Be KittyBe KittyEntertainment, Politics, and the world as seen through the gay eyes of B. Kitty Articles
Happy Skivvy Day!
2007-08-09 04:00:00 So today is officially National Underwear Day.If any of ya'll are male, single, and of the gay persuasion, Kitty is quite interested in celebrating this very special day with you.And ladies, no discrimination here. A Kitty can still tell you that you look MAJOR in yours as well.Oh, and as a Kitty's gift on this happy happy day, here's a pic of Becks in his underwear. More About: David Beckham , Happy
"There's the Flasher Who Lives Next Door..."
2007-08-08 04:38:00 The title here is a reference from "Good Morning, Baltimore" which is by far the catchiest tune in the musical version of Hairspray .And speaking of Hairspray, Kitty wrote a great lil critique of it over at Elle Review . And if you are in the mood to read something particular entertaining (aka Kitty and the amazing Christina eviscerating someone in blog format) make sure to read the comments on that entry.Now enough back-patting. Today through Thursday, Design Diva and our wee li'l graphic artist who Kitty affectionately calls Wiggles (yes, in real life - much to her chagrin) are away at training learning how to be Flash ers.Sadly, this Flashing does not involve exposing our genitals (yet) but deals more with that fantastic li'l web design tool called Macromedia Flash. In short, its what ya'll use to view those fun animations on the web, and cool interactive toys. And it is JUST as fun for the designer to use.Now us three are training for three days, so if any of you bitches laugh or...
Better than a Bible Fight...Its Orphan Feast!
2007-08-06 19:24:00 Who would have EVER thought in a million years that there could be a game more fun than Bible Fight - the game that pits two Biblical characters against each other? (BTW, Kitty still giggles with glee at the Virgin Mary Rosary Whip!)Well, the geniuses at [adult swim] have done it!Introducing Orphan Feast !This game puts you in the role of a creepy Victorian-era kidnapper bent on kidnapping orphans with the sole purpose of later eating them, beating up tubby prostitutes, and fleeing from authority figures with the help of your trusty pick-axe.Play it. Trust a Kitty...you'll be adickted in no time.And speaking of addictions...are ya'll reading Elle Review? It is amazing, delightful, devilish, and drunk. And go fig - Kitty's a contributor. It's a must read. More About: Bible Fight , Adult Swim
But Stiff Back or Stiff Knees You'll Stand Straight at...
2007-08-02 06:23:00 Tiffany's...Baubles are a Kitty's best friend!(And shame on you for not knowing the reference for the title and the first few lines of this entry. If you didn't you are required by LAW to watch the video below!)A Kitty very recently got a raise...a healthy one...and a promotion.So he did what all responsible adults do when good things like this happen! A bitch went shopping.And he traded in his old (2 years - eek!) Tiffany Atlas keychain for a brand new horse-shoe one.And an Atlas ring.And he's avidly looking into trading in his Saab in exchange for a Jag. A sexy one. British racing green. With lots of wood trim and packed full of gadgets.And...quite potentially...a delicious loft/condo.It is not easy being this easy...er...it's not cheap being this easy....uh....Bein' a Kitty isn't cheap! More About: Work , School , Tiffany , Back , Straight
Something You NEVER Want to Hear
2007-07-30 01:29:00 Today is Sunday, and this Kitty is famished. After seeing Hairspray at the movies (which was SO good!) and finishing reading the last 600 pages of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Kitty had decided to treat himself to some Thai take-out from his favorite little Thai restaurant - the Thai Cafe.So he calls his order in.ThaiMan: Thai Cafe, hep you?Kitty: Hey! I'd like to make a carry out order, please.ThaiMan: (muffled giggling) I'm sorry, we are closed for the night. Kitty: Oh, I thought ya'll were open on Sunday! I'm sorry.ThaiMan: We are actually crosed for a month.Kitty: A month? Uhm, ok.ThaiMan: Yes, a month. We told we need to do some kitchen cleanup. Ah, I mean, repairs.Kitty: Oh crap.ThaiMan: Goodbye!Some things about your favorite restaurants you just don't want to know. Like what the heck would be so bad that it would require a month to clean up a kitchen?So maybe cashew kitty WAS on the menu at that place. Damn. At least it was tasty. More About: Hear
It Rubs the Lotion on It's Skin...
