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Sexist Bitch
2008-04-05 02:47:00
Last night reminded me of why I hated women so much.Spent the afternoon with a semi-good friend of mine. Things were going fine until she asserted that we were to meet a friend of hers in the city. When we arrived, however, it seemed that her friend had also brought along another friend. My friend did not get along with my friend's friend's friend. It was this instantaneous onslaught of mad, vicious, all-out girly bitching. I just tried to laugh it off, but I was really retching inside...could not believe what I got myself into.Eventually my friend's friend's friend left in a huff. I breathed a sigh of relief, only to encounter a verbal assault of mammoth proportions by way of my friend. For the whole time during dinner, she went on and on about how her new-found enemy was an old, ugly dog with no sense of style or any sort of worldly experience, to put it as mildly as possible.After the tirade had finished, we made our way to a nearby bar. The topic of conversation on the way c...
More About: Bitch

Man Coming Out of a Woman?
2008-04-02 11:43:00
This is the best contraception idea ever. I'm falling in love with fumetti all over again! Am loving retro sleaziness.Have been obsessed with an art work by Robert Gober, I think it is titled "Man Coming Out of a Woman ". Perhaps the most accurate title for a piece of art I've seen for sometime. You'll know what I'm talking about if you ever see it. The problem is I can't seem to find it on the web anywhere...let alone trying to get a print of it to put on my wall. Can anyone help me?Loving general sleaziness.On the flipside, the two pairs of jeans I bought at the Sass and Bide sale on the weekend have utterly failed me. Due to the general rowdiness of the crowd, I grabbed two pairs in size 28 and quickly tried them all. Having deemed them a well-enough fit, I headed straight for the counter without thinking twice.(More likely than not, I was just really fucking excited about getting designer jeans for so cheap.)With the weather just starting to cool off, I wore the jeans out al...
More About: A Woman

Buy & Bye
2008-03-30 03:14:00
Just ordered via the magical fantastical Red Eye Records (I'm going to spend ALL of my money there if I head over to Sydney):Gentle Ben and His Sensitive Side - The Beginning of the EndTom Tom Club - Self-titledJohn Zorn - Godard/SpillaneOh my fucking god I can't wait!And thank god for the demise of Daylight Saving. Good riddance! Who needs that much light anyway?See the Stones: the sunshine bores the daylights out of me.Perhaps the most profound thing to ever come out of Mr. Jagger's gaping hole....why you dirty bastards!

Travelling Shorts
2008-03-26 12:50:00
Met up with the Ex-Fuck Buddy for coffee. He picked me up after work. Or at least tried to. When I had finished my eight hours of elongated boredom and was looking forward to the smell of nice freshly roasted coffee beans, his car failed to start.We had to push-start the car, but he had parallel-parked and there wasn't enough space. Fortunately the road was next to a spacious lawn. His drives a tiny two-seater convertible roadster (I always wondered how he manages to fit his lanky six-foot-three frame into it with so much ease) so firstly we pushed the vehicle off the road and onto the grass. Well, he mostly pushed, whilst I fussed about doing 'hard labour' in my new shiny patent leather t-bar heels.Obviously I wasn't prepared to do any physical work. His car was a manual so much time was spent introducing me to the clutch. A vehicle does not need that many foot pedals. It's a mode of transport, not a piano. But then even my piano only has two foot-pedals...So he started pushi...
More About: Travelling , Shorts

My Human Gets Me Blues
2008-03-25 16:10:00
Whilst waiting for the bus home in the city busport at 9pm, I was trapped into a conversation by a heavily intoxicated Aboriginal man in his thirties. First it started innocent enough, then he mentioned that he doesn't want me to get the 'wrong idea', but then straight away proceeded to tell me where he lived and invited me to go home with him.Things got worse when I realized he was waiting for the same bus as I was. His verbal harassment continued after we boarded the bus. The bus driver kept quiet. I was starting to get mildly annoyed. I put my headphones on and ignored the Aboriginal man. He just stared at me even harder. The bus driver still didn't intervene.A few minutes later I felt a hand tapping my shoulder. I turned around to the sight of a short Asian guy, barely in his twenties, holding a mobile phone in my face. He had written a text massage. It read "r u ok? i can call the cops if u want?"It made me smile. I thanked him and told him I would be fine. He asked again b...
More About: Blues , Human

Musical Mathematics
2008-03-23 12:43:00
I spent two whole hours listening to Tom Tom Club's 'Genius of Love' over and over and over again.The track is three minutes and forty-two seconds long. Which equates to two hundred and twenty-two seconds per play. There are seven thousand and two hundred seconds in two hours.Two hundred and twenty-two divided by seven thousand and two hundred equals......32.432432.That's 32.432 reoccurring times I've listened to that song in a row.God I love it to death.
More About: Mathematics , Musical

