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HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!!!!!!!!
2007-04-11 15:56:00
Today is John 's Birth day . He turns into an OLD man today. *grin* We both were awake during the night and I wished him a happy birthday. Then I woke him up this morning (to put in eye drops) before I went to work. He has a special birthday treat! It snowed here--about 3 inches so far and still snowing.We have been celebrating since last Friday. I bought him a gift that I wanted to use. So I gave it to him early. I went to an adult store called Lover's Lane and purchased a Kama Sutra game. We had gone out to dinner that night and were quite full when we came home. Usually, fooling around doesn't happen on a full stomach. Well, we never played the game. No, we read the game board, I sucked his cock some, we read the cards that came with it. The grin on John's face was about as wide as a Cheshire Cat! He was hard, very hard. Before long we were banging and had a wonderful time. Never did get around to actually playing the game. *snicker, snicker*I also ordered him a watch band. He h...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter N
2007-04-10 16:45:00
Today I am grateful for: Narwhal-what the heck is a narwhal?N- the first letter of my name. I like my name, sort of. Ann suits me too. Many people that meet me think my name is Mary. Just don't ask me my middle name. I hate it *grin*New-It is always fun to get something new. It is shiny and clean and fun. Think about it; no one has ever used it before!!!Nagging feelings-I am grateful for those nagging feelings I have that let me know that something isn't right. It is a call to action.Nahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!Naps-ohhhh, so delightful.Nearsighted-let's me see when I cross stitch.Net-as in the inter NET. Enough said.Neck-let's me turn to see things without moving my whole body. Who doesn't like that?Nests-birds nests with eggs are so precious.No-I am grateful that I have learned to say no when appropriate. I don't have to explain. It is good to have boundaries.Nose-think about how funny faces would look without them or picture an alien portrayed in a movie. Gotta have a nose.Nuts-John a...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The letter M
2007-04-03 15:56:00
Today I am grateful for:Much-I have so much! My family and friends, my readers, my job, my health, my mind, my positive attitude, my eternity, and on and on. I am truly rich.Mind-I have always had a very interactive mind. Maybe that is why I love learning and growing so much.Men-I relate to men so much better. Yes, they are bottom line people and don't usually do emotions. But they also don't usually play games and if they like you, you know it. Everytime I've been stabbed in the back it has been by a woman.My man-I was just telling John this morning how much better my life is because of him. I don't get nearly as angry as I used to. Luke used to set me off regularly but that hasn't happened in the logest time.Magic-in every life there is a little magiv.Meditation-that quiet space where I can hear myself think and get in touch with that still, small voice within. There is a wisdom there that I can't find anywhere else. Too bad I don't do it more often. It is similar to the pe...
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Kiss, Kiss
2007-04-02 17:03:00
Kiss and Make-up?Last Wednesday was a difficult day for John and me. I am known to be impulsive when I'm upset and that is exactly what I did. After writing my blog post, I stewed and stewed. John doesn't usually read my blog any more but decided to that day. I didn't know that and so when I texted him and told him he needed to move back to his parent's home, he thought I really meant it. He tested my back and asked if I meant by 5 p.m. That got me angrier. I told him I meant noon. When I got home for lunch, I walked through the door and there he was with his arms full of clothes that he was taking down to his car. I let him pass. When he came back up, he went into the closet for another batch. I went to the closet door and said something like: I must be right. You don't love me. You don't even love me enough to fight for me.Ohhh, not good, not good. We were both upset and before long we were both in tears. The surest way of getting to my heart is to cry. When I saw John with ...
