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Time to close the doors and move on
2007-08-06 01:07:00
Closed door policy.The heaviness of it all.Tit for tat?OrBe a doormat?Do you know why i haven't been decisive in my way to manage your poor behaviour?Because i think the silent treatment is the most cruel response you can bestow on a fellow human being.I can easily do that to a stranger, but you ain't a stranger.So i planted the ball in your court, and i waited to see what you would do.And you threw it right back out, and it did not land in my court (though i know you say it will be, and that's the saddest part of it all).And that's how i made my decision.An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.You are 27 years old. I think it is time you mature and stop giving me, a 21 year old so many problems.A lot of my friends are aghast at your behaviour. But they are more disgusted that i am putting up with it.I have progressed past the point of feeling the sadness at the way our friendship is turning out. I have fought my heart out to salvage this situation.I am taking a different strateg...
More About: Friends , Time , The Doors , Close , Move

Reconsidering resuming martial arts
2007-08-02 16:36:00
The past few days have gone by in a whirl. From weeks of half-hearted scanning of the literature, and excited stints in the Emergency Department that only the foolhardy and naive first timer medical students are capable of exhibiting, my research project suddenly picked up an accelerated pace. I have got a reply from the Ethics Committee (they are the big shots that tell me whether i can proceed on with my project), and they have given me conditional approval. There is basically one factor that they are not too comfortable with and i had to hastily scanned through about 200 patient records of those who had presented as Code Greys (unarmed threats) to the ED to give them a credible (hopefully) reply.They are satisfied that i am undergoing four different types of trainings in order to ensure that i would be safe and be able to manage or defuse a situation in the event the patient has a second explosive episode. They had to be more than satisfied, seeing that after i have completed all...
More About: Martial Arts , Arts , Econ , Cons , Ming

Dirty looks and troubled auras
2007-07-29 17:50:00
I reckon it is a good time to at least mention something about my ongoing Spanish lessons that i have finally resumed after a year hiatus. [Edit: This is the 4th time i am listening to Bonnie Tylor's Total Eclipse of the heart. I am hit by one of those times where i suddenly love the song so much i can listen to it MANY times before i will turn the damn thing off. Feel pity for my housemate or anyone in the vicinity at the moment.]I was late for my very first Spanish lesson. Actually i made a supreme effort to be early but as far as i see it, the harder i try, the later i become. I was actually half an hour late. The trains were delayed, and there was an accident along the tram line, so no trams were arriving. By the time i finally arrived at my destination, i was fuming because it would have been much faster if i had walked from my place to the University instead.The Spanish Tutor was very serious in her work and she was really competent. Ambivalence and i have an impressive list ...
More About: Dirty , Troubled , Auras , Look , Bled

Beautiful, so beautiful. Do you know how preposessing you are?
2007-07-28 14:03:00
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.I saw your face in a crowded place Starbucks,And I don't know what to do,'Cause I'll never be with you.James BluntI will never dream of the day i can swoon over a guy's body. Honest to God, i never thought i was that kind of girl.But today, today, i found myself staring and stealing looks at him. I startled even myself when i discovered where my gaze always seem to land. Just looking, just admiring.I worked a late shift at Starbucks today. This was the second time i met him, a fellow part-timer, a dashing guy with looks so alluring i did not know what else i could do but glance away. An athletic build, not overboard like how some guys do it, but well-proportioned and well toned. He hails from Colombia, this tall enchanting man; my supervisor caught me looking at him whilst he was cleaning the floor. I could not help it. He was right in front of me, his long sexy limbs for me to gaze at. I would be abnormal not to...
More About: Jobs , Beautiful , Pose , Prep

Because...
2007-07-27 13:02:00
Because i am stubborn...Because i cannot believe that my best is enough, or anyone's best is not enough...Because i am confused...Because i do not want to be the one to make the inevitable decision...Because i do not want to make a mistake...Because i do not want to give up till i am dead...Because i don't want to make a decision when i don't seem to know what is happening...Because something feels not right when i do the opposite...Because i feel i can do more...Because i do not want to repeat a mistake that i made in the past...Because i tried so hard, and now i am indignant that all my efforts are going to waste...Because i cannot believe it...Because the fact that i am so appalled speaks for a lot (unless i am stupid)...Because although i see no way out anymore, i feel that we haven't yet exhaust all our options...Because so many reasons and so many turns of events keep telling me that this should not be it...Because my gut feeling says this ain't right even though my ratio...

