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Wiping Up Snot

Wiping Up Snot
I am a stay at home mother to two children who are like night and day. This is their story. And mine. And my husband's. And a bit about my designer bag fetish, too. But, mostly its about the kids. Sometimes.

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Your Feed Reader Will Explode In 2.3 Seconds
2008-03-12 13:58:00
There are still a lot of you out there subscribed to this feed (yeah, I'm talkin' to YOU), so I wanted to say one last time CLICK HERE to subscribe to my NEW and IMPROVED feed! I'm canceling my typepad account at the end of this week, so this blog/feed will be no more. What happens to your feed reader when I delete this feed before you've had a chance to subscribe to my new feed? It explodes, thats what. (Also, how many times did I say feed in this one post? My god.)
More About: Reader , Feed , Explode , Seconds

Psst...
2008-01-09 22:20:00
I dunno if you've noticed or not, but I'VE MOVED. Come visit?

PLEASE UPDATE YOUR FEEDS. And Merry Christmas, too.
2007-12-19 20:36:00
'Tis the season of giving. And I give to you my brand spanking new feed. For my brand spanking new Wordpress site. Now, go subscribe to THIS feed. Because this one that your looking at right now is about to disappear. (If you subscribed yesterday, well, do it again please, because I had some issues that I would explain except that I can't because did I mention yet that I am dumb? I am dumb.)
More About: Christmas , Update , Merry Christmas

I'm Going To Miss You Guys...
2007-12-17 20:31:00
But its time for me to say goodbye. What? Don't cry. I'm not LEAVING. I'm MOVING. Come visit me, mkay? And don't forget to update your feeds! And your blogroll, too, if you don't mind! Love ya, miss ya, mean it!
More About: Miss , Guys , Miss You

He's All Mine Ladies
2007-12-17 00:54:00
The kids were at church with their grandma this morning, so Cleatus and I planned on going out to lunch together. As we were getting ready I asked him where he wanted to go, which is usually a question that causes an argument. Neither of us ever want to decide and always fight to make the other be the decision maker. C: "Lets go have sex. I'll decide when we're done." Me, whining: "But, I don't wanna!" C: "Okay. But, I'm not deciding." Me, triumphant: "Fine, I choose Fiesta!" Fiesta is my favorite Mexican restaurant. Cleatus hates it. That is what he gets for making me decide. Asshole.While we were at Fiesta I made a comment about how stubborn he was and that he should have just chosen somewhere else. C: "I was just trying to do something that all married couples do every day." Me, thinking: "...Compromise?" C: No! Have sex! I was just trying to have sex!" Horny little bastard, isn't he? By the way, I got my new camera on Friday (and paid up on Sa...
More About: Mine , Ladies

A Little Christmas Story
2007-12-13 22:25:00
I asked Eeyore to write a Christmas story in his journal this morning. This is the result:The toys are all gone cried the elves! Santa askd "Wear are they"? The elvs said "we delvrd them." thay said with a sigh. Santa said "Why?" The elves said "we don't know"! Y'all. I know this little story is short and doesn't really have an ending. I know that his spelling isn't the best ever. I know that he is putting punctuation outside of the quotes. BUT PEOPLE. This child is seven years old. And he is using quotes. And saying things like "thay said with a sigh." With a sigh. That right there? Turns me into a big ol' puddle of love.
More About: Story

Chocolate McPeanutbutterface
2007-12-12 19:02:00
Next year would someone please remind me that I am not, in fact, Martha Stewart? There is no reason for me to bake a hundred and one different types of cookies. The only person that is going to eat them is me. Sure, my kids will spend their days begging for JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE, ONE MORE LITTLE COOKIE, CAN I JUST LICK THE COOKIES, MAMA, I NEED MORE SUGAR! like the the little sugar addicts they are, but for some reason I feel the need to feed them healthy food and so I will repeatedly say no, no, NO MORE DAMN SUGAR until my throat bleeds and then I will sneak to the kitchen and eat all the rest of the cookies just to shut them up. (Hello, my name is Karly and I speak in run-on sentences.) I'm pretty sure that it was not Jesus' intention to make all the people of the world fat as a way to celebrate his birth. Therefore, this Christmas baking thing should be put to an end. So far (and I say "so far" because, contrary to the previous two paragraphs, I'm not sure I'm f...
More About: Chocolate

Bride and Groom
2007-12-11 16:41:00
Cleatus and I got married seven and a half years ago. I was eighteen, he was nineteen, and Eeyore was three months old. We were married at the courthouse. At the time it was all that I wanted. I didn't want to get married while I was pregnant, so we decided to wait until after Eeyore was born. We ended up getting married so quickly after because, to be honest, our car insurance payment was more than we could afford and our insurance agent told us that it would drop by over half if we got married. (It went fr om three hundred dollars a month with Geico to one hundred a month with State Farm after we were married. Dear Jesus, Geico does NOT save you money. No matter what that little green dude says. Amen.) Yes, we are a romantic couple. We wed so that we could afford car insurance. We married at the courthouse. I wore a blue dress from JC Penny's. Cleatus borrowed one of his brother's dress shirts. I went to a cheap-y place to have my hair down and was so embarrassed about ...
More About: Bride

