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MaleSurvivor Conference
2010-02-18 17:09:00
MaleSurvivor Conference will offer cutting edge research, best clinical techniques and advocacy strategies on male sexual abusehttp://archive.constantcontact.com/f s089/1102872218941/archive/1103060214943. htmlInternational organization dedicated to preventing, healing, and overcoming sexual victimization of boys and men through education, treatment, and advocacy announces 2010 conference at John Jay CollegeNew York, NY (February 16, 2010) – MaleSurvivor (www.MaleSurvivor.org), an international organization dedicated to issues surrounding the sexual victimization of boys and men, has announced the details of their bi-annual “Healing & Hope” international conference. The conference, whose attendees travel from all over the world to participate in workshops and seminars conducted by leading experts, will take place at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York City from Thursday, March 18, 2010 through Sunday, March 21, 2010.This year’s line-up of guest speakers ...

What is the difference between a fetish and sexual addiction?
2010-02-12 04:45:00
There's a difference between a fetish and hypersexuality--also known as sexual addiction. For every female who exhibits this disorder, there are 20 males who do, so most of this discussion will revolve around men.A fetish is defined as erotic or sexual significance being projected onto some (ordinarily!) nonsexual inanimate object. Targets of fetishists' desire can include shoes, stockings, jockstraps, underwear and practically anything not typically considered to be sexually arousing in and of itself. Many people can be aroused at the sight of someone wearing these articles of clothing, but the course of any sexual act with that person, such "accessories" are quickly discarded. But for the fetishist to experience sexual arousal and gratification, he needs to have the article of clothing or inanimate object physically present . He depends on the object for tactile and (usually) visual stimulation. Without it, he's often unable to ejaculate or even become erect.A fetish is similar...
More About: Addiction , Fetish , Sexual

Is Sexual Addiction the right term? Free audio class
2010-02-02 02:03:00
Sex Addiction , Is it Real?with Dr. Joe KortWhat would you do if Tiger Woods and his wife came to your office? Would you know how to treat them? Sex addiction and sexual dependency are common in today's treatment offices. But do you know how to make a differential diagnosis? And more importantly, do you know how to help these people and their partners?For a free download click here http://joekortclasses.com/default.asp?id= 3119.While this is primarily for clinicians, everyone could learn and understand how sexual addiction is treated by certified sex addiction therapists.
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Sexual Addiction Chat in Detroit Free Press Q&A
2010-02-02 01:59:00
Today the Detroit Free Press had a web chat on the topic of sexual addiction with myself and Dennis Sugrue, Bloomfield Hills answering questions. The discussion was moderated by Patricia Anstett, Detroit Free Press medical writer.If you are a reader of this blog and StraightGuise.com, and you think your sexual contact with men might be a result of sexual addiction and compulsivity, than this might be helpful for you.Go to http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/articl e/20100201/NEWS01/100201002 and read the hour long chat.
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Controversy over sexual addiction
2009-12-27 17:00:00
Many of you who read this blog know that I specialize in both sexual addiction, sexual compulsivity and sexology. I try to look at sexual practices, fantasies and behaviors from a positive perspective as much as possible. The debate around sexual addiction is growing. Sexologists and sex addiction therapists often disagree with one another. Can there be a middle ground? I think so.To find this middle ground we have to look at all the issues around sexual addiction and compulsivity as well as those individuals who are acting out their own narcissism, childhood sexual abuse or simply are immature and want to have a lot of sex without regard for others.In my practice I see much more of those who are experiencing loss of control over their sexual behavior and are horrified by those they have hurt around them--including themselves. First there was this article in a blog called, "The Salon"Is sex addiction real? By Tracy Clark-FloryIt's spawned a VH1 show and an excuse for Tiger Woods. B...
More About: Addiction , Controversy , Sexual

