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Medical Femininity
2008-05-07 14:15:00
My friend was talking to her nine year old son about what he wanted to be when he grew up."How about being a doctor," she asked.Her son rolled his eyes."I CAN'T be a DOCTOR, Mom! I'm not a GIRL!!"She was stunned.That her son's experience of doctors is entirely female says a lot about the professional strides women have made.Still, the notion of progress is called into question in that it remains anathema for a boy to envision himself in a role he perceives as inherently female.
More About: Medical , Reflection

On The Sidelines
2008-05-06 12:44:00
K wasn't feeling well, so I took Roo to The Mayor's soccer game on Saturday.I taught her to yell,"GO, MAYOR, GO!!"The Mayor goes all right.He runs hell for leather from one end of the field to the other and back again following the miniature soccer herd.The Mayor appears to be studying the kids with the ball while running, but he never attempts to get it himself.He just runs. In earnest.The Rooster grew bored of her brother's soccer game."I wanna swing, Mama!"The swings, so nearby... the injustice of a mother who makes you watch your brother's soccer game![Sigh.]I plied her with snacks as a distraction strategy.But between mouthfuls of raisins, apple and crackers, Roo turned to say,"I wanna swing!"I tickled her.She took a long pull on her sippy cup.I snuggled my face into her neck.She giggled and kept drinking.Bluebirds flew down from the heavens, landed on our shoulders and whistled happy tunes.Dude. There were RAINBOWS.I told The Rooster I loved her.It was freakin' beautiful...
More About: Soccer

Perfect Gifts
2008-05-05 19:51:00
In about a month, The Mayor will be four.My mom called yesterday asking what he might like for his birthday.Thinking about it today, I emailed K asking for his ideas.My e-mail looked like this: Subject: Mayor Birthday Gift Ideas...???Ikea Bunk Bed? Chapter Books? Membership to the Aquarium?And K, my darling husband's list of ideas came back like this: Subject: RE: Mayor Birthday Gift Ideas...??? Dar Vader suit (The Mayor's version of Darth) Jet Eye (What The Mayor thinks is being said when the word "Jedi" is used.) Giant piece of cinnamon toast Jar of dill pickles All-day pajamas All-season tank tops (fleece-lined and such) Pet T-Rex Pet Great White Shark T-Rex Underwear Great White Shark Underwear Dar Vader Underwear Season tickets to baseball Weekly haircut A fire truck A dog No one understands a nearly four-year-old boy quite like his father, eh?
More About: Gifts , Perfect

Her Bad Chicky Chicken Shower
2008-05-04 20:50:00
My friends Her Bad Mother, Mrs. Chicky, and Mrs. Chicken are about to learn that one plus one equals much more than two when we're talking about short and loud people children.I'm proud to honor their transition from pseudo-sanity to total and utter madness as part of their virtual baby shower by contributing my useless two cents hard earned wisdom.House of Joy Rules forSurviving the Transition from One to Two ChildrenNeither parent is allowed to leave the other alone with both children until the second child is eighteen months old.[Don't. Leave. Me. Alone. Noooooooooo!]The "three-second rule" automatically switches to the five-ten-fifteen minute rule.[Whatever it takes, sister. Think, "Go little immune system, GO!]The greatest threat to the new baby in the house is the other baby in the house. Set your personal auto play button to the word "NO!" and be prepared to keep it playing on repeat.Sigh a lot.Using your sarcastic voice, say things like this to your husband,"Oh, the eff...
More About: Friends , Blogging

Radio OTJ
2008-05-02 16:30:00
I don't review any products on this blog.However, today I can not get myself together to write a post because I have been screwing around for DAYS on Seeqpod. Have you used that site?You type in any artist or band in the search bar and it finds all of their music on the internet.You add whatever you want to your playlist and it plays all.I am in love.Also?You can e-mail your playlists to your friends or put a widget on your BLOG.Oh. Mah. Got.Tell me what bands or songs to check out. I'm all OVER it!!
More About: Radio , Music

