I Will Not Eat The Darkness

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The Stone Hawk
2007-04-18 11:46:00
It's about time someone came up with a drug drug detox program that doesn't replace one addictive drug with another one. I've been looking at this website: Narconon Stone Hawk . They approach drug rehab from the point of view that another drug is not what the body needs when it's addicted. They believe that what the body needs when it's addicted to a drug is what the drug takes away from the body, like essential nutrients. Any drug a person takes in excess is going to rob the body of the things it needs to function at a healthy level. For instance, if a person is an alcoholic, they will have a deficiency of the complex of B vitamins. It's the alcohol that takes it right from the body, so when a person is detoxing from alcohol, it's the B vitamin deficiency that causes most of the problems. Narconon Stone Hawk also provides Life Skills Courses and has an Aftercare Program for the people who choose to get help there. That's important because even if a person is no longer physic...
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Stuff And Junk
2007-04-18 02:59:00
I'm going to have to start making it a habit to start posting on here again regularly. I always hate it when I go to blogs and the person hasn't posted in an eon. I've become that person. *sigh*Also, in light of one of the comments I got on a recent post that I had to delete, I'm going to turn on comment moderation. I already have comment verification, but it seems that if some people are really determined, they can post all kinds of shit in your blog. Dammit. I'm not really pissed about that. It's more like I'm highly disappointed. That comment was some weird unintelligible crap, which by the way was so long it took me an age to read it and was complete drivel, that attempted to force a religious and political view on me. Ok, I'm a Christian. I'm not shy about admitting that, but as far as I know and as long as I've had this blog, I've never tried to push my beliefs on anyone. I don't appreciate in the strongest way someone trying to do that to me and using my blog as a...
More About: Stuff , Junk

Glinda Was Right About Everything. Toto Really Is An Jungian Stereotype.
2007-03-30 07:41:00
Ok, so I haven't posted in about a month or so. Sorry about that. I hope no one was worried about me. Actually, everything is going pretty damn well right now. Amazing, isn't it?I moved into a really great apt,; have an awesome roommate; finally have a fun job that I can actually make money at; I have my kitty posse; I have enough money for groceries and bills so that I don't have to choose to pay one or the other (I really like that.) The two girls I've been best friends with, ne sisters, have still completely deserted me. One of them has only spoken to me one time since right after Christmas, the other has not spoken to me at all since right after Christmas. We had been friends/sisters for about 10 years. I try not to think about that too much. The rest of my life is so good right now that I don't want to shoot myself in the foot, so to speak, focusing on that one negative when there are so many positive things going on. I'm trying very hard not to dwell on the negative thin...
More About: About , Everything , Toto , Type , Real

I Think I Already Packed My Ruby Slippers.
2007-02-28 15:30:00
I don't know how many of y'all are still reading my blog since I've not been posting so regularly, but I am today. I'm also Captain Obvious today. Anyway, today is the big move. I've had to hire some movers to come over and move the rest of my stuff. I was only able to move a little bit. My trick leg kept going out on me climbing up the stairs. Plus, I was only able to take what I can fit into my car, which is not really that much. I was going through a full tank of gas like every two days going back and forth from the house to my apt. Ridiculous. So, the movers are coming at 12 noon. I've never used these movers before, so I don't know how punctual they are. I kind of hope they are a couple of hours late, because I still have my entire room to pack up and my bathroom. I managed to get a lot done yesterday. I worked on packing and even made two trips to my apt. in 12 hours. I went to bed this morning at like 1am. I set my alarm for 5am. I woke up at 4:30am. I did some packing...
More About: Ruby , Read , Think , Pack , Ready

