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Dear All,
2007-09-23 00:14:00
I have been thinking the past few days and i have come to a decision. I think it is time for me to close down my blog. Over the past 2.5 years, my readership has swelled, from people i know and i don't. Whilst i welcome strangers reading my blog, i do not particularly appreciate people whom i only know impersonally, from snooping around my blog. I am not pin-pointing out a certain character because i believe she ain't the only one. I get very personal on my blog and the stuff i write about can involve intense feelings at that moment. It may not generally reflect my long term perspectives.I believe this blog has destroyed quite a few friendships, but definitely fostered and strengthened a whole lot more. I set up this blog with 2 intentions - to let my close buddies all over the globe keep in touch with my life as our academic and work commitments demand a hefty part of our schedule and to just indulge in some creative writing at the same time, hopefully tickling my readers with Li...

Flying solo...in formation
2007-08-27 15:22:00
It's a confusing title, but it sort of describes the situation i am in now. Currently, i am riding life a solo rider, but i am not alone. I have people around me who cares a lot, just like wild geese who migrate in packs. They fly in groups, yet each one is very much flying alone in the air. Each one has their own part to play, their own lives to mind.Today i was bombarded by many events. I think i have reached the end of my tether. Today, i put my foot down, and resolved to put an end to this shit.With Aiken, i very firmly informed him today that i am not obliged to host an inspection whenever he finds a potential tenant. Telling me 2 hours beforehand is just not going to cut it. I also reminded him that both The Miss and i are still legally the tenants of this Townhouse, so if he was going to make a decision, he had better inform both of us. And if he wants to play any more tricks, i am not going to entertain him anymore. My research is taking off, and every single insignificant ...
More About: Flying , Solo

A tad wiser i hope
2007-08-25 17:09:00
This morning i provoked The Miss. Because i have been fuming mad over her behaviour since the day before. And this sort of anger i had that turned me cold, i really have to retaliate, if not, honestly, i don't really know what will happen. Maybe the events are unrelated, maybe they are, but when i came back from an 8 hour shift at Starbucks just now, the house was empty, and a letter was left on the dining table. The Miss has upped and left tonight, 2 nights earlier than planned.I am not stranded or panicky. Contrary, i am quite enjoying the peace and the solitude, and that the whole house is mine at the moment. But it wasn't quite the ending i was expecting. Also, i wasn't particularly surprised at this sudden turn of events, because i know what she is capable of. She wants and likes to have the upper hand.Anyhow, since the dogs have been left out the whole day, they are not going to be too happy if i came home, chucked my bag, and took off for dinner with Diva and Ambivalence. ...
More About: Hope

Opening a can of worms
2007-08-24 18:24:00
I swear i am not in the right state of mind.2am in the morning, and i went to activate my Facebook account.Feeling bored, i half-heartedly search for her, whom i lost contact in a long time.Erm, and i found her. And it has to be her, because her photo is on her account. And i actually invited her as a friend.How many years has it been?? Can i even count the years that have passed with my fingers?Maxs, Maxs, Maxs.Oh Maxs, Why are you doing this to yourself? Why? Why are you digging up your history? You are going to get destroyed, and who do you have to blame but yourself.You already have one troublemaker at home. Do you really want to contact the person that caused you so much grief that many years ago? Yes, she apologized, but so did the troublemaker currently in your house. Did the apologies work? NO.Maxs, Maxs, Maxs. Your behaviour is so unpredictable, your are baffling even yourself. Why can't you look into the future and have faith in the future, instead of reflecting back into...
More About: Worms , Opening

The Artful Dodger
2007-08-24 05:01:00
True colours.Heart turns cold at performance.Superficiality.The End.Run.

