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Lucky girl
2008-04-06 06:59:00
I get to see little A next week. I'm really looking forward to getting in some good snuggle time. I'm really looking forward to seeing J and B again too. One wonderful and unexpected result of the surrogacy was how close I feel like we've all gotten. I didn't go into this expecting to make such good friends but I'm so happy it worked out this way.I feel like I probably wasn't totally fair in the way I described J. Yes, he was often a nervous wreck but he was also (and continues to be) generous, kind, caring and concerned. Now that a little time has passed I'm really able to see that his nervousness was really just because he wanted the best for his baby. Using a surrogate means surrendering an enormous amount of control. I probably wouldn't be able to do it and all things considered, J actually handled things pretty well.On Friday I got some nice pictures of A in the mail. A few of them were of him and I together the day after he was born. It meant so much to me to get those...
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Because people deserve to go to Disney World
2008-04-04 22:06:00
Cancer makes me sad. Disney World makes me happy. You can bet your sweet ass I'm contributing to this.
More About: People , Disney World

Survivor tidbits
2008-04-04 16:59:00
Dear Eliza,I have never, in all of my many seasons of watching Survivor , ever seen anything funnier than you having the following conversation with Jason:E: That can't be the immunity idol!J: Yes it is!E: No! It can't be!J: Uhhhh...... why?E: Because it's just A STICK!I laughed loud and I laughed long. It was the best moment of the entire season.Your new #1 fan,JenPS Isn't Ami almost a little bit creepy with the way she can look someone in the eyes and smile as attempts to destroy them?
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Miss Elle Belly
2008-04-03 17:19:00
Elle at rest. Elle in motion.
More About: Elle , Miss , Belly

My eye area hair befuddles me
2008-04-03 03:56:00
How is it that as I age my eye lashes get thinner and shorter but my eyebrows get thicker and more luxurious with each passing day? Seriously, I'm going to have to start using conditioner on them to keep them from getting tangled up when I shower. No tweezer can tame them! No wax can curtail them! It's getting out of control! Any ideas?And am I insane for posting this horrid picture of myself? I can't get over how pale and greasy I look. And the freckles! Oh god, the freckles.
More About: Hair , Area

The fixation situation
2008-04-02 15:14:00
We are currently in the middle of a video game lock-down at our house. It's been an interesting week.Joseph, like many Aspies, has an issue with fixation. He will become so interested in one thing that that's all he wants to talk about or think about. Where Joseph is somewhat atypical is that he has shifted his fixations several times in his life. The first one I ever noticed was with the movie cases for our Disney movies. That was when he was very young, not yet three and he would spend hours looking at them and lining them up in rows. A more recent one was Scooby Doo (that was hell) and his current fixation is video games. It's become a bit of an issue.You might be saying "Video games? So what? Don't all kids like video games?" Well, yes but a fixation is a lot more intense interest than what a neurotypical child might have. Joseph will play video games as much as we let him. When he's not playing them he's reading their instruction books or their strategy guides over and ov...
More About: Situation

Blogging for autism awareness
2008-04-01 17:24:00
This month I am going to be doing a few posts about what it's like to raise a child with Aspergers. I'm going to try to get Joseph to give me his take on what it's like to have Aspergers. I might even try to get other family members involved to get their perspective on it. I've often been suprised and frustrated by the large amount of misinformation there is out there surrounding autism so I want to do my part to try to let people know what austism (specificaly Aspergers) is really like (for us anyway). (Thanks to momolouge for getting this party started.)If you're new to my blog I would like to take a minute to introduce you to my own little Aspie.This is Joseph and he has Aspergers. And yes, he really does have it. It's not just that I'm too stupid to understand how special and brilliant he really is. That's not to say that he isn't special and brilliant because he is. He's also kind, funny, sweet, tempermental, moody, rigid, loving, thoughtful, stubborn, generous...
More About: Autism , Blogging , Awareness

