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I Demand a Recount!
2008-03-07 16:31:00
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "I Demand a Recount!", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/03/07/i- demand-a-recount/" });

Whether the Weather Be Cold
2008-03-05 16:20:00
Some seasons get along very well. I imagine that summer and autumn are very congenial, the former being a life-of-the-party type while the latter its stalwart companion and designated driver. After several months of long, raucous days and temperate nights, summer is all too happy to be tucked into bed by easy-going autumn, a glass ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Whether the Weather Be Cold ", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/03/05/wh ether-the-weather-be-cold/" });
More About: Philosophy

The Best Part of Waking Up
2008-03-03 03:22:00
If Nutt equals Nut, ‘N equals And, and But equals Butt, then: a) Valentine’s Day equals Very One-sided. b) Boston’s Best Marketing Personnel equal Larry Flint and Ron Jeremy. c) Cup o’ Joe equals Whole New Euphemism. d) Yours Truly equals Massive Perv. SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "The Best Part of Waking Up", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/03/02/th e-best-part-of-waking-up/" });

Leap Day / Creep Day
2008-02-29 16:06:00
Last night, Hazel decided it would be a hoot to cry uncontrollably from 1 a.m. until about 3:30 or so. The most likely culprit is teething, which I see as more of a red herring for parents to rely upon during ambiguous caterwauling spells than a consistent tear bringer. She also might have been really ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Leap Day / Creep Day", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/02/29/le ap-day-creep-day/" });
More About: Philosophy , Sleeping

Ode to a Long Winter
2008-02-27 16:52:00
Dense snows big on sop but short on stature coat the world like a sweatpanted loafer who is no more than a belly scratcher sagging jobless on his parents’ sofa. (That last line rhymes when read by a Mainer. People here play Three Card Monte with Rs; removing some to make words sound plainer and suping up others like pimped out cars.) Winter ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Ode to a Long Winter", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/02/27/od e-to-a-long-winter/" });
More About: Philosophy

Clap Your Hands Say Dad
2008-02-25 17:48:00
Some of Hazel milestones are like pulling teeth (or teething in general – anything that is slow, painful, and dental in nature will suffice); we have been working with her on crawling for months now with little to no progress being made. We place her on her belly, arrange a few toys across the room ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Clap Your Hands Say Dad", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/02/25/cl ap-your-hands-say-dad/" });
More About: Parenting , Milestones , Cruelty

What the Flap?!?
2008-02-22 04:00:00
Some questions in life need to be answered by all people: Where should I live? Whom should I love? Other questions should be considered by all people, but are often overlooked: What’s the meaning of life? Is there a God in the Judaeo-Christian sense? Am I going to leave this planet better than when I ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "What the Flap?!?", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/02/21/wh at-the-flap/" });
More About: Philosophy

Stay Down
2008-02-21 17:05:00
The first Kurt Vonnegut story I ever read was “Harrison Bergeron” in 10th grade English. If you aren’t familiar (and don’t have time to read the Wiki entry), the story takes place in the far-flung year 2081. In an effort to promote sameness and equality, the U.S. government creates a Handicapper General position. In short, ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Stay Down", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/02/21/st ay-down/" });
More About: Sleeping , Cartoons , Milestones , Cruelty

Just Because You hang It On a Wall
2008-02-19 01:40:00
In between Hazel’s naps, Megan and I have spent this holiday weekend redecorating our living room. One drawback of having your first child a few days after moving into a new house is you don’t really have the time to hang artwork or any such fluff. So, our house has been pretty sparse ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Just Because You hang It On a Wall ", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/02/18/ju st-because-you-hang-it-on-a-wall/" });
More About: Technology , Cartoons , Hang

Heather - You Will Be Missed
2008-02-12 02:25:00
As Megan wrote so powerfully already, over the weekend, her cousin Heather died. For those of you at our wedding, she did one of the readings. My first summer dating Megan, during a family picnic at her folks? camp, I got water skiing lessons. Megan was the teacher and Heather and I ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Heather - You Will Be Missed", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/02/11/he ather-you-will-be-missed/" });
More About: Family

Easily Standing Hazel
2008-02-07 22:24:00
This week, Hazel started standing on her own unaided by adult or furniture. Like an old-growth sequoia, Hazel can tower above the scrubby plain of our carpeting, swaying in the breeze of our living room for a full five seconds before that cosmic lumberjack Gravity chops her down. Luckily, before venturing into the realm of standing freely, Hazel first learned to always fall onto her diapered bottom. This new success may seem fairly ho-hum, but imagine how excited you would be if you could levitate for a half dozen seconds. Even with the aid of a rocket pack, that’d be a pretty cool trick. For Hazel, staying upright on her own two legs is tantamount to Luke mastering the Force enough to lift his X-Wing out of the swamps of Dagobah. And no, despite having the most experience with standing out of every living thing in our home, I’m not drawing a correlation between myself and Yoda. I’ve always1 considered myself more of a Mace Windu kind of guy…but with hair an...
More About: Standing

