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Dear Readers....
2008-04-18 16:01:00
I have decided that I will probably abandon this blog for the moment to focus on my Phantom one, which seems to have an extremely high interest. It is also more time consuming in posting, because of researching behind the story, etc. I originally started my website JustOneSingle.com and this Just One Single blog hoping that I could use it as a venue to reach out to other singles and provide encouragement and help. But as my earlier posts represent below, most are just focused on getting "out" rather than trying to find the strength to make it through. I've also had a huge education in website development and paying for those little clicks and hosting to drive visitors to my sites. I invested around $700 between October and December of last year to advertise, with no luck, and made no payable commissions on any of my affiliate links. This is really about priorities for me at the present time, as well. I've started a fiction writing class this week at a community college, which...
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The Masks We Wear
2008-03-30 05:16:00
Okay, I'll be the first to admit, I like wearing a mask. I've been so wrapped up in Phantom blog I probably think more about the symbolism in that story, than I do about living my life as a single. After all, the ending song is learn to be lonely, right? I've added the lyrics below, so you can sing along. In case you've forgotten the Phantom's plight in life. Anyway, I love masks. I found this mask on iStockphoto (paid my $1 right to use it). It's one of the masks someone wore at the Venice Carnival in Italy. If you've never looked at the carnival, you should Google the event and read about it. It's quite a big deal -- people dress up in elaborate costumes with masks pretending to be someone else. Great way to escape for a day, become a character or a person you'd like to look like. I've been joking on MySpace that this mask is my cheap face lift. At 58, hey, works for me. No pain. I look as good, if not better, than I did at 28! I can continue to hide behind it while I re...
More About: Wear , Masks , Single Life

Resurrection
2008-03-23 15:52:00
Whether or not you're a Christian and celebrate Easter today, resurrection is still a good thought to ponder. Resurrection -- a rising from the dead.I think most of us divorcees will agree there has been death in our past, and not the kind of the literal mortal sense of the death of a body. The type of death I speak of here is more along the lines of relationships. Marriages that were once alive and breathing, that are now past and buried in the memories of our lives. We can carry grief over broken marriages for quite some time, as well as a feeling of failure and a fear to try again.However, there comes a time for all of us, that we must resurrect the dead feelings within us to carry on in life and perhaps find new love once again. Maybe it will take a miracle to resurrect your desire to find love once again because of the hurt you have experienced. Sometimes I think it will in my life. We must have hope though that there is life after the death of a marriage. It's a hope that al...

Dealing with the "Ex's" Last Name
2008-03-17 00:24:00
I suppose since most of my readers are divorced, this article may have some relevance to divorced women only. Men, this probably won't apply to you since you get to keep your last name throughout life, unless you're entering into the witness protection program. Since this is going to be on a more personal level, I've changed the names to protect the innocent. (Just kidding...I'm leaving blanks instead.)So my ex has finally found someone after 8+ years of us being divorced. It's been going on for a while and I hear rumors of wedding bells. The fact that she is 40 years younger than he is could be an alarming factor. However, I've had a variety of feelings regarding this whole situation that I find somewhat puzzling, besides the age difference. But I'm not going there in this post.I truly have no feelings for him any longer. He's the father of my son. We had kept somewhat of a friendship over the years, and I somewhat depended on him as well. However, I have talked to him very...

Why Can't I Find Love?
2008-03-09 04:00:00
Why can't I find love? Boy, that's a question that haunts me every day. It's such a basic human need, yet it seems to hard to attain; and then once you attain it, it seems so hard to hang onto. There are days I'm at a total loss as to why I've been single since November 1999. It's a question that baffles me. As far as I'm concerned, the ability to live totally happily and totally fulfilled as a single individual is a gift. Unfortunately, it's not a gift I possess, and to tell you the truth, it's not a gift I want either. I'm a people person. I'm the type that likes to support someone, love someone, care about someone, and be loved in return. I'm the type that hums the songs like, "Love is a Many Splendored Thing." "Love is a many splendored thing. It's the April rose, that only grows in the early Spring. Love is natures way of giving, a reason to be living. The golden crown that makes a man a king. Once on a high and windy hill. In the morning mist, two lovers kissed, a...
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The "D" Word
2008-03-01 14:17:00
The "D" Word -- no I'm not talking about divorce today. I'm talking about a depressing subject -- depression. I'd be a liar if I didn't confess that I've struggled with it myself as a single. It comes and goes in my life since my divorce nine years ago, and it seems to be knocking on my door again.When I fell into the first pit, I found it a humbling experience to head to the doctor to find help. Dealing with depression can be an extremely defeating aspect of life. For me, I felt more of a failure having to admit I couldn't handle life without a pill. At the time, I had a great doctor who gave me the "medical" reasons why our brains short circuit occasionally. For me, I had gone through the following life challenges within a period of a few years: My marriage ended.I went through divorce.I moved seven times in three years, two of them major moves between states.My mother died and I had to bury her alone with no help.My son left home for college.I went through another relations...
More About: Single Life