For a Good Cause
2008-03-22 03:58:00
And the Boy calls again. This time with a proposal of a very different caliber.He said that if I was to send him videos of myself masturbating with a dildo, he'd let me fuck him with a strap-on when he came back.It's lovely how you never get a chance to get what you really want until you break up with them.I don't know if I want it because I find it extremely sexually stimulating, but it's more the idea of sodomizing the Boy who is (1) conservative; (2) a control-freak; (3) physically tall/strong; and (4) homophobic, that seems so appealing. I reckon it would be the cutest thing ever.And why is he being so generous?Well, apparently he has been finding it hard to wank off with porn, but seems happily able to ejaculate when watching the past videos we made together. It appears that a man's got to give up certain things to keep the supply flowing, even if it is his ass cherry.As for me, I had to reject the offer. As much as I want to fuck his gorgeous ass nice and hard, I can't g...
More About: Good

Easter Has Been Cancelled Folks...They Found the Body
2008-03-21 01:36:00
Black guys like white chicks;White guys like Asian chicks; andAsian guys like WoW.There you go folks, cultural-crossbreeding in a haiku.Happy Easter !
More About: Body , The Body

Thank You, Come Again
2008-03-17 06:32:00
Phone call today again from the Boy, presumedly to apologize. An apology that I didn't want to hear. He rang my landline because I wouldn't answer on my mobile. Home phone does not have caller ID so I picked up, damn.Boy: Hey, is that you?Me:...No.Boy: What?Me: You heard me, 'no'.Boy: I can tell it's your voice, you know.Me: Erm...wrong number.Boy: What? I know your number!Me: Sorry sir, wrong number.Boy: Stop being silly and talk to me!Me: Me no speak English.Boy: You speak English better than me...Me: Special fried rice, extra MSG!Boy: Okay, I know you are upset, but I just want to talk to you, alright?Me: You want fries...I mean, prawn crackers with that?He eventually got the point and left me alone. I think I dealt with that situation pretty well, eh.

Start Making Sense
2008-03-16 03:56:00
The Boy called yesterday and wanted to know (for the umpteenth time) if I wanted us to get back together. But what made this time different from the rest was that, upon hearing my refusal, he proceeded to tell me that he had met and exchanged phone numbers with another girl.(And?)Me: Are you asking for my permission to date?Boy: No!...I mean, its not like that...Me: If I say 'yes', we'd be a couple again and you'd forget about her, yeah?Boy: Well of course.Me: If I say 'no', you are going to go out with her, yeah?Boy: I'm not sure...I guess...maybe.Me: Then how's that not asking for my permission?This is the man who proclaims that he wouldn't even be able to meet anyone for 'months and months' because I was the 'only one for him'. A mere two weeks onwards, he's about to embark on a date with another girl. It seems that he said those heart-warming things in attempt to get me back, and when that failed, he's happy to settle for someone else.I've never lied to him. I'v...
More About: Sense , Start

Laws of Attraction
2008-03-12 11:05:00
Nearly killed myself today. Whilst driving, the car in the right lane blocked my vision and I went to turn at the intersection, only to find myself in front of an oncoming truck. It managed to stop just in time. Still...not a pleasant start to the day.After such a shocking experience I expected to have a positive life-changing revelation of some sort. It never came. Instead, the trauma continued. At uni we were shown a film with a naked lady holding a freshly decapitated chicken whilst the latter convulsed and squirmed for two minutes and sprayed blood all over the former (I wonder if chickens empty their bowels when they die). Thank you Ms. Mendieta, I value your contribution to human society.And it didn't stop there. In the afternoon I found out that the guy I had a crush on from work is resigning. Grr...I mean he's not that good-looking, but ohhh, the accent...Things I look for in men:British/Irish accentover 6 foot 1long pink uncircumcised cockbig green eyes*a cute buttThings ...
More About: Laws , Attraction

Third Time...Never Lucky
2008-03-08 12:13:00
It seems like I've spoken too soon. I must be sending out an ultra-fertile scent or something because I've been asked out on a date three times in the past two days. My ego should be bigger than McCain's lead over the rest of the Republican race, right (not like that I give a crap, of course...hmmph)? Bleh, it's never that easy.Potential date no. 1:Randomly came up to me at uni and started speaking in my native language. Shock! Horror! I was impressed, but then it turned to embarrassment when I realized a white guy spoke Mandarin better than I did. He said I was 'cute' (hate that word) and that we should go for a coffee. I was so ecstatic at the fact that this was the first time I was chat up in Mandarin - plus the novelty of having it coming from the mouth of a Caucasian - I almost said yes. That is, until I realized he was in his late thirties and had a slight receding hairline. Ergh.Potential date no. 2:Met whilst shopping with friends in the city. The great thing about the...
More About: Time , Lucky