Don’t Vote For Hazel
2008-02-07 02:02:00
Will Hazel be the first female President of these United States? Right now, she still has a chance as Clinton and Obama are deadlocked in their individual bids for the White House. Even if Hillary (the better, yet less “electable” runner) becomes the Democratic candidate, she’ll still have to contend with John “Tater Tot” McCain, Mike “I ♥ Creationism” Huckabee, or Mitt “En” Romney. I’d like to think that America is ready for a woman leader, like the rest of the world, but we’re barely ready for a female news anchor, so Hazel could still make history 34.25 years from now. Although I have to admit that I hope my daughter decides on another career path. I don’t think you could pay me enough to be President. George Washington was offered a $25,000/year salary for being our first president and he waived it. What a stand-up guy; it took me three years of work after earning my BA in English to get that much cla...
More About: Vote

Barking Spiders Become Endangered?
2008-02-04 16:03:00
Lord Moulton, an English judge, gave a speech a little less than a century ago in which he discussed the three domains of man. On one side, he described an anarchic realm of complete free will—everyone does whatever they like without any consequences. Diametrically opposed to this we find a world of totalitarian enforcement in ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Barking Spiders Become Endangered ?", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/02/04/ba rking-spiders-become-endangered/" });
More About: Philosophy , Pathetic , Maine

Superbowl 42: The Answer
2008-02-04 04:53:00
Building upon my successful enjoyment of the Word Series this year, I settled into the Superbowl with much interest. As usual, this interest quickly faded as thoughts turned to all the quests I wasn’t completing in the Pirates of the Caribbean Online game. I did manage to check out the halftime show. ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Superbowl 42: The Answer ", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/02/03/su perbowl-42-the-answer/" });
More About: Sports

Word.
2008-01-30 04:59:00
Major happenings within the Family Rags this week. To start with yours truly, I’ve been keeping my nose to the grindstone at work for the past week or so, preparing for a test run of potential new and interesting responsibilities. Earlier today, I facilitated my first solo seminar for work - not to ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Word .", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/01/29/wo rd/" });
More About: Milestones , Maine , Hazel

Me-wow
2008-01-25 21:39:00
Hazel?s two biggest passions at the moment are music and walking. The former she appreciates fully; she bounces and bops the same to a Bob Marley song, the theme music for Elmo?s World, or a snazzy jingle for dishwashing detergent. The latter she cannot do without assistance from a person or piece of ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Me-wow", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/01/25/me -wow/" });
More About: Music , Hazel

Cruisin? U.S.A.
2008-01-23 19:27:00
Megan called me yesterday at work with an exciting announcement: Hazel was cruising around our house. ?Why was our little girl motoring around our living room in a tiny convertible, blasting Night Ranger, and looking to score a date for Saturday?s school dance?? I immediately questioned. ?Furthermore, what are we paying for insurance ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Cruisin’ U.S.A.", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/01/23/cr uisin-usa/" });
More About: Milestones

See Ya Beta On
2008-01-22 13:29:00
Despite the fact that being a dad is great, I need some time off now and again. This reprieve comes via two specific events: Being At Work and Hazel’s Bed Time. Megan, on the other hand, doesn’t get to leave the house for 50 regular hours every week, so it’s important that she ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "See Ya Beta On", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/01/22/se e-ya-beta-on/" });
More About: Technology

1-800-CEL-B-GON
2008-01-18 15:27:00
Hazel’s latest photo session, commemorating her eighth month of life on the outside, did not go over swimmingly. Lately, she has started whining a bit should we take away something she wants; in this case, she really wanted to chew on Megan’s digital SLR and that mean mommy simply wouldn’t give in. Instead, Megan gave our little technophile her cell phone to gaze upon in wonder. And as the warm, glowing, warming glow of the phone’s backlit screen soothed the savage tot, Megan started snapping pics once more. Of course, you cannot expect a baby with such a treat to just stare at it and simply noodle some buttons. At least, not for long. What started as mere nibbling soon ballooned to outright gnawing. Despite having enough teething rings to hold the toothiest crocodile at bay, Hazel decided at that moment to cut her choppers on Megan’s Nokia. The improvement in her mood could not be resisted and Megan just kept taking pictures. All in all, the photo shoot was re...