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I Had a Nightmare
2007-03-28 16:02:00
Yesterday morning I woke up to a horrible dream. It was vivid and it felt real. I was angry and hurt.In my nightmare, I found out that John was cheating on me. In fact, he was sleeping with every woman he could find. Somehow, I befriended fx and discovered he had always slept around ever since she knew him. We ended up in the same house. I would kick him out of my bed and he would go to her room where she would kick him out too. Together we decided to not sleep with him ever again and we would share a house and both contribute financially while taking him for everything he's got. I would work full time and she would work part time while taking care of the kids.It was really weird. Even after I woke up, I was still upset and angry. Now I am solidly grounded in reality and I know it was only a dream. There is no reason to blame John for this; or is there?My reality includes that John continues to PR and can twist things to suit himself. My reality includes that John has cheated on me...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter L
2007-03-27 16:57:00
Today, I am grateful for:Life-the breath that keeps me alive and all that life entails. I am so fortunate in so many ways.Love-without love from people or pets or God, is life worth living?Letter s-you know, the old-fashioned kind that come in the mail.Links-to all my blogger friends. I don't visit as often as I should but I know where to find them.Land-it is diverse and beautiful.Lassie-my first dog was a collie named Lassie. I played house with her and she would take a nap or have a tea party with me. I loved that dog!La-the note that follows so.Lambs-those soft and gentle creatures.Lap-as in "get over my lap right now, young lady."Laws-they help keep life orderly.Lake-I am so hugely a fan of water--in it, looking at it!!!Leadership-such a vast and interesting subject.Legs-they get me where I'm going.Lenses-permit me to see far away.Learning-ahhhh, one of my true loves in life.Lips-for kissing. I am really grateful for these!!!Licking-I love to tenderly lick John's arm or trail ...
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Cool Mom
2007-03-22 14:48:00
I'm a cool mom. At least I got to bask in that glory for a little while last night. My cell phone contract expired this month and it was time to shop around. I wasn't happy with the company we were with. Every time John and I seemed to travel, he had coverage and I couldn't even call home. It was a royal pain in the neck. Plus all the dropped calls were frustrating.So John and I began to compare plans on the internet. Rather than call his company, we decided to visit a store. We spent two hours there and got a plan we think suits us. According to this company, John, Luke and I are now "family." (I LIKE THAT!!!!) Then we had to select new phones. John could have kept his since he stayed with the same company. Luke and I had to pick new ones. We purchased three razor phones with different color covers. Luke and I always had trouble knowing which phone was which if it was left in the living room. While we where there, I called Luke and asked him to come down to pick out his razor. H...
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Guilty?
2007-03-21 16:25:00
[Note: I have once again caught up on comments. So if you would like to read my responses, they are now there!]Who was it that said life is so daily? In any given day, there is routine drudgery and smiles, laughter and sorrow. And yet, there are new challenges and situations to deal with.I have 2 fever blisters today. I know it is from stress from the family meeting on Sunday. It was interesting for me because I thought my step-dad's kids were much closer. Yes, they see each other more often than I do my brothers and still I could see there are issues between them. The oldest son knows exactly what needs to be done. His wife is a perfect match. They would run the whole show. The younger son and his wife said little. I found myself liking them very much. The oldest daughter orchestrated the meeting and had some wonderful input. She is a nurse and understands the medical side. Another daughter lives out of state as does one of my brothers and they weren't there. My other brother is ...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter K
2007-03-20 19:54:00
Today I am grateful for:Kites-what a wonderful thing to do in the spring.Kisses-especially John's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Kittens-are playful and full of life. It shows me that life is cyclical.Kaleidescopes-a beautiful display of color and reminds me that life is about perspectives.Keys-that jingle. Why do they make me feel so important?Kegs-because it means there is a party (even if I don't drink beer).Kick in the pants-because sometimes I need it.Kids-because I learn so much about myself from them.Kinfolk-relatives that are similar and yet so DIFFERENT.Another very hard letter!
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Emotional Health
2007-03-15 14:43:00
First a rant!I submitted another paper to my instructor and he responded with anger. I really don't like this guy. I know my content is very good but all he is concerned with is that I follow the format. Yes, he is correct about the style. My thoughts and organization should be more important, in my opinion.He is also very subjective. Once he moved the phrase "for example" from the end of the sentence to the first. I was trying to get variety in my writing and it doesn't really matter. The sentence is complete wherever that phrase is placed. Shish!But what really got me is that he was angry. He made a sarcastic and angry remark and it upset me greatly. Ok, he has his opinion and he graded me harshly. Rather than explaining why he gave me a low grade for not following the format completely, he has to go off on me? That is not professional. That is not emotionally healthy. When someone takes an on-line class and there is not very much interaction, encouragement is very important. Em...