The value of money is more than its monetary purpose
2007-07-27 11:27:00
Today at the shelter for homeless men, we had an unexpected surprise. After serving the men who were residents of the shelter, i was surprised to find another batch of hot fresh food laid out on the counter, and my fellow volunteers and workers scrambling to get the food ready."What's up?" I asked one of them in curiosity."Oh, the community centre up the road is undergoing some plumbing work, hence the people who normally eat there have been directed here," one of them, a big shot accountant, replied.The Community centre located up the road dishes out free food to homeless people or people who could not afford regular meals. They could include single mothers, elderly people or people just struggling to survive in society in general. They try to pay if they could, but most came because the standard of living has become too steep for them.When the doors opened, i started serving this new group of people. I observed them closely. They were different from the group of men i just served...
More About: Life , Money , Purpose , Pose

How can a blow have such an impact when we could see it coming all along?
2007-07-26 10:23:00
Sometimes in Life, we are dealt a hand we think is good. We try so hard, we sacrifice so much, but it still never works. I will probably never understand what went wrong and when it went all wrong; but i can vouch for you and i that we have been trying so damn hard all these months to make it work, but maybe it just ain't so. This is one of those instances that i sincerely believe that there is a Higher Being up there, because his word is law. No matter how hard you want something to work, if He says No, then it will not happen. This is what we humans usually say accompanied with shakes of our heads, "It's Life," or "Tough luck." And if you think that it is impossible for something to happen, and yet it does because He says so, we label it a miracle.I don't know whether these indescribable feelings i am currently experiencing comes from the shock that our friendship comes to this in the end, or whether i am frustrated that we have put in so much effort but yet nothing seemed to m...
More About: Friends , Such , Ming , Along

Bin runs, a humbling experience
2007-07-20 20:16:00
Because i am a trainee, and because the outlet i work at is very busy, one of the first tasks i was taught to do was cafe clean-up. Making espressos and ice-blended beverages needs time to teach; i will only learn them next week. Hence, i was needed to bus tables, sweep the floors, mop any spills, wash and sanitize used items and putting them back into their respective places, ensure the condiments are always available, replenish dwindling supplies and clean the bins.Bin runs. Oh boy.Wheeling a massive bin piled high with black rubbish bags (i needed to balance the bin with one hand and hold the over-spilling rubbish bags perched precariously on top of one another, with my other hand) and navigating my way nimbly through throngs of people is quite a feat. That ain't the problem. The thing is, the outlet where i am working at is based in a major departmental store, branded stores. Rich kids and their parents frequent the area. Rich Chinese Indonesians are often sighted. I can't emp...
More About: Life , Jobs , Experience , Runs , Peri

Let's unite for the trains
2007-07-18 01:01:00
I took the train to the hospital today because it was threatening to rain. I left my house 15 minutes earlier than i would have, if i had been riding my bike, because i have a lasting impression of how unpredictable and unreliable the public transport system is around here. I went to the train interchange near my house; i always forget how many people there would be at the station in the morning.I validated my ticket, checked which platform i should head onto (because the train does not go to the same platform all the time!) and strolled there. I had 3 minutes to wait. I glanced periodically, but not obsessively at the screen to find out how long more to go. Suddenly i saw the throngs of people waiting with me at the platform running up the slope. I stared. I heard someone swore beside me, something about the station. I looked up at the screen and to my utmost disbelief, discovered that the train had changed its route at the last possible instant. And everyone was now running to the...
More About: Life , Trains , TRAI , Unit

