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Etiquette By Julia
2009-09-21 07:52:00
After COMPLETELY RUINING a THREE-TIERED cake I’d been working on ALL DAY for my mom’s birthday, I stomped my feet and yelled. “Shit! SHHHIIIIITTT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!” Julia turned to me and said in a very authoritative tone, “Mom, you don’t say shit on someone’s birthday.”
More About: Etiquette

The Story Of A Slide
2009-09-18 15:30:00
It’s a long climb up. But she can do it with her sister behind her. She gets to the top! Hesitation. It’s so high. “You can do it, Sis!” Finally, she slides. Wee! It’s so fast! What a thrill! She lands with a boom! Congratulations come in hugs from her sister. “You did it yourself!” “Let’s do it again!” They run off together both braver than before. Hey Cool Kids: Got opinions? Take an online survey today for a chance to win $5,000.
More About: Story , Slide , The Story

WWJD? I Can Tell You What He Wouldn’t Do. And That’s Eat At M
2009-09-17 23:50:00
Dave and I don’t often eat fast food anymore because A) they won’t let me pay for it in serenades and B) we’re trying to be smaller. And fast food makes it hard to be small. I’ve tested the theory and it holds up. I thought I’d found a loophole with my Salad Chaser Diet in which you strategically eat salad with your fast food to fool your digestive system into believing the entire meal consists of salad so it just pushes it right through without absorbing all those calories. But it turns out the digestive system is rather incredulous. Or maybe I don’t really “get” the way digestion works. Either way, the verdict is the same: fast food is my antidote to smallness. Still, I love it. It’s like a bad boyfriend that puts you down and damages your self-esteem so much you begin to believe it’s the best you can get, maybe even deserve, and so you stick around and feel thankful for what you’ve got, because it’s ...

4 a.m.
2009-09-17 10:15:00
I’m not sure what’s worse: having nothing to write or something, but no time

A Video In Which Lucy Says Hello, Sings Her ABC’s Until She Gets Bore
2009-09-10 21:53:00
Hey Cool Kids: Visit My Grimm Reality My husband’s cool beaner blog.
More About: Video , Lucy

Isn’t It About Time For The Fall Television Season To Start?
2009-09-10 19:28:00
I have this giant calendar in my dining room that I use to keep organized with a color-coded system. Financial things, like paydays and bill due dates are written in green; work schedules are in black; the girl’s activities are in blue; and important events like parties and appointments are in red. I also have a post-it note system, but that doesn’t matter because what I really want to tell you is MY RED PEN IS MISSING which may not seem like a big deal, but OH MY GOODNESS IT IS. Of all the pens to disapear, the red is the most important. Now, my whole system is screwed, I’ll probably overlook picture day now that it’s in blue and not red and I mostly just want to kick things. Additionally, Julia’s black leotard is missing. And I have seven sippy cups and only three sippy cup lids. Also, all of my medium size plastic containers are gone. This is how people go insane, my friends. I know because I accused Dave of stealing all my missing items and...
More About: Television , Time , Season , Start , Fall

Packing Her Lunch
2009-09-10 06:00:00
I can’t be with her so I say I love you with heart-shaped sandwiches
More About: Lunch , Packing

The Reason Cell Phones Were Invented
2009-09-08 21:36:00
“Remember the little kid that had that song One Voice. Billy Gillman or something?” “Josh Groban?” “No! Josh Groban was never a little kid.” “Are you saying Josh Groban was born a man?” “I’m saying the aliens delivered him that way.” “So, what about Billy Gillman?” “He was on the Jerry Lewis tele- you know, it doesn’t even matter, you don’t know who he is.” “Oh, okay.” “So, the kid, the kid from The Goonies. The older brother. What’s his name?” “James Brolin?” “Oh.” “What?” “I thought he had the same name.” “As Billy Gillman?” “No! Josh Groban.” “You thought Josh Groban was in The Goonies?” “No! I thought he had the same name as the kid in The Goonies.” “So, why does that matter?” “You raised me uuuuuuppppp, so I could stand on mountai...
More About: Cell Phones , Phones , Cell , Reason

Doo Doo Heartbreaker
2009-09-08 15:26:00
pay no attention to the kid under the desk she’s taking a dump (Ignore the dust, too. Dust? What dust? I don’t see dust. There is NO DUST, dude.) Hey Cool Kids: Visit My Etsy Store! Offering simple, hand-made sock monkeys.

