Oh, The JoysOh, The JoysWhere the mother of two toddlers who are only 15 months apart thrills you with tales of the mundane from the House of Joy where every day is the same. Articles
Proposition
2009-05-26 03:53:00 Peter sidled up beside me while I sat on the curb.I was watching my children burn off the last of their jet fuel on the playground."Want to have dinner with me?" Peter asked.I looked straight into his large, very blue eyes.I noticed that his lips were as full as Angelina Jolie's.Peter took another step towards me."I have macaroniand Arthur," he said with confidence.A grin spread across my face.How could I resist a proposition like this?"It's bug shaped macaroni!" Peter said, leaning in close to my ear."I'd love to eat with you," I said smiling.Peter, my daughter's three year old classmate, beamed.
Left Handed
2009-05-19 03:30:00 The Rooster is left handed.I didn't think anyone else in our family was left handed until my father recently told me that his mother was a lefty.My best friend from high school, who is left handed, taught me to associate being left-handed with being artistic.I'm not sure if that is a myth or if it is true.My father's mother, my grandmother, wasn't someone that I'd describe as an artist, though she was gifted in the art of crochet.Artistic or not, my left handed Rooster spends a lot of time thinking about colors."Do white and red make pink?" she asks?"Does red and blue make purple?"While The Mayor painstakingly labors over detailed renderings of the world around him, The Rooster draws in quick, bold strokes.Great swaths of color combine with unlikely companions to form patterns and shapes that I wouldn't expect to appreciate, but I always do.Maybe it's just because I am her mother that I admire her artwork.I prefer to imagine that she sees the world through a different lens th... More About: Left , Collage
You've Been A Friend To Me
2008-06-08 20:07:00 When my friend Matthew heard about my Granny’s death and how I was there with her in the end, he wrote me a note that said,“If, when I die, it is with my grandchild holding my hand, stroking my hair and singing to me, I think that I will have had the best death possible.”Though I knew what he meant, I couldn’t see it that way at the time.Nothing about it felt like a good death.I wasn't at all prepared to stand by her side.She was stolen from me, too soon.Oh come ye back My own true love And stay a while with meIf I had a friend All on this earth You’ve been a friend to me -- Mary Chapin CarpenterToday, because he loves it, I cut cantaloupe for The Mayor’s lunch. This one was ripe and sweet, just right.Sneaking a piece from his lunch plate, I was immediately reminded of my grandparents. Though tobacco is the primary crop in the area, cantaloupe also grows in abundance on the farms near my Granny and Ady’s house. The taste of it reminds me of summers at their h... More About: Friend
Anatomy Lesson
2008-06-06 03:39:00 The Mayor spoke excitedly in all caps..."MOM! GUESS WHAT?""What, Mayor?""THERE ARE NO BONES IN HAIR!!""That's right, Mayor! There aren't any bones in hair!"Oh, my brilliant child!"THERE AREN'T ANY BONES IN YOUR HAIR! NOT EVEN IN YOUR HAIR MUSCLES."[Sigh.]Oh, my brilliant child! More About: Anatomy , Lesson
Get Up, Stand Up
2008-06-04 18:01:00 Attention all drama queens!Are you going to Blogher?Have you heard about the Blogher Community Keynote?Would you find it TOO FABULOUS to give a live reading of one of your posts?Then, Diva Guuuurrrrl, you should submit a post for the keynote session.Twenty blog posts will be read aloud by the authors during this key note session.How cool is that?I'm participating by helping to review the submissions in the parenting category.(Because I am, of course, a parenting GENIUS.)There will be five categories of submissions/readings:Best Rant Blogging About Blogging Humor Letter to My Body ParentingIf you'd like to participate, submit your favorite post (one that can be read in two to three minutes) in any of the above categories. Your submission should include:Your Name (as you'd like it to be published/announced);Your Blog URL;The URL for the post you are submitting; andThe Category for which you are suggesting the post.Send your submission to all four general committee members listed be... More About: Stand Up , Stand , Stand-Up