To Funny Not To Post
2007-02-22 12:43:00
DOG DIARY8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!CAT DIARYDay 983 of my captivity.My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fedhash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.Today I decapitated a mouse a...
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Tuesday Afternoon Tunes
2007-02-21 16:06:00
Tori Amos/Damien Rice~The Power Of Orange KnickersThe Gypsy Kings rendition of Hotel California.Blue October~Independently Happy
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Change Comes Slowly For Me
2007-02-18 18:53:00
Haven't been around for awhile, I know. I'm ok if anyone was wondering. I'm moving. Starting today. I'll be moving my stuff to my new place just piecemeal. I don't have really anyone to help me, so I'm just going to move the stuff I can fit into my car until I'm left with the big stuff. Then, I really don't know what I'm going to do. Hopefully, God will provide me someone with a truck and a few friends. *hope*. If anyone would like to pray for me, send me good energy, or whatever you're comfortable with, it would be so much appreciated. I'm scared about moving because I don't have a job yet. I'm looking every day, though. I'll try to be around here more in the next few days. Besides, I haven't made any of those commercial ad thingies that make me money in a little while and I need the money. Especially since I'm moving.
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Moving?
2007-02-14 15:46:00
Ok, I'm about to get ready to move (away from Dad). I've been searching all over Hell and back (Little Rock) to find the right place to move and one that would accept a co-signer because my credit is for shit. I have found 3 places:1. apt. complex built 25 years ago, but just remodeled: downstairs: 1100 sq. ft, w/d (stackable), large patio w/wooden privacy fence, central h/a, carpeting, hardwood floors in kitchen and bathrooms, 2 bed/ 2 bath, freakin' hellalarge closets, has pool, within walking distance of Arkansas River (but it does have a tendency to flood down there sometimes if the rains are heavy and the river rises. I've seen it come all the way up through the river park and onto the adjacent roads. I don't think that particular apt. complex would flood bc it's on a hill, but the roads might and I might be stuck until the water receeds.), $690.00/mo w/$200 dep. and $400.00 pet dep. ($200.00 refundable), I can have all 4 of my cats, corporately owned.2. 1920-30's built ...
More About: Moving , Ving

I've Only Ever Gotten One Valentine's Card With A Redneck Version Of "Rose
2007-02-10 22:50:00
When I was a freshman in high school, one of the senior football jocks had a crush on me. (I thought this was really weird because he was a "jock" and I was such a freak.) He used to come over to my house and we would sit on the front porch and he would talk about himself and I would pretend to listen. Then, eventually, he would ask for a kiss. I would say, "Only on the cheek". I would tell him to close his eyes and lean in toward me. Instead of kissing him, I would raise my arm back as far as I could, to get good momentum, and slap him so hard that he would have a red welt on his face for a couple of hours afterwards. Of course, he would be super mad at me, but he never hit me back (Thank God, because he was like 3 times my size and if he had hit me he probably would have knocked me unconscious.) The reason I did this to him was to try to get through his thick skull that I didn't want to even be around him. I found him to possess every male attribute that I detested. He kept comin...
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More On Neurotransmitters~Pt. 3
2007-02-10 22:23:00
Ok, since I can't find my book Addiction: From Biology to Drug Policy I'll relate some information on neurotransmitters from my notes on the lectures from that class. (I got a burst of energy late one night and just had to rearrange my entire bookcase.) So, I'll apologize in advance if the information is a bit jumbled. If any of you have taken classes on the college level and have taken notes, you'll know that lecture notes tend to hop around some because the professors hop from topic to topic, especially Psych. professors. Also, it might be a bit refreshing to have lecture notes instead of me just referencing text from a book. I know it's been nearly a month since I've posted the last actual information post, but I did drag out all of my Psych. books today in preparation for more consistent posts in this blog.Lecture Notes-1/31/06The communication between neurons, muscles and glands is chemical, not electrical.Neuromuscular JunctionSkeletal Muscle- Chemical signals from the b...
More About: Euro , More , Neurot , Trans , Mitt

