The User PoolThe User PoolA social satire on corporate politics and office relationships.A social satire on corporate politics and office relationshipsA social satire on corporate politics and office relationships Articles
The Latest Reorg
2008-06-07 05:51:00 Fernandez is no longer assigned to Special Projects.An executive like Fernandez is assigned to Special Projects when senior management does not know what to do with him. The executive has most likely adeptly demonstrated that he has reached his level of incompetence, a.k.a. The Peter Principle, and must now be relegated to a position in which he cannot harm himself or the company.But then an interesting thing always seems to happen. After a period of time, senior management forgets that the executive in charge of Special Projects is incompetent because he has not been given the opportunity to demonstrate that incompetence for quite some time.So senior management puts him back in the game, while demonstrating their own incompetence and lack of good judgement. They announced the reorg today, and it looks like Smithee will now have a matrix reporting relationship to both Mulhausen and Fernandez. Mulhausen will handle domestic and Fernandez will handle international. Senior management h... More About: Corporate , Satire
Dysfunctional Lover or Bloodsucking Vampire?
2008-06-05 20:14:00 I know what you're thinking... I'm pissed off at Blair, so I compare her to a bloodsucking vampire. Not true.Yes, I am pissed off at her. But I really do believe she might be a bloodsucking vampire. Let me tell you why. First reference one of Winter's Vampire articles. Now here are the questions you need to answer to determine whether your lover is just dysfunctional or an actual bloodsucking vampire:Does she fear the crucifix, especially right after having sex with you?Does she bite you during sex?Does she draw blood when she bites you during sex?Does she appear to be soulless, most notably during fits of jealousy?Does she refer to you as her bloodmate?Does she hiss when you stick your stake into her?Do her eyes actually turn red when she lies to you?When being passive/aggressive, does her shadow disappear?When angry for no fucking reason, does her reflection in the mirror disappear?Does she tend to froth at the mouth for no apparent reason?Does she seem to fear sunlight, ... More About: Lover , Vampires , Office Romance
Jet Lag
2008-06-04 01:20:00 I'm back. I'm tired. Good night. By the way, Blair is pretending not to notice this is the day of my return. So I'm ignoring her too and going to sleep. We'll fight about it tomorrow, then have incredible combo make-up/reunion sex. I really need to rest up. Tomorrow's a big day.
Business Trip Drinking
2008-06-03 09:11:00 The problem with drinking on business trips is that you drink like it's the weekend. But it's not the weekend. Last night was not Friday and today is not Saturday, the day you get to sleep it off. Today is Tuesday and it's a work day just like any other weekday work day. Back in Los Angeles, I may drink on a weekday night, but only in moderation because I’m either getting to know a user I’m about to fuck or I’m drinking with a user I already know who I’m about to fuck. The fuck is the thing. When you’re on a business trip, the fuck is a perk, but it’s not the thing. The drink is the thing. When you go on a business trip, especially overseas, there's always someone from the local office who takes you out to a great dinner and buys you drinks all night. That was the case last night here in Japan . After the restaurant, we checked out a couple of bars, but guess what? Nobody goes out drinking on Monday night in Tokyo either. They all have ... More About: Business , Drinking , Trip , Hangover
Blair Does Not Miss Me
2008-05-31 09:07:00 Blair does not miss me which is why I miss her.Blair only tells me she misses me when she does not miss me. She only does not miss me when she is interested in someone else. She has a very short attention span, so if I'm not around and someone interesting starts paying attention to her, she does not miss me because she is busy with someone else.But Blair does not find many people interesting. So when I'm away and she does not say that she misses me, I know that nobody interesting is paying attention to her and therefore, I know that she actually does miss me. Blair will never tell me that she misses me if she really does miss me because she wants me to think she's busy with someone else so that I won't forget about her. She only tells me she misses me if she wants me to forget about her so that I won't suspect she's busy with someone else. So whenever Blair does not tell me that she misses me, it makes me miss her because I know she really misses me. Our meetings here end... More About: Humor , Thailand , Bangkok , Satire , Blair
Patpong Pussy Darts
