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A labor preview
2008-01-09 23:56:00
I spent a couple of hours on the labor and delivery floor at the hospital last night. Around 4:00 I started having some bad cramps and a back ache. I called the nurse line and my doctors office and they asked me if I could feel the baby moving. When I said I hadn't felt him move since the morning they pretty much told me "Hang up and get to the hospital right now."At the hospital they hooked me up to the monitors and right away the little guy started jumping around. His heartbeat sounded just fine so they just watched me for a little while to see if I was contracting.I had a few small contractions while I was there so they gave me a shot of some drug that stung like a son of a bitch but stopped the contractions. After I had some water and was able to give a urine sample they checked my cervix (closed and thick thank you very much) and sent me home.They told me the contractions were probably because I was dehydrated. I guess I haven't been drinking a whole lot while I've fel...
More About: Preview , Labor , Jesse

The rarest kind of photo
2008-01-08 19:37:00
I went to a get together of Minnesota surrogates last Saturday. While we were all together we took a picture of the six of us who are currently pregnant. I saw the pictures and to my great surprise I didn't totally hate the way that I looked in them. I'm looking rather voluptuous but hey, I never claimed to be a skinny girl. So here I am, 33 weeks pregnant and still feeling pretty good.(I'm trying really hard not to think too much about my uncle today. Every time I do I start to get weepy and then when I tear up my face starts to really hurt. It sucks to cry with a sinus infection. I'm trying to keep myself distracted.)
More About: Photo , Ares

Hole in the Head Infection Bingo with Joanna Pacula
2008-01-08 15:33:00
How old am I? Like, 30? That sounds about right. In my 30 years I have had a couple of ear infections, more bouts of pink eye than I care to count and an infection in my mouth after a wisdom tooth removal didn't heal right. (You know what tastes really not good? Pus. You know what's impossible to avoid tasting when you've got an infection in your mouth? Yeah.) But it wasn't until yesterday that I was finally able to declare "Bingo !" in life's little game of Hole in the Head Infection Bingo. That's right. I got my very first sinus infection yesterday.I knew something special was up when I woke up and was unable to breath through my left nostril. Imagine the wonder I felt when I found that what I blew out of my nose was the same bright, acid green color as that stuff in glow sticks. Imagine my utter joy as the day progressed and more and more of the left side of my face began to feel like a steel toed boot wearing John Candy was tap dancing on it. Oh, the pleasure of it all!Of c...
More About: Joanna

Sad ....... and something else
2008-01-08 00:03:00
I just got off the phone with my mom. One of my uncles, my dads brother passed away today. He is leaving behind a wife, two children and eight grandchildren. I was not very close with my uncle but I always liked him. He was a nice man who told lots of funny stories. It's so strange for me to think that he's gone. Now when my dad stands around b.s.ing with his brothers at family get togethers there will be one less person in the group. I'm having a hard time picturing it. I'm not making sense now. I don't like to think about the fact that one of my parents siblings has died. It hits too close to home. I don't want to think about the mortality of people I love. I don't want to face the fact my parents are not eternally 25 years old.I don't know. I'm sad, I can't think straight.
More About: Something Else

No, actually you don't know it all
2008-01-07 23:32:00
There's a blogger who I used to really enjoy reading who I recently had to take off my reader. She went from entertaining to annoying to irritating to massively pissing me off. If I were the kind of person to leave rude comments on people's blogs here's what I would have said to her:Ok, fine. You want to ignore every expert who tells you that your child might have some form of high functioning autism? Good for you. It's your kid, you do what you think is best. But here's what you don't get to do. You don't get to proclaim that Aspergers is not real. You don't get to decide that everyone who says that their child has Aspergers and is trying to get them help is wrong for doing so. You don't get to say that therapy and interventions are wrong just because you've decided not to take advantage of them. You don't get to say "Wah! Stop talking about Albert Einstein having Aspergers!". Neurotypical children have nearly everyone else in the whole world to look up to as a role mode...

What my boy said
2008-01-05 16:58:00
"I think I would like to meet my real mommy soon because I think she would like to see me. She might be suprised by how big I am now and I think she would like me. I want to see if I'm like her."Oh, my heart.