Like Lemons? I Don't.
2007-02-10 22:06:00
Ever bought a car; been so excited about it and then have it start falling apart right after you get it? Don't answer that. I know you have. I have. I once bought a used Fiero and one thing after another kept falling off of it or going wrong with it. It was like I not only bought the car, but I bought some invisible gremlins to go along with it. That's not the only used car I've had troubles with. I had one more recently, that when I would turn the air/heat on at night (of course the headlights were on), the headlights would go out. Also, sometimes, when I was sitting at a stop sign or red light, the car would just magically shift from Drive into Neutral and then die. Eventually, the entire dashboard had to be taken out in order to fix those little problems. They were connected. Who knew? I didn't know one part of a car could operate without the other parts working correctly. I'm not bitter, though. The thing is I never had my cars checked out through a site like Lemon free.com....
More About: Lemons , Like , Mons

Neurotransmitters Pt. 2~ Chemical Transmission-A Bit Of History
2007-02-10 20:16:00
This my second post on Neurotransmitters. I found, as I reread my last post on this subject, that there were several parts I had to read twice (or more) to get them into my head even though this is a book I've read before. I seem to always find new things in books I reread. I don't know if this is because I don't pay enough attention the first time or if the author is just that clever. Maybe it's just that I hadn't had enough caffeine to put my brain in drive. Regardless, I think I'm going to try to make the text a little more plain just so that I can understand it better and I hope that anyone else who reads this might understand it better. It's very important to me for things to be understandable. I've read some books in school and on my own in which I thought the author was being paid by the word, just because the text was so wordy and the words so uber-scientific. I just think things should be said in the most uncomplicated way possible. I hope y'all don't mind. I'm n...
More About: History , Story , Euro , Miss , Stor

Neurotransmitters Pt. 1
2007-02-10 17:46:00
This was originally posted on my other blog Humanus Vegetalis. I'm slowly, but surely transferring those posts here because I got tired of having two blogs. I realized finally that I could post about all the things I think; things that go on in my life; things I've learned, and make money all on this blog. I just don't have time to maintain two blogs. Anyway, this was originally posted several months ago. I am not currently being weaned off of Klonopin since I have a new Psychiatrist.For the next few posts, I will be taking parts of text from a book called: Addiction: From Biology to Drug Policy in the hopes that by studying a bit about how our brains work, we might be able to understand a bit more about what goes on in that lump of gray matter and why we do some of the things we do when we are addicted to certain substances, be they legal or illegal. I am, for instance, at this point in my life addicted to Klonopin,(My psychiatrist prescribed this for my anxiety and panic attack...
More About: Euro , Neurot , Trans , Mitt , Mitte

Review My Post!
2007-02-10 05:23:00
The nice people in the ad network over at PayPerPost have just introduced a new way for posties and non-posties (but hopefully potential posties) to make money. It's called Review My Post. The details of it are basically: you click on the link I have put at the bottom of every one of my PayPerPost posts, review that post, and you get $7.50! How hard is that? It's a special offer created just for each individual that clicks on the link at the bottom of my posts. The idea here is that once you see how easy it is to make money with PayPerPost, you'll want to become a postie (member) and make even more money! Also, once you become a member, you can click on other folks' blogs who have those little "Review My Post" links, write a review of their post, and make money that way too. Pretty cool. Yes? This is easy money. All of my life I heard the "old adage" (I don't know how "old" it is really.) that there's a difference between working hard and working smart. This is working smart. ...
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Clonazapam (Klonopin)
2007-02-10 05:00:00
This is marketed by Roche Pharmaceuticals. Since I am taking it currently and am weaning myself off of it and am experiencing some withdrawal symptoms, I thought I'd post some info here about it for anyone else who is or has taken it and wanted more info on it. My withdrawal symptoms haven't been really severe. My hands shake a lot and my body shivers a lot, I'm more agitated/nervous and more likely to have a panic attack. I also am experienceing some confusion. Mostly this happens first thing in the morning and then I'm ok once I take my morning dosage. I went from taking 4-.5 pills/day to taking 3-.5 pills/day. One in the morning and two at night before bed. My psychiatrist has started me on the upward titration of Lamictal and I am at 100mg/day right now, but he wants me to eventually be at 200-250mg/day. He says that when I'm there, I won't need the Klonopin anymore. I hope he's right. I hate knowing that I'm addicted to something yet still have to take it. General info ...