2008-05-29 09:39:00 I was talking to the Finance lady from the Philippines yesterday on a break from our meeting. We were eating some snacks and sipping coffee when she said:"So, while you're in Bangkok , do you plan to go to the pussy show?""As a matter of fact," I said. "I do plan to go to the pussy show." And we went last night to a place called Super Pussy in a part of town called Patpong. I don't know what I was expecting, but the experience only lasted 10 minutes.As soon as we walked in, we were surrounded by "women" in bikinis (note, the word women is in quotes). I immediately waved the shemales away, although some lingered near the young woodcock that was with us knowing he might be a little more naive to their ruse. That was acutally quite entertaining... I spent the first five minutes arguing with the "house mother" who tried to over charge me. Once I finally worked that out, we sat back to enjoy the show. If you've never heard of this, Bang... More About: Humor , Thailand , Darts
Cathay Pacific
2008-05-25 04:18:00 Here’s what I like about a 15 hour flight to Thailand on Cathay Pacific : The flight attendants are mostly Asian women and I kind of have a thing for mostly Asian women. The flight attendants are mostly hot Asian women and I definitely have a thing for mostly hot Asian women. There is a large selection of movies and television shows available to watch and I love watching the tube. The seats in business class are like little pods so I don’t have to talk to anyone and nobody can talk to me—except for mostly hot Asian flight attendants. Although the company is shelling out a huge chunk of cash to fly me to Thailand, I don’t have to do anything remotely related to work on this flight. Food and alcohol are brought to me by mostly hot Asian women and I don’t have to do jack shit; if only they threw in a back massage and a happy ending, I’d never get off this plane. (I'll get to that...). Here’s what I don’t like about a 15 hour flig... More About: Humor
Bangkok
2008-05-23 07:49:00 Blair finally approved my trip to Bangkok . Smithee sent her a message explaining that if I couldn't go to Bangkok, he would send me to the Philippines to help the TV division with their SAP implementation. This would not require her approval, since it's another division and would only require approval from the TV divsion's Finance department which has happily approved my trip because they need the expertise. By the way, I have no SAP expertise, but Blair does not know that. Even so, I'm sure the TV department wouldn't care if I had SAP expertise or not because expertise in this company is really not a requirement for anything. Regardless, she immediately approved my trip to Bangkok because she believes the Philippines is much worse than Bangkok. Well, I don't know which is worse, but I'll at least be an expert on Bangkok when I'm through and can talk intelligently about Bangkok when I'm done. I'm tired. I think I'll go to sleep.... More About: Humor , Satire , Office Romance
Blair and Bangkok
2008-05-20 04:24:00 Blair will not sign and approve my Travel Authorization form for a business trip to Thailand next week so that I can take care of urgent company business. She will, however, sign and approve a travel authorization form for a trip to Singapore where I have absolutely no company business. So even though my business is in Thailand, she will only approve a trip to Singapore.Blair has been very impressed with Singapore since the caning of Michael Fay in 1994. She has had little respect for Bangkok since the song One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head. While Blair certainly thinks Thailand is a beautiful place, she does not believe it's the place for me. Blair does not trust me in the same building, so there's no way in hell she's going to let me go to Bangkok. I told Blair that Fessler the CIO specifically requested that I go to Bangkok. The form had already been signed by my boss Alan Smithee. And although Smithee doesn't really exist, like everyone else in the company, Blai... More About: Business , Humor , Relationships , Finance
Blair vs. Fiona
2008-05-17 01:56:00 Blair stood there staring down Fiona (Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt) with this look of quiet but inevitable death in her eyes. Fiona stared back with an equally calm expression of dire hatred and adamant desire to destroy her opponent. Both of their faces were molded in stone cold granite. They were about to engage. I couldn't wait. This was going to be bloody. Well... More muddy than bloody.Both women were... Naked, ankle deep in mud. The crowd was going crazy. I stood at one side of the ring; I was the referee. This was going to be the best mud wrestling match any of us had ever seen. The two attacked at the same time. The crowd started screaming for blood. Which is also how I felt at first. But then, watching them both rolling around in the mud all naked and sexual like that... Well, at that point, I just wanted them to kiss. I haven't had a wet dream since I was a kid. But by God, they did start kissing. And this wrestling match turned in to o... More About: Humor , Satire , Blair
Birthday with Blair