Mitch Albom opposes guys kissing--I guess?
2009-12-11 18:02:00
In Mitch Albom's Dec 6 column he writes about celebrities doing outrageous things for fame. He lumps Adam Lamberts "guy-kissing" as one of them. This is one of the very things that causes heterosexual men to not come out and disclose their sexual behaviors with other men. It also causes gay and bisexual children, teenagers and adults to feel shame for wanting to be a "guy-kissing" man.John Corvino writes"what is wrong with that" at 365gay.com The article ends with "...somewhere, some seventh-grade boy with apre-articulate crush on a male classmate is reading Albom’s column and thinkingthat there’s something shameful about “guy-kissing.”Shame on you, Mitch. Youshould know as well as anyone that words matter. I agree with Corvino! What do you think?
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When sex gets in the way of your relationship
2009-12-02 05:35:00
INTERNET PORN = ADDICTION, RECREATION or INFIDELITY?with Joe Kort, MSW and Tammy Nelson, MShttp://www.joekortclasses.com/default.a sp?id=4434 In this course we'll explore a differentiated view of pornography use, assessing for addiction and compulsive use, as well as defining when porn is used as recreation and its possible meanings in different relationships, of all sexual orientations.We will define monogamy, fidelity and exclusivity as it relates to pornography use in couples and look at the pathological perspective of pornography use as it desensitizes and/or traumatizes viewers.We will also see how porn can re-eroticise relationships when there has been erotic neglect.Participants will learn the three reasons people go on the Internet to look at porn and will find ways to assess, treat and intervene when porn is a problem.TELECLASSES ARE ON-THE-PHONE CLASSES - YOU DO NOT NEED TO JOIN LIVE - YOU WILL RECEIVE A RECORDING OF THE CLASS TO LISTEN ON YOUR OWN TIMEWHEN: December 7 - 1...
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Depathologizing Porn: Why Can't It Be Just an Acceptable Diversion?
2009-11-12 06:15:00
Usually this site is only about straight men who have sex with men. However, I have an article featured in a national psychotherapy magazine and I thought it would be of interest to readers of this blog.It focuses on a heterosexual couple where the husband is caught using pornography by his wife. I illustrate how I work with the couple. The way in which I treat this couple is similar to how I would work with couples entering my office for the men who are caught viewing online male on male pornography.Depathologizing PornWhy Can't It Be Just an Acceptable Diversion?by Joe KortIn more than 25 years of practice, I've heard hundreds of stories of how pornography use can damage people's sex lives profoundly and ruin their marriages. I've personally had many couples describe the shame and secretiveness of one partner's involvement with porn. Time and again, I've treated people for whom viewing porn has become a compulsion and who've come to prefer it to being with a partner. Yet I...

Why Does THAT Arouse me?
2009-10-22 19:49:00
Why Does THAT Arouse me?Come and join us Wednesday, October 28 at 8:30PM EST and learn the hidden meanings behind what turns you on. Fee: $15.00 Click here to register. After registering, you will receive the call-in number by email.All sexual fantasies are healthy. There are some that should never be acted on because they might be putting the person who has them or someone else at risk. I don’t believe there’s any pathology in our sexual fantasies or desires. Instead, I see them as a positive story about ourselves that’s trying to be told. Learning what the nonsexual meanings of our fantasies are can be very helpful.For example, you might have a fantasy of being dominated and spanked. There’s nothing wrong with that fantasy and there’s nothing wrong with doing it. But what I would want to help someone do is explore why they have that fantasy. Not in a negative way but in a positive way. What does that mean about you?”Kort learned the benefit of helping people explore th...

Psychologists repudiate gay-to-straight therapy: CHANGE IS IMPOSSIBLE!
2009-08-06 18:03:00
The following two articles are concerning people who have a homosexualorientation but do not identify as gay or lesbian. In other words, anaffirmative identity for them as a gay person would cause a lifetime ofdepression rather than coming out of the closet.Professionally Ireally think this is great! I have worked with so many men and women who cannotconsolidate a healthy gay or lesbian identity for so manyreasons--theirfaith being one of the main reasons.I realized years ago that it is notfor me to push them into a gay affirmative identity. It is my job to help removehomophobia and shame and understand what is best for them. I was doing damage Irealized when I pushed for an acceptance oftheir sexual and romanticorientation when--for them--they could not choose their orientation over theirfaith, family, morals and personal values.I started http://www.straightguise.com/ forstraight folks having sex with same gendered individuals and I am going to makeit for those people who are of ho...
More About: Change , Therapy

Can you be gay for pay?
2009-08-04 05:26:00
Can you be gay for pay?Read and watch this blog posting at Huffington Post by Mike Alvear, Host of HBO's The Sex Inspectors and author of Men Are Pigs But We Love Bacon.http://www.mikealvear.com/2009/01/2 6/tyra-can-you-be-straight-and-do-gay-por n/comment-page-1/#comment-1230What are your thoughts about this?