Shenaynay Soccer Mom
2008-05-30 03:45:00 The first e-mail was from The Mayor's soccer coach... Dear Team, Our final game is Saturday at 12:30 on field 10. Are you interested in staying after the game to have a picnic?Let me know what you guys want to do...See you Saturday, The Coach Another team member's mother was the first to respond... Hi team! Since the game is so late, I am sure everyone will have eaten lunch by then. What if the snack person brings cupcakes for a little party? I think that is a good idea, but I won't be able to be there. My parents are bringing my daughter. Thanks, Her Mom Um, excuse me? What if the snack person brings cupcakes???!!! Can you guess whose turn it is to BE the snack person? Hi. Oh, I know she didn't just volunteer me to BAKE on a Saturday morning.[Do you see my head rotating on my neck all She-nay-nay-like?] Let's see... how should I phrase my response?Dear Her Mom, Thank you so much for taking over as snack person this week!How generous of you to volunteer to ma... More About: Soccer
Parade
2008-05-28 13:54:00 In the morning, K and I routinely face the Star Wars vs. Cars underwear selection conundrum, the slow dribbling of cereal milk down the front of clean shirts and the guaranteed arguments about brushing teeth. When we finally (and miraculously) herd The Mayor and The Rooster out the door for the morning commute, they ask,"Which instrument are you going to be?"K and I have to choose.We can pick the drums, the tuba, the trumpet... any instrument that strikes our fancy.Then The Mayor and The Rooster organize us into a line and we march.Single file we march out the back door, down the steps and all the way to the car, all the while imitating the sound of the instruments we have chosen.The morning struggles are forgotten and every day begins with a parade. More About: Family , Parade
So Behind...
2008-05-27 19:51:00 Ack!I am behind.The Family Joy went to the beach for Memorial Day weekend...But now I find myself BURIED under pile of work responsibilities.The best I can offer you?Our beach photos... More About: Travel , Work
Thumb and Four Fingers
2008-05-22 14:13:00 Last night before bed, I read The Rooster a book about Gorillas."Primates have one thumb and four fingers on each hand," we learned.The Rooster held up her right hand and counted.Amazed at the result, she held up her left hand and counted.Her eyes widened, sparkling."Mommy," she exclaimed, "I AM A PRIMATE!!!""Yes!" I said. "You are a primate.""And YOU are a primate!""Yes.""The Mayor is a primate, too!"She went on to name every person we have ever met.All of them are primates!Imagine that!Good morning, primates! More About: Thumb , Fingers
Pillow Talk of the Married
2008-05-21 14:22:00 The Mayor has a big, lima bean shaped head.Last night as I lay in bed, I reached up to feel my own head.[Oh, what? You never feel your head?]“I have a lima bean shaped head,” I said to K. “I guess that’s where he gets it from.”K reached over and felt my huge brain container the bulbous back of my head.“You DO have a lima bean shaped head,” he said mirthfully.I looked at him.“Well. So? You have a HUGE block head.”“Legume!” he taunted.“Oaf!” I retorted.Oh, the love. More About: Talk , Pillow , Married
Pomp & Circumstance
2008-05-20 14:00:00 The Rooster, who is two years old, graduated yesterday.There was a ceremony at her daycare center.In the fall, she'll move from the two year old room to the three year old room.Which is, ironically, in the same actual room.[But on the other side of the tall bookshelf.]The Mayor graduated too. He's movin' on up to Pre-K.[Though he was not awarded a DELUXE apartment in the sky.]The kids sang fabulous songs in a wide range of decibel levels and each of them brought unique interpretation to the choreography.I was sitting in the front row so they could see me grinning.After The Mayor and The Rooster completed their valedictorian speeches got their graduation certificates, they came to sit with me.The whole event was outside in one of the school's courtyards.One of the school staff members had gone to a lot of trouble to put together a slide show of photos of all the kids as the grand finale.Unfortunately, the sun was still shining brightly and the images were almost invisible on the...
