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What Tami Said

What Tami Said
One black woman's sometimes surprising musings on race, sexism, politics and pop culture.
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Articles

"Pimping" gets you suspended; "Lynching" gets you...
2008-02-21 13:33:00
(Hat tip to reader ac for encouraging me to write about these topics.)Yesterday I wrote about the furor surrounding Michelle Obama's comments about being proud of her country. Some folks just don't understand how one could not be proud of the United States of America. Luckily, Bill O 'Reilly, that paragon of journalistic virtue, is reserving his judgement. Here is what Bill-O (TM Keith Olbermann) said on his radio program during a call from a listener who claimed to have inside knowledge that Obama is an "angry" and "militant" woman:"I don't want to go on a lynching party against Michelle Obama unless there'sevidence, hard facts, that say this is how the woman really feels."Oh, how gracious of you Bill O'Reilly! Now, about that lynching thing. If David Shuster gets an indeterminent suspension for talking about Chelsea Clinton being "pimped out" by the Clinton campaign. How much time will O'Reilly get for talking about "lynching" a black woman, indeed the wife of a candidate fo...
Help Citoya Greenwood
2008-02-20 22:07:00
Visit Black Women Vote and learn how you can help a smart and dedicated young lady pursue a better life for her child and herself, far from the war zone that is Dunbar Village.
More About: Greenwood
Michelle Obama: Not on the Spirit Team
2008-02-20 21:16:00
"Hope is making a comeback and, let me tell you, for the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country. Not just because Barack is doing well, but I think people are hungry for change." --Michelle Obama at a rally for her husband, presidential candidate, Barack Obama Mainstream liberals and conservatives are in a tizzy about what Michelle Obama said. Now, I find the oaths to religion and hyper-patriotism that we require from political leaders (and their spouses) to be unproductive. But that aside, is it wrong to not be proud of one's country? Proud: adj highly pleased, exultant --Merriam-Webster Dictionary Despite her many achievements, Michelle Obama is still a black woman in America. And here is what Americans too often forget: marginalized groups, perhaps especially black people, have a different relationship with this country than mainstream men and women. Our histories are different. We are prone to seeing and experiencing the worst of what the country has to offer. We...
More About: Team , The Spirit , Spirit
My uterus is my business
2008-02-19 20:31:00
I have a secret to share. I am a woman of child bearing age who has no desire to have a biological child. This is not such a secret to those closest to me. It is certainly no secret to my husband. But I rarely discuss my lack of desire to reproduce with others, particularly other women, because their reaction is always the same. Take this exchange with a friend of a friend at a girls' night out a few years ago:She: When are you going to have kids?Me: I have kids. I have two stepchildren.She: But when are you going to have your own kids?Me: I'm not.She: (in horror) Why!?Me: I never really have had the desire to have children.She: Is it because you think you can't have children? Because it took my husband and I a while to conceive and...Me: No. I have no reason to think I can't have kids.She: (pausing, staring at me quizzically) Well, my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love her more than anything. You just don't know what love is like until you become a mot...
More About: Business
R.I.P. Lawrence King, Jan. 13, 1993 - Feb. 13, 2008
2008-02-18 21:52:00
When will we learn to stop hating what we don't understand?"With each new invention of torture or death comes a new way to murder the innocent: burning at the stake, hangings, the gas chamber, stabbings, beatings, lynching, torture, inescapable mental abuse, and now point-blank classroom gunfire. Like the Nazis gassing the Jews, a mob lynching a black man, or the early pioneers butchering the Native Americans, Brandon will argue he wasn't killing a person -- he was simply doing away with another faggot."--Tom Gregory, Huffington Post"Death at the Beach: What Did America Learn in School Last Tuesday"Read about the death of 15-year-old Lawrence "Larry" King in Oxnard, Calif., here.(Thanks to Bradski for encouraging me to take notice of this story.)
More About: 2008
My Black History: It's in the Blood
2008-02-18 19:20:00
One of the relatively new tactics that people are using to explore their family histories is DNA testing. If you are a fan of PBS's African American Lives series, as I am, you have seen genetic testing at work. There are tests that attempt to pinpoint African and Native ancestry. There are tests that attempt to uncover how Caucasian, Asian, Sub-Saharan African or Native American the test subject is. All of these can be valuable in uncovering a family story that extends far beyond the imagination. Eventually, I hope to take several of these tests to help further my family research, but they are expensive, ranging in the hundreds of dollars. So, I began my foray into DNA testing by participating in the National Geographic Genographic Project.According to the Genographic Project Web site:...DNA studies suggest that all humans today descend from a group of African ancestors who?about 60,000 years ago?began a remarkable journey. The Genographic Project is seeking to chart new knowledge ...