Any Excuse'll Do
2008-03-06 05:20:00
Uni has started. I'm working 40 hours next week, add to that the 15 hours of uni, I officially have no time for boys.So you can imagine my disappointment when my dating (hopefully not mating?) season ended on such a terrible note. Halfway during dinner the guy - who obviously gets a kick out of providing girls with complimentary heart attacks - says:"You know, you're great, I'd love to love you."(Whaaat the flying fuck??)It took me a while to decipher that he meant love love and not fuckhole love. And here I thought I'd heard everything under the sun.To be honest I don't know which one is better.Now must go cure my horror with shoe-shopping...oh Charles & Keith I love love you!

So You Think You Can Dance
2008-03-04 15:28:00
The Japanese have finally created something beyond awesomeness.Why wasn't I that cool when I was ten years old?
More About: Dance , So You Think You Can Dance

Any Publicity is Bad Publicity
2008-03-03 11:50:00
My favourite yoga class was ruined today. The instructor picked on me in front of the entire fucking class.Somehow she recognized that I could 'handle' more advanced poses, so she made me do them while the rest of the class watched, including the King Pigeon and the Wheel. I have always had strong back muscles and a flexible spine, so back bend positions were never a problem. But I felt like I was back in primary school, told to stand up in front of the class for getting the highest mark in the spelling bee or something. The straight-A's kid was never popular, we all know that.They say any publicity is good publicity. But what makes good publicity good at all? Public appraisal has never been something I reveled in...I enjoyed a certain level of anonymity in my yoga class, it was my weekly retreat away from all the confusion. Straight after I accomplished the assigned poses though, I noticed the others already scrutinizing me. Some people clapped and complimented me after the cla...
More About: Publicity

Love Bites
2008-03-01 12:26:00
Wasn't sure how to tell the Boy that I thought we shouldn't do the long distance thing again. In fact, I was absolutely petrified at the thought of his reaction. I stayed over his place last night, and waited until just before bedtime, when we were all under the covers, and the lights were turned off - I couldn't bear to see his face.He muttered the usual 'but we love each other' excuse, and I could feel him getting teary beside me. I was so nearly swayed, I never had strong decision-making capabilities. To be cliched: my head wants one thing and my heart the other. So I guess I just have to listen my gut.But then again to break the heart of a man who has just flown all the way across the country to surprise and say that he loves you makes any girl feel like downright bitch.
More About: Love

Making Up For Lost Time
2008-02-28 14:02:00
Fuck fuck fuck.It is the Boy.He sent himself back.I was enjoying my day off yesterday relaxing and re-reading 120 Days of Sodom (as one does when one wants to relax) when I get a phone call from the all-too-familiar number.Boy: Have you received the present yet?Me: No.Boy: Well I think you should take a look out your window!Me:...Boy: Well?Me: I'm scared...Boy: What?Me: (in whiny voice) I don't wanna look out the window...Eventually he managed to coax me to look out my window, and what do you know, there he was, standing there, smiling his I'm-so-cute smile and doing his I'm-so-cute wave. When I walked downstairs to meet him I couldn't look at his face for an entire hour. But the fact the that he is nearly a foot taller than me made the job easier. He told me he loved me and that he wanted to get back together, even though his job commitments require that he remain on the other side of the country until the end of the year.I do love that cute sonofabitch.But I just don't know ...
More About: Lost , Time

Five Sexiest Songs of All Time
2008-02-27 04:45:00
I'm bored...it's list-making time.1. The Pixies - DeadThis is one of my favourite Pixies songs. I love the story of David and Bathsheba. I love the screechingly maniacal verses sung by Frank Black. I love the strange juxtaposition of the beautifully melodic chorus anchored by Joey Santiago's surf-esque guitar. I love it so much this used to be the masturbation song for me when I first begun to touch myself. This song would be all I needed to get off - the whole two minutes and twenty-one seconds of it. Things would start heating up by 'my blood is working but my, my heart is dead' and I was guaranteed to come during the last chorus. Oh sweet reminiscence, back in the day when orgasms were aplenty. Maybe its the nostalgia that makes it so great.2. The Cramps - I Can't Hardly Stand ItNo offence to Jody Chastain and Charlie Feathers' original, but its the Cramps' booze-drenched swagger that is the key component of this song's sexiness. Maybe its just me, but every time I hear...
More About: Songs , Time