Just Ask Her
2008-05-16 21:36:00 She planted herself in front of us this morning teetering on her twisted legs like a tree swaying in the wind.Her teeth trapped her bottom lip inside her mouth.With elbows locked, she held her thumbs and forefingers outstretched. Her remaining fingers curled into her palms giving her the appearance of a gunslinger. A strap around her neck held a laptop sized key board with a built in screen for reading digital text.Like most mornings, she stared at us with something like defiance or urgency? or something else.Upon encountering her, both The Mayor and The Rooster grabbed one of my hands and snuggled against my legs.Despite having drawn close, they were both wide-eyed with curiosity.They see her everyday but have never said anything about her.Though she?s a teenager, her mother drops her off at The Mayor and The Rooster?s daycare every morning, presumably because it opens and hour earlier than the high school.I think she has cerebral palsy, but I?ve never asked.She can walk but to co... More About: Motherhood , Reflection
At Home with Ram Dass
2008-05-15 15:45:00 K was moving to a town called Somewhere Colder.Have you heard of it?[It's north of here.]For all thirteen years that I've known him, he's been on the verge of moving there.[Or to Spain.]Because of his imminent move, he has always been hesitant to commit to this place or to invest in anything close to permanence.Build an addition on our house?Perish. The. Thought.Why would we build an addition when we are moments away from The Big Move?[Not THIS kind of big move, toilet head.]Anyway, moves (and movements) aside, K has all of a sudden decided to live here now.It's his new motto.Live here, now.He's decided to treat this town like home.He's been scheduling appointments with a realtor in order to find what he calls "our last house," the one we'll stay in until the end of this story."I only have one move left in me," he says.Friends raise their eyebrows skeptically."Why now? What about the economy? Surely you don't want to get involved in the housing market now?!" they say.I shak... More About: Home
Sleeping with Diana Ross
2008-05-14 14:30:00 "Mama! Mama!" she cried.The digital clock in our bedroom read 4:45 a.m.I hurried to The Rooster's room to quiet her so she didn't wake The Mayor."I want you," she said with arms outstretched.I climbed into her tiny toddler bed and rubbed her back until she fell back to sleep.When I heard her breath rise and fall in a steady rhythm I tried to sneak back to my own bed, but she called for me again.She left me no choice but to squeeze in next to her on the bed's crib mattress.I fought for my share of the covers and a comfortable position.I somehow managed to fall asleep and stayed there until K came in and whispered that breakfast was ready.I gently nudged The Rooster."Breakfast is ready, sweet girl. Time to get up," I said.She flipped onto her side, threw me a squinty look and, from out of nowhere demanded,"Breakfast in bed!" Next she'll be asking for a cocktail umbrella in her sippy cup and cereal service on the lanai.Oh, the DIVA More About: Sleeping , Diana Ross , Diana , Sleep , Ross
Awakenings
2008-05-13 03:05:00 I have this bizarre faith that when my children are sleeping they are actually hard at work growing gynormous brains.When they sleep late in the mornings, the world seems GLORIOUS.Freakish as it is, my children rarely sleep late on weekends.[What is that about? I?m thinking it's a dag gam CONSPIRACY!]Regardless, I facking HATE to wake them.Sleep ON, my sleepy sleepers!Alas, sometimes The Mayor and The Rooster have to be roused from bed..On weekdays, K?s got a train to catch and I have a standing date with the cabana boy lap lanes at the pool.My hindquarter has lately realized it's potential as a life-saving, inflatable device and I MUST swim.But oh, to wake them...-sigh-My mom used to come into my bedroom and ask me to get up in the mornings.After asking me 1,000 times, she?d send in my Father.My Dad would stand at the end of my bed and grab a handful of my covers.Then he would VIOLENTLY RIP THEM FROM MY BED.FACK!!!Startle much?Oh, how I hated that.For the last few mornings I?ve ... More About: Family , Motherhood , Memories
A Small Dose of Acceptance