I hate Oobi
2008-01-02 19:04:00
Last night's proposed timeline:8:00 - Have both kids in bed and asleep.9:00 - Jesse leaves to take care of some stuff at the office. I go to bed.10:30 - Jesse comes home and finds us all sleeping comfortably.The real timeline:8:45 - Kids finally both in bed and sleeping9:00 - Jesse leaves to take care of some stuff at the office. I go to bed.9:05 - Joseph gets up.9:15 - Joseph is back asleep and Elle is up.9:30 - Elle is asleep and Joseph is up.(This continues on for some time.)12:00 - Both kids are laying in my bed watching Oobi on Noggin as I prepare to dope them up. Joseph is crying that he has a headache and Elle is getting snot all over my pillows. I have not gotten one second of sleep and if I move my head too much it feels like someone is hitting me in the face with a sledgehammer. A call to Jesse tells me that it will be "at least another half hour" before he's home. (Do all offices have stripper music playing in the background?) I consider the possibility that if someone ...
More About: Hate

How to compliment someone
2007-12-31 05:07:00
So let's say your about to see a pregnant woman that you haven't seen in a while. You want to give her a compliment that will really make her day but what do you say? Listen up because I'm going to tell you exactly what to say to make her feel warm and fuzzy all over! Within two minutes of greeting her, look her up and down and say "Wow! This pregnancy has really made you balloon out all over!"I promise you that the pregnant lady will remember your kind and thoughtful words for years to come. In fact, she probably won't be able to look at you again without remembering how your keen observation made her feel about herself.For maximum effect be sure to follow up this compliment by later saying that one of the pregnant lady's kids is smarter than the other and then follow that up by saying "You don't have anything to worry about with this one." while the lady's autistic child is less than 2 feet away.She'll be beaming for days.

The perfect solution
2007-12-29 12:24:00
It's super early here and I'm wide awake. That might have something to do with the fact that I went to bed at 8 last night. Now I'm wide awake and I don't know what to do with myself. My MIL is coming over today and I really need to get the house cleaned up.If I clean though I'll wake up everyone else and I want to let them sleep.So I'll just sit here and quietly play Zoo Tycoon.Yes, that will be best for everyone.
More About: Perfect , Solution

Do you ever feel....
2007-12-27 21:05:00
Do you ever feel like all you do all day long is wipe butts and noses? Yeah. It's been one of those days.Joseph has a cold accompanied by the runniest nose I've ever seen and Elle just won't stop pooping.All of the sudden feel just huge. It's harder to do everything than it was before because I'm so big. And I'm only 31 weeks along! If I'm having this hard of a time bending over to tie my shoes now how will I do it when I'm 39 or 40 weeks?Pregnancy hormones are making me sad and droopy. I cried this morning because I couldn't get the ring tone I wanted onto my new cell phone. The good news is that I knew it was a stupid reason to cry. That means I'm not going crazy (yet) I'm just pregnant.Pregnant and facing a 14 foot tall pile of presents to put away.
More About: Feel

Ho ho holy crap!
2007-12-24 21:09:00
Elle would not nap today. I put her down in her crib when she was very, very nearly asleep. Just like clockwork I heard her chatting and throwing her babies out of her crib 5 minutes later. I had promised Joseph that I would play a computer game with him while Elle was napping though so I figured she could just have some "quiet time" in her crib while Joseph and I played together.Half an hour later Elle is still chirping happily away. I decide to go up and get her and oh, what a wonderous sight was there for me to behold. Elle was minus her pants and her diaper. She waved to me cheerfuly and oh my god, what was that all over her hands? And what was that smell? And why was there a SMUSHED POOPY LAYING ON THE FLOOR?!?!?!Children, the gift that keeps on giving.
More About: Crap , Holy

It's the most wonderful time of the ...... ah, forget it
2007-12-24 15:05:00
Bah humbug.Has anyone seen some extra Christmas spirit laying around? I seem to have lost mine.I don't know exactly when it happened. Was it when the afternoon of mother/son cookie baking that I planned out got derailed because Joseph decided he would rather spend the whole day reading a video game strategy guide than interacting with people?Was it last night when I hobbled to bed with an aching back after Jesse and I finished all of our Christmas wrapping that we stupidly put off until the very last second?Was it this morning when I was woken up by Joseph screaming and sobbing into my face that "eve means morning and that means I get to open presents now and not later!" and "Why do we even open presents at night when we won't have time to play with them?"Was it later in the morning when I had to break up not one, not two, but three screaming fights between the kids over an empty cardboard tube?Or is it that I've spent the entire morning snatching half-opened presents out of El...
More About: Time , Wonderful