2007-07-30 01:12:00 If you are a "Silence of the Lambs" fan like Kitty is (who could get tired of fava beans and a nice chianti?!) you will absolutely LOVE this fun little song and video that Jimmylicious sent a Kitty's way. More About: Skin , Lotion
When Kitty Met MIkey - A Sorta Urban Fairytale
2007-07-26 22:41:00 Once upon a time, in a city filled with buildings that were so tall they seemed to touch the sky, there was a traveler named Kitty . Kitty had come to the city by the great lake to spend three days learning about modern technology and how humans interact with it. The first two days were uneventful for our hero - downpours of rain, gloomy weather, and days full of intense concentration had kept him holed away in his tower near the river.But on the third day, Fate smiled on Kitty. The sun shone like it had never done before. Sailboats dotted the lake. This magical city had come to life. And Kitty, as characters in stories like this one so often do, decided to go for a walk.He was surrounded by delicious aromas of baking pizza crust, savory Chinese food, baking bread....and the sounds of cars zooming by. Street musicians seemed to pop out of the crevasses between buildings, playing Irish folk music, or a lonely song on a saxophone.And Kitty, being easily intrigued and caught up in the m... More About: Urban , Tale , Orta , Fairytale
Fat Celebrities
2007-07-26 22:35:00 So it is completely a guilty pleasure, but looking at PlanetHiltron.com is one of Kitty's favorite things to do during his work day.Check out this MASTERPIECE - Dave and Vicky Beckham:Granted, Kitty doesn't take too kindly to ANYONE talkin' smack about his favorite celeb couple. That said, Becks is so universally hot that he can look good even with bad hair and a terrible suit.And just for kicks, here's a naked picture of him. A Kitty never gets tired of linking to that. More About: David Beckham , Celebrities , Posh , Posh Spice
Mama Mia!
2007-07-25 23:39:00 They play this little gem at Showtunes every Tuesday, and it faithfully sends a Kitty into peals of laughter as only child abuse can do. The music begins at about two and a half minutes.Enjoy! More About: Humor , Music , Mama , Mama Mia
Wicked Gay
2007-07-25 19:39:00 So for weeks now, Mr. E and Jimmylicious have been telling a Kitty about an eccentric performance that happens every Tuesday night at a gay bar near Kitty's house.Not a drag show or some elaborately planned performance, but something more homegrown.Tuesday nights at the Loading Zone is "Showtunes Extravaganza." (Their words - Kitty does NOT use the word extravaganza.) All the little twinks come to sing and dance along with their fag hags (or fruit flies, as Kitty likes to say) and generally flame out.Kitty, Mr. E, and Jimmylicious go to do what we do best - judge. Well, maybe second best, but we'll not talk about that in such a public forum.Moving along.Every Tuesday during this aforementioned extravaganza (d'oh - Kitty used the word) one particular patron, who looks very much like someone's father, clad in khaki shorts and a button down shirt, puts on a witch hat, grabs a broom, and lip-syncs to a song from the musical "Wicked " from the top of the bar. All the while getting gre... More About: Gay men , Gay Bar
B. Kitty's Official Biography
2007-07-25 18:54:00 Impressing a Kitty is not an easy feat at all. So, when the amazing Christina from Elle Review wrote this little gem of a biography of him, Kitty knew he had to share it.If B.Kitty knew how side splitting he was B.Kitty would undoubtedly bitch slap us all and move on to bigger and better things. So, as a community we take matters into our own hands and make it a priority to put Kitty down. It?s for his own good! We also like to act like we have seen him naked.. and that it?s tiny, itty bitty.B. Kitty writes another blog when we release him for recreation time every three days? b-kitty.blogspot.com and don?t feel bad for B.Kitty, he has the looks to compliment his sense of humor. Take it easy ladies.. trust me, he?s not interested.. I?ve tried, many times.Along with browsing through search engines for starved socialites and other huge celebs digging wedgies out of their Prada trousers Kitty likes long walks on the beach?..bars??.blindfolds?. whippings??.safe words??..Couldn't have s... More About: Biography , Al B , Official , Graph
Moola - Better than Crack!