2008-05-10 04:00:00 For the last seven months I?ve been a hermit, holed up on my own and keeping to myself.[You know, doing the whole grief thing.]Sometime in the recent past I noticed streams of stubborn, persistent sunlight sneaking through the slats of my down-turned window blinds. Curious, I opened the front door with squinted and adjusting eyes to see that my entire yard was full of people.At first I hurried back inside and shut the door. Oh, my GOD! Who ARE all those people and what are they doing in my yard?!!Gradually I went out among them.They invited us to their houses for dinners and play dates and we invited them back...They made us laugh.They have us out and about, walking around our neighborhood."Let's go on an adventure!" The Rooster says. I like thinking of our walks that way.The other day we were strolling up a quiet, neighborhood street hand in hand letting the perfect evening breeze billow all around us.I beamed, feeling happy.I thought about the new people in our lives and the acc... More About: Family , Faith , Small , Memories , Reflection
Medical Femininity
2008-05-07 14:15:00 My friend was talking to her nine year old son about what he wanted to be when he grew up."How about being a doctor," she asked.Her son rolled his eyes."I CAN'T be a DOCTOR, Mom! I'm not a GIRL!!"She was stunned.That her son's experience of doctors is entirely female says a lot about the professional strides women have made.Still, the notion of progress is called into question in that it remains anathema for a boy to envision himself in a role he perceives as inherently female. More About: Medical , Reflection
On The Sidelines
2008-05-06 12:44:00 K wasn't feeling well, so I took Roo to The Mayor's soccer game on Saturday.I taught her to yell,"GO, MAYOR, GO!!"The Mayor goes all right.He runs hell for leather from one end of the field to the other and back again following the miniature soccer herd.The Mayor appears to be studying the kids with the ball while running, but he never attempts to get it himself.He just runs. In earnest.The Rooster grew bored of her brother's soccer game."I wanna swing, Mama!"The swings, so nearby... the injustice of a mother who makes you watch your brother's soccer game![Sigh.]I plied her with snacks as a distraction strategy.But between mouthfuls of raisins, apple and crackers, Roo turned to say,"I wanna swing!"I tickled her.She took a long pull on her sippy cup.I snuggled my face into her neck.She giggled and kept drinking.Bluebirds flew down from the heavens, landed on our shoulders and whistled happy tunes.Dude. There were RAINBOWS.I told The Rooster I loved her.It was freakin' beautiful... More About: Soccer
Perfect Gifts
2008-05-05 19:51:00 In about a month, The Mayor will be four.My mom called yesterday asking what he might like for his birthday.Thinking about it today, I emailed K asking for his ideas.My e-mail looked like this: Subject: Mayor Birthday Gift Ideas...???Ikea Bunk Bed? Chapter Books? Membership to the Aquarium?And K, my darling husband's list of ideas came back like this: Subject: RE: Mayor Birthday Gift Ideas...??? Dar Vader suit (The Mayor's version of Darth) Jet Eye (What The Mayor thinks is being said when the word "Jedi" is used.) Giant piece of cinnamon toast Jar of dill pickles All-day pajamas All-season tank tops (fleece-lined and such) Pet T-Rex Pet Great White Shark T-Rex Underwear Great White Shark Underwear Dar Vader Underwear Season tickets to baseball Weekly haircut A fire truck A dog No one understands a nearly four-year-old boy quite like his father, eh? More About: Gifts , Perfect
Her Bad Chicky Chicken Shower
2008-05-04 20:50:00 My friends Her Bad Mother, Mrs. Chicky, and Mrs. Chicken are about to learn that one plus one equals much more than two when we're talking about short and loud people children.I'm proud to honor their transition from pseudo-sanity to total and utter madness as part of their virtual baby shower by contributing my useless two cents hard earned wisdom.House of Joy Rules forSurviving the Transition from One to Two ChildrenNeither parent is allowed to leave the other alone with both children until the second child is eighteen months old.[Don't. Leave. Me. Alone. Noooooooooo!]The "three-second rule" automatically switches to the five-ten-fifteen minute rule.[Whatever it takes, sister. Think, "Go little immune system, GO!]The greatest threat to the new baby in the house is the other baby in the house. Set your personal auto play button to the word "NO!" and be prepared to keep it playing on repeat.Sigh a lot.Using your sarcastic voice, say things like this to your husband,"Oh, the eff... More About: Friends , Blogging , Shower