Too tired to type
2007-12-21 20:32:00
Oh man, I forgot how much the third trimester kicks your butt. I am beat! You know how sometimes at the end of a really long day you're sitting on the couch and you want to get up and go to bed but you just can't because it takes too much energy? Yeah, I feel like that all the time.Elle's been spending a lot of her time running around the living room and shreiking like a banshee doing animal impressions. She finds it very amusing and it is kind of cute but it does get old after 4 or 5 or 12 hours. I would quiet her down by turning on the TV but most of the time I'm too tired to get up and find the remote.I don't mean to complain though. Most of the time I feel really good. Most of the time.Yesterday I had a massive backache so I took one of the pain killers that I had leftover from when I had that migraine. It had a strange effect on me. It didn't make me loopy or tired. It made me ..... domestic. I actually made Christmas cookies with the kids. For a couple of hou...
More About: Type , Tired , Tire

Fear of a white ball
2007-12-19 23:21:00
Elle has developed a massive and crippling fear of my birthing ball. At first she liked it but then it rolled towards her once and that totally freaked her out. Then she started to panic if she saw it roll at all. Now she screams in terror if she even sees it just sitting still. If she finds herself anywhere near it she screams and runs away. Then she sobs "I scared of a ball!"Would it be cruel of me to leave the ball at the foot of the stairs to keep her from climbing up them when I don't want her to? (I'm really tired of chasing her off the stairs all day long.)Now the fear is extending to other balls in the house too. Yesterday she was trembling and crying when Joseph was playing with a little rubber SuperBall . What's up with that?What happened to Elle in a past life that has got her so scared of balls?
More About: White , Fear

One more step in the process
2007-12-18 17:56:00
I've scheduled my time to go to the hospital and meet with a "care manager" to discuss my birth plan. It shouldn't be too complicated, I know pretty well what I do and do not want. What I think might throw a wrench in the whole thing is that J is going to be there. I can picture it now. I'll be there laying out exactly what I want ("No pitocin, no episiotomy, no monitoring device that keeps me strapped to the bed, no automatic IV") and J will be in the corner quietly freaking out. Once I finish talking he'll pull out some notes he made after doing research on birth online (at sites like totallyuntruefacts.com and worrywartparents.org) and start stressing out about some off the wall statistic he found that said 7% of the 12% of women who don't get at least 67% of the recommended blah blah blah blah and shouldn't I reconsider?The good news is that I feel pretty comfortable putting my foot down and saying that while this may be his baby this is my birth and I am the one that has ...
More About: Step , Process

Balls will save the day
2007-12-15 05:14:00
I just polished off a Mint Condition from Caribou Coffee and now I'm happily bouncing on my brand new birthing ball.I'm feeling much better than I was this afternoon. I still don't think I want to do this for 10 more weeks but at least I'm feeling refreshed enough to tackle tomorrow.Behold the power of balls.
More About: Balls , Save

30 weeks is long enough
2007-12-14 21:45:00
Well, that's it. I'm done. I'm sick of being pregnant. I quit.Seriously.For the past week I've been really uncomfortable. My feet are swollen and my back is achy. I feel like I have a tight band strapped right under breasts that makes it hard to take a deep breath. I'm consitpated. I burp non-stop. I can't find a good position to sleep in at night. My eyelashes are all falling out.Oh my god. Can I really have 10 weeks of this left? What in the hell was I thinking when I signed up for this?
More About: Long , Weeks