Open Wide
2008-02-24 13:04:00
Awesome Book Title.Now if I saw this a year ago, I wouldn't be making phone calls to the other side of the country now every time I felt like masturbating. Trying to convince myself that the Boy is just my phone sex whore.Oh, and Quote of the Millennium - because I said so: "For the first time in my life, I understand the pain so many women have experienced because they thought men loved them..."
More About: Open , Wide

Sonic Fate
2008-02-23 10:29:00
Everyone is going to the Sonic Youth gig tonight.I went to get my ticket five days after it went on sale.It sold out in four-and-a-half days.Tickets were going for two to three hundred dollars on Ebay a few days ago.Text message conversation today:Me: I may not be able to see Sonic Youth play, but guess who just gave Kim Gordon directions to Hay Street Mall.S.F.W.H.T.*: I hate you.*S.F.W.H.T. = Smug Friend Who Has Tickets
More About: Fate

What's in the Box
2008-02-21 05:34:00
Further developments in the present the Boy sent me. He gave me the following clues:it's in a box;it's big;it's not alive;it's got my name on it;it's got something dirty well-hidden inside;it's hard in certain places but bendy in others;it may not be that exciting, butI'll definitely like it.Then he proceeded to inform me that two and a half of the above clues are incorrect.The man is fucking with my head.Had coffee with the ex fuck-buddy yesterday. He thought maybe the Boy was sending himself back for a week. I was mortified...hopefully not, its been hard enough trying to get over him as it is. After a pina-colada frappe and details about each others' sex lives, ex fuck-buddy leaned in and whispered to me that all the sex talk and got him hard. With precum.Now back in the days when we were fucking, this usual statement would be immediately followed by him dragging me off to the nearest 'secluded' spot where I'd proceed to suck his gorgeous cock. But I was horrified...the...

D.I.Y.
2008-02-20 03:10:00
The Boy called me yesterday. So much for not speaking to him again. He asked me if I still loved him, and when I said that I did he told me that he had sent me a 'nice present' and that I was not to have sex until I received it.I wonder what it is. Perhaps its a dildo moulded from his penis.But I much prefer this version...love the advertising: warning may contain traces of nuts. Hehe...

Finally Caving In
2008-02-18 10:31:00
Went out with culture is my middle name guy yesterday. Meant to check out the new photography exhibition at the art gallery but work went overtime. So we just had dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant instead. He looked fucking gorgeous in a tight brown t-shirt that showed off his upper body, and I wore my new bright red studded pointed heels. The conversation wasn't the most engaging, but I looked terrific and so did he, that made me happy.After a bottle of Sauvignon blanc each I was beyond happiness. I thought he was 30 and he thought I was 25. He is actually 35 and I am...well, definitely not over 25. But we still got a hotel room and fucked.He had the sexiest tanned body, as anyone who participates in 20km swims would. I was so horny, but I couldn't even get wet, let alone get off. I don't know if it was the extra long day at work, or the excessive booze, or my feelings for the Boy which won't disappear...but he found it difficult to even slip a finger inside. And even when i...
More About: Finally

You've Been A Very Naughty Girl
2008-02-15 14:34:00
Aftermath of yesterday's nude beach session: sunburn.I am usually very careful with sunscreen. No one wants to go to the beach with me because I sit on the sand reapplying the inch-thick layer of cream upon my body every five minutes. It also means I have to carry at least an one-litre pump bottle of the product around. Sexy.But yesterday I was sick of my white ass. So I purposely left it SPF-less. I laid on my front whilst my friend laid on her back. Every so often I'd inquire as to the colour of my buttocks, to which the response would always be, "they are really fucking white". Sexy.After getting home and having a shower, however, my cheeks turned a bright shade of red (and no - I wasn't blushing either). Now I have trouble sitting down, I can't sleep on my back without it hurting, and I look like I have nappy rash. Sexy.Now that's another excuse not to get into that fling...I look like I've just been a very very bad girl. Unless you don't mind a bit of spanking. Or irrita...
More About: Girl