Radio OTJ
2008-05-02 16:30:00 I don't review any products on this blog.However, today I can not get myself together to write a post because I have been screwing around for DAYS on Seeqpod. Have you used that site?You type in any artist or band in the search bar and it finds all of their music on the internet.You add whatever you want to your playlist and it plays all.I am in love.Also?You can e-mail your playlists to your friends or put a widget on your BLOG.Oh. Mah. Got.Tell me what bands or songs to check out. I'm all OVER it!! More About: Radio , Music
Body & Spirit
2008-05-01 13:05:00 Last Friday Elke and Michael invited us to dinner and afterwards they turned on a movie so that the short and loud people would go slack for a while.We had a fascinating discussion about what each of us wants to happen to our bodies after we die.[To hell with small talk!]Michael said he wanted to be buried in a cemetery next to Elke, but Elke wanted to be cremated and to have her ashes scattered.K was unsure and I was ambivalent."Why does it matter?" I asked. We talked about various deaths in each of our families and how they were handled.*****Michael recently buried his great uncle in a community cemetery where he's surrounded by other deceased friends and family members.Michael is comforted by the thought of this as his uncle's final resting place.He imagines his uncle at home in a place where his eternal neighbors are souls that he knew and loved throughout his life.*****Elke?s mother died of lung cancer three years ago.Bucking Jewish tradition, Elke honored her mother?s last ... More About: Family , Friends , Body , Reflection , Spirit
Perfect Post Awards
2008-05-01 13:00:00 Have you been to Ivy Brown's Stoop?It's a great place to sit and listen to a story.Like this one.Perfect Post , no?Oh, but the YES!Next month you can easily recognize a perfect post with this award.All you need to do is e-mail Mamma K -- Petroville(at)gmail(dot)com -- and ask her to put you on the Perfect Post mailing list.She'll e-mail you every month when it's time to send in your Perfect Post pick. See all the Perfect Posts at Petroville or Suburban Turmoil. More About: Awards , Blogging
Sweet Dreams
2008-04-30 16:00:00 A while back The Mayor woke in the middle of the night screaming.Bad dreams.K went to The Mayor's room to check on him and found him stirring restlessly between sleep and wakefulness."Are you okay, Mayor?" K asked."I had a scary dream, Daddy" The Mayor said."Hmmm," K thought. "You know what I can do? I can put a special necklace around your neck to protect you.""Okay," The Mayor agreed.K fastened the invisible protection around The Mayor's neck."This necklace is made entirely out of my love and it will keep you safe from bad dreams," K told The Mayor. "They won't bother you now. Go back to sleep, my sweet boy."The Mayor closed his eyes and didn't wake again until morning.Last night, K tucked The Mayor in to bed and, as he was leaving the room, he said,"Sweet dreams, Mayor.""Dad?" The Mayor called after him."Yes, Mayor?" K said leaning back into the room."I've still got my necklace on."When K told me this story I asked him to fasten one around my neck too.We're all wearing ... More About: Family , Dreams , Sweet Dreams
The People's Party
2008-04-29 13:00:00 Just in case you didn't figure it out yesterday, six of us got together and organized a pre-blogher party... for everyone.You don't have to be a newbie, you don't have to have published a book, you can wear whatever you want...This party is...The People's Party .[Viva, la Gente!]You're TOTALLY invited.[And then some.]The People's PartyThursday, July 17, 2008Eight O'ClockThe Elizabethan RoomThe Westin, San FranciscoPotty treats Party treats and libations will be plentifully supplied courtesy of The People's Party sponsors.[Oh, how you will partake in their goodness!]So, chant with me now..."Power to The People!""Power to The Party!""The People's Party Untied (oops) United!"[hiccup!]Y'all come now, you hear?!!You know you want to meet this cah-razy woman...Will you be there?Spread the word, Comrades!Invite all the Bloganistas!Grab this button:Here's the code:Don't forget to hop over here and let us know if you're coming.We need to make sure we have enough martini olives an...
