Lovesick Billy

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Better Exhibitionism
2008-01-09 05:01:00
My husband, Sam, once founded a magazine called HERO (here, and here), with his then-boyfriend, now friend, Paul Horne. It was there, in 2000 or so, that I actually met them for the first time. I was interviewing for a job as their circulation director. I had a boyfriend at the time, and during the ...

Music Review: Siouxsie Sioux, Mantaray
2008-01-08 16:13:00
As a child of the 80’s, I approach any new recordings by 80’s artists with extreme caution. These people informed my musical taste, and they are iconic, if only in my mind, and I’d like to keep it that way. So, when I found Sioux sie ’s Mantaray, and my friend Jonathan sent it to ...
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?Taking the Bull by the Horns.?
2008-01-01 16:38:00
All is quiet on New Year?s Day. It?s 7:30 and Sam?s still asleep. It wasn?t for a lack of rest since we got into bed at 7pm, and soon thereafter began two twenty-something minute deep meditation podcasts: one on Letting Go, and the second on Healing. So he?s in bed languishing in the extra hour of sleep: a luxury we don?t often get.Sam has patiently, gently requested more little vacations and adventures out of town, and our schedules haven?t permitted them in 2007, so we?re putting more of them on the sked in 2008. We?re starting with rodeo school on January 18th, to learn Chute Dogging, with an eye to competing in the LA Rodeo, June 20-22.CHUTE DOGGING:This event is designed to give even the novice a chance to compete in rough stock events. The steer and the contestant both start in the bucking chute and face a 60-second time limit. When the chute gate opens, the contestant must bring the steer out to a 10-foot line in front of the chute, and then attempt to wrestle, or "dog"...
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?My New Year?s Resolution.?
2008-01-01 01:51:00
More yoga? Possibly. More writing? Of course. More for my body, integrity, and honest communication? Definitely. Get out of the red and into the black? Already in the works.2008 will be my 40th year. I have my health, the love of my life, great friends and family, a screenplay in pre-production, a really good day job, and a new Mac. What more could I ask for? Less needless stuff. Less confusion. Less anxiety. Less junk. Less junk food. More experiences.More trips around the Rose Bowl with the dogs. More evenings ?jacked-out?, and lounging with Sam in our big comfy couch. More movie nights. More late Saturday mornings, cuddling. More fun with Mom. More gardening. More biking. More rodeo. More athleticism. More travel. More adventures. More Lovesick Billy.More for those with, um, less. I?d really like to get involved with The Art of Elysium, Being Alive, and other charities.That?s what I resolve to do in 2008.
More About: New Year , Year , Resolution

?size matters: the smart car?
2007-12-28 14:54:00
My greatest automotive obsession may be my smallest. If you haven?t seen it, it?s the Smart . A joint design venture between Mercedes-Benz and Swatch, (yes, Swatch) It?s been overseas for more than a decade, and it?s coming to the US in 2008.Here?s the lowdown from Smart:The Passion Coupestarting at $13,590For those of you who didn?t get the ?car gene?:The value packed, sporty and well-equipped passion coupe includes a panorama roof, alloy wheels, air conditioning with climate control, 3-spoke leather sports steering wheel with shift paddles, power windows, electric and heated side mirrors, and AM/FM radio with CD player. MPG: 40/45For those of us who did get the gene, there?s more tech stuff on the site.I placed my order for the car about six months ago, and soon I should be getting a confirmation of the options I?ve chosen. When Sam and I saw the Smart at the LA auto show, we got in and were amazed. We?re both over 6?, and we were really comfortable. The finish on the interio...
More About: Size , Matters , Smart Car

?Your way, my way, and the three way.?
2007-12-26 15:09:00
Dear Lovesick Billy,I read your blog about how you and Sam explore your fantasies, and wanted to bring something to you. My husband and I have a healthy sex life and have recently discovered that we are turned on by three-ways. We?ve had a couple of experiences and it was all good. We expected that we might feel jealous, but we didn?t. We had a great time. So is this something that you fantasize about, or have had experience with? We never really considered ourselves ?swingers?, and aren?t really sure that?s the path we want to go. So while we feel like we?re in a good place about it, we?re still a little confused.Thanks,Confused in CaliforniaDear Confused,There are as many different kinds of relationships as there are people.The short answer: take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of it. One one side of the line, write the names of all the successful threesomes you know. On the other side, write the names of all the successful twosomes you know.The long answ...