Now with 97% more randomness
2008-03-31 17:07:00
A snowplow just drove by our house at about 90 miles an hour. Yes, a snowplow. Because it's snowing out today. Why do I live in this effing state anyway?When I took Joseph to see "Horton Hears a Who" I actually got weepy as all the Whos were chanting "We! Are! Here!". What the hell is wrong with me? Who does that? It's a good movie though so you should go see it. Let my know if you cried during that scene so that I won't feel so alone and pathetic in my weepyosity.Guess what I made for dinner the other night!Joseph said: I hate yolky!Elle said: I love pinnochi!The drug dealers across the street had one of their cars repossessed last week. I guess if you're going to have drug dealers living across the street from you I guess it's probably best to have ones that have not been able to achieve a lot of financial success. Because they're not very good drug dealers. I'm trying to look at this positively ok?I miss my Sucks Sucks gang. Where my bitches at?This morning I weighed mysel...
More About: Randomness

I love to share
2008-03-28 16:33:00
I'm over my embarrassment at the pants dropping incident of yesterday. It's not like it's the first time I waved bare ass in public.My interview is this afternoon. I don't know what magazine it's going to end up in because (as I understand it) it's being written by an independent reporter. I guess we'll just have to see if someone decides to publish it. Rest assured that if it does get published I will find out and tell everyone about it. Then I'll get a copy of the article and frame it and wear it around my neck like a beautiful, lovely piece of me-pimping jewelry.I got a heads up on some of the questions that they're going to ask me. That's a good thing since I have a tendency to babble like a brain damaged monkey (and you know how they go on) when I'm on the phone with someone I don't know very well. I've practiced my answers out loud because I also have the tendency (when I'm nervous) to start talking quickly and at a very high pitch. I want to sound like a normal ...
More About: Love , Share

Each bus ticket comes with a free mooning
2008-03-27 16:46:00
This morning I was ready to throw in the towel on this whole blogging thing. My little word cloud wasn't showing up and my Flickr badge isn't working right and I've basically been locked out of my Flickr account forever and ever. I was ready to quit. Can you tell I don't handle minor frustrations very well?Then I went out for coffee with a friend. I started to feel better about my very small blogging issues once I was sipping an insanely fattening coffee drink.In preparation for going out for fattening coffee drinks and muffins I wore a pair of maternity pants. It's a pair that was too small for me when I was hugely pregnant but that actually fits me pretty well right now. At least I thought they did.And then when I got home I bent over to get Elle out of her car seat.And my pants slipped down off my butt.And dragged my underwear along for the ride.Just as a city bus drove by.I guess I'll have time to fix all my blog problems now that I'm never leaving the house again.
More About: Free , Ticket , Mooning

I'm on the cover of a magazine!*
2008-03-25 21:37:00
Ok, so I won't be on the cover. But I will be in the magazine. Maybe.Someone from my agency called me today asking if they could give my name to a reporter looking to talk to surrogates for an article he was doing on illegal dog fighting. I mean surrogacy. I said "Awesome!" which I hope she took as a yes and in the next few days someone from the magazine will be getting in contact with me. Fun!And don't worry. Once I'm in a magazine I won't forget all the little people I knew before. I mean, I'm sure once I'm in a magazine I'll be a lot busier than I used to be and I probably won't have as much time for you as I did before I was in a magazine but I'll always think of you fondly. And just think! You'll be able to look at me and say "I knew her before she was in a magazine!"***Who says this? Hint: Look at the fricken picture.** This was totally said in jest but I know that now it's out there karma will come and bite me in the butt when the reporter calls me and says "Sorry,...
More About: Magazine , Cover