Body & Spirit
2008-05-01 13:05:00
Last Friday Elke and Michael invited us to dinner and afterwards they turned on a movie so that the short and loud people would go slack for a while.We had a fascinating discussion about what each of us wants to happen to our bodies after we die.[To hell with small talk!]Michael said he wanted to be buried in a cemetery next to Elke, but Elke wanted to be cremated and to have her ashes scattered.K was unsure and I was ambivalent."Why does it matter?" I asked. We talked about various deaths in each of our families and how they were handled.*****Michael recently buried his great uncle in a community cemetery where he's surrounded by other deceased friends and family members.Michael is comforted by the thought of this as his uncle's final resting place.He imagines his uncle at home in a place where his eternal neighbors are souls that he knew and loved throughout his life.*****Elke?s mother died of lung cancer three years ago.Bucking Jewish tradition, Elke honored her mother?s last ...
More About: Family , Friends , Body , Reflection , Spirit

Perfect Post Awards
2008-05-01 13:00:00
Have you been to Ivy Brown's Stoop?It's a great place to sit and listen to a story.Like this one.Perfect Post , no?Oh, but the YES!Next month you can easily recognize a perfect post with this award.All you need to do is e-mail Mamma K -- Petroville(at)gmail(dot)com -- and ask her to put you on the Perfect Post mailing list.She'll e-mail you every month when it's time to send in your Perfect Post pick. See all the Perfect Posts at Petroville or Suburban Turmoil.
More About: Awards , Blogging

Sweet Dreams
2008-04-30 16:00:00
A while back The Mayor woke in the middle of the night screaming.Bad dreams.K went to The Mayor's room to check on him and found him stirring restlessly between sleep and wakefulness."Are you okay, Mayor?" K asked."I had a scary dream, Daddy" The Mayor said."Hmmm," K thought. "You know what I can do? I can put a special necklace around your neck to protect you.""Okay," The Mayor agreed.K fastened the invisible protection around The Mayor's neck."This necklace is made entirely out of my love and it will keep you safe from bad dreams," K told The Mayor. "They won't bother you now. Go back to sleep, my sweet boy."The Mayor closed his eyes and didn't wake again until morning.Last night, K tucked The Mayor in to bed and, as he was leaving the room, he said,"Sweet dreams, Mayor.""Dad?" The Mayor called after him."Yes, Mayor?" K said leaning back into the room."I've still got my necklace on."When K told me this story I asked him to fasten one around my neck too.We're all wearing ...
More About: Family , Dreams , Sweet Dreams

The People's Party
2008-04-29 13:00:00
Just in case you didn't figure it out yesterday, six of us got together and organized a pre-blogher party... for everyone.You don't have to be a newbie, you don't have to have published a book, you can wear whatever you want...This party is...The People's Party .[Viva, la Gente!]You're TOTALLY invited.[And then some.]The People's PartyThursday, July 17, 2008Eight O'ClockThe Elizabethan RoomThe Westin, San FranciscoPotty treats Party treats and libations will be plentifully supplied courtesy of The People's Party sponsors.[Oh, how you will partake in their goodness!]So, chant with me now..."Power to The People!""Power to The Party!""The People's Party Untied (oops) United!"[hiccup!]Y'all come now, you hear?!!You know you want to meet this cah-razy woman...Will you be there?Spread the word, Comrades!Invite all the Bloganistas!Grab this button:Here's the code:Don't forget to hop over here and let us know if you're coming.We need to make sure we have enough martini olives an...

Teaser 3
2008-04-28 17:00:00
Look, do me a favor and start at the beginning.Got that?Great.Now you need to read this.Oh, you're back?Just in time, because you need to see this:Want details?You need to visit my partners in crime here and here and then you can be part of it all here.If this is too much of a pain in your hindquarter, I'll publish the full scoop tomorrow.Right now?I must take to the bed to rest up for the hot, blogher action promised me by Frau Bloggessenstein.]
More About: Teaser

