The Clumsy NinjaThe Clumsy NinjaBe witness to my quirky observations, irony, some hypocrisy, and me coming into my own. Articles
Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie
2008-03-06 03:29:00 We are going to stick a Post-it note with the following message on the lids of all the toilets in the house:"If you sprinkleWhen you tinkle,Please be neatAnd wipe the seatWIPE IT UP, FREAK!"Think he'll get the hint?(Pst! I think that would make a good Sharpie "write out loud" commercial too!)I also hid the brownie mixes and other food goodies (and only Holly, Haley, and I know the secret hiding place). We're tired of him eating EVERYTHING that we make. Then again, he is a diabetic and the goodies that he steals are sweets and desserts so... Maybe we should just let him gorge. Then it really would be suicide and we wouldn't have to cover any tracks.Just kidding. I'm no murderer, but man, he makes me feel like being a bitch. More About: Wipe
I've never lit a cat on fire before though.
2008-03-05 22:22:00 From Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut:"He had a nose like a prize strawberry.""My soul seemed as foul as smoke from burning cat fur."I just love the imagery, don't you? More About: Fire
Dos equis--no, not that kind!
2008-03-05 22:07:00 I just realized that I'm going to be 20 in a few months. TWENTY. Decade number two.I don't feel nearly 20. I don't look it either. I wonder if my birth certificate is wrong. There's no way I'm going to be 20.171 days to go until I'm old. Even M. has been teasing me about being old. Ancient. Dinosaur. Dirt.Exiting the teenage years even as I type. =D(If I was Greek I'd be turning XX.)
dedrater si retupmoc yM
2008-03-05 21:38:00 When beginning my last post, my keyboard suddenly went in reverse.I typed this:"The very defini[tion...]"And got this:How can that even happen? Odd. Last night, my keyboard completely died for about 2-3 minutes. Ugh.
The very definition of "profundity"
2008-03-05 21:20:00 One of my lab partners today: "Mr. [Astronomy Teacher Dude], I have a serious question. Really. I was wondering about something serious..."Astronomy teacher (dude): (Raises eyebrows and looks suspicious) "Yeah, okay, serious question."Lab partner: "Okay, so I was giving CPR to a dummy just now in another class and I was wondering... Do other planets have an ozone layer? Like, it just came to me. Do other planets have one? "Astronomy teacher: "CPR?"Punk guy in the back of the room who has NEVER spoken in that class before: "Ha! That's a stretch."[General amazement that lab partner's epiphany actually brought sullen punk dude to actually exercise his vocal cords. If it wasn't for partner's epiphany, sullen punk dude's larynx might have atrophied until he sounded like Edith.]Lab partner: "Yeah, and I was just thinking about it."[Here, everyone started laughing because he thought he'd had a genuine epiphany.]Astronomy teacher: "Um, no. Just Earth as far as we know.... More About: Definition
Inanimate objects have sense of humor too
2008-03-05 21:12:00 Spotted today:Pickup with big "SIEMENS" decal on door. What kind of company is that?!(D.H. and I were leaving psychology when I saw it and suddenly blurted out, "Look! That truck has SEMEN on it!" And then we laughed hysterically and probably attracted a few fearful stares.)Car with "SHANANIGANS" window decal completely covering back glass.Church sign: "'We need to talk.' --God" More About: Humor , Sense , Objects
It's enough to make me fear marriage
2008-03-04 22:55:00 I stumbled onto this article and it left me in hysterics. It reminds me of having to be a bridesmaid for a redneck friend of ours. She had her wedding in a little church, which is typical for the area.(Bible Belt--there are SO MANY CHURCHES!!!!!1)But. Despite the rather nice setting (I mean, church wedding is kind of automatically classy), she went wayyyy white trash with it. Us bridesmaids (she only had 3 and since I was one and I don't even like her, it didn't speak too well for her social status at all, but then again, I don't have any friends of the female variety (in real life) at all) had to wear the tackiest dresses ever. The bride bought them from Body Shop (now called Body Central around here) which typically caters to the skanky not-sure-if-I'm-straight-lesbian-or-just- slutty club girl clientele. Don't cry if you're one of them, I'm sure I'm guilty of purchasing something from there a time or too as well. Ick. I better go wash my hands. Forty percent off a... More About: Marriage , Fear , Make
Retaliatory randomness!