Life Reflections
2008-02-24 22:45:00
"You make his beauty melt away like a moth;Surely every man is vapor. Selah" (Psalm 39:11 - KJV) Lately I've been in a very reflective mood regarding life. I try to get my inspiration for my posts from things that affect me in my daily walk. Today while in the grocery store at the self-serve checkout, I needed the attendant to okay my purchase of my Arbor Mist Blackberry Merlot. (Yes, I occasionally have a sip of wine.) She asked me if I was 21. Very funny, seeing I'm 58, though my daughter-in-law (bless her heart) says I don't look a day over 48. The attendant said, "Yeah, I just turned 21. I wish I could be 18 again." I looked at her in astonishment -- 18 again! God, if I could take 40 years off my life and be 18 again and know what I know now, how sweet it would be. God, I envy youth and miss it myself.I guess the older I get, the stranger life becomes to me. It reminds me of the Bible verse above. That we are but a vapor on earth - a momentary blip in the universe of the cyc...
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Acceptance and Intimacy
2008-02-16 03:36:00
Today while cruising one of the online dating sites I?m on, I came across a familiar face of someone I had met last year. We had a brief meeting, a few phone calls and emails, but he had decided he wasn?t ready to pursue a relationship (probably a nice way of saying I wasn?t the one). He went his way -- I went mine, and I noticed his profile disappeared off the net. Today I came upon him again, and wrote a quick email just to say hi. He wrote back a very heartfelt note that touched me, because I think it speaks volumes to what probably most of us feel as singles.He stated that everyone he?s met since then has wanted to change him, and secondly he misses physical intimacy. Well, he?s not alone. Two basic needs we all have -- acceptance for who we are and intimacy with another human being.My encouragement to him was not to settle for anything less. When we are in relationships where we have the expectation of changing someone into what we want, we do a great disservice to that person....
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Valentine's Day - Ugh!
2008-02-05 16:14:00
Every year we're faced with holidays. We have Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, then Valentine 's Day, which I attribute about as much fun as tax day on April 15th. Here we are. Another year. No flowers. No candy. No card. No dinner out. No kiss. No proposal. No one whispering in our ear, "I love you." Shall I say it? It sucks. Okay, I've got that out of my system.How did this holiday come about anyway? If you're dying to know the real story, it wasn't Hallmark cards or 1-800-Flowers who came up with the idea. Here's a link to educate yourself on the origin of Valentine's Day. Seems like the pagans came up with it first, then Christianity took it from there. The Europeans believed it was the day the birds started to mate!So what do you do with Valentine's day when you have no one? My advice, don't be anxious about it or feel left out. Show someone in your life you care about them instead. Remember, it's better to give than to receive. Turn it around and shed love ...
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Bloom Where You're Planted
2008-02-01 15:38:00
You've heard the saying, "Bloom where you're planted." As a single, what does that mean for you?Being alone has taught me valuable lessons. It's also opened my eyes to the possibilities that await before me as a human being and gives me the opportunities to explore the gifts I was born with without hindrance or distraction.I believe every one has gifts and special talents. You do too! You may not think so, because they lie dormant under the soil of your life. However, with a little watering, those gifts can bloom and you'll realize what they are. Some of you know your gifts, but you've done nothing with them. You're hiding them in the soil, because you're afraid to step out in faith and see where they will take you.For me, I've always wanted to write. When I was a little girl, I wrote stories with my best girlfriend about the Beatles (yes, this statement ages me). We use to fantasize on paper about being part of their lives. As I grew up, I sporadically wrote stories in scho...