Womb for rent - as a matter of fact
2008-03-25 13:57:00
So, was I right? Yes and, much to my great suprise, no.Saying goodbye to A was not hard. It never felt like I was giving anything up. It just felt right for him to be with his daddies. When the time came to say goodbye to him I was actually happy. When I kissed his little forhead and whispered "Goobye little one." it was a kind of confirmation that I had done well and that everything was as it should be. The best part of my relationship with A was when I said goodbye to him. It's a little surreal but true. It's been over a month now since A was born and I've never once felt like I missed him. I've never been sad that he's not here with me. I've never felt like I'm missing out on something by not having A with me. I do sometimes miss being pregnant and being pregnant as a surrogate but that's enteirly sperate from my feelings about A.So I was right about not having a hard time with "giving up" A. What was I wrong about?I was not prepared to love him. That took me...
More About: For Rent , Fact , Matter , Rent

Who needs a movie? - Make me laugh Monday
2008-03-24 17:06:00
This is a real ad put out by these people to promote their video company. Enjoy won't you?What about animation? What about more laughs?
More About: Movie , Make , Monday , Laugh

The biggest winner
2008-03-21 19:16:00
Elle likes to use the bathroom scale. Thr first time I saw her do it I kind of freaked out. For a minute I worried that I had somehow managed to give her all my weight and body issues. I worried that I was making her neurotic about herslef and the way she looked by weighing myself in front of her. Then I realized that she just likes to see the numbers pop up.Every time she steps on the scale she says "Three tee tee nine" and looks very pleased. I have no idea what it means but it's what she always says. It's a routine. Every time I go into the bathroom she follows me in so that she can step on the scale and say "three tee tee nine."Yesterday was a little different though. She stepped on the scale and screamed "Hooray! Three two points! I da winner! Hooray! Three two points! I da winner Mama! Three two points!" and she ran out of the room clapping with glee.I wish I was that happy after I weighed myself.
More About: Winner

Um, forget what I said
2008-03-19 18:37:00
Forget what I said yesterday about not pumping anymore. On the advice of my commentors and an emailer and I doula/friend I am going to stop pumping gradually rather than go cold turkey. Of course that makes more sense, I just needed someone to point that out me.For anyone who doesn't understand why J as acting this way about the whole thing, I have to say that I agree. I don't totally get it myself. I know that he likes the ideaof breast milk but I think the lack of an ingredient list is what makes him nervous. I've never in my whole life met someone so paranoid about toxins and contaminants. Let's not forget that this is the guy who didn't want me taking any pregnancy-approved, baby-safe stool softeners while I was pregnant. (I guess he prefered I just didn't poop for nine months.)The thing is, I really like J. He's a nice guy. And now that A is here J and I have gotten a lot closer. Now that he doesn't have to be nervous about the whole pregnancy he and I have really becom...

Time to kick back and relax
2008-03-18 21:37:00
It is done. I am all finished with pumping. I didn't go as long as I hoped to originaly but it felt right to stop. It was starting to become a negative thing. J has expressed some nervousness about using the milk I already gave them and it was starting to affect me. Every time I would pump I would think "Are they even going to use this? Am I just wasting my time here?" I didn't want to start feeling bad or resentful about the whole thing so I decided to just go ahead and stop.J has expressed to me several times how gratful he is for the milk (and I believe him) but at the same time I think he's not totally comfortable using it. One day he gave some to A and he thought it made him really sleepy so he called to ask me if there way anything in the milk that would have done that. Of course there wasn't and I tried to reassure him of that but I could tell that he was still not convinced. Not that I think he thinks there really was something wrong with the milk. I just thin...
More About: Time , Back , Relax , Kick

If he could turn back time
2008-03-18 15:54:00
Ever so often Joseph brings home those worksheets he did in school where he they take a word and scramble up it's letters to make new words. The word to work with on the most recent sheet was "teacher". As I looked over Joseph's results I came across this:Turn s out my boy is a Cher fan. Who knew? I've know for some time that Joseph is an old soul and that this is not his first go round on this earth but sometimes he likes to lay the proof right out in front of me. Also included in last weeks homework was a picture he drew:Joseph told me that's a drawing of him living in the 50's. (Ok, so his timeline was a little off.) That's a tent on the right, a peace sign (or the best he could manage), a bird up above, a van on the left and in the middle is Joseph with long hair, sunglasses and a tie-dyed shirt. He told me he came up with this all on his own. I don't know what to make of this kid sometimes.
More About: Time , Back