One wrong move
2007-08-24 02:44:00
OH MY GOD.I think i just made one wrong move.Yesterday's tenancy inspection did not go well. 2 parties came in to have a look - one was not interested, the other was mildly interested but was not under pressure to find a suitable property. Both did not bode well with me.I hounded Aiken and asked him about the advertisements he placed, since he advertised for a higher rent than we are paying. He said that it was negotiable, so it was nothing to worry about. Of course it was nothing to worry about, because dude, i am the one paying for the rent whilst you are taking your own sweet time to find a tenant who can afford AUD$450/week for a property. Aiken is obviously taking this at his own pace because when i asked him when we should return the property keys, he replied that we will still be paying rent so we could keep the keys. ??!At least, some of my efforts are bearing fruit. Rain's friends came to look at the house last night. Tomorrow morning, a young professional who saw my adve...
More About: Move , Wrong

Fast and the Furious
2007-08-23 15:56:00
Lachrymose events - For the better or the worse.Monday's beckoning.Deadline with a turning point.Make it work, it's your last chance.Please.Don't keep making mistakes in your life.Aren't you tired of them already?I am.Treat people with kindness.How?Monday's the deadline.I move on if you still refuse to make the first move...and apologize.I'm sorry.Sometimes, kindness has to start with oneself.
More About: Fast , Furious

Solarium shock
2007-08-23 04:47:00
I was on the train yesterday on the way to tutor Shane, my Grade 4 student, when i saw the front page of the newspapers. There was a picture of an Asian girl on the front page, with the huge words, "I'M DYING."Intrigued, i skillfully peeked and side-glanced at any unfortunate commuter who happened to be near me, and who was engrossed in the paper themselves.I gleaned that the girl was dying of skin cancer, after using a solarium. I know of solariums, you pop into them, and you get a nice tan. I know what is skin cancer, i mean duh, i am a medical student. I know UV light causes cancer. But get this, i never knew that solariums can cause skin cancer, because i never knew that solariums irradiate people with UV light.Well, then how did you think these people get a tan?! you may ask.I am not too sure myself, maybe some other artificial light that a genius came up with? But certainly not UV light, because it is universally known that UV light causes cancer! Who the hell would think up ...
More About: Shock

What?!
2007-08-23 02:34:00
I have been hassling Aiken (the estate agent for my current Townhouse) about finding potential tenants soon, like REAL SOON, because we will have to pay another whole month's rent if no one is found to take over by 2nd September. Since i have already advertised on all the student databases that i have access to, i was looking into advertising on the public domains, such as RealEstate and Domain. However, i found that they were restricted to real estate companies and private advertisers have to fork out a lump sum of money, which i obviously do not have. So i started asking Aiken whether he had placed an ad. I knew he has not done so, because i was scrutinizing the websites for my address. Aiken finally confidently said that i would find someone by the end of this month and should not over-worry about it. Just now i had a browse through the websites. True to Aiken's words, he had placed the ads on the websites. I was feeling a bit more optimistic when i happened to glance a...

Drama drama
2007-08-22 02:09:00
I rang up the free service provider that connects my utilities for the new house this morning. I wanted to make sure that the utilities would be connected by Thursday 30th August, because i have hired a professional cleaning service to clean the vacant property before i move in. Boy am i glad that my paranoia kicked in. I discovered that when i stated i want the electricity, gas and water connected on Thursday, it could be anywhere between 8am - 6pm on that day. The cleaning service is due to come in at 10am in the morning. So there came a flurry of phonecalls as i contacted Darrell (the agent) to ask whether he could make the arrangements to keep the switches off in the house (so the utilities guys can come down and do their job) on Wednesday instead of Thursday. He would not be at the property but he could get the owner of the house to flip the switches off the night before on a Tuesday night. From experience, i know that such an arrangement which involves a long chain of middle...
More About: Drama , Dram

Photos of my current Townhouse
2007-08-21 17:04:00
Just in case i forget to post these photos up (and i know i owe you guys for a long time!), and just in case i post them up after moving, i am putting the photos of the current residence i am in, up now. I will be in this Townhouse till Friday 30th August before i officially move out. The order is from the bottom level of the house to the top level.A peek at my neighbours. That is the door to my double garage on the left.Outside the Townhouse's entrance.The entrance into the Townhouse.An angle of the view of our double garage, showcasing our proud bikes on the way.The double garage, now filled with The Miss's packed and partially packed stuff.The first flight of stairs leading from the entrance to the second level of the house. Kelly is simply staring at my eccentric behaviour.The second level with The Miss's potted plant whom i have affectionately dubbed 'George'.The second flight of stairs in the Townhouse, leading from the second to the third level. Daxter is peering at the ...
More About: Photos , Current , Ouse