2008-05-16 00:52:00 Blair took me to a very expensive Sushi dinner for my birthday. This was a very sweet gesture on her part and only cost me $160. Blair's husband is also in Finance and watches every debit like a hawk. If a restaurant is not on their approved vendor list, Blair is not allowed to spend a dime at that establishment. Her weekly expense report is reviewed and approved by her husband with strict criteria without exceptions. My favorite Sushi restaurant does not happen to be on this approved vendor list because it's overpriced from his perspective.So Blair gave me the choice of going to my favorite Sushi restaurant and paying for it myself or settling for a restaurant on their approved list and letting her pay. I chose my restaurant. It's my birthday, right?We started off with drinks. I had a dirty martini, she had a greyhound. She asked me about Chelsea the Intern by saying, Cute intern this year. If I act like I don't think Chelsea the Intern is cute, Blair will know that... More About: Humor , Satire , Birthday , Blair , Office Romance
Birthday
2008-05-13 03:30:00 Well, it's my birthday today.Okay, moving on...Remember Friday? Later that evening, Conklin, Detective Curran (aka Rob Jackhoff) and I took a look at the CD that allegedly contained incriminating evidence against us. I popped the CD into my computer and an interesting thing happened. The CD did NOT in fact contain evidence against Conklin and myself. The CD DID in fact contain the infamous "Fuck You Very Much" virus. My computer is toast. Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt is a big fucking cunt. Have I mentioned that lately?Here's what I can piece together... Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt does NOT have evidence against us. She DOES have a copy of Conklin deflowering Blendi the Virgin. She also has McKinney's work print of his 3D porn film. She did NOT actually call the police and the police did NOT actually call back; it must have been a friend or relative. I think she wanted to see how I would deal with the... More About: Humor , Satire , Birthday
Sodomy Among Friends
2008-04-29 04:09:00 Apparently Lucia no longer enjoys sodomy with Tanner from Toys. Recently Lucia stopped letting me sodomize her because I'm not religious. And although she did not believe she was cheating on her boyfriend while I was sodomizing her, she did believe she was sinning against God by being sodomized by a heathen. So to remedy the situation, she sought sodomy from Tanner, the Assistant Manager in Toys, with whom she was also attending weekly Bible Study. And although she was being sodomized by Tanner from Bible Study, she was still not cheating on her boyfriend because the act of sodomy is not technically intercourse. Lucia believes that if the dick doesn't touch the pussy, it isn't cheating. And since Tanner is a strong Christian and a faithful servant of God Almighty, sodomy with a Christian like him is much better than sodomy with a heathen like me. Unfortunately, sodomy with a Christian like Tanner is not nearly as fun as sodomy with a heathen like me. So Lucia has decided to... More About: Humor , Friends , Satire , Pornography , Office Romance
Conklin's Dead Slutty Wife's Evil Sister Fiona the Cunt
2008-04-26 04:24:00 As most of you know, I hate the weekends. I hate the weekends because I love the weekdays. I love the weekdays because I'm not at home. It's difficult to go home on Fridays. So I usually start looking for a distraction that will keep me from going home on Friday for as long as possible. Unfortunately, the only distraction I've had all day is Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt. I realize she doesn't have anything on us. Because even though Conklin and I were trying to murder his slutty wife at the time she accidentally died, we did not, in fact, kill her. A truck killed her, and that was not a part of my plan to murder her. There were witnesses. We're in the clear. However... This cleaver little bitch somehow believes there was foul play involved for some reason, which there was, but only to prove a point to Conklin's slutty wife. There was no real intention to murder her. Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt will never find any of th... More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire , Evil , Dead
What Does This Mean?
2008-04-24 07:14:00 Can you solve the riddle in Figure 1A? (There's actually no Figure 1B or any other figure; I just wanted to sound official). If not, by the end of this post you'll be able to solve it. Today started out better than average for more reasons than one. Here's the list:I started the day out with a blueberry Poptart. Yum yum.Traffic was much lighter than usual. I have no idea why. Nor do I question. I just go with the flow.Utilizing the Starbucks Cam, I snagged a triple venti non-fat vanilla latte first thing with no line; I was bouncing off the walls by 10:00 a.m.Athena the Lesbian rubbed my crotch in the elevator all the way from floor 20 to 31; there were no stops and no other passengers.Blendi the Unvirgin tickled my crotch with her unvirgin toe under my desk when she came to visit at around 10:45Blair was actually in a good mood for a Wednesday; she was also really horny and wanted to have sex with me on Friday. I convinced her to have sex with me tonight instead because he... More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire
What Does This Mean?