Environmentally friendly
2007-07-17 02:29:00
It is freezing. The wind is howling outside, and the rain is lashing the windows mercilessly. I am huddled over my laptop in the hospital, trying to read the medical literature and trying not to feel the cold seep insidiously into my bones.Ariel has set the heater to a maximum of 20 degrees. Joy was exclaiming in shock, but Ariel solemnly proclaimed that if we raised the temperature any higher, we would be killing the Earth due to the emission of greenhouse gases."But 20 degrees is considered air-conditioning back in Singapore," Joy spluttered."20 degrees is warm. You don't want to kill the earth," Ariel replied calmly."21 degrees? Can we raise it up to 21 degrees?" i asked helpfully. A one degree increase in temperature is as good as any.Ariel shook her head.We did not contest Ariel's decision because we were just too amused. But now we are freezing. I think Yasmin is going to urge Ariel to change her mind soon. Haha.
More About: Med school , Friendly , Iron , Ally , Envi

Coffee cult
2007-07-16 16:13:00
I had my first Starbucks training today. It was very interesting, very different from what i expected, and incredibly valuable. I am glad that Starbucks hold such trainings for new recruits. I had 2 coffee appreciation classes whereby i literally flooded my olfactory nerves with a deep generous inhalation of the aroma followed by a good slurp of the coffee. I learnt terms to describe a coffee - the aroma, the flavour, the acidity and the body of the coffee. Warren was trying to impress the shift supervisor who was leading the coffee appreciation class by bragging about the location of the olfactory nerve. I did not have the heart to correct him (nor did i want to ruin the cordial managerial relationship i still enjoy by embarrassing him in front of his co-staff).Before i joined Starbucks, and even up till this morning, i just dismissed Starbucks as one of those rapidly expanding commercial beverage providers who was only hell bent on making profits. I thought i would merely be given...
More About: Coffee , Jobs , Cult

Research, spanish and more
2007-07-14 00:43:00
Emo. Also representing emotional, emotions, and people to stay the hell away from.I was introduced to this word not too long ago, and already i wonder how did i not learn of this word earlier. There are so many emo people out there! And it seems, the older one gets, the more emo the person is. How strange. Suffice to say, the best way to deal with emo people is to give them as much space as possible till they are drowning in the vastness of it. Listening to emo people brood all the time can wear one down, and honestly i am not a very emo person. I do get down in the dumps at points of time but i don't dwell on such periods for long. Moving on saves yourself and the nervous people around you, a fair bit of trouble. Sometimes being ignored would knock some sense into the person.Just a note, i'm not referring to anyone in particular, but it is just an observation i have made, and a very tough lesson to learn. I don't regret it however.I have so many things to update that i have forg...
More About: Research , Spanish , Med school , Span , Nish

Not yet dead, just swamped
2007-07-13 03:25:00
Hi guys, i have been missing for a long time. I haven't had a real proper chance to update my blog since i commerced my research on Monday. It has been busy. Hospital V truly lives up to its name - we (me, and 2 other fellow researchers (both doing separate projects of their own), Yasmin and Ariel) have been thoroughly worked. Other med students have 2 hour days for this week and next, but we have been clocking full 8 hour days. Also i have already successfully completed a 1 hour tutorial conducted by Hospital V's clinical school's library on my third day here. It was a brilliant tutorial, as i learnt how to utilize Medline, EMBASE, Cochrane and AUSHealth databases. Previously, the University held 3 tutorials each spanning 2 hours just for Medline, and i learnt shat from them.Anyhow, i am at the hospital now, but it is pretty quiet. My supervisor ain't here on Fridays, only Ariel and i are present, and honestly we are bored out of our freaking minds. Not that we have nothing to ...
More About: Dead , Swamp

The Cadaver Calculator
2007-07-07 05:05:00
$4675.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth. From Mingle2 - Free Online DatingSome of the questions are quite discriminatory.Ok, i am bored and i refused to get started on my biostatistics. Shall stop spamming my blog and go in search of food.