1970's Movie Goer
2008-04-25 14:30:00
Catherine is it again with the Friday Flashback writing prompts.Today's theme is... well... let's just say that Catherine is really pregnant at this point and the theme is something about movies of your youth, the first movie you remember seeing or a movie that moved you as a young person.Something like that anyway.The first movie that came to mind for me was Pete's Dragon.What I remember is the AWESOME soundtrack (heh) and that I had a massive crush on Pete, a dirty faced, red head with masses of freckles.[What was I thinking?]See for yourself.The next film I vividly remember loving was Escape to Witch Mountain.My first thriller![I feel compelled to link to Michael Jackson.][And now, because that is the only youtube version of "Thriller" that I could find, I feel even more compelled to wonder about the racial politics of what I just linked to... the video has running commentary about the song's pop cultural influence provided entirely by white people. Um... hello? How about ...
More About: Movies , Movie , Idiocy

Last Minute Meme
2008-04-25 03:00:00
Well...I find myself sans-a-post at 9:00 p.m.What to do?Fall back on a meme![Thanks for the tag, Grant!]What was I doing ten years ago?April 7, 1998 Dear Granny & Ady, Thank you for the letter you recently sent. I was disturbed to hear that the farm is on the market. It will be strange to me to not have the farm in the family. I have a deep association with that land as part of who I am. Will your brothers be able to keep the houses currently on the farm land or will they have to move? Will the sale effect your property at all? Will they have to sell it all? What about Nat? I thought he was hoping to grow up and farm. Have they had any offers yet? Well, keep me posted on this. I moved into my new house on March 28, which may explain why it has taken me so long to respond to you. I?ve been very busy trying to get settled in to the point that I can cook and relax in the house. I find the whole thing strange. I know I am supposed to feel wildly excited ab...
More About: Meme , Minute

Getting Organized
2008-04-23 14:18:00
Confused about our upcoming joint-family trip, I called our friend to confirm the dates."What nights are we going to the beach again?" I asked him.He told me, then asked,"Why? What's going on? You guys can still go, right?" "Yes, yes, we can still go, of course. K and I are just sitting here at our desks with our blackberries and our calendars doing a little family planning... you know, getting ready to HAVE SEX." Encapsulated in a split second, I saw the complete performance of a one act play on K's face.First, I saw his total shock, then his mortified embarrassment and, finally, a shrug of acceptance and resignation.He married a shameless clown with no boundaries.What can he do?Meanwhile our friend, knowing the two of us and our propensity to be overly organized, control freaks roared with laughter."That WOULD be foreplay in YOUR house!" he laughed.Oh... oh... oh... you. are. so. ORGANIZED, BAY-BEEEEEEEEEEE! YES!
More About: Marriage , Friends , Idiocy

Bambi Jungle Queen
2008-04-22 15:06:00
Reciprocating their hospitality, we invited The Wife Who Snorted (and the rest of the family) to dinner over the weekend.I'm starting to think that snorting might be a theme in our relationship with this couple.During dinner, The Mayor decided to discuss the finer points of the film Bambi with the couple's nine year old son."We have the movie Bambi," he said. "Have you seen it?"The nine year old had not."It's about deer," The Mayor told him."Oh," the nine year old brightened. "Is that like, Bambi, Jungle Queen ?"There was a pregnant pause before the snorting started.The Wife Who Snorts somehow managed to say,"Uh, no. Bambi Jungle Queen is a different movie ENTIRELY."Which was followed by uncontrollable grown up snorting and laughter."Why is that so funny?" the children demanded.We couldn't answer them.We were too busy imagining how Thumper might be portrayed in this alternate version of the enduring classic.Bow chicka BAMBI!
More About: Friends , Idiocy

When You First Understood Death
2008-04-21 14:00:00
The grandmother of one of Rooster's daycare friends passed away a few mornings ago.Rooster's friend has two older brothers - one is nine and the other is twelve.Until about six months ago, their grandmother was actively involved in this family's lives, regularly taking the kids to the zoo and often out to dinner.When I picked up Roo today, I stood in the play yard talking with the children's mother.We talked about her husbands grief and the way grief just goes on and on, coming and going like the ebb and flow of ocean waves, rising and falling.We talked about how her children were reacting to the news. She thought maybe it hadn't fully hit them yet... or that maybe it had.The nine year old keeps asking not to talk about it.How we hide from hurtful things.Talking about her children's reaction to the death of their grandmother made me remember my own first memory of death, the moment I understood the idea that someone I loved could die, was dead.I was nine.My mother called me i...
More About: Death , Memories , Reflection , Grief , Mourning