2008-04-24 07:14:00 Can you solve the riddle in Figure 1A? (There's actually no Figure 1B or any other figure; I just wanted to sound official). If not, by the end of this post you'll be able to solve it. Today started out better than average for more reasons than one. Here's the list:I started the day out with a blueberry Poptart. Yum yum.Traffic was much lighter than usual. I have no idea why. Nor do I question. I just go with the flow.Utilizing the Starbucks Cam, I snagged a triple venti non-fat vanilla latte first thing with no line; I was bouncing off the walls by 10:00 a.m.Athena the Lesbian rubbed my crotch in the elevator all the way from floor 20 to 31; there were no stops and no other passengers.Blendi the Unvirgin tickled my crotch with her unvirgin toe under my desk when she came to visit at around 10:45Blair was actually in a good mood for a Wednesday; she was also really horny and wanted to have sex with me on Friday. I convinced her to have sex with me tonight instead because he... More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire
Mulhausen's New Assistant
2008-04-23 05:58:00 We do not have secretaries at my company; we have assistants. You cannot call an assistant a secretary. That will land you in HR faster than you can say, I meant, Assistant . Assistants perform the same clerical duties of a secretary, like answer phones, schedule appointments, type letters, etc., but Human Resources gets very upset if you refer to them as secretaries. According to HR, the reference secretary carries with it too many outdated connotations, which is why we now call a secretary an assistant. HR's policy is very clear on this matter: Please use the title "Assistant" when referring to a secretary.I finally met Mulhausen's assistant. Her name is Fiona and she's gorgeous. Blue eyes, blonde hair, little tits, little ass. I'm not usually attracted to her type because I'm more drawn to flavor and spice--but for some reason, this girl gave me an instant tingle in my dingle. Mulhausen gave me one basic instruction related to Fiona: never speak to her. Then ... More About: Humor , Satire
The 405
2008-04-19 04:02:00 If you live in Southern California, you know what the 405 is. In California, we don't just refer to the freeway with a number; we always add "the" before the number. So it's the 5, the 15, the 91, and of course, the 405. I think we do this because these aren't just your average freeways; these are the worst fucking freeways in the goddamn world. For example, rush "hour" on the 405 is approximately 8 hours a day in total during week days. From 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. and then from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Fridays, rush "hour" lasts all freakin' day. Heading out of town, traffic starts backing up at noon. I left work early today, around 2:00. I think the term people use to describe my freeway situation at that time is, parking lot.I notice I swear a lot in the car while I'm driving. Or in this case, while I'm parked. I don't really hate everyone around me. I think I just need to vent when ever I get into the car. It's very therapeutic. I mean, can I... More About: Humor , Satire
Aho Made Fun of Mai Ding
2008-04-18 01:21:00 Aho made fun of Mai Ding today, and I get sent to HR. Once again, I found myself down in HR sitting across the desk in front of Triplet, the VP of HR. She sat looking at me with a very disappointed look on her face for the longest time, shaking her head, judging me silently. And then, finally:"It was brought to my attention," she began. "That you told someone today 'A hoe made fun of my ding.' This is very inappropriate for the workplace.""I agree," I said. "Aho should never make fun of Mai Ding at work.""This happened at work?" she asked, shocked."Yes," I confirmed. "Right outside of my office.""How did 'a ho' see your 'ding'? she asked."Not Yur Ding. Mai Ding," I said, correcting her. "Yur Ding has nothing to do with this." Triplet stared at me for a moment, not quite sure what to say next. She took a moment to organize her thoughts and continued. "What was 'a ho' doing... More About: Humor , Human Resources , Satire , Made
Aho Made Fun of Mai Ding
2008-04-18 01:21:00 Aho made fun of Mai Ding today, and I get sent to HR. Once again, I found myself down in HR sitting across the desk in front of Triplet, the VP of HR. She sat looking at me with a very disappointed look on her face for the longest time, shaking her head, judging me silently. And then, finally:"It was brought to my attention," she began. "That you told someone today 'A hoe made fun of my ding.' This is very inappropriate for the workplace.""I agree," I said. "Aho should never make fun of Mai Ding at work.""This happened at work?" she asked, shocked."Yes," I confirmed. "Right outside of my office.""How did 'a ho' see your 'ding'? she asked."Not Yur Ding. Mai Ding," I said, correcting her. "Yur Ding has nothing to do with this." Triplet stared at me for a moment, not quite sure what to say next. She took a moment to organize her thoughts and continued. "What was 'a ho' doing... More About: Humor , Human Resources , Satire , Made