Teaser 3
2008-04-28 17:00:00 Look, do me a favor and start at the beginning.Got that?Great.Now you need to read this.Oh, you're back?Just in time, because you need to see this:Want details?You need to visit my partners in crime here and here and then you can be part of it all here.If this is too much of a pain in your hindquarter, I'll publish the full scoop tomorrow.Right now?I must take to the bed to rest up for the hot, blogher action promised me by Frau Bloggessenstein.] More About: Teaser
1970's Movie Goer
2008-04-25 14:30:00 Catherine is it again with the Friday Flashback writing prompts.Today's theme is... well... let's just say that Catherine is really pregnant at this point and the theme is something about movies of your youth, the first movie you remember seeing or a movie that moved you as a young person.Something like that anyway.The first movie that came to mind for me was Pete's Dragon.What I remember is the AWESOME soundtrack (heh) and that I had a massive crush on Pete, a dirty faced, red head with masses of freckles.[What was I thinking?]See for yourself.The next film I vividly remember loving was Escape to Witch Mountain.My first thriller![I feel compelled to link to Michael Jackson.][And now, because that is the only youtube version of "Thriller" that I could find, I feel even more compelled to wonder about the racial politics of what I just linked to... the video has running commentary about the song's pop cultural influence provided entirely by white people. Um... hello? How about ... More About: Movies , Movie , Idiocy
Last Minute Meme
2008-04-25 03:00:00 Well...I find myself sans-a-post at 9:00 p.m.What to do?Fall back on a meme![Thanks for the tag, Grant!]What was I doing ten years ago?April 7, 1998 Dear Granny & Ady, Thank you for the letter you recently sent. I was disturbed to hear that the farm is on the market. It will be strange to me to not have the farm in the family. I have a deep association with that land as part of who I am. Will your brothers be able to keep the houses currently on the farm land or will they have to move? Will the sale effect your property at all? Will they have to sell it all? What about Nat? I thought he was hoping to grow up and farm. Have they had any offers yet? Well, keep me posted on this. I moved into my new house on March 28, which may explain why it has taken me so long to respond to you. I?ve been very busy trying to get settled in to the point that I can cook and relax in the house. I find the whole thing strange. I know I am supposed to feel wildly excited ab... More About: Meme , Minute
Getting Organized
2008-04-23 14:18:00 Confused about our upcoming joint-family trip, I called our friend to confirm the dates."What nights are we going to the beach again?" I asked him.He told me, then asked,"Why? What's going on? You guys can still go, right?" "Yes, yes, we can still go, of course. K and I are just sitting here at our desks with our blackberries and our calendars doing a little family planning... you know, getting ready to HAVE SEX." Encapsulated in a split second, I saw the complete performance of a one act play on K's face.First, I saw his total shock, then his mortified embarrassment and, finally, a shrug of acceptance and resignation.He married a shameless clown with no boundaries.What can he do?Meanwhile our friend, knowing the two of us and our propensity to be overly organized, control freaks roared with laughter."That WOULD be foreplay in YOUR house!" he laughed.Oh... oh... oh... you. are. so. ORGANIZED, BAY-BEEEEEEEEEEE! YES! More About: Marriage , Friends , Idiocy
Bambi Jungle Queen
More articles from this author:2008-04-22 15:06:00 Reciprocating their hospitality, we invited The Wife Who Snorted (and the rest of the family) to dinner over the weekend.I'm starting to think that snorting might be a theme in our relationship with this couple.During dinner, The Mayor decided to discuss the finer points of the film Bambi with the couple's nine year old son."We have the movie Bambi," he said. "Have you seen it?"The nine year old had not."It's about deer," The Mayor told him."Oh," the nine year old brightened. "Is that like, Bambi, Jungle Queen ?"There was a pregnant pause before the snorting started.The Wife Who Snorts somehow managed to say,"Uh, no. Bambi Jungle Queen is a different movie ENTIRELY."Which was followed by uncontrollable grown up snorting and laughter."Why is that so funny?" the children demanded.We couldn't answer them.We were too busy imagining how Thumper might be portrayed in this alternate version of the enduring classic.Bow chicka BAMBI! More About: Friends , Idiocy 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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