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Teaching-Learning
2007-10-04 17:55:00
One of my top goals in life is personal growth. I am the epitomy of a life long learner. I want to be taking classes all of my life. Growth in knowledge, skills, emotional health, relationships and critical thinking are all very important to me. I have come a long way since I identified this goal in my 20's.Currently I am teaching a class here at work. It is a credit class and involves helping students adjust to college life. Talk about growing! It is challenging. I never understood how much prep work is required before each class. I have a new appreciation for what it takes to be an instructor. I have no book but a topic to teach each week and I have to find my own material. That makes it harder and more time-consuming. Yet, the energy and vitality of the students is fun. I love talking to them. They are required to meet with me once during the class and more than half of them blew it off.I guess I am going to have to tell them that assignments are suggestions!Next semester, I am ...
More About: Teaching , Learning , Earning

Update
2007-10-03 00:30:00
And then John said:You're so lovable!Yup! We are still in love and enjoying each other. John is settling in to his routine of working every day. He likes being close to home (5 minutes) and loves the environment of a public library. His boss appears to be a micromanager but she is nice about it.I have a new boss too. My old one retired and I adore my new one. She is a little dynamo and challenges me to do new things. She is willing to expand my job description and get me experience I need to move up. I am still taking classes online. They are expensive and probably won't help me in my career but I do enjoy them.Luke is now going to college where I work and I get to see him in between classes. He isn't doing too well in chemistry but loves college. We have lunch together twice a week. I really like him now that he is an adult.We added a puppy to our family. Actually, puppy is the euphemism for any dog in my life. I am such a nut when it comes to my pets. Arthur is another golden r...
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The Humanity of Readers
2007-07-26 00:39:00
Anyone that has watched my blog grow from a small seed of an idea to something that I published daily and continued for many months upon months has seen me for who I really am. That my blog has been published less frequently, doesn't change who I am. I have loved my readers and all that I ever asked was that any dialogue be done with honesty and authenticity. Sincere questions are always welcome and I respect opinions of anyone who doesn't respond with their claws out.There is enough hurt in the world. We are hurt by family and friends; at work and at church, anywhere that people congregate. So my blog always was meant to be a safe place. There is enough hurt in the world and the best thing we can do is give each other the benefit of the doubt. I believe in encouraging people to be the best they can be. To offer a kind word or a listening ear can help others more than we can imagine.Somehow that concept has gotten lost now that I don't post very often. People have stopped by and ...
More About: Readers , Humanity

Reconciliation-NOT!
2007-07-10 16:42:00
John and I have been in a war of words with fx since last week. I say John and I because he has me respond to her emails and then edits it to make it sound like him. I told him he needs to tell her why the marriage is over. She has the right to know. There were a few emails before this (and tons of phone calls again) but this was the start of it. This is the start of it:To fxReconciliation is not possible for our marriage. Your approach to life is different from mine, and I am hurt by the way you treat me and other people. I don't respect you any more nor do I love you any more.Yes, you have given up "everything" for the kids. Actually, I appreciate what you have done for them. However, you have lost yourself in the process and seem to live through them. That isn't healthy for you or the kids. Perhaps someday you may see that counseling will help you - it certainly helped, even saved me. Numerous times throughout our marriage, I asked you to go to counseling with me. You refused e...
More About: Econ

Great News and Bad News
2007-07-09 16:23:00
John got a job!!!!He starts this morning at a local library. I am so proud of him. It is a good fit for his skills and a nice working environment. Best of all it is closer to home than my job. So he won't have a big hassle with commuting. The only thing I worry about are the librarians. They are going to love him. I told him no reading their books!!!! He can only read mine--if you catch my meaning. *grin*It actually works out well for him. He will be part time until next month and then go full time. It is wonderful way to ease him back in to working again. They also offered him a generous salary from where the starting point was and the benefits are excellent. Once we get all the kids through college, we will be doing okay financially. He has some ground to make up but a steady income will help. I will need to teach him how to live within his means. Yes, it is that dreaded budget word. It is necessary, though. Now for the bad news. He went to a kidney doctor last week and he has se...