Conklin's In-Laws
2008-04-17 03:38:00 Conklin is still grieving the death of his slutty wife. And although he still blames me for the accidental death of his slutty wife during our attempt to murder her, I believe he is beginning to warm up to the fact that she's actually gone forever. While she was alive, I don't think he fully realized how much she mentally tortured him. But now, after her demise, he's finally beginning to see the full extent of her wickedness. And although he still pretends to be angry with me because he blames me for the accidental death of his slutty wife during our attempt to murder her, I really think he's thankful deep down inside.Apparently her in-laws are still in town after having attended the funeral. According to him, they are, as expected, unfortunately replicas of his slutty wife's evil and sadistic persona.Conklin spends most of his time at work these days because he needs to "keep busy" after the tragedy. What he's really doing is steering clear of the Adams Family. Slut... More About: Humor , Laws , Satire
Casual Friday
2008-04-12 03:30:00 Casual Friday exists because we're all done working for the week. But since we have to be at work, we pretend to be at home by dressing like we're at home. But we're not. But we're dressed like we are. And, more importantly, we act like we are by doing absolutely nothing related to running a business.The beauty of the situation is that we don't do anything we'd do if we were home either. You know, like yard work and the shit you don't have time to do during the week because you're at work. So casual Friday is really a vacation from both work and home. Today, in order to get the most out of Casual Friday, I decided to wear a tank top, shorts and flip-flops. Apparently, this is a gross violation of the dress code, even for Casual Friday, so I was yet again called down to Human Resources to meet with Triplet, the VP of HR. "The Dress Code is very specific. No shorts, no sandals and no tank tops," she said. Essentially, every article of clothing I chose tod... More About: Humor , Satire , Casual
Clarification
2008-04-04 03:22:00 My post yesterday may have been confusing to some, so just to clarify for everyone...Conklin's slutty wife is, in fact, dead. But Conklin did not go to jail. That was an April Fools joke.Ha ha.Surprisingly, I have not been invited to the funeral. Lalalala. More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire
April Fools!
2008-04-03 02:52:00 Let me tell you... I really entertained myself yesterday. Here are some of the jokes I played on people:Blair - My wife is pregnant. Ha ha. That's what she gets for giving me a pregnant scare a couple of weeks ago. I gave her the old April Fools! at the end of the day. No sex for me, I'll tell you that. For at least a week. Athena the Lesbian - I got a little curious the other night and I think I'm gay. I didn't let that one go very long. I could see her passing that rumor on immediately with telepathy. Blendi the Unvirgin - I know you're an unvirgin now, but I can't have sex with you because I've become a born again virgin myself. She laughed in my face and said April Fools! How stupid do you think I am? Kristy (formally Wheels) - They've finally proven that all the moon landings have been hoaxes and that the world is actually flat. Being the big conspiracy theory fan that she is, she said, Old news. That was proven years ago.Wheels (formally Plotkin) - You've go... More About: Humor , Satire
From Bad to Worse
2008-04-01 23:48:00 Just when you think you've gotten away with not murdering someone because it was actually an accident, someone accuses you of murder.And when I say you I don't mean me; I mean Conklin.Okay, I'm sure you're all wondering what's going on, so here's what happened:As I've stated previously, I never really intended for Conklin to murder his slutty wife. But I did want his slutty wife to think Conklin would murder her because I convinced him to do so. Then she would know who really wore the pants in the family.So I came up with the perfect murder. Well, perfect in a cartoon sense, that is. I told him to drop a piano on her head from the second floor. But since Conklin doesn't own a piano, he said he could drop a credenza off the balcony of his second floor office, which is right above the front door to his house. Worked for me.I told him I would go to the door, draw her out onto the front porch, then give him the signal to let 'er rip. The signal would be me yelling: Let 'e... More About: Humor , Relationships , Satire
Why Not Murder Your Wife?