My Flickr account swells with pride
2008-03-17 18:25:00
I was trying to get some pictures off of my new camera and onto the computer and in the process I discovered a ton of pictures that I totally forget we had. They're mostly of our "if anything can go wrong it will" trip to Disney World and of Elle when she was a little baby. What a fun suprise. And damn, I've got some cute kids.
More About: Flickr , Pride , Account

Happy St Patrick's Day - Make Me Laugh Monday
2008-03-17 14:35:00
Want more laughs? Of course you do!
More About: Happy , St Patrick , Make , Monday , Laugh

Google hits of the week
2008-03-17 01:08:00
mexicans doorbellwhy men love milk balls of girl
More About: Google , Week , Hits

I said what now?
2008-03-15 23:08:00
What I said to Jesse: Go to Best Buy and get that camera we talked about.What Jesse heard: Fall asleep on the floor for a while. When you wake up ask me if I want you to go and buy that camera since you weren't sure what we decided to do.What I said to the kids: Please be extra quiet for a minute. I have to make an important phone call.What they heard: For the next ten minutes try to be louder than a space shuttle lifting off. Elle, go and get your karaoke radio and squeal into the microphone. Joseph, start screaming because you just realized that you forgot to do your speech therapy exercises eight days ago.What I said to the person taking my order: I want that without tomatoes please.What they heard: Please put extra tomatoes on that. Make sure they're the juiciest tomatoes you have so that when you bring me my order and I pick all the tomatoes off (because I'm afraid that you'll spit in it if I send it back) there's still tons of tomato juice and seeds all over my food.What ...

What's eating Jen these days?
2008-03-15 03:26:00
Right now I'm doing something that I haven't done since high school. Yes, I'm dieting. Ugh.In the last couple years I have made changes to my eating habits because I wanted to try to eat healthier. Losing weight was never the goal. Now it is because I really want to lose this baby weight. And by "this baby weight" I mean "this weight I'm still carrying around from when I was pregnant with Elle."I promised myself that I would not get pregnant again until I was at my goal weight. 22 pounds down, 26 to go. I think I can do it but it's not going to be easy. I have massive food issues that I wrestle with on a daily basis. (Or even an hourly basis.) I can't eat like a reasonable person so I have to set strict rules for myself. Nearly every morning since A was born I have started my day off the same way. It goes like this:- Put 2 tablespoons of ground flax seed into a bowl.- Put 3 heaping spoonfuls of Thick and Rough Cut oats into the bowl.- Put a packet of microwavable oatmeal into ...
More About: Days , Eating

Decisions, decisions
2008-03-11 21:35:00
As I was getting stitched up from my episiotomy after giving birth to A I asked my doctor "So when can I do this again?" I was dead serious too. We're taking a family vacation in September so I won't be able to get pregnant before that but I am thinking that it's probably time to start the process again. Paperwork and getting everything in line can take a while and I want to have that all done so that when the time comes I can get started with the "fun" part right away.Now I have a choice to make. Do I stick with the agency I used last time? I was mostly happy with them but I'm not entirely thrilled with certain aspects of their non-negotiable contract. I also found out today that if I work with them again I'll have to go through their entire screening process again. I don't see that being a problem but it is a little bit of a hassle. That means a minimum of three more trips to LA (psych eval, matching and transfer) and that's if everything goes ok.Or do I try to find a new a...
More About: Decisions

No Country for Old Men
2008-03-11 18:18:00
No Country for Old Men is the movie you should be seeing instead of wasting your time and money on another boring (Vantage Point), predictable (Vantage Point!) and cliche (VANTAGE POINT!) action movie.Don't worry, because I actually liked this movie I won't be spoiling it at all for anyone who hasn't seen it. I will say this though: This movie really took me by surprise. I was often caught of guard by what happened and sometimes by what didn't happen. Jesse saw this with some friends of his and they complained that the pacing was too slow. I disagree. I felt like the slower pace added to the tension. The movie had some downright creepy scenes where, strange as it sounds, almost nothing happened.Don't go see No Country if you're looking for a big, happy Hollywood ending where everything gets neatly wrapped up and explained. You won't find it in this movie. What you will find is a good story, great acting (I was even impressed by Tommy Lee Jones who I don't usually like) and l...