2008-03-04 00:31:00 When discussing taste aversion (and smell, etc.) in psych, some students wished to contribute personal examples...Very talkative/random girl in the back of the room: "Because of the smells of all the perfumes, I always get sick when I go inside Victoria's Secret."D.H.: "That's odd. I always get hard when I go in there. Hmmm..." More About: Randomness
Cat drool and midget cake
2008-03-03 19:47:00 Psych teacher: "So classical conditioning would be like the cat from the example who would 'meow and drool hungrily' upon hearing the can opener... Hmmm. Has anyone ever seen a cat drool? I have never seen a cat drool before--"Very talkative/random girl in the back of the room: "--They do if you shoot 'em."Eyes widened everywhere.She was serious.Last week...Psych teacher: "Sometimes that can manifest in a phobia, or irrational fear. I'm sure we all know someone with an irrational fear. Like, I know of a guy who is afraid of mayonnaise."[Here, D.H. and I shared a look because we both know a guy who is terrified of mustard--I pity the poor soul who accidentally comes near him with French's. He'd go postal-apeshipe-ballistic and kill them with his super Army boot camp ninja skills.]Continuing... "Some people are afraid of all dogs after being bitten by just one. Spiders, snakes, darkness, heights--"Very talkative/random girl in the back of the room: "--I know a guy wh... More About: Cake
Obscene limericks: a new anger management therapy technique
2008-03-02 04:49:00 One of my mom's "friends" has been living here for two weeks, UNWELCOME and UNINVITED. He is one of the most ignorantly self-righteous people I have ever met. And while he can (sometimes, occasionally, every now and again) be a nice guy, I'm getting really tired of him being here... Plus, I want my bathroom back to myself. NEVER come between a girl and her bathroom. Or her closet. Or her mascara. She will exact her revenge in strange and unusual ways.I present to you, for your humorous enjoyment, some poorly-crafted limericks that express my displeasure:There once was a man named Ray.Who was overwhelmingly gay.Because he's the ass of a horse,He's soon to be divorced.And then (ha!) won't he have to pay!Gay Ray is such a schmuck.Living with him totally sucks.I can't wait 'til he leaves,He gives me dry heaves,Himself, I think, he should go fuck.[Plus, he practically stole my old truck.]Gay Ray, you're such a punk,And you smell like a dirty old skunk,You don't belong her... More About: Management , Technique , Anger Management , Anger , Therapy
Thanks, Mom!
2008-03-02 02:32:00 My mom knows me so well! Look what she got me:I can't wait to make some tea!
Bigfoot, fog, 1400 bibles
2008-03-02 02:09:00 M.: "It's really foggy."Me: "I hope there aren't any deer. We wouldn't see them until BAM!"M.: "Hell, Bigfoot could run out in front of me and I wouldn't see him."Me: "That would suck. I don't have my camera with me."M.: "I wouldn't take his picture, I'd run over him and get rich."Me: "Eek."M.: "I wonder if my insurance would cover that? Hello, Geico? I ran over Bigfoot. Yeah, you know, like Sasquatch? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Am I covered? WHAT?! What do you mean?! You're a talking lizard, how is Bigfoot too far-fetched?!"Me: "Hee hee hee. Aflac! Aflac! Ass-crack!"It was so foggy, we drove right by the city we were going to. A city full of lights, normally visible a mile away... Didn't see 'em until we passed the exit. It was creepy. We half-expected everything to shut down, just as safety precaution. Solid fog for more than 60 miles. I have NEVER seen weather like that before.I kept begging him to let me stick my bare feet out of the sunroof of his ca... More About: Bibles
Happy f-ing Leap Day
2008-02-29 23:04:00 I'm glad days like this only come around every four years. Now, if I could just somehow fix myself so that I only screw up every four years too...Today would have been a cool excuse to celebrate a nonexistent cause too. Now my whole Leap Day is utterly in ruins and I'll have to wait nearly a half-decade for another one....On another note, I hope if/when I ever have children, they are born on Leap Day. Only one birthday party/gift every four years saves a heck of a lot of money!"Tomorrow is my birthday, Mommy?""It sure is!"Next day..."Today is my birthday, Mommy?""Hmmm... Well, look at that! It's March 1st! Oh, well. Better luck next year, kiddo.""Wahhhhhhhhh..."...I'm such a horrible person.Edit: Because I'm a naturally curious person, I decided to figure out how to make that possible. According to calculations (who knew they had calculators like that?!), I discovered that in order for children to be born on the ever elusive but frugal Leap Day, conception dates would ... More About: Happy