Big picture jigsaw
2007-08-21 16:41:00
Have been busy but just to let you guys know that things are so far, falling nicely into place.The 3 biggest worries i have are being eased slowly at the moment.One, the furniture padding that i thought i would never find? I found them, bought them and am going to ask the removalists to help fix them onto my furniture before placing my furniture in place in the new house. In the process of finding the DIY store that sells these padding, i found an alcove of huge companies selling various wares such as furniture, electronics and stationery. Definitely a good place to look into if you want to furnish your home.Two, i found a service that could trim my dogs' nails at affordable prices. There is a mobile service that is located near my new house that will come to my doorstep to trim my dogs' nails for AUD$15 per dog. Alternatively, i could take my dogs to the local public animal hospital near the Townhouse, and get their nails trim for AUD$12 a dog. Or, i could go to the private vet n...
More About: Picture , Jigsaw , Big Picture

Malay and Bahasa Indonesia as a third language
2007-08-21 02:37:00
Because i have revived my NewsGator RSS subscription, i have started to read the news, after a one year hiatus. Yes, and that includes Singapore's news as well. I cannot believe that they are introducing Malay and Bahasa Indonesia as a third language for students now, and it gives the students added bonus points to enter a junior college too. Why didn't they do that during my time?? I would have enrolled in it promptly. Also i have never heard of the Special Malay Programme or the Special Chinese Programme, and they were in place since 1986?? Are these programmes restricted to the top schools only? Because certainly, i have never heard a whisper of these top-secret programmes when i was in TKGS, and TKGS was certainly in the top 10 rankings during my time. Now it has sadly deteriorated to a state that can only induce sighs from old-school girls. The new Regional Studies Programmes are going to be introduced as usual in the perceived better schools - the ridiculously perceived h...
More About: Language , Informative

I hope this is the start to a proper rhythm
2007-08-20 07:03:00
I have been busy, and i reckon that's a good thing. I was supposed to have aggression training with regards to mental health patients today, but the coordinator did not get back to us (my supervisor and i). Hence we missed the training, which was held earlier and at another location. My supervisor was rather upset, because that would delay my data collection. I wasn't, well simply because i have a lot of things going on at the moment, and this workshop will take the whole day. That would screw up my plans because i am going to meet Diva and Ambivalence later to head down to the DIY store to seek out furniture padding. I have resumed my literature review so that's a good start. The crux of the day must be the advertisement i submitted on the University's housing website to find potential tenants to take over my lease, as well as employing the help of old social networks - of the Catholic students society, of which i am a sleeping member, and the Christian student network throu...
More About: Start , Rhythm , Hope , Prop , The Star

Tremors and shakes
2007-08-20 03:46:00
I was feeling jittery yesterday, and probably on the verge of a panic attack, but the worst has passed. I was really anxious yesterday; rationalizing my unfounded fears did not help, and i guess there wasn't anything much i could do but sit the damn thing out as well as to find things to distract myself.   I understood where all these needless worries were coming from. Firstly, i honestly have enough of moving, though it seems no one, especially my mother, refuses to believe me. I have moved house every single year i am in Aussie, from living with a stranger in an apartment, to living in a room in College, to flatting with a seemingly good friend in a Townhouse, only to have every single accommodation not working out very well. I could safely say however that College was great because of the people i met and the soccer team i played with (we won the Collegial League remember?!), and that housing with The Miss was good because i had Kelly and Daxter around me.   Anywa...
More About: Trem