Blog rating
2007-07-07 05:02:00
This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words: hell (5x)pain (4x)dead (3x)death (2x)pissed (1x)I would have expected more vulgarities to be screened, haha.From Keagirl.
More About: Blog

Hear me roar purr
2007-07-07 03:10:00
Ambivalence and i went to have a look at speakers yesterday.We saw this baby (Ferguson Hill 007) whose designed surpassed that of the Soundsticks. Quality is obviously better too since everything about this set is so open.Design is sleek and classy. Music produced was beautiful to the ears.Definitely the set to get if one is a swinging single professional. Definitely the set to up my standards and set the benchmark for when i decide to live by myself.But totally bad if you have skittish dogs running in the house or curious kids everywhere. My Soundsticks have already survived 3 falls, courtesy of my dogs. Fortunately, they are hardy.Oh and my iPod? It has got 2 scratches on it and acts up every 2 minutes. I am preparing 'burial' money - that is to get a new one soon, maybe next year hopefully.Ok, i should go drink some hot instant soup and Milo to calm my famished gut and warm up my freezing extremities. Then maybe some clearing of my desk, some studying? a shower, and to the park...
More About: Hear , Roar , Purr

Forkroads
2007-07-07 00:27:00
I went out with Ambivalence yesterday, and as all conversations went, we suddenly delved onto the topic of medicine, life, play and other stuff. I will not bore you with the contents of our conversation and also because i would prefer to keep it private, but it did set me off thinking quite a bit after we parted ways.Honestly, every day i understand myself more, but at the same time, i get more confused.Sometimes i wonder whether i am afraid, or lazy or whether deep down inside i want to be something else, or maybe i dream too much.Anyway, i had my first badminton coaching session yesterday. He is a good coach, has 10 years experience and has been competing and training with world-renowned players including Susilo and Lin Dan. I discovered everything down to my way of holding the racquet and volleying the shuttle back are wrong. It was back to basics. It emphasized to me how immensely important it is to learn something the right way from the very beginning. It makes learning a sport...
More About: Roads

The first sign of things to come
2007-07-06 23:56:00
I glanced at my watch, it was 2.55pm. I was still waiting for the train, nowhere near my destination. I quickly sent Ambivalence a text.I will be late! Sorry!10 minutes later, i was on a tram in the city heading to the University. Ambivalence did not reply my text, a sense of foreboding filled me. I whipped out my handphone and gave him a call. The call failed. Before i could react, my phone rang. It was Ambivalence."You there yet?" he asked."Erm, no. You?""I am still at home."I looked at my watch. 3.10pm."We are both late for the appointment?" I started laughing."Ok, bye!""You running there now?""Yes yes yes! Bye!"I strolled into the cafe 15 minutes late for our appointment with the prospective Spanish tutor. I saw a sheepish-looking Ambivalence sitting opposite a relatively young lady. She looked stern.I introduced myself and shook her hand. I noted she did not stand up but remain seated when she shook my hand. I filed that observation somewhere in my head. Observation, not judgem...
More About: Sign , Things , Thing

Intellectual swearings are worse than being fucked
2007-07-02 18:25:00
Last night i went to work as usual, except i'm not too sure whether it's my last time on the job as a carer. I have told the Doctor to leave me out of the July roster because i honestly have no idea what my schedule will be like. This afternoon, S, the assistant manager of Starbucks (i think it's high time i put a name to her personality. Calling her S is just not going to work anymore, it is too cold, too assuming. Scarlett she shall be) gave me a call. I was anticipating this call. Getting this call meant that i definitely got the barista job even though Warren did call me on Thursday to tell me already. But i am paranoid, and i know Life can still be a bitch, which means the offer can still crumble as long as i don't get secondary confirmation.Scarlett told me to look out for a parcel that has been sent to me. In it are a couple of forms, and i am not sure what else would Starbucks want to send me, though Tiara suggested that they could be mailing out their trademark t-shirts...
More About: Jobs , Intellectual , Wear , Bein , Being

Chugging on
2007-06-29 04:21:00
Life has been nice recently. My 2 interviews with Starbucks have gone well, the manager, let's call him Warren, gave me a call yesterday to ask me whether i was still interested in the job. Of course i was pumped up, and i got hired. He will be calling me on Monday to discuss my shifts after he has called both my references - Geek and the Deputy Rector. I was going to drop by my former college today to say hallo to the Deputy Rector and to introduce him to Kel and Dax, as well as to inform him of the impending call, but he is away on leave for a couple of weeks, so i ain't too sure how Warren is going to deal with that. I must say that Geek has a major part to play in this, for which i am very grateful. Without her connection as Supervisor in Starbucks, i doubt my resume would have be given a second glance. Also, i believe she added in subtle words for me to her manager and the barista that interviewed me, so i think it all adds up.Also, the Doctor has placed an ad for relief care...
More About: Jobs , Hugging