Back when I didn't love Elle
2007-12-12 19:40:00
When I was pregnant with Elle I would hear women say things like "I fell in love as soon as I saw my son/daughter for the first time" or "The second they put her/him in my arms I felt an overwhelming sense of love". I looked forward to that moment. But see, the thing is, it never happened to me.When Elle was born she had to go right to the NICU because she was having a little trouble breathing. I only got to hold her for a very brief minute. In that time I didn't feel love. I felt ...... not a whole lot. I was tired, I was in pain, I was confused and I was hungry. Once she was whisked off to the NICU I really just wanted to get something to eat.The next day when Elle was back in my room with me I wanted to get up and shower. It hurt to move so I slowly, slowly rolled her little bassinet over to the bathroom. I had trouble getting her bassinet over the bathroom door jam and for some reason I couldn't handle that. I sat on the edge of the tub and I cried and cried. At tha...
More About: Love , Back

The unexpected joys of motherhood
2007-12-11 19:12:00
Elle: Mama, Mama, Mama, Mamamamamamamamamamama, MAMA!Me: (To the person I'm on the phone with) Hold on one second please. (To Elle) What is it honey?Elle: I tooted.Me: You tooted?Elle: Yeah, out my butt.
More About: Motherhood , Elle

How did he get a stick in there anyway?
2007-12-10 18:19:00
Sometimes this baby kicks me so hard that I feel like he's going to pop out of the top of my belly like that little creature in Alien. Ok, I know that's not a very original or interesting visual but that's what it feels like. I don't know if he's using his knee or his elbow or perhaps a sharp stick but it's really uncomfortable. It's not like I can do anything about it either. Sometimes I rub my belly or tap on it and say "Hey, knock it off in there you little booger!" but it does no good. He just kicks harder. I think that's a surrobaby's way of saying "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mom!"So I grin and bear it. Or rather, I hunch over, grimace, say "Ohhhhhhhhowwwwww!" and bear it.
More About: Stick , Tick

The best granola bar I have ever eaten
2007-12-06 19:53:00
I'm sitting in front of the computer stuffing my face right now. Because I can. Because my 3 hours glucose test came back totally, 100% normal. My numbers weren't even in the high end of the normal range, they were smack dab in the middle. I'm glad I asked about that because when I called J to tell him the results he asked me about that specificaly. "Normal" is not good enough for J. He feels better when everything is exactly average.Before I left the house to go to the test I threw a granola bar in my purse just in case I wanted something to eat when the test was done. I'm glad I did too. 12 hours of fasting turned out to be a lot harder on me than I thought it was going to be. When my testing was done and I had gotten the results I rushed out of the lab area, grabbed the first spot I could find to sit down and inhaled that granola bar. It had to have been the best tasting granola bar that has ever been or shall ever be. I had to force myself not to lick the wrapper....

Worried
2007-12-05 22:19:00
You guys, I have a confession.I am so scared about this 3 hour glucose test tomorrow.I have to have four tests done and I have to "pass" at least three of them to be considered gestational diabetes free.I'm worried that I'm going to "fail" and J will totally freak out and I'll have to take insulin and the baby will end up weighing 14 pounds and my agency will never work with me again.Sigh.
More About: Worried

Carbs are my enemy
2007-12-04 22:50:00
Aurgh! I failed the flipping 1 hour glucose test. I was thisclose to passing it but I'm like 2 points over the "normal" range. That means I have to go in for the stupid 3 hour test on Thursay morning. Son of a bitch.I asked the nurse if my diet from that day could have affected the results and she said it certainly could have. She asked what I had eaten that day and I was ashamed to tell her. Rice and cornbread. And that's it. She laughed and said yes, that could have done it.Damn my love for carbs! The good news is that I'm not having any gestational diabetes symptoms. I feel really good so I'm hopeful that this is just a fluke thing and that if I just cut back on the empty carbs a bit I'll be ok.Now I have to call J. This will be fun.
More About: Enemy , Carb

Scattered thoughts
2007-12-04 19:59:00
If you're a parent: Do you ever look at your kids, like when you're playing or reading or snuggling and think "I have the best kids! No one else can love their kids as much as I love mine because mine are the best!"? And then do you sometimes catch yourself thinking that and then realize it's probably a little bit obnoxious but then you know that you can't help it because it's true and your kids really are the best? Because that happens to me a lot.In other news, I am so scared to leave the house today. I have to go get Joseph from school in half an hour and I'm worried about driving. It's been snowing pretty good all day and the roads are just a mess. I hate driving in snow! Why do I love in the great frozen north? I think it's because I never have the strenght to leave. I spend all winter long huddled up in a ball trying to stay warm and then I spend all summer long feeling weak from blood loss at the hands of swarms of mosquitos. It's hard to plan an escape whe...
More About: Thoughts