Is “Heteroflexible” the New Gay?
2009-07-25 10:00:00
Is “Heteroflexible” the New Gay?by Brent HartingerJuly 21, 2009This is a great article by Brent Hartinger in AfterElton.com and illustrates the increasing awareness that straight men can have sexual relations with another male and still be straight!Hartinger talks about a few entertainment projects in which straight men have sex with other men.But it might also actually mean something – namely that America is finallygrowing up somewhat when it comes to the topic of guy-guy sexual behavior, andmight even be taking a major step forward on the general understanding of thefluid nature of human sexuality.

STRONGHOLD: In the Grip of Wrestling
2009-07-24 19:37:00
STRONGHOLD: In the Grip of Wrestling This documentary examines the growing number of men who wrestle as adults, and the social stigmas they encounter.It talks frankly about wrestling homoeroticism and homophobia, historicallythrough today, and the many reasons why wrestling has become such anunderappreciated sport in America. All styles of wrestling are included: amateur wrestling, pro wrestling, and submission grappling.The documentary pulls no punches when talking about sensitive subjects.Several men discuss how they have been sexually attracted to wrestling since they were kids, and how the age-old fear of getting an erection in a singlet prevented them from wrestling as teens.They talk about sneaking peeks at library wrestling books and wrestling magazines, watching it on TV and being mesmerized by the guys in tight trunks, or getting aroused while wrestling their friends.Many grew up with shame for these feelings, and now think that they have to hide their wrestling as adults. T...

Pornography Use
2009-07-24 19:32:00
I just listened to an excellent talk radio show with a friend and colleague of mine Tammy Nelson who authored, Getting The Sex You Want. The relevance for this blog is that so many of the straight men contact me about their concerns regarding whether they are gay or bisexual given that they watch gay porn. This is beneficial to listen to in my opinion.I find this radio discussion about pornography and fantasy is very balanced including sexual addiction and compulsivity, statistics, normal use of both pornography and fantasy along with the problems it is causing for younger males who are starting to view porn online at the age of 11!And the porn they watch is very different than the Playboy and even Penthouse magazines male teens found under their father's beds and dresser drawers. This earlier exposure to pornography reinforces that for those who view pornography early one it can shape their views of what men and women do sexually.I agree with that 100%. I just don't necessarily b...
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Are you Heteroflexible? Calvin Klein makes room for you.
2009-06-18 05:53:00
Today an ad was placed on a billboard in Manhattan, NY.When I saw this ad I immediately thought about the homoeroticism that existed in the picture. What struck me the most was the "heteroflexibility" of the men. I appreciate Calvin Klein 's illustration that men can have sexual feelings toward other men and still be interested in women.These men are called, "Bisexual", "Bi-Attractional" and the new word is "Heteroflexible".The Urban Dictionary defines Heteroflexible as:A primarily heterosexual person who's not opposed to occasional same-sex trystswhen circumstances permit. The Urban Dictionary also describes "Heteroflexible" as:A person who enjoys sex with both male & females but considers themselvesheterosexual in the sense that they do not relate with the same sex for anemotional relationship like a bi-sexual could. Heteroflexible is a heterosexualperson that is beyond the bi-curious stage but would never engage in anemotional relationship with the same sex. Many people are ...
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Straight people forming gay relationships and gay sexual contacts
2009-04-18 18:23:00
I am noticing more and more that the concept of straight women involved sexually and romantically is gaining popularity. Oprah's March issue of "O" had an article on Why Women Are Leaving Men for Other Women.Oprah also did a show on this topic.The NYT on January 22, 2009 did an article called, What Do Woman Want, By DANIEL BERGNER.I am currently working on research to validate my findings as well as treatment of straight males who are engaging in sexual behaviors with other males.Perhaps this is a taboo topic STILL! and it is easier to understand that women are doing this so it is receiving more public exposure.I am going to make sure that this topic of SMSM's stays in the public eye through this blog. All over Craigslist.com you can find these straight men looking for other men so it does exist and cannot be denied.What are your thoughts as to why there is so much exposure for straight women involved with other women (SWSW) but not the same is being exposed about straight males i...
More About: People , Relationships , Sexual