Happy Silly Day
2008-02-14 10:22:00
Happy Valentine's Day.I received roses and chocolates sent by the Boy, but I also received news that the Boy is not coming back until the end of the year. So we need to cut it off cleanly. I love him, but I can't stand the long distance limbo thing for another year. So yeah...happy Valentine's Day.On a better note, I went nude beaching today with a friend. We found ourselves a relatively empty spot around the rear of the beach to lie and sunbake, but soon men started to put their towels down in the spaces surrounding us, slowly closing in like vultures to a piece of recently-deceased carcass. Beautiful.There was a few who seemed especially attentive. An European guy who had a terribly hairy butt; a scrawny fellow with a penchant for Baywatch-esque poses and frequent hard-ons; and a gorgeous tall, fit guy with the sexiest biceps ever. Guess which one caught my attention.He smiled at me and I went over to talk to him. I got his number...but upon leaving I noticed - as his legs wer...
More About: Happy , Silly

Hey You, Long Time No Fuck
2008-02-10 12:30:00
This has officially been the longest time I've been single and not have had sex since...well, since I've started having sex. I'm hoping this self-imposed exile will somehow prove beneficial to my pussy. On the other hand, my pussy has decided it wants to disown me.The only thing remotely close to fucking I get is talking about it.Ex-fuck buddy: well u have caught me at a rather randy time. watching fisting porn at the moment. soooo hotMe: for someone that's getting regular sex, you watch too much porn.E.F.B.: first this chick was using a baseball bat, got her nice and prepared! lolE.F.B.: something about a baseball bat in a pussy that is just sooo hotMe: erm.Me: no.Me: what if it has splinters in it?Me: ouch.E.F.B.: use an aluminum oneMe: isn't that tee ball?
More About: Time , Long , Fuck

You Give Me Fever
2008-02-09 06:43:00
One of my mates just came back from China. He is half Chinese and this was his first time there. He went to Beijing. He loved it. Keeps raving on about the emerging underground scene and how all the bands sound like early Sonic Youth and the Swans from late-80s New York. And how he didn't realize Chinese men were capable of liking the Lemonheads, Big Star and Husker Du. How he bought artworks from a North Korean socialist art gallery. How now he has yellow fever and white girls can't compare anymore.Can you even have yellow fever if you are half Chinese?
More About: Give , Fever

Chinese New Year Greetings
2008-02-06 10:15:00
Went out and watched Lust, Caution last night. Exceedingly long. Exceedingly good. With an array of sex scenes that resemble the reenactment of the Kama Sutra. Needless to say my male filmgoing companion was extremely satisfied. As usual, the female lead was young and pretty with a tight body, and the male lead was over 40 with a flabby arse.After the movie the Boy rang and wished me a happy Chinese New Year . It was sweet, apart from the fact that Chinese New Year is actually tomorrow. This is already the second time he has wished me a happy Chinese New Year in the last week...he also called up on the 2nd of February and said the same thing. His enthusiastic spirit seemed to deflate when I had to reject his well-wishings for the second time. Poor darling.Am flat out from work and have to go out for dinner with the family tonight, Chinese New Year Eve. Apparently the eve is more important than the actual day, so Mum says. Maybe I'll tell the Boy that when he rings to wish me a third...

How to Go Out, Have Fun, and Wake up in Your Own Bed
2008-02-03 05:35:00
Went out clubbing with a mate last night. Thought it would boost my self-esteem. Then realized it probably wouldn't work due to the fact that she is a model. Does standing next to 'really really ridiculously good looking' people make you seem hotter, or just uglier by comparison?Our only rule was to avoid the dubious Asian-infested Metro City, which almost every group of random white guys seemed to be asking us to. Why is it the general presumption that Asian people like to surround themselves with more Asian people? Needless to say their offers were politely and graciously refused whilst we headed over to Rise and the Paramount. Northbridge was suspiciously quiet for a Saturday night.Waltzing past numerous underage-looking pimply boys and horrendously overweight chicks to the front of the line where we received a free entry for being so 'really really ridiculously good looking', I didn't even have enough time to finish my gin and tonic when a cute tanned guy started smiling ...
More About: Wake , Wake up

Sex Tissues
2008-02-01 09:55:00
Something terrible happened: I got paid.Which is a horrendous thing, believe me. To commemorate the acquirement of my wages, I went shopping. By myself. Now when you go shopping with other people, you become distracted and engage yourself in mindless conversation, and end up not paying as much attention to the goods on offer. When you go shopping by yourself, however...all hell breaks loose.I bought so much shit...stuff that I'll probably wear once and never touch again. But I bought shoes. Sexy shoes. They are white, leather, peep-toe, sling-back, with chrome metal embellishments and a 4-inch heel. I was in love. I was so obsessed that I came home, took them out of their box and put them on whilst I laid in bed talking on the phone to the Boy. I proceeded to explain to him that in terms of my affection, he has been replaced by the sexy shoes, to which he became very confused.Only later did I realize he had misheard me and was under the impression that I had fallen head over heels ...