Turns Out She’s A Good Running Partner
2009-09-08 04:59:00
Just me and my dog I take her for a walk or maybe she takes me
More About: Running , Partner , Good

Some Letters To Explain Why You Won?t Find Us At The Mall Again This Summer
2008-06-11 05:33:00
Dear Moms And Kids At The Mall Play Area, I’m sorry my daughter was such a jerk. She really knows better. I think she took some LSD today or something. My Deepest Apologies, The Bad Kid’s Mom *** Dear Likely Child Abuser At The Mall Play Area, Thank you for bringing my daughter’s bad behavior to my ...
More About: Summer , Mommy , Stuff , Julia , Find

Put Me In, Coach. I?m Ready To Play!*
2008-06-11 04:56:00
t-ball has begun and I have two on the field a player and coach *lyric from Centerfield by John Fogerty Advertisement: Visit My Etsy Store! Offering simple, hand-made sock monkeys.
More About: Play , Coach , Ready

I?m In Love And It?s A Sunny Day
2008-06-10 05:53:00
My baby is almost two months old. I call her Lucy Sunshine. (Actually, I sing it. Think Good Day Sunshine by The Beatles. Then, replace “Good Day” with “Lucy” and you’ve got it.) She’s starting to smile, mostly at her Daddy. The smiles I am responsible for occur mainly while she is sleeping off her ...
More About: Photos , Love , Mommy , Stuff , Sunny

A Child?s Age May Be Measured In Years?Or The Extent To Which Her Friends A
2008-06-10 02:12:00
“Don’t kiss me,” she said, “You are embarassing me.” And then, my heart broke. I said it to my Mom, and I knew someday Julia would say it to me. What I didn’t know was how bad it would feel. Advertisement: My Grimm Reality Hear the other side of the story at my husband’s blog.
More About: Friends , Child , Years

Why I Carried Lucy In The Moby For Four And A Half Hours In Ninety-Three De
2008-06-09 03:40:00
a playgroup outing to The Farm at Walnut Creek fun, sweat and more sweat And more photos here. Advertisement: Stuff We Dig Where you can buy what we’re into.
More About: Moby , Lucy , Half , Hours

I?m In Demand
2008-06-08 04:42:00
Lucy is crying and she wants no one but me. She’s a mama’s girl. Advertisement: Hey Cool Kids! Get your My Mommy’s Place Gear here.
More About: Demand

Who Dat?
2008-06-07 04:30:00
the big sister shirt she got the day Lucy came she’s so proud of it I bought this shirt on Etsy from Tattletale Designs. Advertisement: Got opinions? Take an online survey today for a chance to win $5,000.

My Favorite Muffin Recipe
2008-06-06 05:48:00
Strawberry muffins I made with peaches instead Oh, so delicious Advertisement: Visit My Etsy Store! Offering simple, hand-made sock monkeys.
More About: Recipe , Favorite , Muffin

Greetings Pals And Gals, From Flat Julia
2008-06-05 22:32:00
I’m not great at geography. It isn’t due to laziness or anything, it just seems that may brain isn’t wired to retain that kind of information. Maybe it’s all that alcohol I drank in college. Once after a night of drinking ouzo, I lost the ability to juggle. So, I suppose ...
More About: Photos , Mommy , Stuff , Julia , Flat

In Which I Zzzzzz
2008-06-05 05:55:00
too tired to think even breathing feels too hard i need some sleep, bad Advertisement: My Grimm Reality Hear the other side of the story at my husband’s blog.