Just a nice day to stay indoors
2007-06-27 13:08:00
I went to work last night, had to put Kel and Dax outside because Tiara was at work too. It was not long after i arrived at the Doctor's house did the rain started pouring. I have never seen the heavens weep so much, at least not in this part of Aussie yet. I was very worried. When i left the dogs, Kelly was really indignant, and was crying her head off. I left in her wake of howls. I wondered whether she continued her ruckus, and if she did, for how long did she keep it up? The neighbours ain't going to be too thrilled about that. Also it was raining so hard that i would have preferred if the dogs were indoors; i wasn't too sure how well the kennels would be keeping on. Obviously, i was just over-fretting about the whole thing, but you should have hear how the rain pounded the house.The Doctor came into the living room where i was deep in my thoughts and commented about the heavy rain and how nice it was. I understood that feeling - the feeling of being warm, cosy and protected ...
More About: Nice , Stay , Door

My toes ache
2007-06-26 03:15:00
My toes ache. That's standing proof to me that i have walked way too much over the past few days. Kelly chewed through the double leader i bought for her and Dax. I was annoyed. I bought a head collar to replace the double leader because i hereby had enough of running the risk of jerking my arm out of my socket each time i walk her. It has been a pleasure to take her out on walks since. I never wanted to use the head collar because Kel is very intelligent, and training her to walk to heel is an easy thing. Unfortunately, Daxter is a very $%#&^@& dog, and he's excruciatingly dumb. He's doing all the wrong things which Kelly is picking up instantly.For example, that stupid dog yelps and barks his head off whenever he sees another dog, and Kelly learns, and this creates a very embarrassing commotion for me, and a very terrifying one for the other owner especially when theirs is a small dog. And Daxter is so thick-skulled that no matter how i yell, he would still chase the birds ...

Pseudo-problems
2007-06-23 06:18:00
How can there be solutions if there are no problems?If there are no problems, why the look behind our eyes, the tightness behind our smiles, the expressions we try to hide?Why the sleepless nights, the mysterious headaches, and the unconscious drooping of our lips?If there are no problems, how did i end up with a handful of useless solutions?If there are no problems, why is there the constant sporadic upheaval in my life?If there are no questions, then there are no answers to seek. If there are no answers to seek, then why are we always in a talk?Why the uneasiness when we meet the other, the instinct to bolt when the other enters the same room, the need to cross to the opposite side?Why, after so many bloodshed, time-consuming attempts, are we still at Square one?So if we have no problems, then why aren't our lives filled with peace, laughter and joy?Do pseudo-problems exist? Are there entities that exist in the form of problems, when in actual fact, they are nothing?Or is the pro...
More About: Friends , Problems

A very different facial
2007-06-22 02:34:00
I went for my first Ella Bache facial yesterday. It was very very different from Leonard Drake, and basically any other facial i have done in Singapore. First things first, when i entered the lounge, it had the same refreshing aromatherapy and the same soothing music in the background. That make things a little more familiar and a little less tense. I was then led into the room where they did the facial. It was larger, and the bed was more comfortable. I think they were using an electric blanket.The skin analysis was done pretty quick with UV light. She pointed out to me all the problem spots. Please pardon my very elementary image, i was never one good with art, let alone art when i had to battle a really stubborn mouse.She explained to me that the yellow region along the jaw line would indicate stress factors if i developed pimples in that area. The blue region around the chin would be due to hormonal factors and the green area due to my diet. Fortunately, i did not have pimples i...
More About: Facial , Rent , Diff

Breakouts
2007-06-20 13:01:00
I have been having breakouts. This time it really is sever enough to make me quite alarmed. Usually i would not care less about zits that pop up on my face, because appearance is secondary compared to personality. Unfortunately, the number of pimples is scaring the hell out of me. I hardly get any pimples during my pubertal years, or even later on when i was sparring on the mats with fellow judokas and getting all sweaty. But last semester they keep coming out. I understand because of my low emotional state last semester. But this semester?? I haven't fallen ill at all so that means my immune system is quite robust because my mental health has been pretty stable.I remember the beautician in Leonard Drake back in Singapore telling me that i have very sensitive skin and that my pores are clogged and i won't be able to remove them just by washing my face religiously with the best products. I need to go for facials where someone can help me unclog them. They advise regular facials, so...
More About: Brea