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Our Letter to fx
2007-07-02 15:37:00
This was a letter that I wrote and then John edited it. It was sent to fx on Saturday. We are waiting for her response.fx,All of our issues would be resolved if the divorce was finalized. We can continue to pay our lawyers or save the money by compromising as rational adults. You are concerned with having money for retirement and I understand that. Much of the money in the past year I have given to you or to pay bills for you is coming out of retirement funds. My job search is finally resulting in interviews. I want to be employed as much as you want me to be employed. I am not sure how I am going to fund my retirement either. Now the concerns: Glasses: I am glad you ordered glasses for our son ? as previously indicated, I will contribute.Credit Card: This entire issue can be resolved if you CLOSE the account as was the understanding at the deposition in February. The recurring charge goes away and the problem is solved. Please do so ASAP. Income Taxes: I hav...
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A Collection of Thoughts
2007-06-20 15:56:00
John and I love movies. We have seen two in the last couple of days. One involved silver and surfer. The other was a crime drama about addiction to killing. Mr. "Brookside" was a very interesting movie and I have some experience with addiction. John and I were discussing the movie and the first killing. Let me recreate our conversation.Me: I can't figure out why no one in the building heard the shots.John: He used a silencer.Me: Ahhh, that explains it. I didn't see that through the plastic bag he had over the gun.John: He would have to be close to them to shoot them using the silencer.Me: Why?John: Because otherwise it isn't as effective.Me: And tell me why, exactly, you know this?Hee hee! John wouldn't harm a fly and yet for a brief second my question hung in the air as he realized he sounded like an expert on killing. He stammered a little and then we laughed and laughed. I said that maybe I'm living with a murderer and didn't even know it! Gotcha, John!!!! *big grin*_______...
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Lawn Mowers and the fx
2007-06-16 19:24:00
I am rubbing off on John. He got a call from fx--his second in a week after more than a three week silence from her. She wanted him to fix the lawn mower or get his brother to mow for them every week. This is the email response from John for her voicemail.fx, I received your call/voicemail about the lawn mower/lawn. The mower that you have was purchased by me less than two years and just over one mowing season ago for you and our son. It is your responsibility to see that it is maintained in proper working order. Relative to having the lawn mowed, my brother had agreed earlier in the summer with our son that he would mow it twice this year - upon our son's request. All he has to do is either call me or text me and request that my brother mow it and he would then work it in as soon as he could.JohnThe conversation between John and me went like this:I wrote: This looks good. Sounds like I'm rubbing off on you after all!!!!John replied: Mmmm.....I like the way you rub...

Gratitude Tuesday-Letters V, W, X, Y, Z
2007-06-12 16:07:00
Today I am grateful for many things. I desire to complete the entire alphabet of Gratitude s and so I am finishing the alphabet in today's post.VV-Violins and other stringed instruments bring such a depth and beauty to music.Vacuums-that pick up all the dog hair from my animals. We have added to our family another golden retriever named Arthur. He is a sweetie just like Zeke and very smart. They like each other and already act like brothers!Veterinarians-that keep my boys healthy.Veterans-that fought to keep the United States free.Vasectomy-John and I don't have to worry about having a baby!!!Videos-Such pleasures as watching movies.Vagina-without it there would be no intercourse! And I have to love the G-spot. The Rabbit that I bought after Tiggr's review, is wonderful in stimulating it.Vigor and Vim-those healthy feelings!WWashing machines-that get my clothes clean without having to find a watering hole!Water-I love lakes, oceans, streams, waterfalls, etc. Water calms me down li...
More About: Letters , Tuesday

Two Glorious Weeks
2007-06-01 14:40:00
It has been two peaceful weeks since we have heard from the fx. Any communication with her and John loses energy. So serenity abounds when she stops calling. Then John got his health insurance stuff in the mail. Instead of spending $900 or more a month, the cost goes down to $100. What a difference!!!! Guess I had quite an effect on fx!For Gratitude Tuesday, I will be posting on V through Z. After that I will be taking a hiatus. I have lost interest in my blog and I am not spanked. It kinda defeats the whole purpose of blogging. I may occasionally post something but I think a break is in order. Tune in next week to see what I write before I go!Have a terrific weekend!