2007-07-24 20:39:00 If you're a big nerd like Kitty, you may as well kiss your significant other and your social life goodbye.There's a HOT game out there on the Internets right now - Moola !In short, Moola gives each user a free penny. This is a real penny - not a fake credit or anything like that. You play a short game (like Rock, Paper, Scissors) against someone else on your level who also has one penny. You beat them - you've now got two pennies.Your pennies double every time. Win 30 games in a row, and you get just over ten million dollars. For real. And you can cash out at ANY time. Get to $200, cash out, get a check in the mail. Pretty easy.This is the Internet's first game show.Kitty has THREE invitations - click here - and they're all yours. Well, the first three anyway.If you beat a Kitty though...he's going to write horrible terrible things about you on his blog. More About: Money , Game Show , Crack
Ask Kitty - The Best Advice Column in the US!
2007-07-23 22:48:00 So some of ya'll have secretly been writing in to Kitty and asking what he thinks about this situation or that situation in your personal lives.A Kitty was so touched that you actually were soliciting him for advice that he decided he'd write his own advice column. For real!So, meet Ask Kitty! For all your burning questions, and burning sensations.All questions and correspondence regarding Ask Kitty are anonymous - so feel free to write in about whatever you want. And spread the good word throughout the blogosphere - Ask Kitty is the best advice column in the US! This project is dear to a Kitty's heart - he used to do this for an unnamed newspaper, and misses it so much. Show some link love if ya'll are feeling generous! (Oh, and I'm going for "The best advice column in the US" if you wanna help me with the Google results.)Ask away! More About: Advice , Column , The U
Give 'Em Elle!
2007-07-23 21:48:00 Meet Elle Review!Elle Review, the brainchild of the lovely and amazing Christina Cedeno, boasts Reviews, Booze, and Some News.And...drum roll...please...Kitty is actually a contributing author! Check out his first feature at Elle Review.Read Elle. Recommend Elle. Love Elle.If you don't, we'll come to your house and cut your face, cuz that's how bitches fight. More About: Give
Goodbye, Bright Eyes
2007-07-22 07:40:00 Thank you, Tammy Faye, for being an inspiration.For being the only Christian during a time of condemnation that told the gay community that we could still be Christians......that God still loved us.And that YOU loved us.Thank you for being flawed. And FABULOUS.When you said, "When we lost everything, it was the gay people that came to my rescue, and I will always love them for that," you touched a Kitty. And not like his dirty uncle touched him. We will always love you too, Bright Eyes . Enjoy Heaven. You've earned your place. And if you're feeling particularly mischievous, look down toward Hell and laugh at Jerry Fallwell. He's earned his place too. Goodbye , beautiful. More About: Death , Tammy Faye Messner
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Finally Here
2007-07-21 20:09:00 This Kitty is a Harry Potter fanatic. And not just because of an incredible crush on Ronald Weasley.While enjoying some incredibly tasty Alamos chardonnay at Brennan's with Auburn and Bama, we noticed a parade of wee witches, wizards, house elves, and other creatures in the magical community heading north of where we were."Oh! Harry Potter comes out tonight. I bet they're having a party at Left Bank Books," exclaimed Kitty."Yeah, they have two streets entirely blocked off," said Auburn."We should go check it out," said Bama."Yeah, and see what hot wizard nerds Kitty can find for himself. Would it be out of line to ask a cute one to touch my magic wand?" said Kitty.So we trek toward Left Bank, which is approx three blocks away. The scene was truly magical, and the Central West End (Kitty's eccentric 'hood) at its best.The Missouri Botanical Garden was doing "Herbology" demonstrations just like Madame Sprout did in the books. Fitz's rootbeer became "Butter beer" to match the the... More About: Wine , Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows , Deathly Hallows , Louis
Kitty's Milkshake Brings All the Bears to the Yard
2007-07-20 18:56:00 Last Saturday night, Mr. E, who will be called so to mask his real name, rings a Kitty on the telly."Hey Kitty! What's shakin? What are you and Bama gonna do tonight? Auburn's out of town, right?""Yep, E. We'll prolly watch a movie or something.""Wanna go to JJ's with me and Jimmylicious?" says E.:: crickets chirp :: JJ's is a leather/bear bar.to the side, hand covering phone, "Bama, you wanna go check out some sweaty beary men with manstank?""Sure. Alright. You gotta pretend to be my boy-frien tho" says Bama."Aight, E. We're in. We'll be at your house at 10."So Kitty decides what to wear. After ironing two shirts, Kitty comes to his senses and throws on jeans, a tshirt, his hot red Pumas, and a ballcap. Bears like minimal, and Kitty likes to please.We get to JJ's (after unabashedly being called a faggot by one of E's neighbors - a 12 year old with a mullet that looked like a butch bull dyke) and Kitty knew he was going to LOVE the place.Doorman to Kitty: Can I see your ID?... More About: Yard , Ears
Holy Sexual Fantasy, Batman! It's Batman!