The Message of the Rose
2008-01-26 17:00:00
The rose is a beautiful flower. It's been adored throughout history. A flower of romance and symbolism. We write songs and poems about it. We hold tournaments and parades in its honor. We crush its fragrant petals to make perfume. It's the flower of choice to give to someone you love.As beautiful as the rose is, however, it holds a hidden dark side. If it's not handled carefully in its beauty, it can cause great pain. How interesting that nature has designed a flower so beautiful to look at, but so painful to the touch. Has nature (or God) left a message in creation that as beautiful as romantic love can be, it can contain a thorn to pierce our hearts as well?I'm reminded of the scene in the Phantom of the Opera where Christine carries the red rose he's given her to the rooftop. After she declares her love for Raoul, she drops the rose that the Phantom had given her in the cold snow. As he picks up the discarded symbol of his love, he feels the thorn of rejection once again in ...
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Rescue Me
2008-01-20 07:00:00
It's been an interesting journey having a website for singles at JustOneSingle.com. I've accomplished the Google challenge of coming up in the top 15 in the keyword search "Single Help," but traffic to my site has been fairly low. I'm observing an interesting trend in the single world that most people would rather be rescued from single life than strengthened in single life. My web poll stats tell the story. 83% are divorcees17% never married33% are surviving single life67% are trying to change it0% are loving itPretty much tells it all. The majority of us are looking to be rescued from single life, which makes me wonder if I missed the mark and should have started a dating site instead. The votes are in, we all want out. Looks like we want rescuing instead of help.Hang in their, friends! Rescue is on the way."Rescue me. Oh take me in your arms. Rescue me. I want your tender charms. 'Coz I'm lonely and I'm blue. I need you and your love too. Come on and rescue me. " Rescue Me ....

Loneliness - No Respector of Persons
2008-01-12 06:35:00
Have you read the latest? Tyra Banks in an issue of Essence magazine is quoted as saying, "I'd go to work [on 'The Tyra Banks Show'], and women would be crying in my arms. But then I'd go home and put my key in my door and nothing. No friends, no husband, no children. I feel so full when I'm at work, but so empty when I come home." Reminds me of Whitney Houston singing the song, Run to You, with the words, "I play the role of someone always in control. But at night I come home and turn the key there's nobody there, no one cares for me. What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams without someone to share it with? Tell me what does it mean?"Interesting isn't it? Loneliness seems to have no respect for anyone. Doesn't matter if you're a famous gorgeous model, singer, TV or movie star, 18 to 80, or just a 57 year old woman like myself. We all have the same experience, that when we turn the key and enter our homes, loneliness is there waiting for us.At work I have peopl...

Contentment vs. Complacency
2008-01-05 19:19:00
I was thinking the other day how I?ve changed. There was a time I use to be so anxious about finding a husband, that it pretty much consumed my daily life. However, now I have a strange feeling of "I really don?t care." I?m trying to determine after being alone for so many years whether I?m bordering on contentment or complacency. Being content means that you are satisfied with what you have and don?t need anything more to be happy. It?s a state you finally reach or finally learn to live in. You stop striving and being anxious for what you don?t have and learn the secret of contentment in what you do have. You?re at rest about your situation, and at peace in the stage of life you find yourself. In the long run learning to be content in whatever situation you live is the safest place to be. It brings peace, but also keeps the door open for a potential mate. You don?t close the door to the possibility of finding someone, but you have found some contentment while you?re waiting. You?ve...
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New Year Reflections & Resolutions
2007-12-29 20:05:00
My favorite day of the year is January 1. I actually get more excited about New Year ?s day than any other holiday. It?s my R&R day - reflection and resolution day. There?s just something wonderful about the first day of a new year. It?s a new beginning, a clean slate, a year stretched before us with endless possibilities, hopes, and unknowns. What could be more exciting?On New Year?s Day I can reflect on the past year, remember it?s high points and low points. It was filled with single struggles and the usual single disappointment of spending another year alone. All the online dating sites failed to deliver (where?s my money-back guarantee?), and I didn?t meet anyone at the last single group or bump into the love of my life on the street. I learned a lot this past year too. I matured a bit, grew a bit emotionally, lost an old love, took my pain and reached out to others, tried something new, lost weight, gained it back, found a few more grey hairs and wrinkles, and married off m...
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Finding Purpose in Life
2007-12-22 18:36:00
Dr. Rick Warren wrote a book a few years ago called the "Purpose Driven Life " that made it to the best seller list. Since that book was released, having purpose in life seems to be a hot topic on the Internet. What is purpose? According to the dictionary one of it's definitions is the reason for which something exists. Being alone as a single and dealing with loneliness, it's pretty tough to find the reason for existence, isn't it? So why are we here? Where do we find purpose? Here are a few thoughts from my own life.I've learned that finding meaning and purpose in life cannot be dependent upon the people or relationships around us. For my own life, taking care of my elderly mother before she passed away gave me purpose. But when she died, it left a hole. Being married and taking care of my husband and a home gave me purpose, but when my marriage ended and I was no longer wanted, it left a hole. Taking care of my son gave me purpose, but then he grew up, left home, and got marri...