Epiphany
2008-02-29 05:58:00 One of the best things about me: sometimes, I don't follow conventional thinking.One of the worst things about me: sometimes, I don't follow conventional thinking....And just to keep this from getting too serious...Alternately, there is this Urban Dictionary variety of epiphany:epiphanyA blow job given to a guy while the girl has Pop Rocks in her mouth....But I meant the first one. More About: Epiphany
It's the television repair people, dummy
2008-02-28 23:17:00 Holly: "Whoa! Look outside! There's a huge yellow truck outside!"Me:: "Yeah, so?"Holly: "What kind of truck is it?"Me "A huge, yellow one. Duh!"No wonder my nickname around here is "Smartass." More About: Television , People , Repair , Dummy
There really is!
2008-02-28 23:09:00 "There's dinosaur piss in everything!"Stupid Overheard Everywhere is keeping me from doing my homework. It's especially funny today for some reason.
Pet a fish with a spoon!
2008-02-28 22:49:00 Looking for random things to do when you're really, really bored? Go to randomthingstodo.com.Other favorites of mine:Interview a tree in a public place.Try to get only one result for a search, and all the words have to be real.Wear cat ears and go ice skating.Say "What's up?" to a duck.Have a comfort competition in a furniture store.Draw smiley faces on oranges.Count how many crayons you can put up each one of your nostrils.Put peanut butter on your dog/cat's nose and watch them lick it off.Put a plastic bag over your head and try not to pass out.Pretend you're a goldfish when it's raining out and chase raindrops like a goldfish would.Put 100 grapes in your mouth and spit them out at random people.Eat a puffin. Yes, a puffin.Pretend you are a moose.Eat some cat litter.Eat a Barbie's head.Lick a goat. More About: Fish , Spoon
Opium: Use and Abuse in Romantic Era England (another essay)
2008-02-28 22:30:00 Editing. More About: England , Abuse , Romantic , Essay
Lord Byron: a kindred spirit!
2008-02-28 21:40:00 From "Childe Harold's Pilgrimage:"CXRVI have not loved the world, nor the world me,—But let us part fair foes ; I do believe,Though I have found them not, that there may beWords which are things,—hopes which will not deceive,And virtues which are merciful, nor weaveSnares for the failing ; I would also deemO'er others' griefs that some sincerely grieve;That two, or one, are almost what they seem,—That goodness is no name, and happiness no dream.This stanza is me. Cynical, skeptical, pessimistic. He completed his entire life without ever finding his niche in society. I foresee that my own life will turn out like that. And that doesn't bother me at all.I have so many people tell me that I should simply "be more optimistic." I'm sure they're right, but I can't. I'm just not optimistic. I'm not bright, cheerful, or friendly. I'm not an extroverted lover of society and I doubt that I ever will be. I'm a dark, gloomy introvert. I'm glad that at least one other ... More About: Lord , Spirit
Memento mori
2008-02-26 16:05:00 I had a series of standard scary end-of-the-world-due-to-zombies-and-evil- conspiracies dreams a few nights ago. These are quite common because of all the horror/slasher movies I tend to watch on a fairly regular basis. However, after all of those stupid would-be nightmares (if I wasn't already so used to the scary movie effect), I had a very poignant dream. Upon waking, I was so certain that it was meaningful, that I leapt out of M.'s bed and scrambled to find a pen and an old receipt on which to record it before the swirling desert sands of my mind erased it.In this dream, I was walking down a quiet neighborhood sidewalk, though in a neighborhood in which I've never been. Somehow, I think it was Klickitat Street and I could nearly have been Ramona (Beverly Cleary fans rejoice). I wasn't, but the neighborhood through which I was walking is exactly how I always imagined Ramona's world. In my dream, it was springtime. I was strolling along, looking down. I could only see ... More About: Mori