More About: Health , Motion , Emotion , Heal , Emotional

Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter J
2007-03-13 14:40:00
Today I am grateful for:John-my guy!!!!!!!!!!Jam-yum!Jaws-it means I can speak and eat!Jade-the first jewelry my dad ever gave me was a jade bracelet. I still have it.Jedi-if my screen name was Padme! *grin*Job-I like being employed.Joy-both the feeling and a good friend I had.Jogging-nahhhhh!Jolly-if Santa can be fat and jolly, so can I.Boy, J is a hard letter. I better stop here!
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Old Hurts
2007-03-12 17:44:00
John,I am very sorry for being upset today. You hit a wounded spot within me that is still very tender.Remember when I told you I brought my mom into counseling? I probably said something like I started with the smallest bit of truth and she wasn't able to receive it. Well, after talking to you today, I remember what that truth was: not being heard. I used to call her and she would talk for 20 minutes. When she finally stopped, I would ask her if she wanted to know why I called and nearly every time, she told me she was too busy.You see, she never had time for me. I didn't count. What I said didn't count. That goes from childhood right up to now. Not being heard is a huge issue for me. I don't need to always do the talking but when I do have something to say I want people to listen. Being overweight all my life made me invisible as well. I was just the fat girl so I didn't know anything. It didn't matter if I were smart or not, my opinion didn't count in public either.It has ...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter I
2007-03-06 14:25:00
Today I am grateful for:Ice Cream-it is my all time favorite food.I-as in me. I have learned that I have value and that I must treat myself with respect. This isn't ego, just truth.Illness-because it reminds me I shouldn't take my body for granted.Internet-because it lets me communicate with YOU!Immunity-so I don't catch every bug that is out there.It-that game of tag where someone is "it".Interviews-I love them because it lets me see more about the person and something of how they think.I-the vowel. Where would we be without it?Income-because it permits me to pay my bills.Income taxes-because I am looking forward to a large refund.Intimacy-Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!Gosh, the letter I is a hard one. But now it is time to start my day. I wish you a wonderful day filled with love today!
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So Long Unk!
2007-03-05 15:22:00
Did you know spring has sprung in the South? John, Luke and I traveled 750 miles south to attend the memorial service of my uncle. (I lived next door to my aunt, uncle and cousins for several years.)We traveled through the night last Thursday and napped when we could. At one point, I pulled over to sleep since I was having trouble staying awake. I pulled in a car dealership that was dark. Turns out it sold the same kind of cars we were driving so we blended in well. It was a long trip. But we arrived safely and got settled and slept for several hours before the service.I don't do well in crowds. I'm great one-on-one or in small groups. However, the number of family attending the memorial service was 49! That's right. My aunt and uncle had 6 kids, 16 grandkids with spouses and now great grandchildren. Just about everyone was there. There were family photos upon family photos.I spent my high school years in this community and lost my dad when I was a senior. It is heavily wooded a...
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Happy, Happy, Happy!!!