2007-07-20 18:42:00 Kitty has just returned from a brief - yet informative and relaxing - work trip to Chicago , Kitty's second favorite city.While the guest speaker's Irish accent was completely sexy, the speaker himself lectured at us conventioneers for 8 hours. Two days in a row. Kitty learned a lot. Including the fact that his attention deficit disorder prohibits him from being lectured at for more than 3 hours without a Kitty falling asleep or daydreaming about sex and or Giordano's pizza. Kitty would have rather fucked himself with a hotdog that had a rusty nail sticking out of it than listened to an 8 hour lecture.And, although it sadly rained in Chicago for much of Kitty's time there, two fantastic and exciting things did happen.First, a Kitty found the most amazing little Chinese restaurant. Seriously. Its worth a five hour drive to Chicago to eat at this place. Its called 65 Chinese Restaurant, and has a charming little story and the best orange chicken and fried rice a Kitty has ever cons... More About: Batman , Chinese Food , Fantasy , Christian Bale
Welcome to Hell. I'm Your Tour Guide, Dick Cheney.
2007-07-20 18:36:00 Saw this terrifying lil snippet on CNN today.Cheney to become president?brieflyWASHINGTON (CNN) ? President Bush will undergo a routine colonoscopy Saturday, and will transfer power to Vice President Dick Cheney during the procedure, expected to take about two and a half hours, the chief White House spokesman said.Tony Snow said Friday that the procedure, during which a doctor looks for any signs of cancer, will be carried out at Camp David, Maryland, and the president will be placed under anesthesia.Bush?s last colonoscopy was in June 2002, and no abnormalities were found, Snow said.No abnormalities, eh? This Kitty is guessing this time around doctors will find President Bush's head in his ass during the course of the aforementioned rectal procedure.Also expect President Cheney to fully sell Iraq to Halliburton, declare war on Canada, Mexico and France, and to introduce secret legislation to eliminate democrats, non-Christians, and people of color. He'll also surely begin constru... More About: Satan , War , Tour
14 Random Facts and One Holy Arrival
2007-07-13 20:36:00 The boss has been away, so the Kitty has been at play. Hence, the lack of blogging, which is usually done during a busy work morning to break up the day. Thanks for your concern about a Kitty's whereabouts - it is always so touching to know ya'll miss my ass. Especially you, Christina. It warmed our little Kitty heart.So, because nothing is pissing a Kitty off or influencing him to do good at the moment, here are 14 random thoughts. (Not to be confused with previous 15 random thoughts.) 1. The movie Sicko rocks. A Kitty understands that not everyone is a Michael Moore fan, but why are the bitches all up in arms because he is suggesting that Americans finally get universal healthcare? What's the problem in that? We should be getting universal healthcare. Shit. 2. Dating hiatus is officially over. Not because a Kitty is dating someone. Quite the contrary. A really great and somewhat attractive guy and Kitty spent an evening together having coffee and getting to know each other. Ki... More About: Facts , Harry Potter , Random , Becks , Hotness
Any Conversation that Starts with, "Dad, Am I Still Covered on Your Insuran
2007-07-06 19:11:00 Especially if it happens after you drop the hay bale stabber into the side of someone's house and back up leaving a puncture hole.But more on that in a minute.Kitty has been missing in action for a good few days now. (PS - Thanks for the concern, GayBiPolar Guy - a Kitty hearts you!)Once in awhile, life in the city gets a lil too busy for this Kitty. So naturally, he heads back to Three Lakes Ranch, theGodfather's ranch outside Kansas City to recharge and slow down a little bit.So Saturday morning, after the visit to the lab, Kitty prepared to make the three hour drive home. Entirely hung over.About halfway home, a Kitty's stomach began to feel like there was a little man inside of it wearing spikey shoes running amok. The nearest greasy restaurant? Kentucky Fried Crap. Yes, a Kitty ate KFC. Horrid.A Kitty could banter for hours about his trip, but won't. Highlights in a Kitty's absence include:* Drunken Uncle Kitty telling 10 year old niece Tori: "Bring Uncle Kitty that sparkl... More About: Family , Insurance , Teeth , Yellow , Auburn