Poppy seed bagels + drug test = probably not good
2008-02-26 06:06:00 I'm doing a research paper for my English lit. class on opium use and abuse in Romantic Era England (Coleridge, de Quincy, etc.). Is anyone interested in reading it for critical or even just entertainment or learning purposes? If I post it, it will be purely for my joy of writing such things (I'm an essayist at heart) but proofreading and constructive criticism would be welcome as well.Any takers?(If it sounds boring as hell, then by all means say so. Of course, that may only inspire me to post it in spite of the pleas... Just to torture your already ninja-mangled eyeballs. Eyelid potato chips and whatnot. But hey, I'd still like to know if it sounds completely boring.)Warning #1: It'll be long. As in 3-5 pages, typed, double-spaced, MLA style (sidenote: nothing pains me more than to hear a sophomore college student exclaim in fear and confusion, "What is MLA?!" I swear, the universe comes to a grinding halt during those times).Warning #2: I may post an unfinished ver... More About: Test , Drug , Good , Seed
Hallelujah!
2007-12-13 16:23:00 Science final is over. I looked over an entire semester's notes for about 10 minutes, committed what I could to short-term memory, bubbled in my scantron answers as quickly as I could. And then I was outta there! I hope I got at least a B. I can live with a B...I am finally DONE with this semester. All I have to do now is wait for my teachers to post my final grades. One month, free from academic responsibility! Sweet!I will probably never use any of what I just learned.I'm hungry. More About: Hallelujah , Halle
I work better under pressure
2007-12-13 06:48:00 That's what I keep telling myself.It is almost midnight and I haven't even started studying for my comprehensive science exam. The one that is at 8 freakin' AM.I need to get busy. I'm going to have to get up at dammit o'clock in the morning again. I probably won't have time to cram in the morning either. Better get started now.Wish me luck. This will probably be the hardest of all.But after 10:00 tomorrow, I'm done. Done. Done. Done. DONE.HOORAY!Update: Oh, how I loathe studying. I think I just might not. "Winging it" seems like a good plan to me! More About: Work
I'm surrounded by idiots
2007-12-13 01:21:00 M. and I went to a local cyber cafe for a late lunch after our tests. This place has recently started selling lunch in addition to the myriad of nasty coffee-based products and pastries. They have even erected big banners outside proclaiming that they now have food. Sandwiches and paninis and things like that.Today it was false advertising.We've been eating there since they started the lunch thing. And they are always ridiculously slow. It doesn't take 20-30 minutes to make a freakin' sandwich. I would know. Sandwiches are one of the few things I can actually make without risking personal injury or fire damage. And sometimes they get orders wrong or run out of some ingredients. Not very good management, but the food is good so we put up with it.Well today was different. M. ordered the club panini (lettuce, ham, turkey, bacon, cheese on bread) and I ordered a turkey sandwich (turkey and cheese on bread). Side order of chips.Well, we were informed right away that they we... More About: Idiots
"Remains"
2007-12-12 01:54:00 I just stumbled onto this article about corpse studies, biological sciences, and forensics. As the site title implies, it was Damn Interesting. Absolutely fascinating.However, it isn't for the squeamish.(If you read Jonathan Kellerman, Stephen King, true crime, or similar then you'll probably be just fine.)It really opened my eyes to things that I always just sort of took for granted. I am however, profoundly grateful that my future line of work will not require any more knowledge on this subject than what I just gained.Though I did always wonder exactly what became of bodies donated to science. I guess now I know.Ew. More About: Mains
I hope their majors don't require them to take an anatomy class