Don't waste your time on Vantage Point
2008-03-11 15:27:00
The title pretty much sums it up. Don't bother with Vantage Point . There, I just saved you the $12 you could have spent seeing it. As a thank you you may purchase something for me off of my Amazon.com wishlist.Anyway, Vantage Point . It's one of those movies that when it was over I sat there for a second and thought "Wow, that was kind of stupid" but a few days later my hatred for the movie has grown and every time I think about it I want to shake my fists and scream "Damn you Vantage Point!" I thought it was going to be a cool who-done-it with lots of unexpected twists. It wasn't. I had the conclusion figured out about 10 minutes into the movie. All that was left to do was sit back and watch the indestructible hero of the movie run around and get into car accidents that would kill anyone else but somehow leave him with only a rugged looking scratch on his cheek. Also his handgun held 200 bullets.When Jesse and I went to see the movie there was a couple there that we know and the...
More About: Time , Waste

Another video for my brother to ignore
2008-03-10 16:09:00
I don't know if anyone ever watches the videos that I post but this one is really worth it. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at this. It's an improve group (Improv Everywhere) acting out what life would be like if we all acted like we lived in a musical. Only it's a lot funnier than it sounds.
More About: Video , Brother , My Brother

Survivor restores my faith in humanity
2008-03-07 14:56:00
I got sick to my stomach watching Survivor last night. No, it wasn't all the shots of the all the fat lips or even the long, extended scene of the giant hole Johnathon got in his knee. (Great job on designing a challenge where nearly everyone got hurt by the way.) It was watching Joel drag Chet through the course. You know what's a really shitty thing to do? Drag someone through the mud and cause them to knock their head against several logs so that you can win a steak. And then, when they tell you that they hit their head, grunt back to them in your stupid caveman voice "I don't care". (For anyone who didn't see this, it was actually a lot more brutal than I'm making it sound.) I seriously was nauseous watching it. But then this show did something that it rarely does. It made me feel good. Oh how happy it made me too see "ball of goo" Chet remain on the show while "I'm a big stupid asshole who was probably thisclose to killing someone for committing the crime of being old or ...
More About: Faith , Humanity

I expect to be arrested any day now
2008-03-06 17:21:00
Me to Joseph - "Your butt is so little! I can fit your entire butt in my hand!"Joseph to his speech therapist - "My mom can fit her entire hand in my butt!"
More About: Arrested , Expect

If it comes out of my boobs it's mine forever
2008-03-06 16:33:00
On Sunday Jesse and I went with the kids to go and visit with J and A. (B and Little B were home sick with the flu.) The main point of the visit was to drop off the 500 or so ounces of bresatmilk I had for little A. The other purpose of the visit was, of course, lots of cuddle time.It was so neat to see A looking like a real baby and not just a squishy, raisiny newborn. he slept the entire time we were together but that didn't stop me from snuggling him and kissing him and soaking in as much of his new-babyishness as possible.It's hard to describe how I feel about A. There's really nothing else I can compare it to. It feels so good to see him and to know that I helped to bring him here. It's a really awesome feeling and I really don't have the words to describe it. That's why I'm just now writing about this visit that happened on Sunday. I've been trying to find the right words to decribe the visit and I just can't.J was thrilled with the milk and he thanked me man...
More About: Mine , Forever

Yes!
2008-03-04 21:10:00
Back into my pre-pregnancy jeans!And they're zipped!And I can breath!Almost!