2007-02-28 16:13:00
....Anniversary to SNN's Spanko Diary. I began this blog one year ago today after I deleted my Learning Submission blog. So I have been blogging since November 2005. But this particular blog began Feb. 28, 2006. It has been a learning and growing experience. My blog has evolved from me always thinking about spanking to my relationship with John and what that entails. There is far less spanking and sex and more emotional and daily stuff. So thank you to all my faithful readers for opening up your arms and minds to my ramblings. I am grateful for each and every one of you._________________Things with John and fx were going well, but things went south and she got emotional again. She is accusing John of trying to take her to the cleaners. Now she wants half the retirement and then everything else! She will be able to downsize into a smaller home that will be paid for, have significant dollars toward retirement and should be able to support herself on her full time job. But in her mind...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter H
2007-02-27 16:06:00
Today I am grateful for:Health-I have my challenges but overall I am healthy!Help-It is good to know that I have friends to reach out to that will help me.Happiness-a byproduct of treating people right, being satisfied with what I have and accepting that life is hard.Habits-sometimes routine is comforting.Hands-what would I do without them?Hair-I have nice, thick hair. I never have to worry about covering up bare spots. Yeah!Hats-nope, not grateful for them. I look horrible in a hat.Head-so many body parts and the head runs them all.Hills-they remind me that there is a bigger perspective on life. Get to the top and you can see for miles. I love the vistas they provide.Hogs-what would I do without bacon on my burger?Home-my favorite place.Hope-I am filled with hope and it keeps me going. I guess it is good to be an optimist.Hugs-my favorite things. I have discovered that I am a toucher ever since John came into my life. Placing a hand on a shoulder or holding the hand of someone who ...
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Deeper Issues
2007-02-26 19:16:00
John and I have discussed the legal stuff that happened last week. It is important to process it and understand it. One thing that came out loud and clear--John and fx are spending more than they have and they need to learn to say NO when it comes to the kids. The middle son is in a private college out of state. The agreement was to fund his schooling for this year. He may have to switch schools next year. That is still being negotiated.On Friday, John and I were talking about why it is so hard for him to say no to his kids. John is always concerned about what anyone thinks of him. I call it Image Management. How many of us have the same thing? We want people to like us. It is human nature. John has elevated it to an art form. It is one of the things I love about him--his kindness that he shows to others. It isn't wrong to manage his image or for any of us. However, when it interferes with relationships or finances it has gone too far.I asked him what was motivating him. We talked ...
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Good Results
2007-02-23 17:31:00
Everything turned out for the best. The proceedings went well and at the end, they were able to negotiate the retirement funds. It will pay off some joint bills and then be split in half.With this major hurdle conquered, everything should go easier--not easy--just easier. Plus fx was told to put John on her heath insurance.It's a miracle!!!!
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Anxious
2007-02-22 17:04:00
I am as anxious as if I were going to be cross-examined by the attorney. I can only imagine how John must feel. I told him that I love him with my whole heart and that we will get through this together. There is not one iota of doubt left. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. Fx has been calling a lot. Last night she called and he told her she only calls when she wants something. She hung up on him. He has declared a 24 hour period of silence when he won't talk to her. I can't say I blame him. She is just so unreasonable. For instance, she is pushing him to tell her where he has been working. He told her the temp agency name but she wants the actual company. He told her he wasn't at liberty to disclose that information. Why she wants it is anybody's guess. Everyone hated her where he worked last. They got annoyed with her. John doesn't want her calling anywhere that he works now.She says weird things too. She actually told him that she doesn't dream about him. So thi...

Legal Happenings
2007-02-21 15:46:00
John has been preparing financial records for the upcoming legal meeting concerning his divorce. In determining where certain monies have gone, he sees what little money has gone to him and how much he has spent on fx and her expenses. After meeting with his attorney yesterday, he was quite jovial. His lawyer advised him to answer the questions from the other lawyer in one of four ways:YesNoI don't knowI don't recallJohn seems to think he can handle that. But we have been practicing. He likes to talk and loves that I listen to him. Fx did all the talking and rarely let him get a word in edgewise. Well after being around me for so long, he is out of practice on the short answers. *grin* It will be interesting to see how he does. Not that I will be there, of course.For as easy going and down to earth as John is, he hates fx's lawyer--almost more than his ill feelings for fx, if you can imagine that. She is abrasive and argumentative and judgmental. She ruffles everyone's feathers....
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter G
2007-02-20 16:03:00
I am grateful for:Gratitude -I look forward to every Tuesday !God-He seems distant today but I know He is there. Gel pads-they save my feet and enable me to walk. Games-board, card, computer--they are all fun.Gasoline-gets me where I'm going.Gates-lets me know where my boundaries are but also lets me in.Giving-it is sooooo much fun.Gems-they are so colorful and pretty.Gin-it is a nice and refreshing drink upon occassion.Girraffes-got to admire the way they stick their neck out.Golf? Nahhh.Goodness-it is inside everyone.This is a difficult letter but still a good one!(ps I have caught up on comments and responded to everyone.)