Sexually Transmitted Saturday
2007-07-06 18:53:00 Saturday morning was even more trouble due to Friday night.Kitty had to wake up at 7 a.m. to go do his annual s.t.d. screening. Thank goodness the lab is directly across the street from Kitty's crib. We've got to make a comment here. Kitty can be somewhat of a hypochondriac - he's convinced himself of having everything from the bird flu to the hanta virus. Therefore, it was completely natural for a Kitty to think that he'd contracted HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia. Yes, a Kitty does a lot of fooling around. No, a Kitty does NOT participate in unprotected sex under any circumstance.But, being gay, and a hypochondriac...it's easy - and somewhat reasonable to convince oneself of multitude STDs.Kitty's results came back about three days later - and he's clean as a whistle, as he logically should have expected to be.So here's a call to action. Getting tested is scary as fuck. Seriously. Nobody wants to hear that they've contracted a disease. BUT...If you're sexually act... More About: Saturday , Mitt , Mitte , Ally , Tran
Friday Night Smackdown
2007-07-06 17:53:00 Friday night was trouble.YellowFever called a Kitty and said, "Let's meet and have a glass or two of wine." Kitty, having a mad straight-crush on Yellow and having known and adored her since high school, gladly obliged. Throughout the evening, we were joined by Cockbag, Jimmylicious, Auburn, Bama, and Yellow's uberhot fiancee who we will call IcyBlues .Nearly 15 bottles of Alamos Chardonnay (try it, its cheap, and you will LOVE it) later, the entire group was feeling great. Yellow and a Kitty began at 6 pm and our party closed Brennan's down at 1:30. It was a tag team event, and although team Yellow/Kitty fought valiantly, team Booze gets the championship belt.Fuck that hurt the next day. More About: Wine , Night , Friday
Perpetual Kid = Perpetual Fun!
2007-06-29 17:39:00 A Kitty has two blue fingers today.There was ... an incident ... last night on the homefront with a blue sharpie, and now the stuff won't come off. Dammit. It looks like a Kitty has been doing horribly obscene things to a Smurf...In other news, this Kitty is completely in LOVE with Perpetual Kid. Today we purchased the Avenging Unicorn Playset, which looks as exciting as it sounds. Impaling a mime always accounts for fun and good times. We also purchased the MonKeys, which were too cute, and will look great on a Kitty's Tiffany keychain.And speaking of in love...A Kitty is in serious love. Not the storybook kind with the happily ever after, the street kind where you see someone, fall in love, and immediately think of molesting them like your drunken uncle used to molest you. Well, maybe not. The uncle was probably less exciting.Anyway, his name is Trevor. He likes Mentos. You can check him out online at that link. He's an intern for Mentos, and he will make appointments for you, ...
The B. Kitty Blog Awards
2007-06-28 18:25:00 A Kitty is quite often inspired. Those of you gracious enough to let this Kitty know who you are by leaving wonderful comments and posting brilliant entries of your own influence a Kitty's writing style and daily life.Without further ado, here are the winners of the first annual B. Kitty blogger awards, and links to Kitty's personal favorite posts. (Awards are given in no particular order).Domestic Minx (Favorite post: Sunday Sleepy Soft and Slow)Paris Romance (Favorite Post: Motherhood Doesn't Make You Special)Bitter Cup of Joe (Favorite Post: Cafe Conversations from April 26)Tall Freak (Favorite Post: My Interview With Sarah Silverman)Gay Bipolar Guy (Favorite Post: Chapter 8: A Quaint Remembrance)Angry Black Bitch (Favorite Post: Pondering the Newest Blunt...)The Longest Night (Favorite Post: Eulogy)Cockbag (Favorite Post: Why Did I Come Into Work Today?)Go Fug Yourself (Favorite Post: Spice Up Your Fug!)dListed (Favorite Post: Drawn by a 5-Year-Old Sociopath, or Paris Hilton?... More About: Blog Awards , Blogs , Blog
So Which One is 'Old Spice?'