(I'm A) Ho-Ho-Ho!
2007-12-10 19:54:00
Saturday night was Cleatus's company Christmas party. This is only our second year at this company and the first year he didn't know more than 10 people. This year he knew about the same amount. After he got his promotion he moved to a new area and is just getting to know the people there. I hate meeting new people, but there was one guy that I couldn't wait to meet. You see, a few weeks ago Cleatus was telling him how I had been whining asking for a new camera for Christmas and this guy told him that he would buy it for me. I wanted to meet Larry to ask him where my camera was and when Cleatus introduced us the first thing Larry said was "I almost brought my camera to show you whats in store for you." His wife was all huh uh, beeyotch, my husband isn't buying you a damn camera. Whatever. She's just jealous. (She really didn't say that, she was very nice about it and let me down gently.) Later in the evening I mentioned to Cleatus that I would be happy to work for t...

A Poll...
2007-03-23 16:00:00
Its 6am or 7am or, hell, its 10am and your just waking up and heading to the bathroom to get in the shower. You turn on the water, letting it heat up, and begin to brush your teeth. You finish brushing just as the bathroom is filling with steam. You strip out of your pajamas and put your towel on the towel rack next to the shower. You pull the shower curtain back and put your hand inside. The temperature is perfect. You step inside. Ah, the shower feels wonderful beating down on your back, running through your hair. But, wait. The warm running water makes you realize that you forgot to pee before getting in the shower. What do you do? Do you just stand in the shower and let it go? After all, there is water flowing down the drain already. Whats it going to hurt adding a little urine to the mix? OR do you open the shower curtain, step out into the cool bathroom, dripping all over the rug, and quickly pee in the toilet? After all, the toilet is there for a reason! Chad and I had a ...
More About: Poll

The birthday is coming, the birthday is coming!
2007-03-22 19:36:00
Elijah is going to be seven in a few weeks. SEVEN! Good God, when did I get old enough to have a seven year old child? Anyway, at Christmas he asked for a trampoline. We told him to wait until his birthday since it would be warm enough for him to play on it then. Well...now we either have to buy him a trampoline or convince him to get something else. I'm okay with the trampoline, so long as it has an enclosure and only one kid is on it at a time. But, come on! How fun is it to have just one kid on at a time? Not very. SO, I was thinking. What about one of those inflatable bounce houses? Like this. Only problem is that Chad doesn't know me very well and thinks that I am to irresponsible to deflate it and fold it up and put it away thinks it will be a pain in the ass to put away, so I NEED YOUR HELP. Do y'all have one of these? Are they difficult to put away? (Remember, I dislike having to open my car doors. Will this be too much work for me?) Help.
More About: Birthday , Birth , Ming

When They Aren't Scratching Each Other's Eyes Out...
2007-03-22 17:53:00

More About: Eyes , Other , They , Scratching , When

Random Thoughts Bouncing Around My Head
2007-03-21 21:53:00
Have you ever eaten a Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell? They aren't on the menu anymore, but if you ask, they'll make it for you. Those are the best effing things I've ever had. Seriously. Cheesy, crunchy, chewy, ooey, gooey yumminess. Think outside the bun. (No, I'm not getting paid for this. I just happen to love Taco Bell with all of my heart.) We are planning on listing our house pretty soon and have been pretty worried that the amount we need to sell it for is a bit more than people are willing to pay. I've had many a dream of people walking in the door, laughing, and leaving. Or spitting on us and then leaving. Either way, no sale. Just the other day a little house down the road from us was listed. I checked the listing sheet and it has one less bedroom than us, our lot is probably 3 times the size of theirs, and ours has been completely updated and since they are old and the list sheet didn't mention any updates I assume they haven't made any. And, HOLY MARY MOTHE...
More About: Random Thoughts , Random , Thoughts , Thought , Head

Fart Bombs and Such...
2007-03-20 15:49:00
The 18th was my birthday. I am officially old. The gray hair? It now belongs on my head. I can no longer look at it and think WHAT THE HELL? I now have to think well, at least I don't have a lot of wrinkles and or, you know, a hump in my back and a wheel chair. When Chad turned 25 I made the mistake of mentioning how everyone knows that you round up from 5 to 10 which would really make him not 25 but 30. I said that when I was 23. I am now 25. And can you guess what he said to me this morning? Good morning, my 30 year old wife. Thirty. I am officially old. For my birthday, my mom and I went on a shopping trip up to Gurnee Mills Mall in Gurnee, IL. Gurnee Mills is a big old outlet mall, but its indoors, so we thought that'd be nice with all the craptastic weather. That mall is the largest effing thing I've ever been in. It took hours to get from one end to the other. They had lots of good stores, but lots of not so good stores, too. And CROWDED. God, was it crowded! Every time...
More About: Bomb , Fart , Such , Bombs