I'm Makin' Money!
2007-02-10 04:32:00
I had never heard of consumer generated advertising until I came across Cat's blog where I saw she was doing posts for PayPerPost. So, I bookmarked the page and didn't think much about it and then a few weeks later, I was thinking about the fact that I needed some money and how to go about making some. It was then that I remembered about the PayPerPost link I had bookmarked. I thought, "I can actually just write about stuff on my blog and get paid for it? This is unreal." So, I got to setting up my account and I started posting! Some of my posts for PayPerPost and their titles have been, admittedly, odd. Considering that I'm odd...well, you get the picture. Right? I've done posts titled "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Gangster Had A Very Shiny Gun", "Does This Lock Make Me Look Fat?", "And The Heavens Opened And The Angels Sang Hallelujah". All of these and the many others that I've done have so far made me about $200.00 dollars (Well, to be exact $160.20, but I only need $40.00 more do...
More About: Money , Maki , Makin

Actuate The Net
2007-02-05 18:12:00
VR Hosted has now become Net Actuate. They have some new plans and programs for domain hosting since they've changed their name.First, about Net Actuate, they are an internet presence provider, specializing in highly redundant, load balanced, multi-homed architecture. As a staunch supporter of Open Source Projects, they provide architecture needs assessment and custom consulting services.For individuals, they offer web hosting plans for the beginner or expert user. Great for family sites, blogs, and more. A full control panel, with over 50 installable open source scripts, template sites, webmail, and secure email access are just starters. If you're looking for more control, their entry level Server Colocation options can provide you with enterprise level service, high bandwidth connectivity and SLA's usually reserved for large businesses.Photo Gallery HostingEasily share those great pictures from your new digital camera with friends and family.Domain RegistrationSSL CertificateSe...

I Thought Wax Was Only For Cars And Surfboards
2007-02-05 05:26:00
I know this is probably a personal question and I'm fixin' to get way T.M.I., but how do y'all remove your body hair? I'm old-fashioned. I just shave. I used to use shaving creams and whatnot, but I don't do that anymore. I just shave with water. I think I stopped using that extra stuff when I moved out on my own and figured out that I needed other things, like food and electricity, more than I needed shaving cream. When you don't make much money, it comes down to small things like that. But that's not what I really want to talk about. I'd like to hear y'all's horror stories with hair removal. I'm going to give mine. (I told you I was fixin' to go T.M.I.)When I was in high school the beauty companies were just starting to come out with all kinds of different Body hair removal products (I was concerned only with my legs. You know, tanning and all. Shorts and skirts were also a concern for me.) Now that I think about it, these different kinds of products were most probably...
More About: Cars , Thought