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter U
2007-05-29 15:51:00
Today I am grateful for:Us-as in John and me.USA-I love my country.Uncles-I have had some good ones.Umbrellas-I am finally old enough to use one. Hee hee.Universe-puts life in perspective.Umpires-who resolve differences of opinion.Unvericht-I seem to remember this last name. It was for a friend of mine many years ago. I was married and expecting Luke and we worked together. He made quite an impression on my heart.Un-anything-add the prefix "un" and you undo what the word is. It makes things fun. Let's see, there is unfx (no fx), unhatred (not hated), unwork (no work~also called a holiday!) See it can be fun!Unicorn-those mythological creatures that represent possibilities. Up-when I look up, I know I am feeling like all is well with the world. When I look down, I know I'm not feeling good about myself. Uh huh-that standard response! ____________ We have a world record, folks! The fx hasn't called in 11 days. John is loving it and so am I!!! *big grin*
More About: Letter , Gratitude , Tuesday

Public Blowout with the fx (Part 2)
2007-05-23 20:13:00
Note: I have responded to all comments left in the month of May aside from this post. If you have left a comment and want to see what I replied, please feel free to check!This is a continuation of Monday's post. If this seems incomplete to you, please read the first part because I'm not going to repeat it.________________For those who have followed my blog since it began in November 2005, you have seen my relationship with John grow and flourish. We have had ups and downs and struggles and have redefined our relationship several times. I am not a perfect person and will never claim to be.However, early in our relationship, I encouraged John to do everything he could to make the marriage work. Marriage is extremely important. With children and nearly 3 decades together, he owed it to his wife to try to resolve their differences. I pushed him very hard many times on this issue. I would have graciously backed out if he decided to return to her. John insisted that it was impossible to...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter T
2007-05-22 15:37:00
Today I am grateful for:Tags-they are fun to do.Tallness-I love that John is so tall. Life is seen in a different perspective between tall and short.Tap Dancing-was soo much fun when I was a little girl.Teams-it is nice to have others that affirm you.Tears-let me know something isn't right.Ten-John is a perfect 10. Okay, maybe a 9.9999999!Tests-as in medical. Let you know how things are going on inside.Tides-like life, come in and go out. I love to walk where the water has been when the tide goes out.Tad-a wonderful character on the soap opera I watch.Tenderness, tenderheartedness-I love gentle people and I usually am one myself.Tips-I believe in being generous when I tip and so does John.Tits-oh, yeah!Tummy-I love to sleep on my tummy.Tsk, Tsk-can sometimes be a perfect comeback.Lots of T words that are worth being grateful for! I will continue my saga about fx tomorrow. However, there was one comeback I wished I had thought of. The fx called me a fucking bitch. I should have said...
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Anxiety Attack
2007-05-18 15:55:00
John had a major project due yesterday along with a presentation on the project AND his final last night. He didn't get to any of that. Basically he started his paper on Wednesday when I pulled up research on his topic. He worked on it all day Wednesday and even at night. Since I had to work that night, I wasn't around to distract him. Yesterday, he worked on it all day too. I was supposed to proofread it before he left at 5:30. When I got home he was still furiously working on it and was out of sorts. I pulled him away from the computer and sent him out on the deck to calm down. I proofread his paper. It was good. But it wasn't finished and it was short by two pages. Plus I had all the formatting and references to cite correctly.Quickly I saw that John was feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety and there was no way he was going to finish everything and calm down enough to write his final. He had run out of his afternoon medication that he needs for anxiety. With his permission, ...
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This and That
2007-05-16 18:08:00
John has returned from his hometown. He was very glad to see me and very horny. I knew he would be but he was even more animated than I imagined. We talked for awhile and I was trying to figure out what was going on. After about 45 minutes, I asked him if he had taken his afternoon meds. He hadn't. He was unable to settle down without them. So he took them and we put eye drops in for him. After awhile, he could rest and talk to me again.We talked and talked and talked, had dinner, watched Oprah which I had tivo'd and talked some more. Oprah was doing a show on health knowledge.John and I took the test and he did better than I did.Did you know that for optimum health, all of us should be having sex at least 200 times per year?Now there is a health practice that I am interested in. Hee hee. Anyway, we ended up talking about spiritual matters and it was a deep conversation. I am going to be looking for a new church soon and we talked about ones in the area that we are interested in.F...