2008-03-29 19:51:00 Don't ask Why should I murder my wife? Ask Why not murder my wife? Conklin was depressed today because his wife is a slut. He was also depressed because Blendi the Unvirgin has been missing for weeks. Blendi the Unvirgin has not actually been missing, but has very successfully dodged running into Conklin for weeks. I told Conklin maybe she was dead. That didn't seem to lift his spirits, so I told him maybe she was merely unconscious in a ditch somewhere. But since he has not been able to focus his attention on Blendi the Unvirgin, he has been forced to focus his attention on his slutty wife again. This has depressed him greatly. So I told him it was time to murder his slutty wife. He wasn't down with the idea at first, but then I reminded him just how slutty his wife really was. I told him that she deserved to die and that if he got caught, it would be viewed as a crime of passion and he would get off with Temporary Insanity. Get a male judge, he'll know exactly what the fuck yo... More About: Murder , Humor , Relationships , Wife , Satire
Chelsea the Intern
2008-03-27 01:43:00 Driving into work today, I noticed an email on my Blackberry from Teri with the subject line: New Intern .I opened the message and read: I put the new intern in the cube just outside your office. Desktop support set her up with a laptop and all the necessary logins. She's really cute. I like her.- TeriWhat new intern? When I got off the elevator, I quickly made my way over to the cube outside my office and stared at the empty chair. Teri bounced over with a big smile and stared at the empty chair with me.What new intern?Teri again reiterated how cute and sweet the new intern was. She was impressed by this year's selection. A little early, but I usually pick some complete idiot who doesn't know his head from his ass. This year, however, apparently my pick was stupendous. What new intern? We continued to stare at the empty chair for a moment in silence, Teri brimming with excitement while I was still confused as hell."What new intern?" I asked.Now ... More About: Humor , Chelsea , Satire
7 Reasons I Brought a Prostitute to Work Anyway
2008-03-26 02:15:00 Okay, she's not really a prostitute. More like a stripper who goes the extra mile. Which technically... Well, I guess that makes her a prostitute. The fact that this could happen two days in a row is a little unsettling. And I know this seems like I learned nothing from the mistake Gladstone made yesterday. But really, I had no choice. Here's why:Reason 1: Prostitute s get pissed off when you don't pay them. It's a dirty job to begin with; then someone stiffs you? Well, more accurately you get stiffed twice. Neither time is desirable, but when you get paid, apparently getting stiffed the first time becomes tolerable. If you don't get paid, you feel like you've just been defiled like an innocent child and merciless retribution is in order. Reason 2: Prostitutes are tenacious about getting their money when you don't pay them. You can run, but you can't hide. They will find you.Reason 3: Prostitutes who have a heart of gold are a complete myth. Ho... More About: Humor , Work , Satire , Reasons
7 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Bring a Prostitute to Work
2008-03-25 00:50:00 Reason 1: Prostitute s drink a lot of coffee. Especially in the morning if they can't go to bed. Obviously in the office there are no beds, so sleep is not an option. Although I have lobbied for getting a bed put into one of the lesser used conference rooms, for various reasons--sleep probably being the least important. But since I was unsuccessful, there is no suitable place for a prostitute to sleep. So you go into the kitchen looking for a freshly brewed cup of java, and the pot is empty. Personally, I hate making coffee, so I just curse that goddamn prostitute under my breath and go get a Coke from the machine.Reason 2: Prostitutes eat all the snacks. Prostitutes burn a lot of calories at night, so by morning they're starving. So not only do they drink all the coffee, they eat all the snacks in the office too. Okay, maybe not all the snacks, but all the good snacks. Like if there are donuts, you can say good-bye to all the cream-filled. Yeah, she'll leave all the frosted... More About: Humor , Work , Satire , Reasons
Jesus and the Easter Bunny
More articles from this author:2008-03-23 17:44:00 Easter seems to be the celebration of two things: the resurrection of Jesus Christ and sexual intercourse.Okay, leave it to me to come up with a combo like that. But it is what it is. The Jesus part is obvious. But where did I come up with the Easter = sex deal? It's this Easter Bunny bullshit. Ever wonder what eggs have to do with rabbits? Rabbits don't lay eggs, so what the fuck is a rabbit doing running around with basket of eggs? I used to think he stole them from some bird, which is why he hid them all over the place. And I thought, What a fucking asshole. But according to Wikipedia, eggs, like hares, are symbols for fertility. Why? Because birds and rabbits have nothing better to do than screw and make baby birds and rabbits. Ever hear the term Mad as a March hare? Apparently, this is when male rabbits go nuts and fight each other for the hottest female the can find. Personally, I think all rabbits look alike, so I'm not sure what they're fighting about. But this is breedi... More About: Humor , Easter , Satire 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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