More About: History , Black , Blood , Black History
Write like Mozart and Dr. Seuss
2008-02-16 23:58:00
I was tagged by Boring Black Chick for the Three Pieces of Writing Advice meme.I have loved writing since I was a child. It is my preferred way to express myself, as I "speak" better with a pen (or in reality--a keyboard) than with my mouth. I think a writer's method is very personal--unique like a thumb print, so I don't think I can tell another writer how to write as much as I can share how I go about translating the swirl of ideas in my head to paper or screen.Hear it. Most of my blog posts, short stories and essays are half written in my head before I sit down at my computer. I "hear" the narrative as if someone is telling me a story. And then, once I have captured my thoughts on paper, I read the finished piece aloud. Like music, good writing has a rhythm and flow. Tune your ear to catch "off key" words or the "pitchy" transitions.Read it. I have been a voracious reader all of my life and my love of the written word--in novels, poetry, magazines, newspapers and on cereal boxe...
More About: Write , Seuss , Mozart
Check me out at Anti-Racist Parent
2008-02-15 12:48:00
I am a regular contributor at Anti -Racist Parent . Check out my latest post "When saying nothing is the best you can do."
My love story
2008-02-14 18:38:00
Here is my love story.On July 4, 2000, I met the man who will be my life partner. It was hot--more so in my "vintage," brick apartment building in Chicago's Hyde Park. That apartment baked like an oven in the summertime. The heat made me sluggish and though I was due at my parents' house for holiday festivities, I found it hard to get moving. It was well after 1:30 p.m. when I left the house to catch the 2:10 South Shore train to Indiana. Normally, I would walk the six blocks to the University of Chicago platform, but the heat, the time, and all the stuff I was carrying, made me decide to hop the bus to the station.I saw the number 28 bus approaching as I neared the stop at 53rd and Lake Park. I was going to miss it! I sped to a trot, juggling my laptop, purse and overnight bag. What happened next must be pure providence--a police officer stepped off the curb, stopping traffic on Lake Park, including the bus. He let a ragtag, five-minute, community parade go by. Apparently, the Hy...
More About: Love , Story , Love story
Musings on the Potomac Primary
2008-02-13 19:27:00
One reason I think John McCain can't beat Barack Obama in NovemberTuesday-night Obama speech=Hope; unity; regular people deserve a voice and fairness; end the war; take care of domestic needs; reverse tax cuts for the wealthy; provide affordable health care; provide affordable college education; retire with dignity; teachers need better pay and more support; children deserve a well-rounded education; American dream; the road won't be easy, but...YES, WE CAN!Tuesday-night McCain speech = Be afraid! Democrats will take your money and your job! Liberals want to throw a dinner party with al Queda and serve your babies for dessert! Fear! Fear! Fear! They hate us for our freedom! Democrats hate America! Obama and Hillary serve only their egos! George "Macaca" Allen is cool...Blah...blah...blah...Tastycakes. And with his awkward delivery, McCain even managed to make that inflammatory ramble sound like a snooze. I'm not so sure the Republicans' usual fear mongering is going to help them...
More About: Musings , Primary , Potomac
Not woman enough
2008-02-13 02:24:00
That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman?--Sojourner TruthToday I was reminded of my place in the female hierarchy.I was in an impromptu meeting with a 50-something white man and a white woman who is my age, when this exchange occurred:White male: The only people who liked that design were under 28.White female: Under 37...I loved it.Me: Yeah. Me too.White male: (to white female, pointedly) Well, YOU don't look older than 28.White female: (to me--maybe attempting to soften white male's comment) You don't either.White male: (eyeing me) Mmmm...I don't know about that.It is peculiar--in my experience, some white men don't relate to black women as women. On more than one occaision, at more than one job, a white male co-worker has made comments to me that violate society's codes of chi...
More About: Woman
"Y'know we got Indian in the family..."
2008-02-12 13:04:00
I read this post about James Brown on Angry Asian Man (hat tip to Racialicious). On page 54 of his memoir, Soul Brother Number One said:"I also have some Chinese in me, at least as much as I have black (and maybe alittle Egyptian King Tut thrown in for good measure). All you have to do is lookat my face--it's all there." Now, I'm not coming for the Godfather, because I have no idea in what context he made these statements or how true they are. But AAM's post made me think about how often black people claim mixed heritage as a badge of honor. And why is that?I am not talking about bi-racial people who rightly claim both family cultures. I'm talking about folks who reach back 100 years in the family tree to tout a Cherokee princess who may or may not have existed.I would venture that most black Americans that dig into their family history--and not that far back either--can find more than a few ancestors not of African descent. Most of us are are mixed. But there is something not e...