Oh, My Largess
2008-04-20 02:00:00
I strode through the airport wearing my iPod and listening to my favorite songs on my way to a business meeting in St. Louis last week. I felt an overwhelming benevolence for my fellow humankind. I opened my eyes to the unique, heart-breaking complexity of everyone around me. I found the intrinsic, sometimes hidden, beauty in every face. Then, when my colleague met me at the gate, I took the iPod off and we boarded the plane. A mother and her three year old boy were seated across the aisle from me. Knowing from experience what the mom was going through traveling with him, I thought about helping her out by interacting with the boy. But I realized then that I'm not all that benevolent after all. [I should really keep my iPod ON.]
More About: Travel , Motherhood , Idiocy

Collages
2008-04-18 12:45:00
Remember when we used to write in private journals with lovely covers and thick, rich paper?I used to write in spiral and hard bound journals instead of out here on the Internet.Similarly, before I had photoshop I used to do collage.A few days ago I wrote about a collage that I made.Some of you asked me to post a photo of it, but I don't have one.The piece is really large and doesn't fit well in a single photo frame.Every time I try to take a photo of even one of the female figures, the glare from the glass makes the image impossible to see.[Maybe I have to invite Angela over to get a proper photo of it.]Anyway, as I trolled through my photos to see if I did have any of this particular collage, I found the sketch that I did first, the drawing that led to the collage.I'm terrible at drawing.[The figure representing my mom is particularly scary -- sorry, Mom!](I think you can click on the picture to enlarge the view.)[I feel compelled to tell you that there are no pubes or boobs in...
More About: Memories , Collage

Eleven Windows
2008-04-17 14:00:00
jen did this post called seven windows of my soul.It inspired me.Although... this one goes to eleven.[In no particular order.]Windows to My Soul1. Sitting on my grandparent's back porch and seeing the tree line on the horizon beyond the pasture.2. Flying and feeling weightless high above the Zambezi river and Victoria Falls over Zambia & Zimbabwe. Seeing a 360 degree rainbow, a full circle.3. The stare of a young Rajastani woman's kohl lined eyes through my dusty bus window in the Indian desert.4. Watching the night sky from the Wat in Doi Mae Salong, Thailand as it filled with streaks of light from a Leonid meteor shower.5. My frozen memory of my grandmother?s face at the very last moment of her life.6. Alone, swimming into the sunset at Kendwa Beach in Zanzibar.7. Walking with lions on the veld in Gweru, Zimbabwe.8. Visiting the grave of Stephen Biko.9. Watching the twin tower's fall.10. My first look at the faces of my children.11. Holding hands with my love on an autumn w...
More About: Reflection

Not the Center
2008-04-16 12:45:00
I had to take her with us.It was spring break, I had both kids and no daycare.The Mayor had to go to his occupational therapy appointment so he could work on repairing the nerve damage in his hand.The Rooster had to come too.Of course she wanted to do everything The Mayor did but the physical therapist wouldn't allow it.She wouldn't let poor Rooster... join in any hand therapy games.[Oh, I keeeell myself.]Rooster couldn't touch anything in the therapist's full-tilt, super-fun, play gym.As any two and a half year old would, The Rooster became frustrated after hearing the word "NO!" so frequently.I wanted to watch The Mayor's treatment, but I finally had to take The Rooster out of the room.I headed for the bathroom because, well... I had to go.[I should have kegeled.]Once we were in the bathroom with the door closed, The Rooster burst into tears.She sobbed and sobbed as if in dire anguish."What's wrong, Roo? What happened?" I asked, worried that she had somehow hurt herself."Her...
More About: Center