Ode to a Theme Redesign
2008-01-16 20:34:00
-or- Sonnet #553 DISK FULL ERROR Some ISP trouble notwithstanding, my new weblog theme is nearly complete. Server-side errors impeded landing the PHP files needed for this feat. I can tweak and continue debuggin’ and upload all the recoded data. Thanks to the awesome Preview Theme plugin, no one need suffer a faulty beta. A clean, fresh look is my ultimate aim since my prose is the ultimate focus. Once I am done, a few files overlain, I’ll have a whole new blog – hocus pocus! I like my new banner image the most. Pray Activision won’t sue your fine host. ShareThis
More About: Redesign

Don’t Be Such a Wet Basement
2008-01-14 17:00:00
When one has several feet of snow resting on one’s lawn and the temperature rises markedly over a few days’ time, a few things transpire. Firstly, one’s mood greatly improves as the mind and body begin to think thoughts of longer days, springtime sunshine, and flowery fields just begging to be laid upon while fluffy, white clouds flit overhead in the shapes of bunnies, squirrels, and playful marmots. Secondly, all the snow which has buried one’s landscape – the rose bushes, the garden path, and that low spot in the yard which makes it hard to mow over by the forsythia - begins to melt. This makes what the layman calls water . In Rockland, Maine, this water flows either to the waiting bosom of the Mother Atlantic or up through my basement’s drain grate. On Saturday morning, after a great Friday night of wine, popcorn, and my new collector’s copy of The Big Lebowski , I tromped downstairs to our basement in the hopes of taking some bags of trash and a stack of o...

Snowshoe-bie Doobie
2008-01-10 18:47:00
Here in Maine we’ve decided to follow one of the snowiest Decembers on record with one of the warmest Januarys on record. The past few days have been in the 50s and nearly all that 2007 snow has melted away, leaving behind piles of dirty, icy slush and revealing surprisingly green lawns beneath. Luckily, before Nature ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Snowshoe-bie Doobie", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/01/10/sn owshoe-bie-doobie/" } );
More About: Adventure , Hazel

Them Dems
2008-01-08 04:13:00
I can no longer completely ignore the 2008 Presidential Campaigns; now is the time to start paying attention so I can at least be an informed (if not still reluctant) voter this November. While I am a registered Independent, I do swing more towards the Democratic perspective on most issues. As such, I care more ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Them Dems", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/01/07/th em-dems/" } );

Snow Time to Panic
2008-01-05 16:02:00
You’re going to notice some changes here at FHTP over the next few weeks. I have been working offline on a new theme as this one is getting a bit stagnant for me. Things will look much the same, but the backend of things will be a whole lot sweeter. I wasted ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Snow Time to Panic ", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/01/05/sn ow-time-to-panic/" } );
More About: Technology

Get Behind Me 2007
2008-01-01 16:32:00
And with the pop of 10,000 champagne bottle corks, the holiday season (and 2007 as a whole) is packed away and put up in the attic. I hope you bought enough mothballs. Hazel?s first Christmas went swimmingly. Despite my worst fears of weird or useless gifts, everything she received has not only fit well ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "Get Behind Me 2007", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2008/01/01/ge t-behind-me-2007/" } );

The One-Lung?er*
2007-12-21 15:00:00
Before Maine , Megan and I lived in Vermont. For much of my Connecticut family, moving to these northern reaches of New England is tantamount to moving to Siberia or the Himalayas. Some ask us if we had snow in August. Others maintain the belief that I commute to work via dog sled. But with global ... SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title: "The One-Lung’er*", url: "http://familyrags.com/fhtp/2007/12/21/th e-one-lunger/" } , { popup: true } , { embeds: true } );

Will Blog for Content
2007-12-19 21:47:00
With computer troubles at home and work, my Wit-o-meter has cranked down to [insert something bland and unfunny here].   The very fact that I have to rely on bracketed content in my opening sentences should indicate how strapped I am humorously.   So, if you can spare any comedic change, please drop any surplus in the comments.
More About: Blog , Content

Holly Days
2007-12-17 18:48:00
Last week we braved the wilderness of the Hannaford parking lot to bring home our Christmas tree. We settled on a seven-foot conifer trucked down from Aroostook County, the northern bulk of Maine. The money we paid went to Kiwanis International ? an admirable organization dedicated to serving and strengthening local communities through ...
More About: Holly , Days , Olly

Theories, Postulates, and Explanations
2007-12-12 18:52:00
After a cold and snowy start to the week, the view out my office window has blue skies, calm seas, and roofs dripping with melting snow and ice. In short, it?s warm in Maine and I am happy for this. Shortly after Hazel?s 30-hour sickness last week, both Megan and I caught strains of it. ...
More About: Theories , Theo

Inn the Future
2007-12-10 16:20:00
Megan and her mother went down to Portland for a day of chain store shopping on Saturday, so Hazel and I had a whole day to ourselves. In between naps (hers, not mine), we read books, played with plush animals, and even took in ?The New Yankee Workshop? AND ?This Old House?. If there is ...
More About: Future , The Future