More About: That

Gratitude Tuesday- The Letter S
2007-05-16 01:52:00
Today I am grateful for:Spankings-when I get them.Sex-ohh la la!!Sadness-it lets me grieve my losses.Sage-as in wisdom.Sales-I love to save money.Sanity-having it is wonderful!Satisfied-that is how I think of my life.Seeing-eyesight is such a gift.September-that lovely month of autumn. Sundays-usually a day to get caught up and relax a little.Sis-I wish I had one and sometimes I am grateful I don't. Hee hee!Sickness-fortunately, I don't get sick very often. But when I do it reminds me to slow down.Sipping-ice tea on a warm summer day.Sub sandwiches-yum!Sandwiches-actually, I don't like bread. Give me wraps and pita pockets.Sucking-ohhh how I love to do that to John!!!Sun-I need sunlight to feel good.Sharing-it feels wonderful to share my day with John and have him share his day with me.Sand-it usually means I'm on a beach!!!
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Happy Mother's Day!!!
2007-05-14 01:37:00
I am having a lovely day. I have turned in an assignment so I feel like I accomplished something. While I'm behind in my classwork, now I am not as behind as I was. *grin* I went to work out. I am truly a fish in water. While I only swam a third of a mile, it felt very good. And because I didn't have John with me, I didn't have to rush. That meant I could linger in the steam room for a few minutes (as long as I could stand it). I'll have to persuade John to start walking with me after dinner. Maybe if we take Zeke, he will enjoy it. Besides we love talking to each other and it will give us a chance to do that without phones ringing or tv in the background. Ahhhhhh, summer! I need to exercise more often.Luke asked me what he should get me for mother's day. He said that if I didn't come up with something then he wouldn't get me anything. Since I love carnations, I asked for two of them with baby's breath and greens. He went out this afternoon and got me just what I asked for. ...
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Peace Once Again!
2007-05-10 15:44:00
My boss and I are talking nicely to each other again. I was surprised at how bad I felt. He pushed me for information that he could have gotten himself when I was at my busiest. Somehow he thinks his work is MORE IMPORTANT than anyone elses. Hmmmph! People's jobs are riding on how well they do on my tests. I think that is pretty important too. He just doesn't get that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. He asked me for a piece of info while I was printing test scores and then came back 10 minutes later asking me to stop what I was doing and get it for him. I know how he works so I had it ready. I was being difficult too because I told him I wouldn't stop what I was doing since I had it done and it was on a chair. I knew that taking it to him would be a waste of my time so I let him come to me. I know, I'm baaaadd!Anyway, my self-esteem took a dip because of all this. I was just sad. John has been dealing with fx. She is holding his medical card hostage until she ge...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter Q
2007-05-01 16:15:00
Today I am grateful for:Quiet-I love peace and quiet. I avoid the noise of radio and TV. I turn them on when I want but they don't stay on.Queen-as in The Queen. England's Queen is my queen.Quilts-those warm, comfy, and colorful blankets. They are gorgeous!Quizzes-those fun magazine ones.Quips-those fun little comebacks.Quarters-I love those state quarters that have come out. I collect them and just yesterday I got a 2007 one from Montana.Questions-those honest ones when someone really wants to know something.Quotes-what self respecting doctoral student doesn't love quotes?Quandry-those situations that leave me confused. It is a red flag to slow down and figure out what is going on and how I feel about it.Gotta run now. Bye guys!!!
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Going Out of Town
2007-04-30 15:46:00
John is spending the week with his folks, at least until Thursday when he has to be back for his class. I will be away at a conference Tuesday through Friday. I am looking forward to it but I am extremely busy at work with tons of phone calls and details. Everybody has a deadline of when they have to have my test completed by and so I'm the most popular person in town right now. The test that I give is only given by a small number of locations in the state and I usually get people from a 75 mile radius. Since this is a densely populated area, that translates into mega people!So I have today to get as caught up as I can. While I am gone, I have to get caught up on my class too. I'm having trouble with this instructor like I did with the last one. I emailed my first assignment to him and he told me to do it again. I looked at it and didn't know how to improve it so I asked him for more guidance. He ended up grading what I turned in and I got a 96% on it. It didn't need improvement...