More About: Family , Indian , The Family
Women?s History Month Blog Carnival
2008-02-11 18:42:00
What Tami Said and Women ?s Space are partnering to host a blog carnival to encourage a dialogue between all women committed to gender equality.Dates: March 1 through March 31Theme: Come Together--Healing Tensions among Women Working for EqualityWe are accepting essays, poetry, photographic essays, art, You Tube presentations, short fiction and other creative expressions designed to strengthen the bonds among women and heal rifts caused by historic and current conflicts, as well as by differences in race, age and sexual orientation.Beginning March 1, submissions will be posted alternately at What Tami Said and Women?s Space, and eventually on Women Come Together, the official blog of what we hope will be an annual carnival. We are planning to close the month with a live open discussion on Blog Talk Radio.Submission Guidelines: Submit work no later than Feb. 28 to whattamisaid@gmail.com or cheryllindseyseelhoff@gmail.com. We cannot guarantee on which blog your work will be posted.Alon...
More About: History , Carnival , Blog Carnival
Do you know what the kids in your life are thinking?
2008-02-10 22:13:00
Tonya TKO on You Tube always has something interesting to say. In the first video, while questioning her niece about philosophy, Tonya inadvertently uncovers the little girl's thoughts on poverty and the "scariness" of black people. In video two, Tonya addresses how living in a society where whiteness is celebrated and people of color are marginalized can influence children's thinking even as the adults who love them work to teach self-worth.A very interesting exploration.
More About: Life , Kids , The Kids , Thinking
A year of conscious living: Savoring life and practicing patience
2008-02-09 18:15:00
One thing that I love and hate about where I live is the moodiness of the weather. Today, for instance, is more like an early spring day than winter--the sun is high in a powder blue sky accented with sparse clouds and the air is a little brisk, but not too. In less than 48 hours, though, the skies will be gray, the wind will be howling and temps will be barely above zero, so says The Weather Channel. This morning, the weather looked so delicious and the forecast sounded so gloomy, that I had to get out. I grabbed my dog Jax and went for a walk around the neighborhood.Over the summer and fall of last year, I had gotten into the habit of taking a nice, long, walk every day. Unfortunately, Jax was often left behind. You see, even after two rounds of obedience class, my neurotic, hyperactive Border Collie mix is not so obedient on the leash. He bounds out ahead of me, then falls behind, sniffing this bush or that patch of grass, obsessing over a random plant in a neighbor's yard. I wa...
More About: Life , Living , Patience , Year
Exploring my own privilege
2008-02-08 18:57:00
No doubt many of you have come across the Privilege Meme that is making its way around the blogosphere. The exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker and Stacy Ploskonka at Indiana State University, explores the markers of privilege as a way to encourage discussion about class and, to some extent, race. (Read more about this exercise here. Also look for a link to a social class quiz on this page.)   Participants are asked to take a step forward--in this case a virtual one--for each statement that is true for them. Below, I have bolded the statements that are true for me.   Take a step: If your father went to college before you started If your father finished college before you started If your mother went to college before you started If your mother finished college before you started If you have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor. If your family was the same or higher class than your high school...
More About: Exploring
My Black History: Little Gifts II
2008-02-07 22:04:00
Last week I told you about my work as an amateur family researcher and I talked about the joy of discovering new nuggets of information about my history--"little gifts" I called them. The following story about William Staples, one of my paternal great-great-grandfathers, was sent to me by a newfound cousin. I suspect it contains some hyperbole, but it provides an interesting glimpse into the life of one of my ancestors.Somewhere in the state of Kentucky, a young boy slave was sold for a small sum of coins. This boy was so young that if he was given a name as a baby, he didn't remember it. One thing he did remember; however, were the whipping of other slaves on certain days of the week. Although he didn't know one day from another, he believed the "whipping days" occurred on Sundays or Mondays. When the whipping days would come, this young boy was smart enough to run off into woods. For protection against both nature and man, he would take a double-edge axe along with him.The boy, ...
More About: History , Gifts , Black , Black History
I believe in ghosts
2008-02-07 14:08:00
I've got serious issue fatigue. That's why I didn't post yesterday. I spent all day reading the post Super Tuesday analysis and frankly I'm spent. I can't bring myself to write about racism or sexism or the economy or super delegates or the media. I just can't. I can't even bring myself to read about weighty issues. I stayed off the computer last night. No Salon. No Politico. No Huffington Post. No New York Times. I didn't even surf over to my favorite blogs. Instead, I crawled into bed with a magazine to watch "Ghost Hunters International" on the Sci Fi Channel--a cheesetastic, guilty pleasure.I am fascinated by things that go bump in the night--not hockey mask wearing maniacs or glassy-eyed aliens, but spooks and specters. I love a good ghost story, especially local legends: Resurrection Mary who roams Archer Ave. southwest of Chicago, the chilling tale of the LaLaurie house in News Orleans' French Quarter, or the Grey Lady of Evansville, Indiana's Willard Library. Want ...