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Dizzy
2007-02-19 18:31:00
"I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning" by T. Tommy Rowe. That was the first 45 rpm record I ever purchased back in the lat 60 or early 70's. But now it refers to John. He wasn't feeling good last Wednesday and ended up coming home early from his temp job. He took a cab to the train station, boarded the train, then drove his car home. The next morning, he was still wobbly and I insisted that he go to the doctor. I called and the worked him in around other patients. It was an initial visit. They said his lungs didn't sound great and gave him an antibiotic. He had a cold for a couple of weeks that wouldn't go away. He stayed hom Thursday and Friday. Taking the train and commuting nearly 2 hours each way has definitely been difficult for him. On Saturday, he was going to go back to his parent's house to work on stuff for his lawyer. I mentioned that we hadn't spent a day together in a long time and he decided he could leave on Sunday instead. *big grin* He had a call from fx saying ...
More About: Izzy

Love is in the Air!
2007-02-14 15:57:00
On this, the day of love, I am taking time to ponder what Love is...Always believing the best about the one you love. Yes, they make mistakes but they are truly doing their best. Serving the one you love in little ways: getting them something to drink, paying their parking meter when they are late for the train, handing them a glass of water to take their meds with. It is a matter of trying to make their life better in whatever way you can.Taking the time to connect with them every day, if possible. Looking into their eyes, let them know you hear them and care about them.Supporting them through difficulties. If it is medical, emotional, or whatever, let them know you are right there beside them to help them get through it. Just by knowing that you aren't going anywhere can provide comfort and your strength gives them something to lean upon.Finding little ways to make them smile. It can be as simple as making a bad joke or applying a smiley face sticker to their cheek. Being tender ...
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Gratitude Tuesday-The Letter F
2007-02-13 16:17:00
Fun-I am grateful for fun today and I wish I was sledding in the snow we are receiving. I long for the simpler days!Friends-are family that we chose for ourselves.Flowers-that John just sent me for Valentine's day. The card says I love and appreciate you, Baby!!! Plus he sent chocolates too!Freedom-how lucky we are for all that we can do.Freshness-a wonderful feeling.Facts-eliminates arguments.Films-John and I love going to movies.Flying-to wonderful places and people.Feathers-light, airy, smile producing feathers!And I shouldn't forget our feathered friends.Fads-because it gives us something to laugh about in later years. *snicker*Falls-water or Niagra, they are captivating.Future-is what gives life hope.Feelings-tell me how I am responding to life and give me a chance to think things through.Frets-those things on the guitar that help produce different sounds and notes. It gives music its variety.Family-they drive us crazy but what would we do without them?Far-seeing things that ...
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HE LOVES ME!!!!
2007-02-12 17:53:00
HE LOVES ME! HE REALLY LOVES ME!!!Friday night came and John arrived from work. I made dinner for him and we ate and chatted about our day. I was on the quiet side. I asked him what he wanted to do and, as usual, he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I asked him first. He said we could go to a movie.I suggested we watch the movie we have rented. He liked that idea. I got everything set and asked him if he wanted to talk. He said yes but we didn't really discuss any issues so I started the movie. I decided to do homework and I went in the living room to read. After a while, he came in to see what I was doing. I said he could watch the movie but I felt like reading. He turned around and walked away.I thought he had shut the door since it was quiet. He was actually reading my blog. I came in to use the bathroom and then sat down and looked something up on the computer. When I was done, he called me over to him. He had an authoritative tone and I knew I needed to do exactly as h...