?The penis does not lie. The vagina is honestly ambivalent.?
2007-12-24 22:02:00
Sam and I have always paid good attention to our fantasy life, fostering its growth and making a safe place for its expression, within the bounds of our marriage. After all, if we aren?t safe in disclosing our darkest fantasies to each other, we are doomed to repressing them. In my experience repression leads to all sorts of ills that are difficult to sort out the longer they are allowed to incubate.One thing we?ve discovered, that I can now say is verified by science, is that the cock does not lie. No matter how forbidden the subject matter, a man comes equipped with a surefire indicator of his interest, and it?s his dick. Johnson?s response also corresponds closely with the man?s orientation. Girls, well, they like to keep their options open.?The Northwestern researchers measured the psychological and physiological sexual arousal in homosexual and heterosexual men and women as they watched erotic films. There were three types of erotic films: those featuring only men, those f...
More About: Penis , Vagina

?Ladies, Tim Ferriss is the modern man... and single.?
2007-12-18 15:22:00
Tim Ferriss is kind of a big deal, and evidently a good kisser. Just ask him. He?s the modern Prince of outsourcing. In much the same way as America has outsourced millions of jobs to countries with citizens who will happily work for peanuts, Tim outsources his life, and not just his work life, even dating: ?I hired virtual teams of people all over the world... to compete against each other and set dates for me on an online calendar... and there would be a $150 bonus to whichever team set the most good dates.?There is nothing that money can?t buy. Finding a ?date manager? to set up dates, and paying the guy a commission for each date he goes on. Why is this not the second oldest profession? Dating can be hell, especially for busy, high-value bucks like Tim Ferriss, but I say there is something to enjoying the process, meeting interesting (and not so interesting) people, maybe even making some platonic friends, and not being simply focused on the goal. Maybe I?m just luckier at ...
More About: Modern , Single , Ladies , Adie

"Wardrobe Makeover Follow-Up"
2007-12-17 08:24:00
On 12/11, I responded to an email from Neil, a newly single guy who is getting back out into the dating world, and revamping his look. I gave him a few pointers, and here?s the result.?So, phase two for?Lovesick Billy: :)1. Picked up some used, slightly trendy denim in SF. $20. 2. Used a classic cut navy blazer I already had.3. Instead of Zappos, bought a pair of Clark's. $120 with tax. Dark brown. Damn comfortable.4. Mix with tucked white Oxford with good, casual brown belt.5. Trimmed the goatee down to about 1/4" long and did away with lots of hair at Carlton's.6. Lost the glasses to new contacts (these new contact lens materials are amazing!!!).Still working on it, but I'm starting to see a visual 'signature' emerging.It's all good.The best part? Went to buddy's  company's Xmas party Friday night. I got lots of attention from the ladies. The take away? The girls like me, but the clothes are what got me noticed in the first place.Finally, it's time for a little more fun ...
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?The secret lives of football players?
2007-12-16 19:24:00
Over one-third of former American Football players have had sex with men, study claims. In his study of homosexuality among sportsmen in the US, sociologist Dr Eric Anderson found a sample of 47 men, aged 18-23, who were all American Football players who had played at the high school level, but didn?t make it to the university level ? becoming cheerleaders instead at various universities from the American south, Mid-West, west and north west.Dr Anderson, now of the University of Bath, UK, said the study showed that: Society?s increasing open-mindedness about homosexuality and decreasing stigma concerning sexual activity with other men had allowed sportsmen to speak more openly about these sexual activities.This sex came in the form of two men and one woman, as well as just two men alone.The sexual acts described differed from acts of ?hazing? or team-bonding that often include pretend-homosexual acts.?The evidence supports my assertion that homophobia is on the rapid decline among ...
More About: Players , The Secret , Secret , Lives