Cuts
2007-08-19 05:01:00
I honestly think i can starve in my own house.Tiara, who hence forth shall be known as The Miss, is packing and it is making me stress. I am starting to fret on how much packing i have to do, seeing that she has packed most of her stuff and it is only that much. Which means, the remaining stuff is my responsibility.I know i am stress because i am the kind that needs to solve the problem immediately, and currently the packing is worrying me. But i can't pack now, because i haven't gotten the boxes and there is still a lot of stuff that i need to use...actually, come to think of it, that's not true. It is all in my head.Aquanza just gave me confirmation that i do not need to defrost the fridge before i transfer it (she double-checked with her mum). So i was right, just clean the fridge out, switch it off, and turn it back on in the new house. The Miss was telling me i have to defrost it first, and my blood pressure shot sky high because from what friends have been telling me, defro...
More About: Cuts

Floor protection
2007-08-18 16:46:00
Renting a property makes me very mindful of the care and maintenance of a house. Hence, i am starting to find hardwood floors more than a little distasteful. They stain easily, scratch easily and expand and contract in different temperatures, thus cracking the layer of wax on them of them, allowing moisture to seep in between the cracks, and then encouraging the growth of mould. Honestly, it is such a lousy quality floor, why do people even bother with them?? Not to mention, we probably kill a lot of trees. I still think tiles are best.Anyway, i have been fretting about the care of the hardwood floor in the new property i rented. The owner is very particular about the floor since he specifically drew up a special clause about it in the lease i signed. It stated that i should pad all furniture and keep my dogs' nails trims in order to prevent scratches to the floor.I was searching what kind of applications would be best, when i came across this site - Soft Paws.An Excerpt from the w...
More About: Prot , Floor

Crash
2007-08-18 09:55:00
I had a good day working in Starbucks today. Put in an 8 hour shift but certainly did not feel a single minute of it. Was put on bar with the experienced baristas, handling the crowds that came in from the footy matches. It was peak hour and i handled it well. Then i was put on register and that was good. Had hearty laughs and funny conversations with my colleagues so everything went well. Last night was shit because i quarrelled with my mum. But i have also decided that i honestly need to sit down and get my life in order. I can understand why my mother is so worried. I am always moving from one place to another, and it is a strong indicator that i am not settling down properly even though this is almost my third year here in Aussie.I have decided i have to cut all the distractions around me and just mind my own life. Other people can go to hell. I have been stagnated for quite a period of time. I thought about it and sorted some of my issues so now i am all clear and set to go. I ...
More About: Crash

Affirmation
2007-08-17 02:10:00
Yesterday before i was due for my shift to start (i was half an hour early), i sat in the cafe sipping my free coffee and a panini. I was still besieged by all the emotional crap. I think finally i realized it has to stop because it was starting to affect my research, and if anything, med school is still my top priority. Anything that threatens that status has to be resolved promptly.I thought through my options, reflected on the past and mused about the present and the future. In the end, i made my decision. When i spoke to Pink Bottle about it later (i had to sit at the train station to make that long distance call, because believe it or not, i have more privacy outside than at home), she affirmed my decision. She echoed the views of everyone else that i should really avoid Tiara because she was having a very large negative impact on me. Pink Bottle is a very rational and logical person. We have known each other for years; so when she repeated what everyone has been trying to conv...
More About: Affirmation , Irma

Feeling upset
2007-08-16 06:55:00
I think i am PMSing and that has an additive effect with the unsettled feeling i have leftover from last night's encounter with Tiara. And i am brooding a lot again and it is written all over my damn face. I do not know what to do with Tiara and the process of leaving the Townhouse has started for me already. I have visualized myself leaving the Townhouse, and packing all my stuff up. And then memories back from College where Tiara and i would pore over our textbooks to cram for our exams and simultaneously check for properties on the internet, over a supper of unhealthy roast chicken from the supermarket flood my mind. I recall the countless trips we made to the Townhouse, troubling Aiken to open up the house for us as we took measurements and decide and discuss what sort of furniture we should get and where we should place them. I still remember very vividly the empty space waiting for us to fill with life...and now we are moving out, on a very different note. We did not even l...
More About: Friends , Feeling , Upset