New Audio for men who have sex with men
2009-04-06 09:04:00
I have added 2 ***NEW*** products to my www.joekortclasses.com website. 1. First is a teleclass I did for therapists working with heterosexual couples where the male partner is having sex or sexual fantasies with other men. I make the distinction between whether the men are gay, bisexual or straight and how the couple can talk about and understand what this means for the relationship. Click here to listen to a preview of this audio on straight men who have sex with men in relationship with women and also if you wish to purchase it. 2. Second is a teleclass I did for therapist working with heterosexual couples where the male partner is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I talk about how it manifests within the relationship and the signs and symptoms behaviorally in the male partner as well as treatment recommendations. Click here to listen to a preview of this audio on male sexual abuse in relationships and also if you wish to purchase it.
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Joe Kort talks about Straight Guise on Oprah and Friends Radio
2009-03-06 15:13:00
I was interviewed on Oprah and Friends Radio by Dr. Laura Berman on "Better in Bed". The topic was straight men who have sex with men who are not gay or bisexual.If you would to hear the interview go to Oprah.com and click on Radio and then click onDr. Laura Berman. There you click on archives and the show is listed under:Sexuality and Single Moms on 3/5/09.As always I like to hear your comments so please feel free to comment as I take each entry very seriously and into account.I know there have been some readers worried that I am helping deeply closeted men remain in the closet by doing this work because those men fool themselves into thinking they are straight when, in reality, they are gay.If you read through this blog and the website I talk about the differences between a man who is gay and bisexual and a man who is straight.Straight Guise is not intended to be for the closeted gay or bisexual man.

The Truth about Ted Haggard
2009-02-09 19:11:00
You might remember Ted Haggard, a former evangelical preacher who last year was outed as having homosexual sex with a male prostitute. He entered treatment and was discharged saying he was “completely heterosexual”. News about his has resurfaced as his new documentary is currently airing repeatedly on HBO – "The trials of Ted Haggard." In his interviews, he states that he believes his sexuality is “complicated” and that he wants to stay married to his wife and does not see himself as gay. He admits to having same-sex attractions but believes he is heterosexual.Nobody knows the truth about Haggard but Haggard himself!I don’t know Haggard personally, but I can see how his sexuality might be complicated and that he might not be gay at all. I have treated hundreds of men like Haggard who are not gay and engage in same sex behaviors.People have a hard time with men who have sex with men and are stillheterosexual.Why?Here are just a few reasons people have difficulty with Ted ...
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Safe Sex
2009-01-22 17:28:00
I have not blogged here for a while. I have been busy with some other projects.I was recently exposed to this commercial for condoms which is both humorous and educational. Men who have sex with men need to be wearing condoms at all times when you do not know each other or have concerned that one of you is not trustworthy in terms of playing safe. It is always safer to wear a condom!!Studies show that straight men who have sex with men are least likely to wear a condom and use protection because to do so means they would have to anticipate and plan their sexual encounters with another man which would indicate to them they might be gay. If they do it "on the downlow" and it is spontaneous they can then compartmentalize it as if it is not part of their lives.This is not rational. You should always wear a condom especially when have anal sex as the receptive role in a sexual act (i.e. the partner who is penetrated) . Studies show you are less likely to get HIV from oral sex and being t...