Oh, the Geriatric Pele
2008-04-15 14:30:00
This weekend we arranged a play date at the park for The Rooster and one of her friends from daycare.I played soccer with the nine year old brother of Rooster's friend while the other parent watched the girls on the playground.I used to play competitive soccer when I was in elementary and middle school, but I?m pretty sure my last season was when I was in sixth grade.Nevertheless, I was impressed with my speed and agility.[Look at me go!]I kicked the ball with amazing force and precision![I am an Olympic Soccer Super Star!!!]I played so hard and ran so fast that I wore the nine year old out. He got winded and had to quit first.[Ha!]I was feeling really proud of my self and, because I am not very mature, I taunted my nine year old friend.?I a-am faster. I a-am stronger.? I sang while shaking my butt in little victory shimmies.He grinned, rolled his eyes and told me to shut up.However, I am a serious idiot.Oh, my aching HUBRIS!!I am in desperate need of some sort of butt massaging de...
More About: Friends , Idiocy , Pele

Shower Gifts
2008-04-14 16:00:00
When The Mayor was less than a week old, my mom noticed that his inner thighs were completely black and blue. We called the pediatrician and they asked us to bring him in. The intake nurse was pretty disconcerted when she saw his legs. One after another, the pediatricians filed in to have a look. The Mayor seemed fine, didn?t appear to be in any pain and didn?t wince or cry when the black and blue spots were touched. The doctors couldn?t figure out what was wrong with him. This weekend, I went to my friend Tomi?s baby shower. Seeing all the tiny newborn clothes reminded me of The Mayor?s shower, being close to the end of my first pregnancy and being a new mom. I thought about his tiny, little diapers. At the baby shower that my friend Michele threw for me, the guests were given a marker and a stack of newborn diapers. Each guest wrote messages and drew pictures on the diapers so that K and I would be amused during 3:00 a.m. feedings. The diapers were hilarious. They...
More About: Gifts , Motherhood , Shower , Puzzles , Idiocy

Dance of the Four Mothers
2008-04-11 21:00:00
There?s a collage hanging in The Mayor and The Rooster?s room that I made around the time I was getting a divorce from my first husband.In it, there are five women standing on a plain white background.The first four women have mermaid tails but the fifth woman is standing up on two legs with her mermaid tail thrown over her arm like a shawl.Each figure in the collage represents one of the women in a family photo showing the five generations of women alive when I was born ? from my Great, Great Grandmother right down the line to me.My Great, Great Grandmother lived to be 100 years old. In her lifetime, she saw transportation shift from a horse and buggy to a rocket to the moon.In the collage, one of her hands holds a whole solar system and the other holds the ripples from a single drop of water in a still pond.I used to sit by her bedside at the end of her life listening to her stories and trying to absorb the wisdom of her experience. My Great Grandmother appears next in the collag...
More About: Family , History , Dance , Traditions , Mothers

Oh, The Prom
2008-04-11 14:04:00
I don't remember much about my junior prom.My mom made my dress, we didn't have a limo, he wasn't my boyfriend and nothing happened.Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.I went to my senior prom with a boy named Jim who had only recently lost his baby fat.Until our senior year he was, well... short and round-ish, but then he grew forty five feet and his extra weight spread out across the new length of him.Suddenly, he was [kinda sorta] cute.He took me by surprise when he asked me to prom.I was deep in the process of shifting into my I wear black and am too cool for everything phase.I was certainly ABOVE the prom.But then... he asked.All of my (also too cool) girlfriends seemed to be coming up with last minute dates, so I accepted.Though my mother made most of the dresses that I wore to school dances, I didn't give her any lead time on this one so she had no choice but to take me shopping.I somehow ended up with a pink and black number that incorporated a crinoline underskirt.Oh, the pretty.At t...
More About: Prom , Memories

Mother Groove
2008-04-10 13:35:00
It?s spring break at daycare, so I?ve been home with the short and loud people this week.[Hence The Incredible Lightness of Posting.]As a working mom, I never had the opportunity to learn the stay-at-home-mom Zen that so many of my peers seem to have.If I am honest, I have to admit that spring break used to scare me. How on Earth would I pass the hours? How would I keep my sanity? Don?t leave me alone with them!!!!!!!!!!NOOOOOOOOO!!!![Roll horror music - ree! ree! ree!]I don?t know if I finally found my mothering groove or if my kids are just easier now.Maybe it?s both.Regardless, I?m grateful that I?ve spent most of this week pushing swings, brushing sand off little fingers and riding the mini-train at the zoo.It?s a privilege and a gift to have this time with them.Today I think we'll take a walk around the block. Who knows what we'll discover...
More About: Motherhood , Mother , Groove

