds of men through my book, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love, in which I talk throughout the book of my experiences in MKP and how it helped me and healed me. I have recommended to my male clients that they go and they have returned with nothing more than positive results. The New Warrior Training Adventure provided me with a group of men, mostly straight, whose mission in life is to help men become better and more mature. Still, I went to t...
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Over one-third of former American football players had sexual relations wit
2007-11-26 16:28:00
A new scientific study performed by Dr. Anderson in the UK of former high-school American Football players has found that more than a third said they had had sexual relations with other men.In his study of homosexuality among sportsmen in the US, sociologist Dr Eric Anderson found that 19 in a sample of 47 had taken part in acts intended to sexually arouse other men, ranging from kissing to mutual masturbation and oral sex.The 47 men, aged 18-23, were all American Football players who previously played at the high school (secondary school) level but had failed to be picked for their university’s team and were now cheerleaders instead. They were at various universities from the American south, Mid-West, west and north west.Dr Anderson, now of the University of Bath, UK, said the study showed that society’s increasing open-mindedness about homosexuality and decreasing stigma concerning sexual activity with other men had allowed sportsmen to speak more openly about these sexual act...
More About: Players , Relations , Sexual

Website for Men on the Down Low: Catharsis.net
2007-11-13 19:04:00
In the Detroit Free Press on October 18, 2007 an article appeared with the heading:THERAPY ON THE WEB: Secret sex lives addressed onlineWeb site created for down low cultureThe group's interactive Web site -- http://www.catharsisonline.net/ -- is designed to let people seeking help, or their loved ones, get therapy over the phone or online, via chat rooms and e-mail.Welcome to Catharsis OnlineTheir mission is:To help persons overcome that which holds them in psychological pain and retardspersonal growth. Our specific purpose is to address the needs of those whocannot reveal their true sexual identity – i.e., those living on the “DownLow”.Additionally and importantly, we believe that loved ones of thoseliving on the “Down Low”, or those who may suspect their loved ones havesexuality identity issues and may be hiding them deserve the same access to ourservices. Their suffering and confusion is deserving of acknowledgement,clarification and resolution – a voice.While we re...
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Straight, Gay or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited
2007-11-13 14:41:00
This article, Straight , Gay or Lying was in the New York Times in July, 2005. I disagree with the experts who say bisexuality does not exist. I think it does. And as you can see from this blog I believe that more straight men engage in sex with other men that are bisexual. However, for discussion I think it is important to have articles like these that explore the whole concept from straight to gay and everything in between.Some people are attracted to women; some are attracted to men. And some, ifSigmund Freud, Dr. Alfred Kinsey and millions of self-described bisexuals are tobe believed, are drawn to both sexes.But a new study casts doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least inmen.The study, by a team of psychologists in Chicago and Toronto, lendssupport to those who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct andstable sexual orientation.People who claim bisexuality, according to these critics, are usuallyhomosexual, but are ambivalent about their homosexuality...
More About: Bisexuality , TRAI , Ality

Joe Kort on Air America--The Lionel Show
2007-11-11 05:26:00
I was interviewed by the Lionel Show on Air America in October, 2007 about Larry Craig and the concept of straight men who have sex with other men.My segment is 11 minutes.What do you think of my comments? Let me know on the blog. Do you agree? Disagree? Something to add?Please feel free I think it could be a lively discussion.Warmly, Joe
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STAGES OF BISEXUAL IDENTITY
2007-11-04 17:11:00
For most bisexuals, there are at least four steps or stages to fully acknowledging and becoming comfortable with their identities as bisexuals.Confusion over sexual orientation.Most bisexual people start out feeling very confused about their attraction towards people of both sexes, questioning their own reality, and wondering "Is something wrong with me/"Some spend their entire lives in this stage, hiding their sexual orientation, feeling isolated and alone with the inner turmoil over their "dual attractions.Many go through life identifying as straight or gay/lesbian in order to be accepted and make sense of their sexual orientation. Because their own experience does not conform to either community, they feel intense external pressure to choose one and identify with it. Without any language to frame their own reality, and no visible role models or community available to them, bisexual people must have sufficient self-confidence and belief in their own identity in order to eventually...
More About: Bisexual , Identity , Ages

13 Types of Bisexuals
2007-11-04 16:35:00
In an article entitled, Getting to grips with the various types of bisexuality, it talks about the various types of bisexuals that exist.Many people are 100% gay or lesbian and are drawn sexually and emotionally only to partners of the same sex. Others are completely heterosexual, bonding in sexual and intimate relationships only with people of another sex.But what about everybody else? A significant percentage of people do not fit neatly into either of these categories, because they experience sexual and emotional attractions and feelings for people of different genders at some point during their lives. For lack of a better term, they are called bisexuals, although, many people prefer to call themselves “pansexual”, “non – preferential”, “sexually fluid”, “ambisexual” or “omni – sexual”.The Kinsey scaleThe Kinsey scale of zero to six was developed by sex researchers to describe sexual orientation as a continuum. Heterosexual people are at zero on the scale, ...
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Dude, I'm Not Gay!
2007-10-23 05:10:00
In my book, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love I talk about how men distance themselves from homosexuality.From chapter 2: Being raised male in the heterosexist culture means avoiding and distancingyourself from being viewed as gay in any way. Gay is synonymous witheffeminate.This is inherent sexism, as if being associated with anythingfemale woulddenigrate you. In our culture, being male is a privilegedstatus, and anythingelse is viewed as inferior. A number of times I’ve hada straight man notice mywedding ring and ask if I’m married. I’ll say,“Yes,” because I am. When he asksmy wife’s name, I pleasantly correct himand tell him that I’m married to a manwhose name is Mike.Often, theguy steps back and immediately exclaims,“Dude , I’m not gay!” He may thenproceed to ask, “Why did you choose to tell meyou’re gay?” as if I had asexual motive, or tell me he was “grossed out” by theidea. Now, I neverimplied that he was gay by telling him I was, n...