?Abercrombie isn?t really for me... anymore.?
2007-12-14 07:09:00
No sooner did I give advice about dressing one?s age, than I went stumbling into Abercrombie & Fitch last night, with Sam, lured by the smell of Fierce, and the curiosity of whether or not the employees were still as hot as they once were.The guys there (Old Town Pasadena) were no cuter than the guys at the Gap, but the store gets me every time. The clothes were a different story.Sam had scoped out some sweat pants to work out in, so we headed into the fitting rooms with a couple of pair. One pair was a near miss, but the second, was a flashing sign that I was fooling myself. It?s not because I?m out of shape. It?s not because I couldn?t wear them if I really wanted to. It is because I am getting to the point, at 39, where I can choose to be that guy or not, and I choose not.You know, that guy who looks like he picked up his son?s gym bag by mistake, and just figured what the heck, I don?t want to miss a workout. Or the guy who is still chasing that jock fantasy in his hea...

?Gay sex one night, straight sex the next.?
2007-12-14 06:43:00
A study finds that in fruit flies, homosexuality is biological,?but not hard-wired. A team of neurobiologists at the University of Illinois at Chicago have found that the homosexual behavior in fruit flies can be switched on and off through genetic manipulation or drugs ? within hours.Evidently, the key for fruit flies is in the way they perceive the pheromones of their fly buddies. Genetically alter or treat them with a drug, and the fruit flies copulate with other flies of the same sex. Alter or treat them again, and they are ?straight?.The ?causes? of homosexuality are being studied widely, but that?s not the purpose for this study. This information may allow scientists to alter the behavior of fruit flies so that they can be changed into beneficial pollenators of fruit, rather than destructive pests.It does beg the question, though, if this knowledge were applicable to humans, and we were able to change our sexual orientation for periods of time with a nasal spray or pill, wo...
More About: Night , Straight

?What should I have in my wardrobe??
2007-12-12 05:35:00
Dear Lovesick Billy,I?m a recently divorced man in his 30?s, who?s getting back out into the dating world, and I need a few pointers on what I should have in my wardrobe. Any ideas?NeilRole Models - Celebrities enjoy the benefit of stylists, and you can too, by emulating the styles of celebrities whose style you like, and who have a similar body to yours. David Beckham? Tiger Woods? Eddie Izzard? If their style suits you, knock off what they have on and once you?re comfortable with that, develop it into your own style.Good Denim - Basic denim that suits your shape is crucial, and it doesn?t have to be exotic or cost a fortune. If you?re the Abercrombie body type, the fashion world is your low fat oyster, save yourself the trouble and simply remain naked at all times. For regular guys, a regular rise, not too baggy, not too tight. Trendy jeans are fine if you?ve lots of cash to spend when the trend changes. Classic never goes out of style. Great jeans, a nice pair of shoes and ...
More About: Robe

?What should I have in my wardrobe??
2007-12-12 05:35:00
Dear Lovesick Billy,I?m a recently divorced man in his 30?s, who?s getting back out into the dating world, and I need a few pointers on what I should have in my wardrobe. Any ideas?NeilRole Models - Celebrities enjoy the benefit of stylists, and you can too, by emulating the styles of celebrities whose style you like, and who have a similar body to yours. David Beckham? Tiger Woods? Eddie Izzard? If their style suits you, knock off what they have on and once you?re comfortable with that, develop it into your own style.Good Denim - Basic denim that suits your shape is crucial, and it doesn?t have to be exotic or cost a fortune. If you?re the Abercrombie body type, the fashion world is your low fat oyster, save yourself the trouble and simply remain naked at all times. For regular guys, a regular rise, not too baggy, not too tight. Trendy jeans are fine if you?ve lots of cash to spend when the trend changes. Classic never goes out of style. Great jeans, a nice pair of shoes and ...
More About: Robe