Spring Is Worse Than Tequilla
2008-04-09 02:00:00
Driving home from the market tonight, I noticed the scores of spring blossoms flagrantly waving themselves at the passing traffic.Sluts!!All the cars and even the streets themselves were dusted in bright yellow pollen.Oh, what a whorish season!I came to a stop at a red light and looked over at the car next to me.The passenger had these giant, chocolate brown eyes.[Oh, swoon!]He was staring at me in this intense, way. His look seemed so innocent, so full of pure love.I found myself grinning dreamily at him. I might have imagined it, but I think I saw his ears perk up at my smile.The driver, a man who had eyes that matched the passenger's, turned to look into my car.He totally busted me...flirting... with his dog.Oh, saucy season of Spring ! What have you done to me?I was left with no choice but to rush home, burst through the door and shout..."Bark like a dog, sweet husband!"[Bow chicka bow wow!]
More About: Idiocy

When Married People Snort
2008-04-07 03:01:00
Saturday night we were invited to dinner by a couple we don't know well, the parents of a girl that Rooster plays with at daycare.Until Saturday we had never socialized with them beyond running into them at the school and the odd meeting at the local playground.I like them both, but I was a little nervous.[How long would it take for these cool people to figure out what a complete and utter dork I am?]When we arrived, their daughter (my daughter's friend), appeared at the top of their staircase to greet us.She was completely naked.She stretched her arms to the heavens and spread her legs wide apart."Ta DA!" she yelled.Her mom blushed."Ta DA!!" she yelled again jumping down a step.She jumped down one step at a time and with each landing she announced her impressive nakedness with another, "Ta DA!"Her mom hurried her back up the stairs to dress her, but before she went she told us that her husband was taking a shower because he had just finished cooking.In an act of extreme culinary ...
More About: Marriage , People , Friends , Going Out , Neighbors

Pulitzer Prize for Drama
2008-04-04 22:00:00
The Rooster has a doll named Baby Stella.She meant to bring it with her to school today, but she forgot.Because I wouldn't go back and get it for her, I had to suffer Tennessee Williams all the way to daycare.Oh. Mah. Got.
More About: Drama , Pulitzer , Idiocy

Oh, The Bovine
2008-04-03 16:30:00
For the last three days I've been facilitating an out of town meeting for work.The participants were bowled over by my facil-ee-tay-shun skillz and could barely contain their enthusiasm for every topic I introduced.They were rapt, rapt I tell you!!The only down side to the beautiful meeting location were the swarms of biting "no see 'ums."I don't know why they're called no see 'ums, I mean, I could TOTALLY SEE 'EM!Anyway, the bugs bit me incessantly.One of the meeting participants (that I had just met) said,"Well there's one in every herd.""Excuse me?" I said."In every herd there's one cow genetically predisposed to attract biting bugs, you know, to keep them away from the other cows. You must be the cow that protects the herd."Um... is it me, or did she just call me a cow?
More About: Work , Idiocy

Skipping Blog Town
2008-04-03 03:52:00
Oh, uh.. Hai!Did I forget to blog?I must have been out of town.Like, for work.Where it was really beautiful and distracting...
More About: Travel , Work , Blog , Town

Little Froggy
2008-04-01 04:00:00
“Mama, we went outside to get the paper and we saw afrog!!” I was intrigued and impressed.[Despite being sound asleep when I received this news.]An amphibian?In my front yard?[Which is nowhere near a creek.]A frog?We’re in the middle of a drought!!How wondrous!!“Where was the frog, Roo?” I asked. “Outside!!” she exclaimed.[Oh, the vagueness of toddlers!]She led me out to the breakfast table and K served me a plate of eggs.[Because he is a Golden God.]“So you guys saw a frog?” I asked with uncharacteristic morning enthusiasm.“What?” K said, clearly confused.“Roo said that you guys saw a frog when you went out to get the paper. Where was it?”K looked puzzled for a second and then something clicked. “Rooster,” K said, "it was a little FOGGY outside.”[Ba dum bum CHA!] Oy. Soon I'll be playing the Catskills...
More About: Froggy