Pursuit of Happiness
2007-12-16 20:49:00
Are you happy? I keep stumbling across that question on the Internet quite a bit. It's usually posted on websites where there are open questions and everyone can pop in with their own answer. In all the answers I've read, I haven't seen one yet that has that all encompassing right-on response to the secret of happiness, though it seems people are trying awfully hard to find it.If I were to answer that question myself as I write my weekly blog, I'll have to stop a moment and ponder that thought. Let's see...if I am to take an assessment of my present state of happiness at 11:53 a.m., PST, on December 16, 2007, I would say I am happy, BUT not quite as happy as I believe I could be, if per chance I finally realize the one thing I'm waiting for in life that I believe will bring me ultimate happiness. Since I've yet to achieve that all encompassing happy thing I dream about all the time, I can conclude in my own mind I'm not at the peak of ultimate happiness.Alas, the question re...
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New Beginnings
2007-12-09 06:56:00
Today I went to the show and saw a movie that will probably go unnoticed by many. It's entitled Noelle. I occasionally shed a tear at the theater, but I don't usually blubber uncontrollably like I did at this one. It's a low budget, hardly publicized movie, with a touching message. It will never win an Emmy or an Oscar (though it has been recognized at the Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival). Those who act in it are unrecognizable as famous stars. However, there are three words spoken at the end of the movie that are very profound and life changing.As Christmas approaches for Christians, Hanukkah for Jews, and the Holidays for others, we are all participating in a time of the year that is meant to touch our hearts. For Christians, we celebrate the birth of Jesus. For Jews, the story Hanukkah and its miracles, and for others it's a time for Happy Holidays, Santa, and the ushering in of a new year. One standard theme prevails, however, and that's the one of gift giving.I...

Dealing with Leftovers
2007-12-02 00:46:00
The inspiration for this week?s blog is from my friend and co-worker, Loretta, who suggested that I write about what to do with Thanksgiving leftovers. Hum, since I rarely cook, I don?t usually deal with leftovers, but after pondering the leftover thought, I figure there has to be a lot of correlations we can draw from a Thanksgiving feast to Thanksgiving leftovers in our own lives, especially in the realm of relationships.Relationships at their peak can certainly be likened to a feast. They taste great, look great, and satisfy. When relationships break, however, we?re certainly left with a lot of leftovers in our lives such as memories both good and bad. What we do with those leftovers is pivotal as we move forward. We can either take those leftovers and recreate something just as wonderful as the first feast, or we can leave them in the cold refrigerators of our hearts to rot and grow mold. The choice is up to us.My fondest remake of Thanksgiving turkey leftovers is from my almost...
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"Accentuate the Positive - Minimize the Negative"
2007-11-22 17:10:00
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Being single, I know it can be tough, especially if you're alone.When I grew up I had a large family. My mother had four brothers who all had kids, and we'd get together every holiday as one great big clan. I remember my mother's cooking, and her great raisin tarts that were our holiday tradition (boy I miss those). Now my parents are dead, her brothers are all dead, my cousins are married and thousands of miles away. I haven't seen any of my cousins, except one, for over 12 years, or my brother since 1996. My cousins are disbursed in the U.S. in a variety of places, and we never talk to one another. I rarely talk to my brother either, except during the holiday season for short phone call.Not having a mate is hard during the holidays. Family is important to me because I have such fond memories of the joy of the holidays with them. My son is married now, and his wife's parents have invited me over today. They know I'm alone. However, being single, I...
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Finding Self Worth
2007-11-17 02:58:00
Well, let me start by saying I've received correction from a reader that men who choose younger women are not particularly doing so because it strokes their egos. It was the writer's opinion that younger women possess a certain "energy" older women lack, which they can find attractive. I could possibly argue that point, since I work over 40 plus hours a week on my regular job, work another part-time job from home, manage my blog and website, go to a gym almost daily, speed walk on treadmills, pump those weights, clean my home, take out my garbage, shop for myself, take care of my car, feed and walk the dog, and dispense all of my current energy into my own single life. Having said all that, I'm not sure what particular energy a younger woman would possess that I don't (unless of course you're referring to between the sheets). But, I'll let that argument drop and get to my blog for the week......which, by the way, brings me to the topic of finding worth in ourselves as singles....
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Two-Edged Sword of Single Life
2007-11-14 15:52:00
I find living the single life to be a two-edged sword. It has its positives and negatives. I've truly struggled with being single for years. I've been divorced now going on nine, have had only one relationship since then. I've met men at online dating sites and they've come and gone as quickly as a click of a mouse. Most of these men have been on there for years. I have no idea what they expect, besides younger women to stroke their egos. All the men at work are married and those who are not have alternative lifestyles. There's 5,000 people who come and go at my church, and 40% of them are single...but we never talk or cross paths. The single group has a whopping 30 or so in it. I'm not sure where the other 1,970 other singles are hiding. As far as family goes, I have one brother 2,000 miles away who I haven't seen in 10 plus years. No other siblings. My parents are long gone and buried. I have one son, who is married and busy with his own life. As far as friends, who has the...
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