Cutting
2007-02-04 17:08:00
The reason I'm posting on this subject is that I'm a cutter. Well, I burn myself with a red hot knife, so I suppose that's burning/cutting. Regardless, it's self-mutilation and it's not a healthy behavior. The last time I cut/burned myself was over the Holidays. I haven't since, but God, I've wanted to. You know those little tapes you create in your head that speak to you and tell you to "just do it" or "you'll feel so much better". One part of my brain believes that "feel better" stuff, but the other part of me knows it's bullshit. Sometimes the bullshit wins. Sometimes not. I'm trying really, really hard to not self-mutilate. I can't say it won't happen again, but I can say that right now and hopefully for the rest of the day and night, it won't happen. I don't know about y'all, but I have to take life minute-by-minute as it comes at me. If anyone reads this and is a cutter, burner or you do any other kind of self-mutilation, please take advantage of the links I put...
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What's a Fly on a Wire?
2007-02-04 15:55:00
A Wire Fly! (Ok, I know that sounds like a kiddie joke you might find on a popsicle stick after you've eaten the popsicle, but I always kinda liked those. Reminds me of popsicles in the summer.)There is something I want to know, though. Why are cell phones so dang expensive? I think I paid something like $300.00 for the one I have now. I wish I could've found a place to buy it cheaper before I went to my cellular provider. You know, some people are good at finding deals on everything. I can find really good deals on shoes. That's about it. Cell phones are just out of my territory. For instance, I could've gotten:BlackBerry Pearl w/ myFavesThe super-slim, ultra-light BlackBerry Pearl for T-Mobile is the next class of BlackBerry device. Like all BlackBerry devices, the Pearl provides possibly the best on-the-go email solution for mobile professionals. But this new BlackBerry includes a good camera, a built-in music player and Bluetooth. Plus, you'll be amazed at the speed and accu...
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Classification Of Mood Disorders~More Discussion~
2007-02-03 14:48:00
Other Mood DisordersMood disorder due to a general medical condition is a disturbance characterized by either (or both) depressed mood or elevated or irritable mood as a direct result of a general medical condition. (For example, patients with serious medical conditions may exhibit insomnia, weight loss, and depression.) This disorder is diagnosed when the symptoms are serious enough to cause significant impairment in social or occupational functioning or marked distress. Substance-induced mood disorder is a prominent and persistent disturbance of mood (depression, mania, or both) attributable to the use of a substance or to the cessation of the substance use. Again, it is diagnosed when notable distress and impairment occur.Symptom Features and SpecifiersTo be more precise about the nature of mood disorders, DSM-IV-TR has listed certain characteristics that may be associated with these disorders. They are important symptom features that may accompany the disorders but are not crite...
More About: More , Class , Sion , Discussion , Order

Poetry Thursday
2007-02-01 21:40:00
I'm not exactly sure what the prompt is for this week's Poet ry Thursday , but from reading some of the other's poems for this week, it seems that it has something to do with math or mathematical proof equations. So, I've posted one of my original fractals to go with my poem today. Fractals are made by manipulating mathematical equations. It was discovered in 1988 that when certain mathematical equations are manipulated in certain ways, that they produced line, color, shadow, etc... I picked this particular fractal to illustrate my point according to the prompt this week that life is not a linear equation as I spoke about in response to Black Bank's poem I read earlier today in which I realized that in my answer, I figured out what I was going to do for this week's prompt. Weird how that works, isn't it?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Linear Equations Have Skint Nees_____________________________Chubby cheekshandsfingersreaching unsteadilyfor whateve...

Continuation of Discussion of Mood Disorders~Mood Disorders~Classification
2007-01-31 20:04:00
Mood disorders are largely divided into two major categories in DSM-IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, fourth edition): depressive disorders (often referred to as unipolar disorder) and bipolar disorder. Once a depressive or manic episode occurs, the disorder is classified into both a category and a subcategory.Depressive Disorders These include major depressive disorders, dysthymic disorder, and depressive disorders not otherwise specified. All of these disorder classifications include no history of a manic episode. People who experience a major depressive episode are given the diagnosis of major depression. Symptoms should have been present for at least two weeks and should represent a change from the individual's previous functioning. The symptoms of major depression include a depressed mood or loss of interest or pleasure, weight gain or loss, sleep difficulties, fatigue, feelings of worthlessness, inability to concentrate and recurrent thoughts of death. If the episode i...
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Wordless Wednesday
2007-01-31 19:03:00
Keith Richard's guitar-picture taken when I was in Dallas at the Hard Rock Cafe.
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Tuesday Afternoon Tunes
2007-01-30 19:18:00
Gel told me that she now loves Over The Rhine, so here's another for you, girl.Over The Rhine~WilloughbyBlue October~Drilled A Wire Through My CheekDamien Rice/Tori Amos~The Power Of Orange KnickersGEL had the great idea of getting together on Tuesday afternoons to share some music that we love. I've given the ones I'm loving today here, but if you want to leave links to your 3 songs for Tuesday After noon Tune s , that would be great! Go over to GEL's blog and let her know your links too! She would love it!