That?s Great, It Starts With An Earthquake
2008-06-04 05:23:00
There are some bloggers out there that amaze me. You know, the ones who can write something with a beginning, a middle and and an end. Everyday. They’re great storytellers and I love reading them. I wish I could be like them. But I’m not. I’m more like a ...
More About: Earthquake , Great , Mommy , Stuff

My Second Favorite Kind Of Meat
2008-06-04 04:00:00
Meat on sale, baby. Giant Eagle rocks my world. It’s steak for dinner! Advertisement: Hey Cool Kids! Get your My Mommy’s Place Gear here.
More About: Meat , Favorite

A Wonderful Way To End The Day
2008-06-03 05:12:00
asleep on the couch both of my girls in my arms there’s nothing better Advertisement: Got opinions? Take an online survey today for a chance to win $5,000.
More About: Wonderful

Daily Schmaily
2008-06-02 05:58:00
Where did today go? Nearly midnight…my haiku! I almost forgot. Advertisement: Visit My Etsy Store! Offering simple, hand-made sock monkeys.
More About: Daily

She Loves Me Like A Rock
2008-06-02 05:22:00
It’s a wonderful opportunity to meet some brilliant mothers; to celebrate, learn from and be inspired by our differences, while drawing strength and support from the common ground we share. This month’s This Is Motherhood feature columnist isn’t just any mother; she is my mother. She took me completely by surprise when she submitted her piece. It hadn’t occurred to me to invite her to participate. But I’m glad she did. I think she wrote something incredible. I’ve read it over and over and still find myself choking back tears. Maybe it’s because I’m her daughter and I understand the meaning of the words she chose. Or maybe it’s because I’m now a mother that I understand. I hope you’ll read her column and let us know what you think, right after the obligatory This Is Motherhood interview. Leslie: As most of my readers know, our family is part of our nation’s fastest growing demographic: we live in a multigen...
More About: Rock

I Would Have Posted Earlier, But…
2008-06-01 05:42:00
YouTube uploader Why do you hate me so much? stinkin’ time sucker Advertisement: Stuff We Dig Where you can buy what we’re into.

Two Performances And A Wardrobe Malfunction
2008-06-01 05:21:00
My little bee had her dance recital this weekend. She was so excited about it. Not so much about the dancing part - she does that every week in class - but, the wearing her recital costume part - the recital costume I’ve been guarding like Cerberus to keep intact for the big recital. And I was proud to say it survived more than a month of attempts to snatch it for dress up play, one photo shoot, and two dress rehearsals. Like I was saying, I was proud… As I was getting her dressed in the waiting room before the show, she pulled her bee antennae headband out of her bag and it snapped. I couldn’t believe it. I just stood there staring at the pieces. Thankfully, one of the other mothers stepped in and helped me Macgyver it to her head, just in time for me to get back to my seat and worry through eight performances about whether or not it held up for hers. It did. Julia was adorable. She performed twice - a tap routine and a ballet routine. You can see them ...
More About: Performances

How My Day Was Spent
2008-05-31 05:06:00
doctor appointment recital dress rehearsal three kittens found homes Advertisement: Got opinions? Take an online survey today for a chance to win $5,000.

We?re Going All ?Legend Of Billie Jean? Up In This Joint
2008-05-30 05:25:00
I cut my hair. Short. “I want short hair like you, Mom.” And so it was done. Advertisement: Visit My Etsy Store! Offering simple, hand-made sock monkeys.
More About: Jean , Legend , Billie Jean

And You Thought Rabbits Were Bad
2008-05-29 07:13:00
I have a situation. I have seventeen kittens to give away. You read that right. SEVENTEEN kittens. You may be wondering how one could end up with seventeen kittens. I’ve put together the following one minute presentation to explain. So, here’s what I’ve been up to: In addition to loving and feeding the little furballs, I’ve been wrangling them up, snapping their photos, making flyers and marching my ass all over the place trying to find them homes. So, you want a kitten?
More About: Thought , Rabbits