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Multi-Tasking
2007-04-26 18:39:00
I am multi-tasking today and actually have to work. Tomorrow I have a meeting off campus. So I won't be able to post until Monday.Have a good week-end, Everyone!
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter P
2007-04-24 14:55:00
Today I am grateful for:Penis-John's! I love it. (see yesterday's post)Popcorn-a favorite food.Pages-to read.Pans-for cooking. What would we do without them?Pats-that's love pats.Pizza-Yum!Paws-of all my fury friends.Pets-they are part of the family.Pens-Just ask Wistful Wench. She is really into pens. And we all have our favorites, don't we?Pepsi-all the way!Pez dispensers-so very cute.Piers-I love being by the water.Pigs-for the tasty bacon.Pills-that keep me healthy.PIN numbers-can't live without them any more.Pizazz-oh la la!Papa-as in dad. I had the best!Positive-I like being as positive as I can be. I look for the silver lining.Pubs-hmmmmm!Puns-keep me amused.Puppies-my all time favorite!!!!!!!!!!!!Purring-sometimes I miss my cats. Yesterday, John and I went to buy dog food and saw a cat that looks just like the one my ex has. I made him take her. He didn't want any animals but I insisted. I miss her. She is as fiesty of a cat as I have ever known.Promises-I keep mine. I...
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The Adventures of Beanie Boy
2007-04-23 13:46:00
I ordered a bunch of hats for John's birthday. Thus far, I haven't enticed him to role play with me and I thought the hats would help. The first time out of the gate was a huge success!Everyone knows how horny John is. Well, he has taken his horniness to new heights! In fact, last week when he arrived he shed his clothes and lay down beside me on the bed. I wanted to reconnect verbally. He thought differently. I guess being naked was his way of telling me what he wanted and needed. hee heeThis week, when he returned, he was horny again. No, he didn't immediately take his clothes off but it was evident. *grin* I asked him the obvious question. Are you horny? Of course, he couldn't produce a straight answer. So I quizzed him. On a scale of 1 to 10, how horny are you. He chose 5-6. "I object, your honor." I guess I had to explain to him what the ratings meant:1-2 Don't even think about it3-4 Nope, not interested5-6 If it happens, that's okay7-8 Yeah, I could go for that9-10 I wa...
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Luke; fx
2007-04-22 16:53:00
Late Thursday night, Luke knocked on my bedroom door and asked to talk to me. Evidently there was a rumor that there was a threat of a shooting at school. He wanted to know if I thought he should go to school on Friday. I actually called the non-emergency police number to find out if the rumor had been confirmed and it had. Someone had written the threat on a bathroom wall and referenced both the Virginia Tech shootings and Columbine. Friday just happened to be the anniversary of Columbine.The police stated that there would be increased police presence and even plain clothed cops there. I heard later that a letter had been sent as well. So what is a mom to do? I called for a second opinion from Luke's dad. My ex is a heavy sleeper. It took calling him about 6 times before he answered the phone. Always the voice of reason, he said it was only one day out of school and he thought Luke should stay out. I called the attendance line around 12:30 am and said Luke wouldn't be in. Most ki...

Update
2007-04-20 16:44:00
Here is just a quick update about my busy life.I am testing today near Chicago, tomorrow at my school and Tuesday again in Rockford. I'm off on Sunday and Monday and go in late on Tuesday. Work is very busy with all these testings.The following week I will be out of town at a conference. Plus, we are coming down to the end of the fiscal year and my accounting responsiblities increase. Also, I have applied for a different position. My boss is retiring at the end of June but I don't even know if I will get an interview. I should know something soon. Work is very hectic.John rearranged his schedule so he left this morning for his folk's place. He will be back on Sunday and we will be able to spend some quality time together.Luke is home today from school. Find out why I called my ex after midnight about keeping him home today!Have a terrific weekend everyone!!!