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Spank Me into Submission-Part 2
2007-02-09 15:53:00
This is a continuation from yesterday.Last night I texted John to see if he was getting close to getting off the train. He was the next stop up. I had to scurry out to get dinner for us. I sure wish he let me know earlier. I was starving since I used my lunch hour for reading for my class. Sure, I snacked but I needed some solid food. I got back to the college and began eating. John had class and was meeting me there. He finally showed up and smiled at me. What he didn't do was kiss me. Now John is comfortable with public displays of affection. And it bothered me that he didn't kiss me. I have asked him in the past if he would always kiss me hello and good bye.Maybe it was my post yesterday or maybe I am just not sure about our relationship, but I was feeling awkward wtih John. We made small talk. For the most part I just sat there and smiled. He filled me in on his day and I filled him in on mine. But something was definitely off. I knew he recognized it. Yet he wouldn't say any...
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Spank Me into Submission
2007-02-08 16:43:00
John and I have settled into a wonderful sex life. Sure it isn't as frequent as we would like but the desire is there and it is strong. Span king takes the form of a spice we add occasionally. Most readers know I am a spanko through and through. John enjoys spanking me for fun and he will do it for discipline if it is something big. My last punishment spanking was over guyZero way back in July.John and I have discussed what place spanking will have in our relationship. I think part of our problems last April were because I was pushing for John to be the HOH and he isn't comfortable in that role. I told him then and I still stand by my statement: I love him exactly as he his; spanko or not. If he doesn't want to do the LDD thing, I can live with that. Spanking for fun is more enjoyable anyway.So if I truly believe this, why do I react so strongly when I read about punishment spankings. I was over at the Loving Domestic Discipline blog and reading about spankings women have received...
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At a Standstill
2007-02-07 15:55:00
Boy, when a day goes bad, things keep going downhill. It snowed here yesterday and I decided to use my lunch hour to pick up prescriptions for John. He is working in downtown Chicago and has to take the train (which he missed yesterday). I drove slowly and went to the pharmacy and didn't find the handful of other things he needed: a shoe horn, vitamin C and antibacterial hand cleanser. But I did get his meds and paid big bucks for them since he doesn't have health insurance right now.Then I drove home to take my meds that I forgot to take that morning. By the time I got back to work, I didn't get anything to eat. I worked on a letter that was difficult to write (a sales letter) and used up my last piece of letterhead. Well, to get more, I have to walk really far. Since I only needed one piece, I asked around. The new guy in my department didn't even know what letterhead looked like; the faculty were all gone and the dean didn't have any either. The dean called his secretary and...
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Gratitude Tuesday-Letter E
2007-02-06 15:43:00
Here is my offering today. There are some really important things to be grateful for:Eagles-As I quietly sat on a pier early one morning, an eagle swooped down to grab a fish out of the lake. He wasn't more than 50 feet in front of me. He missed the fish and circled again and missed a second time. He circled around again but the fish was gone so he flew away. I later discovered that eagles are not good at catching fish. All I know is that this was an awesome sight and I have been facinated with these magnificent birds ever since. Expiration Dates-This morning I handed John some vitamin C since he is getting a cold. The container said it expired 5 years ago. I am grateful for those little dates.Emotions-let me know how I am feeling. They are valid and I need to pay attention to them. From there I can process them so I can select my behavior.Electricity-I love to read so reading by candlelight would be a pain. Plus, winters are dark and I like to have lots of lights on.Earth, enviro...
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Pedicure Rant
2007-02-05 18:06:00
My brother sent me a gift certificate to a spa when I finished my master's degree. I could select from a wide variety of spas and I decided to get a pedicure. I love getting them since my feet are so dry, plus it feels so good to soak them. But this experience was not up to par.I made an appointment at what I thought would be a nice place. When I walked in, I noticed that it was very luxurious. As a matter of fact, it was so luxurious, the people were snobby. That is a huge turn off for me. I checked in and was told I could have a seat. I looked around and all I saw were tall chairs---you know the kind---so tall you have to climb up to sit down. Being on the short side of life, I have always hated those kind of chairs. I am so short that my feet don't squarely rest on the floor in regular chairs. I spied a padded bench down a little ways and went to sit on that.When I was taken back, we had to walk through lots of different areas to get to the pedicure area. I had my coat and purs...
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