Phonecalls and whispered conversations
2007-08-15 17:30:00
Phone calls in a home which you are sharing can never be completely private unless the other is not around. I like my conversations private, and when i do have chats with my friends back home, and especially when i am the one who makes the call (speaks for a lot about my sincerity doesn't it? Sigh, i am working on that, give me more time!), it is something of utmost importance that i cannot work my head around. And a matter that can give me a headache of such magnitude is normally very very personal and probably involves someone really really close to me, or something in my life that i am very much involved in.Eastie shrieks every time i call and blames me for straining her ears. Pink Bottle relies on contextual clues and apologizes furiously for not being able to hear properly. Lin tries her damnest to figure out what the hell i am talking about.This is what is happening at the moment.And what exactly is bothering me such that i need to talk to my friends with such urgency?Definit...
More About: Friends , Conversation , Whisper

Freedom - a combination of excitement and curiosity
2007-08-15 14:50:00
The verdict is out - I'm moving.I signed the lease today after a more thorough check of the house. On closer inspection, i realize the house is older than i thought, and for a fleeting moment, i did wonder exactly what drawbacks an old house might have, but that was immediately jostled aside when i looked at the big picture.The night before i had taken a look at the house. The street was admittedly very dark, and i was filled with jitters about walking alone past midnight. But as we progressed down the street, it got slightly brighter, and i saw neighbours looking at us because we are strangers in the vicinity. So the people in the neighbourhood are vigilant, that's good.I also discovered that the new place is located one house away from a private hospital. The house sandwiched between the new property and the hospital was incredibly eerie, and on first sight, i was like what the hell?! and actually almost banished the hope of signing the house (i was really disappointed when the ...
More About: Freedom , Combination , Excitement , Temen , Curiosity

Oh my God, the stress
2007-08-14 06:42:00
I have been talking a lot with the other research students based in the same department as me. I have shown them photos of both houses. Basically, both of them just looked at me and said, "Maxs, you really really want to move. You sound like you just need someone to tell you to move. Go ahead. I reckon it is a better idea to stay in the suburbs as a long term plan. Safety? Everywhere is not safe, you just need to be streetwise, is all!" I know. I really want to move. I cannot get rid of the image of the courtyard in my head. I cannot stop thinking how little in damages i will have to pay if i leave my dogs in a huge courtyard unattended the whole day (and sometimes the whole night), rather than in a 3 storey Townhouse. I don't mind the distance and the travelling time. It did not even occur to me that it could be a problem; so honestly i think that is quite insignificant. But i am looking at removalists now, and i am a bit uncertain, what with the amount of assembling and disass...
More About: Stress , Tres

Trying this on Gmail, and assuming subject means title
2007-08-14 04:24:00
I am typing this entry using Gmail . The hospital has previously blocked access to Blogger after i first accessed it; i reckon it was some privacy concerns. I have thought of a way to bypass that, by emailing my blog directly, but i ain't too sure how successful it will be. Anyway, it's good i am able to email my blog (that is, if this goes through), because then i get to give you guys a more accurate update of what the hell i am doing. I spend most of my time in the hospital, so restricting access to Blogger means that i will not be able to blog for days in a row since i am almost always too exhausted when i get home. After i updated my blog this morning, a couple of events happened. The new agent, Darrell, called me to let me know that the owner has accepted my proposal of an extra thousand dollar bond so that my dogs can roam free in the house when i am at home, instead of being confined to the massive courtyard alone. He also wants me to go down to sign the lease today. I...
More About: Title , Ming , Subject

Woke up with the sunshine streaming through the windows
2007-08-14 00:58:00
I woke up in an insanely good mood again. It is a cold morning (5 degrees Celcius), but unexpectedly i found sunshine streaming through my windows onto my bed where i was nestling very comfortably with Kelly and Daxter sprawled beside me.I love waking up with the sunshine on my face. Best thing to wake up to every morning.I have been sleeping in every morning, maybe that will explain why i am in such a good mood. I realize i am not required to go to Hospital V early in the morning, as long as i get my work done.Anyhow, there are a lot of changes in store for me. For example, getting Tiara to transfer the gas and electricity bills from her name to mine. I am also considering about subscribing to the daily newspapers (also currently under her name), but i am not too sure whether i have the time.This morning, i woke up actually wondering again whether i should move. However, a quick check with the news showed up 2 break-ins in houses, one man was shot in both legs, and another was a 92...
More About: Windows , Sunshine , Streaming , Ming