More About: Ghosts
I've got issues. What are yours?
2008-02-05 19:59:00
I was reading Shecodes' post on Black Women Vote about Obama supporters vowing to sit out the November election if Hillary Clinton wins, when I realized that I have been making a grave error. For all my insistence, here and on other blogs, that black women are not a monolith, I'm afraid I have been wrongheadedly viewing us as a voting group whose members have identical issues that are important to them. And that is wrong.   Though black women share a common desire for equality, I imagine the other issues that drive our political decisions are more varied than our hair textures and skin tones. If mainstream voters are influenced by class, education, religion, geography and a host of other factors, is it realistic to expect black folks to vote as one? What is the "black vote" anyway?   Here are some of the issues that are important to me in the 2008 presidential campaign:   Economy - I want to see Bush's tax cuts ro...
More About: Issues
Before you go to the polls today...
2008-02-05 13:38:00
Do you know where your preferred candidate stands on issues that are important to you?Find out at http://www.ontheissues.org/, a supposedly nonpartisan site that gathers information from votes, speeches, newspapers and the Internet.And remember, like Patti Smith says, "People have the power."
More About: Today , Polls
Progressives' dirty little secret
2008-02-04 22:09:00
Progressives can be just as race biased as conservatives. There, I said it. Oh, I know, the common narrative says that conservatives are the racists. And that ideological group may well harbour more members with overt hatred toward people of color. But liberals have biases, too. And as long as those biases go ignored and unexamined, progressives have no right to exude more-egalitarian-than-you smugness. Given the last several months of the presidential race, I fear a racial rift within the Democratic party is imminent if members don't open their eyes to their own prejudice.It is disappointing to see Dick Morris' predictions about the aftermath of Barack Obama 's win in South Carolina come true:If Hillary loses South Carolina and the defeat serves to demonstrate Obama's ability to attract a bloc vote among black Democrats , the message will go out loud and clear to white voters that this is a racial fight. It's one thing for polls to show, as they now do, that Obama beats Hillary ...
More About: Dirty , Secret , Progressives
Fear and loathing in the flyover states
2008-02-02 19:26:00
I don't have much patience for smug attitudes about the Midwest. I was born and raised here, and though I have traveled all over the country, for now, I have chosen to make my life here. There are progressive people in the Midwest...there are radical people in the Midwest...there are creative people in the Midwest...there are erudite people in the Midwest...there are wealthy people in the Midwest...there are cosmopolitan people in the Midwest, just like on the coasts.The Midwest does have it's own unique personality that encompasses some of the lore about the flyover states.Here in central Indiana, folks won't let you pass by without speaking. Mind you, I'm not talking about just "hello." I once helped a woman reach a box of detergent at Wal-Mart and was treated to a lengthy dissertation on the proper use of Borax. Everyone wants to talk about the weather, the Colts, the price of gas, Aunt Fanny's bursitis...whatever. Folks go out of their way to make you feel welcome. And in m...
More About: Fear , John Mellencamp , Fear and Loathing , States
My Black History: Little Gifts
2008-02-01 03:07:00
One year ago this month, inspired by Henry Louis Gates' "African American Lives" series, I began exploring MY black history--that is the history of my family. I took advantage of a free trial on Ancestry.com and typed in some family names. Within seconds I was looking at my grandfather's World War II enlistment papers. Weeks later I was holding my great-grandmother Josie's death certificate, learning her parents names and why she died at just 30 years old. Since then, I have traced nearly every branch of my family tree back to the generation just pre-emancipation.My work is harder now. Moving further back in my family's history will require examining slave census records, bills of sale, wills and bibles from slave-holding families and other documents. Big breakthroughs are fewer and farther between, but every now and again I get these little gifts. I'll take another look at a census and find a missing relative right under my nose. Or, a long-lost cousin will contact me and help...
More About: History , Gifts , Black , Black History
Should I stay or should I go?