Sexual Abuse linked to High Risk Sexual Behavior in new study
2008-12-16 14:18:00
This article from EdgeBoston.com reviews a study linking sexual abuse to high risk sexual behavior. This is my point repeatedly on Straight Guise which I link heterosexual men to childhood sexual abuse for their engaging in sexual activity with other men.This paragraph is very important from the study as it relates to Straight GuiseThe result is you are not in good shape to be making healthydecisions."Sexual abuse trauma has other diverse and negative effects on theinterpersonal skills needed to negotiate safe sex. Men with sexual traumahistories are also more likely to get raped in adulthood or find themselves inabusive and violent romantic relationships.___________________________ _______________________Men who engage in risky sexual behavior with other men report much higher rates than average of experiencing severe childhood sexual abuse, according to a new study in the November issue of the International Journal of Child Abuse & Neglect.According to the study, about 20 perce...
More About: Study , Behavior , Risk , High

Sexual Disorientation: Am I Gay, Bisexual, Straight or Somewhere in Between
2008-11-14 05:41:00
So many men who read Straight Guise tell me that my discussions of straight men who have sex with men ( SMSMs) confuses them because before coming out, gay and bisexual men are often in denial and convince themselves that they are 100% straight.I even receive e-mails, some of them hostile, from gay men who accuse me of keeping gay and bisexual men closeted by citing the ways in which men might still be straight and have sex with men.They often write, in effect, “If I had read Straight Guise during the years I was in denial and lying to myself, I’d have felt comfort in thinking I was straight and gone on leading an inauthentic heterosexual life.”For them, staying closeted was fraught with lying to themselves that they were essentially straight, with simply a “kinky” side or that their sexual interests were just that—sexual—and not about their identity. They now have great remorse over the lost years when they could have lived as openly gay men. The trauma of staying clo...
More About: Bisexual , Sexual

On Being Jewish and SSA (Same Sex Attracted)
2008-10-05 17:45:00
There is an article in AISH.com which is a website on Judaism and Spirituality. I have been reading their material for years and much of it is very good.There is an article called, The Straight Path Home: My personal struggles with homosexuality. The essence of it is that the writer, "David" does not feel that homosexuality is right for him nor does he see himself as a gay man. He writes:I didn't have to "change" anything. The definition of teshuva is returningto one's true self, one's soul. The sexual attraction I felt to other men wasnot my true nature; it was an attempt driven by my yetzer hara, my baser self,to satisfy unmet needs, a symptom of missed developmental opportunities anddistorted perceptionsMost of it is good in terms of his struggle with SSA and his Judaism. I write on this very blog about how men exist who act out homosexually and are not gay. The problem with "David's" article is that he believe that all those who struggle with SSA's are not right and cannot ...
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No Sympathy for the Sex Addict: New York Times Article
2008-09-08 22:22:00
WHAT SELLS A scene from “Choke,” about a sex addict.By ALLEN SALKINPublished: September 6, 2008 THE distributors of “Choke,” a forthcoming film about a sex addict’s struggle to overcome his demons, have been handing out a strange promotional gift at preview screenings. Attached to a bookmark, the gift is a set of beads typically used as a sexual toy.“Not for small children,” the bookmark warns.In “Blades of Glory,” last year’s ice-skating comedy, Will Ferrell’s character attends a Sex Addicts meeting where the 12-step serenity prayer has been rewritten: “God, grant me the serenity to not have sex with my friend’s girlfriend, the courage to go home tonight without having sex with my friend’s girlfriend, and the wisdom to walk away from my friend’s smokin’ hot girlfriend.” Many of the meeting participants, unhealed, wind up coupling in the bushes outside.Move over, tubby; take a break, old maid, there’s a new straw man available for theatrical ridic...
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Ideas for Teleseminars
2008-09-06 06:32:00
I am planning a series of online teleseminars which will be podcasts and able to be downloaded in mp3 formats.I need suggestions from those of you who read this blog in terms of what you would like me to address. Please list things you would find helpful for me to include and I will try to do so in a podcast.You can put your ideas under the comments section of this blog or email to me directly.I look forward to your ideas and thoughts.Warmly, Joe Kort, LMSW
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Sex with the City: An introduction teleclass about Sexual Addiction
2008-09-05 22:17:00
September 88-9PM ESTSex with the City : An introduction teleclass about Sexual Addiction for men.{This is also an opportunity for wives and female partners as well as therapists to understand sexual addiction in men.}Sexual addiction and compulsivity is on the rise for men—and for women, particularly with the expanding Internet bringing ease to sexual hookups and online porn. Because of sexual shame, people often are afraid to talk about their sexual acting out behaviors and clinicians are not sure what to do once the sexual behavior is reported.This telelcass will help those struggling with whether or not they have a sexual addiction or not and accurately assess and get help.Participants will be learn what makes sexual behaviors an addiction and what to do to stop the behaviors. It will give direction to help men recover from out of control sexual behavior. Treatment planning often involves assessing the clients erotic mapping and ritualized sexual behavior.The secret logic of the...
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Lesbians who are aroused and enjoy watching gay male pornography
2008-09-02 05:20:00
Many people who read this blog have a hard time understanding how a straight male could enjoy gay male porn.I have uploaded an article entitled:Hot Man on Man Action (And the Lesbians Who Love Watching It) by Elizabeth F. Stewart from In the Family Magazine, Summer 2000.By clicking on the link and scrolling down you will find the article.I believe this article clarifies how and why sexual orientation does not always line up with sexual preferences. Most people would say that lesbians would be turned off by gay male pornography if they are truly lesbians. However, the author of this article makes some important points about the lesbians who do enjoy gay male porn:The "players in the gay male porn are all very hot and the focus is on the sex"Lesbians who enjoy anal sexMen "cannot fake arousal"What "the viewer sees is real"Gay male sex is seen as "nastier," more "down and dirty," and "forbidden".My own judgment about why anyone who is not gay or bisexual would be attracted to gay male ...
More About: Enjoy , Pornography , Male