2007-12-11 21:30:00 Before we started the 20-minute music final today (ha, big joke), Throat-Clearing Girl and her friend started up an amusing (if not I.Q. depreciating) conversation:(In response to a guy who wouldn't shut up...)Friend: "I wish he didn't have vocal cords."Throat-Clearing Girl: "I wish I could slit his throat and reach down and rip out his vocal cords."Friend: "I wish I could slit his throat and reach in and pull out his heart... And then eat it. Yum." (Then she smacked her lips a little.)Throat-Clearing Girl: "Ew. That's gross. You should just make him eat it."Friend: "He can't eat anything if his throat is slit. Duh."Me: (Not out loud) "I think he would have immediately DIED after you ripped out his HEART. I'm pretty sure the slit throat is immaterial at this point."Sometimes I wonder how some of us made it through high school. More About: Anatomy , Hope , Class , Majors , Anatom
Early
2007-12-11 16:24:00 It's not even 9:30 AM yet, and I've already gotten up, gotten ready, driven to school, taken a final exam, hung out with M. (for a few minutes, anyway), driven back home, and started blogging.I'm doing well! My music final was ridiculously easy. It wasn't comprehensive and it was open-notes. Took me about 20 minutes. I had to practically rewrite my notes on the test though, so I don't know why we can't just turn in our notes instead of rewriting them on a test. So pointless.But who cares now! That class is over for good.And now I have the whole day to do whatever I want study for my speech and science finals.Hooray.Bummer.Yeah, right. Like I'm actually going to study today. Who am I kidding? More About: Early
=)
2007-12-11 06:51:00 I went and saw M. for a couple of hours. Things are looking much brighter now. He always cheers me up.But speaking of him, his family is going through a bit of a rough time right now, so if you'd like, I'm sure they'd appreciate prayers, positive energy, nice thoughts, good wishes, etc. (whatever it is that you do). Thanks. =)He cheered me up so much that I almost don't mind having to get up at 6 AM to make it in to my 8:00 Music Appreciation final. It's going to be open-notes and only on a couple of chapters. Yeah, it's a final and it isn't comprehensive. But I'm not complaining. Well, except about the fact that it will take longer to drive to school than it will for me to take that stupid joke of a test.Bleh. I'm also sick. I'm slightly better today. Yesterday though I got so bad that I could barely sit up. Really bad cold? Sinus infection? Flu? I have no idea. But I haven't had anything this bad in years.Of course, it happened because I was bragging abo...
Things about Mississippi that actually don't suck
2007-12-10 22:31:00 Believe it or not, there are some good things to say about the place of my roots:Drivers wave at passing cars, just to be friendly. Even at people they don't know. If it is an acquaintance, sometimes they even honk a friendly salutation.There is an awesome abundance of fireflies in the summer.Missi ssippi ans make the best cornbread.Honeysuckle. Smells like heaven, tastes like ambrosia.We still have "country boys." That is, boys who were raised to appreciate the value of a dollar and who know how to do good old fashioned hard work. You won't find nicer gentlemen anywhere else.Southern girls are pretty. Well, except for me.Hospitality.Sympathy and charity. Mississippians (on average) donate more money to charity than any other state, despite Mississippians having the lowest annual income.You can't beat the stories of southern grandparents.Conservatism. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm by no means a conservative. But... I can still appreciate some aspects of it in a... More About: Things , Suck
Cool kids wear Converse
More articles from this author:2007-12-10 03:58:00 Or so I tell myself. =)M., J. Lee, and I happened to be standing around talking when one of us noticed a peculiar similarity about our footwear. So I took a picture.This picture is completely spontaneous, taken with a cell phone camera. Wasn't posed, wasn't planned.Classic black = M.Orange-y/red with black = J. LeeTeeny tiny purple ones = Me!My feet actually look cute for once! And wow, M. has some sexy legs and one hot stance! Mmmm!Love this picture. More About: Kids , Cool , Converse , Wear , Cool Kids 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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