2008-01-31 20:53:00
No doubt many a woman has asked herself that in the context of an ailing marriage. Matters of the heart are messy. The reasons that people decide to stay or go are intensely personal. So why are we so hard on women in the public eye who opt to fix broken unions?File this under yet more strange criteria folks are using to select a Democratic presidential candidate. During this primary season, I've heard several women say, "I just can't forgive Hillary for sticking with Bill after the Monica Lewinsky thing." Carlita Kilpatrick, wife of embattled Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, whose affair with an administration employee is all over Motor City news and the black blogosphere, has elicited similar disappointment from women. Juanita Jordan...Vanessa Bryant...the list goes on.Hearing stories about wives done wrong by high-profile husbands angries up a woman's blood. There is an initial tendency to shout a Whitney Houstonesque "Hell to the naw!" and declare that the offending lout be ki...
More About: Hillary Clinton , Stay
Now, NOW
2008-01-30 13:04:00
The great thing about being a modern woman is that I get to choose. I get to choose to marry or not. I get to choose to have children or not. I get to choose to have a career or not. I get to choose to have a traditional job or not. I get to choose to vote or not. I have far more choices than my mother, grandmothers or great-grandmothers had. I certainly have more choices than my great-great-grandmothers--several born in bondage--had. My ability to choose gives me freedom. But once again during this political campaign, other women would have me give my freedom of choice away.In a Jan. 26 article in the Globe and Mail, writer Karen von Hahn not only co-signs Gloria Steinem's ridiculous assertion that gender - not race - is "probably the most restricting force in American life," as well as her historically dishonest point that "black men were given the vote a half-century before women," but von Hahn also bemoans the fact that many third wave feminists view supporting a candidate base...
More About: Hillary Clinton , Ted Kennedy
Taking it all off
2008-01-29 13:24:00
Beware of her fair hair, for she excels All women in the magic of her locks; And when she winds them round a young man's neck, She will not ever set him free again. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe The hair is the richest ornament of women. - Martin LutherYo mama hair so short she curls it with rice.- Thousands of "dozens" playersWhatever.- TamiIn the natural hair community (What? Yes, there is a natural hair community.), there are two ways a black woman can shake a dependency to unnaturally straight hair. She can "transition," gradually clipping off chemically straightened ends as her natural hair grows. Or, she can do "the big chop," hacking off all her processed hair, leaving a TWA (That's teenie weenie afro.). It is hard for any woman to contemplate cutting off her hair, but I submit that it is even tougher for black women. If we are honest, most of us try to minimize the ways our appearance departs from mainstream (read: European) beauty standards. And standards say that part of ...
More About: Taking
Bill Clinton is a black man: What Toni Morrison really said
2008-01-28 16:10:00
Thank you, Elizabeth Alexander! In "Our first black president," an article on Salon, Alexander provides some context for the oft-repeated meme that Bill Clinton was America's first black president, a notion that grew from a New Yorker article penned by author Toni Morrison.Morrison made the comment only once, in a short essay in the NewYorker in the aftermath of the Monica Lewinsky scandal and impendingpresidential impeachment proceedings. As far as I could find, she has never usedthe phrase again and has not disseminated it beyond the New Yorker piece. Herwords have been used frequently and almost always out of their original context,as a way of signaling Bill Clinton's supposed comfort with and advocacy forblack people, to the extent that Hillary Clinton even attempted to joke that shewas "in this interracial marriage."A look at the context of the words at the source is illuminating. Morrisonbegan by describing a nation glued to unseemly details of Bill Clinton'srelationship wi...
More About: Barack Obama , Black
Politics: It's a dirty game
2008-01-27 17:14:00
So, political consultant and commentator Dick Morris thinks Hillary Clinton's loss in South Carolina will be the springboard for her coronation as the Democratic nominee for president.The Clintons are encouraging the national media to disregard the whites whovote in South Carolina?s Democratic primary and focus on the black turnout,which is expected to be quite large. They have transformed South Carolina intoWashington, D.C. ? an all-black primary that tells us how the African-Americanvote is going to go......If Hillary loses South Carolina and the defeat serves to demonstrateObama?s ability to attract a bloc vote among black Democrats, the message willgo out loud and clear to white voters that this is a racial fight. It?s onething for polls to show, as they now do, that Obama beats Hillary amongAfrican-Americans by better than 4-to-1 and Hillary carries whites by almost2-to-1. But most people don?t read the fine print on the polls. But if blacksdeliver South Carolina to Obama, eve...
More About: Politics , Dirty , Game
Who will win South Carolina?
2008-01-26 16:48:00
Tonight--a special edition of the Black Women's Roundtable at 7:30 p.m. EST. Discuss South Carolina as the primary results are tallied.
More About: South Carolina
Check me out at What About Our Daughters
2008-01-25 21:03:00
Read my latest post "What would Jesus do...about BET?" at What About Our Daughters .
More About: Check
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