Thinner
2007-01-30 12:51:00
HBO debuted a documentary on 11/14/06, which focused on 4 women at the Renfrew Center Foundation who were undergoing inpatient treatment for eating disorders. It was powerful and I highly suggest anyone who has/had an eating disorder to see it or anyone who is dealing with someone they love who is afflicted with this dangerous disease. It's very honest; very raw and very heartfelt. It goes into the lives of these 4 women and you really get to know them and care about them. At least I did. I still have to deal with Anorexia/Bulimia on a daily basis, so it was a connection for me. Please see it.You can click on the link I provided to the HBO site and it will take you straight to the page of the documentary where there is a free preview video to watch and if you so choose, there is a place at the bottom of the page where you can buy the DVD. I don't have any money or else I would. I definitely would.I'm really hoping that HBO will re-air this program soon, so that more people can ge...

Women's Health: A View of Eating and Weight Problems
2007-01-29 14:46:00
Author UnknownWomen with eating and weight difficulties are obsessed with weight, scales, and mirrors. But the oppressive treatment of women over the course of history has undeniably contributed to the modern fad of self-destructive dieting. It is predominantly a woman?s problem - statistics dictate as much. Meanwhile, inasmuch as society has created the problem, society bears the responsibility for eradicating it. Otherwise it risks losing some of its best and brightest young women to a tenacious, maddening, and sometimes fatal treadmill.The old adage holds true...History repeats itself. The 20th century may boast remarkable strides toward equitable treatment for women; nevertheless, eating disorders thrive, the most recent in a long line of "women?s illnesses". Some researchers view eating disorders as akin to the fasting of medieval women saints, most notably Catherine of Siena. More closely related, though, are chlorosis, neurasthenia, and hysteria, illnesses afflicting women fr...
More About: Health , Weight , Problems , View , Problem

Jokeroos!
2007-01-29 14:19:00
There are somefunny videos at Joke roo.com to check out if you need a laugh today or any day! There are also some really interesting ones, like this video of what is supposed to be a prehistoric shark. I watched it and I've never seen anything like it before. Weird. It's in Japanese, so if you don't speak Japanese, you won't understand the commentary, but you don't really need to because the video is so...I don't know strange/weird/interesting. There is also a video originally from Headline News of Tiger Woods tackling a man who tried to steal his golf clubs! That one gave me a little good morning chuckle. I needed that. This post is sponsored by Joker oo.com.

Post Secret Sunday
2007-01-28 19:27:00
(edit: There was supposed to be a Post Secret Picture here, but for some reason, I can't find it. So, I'll just have to do without it.)Unfortunately, it is typical to make fun of people who are severely depressed. Since we are humans and eternally flawed, we tend to make fun of or deride things we don't understand. You might be surprised, however, to find out the huge number of elderly people who are severely depressed. I know my dad is, but he's so old-school that he won't even entertain the notion of talking to his doctor about anti-depressants. I think he just figures that's the price of getting older. I can surmise that a lot of older people feel this way as well. Honestly, I don't really know what to do about it. It's hard to tell your parents, "You know depression is genetically inherited. I got this from your genes. You're depressed, too." My dad self-medicates with alcohol mostly and sometimes prescription drugs-headache medicine or some other medicine for insomnia....
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Mood Disorders~The Symptoms of Depression and Mania~Mania
2007-01-28 17:53:00
Symtoms of ManiaAffective Symptoms In mania, the person's mood is elevated, expansive, or irritable. Social and occupational functioning is impaired, as shown in the following case: Alan was a forty-three-year-old unmarried computer programmer who had led a relatively quiet life until two weeks before, when he returned to work after a short absence for illness. Alan seemed to be in a particularly good mood. Others in the office noticed that he was unusually happy and energetic, greeting everyone at work. A few days later, during the lunch hour, Alan bought a huge cake and insisted that his fellow workers eat some of it. At first everyone was surprised and amused by his antics. But two coleagues working with him on a special project became increasingly irritated because Alan didn't put any time into their project. He just insisted that he would finish his part in a few days. On the day the manager had decided to tell Alan of his colleagues' concern, Alan behaved in a deliriou...
More About: Depression , Sion , Order , Disorders