?Why coming out should be No Big Deal.?
2007-12-08 01:28:00
I?d like to see Larry Craig come honestly, definitively clean about his sexual orientation, but really it?s none of my business. Three people need to worry about what Larry Craig is doing with his cock: Larry Craig, Mrs. Craig, and whomever?s immediately present when he?s got it out and ready for business. The rest of us just need to butt out.Chad, a dear, departed friend of mine once said, ?My cock is my fate.? It?s a powerful statement (especially when you consider that he died of AIDS). Apply this to anyone whose sexuality is in question: Tom Cruise, Larry Craig, some friend, or even yourself.Who should care about what Larry Craig or anyone else does with their sexual organs?If __________ is a conscious, mentally capable, willing adult, and those with whom __________ has sex with are conscious, mentally capable, willing adults, they are responsible for their actions, and it?s none of our business.It?s __________?s responsibility to make sure that loved ones like spouses and l...
More About: Deal

?Why coming out should be No Big Deal.?
2007-12-08 01:28:00
I?d like to see Larry Craig come honestly, definitively clean about his sexual orientation, but really it?s none of my business. Three people need to worry about what Larry Craig is doing with his cock: Larry Craig, Mrs. Craig, and whomever?s immediately present when he?s got it out and ready for business. The rest of us just need to butt out.Chad, a dear, departed friend of mine once said, ?My cock is my fate.? It?s a powerful statement (especially when you consider that he died of AIDS). Apply this to anyone whose sexuality is in question: Tom Cruise, Larry Craig, some friend, or even yourself.Who should care about what Larry Craig or anyone else does with their sexual organs?If __________ is a conscious, mentally capable, willing adult, and those with whom __________ has sex with are conscious, mentally capable, willing adults, they are responsible for their actions, and it?s none of our business.It?s __________?s responsibility to make sure that loved ones like spouses and l...
More About: Deal

?Divorce is Bad for the Planet.?
2007-12-06 14:55:00
A Michigan State University study shows that divorce affects the environment.In the US alone, in 2005, because of the splits, an additional 73 billion Kilowatt-hours of electricity and 627 billion gallons of water were used. Thirty-eight million extra rooms were needed, plus the heating and lighting to go with them.Divorce d households use from 42 to 61 percent more resources than intact families, and those who get divorced wind up using more resources: as much as 46% more electricity and 56% more water than before.And with divorce rates rising worldwide, that means more of us will be having irreconcilable differences with Mother Earth. 55% divorce in Sweden. Compare that to .13% in Guatemala ? that?s *point*-one-three percent. Divorce is down in the US, but not because we?re working it out or marrying smarter, it?s because we?re not getting married as much. (Kinda like unemployment going down because fewer people are looking for jobs.)The answer? Take your time, raise your sel...
More About: Planet , The Planet

Lovesick Reader Question: ?Why do *I* need to go to therapy??
2007-12-05 14:17:00
Dear Lovesick Billy,So, my husband and I were having a lengthy, serious conversation this morning and the subject of seeing a therapist came up and he said that if he needs to see a therapist that we were both going.  This was not hateful or spiteful or ugly but more matter of fact. Here's the thing, I've been thinking for months that we could probably use some good counseling, but wasn't sure how to bring it up.  So, why when he mentioned it was my first (thank God, non-verbal!) reaction, "Why do *I* need to go?!"  How is it that when it was my idea it was brilliant....when it was his idea, I was insulted?Insulted in IndianaDear Insulted,Wow, you guys really love each other, and have some good communication working for you. It may just need some fine-tuning. Coming to the conclusion that one ?needs? therapy can be a hard pill to swallow as you have both clearly discovered here. In AA they call it ?taking inventory?, and you do it only for yourself, not others. Regardless, your...
More About: Question , Reader , Therapy , Thera