One full circle
2007-08-13 15:59:00
A little while after i wrote the entry about Uncertainty, i gave the new agent a call regarding the house i was eyeing. I told him i was willing to bump up the rent from AUD$360 to AUD$380 a week. He understood my dilemma. I was glad i called because the agent seized the opportunity to clarify some of the stuff i have written on my application. If i hadn't called, i doubt he would have asked. Also, unknown to me at the time, i think he called my current agent, Aiken to double-check my reference because of my phone call. Several phone calls to inquire about more properties later, and each one giving me a negative reply, i grew pretty dejected. At that point, i was already increasing my initial rent from AUD$350 to AUD$380, but still i wasn't hitting pay dirt. I sat down and thought about it. I couldn't just keep increasing the rent you know? There has to be a ceiling to what i can pay, and if i still cannot find a house, then how? I thought about it and i realized the rent i was w...
More About: Full , Circle

A dying breed
2007-08-13 02:48:00
It just feels me with a heavy heart that people no longer know how to be true friends.I realized now that i have grown very distrustful of people. My barriers are much higher, and i think i will let them stay that way.There are a few good people in this world, but i think i have already met my quota of them.Everyone else just want to manipulate the other for their own self-interest.
More About: Friends , Dying , Breed

Uncertainty
2007-08-13 02:19:00
This post is going to be some sort of a ramble; may or may not make sense, but that's all right, i think i need to vent it out a little.I have been searching for houses the past week, including this week. My initial plan is to sign a lease by end of this week, start packing by next, and move out by end of August. But it has been a very dreary process. True, now that i have extended my property search to the suburbs, where there are a lot more houses whose landlords are more negotiable in terms of being dog friendly and it is definitely better than being limited to the city where prices are exorbitant, space is cramped and the extra bond i have to fork out to entice the landlord is cut-throat; but there is a catch. The houses are much larger, there are good-sized backyards, then they ask, so are you staying alone? I have a feeling that a student staying alone in a massive house is not going to bode well with the landlord. Also, i saw my competition. The minute they introduced themse...
More About: Friends , Taint , Cert

Conflicting conduct
2007-08-08 17:29:00
Words never meant anything to me. I told you that many times, but you never heed my warnings. Only your comportment matters. You can speak with words thickly-laced with honey, but i am oblivious to them. Your behaviour, on the other hand, is like a loudspeaker, broadcasting your every thought and every intention.My conscience is clear, my integrity is intact. Given the chance to turn the clock back, i still wouldn't have done any different, because i still placed value in our friendship, faith in you, belief in things to come.But i only grieve that you did not share the same values as i do, the important principles of Life that i hold dear. You can behave in whatever manner you want to, burying more and more knives into my back, and i will not flinch. I will not stab you with a single object. I will be quiet and just move on, because we used to be such good friends. I had hopes that we could be lifelong friends, but optimism can only last this long, when it seems i am the only one ...
More About: Friends

Eye-balling
2007-08-06 23:32:00
I have been up since 6.30am. I know i should not whinge, but i am so tired. I don't know why i seem to be getting insufficient sleep every night. I have a good mind to skip going for my research tomorrow and just turn up at the Emergency department around 5pm, and then hang around till midnight. I learn more that way.Last night, a bunch of us were on the tram heading towards Dumbo's apartment. It was crowded, not intensely crowded, but you get the idea. There was this girl, woman?, i don't know, a female in her early twenties, dressed in Gothic attire, hogging two seats. She sat on one, and placed her bag on the other. She was frowning and glaring. I caught her staring angrily at Diva a couple of times. Like i say, it was crowded, so when people jostle one another to get off the tram, those seated might get bumped now and then. But this girl was in a supremely foul mood. She was just openly showing her anger at Diva. Diva, of course, being her usual self, did not seem to notice.I...