The Girliest Girl In All The Land
2007-03-19 16:00:00
It was my birthday yesterday. To celebrate, my mom and I went on a shopping trip up to Gurnee, IL. I'll update you with pictures of my mom (AKA Doom and Gloom) showing off her Easter dress and fill ya in on The G reat Fart Bomb of Gurnee. Check back later for all that fun. For now, I have pictures of Emma trying on some of her new clothes. And shoes. Can't forget the shoes. What do you think? Does this dress make me look fat?
More About: Girl , Land , Lies , The Girl

Baby shit mustard WHAT?
2007-03-18 16:56:00
To the person who googled "baby shit mustard husband sandwich" all I have to say is this: WHAT THE FUCK? And to the person who googled ""in the balls" fetish blog" you are seriously effed up. And you will not find what you are looking for here. Unless what you are looking for is a good, hard kick in the balls. If that is the case, come on over. To the person who googled ""truth or dare" birthday party bedroom suck" all I have to say is this: I get the fist part, but the bedroom suck? Never played, don't wanna. And to you, dear freak, who searched for "she kicked his balls until they busted." I wish I had someone's balls to kick until they busted. I'm sure it would be a great stress reliever. (All of these in the last two days.)
More About: Baby , What , Hat , Star , Shit

WOOT?
2007-03-15 21:48:00
I have done you all a favor. Kiss my feet. Okay, okay. Thats enough. Let me share with you what I have done. You know how some people (like every blogger in the world?) says WOOT or wOOt when they are excited? Well. I didn't know what the eff that meant. Sure, I assumed that it was similar to YAY or (for some stupid reason) yAy! But, I didn't know for sure. And, if you are dumb stupid slow like me and new to this blogging thang then maybe you don't know either. Hence, the link to the DEFINITION. Praise Jesus, I know what it means! wOOt! (Though I promise not to say that ever again, because I think it is slightly retarded sounding.)
More About: Woot

Spring Fever
2007-03-14 17:30:00
You know that winter lasted to long if, when you give your son a pair of shorts to wear to school, he tries pulling them up and then stops to say "Mom, these jeans are to short for me." Um, those are called SHORTS.
More About: Spring , Ring , Ever , Fever

The One Drawback To Owning A Mini-Van
2007-03-12 03:39:00
(Alternately titled: I Promise To Shuddup About This Mini -Van Soon!) I am an idiot took the kids grocery shopping with me this afternoon. I was pretty excited to go, because it meant I got to DRIVE! MY! COOL! NEW! VAN! and, um, thats cause for celebration! So, I loaded up the kids and off we went to Wal-Mart. The minute we exited the van Elijah started talking. And talking. And talking. He did not stop talking until I duct taped his mouth shut oh, thats right. He never stopped talking. The produce section, the bread aisle, the Mexican foods aisle, the dairy section, the freezer section, the whole god damn store. Jabber jabber jabber. I honestly don't even know what the hell he was talking about. It was just constant mind-numbing poke your eyeballs out talking about NOTHING. Needless to say by the time we were done shopping I was less than thrilled with myself for choosing to take the kids shopping with me just because I wanted to DRIVE! THE! VAN! right then and couldn't wait a...
More About: Back , Draw , The O

Reason I Love My Husband Number 721
2007-03-10 16:04:00
When Elijah was born I stayed home with him for a year and a half. I don't know how we had money to eat we were so broke, but we made it happen. We ruined our credit in the process, but we made it happen. One day, I saw an ad for a job that paid fairly well and I called about it. They interviewed me and hired me on the spot. To celebrate we bought Chad a truck. It was a 95 Ford Ranger, nothing special, but still very exciting to Chad who was driving a beat up old Camaro from his teenage days. (Who am I kidding? He was just 20 when we bought this truck. Barely outta those teenage days.) We still have that truck to this day. Six and a half years and we were finally ready to sell it and get a nice, reliable family car stupid extended cab truck so that we would all four be able to fit in it. And then our Intrepid broke down. We went car shopping yesterday and we looked and we looked and we weren't having much luck. We finally came across a Grand Am and talked the dealer down to w...
More About: Band , Usb , Love , Numb , Reason

Its my party and I'll cry if I wanna.
2007-03-08 22:50:00
And, oh boy, do I wanna. Today I went shopping at Old Navy. I love Old Navy. Makes me happy to be there. It does not, however, make me happy to sit in their parking lot for 30 minutes because my piece of shit car will not start. So, after making 100 phone calls and securing a ride home, my car starts. Hallelujah! Driving home and all is well. Until I get to my exit and my car starts sputtering like its running out of gas. Hmm, thats odd. I have over a half a tank of gas. Oh, wait, whats that ding? Oh, the little check engine light just dinged at me and came on. Damn. By that point I was only about 15 minutes from home. I was going to make it. I was so close. And then. And then it stopped. And I had to sit pulled over on the side of the road, pretending to talk on my cell phone, because the minute I put it down other motorists would stop and ask if I needed help. So. There I sat. After my mother in law came and picked me up and my father in law looked at the car we got the ba...
More About: Party , Anna , Part

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