28 week checkup
2007-12-04 06:07:00
I had my 28 week checkup today. All is well. I'm measuring at 30 weeks so either a) I'll go early or b) this baby will be massive. I fear b. Elle always measured a week behind and she was 8 pounds 8 ounces. Eek.Blood pressure, weight, baby's heartbeat and my glucose/protien urine test all were great. I had to do the one hour glucose test too and although I don't know the results yet I'm sure they'll be just fine.J was at the appointment and was his usual nervous self. He had 1 million questions about everything. He even stood and hovered over me as I was having my blood drawn. I guess to make sure that they didn't slip and puncutre my uterous as they were drawing blood from my arm.I'm really starting to feel really pregnant. The baby likes to spend a lot of time firmly lodged under the right side of my ribcage. I'm starting to get heartburn when I lay down at night. My hands and ankles are getting swollen. All the fun stuff. I still feel pretty good though mos...
More About: Week

Socky balls
2007-12-04 06:04:00
The other night Joseph had put some rubber bouncy balls into a sock and was bouncing it around the room. As he did it he narrated it like a sportscaster. His monologue included him saying "That's right folks, I've really got my balls in a sock tonight!" and then later "I can't even believe how socky my balls are!"He didn't understand why I kept giggling at him. Oh the innocence of youth.
More About: Balls

Like hot needles in my eye
2007-11-30 21:09:00
I'm on day 2 of a killer migraine that just won't quit. The good news is that I've got some pretty heavy duty pain meds that are (mostly) taking care of the pain. The bad news is that the meds make want to do things like sleep all day and fall over for no reason.I had a migraine exactly like this when I was pregnant with Elle so I'm sure it's no big deal and it will pass and everything will be fine but for right now, jeebus cripes, this aint fun.Yesterday I went to the ob to get checked out because I wanted to be sure that my haeadache was just a migraine and not pre-eclampisa or something because I'm totally paranoid about that this time around. I didn't get to see my regular ob because he's always booked (overbooked actually) so they had me see this total dingbat instead. She checks my blood pressure - fine. Listens to the baby's heartbeat - fine. Weighs me - ack! Then she says "Well, you look great and baby sounds great. Anything else I can do for you today?"Um. ...

Waaaaahhhh!
2007-11-28 01:07:00
The kids are insane. Joseph won't stop doing nonsense talk. Elle won't stop screaming. My back hurts so bad I can hardly walk. My hips hurt so bad I can hardly sit still. My ligaments hurt so bad I can hardly stand up straight. I've been reduced to serving frozen chicken patties and peas for dinner. Jesse won't be home for another two hours.If anyone needs me I'll be sitting in the closet and crying.

Can toddlers have sleeping pills?
2007-11-26 21:04:00
For all my talk about not sweating the small stuff and not getting into power struggles with your kids I have to say that right now Elle is doing the one thing that drives me totally batty. She's not napping.I've tried explaining to her that at her age she still needs to nap. I've tried letting her cry it out (well, it's more like whining it out). I've tried changing her nap to a later time of day. I've even tried snuggling her until she falls asleep. Nothing is working.What the hell? Why won't she just fricken sleep already? Joseph stopped napping long before he turned two but that was different somehow. He seemed ready. Elle doesn't. If she doesn't nap it throws her for a loop and she's really cranky in the evening.I've heard of kids napping into their pre-school years. Why do my kids have to be the non-napping freaks?Experienced parents, I need your advice. How old were your kids whent hey stopped napping? What did you do when they wanted to stop? Anyone ever have succ...
More About: Sleeping , Pills , Toddlers

To whom it may concern
2007-11-26 18:18:00
Dear baby,We've got a long time left to spend together. Please, for the love of all that is holy, please dislodge your head from underneath my ribcage. You're not even that big yet but I already feel like I can't take a deep breath. Oh, and while your at it could you please stop tap-dancing on my bladder?Thanks in advance,your prenatal nanny