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Thinking Blogger Award
2007-04-18 18:19:00
As a blogger, I blog my thoughts and feelings and generally just share what is going on in my life. In some ways it is a history of my relationship with John. I don't give it much thought, really; just that I enjoy writing. So I was suprised when Patty mentioned me on her blog, the Creative Spanko Wench, as someone that makes her think. It is an honor to have Patty mention me. I adore her so much and have defended her when things got tough. Her blog along with the Spanking Den permitted me to see that wanting to be spanked wasn't weird or abnormal. No, I'm just a woman that likes a firm spanking now and again. I will be the first to admit that it doesn't happen very much but it still is the catalyst for all my sexual fantasies and is the only thing that will bring me to orgasm. I think it was Padme that said I am a hard core spanko and she is right-hee hee.Part of being selected is naming five other blogs that make me think. Since I can't name Patty, I will have to nominate oth...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter O
2007-04-17 15:45:00
Today I am grateful for:Optimism-it should be my middle name!Orchestra-a rich musical experience.Others-they help me stay in touch with reality.Owls-the symbol of smartnness.Ostriches-they teach me there are appropriate times to bury my head in the sand and ignore things.Otters-those cute and playful little fellows.Outback Steakhouse-for big, juicy steaks.Opportunities-I like trying new things. Old-the older I get, the better life getsOdd things-different is good. ______________With the events at Virgina Tech, one thing is certain: no matter what the motive, there is no understandable reason to kill people. What happened is beyond comprehension and a horrific tragedy. It makes me very sad.
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I'm a Complainer
2007-04-16 21:29:00
Complaints. My mother was a complainer. She would complain about everything. She used to get all kinds of free stuff because she was such a big complainer. She was also mean-spirited, expected nothing less than perfection and I vowed to never be like her. Still every once in a while it does good to complain. This situation is one of them. I needed to make a point and I think I did. I mailed this letter out today. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.Dear Property Manager,I received your letter on Saturday concerning the condition of the back stairs from my condo. This communication from you upset me greatly. Let me make my points as succinctly as possible:1. The condo association is responsible for the cleaning of the common areas. Next month I will have lived here for three years and NEVER ONCE have the back stairs been vacuumed by the association or ordered by the property management company.2. In the past, I have vacuumed the stairs, removed the cobwebs and done my b...
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The Witch is on Her Broomstick
2007-04-13 15:46:00
Yes, folks, she rides again.One thing that John hates the most is talking to fx on the phone. He truly would never talk to her again, if he had a choice.We were on the way to a movie last night and I picked up his cell to see if any calls had come in while we were having pizza. Nope, no messages. I played with him that I was going to call fx to say hi. John didn't like that idea. I was teasing him. I put the phone down and about 20 seconds later, the phone rings. You Can't Always Get What You Want. It is her! John lamented that I could have had the phone open when she called. He doesn't want me to talk to her.Of course, after the movie, there was another voicemail from her. John was supposed to help his son with his homework. And he wasn't supposed to call her at work. I reminded him that she used to call him at work all the time even after he asked her not to. It was so bad that his boss asked him to have her stop calling. John told her numerous times that she shouldn't call b...
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Ring Tones
2007-04-12 15:41:00
We recently purchased new razor phones and Luke and I are now with John's cell phone company. The fun part is learning all the features of the phone. With one button, we can use voice commands and call people or text people. It is sooooo much fun.Now we have spent time entertaining ourselves by purchasing ring tones for everyone that calls regularly. Luke selected I am Free for when he calls me. It is a Christian song that he likes. I am using We've Only Just Begun by the Carpenters for John. Then for everyone else I have the Croc Hunter challenging me to find my phone faster than he wrestles a croc. He wins every time!!!!For John, we had trouble selecting the right ring tone for fx. At first, we found You Make Me Sick but thought it wouldn't be appropriate for other people to hear. John's first choice was The Bitch is Back but we couldn't find it. He settled on You Can't Always Get What You Want. Now how perfect is that????? *big grin* I told him it is a reminder that he shou...
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