Straight Guise: Treating Heterosexual Men Who Have Sex With Men
2008-08-28 20:19:00
Upcoming Talks on Straight Guise by Joe Kort, LMSWAASECT Sponsored Talk for Mental Health Clinicians DATE: November 1, 2008COST: $40 (which includes 2 AASECT CE’s and 2 Michigan Social Work CE’s plus a continentalbreakfast)WHERE: Center for Sexual Health at University of Michigan Health Systems Ann arbor, MIEast Ann Arbor Health Center4260 Plymouth Road AnnArbor, MI 48109 just off the highway (us 23)Contact: Sallie Foley salliefoley@gmail.comStraight Guise: Treating Heterosexual Men Who Have Sex With Men Joe Kort, LMSW1. Description of TrainingWhen a male client reveals he fantasizes about having sex with men, is caught looking at online gay porn and in gay chat rooms, and possibly is having sex with men, the tendency is to label the client as gay or bisexual. However, for many of these men this is not about either. A variety of reasons exist as to why men seek other men for sex which are not about a gay identity.Therapists, being politically correct, often believe the man is in...

Boyhood Shadows: A Documentary of Sexually Abused Men
2008-08-28 18:06:00
A documentary titled Boyhood Shadows is soon to be released about males who have been sexually abused as children.If you are a regular reader of this blog you know that many of the straight men I treat men who have sex with men were sexually abused as children and are homosexually imprinted in terms of behavior--not orientation--as adults.Monterey County Rape Crisis Center has created a full length, groundbreaking documentary on Male Sexual Victimization. A website for the film is up ( http://www.boyhoodshadows.org/ ), the film has been submitted to Sundance and other big film festivals. Watch the trailer it will make you cry. It had that effect on me! This is a very important and silenced topic that the producers are bringing forward!I received word of this film by an AASECT member Stephen L. Braveman who was part of the creation of this much needed film. His contact information is below.Stephen L. Braveman, M.A., L.M.F.T., D.S.T.Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistCertified D...
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Inside the secret world of the straight guise
2008-07-30 18:23:00
My blog was featured in a story in the Village Voice by Tristan Taormino about straight men who have sex with men.I really appreciated the journalist featuring my beliefs about why straight men have sex with other men and thought she did a fine job. She also pointed out the very thing that I have tried to ask myself--why is this okay for females but not for males? Read what she has to say.Straight Men Who Have Sex With MenInside the secret world of the straight guiseBy Tristan TaorminoTuesday, July 29th 2008Once again, a female singer has a hit song called "I Kissed A Girl"; I saw Katy Perry perform it on network television the other night. As she danced around in her cute yellow dress, I thought: "Wow, singing about lesbian smooching was pretty racy when Jill Sobule did it—same title and subject, different and better song—in 1995 on MTV." Now it's ready for prime time? Well, it's been almost 15 years. Plus, the whole idea isn't that threatening anymore.If a straight woman co...
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