Living with someone makes you more aware of your own habits
2007-06-20 11:59:00
Tiara's final exam ended today. I went for my Starbucks interview. Donkey and Lippy accompanied me for the interview to lend me some moral support. It was incredibly sweet of them. I bought my second Moleskine book, having filled up all the pages in the one Eastie bought for my 21st birthday last year (she's going to be so proud to hear that since she dreaded the thought of me leaving it aside). Tiara and i then watched Bridge to Terabithia. All in all, it was a good day. Then i came home. And i saw Kelly on top of her kennel. And my mood plunged.Did i mention how high the kennel i bought for her is? Did i also mention that i placed the kennel in my balcony which is located on the top floor of our Townhouse, on the 3rd level? Did i mention that if Kelly decided to leap off the roof of the kennel onto the walls out of puppy curiosity, she will jump to her death? Did i also mention that every day when i come back home, i have this fearful image of seeing a black carcass on the grou...
More About: Living , Habits , Ving , Abit , Some

Brit Humour
2007-06-20 00:58:00
Courtesy of an email sent by Sapphire. Hilarious. These Brits are really creative. Even if i don't feel like sticking to the rules, i would in the end, because it is a good attempt at having a laugh at a serious issue.
More About: Humour , Humo

Sleep
2007-06-19 03:42:00
I haven't been sleeping well the past few weeks. Ironically, i craved sleep during my exams, but now that the holidays are here, i cannot sleep in, no matter how hard i try. Somehow my body clock just wakes me up. Also, i suspect my job as a carer has made me cultivate a very unhealthy pattern - to habitually wake up in the middle of the night to check on the old lady, because she has become so frail that she no longer hits the buzzer to alert us she needs assistance to use the commode. Hence, i wake up intermittently now at nights. Interrupted sleep sucks.I slept at 3.30 this morning because Bert and Cassie came around to hang out. Cassie is heading back to England in 2 days' time. Her one year stint as an exchange student has been completed. It is highly doubtful we meet again, unless we specifically arrange trips to head over to the other's homeland. We will keep in touch i reckon. Bert is going back to Sydney for her one month study break. Actually i hope she will be all righ...
More About: Sleep

One dead, gunman at large
2007-06-18 02:11:00
This morning, i cycled back from work. Sapphire was also up at that early hour, and she was indiscriminately flipping through the TV channels when she chanced upon the news. A gunman had shot 3 people in a cafe at close range, 8.15am. He has not yet been found.Whoa!8.15am. I was on the roads cycling home.They are still searching for him. Sapphire emphasized that i should stay put at home today. I don't think that's a good idea though. My place is located very near the city, and am surrounded by all the major train stations, all the major train interchanges. And the location of the shooting? I think there's a tram that cruises through there back to my place. Ho ho ho. He could easily come to my area.Also, the air traffic has been pretty heavy around my area this morning. I would not be too surprised if they were police choppers. In fact, one is hovering around now as i am typing this.Anyhow, i am not staying put at home but neither am i going to take a gamble on my chances. Shall ...
More About: Dead , Gunma , Large , Gunman

I lack the mettle for this
2007-06-17 02:01:00
I got back from work 2 hours ago. It was very hectic this morning, and i actually stayed longer than my shift period. I am re-considering this job.Liz is becoming incontinent (both urine and fecal). It's creating quite a host of challenges for her carers, particularly the night carers. I work the night shifts. Last week, i had to take a cab down to work because i mis-read my shifts. I thought i was working the overnight shift, but turned out that i had a double shift, both the evening and the overnight ones. I was an hour late. It was a mistake on my part, and i apologized for it. The day carer was very polite about the whole thing. She understood it was an honest oversight on my part and knew that i was usually very conscientious. She mentioned that i should check on Liz in the morning when she is awake, and to check if the bed is wet. I did not think much about it.When morning came, i asked Liz if she wanted to use the commode because she hasn't been on the commode since the eve...
More About: Jobs , Lack