?How to be Faithful.?
2007-12-04 13:10:00
Matt Titus on Huffington Post writes about a close encounter of the extramarital kind in his latest article, ?How to Be Faithful ?, and describes how he kept a lid on his libido and his latte, when temptation presented itself. He makes some good points, like: ?think of what your life would be like without your current husband or wife?, ?remember you took a vow?, and ?fantasy is a good thing, as long as it doesn't become reality?.It?s like that fable about an old Cherokee chief teaching his grandson about life: the wolf that wins is the wolf you feed.Faithfulness and infidelity in a relationship are wolves to be fed. We all notice people other than our mates, which is perfectly natural, but when that attention is disproportionately outward, instead of directed to your mate, take note of the wolf you?re feeding. Maybe your mate isn?t meeting your needs. Maybe you have an intimacy issue. Maybe you?re being boring with your mate, and looking for variety. The wolf will tell you.Tow...

?It?s World AIDS Day, Brah!?
2007-12-02 00:08:00
It?s World AIDS Day.I?m sad to have lost so many loved ones, but I?m grateful for having known them at all.I?m sad that there isn?t enough treatment for everyone who suffers, but I?m grateful that there is any treatment at all.I?m sad about the worldwide tragedy that has come of the spreading of some damned, stubborn virus, stealing millions of lives, but I?m grateful that we know more about how to treat it today than we did yesterday. Tomorrow we?ll know even more.I?m sad that it?s not just Saturday, but I?m grateful that it is World AIDS Day, and by the end of the day more people will be thinking about AIDS and what they can do to help those in need. And even more still, next year.I?m grateful that someday soon it will just be Saturday again.
More About: Aids , World Aids Day

?Have any gift ideas for Christmas or Hanukkah??
2007-11-28 16:13:00
Dear Lovesick Billy,I never know what to get my wife for Christmas . I always end up running around all day on Christmas Eve, and she knows exactly what I?m doing, which makes it look like I haven?t put any thought into her gifts. And last year, she had to go to Christmas Eve at her parents without me because I was shopping, so I looked like an ass to the whole family. If that?s not bad enough, what I got her is sitting in a box in the garage. What am I doing wrong?- Carmine, NaplesDear Carmine,Well, at least you didn?t send this email on December 24th, so that?s a good start. Here are some ideas for this year and next:This year:Experiences beat stuff, any day. Pottery classes, concerts, a trip somewhere they?ve always wanted to go. Don?t choose cooking lessons unless she?s into that and mentioned them specifically ? same goes for gym memberships or yoga. Put the tickets or itinerary in a big box (weighted with something heavy) to keep ?em guessing.Go shopping with ?em as soo...
More About: Ideas , Gift Ideas , Gift , Hanukkah

?Separate rooms??
2007-11-27 16:05:00
Dear Lovesick Billy,I'm going home with my (serious) boyfriend for Christmas to meet his family for the first time. I'm excited, but there's a problem. My boyfriend's family is pretty liberal, so his mother asked him whether he and I would need separate sleeping accommodations. Without asking me, he told her we would be sleeping together. Here's the thing: we're not strictly celibate but we are not having intercourse. I do stay at his place often. I really see a future with this man and I want his family to like me. Then again, I don't want to be a problem guest, either.Thank you,Grace, IndianaDear Grace,Even if they are liberal, what could it hurt to show the respect and sleep apart? Just laugh it off by saying something like, ?Are you kidding? The way he snores? I?ll take the spare room.? If there is no other room, and it means that someone gets the couch, it gives him the chance to display his chivalry by taking it.If he puts you on the couch, I hope you?re spending yo...