2007-06-28 17:05:00 Today is a rainy one here in the Central West End, so what could brighten a Kitty's heart more than...unbelievable...magical....the Third coming (cuz upstaging Jesus just isn't right)...the Spice Girls Reunion.So Posh , Scary, Sporty, Baby, and Ginger will all be back and better than ever.So who gets the title of Old Spice? Geri Halliwell...c'mon down! You're the next contestant on "The Bitch is Too Old for This!"Granted, a Kitty LOVES him some Spice Girls like nobody's bidness, but Geri is the one who broke them up to begin with, and it is a bit tough to like her still. Will she still be the lead Spice? Mel C. (Sporty) and Emma Bunton (Baby) have both had extremely successful solo careers - Geri didn't.Maybe we should make Posh the lead Spice...she got the best gig out of her former Spice-dom. She's fucking Becks (who is naked in this pic). And, she's made the successful transition to FemBot.Team Posh!And speaking of Posh and Becks, this Kitty feels that it is entirely self...
Every Time You Exacerbate, God Kills a Kitten
2007-06-26 23:17:00 Once in awhile, a Kitty is wrong.It happens rarely, but when a Kitty makes a mistake, he does it in typical Kitty fashion - large-scale and everyone knows it.Therefore, we stand corrected. Yes. We were wrong. Not completely, but still somewhat.Gay Pride is something that Kitty has previously not attended. By choice. Once upon a time - waaaaaay back in the 1970s before a Kitty came around (he's only 25 - birth certificates lie) there was a need for it. Men were forced to remain in the closet. Coming out was not an option. Pride was a way to show the straight community that we were no different from them, and that being a 'mo was nothing to be ashamed of. Flash forward to today. Being gay is...dare a Kitty say it...almost normal. Sure, persecution still happens. People still get called "fag." But we're on television. We openly hold public office. We participate in church services, and before long - inevitably and optimistically - we will be getting married. What is Gay Pride about... More About: Time , Kill , Kitten
She's NOT the Crazy Cat Lady!
2007-06-22 19:25:00 MediaMaven to Kitty:"I can't have a guy right now...I've got too many cats."Love it.MediaMaven, for you St. Louis readers, is a coworker of Kitty's. She's tall, she's funny, she's got incredible taste in music, and if you don't mind boobs that are on the smaller side, she's available just for you!MediaMaven (patent pending) leads an active lifestyle! She runs, she's a vegetarian (even though you can slip her the beef any time you want if you talk to her real nice), and fellas - she's got some serious street cred.Back in the early 90s (she's 34 now) when Maven was still in high school, she was a skater. She hung out with other skaters - all honor roll students, mind you - and once upon a time our dear lil Maven and her skater friends saw a car load of police officers. Maven, hating authority as only an upper middle class white suburban girl can, shouted out the window, "Pigs suck dick!" which promptly got her friends pulled over. Maven got away scott free! So, not only doe... More About: Media , Dating , Crazy , Lady
Falling in Love Again
More articles from this author:2007-06-21 21:53:00 "Grandma, is that you" exclaimed a Kitty the first time he saw Marlene Dietrich on television. "No, Christopher, that is not your grandmother," she chuckled. "That is Marlene Dietrich, and she is the best actress that ever lived. Besides, she's much older than me."Still, the resemblances were astounding. The high cheekbones, the ice cold eyes, the voice that was too deep for a woman yet so feminine, the German pride that kept her chin high no matter what she was feeling.She taught Kitty how to ride a bike, and the story of that was the first real thing that Kitty ever got published. She stumbled over the letter "s" as many German speakers do - the sink was always the "zink" and the word "pistachio" was a lost cause.Her hands were soft, her accent was charming, and every time a Kitty was down, she sang "Fall ing in Love Again" or "Sunny Side of the Street," which are still two of Kitty's very favorite songs. She loved the Grand Ole Opry, making Christmas cookies with WAY too much fr... More About: In Love Again 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
|
 |
|
 |