?How much sex is enough??
2007-11-24 15:57:00
18-29 year olds have sex an average of 112 times per year, 30-39 year olds an average of 86 times per year, and 40-49 year olds an average of 69 times per year (Piccinino, Mosher, 1998).13% of married couples reported having sex a few times per year, 45% reported a few times per month, 34% reported 2-3 times per week, and 7% reported 4 or more times per week (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).?Enough? varies. If you?re doing a lot of sex-enhancing drugs, you likely have more sex than average, which is cool while you?re high, but on the backside of the high, readjusting to how the other half lives can be a very rude awakening.So if you?re getting some once or twice a week, don?t bitch. You?re doing?just fine.Love, Billy

?Conflict Diamonds??
2007-11-23 15:46:00
The second most important thing about engagement, right after not making your beloved wait an eternity, is showing some love and buying conflict-free Kimberley diamonds.The four C?s:Carat, Cut, Clarity & Color.Life?s too precious.The fifth C is ?Conflict ?.Deaths from diamond-fueled Civil Wars (in Angola, Liberia, and Sierra Leone alone) exceed all U.S. Military Deaths in the last 70 years by 50%.Source: U.S. Department of Defense and Global Witness. U.S. Military Deaths: World War II: 405,399, Korean War: 36,574, Vietnam War: 58,200, Persian Gulf War: 382, Afghan War: 135+, Iraq War: 1,002+. Deaths from Diamond-fueled Civil Wars: Angola: 500,000, Liberia: 200,000, Sierra Leone: 50,000. Deaths from Diamond-fueled D.R.C. Civil War: Democratic Republic of the Congo: 3,300,000.Love, Billy
More About: Diamonds

?Getting the milk for free.?
2007-11-23 15:41:00
Women certainly aren?t cows, and the old saying is not pleasant, but sadly, the diamond-hard truth within it still rings true. Pun intended. I?ve known a lot of women, and a few men, who have hung on the line for years waiting for the big commitment.A friend of mine just put her foot down after a walloping decade of swallowing excuse after excuse.I was really proud of her for putting a stop to the waiting. She?s fabulous, and no sane man would, or should, hesitate. I?ve learned that ?when you know, you know,? but barring any messy circumstances (which might be reason for pause in themselves), you should know ? one way or another ? in no more than a year.Love, Billy
More About: Free , Milk

?I love you, but...?
2007-11-22 15:38:00
A woman left her marriage, job, and country, all at once.?Yeah, my husband and I had stopped having sex, so we went to counseling and figured out that we just don?t turn each other on. We don?t like to have sex... with each other.? ?He?s my best friend, and I love him so much, but we?re just notin love.?Over the two months that this was taking place, she?d gone back from brunette to her natural blonde, recaptured the spring in her step, was laughing heartily in her business communication, and started dressing like she worked at Vogue, during Fashion Week.?Of course it was hard at first,? she said, ?but we both know it?s for the best. This way, we can both go out there and find the love we deserve.? And you could really tell by looking at her, that she was right.Love , Billy
More About: I Love You

?Loyalty beyond reason.?
2007-11-21 15:31:00
Saatchi & Saatchi has a site called Lovemarks, about brand fanaticism and what creates it. What you might expect to be a dry marketing exercise turns into something completely different whey you see their lists and realize that anything, and anyone, can be considered a brand... and a lovemark. Peruse the list, and vote ?love it? or ?lose it? to the entries there, or nominate your own favorite lovemark.The coolest part of the whole site is the Lovemark Profiler: a list of questions to determine if your fave is really a lovemark. The Profiler is really telling (and mad lib-funny) when you put someone?s name in the blank.Love, Billy
More About: Reason , Loyalty

?more love, less Bush.?
2007-11-19 15:23:00
Blogging. As my friend Paul puts it, ?Because what the world needs is yet another opinion.? Another criticism. Another review. We?ve been to Paris. We?ve seen Britney?s kids, and where they came from. Enough. More love. Less Bush .Love sick Billy is about love, an exploration of it and all of its manifestations: photos of stolen kisses, brotherly love, charitable love, love dilemmas ? yours and mine, gain, loss, and everything in between.A friend who constantly complains about being single, said to me once, ?You?re like all the rest of my friends, single for about twenty minutes.??So maybe you should be doing what I?m doing,? I replied.I have been very lucky in love. Always. The best rules are the rules that work best for you, not your well-meaning friends or family. We usually know what?s best for us, unless it?s not working, and then second opinions can help ? but honest ones, and those are hard to come by.Lovesick Billy is a source for honest insight into matters of love...