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Christmas mania
2007-11-26 16:54:00
Help me! I am out of control! I cannot stop buying Christmas presents for Joseph!I keep going out intending to buy for the other people on my list but then I just end up with a crat full of stuff for Joseph. I can't help it though. He's just really, really easy to buy for and just about everyone else I have to buy for is really, really hard.I get great satisfaction out of finding the "perfect" gift. The problem is that I keep finding the "perfect" gift for one person over and over while everyone else on my list remains unbought for.I think I might be acting out on some guilt I feel over Joseph's first Christmas with us. He was still our foster child at the time and we were being told on a weekly basis "He's going to go back home any day now. Expect it to happen at any time." I went to a used children's clothing store and bought him a big bag of clothes. I thought it would be of good use when he was back living with people who didn't know how to provide for his basic n...
More About: Mania

Thanks for the memorWiis
2007-11-23 19:33:00
The other night my brother came over for dinner and to play a little Wii. Like the good sport that he is he agreed to watch some MST3K shorts with Joseph . He didn't complain once when he couldn't hear a single word from the movie because Joseph was lauging and talking so loud. Then he agreed to play the Wii game that Joseph wanted to. Then, as he was getting ready to go home I showed him the Thanksgiving card that Joseph had made in school. The card read:dearfamilyI amThakFulformyfamilyHappy thamksgivingLove JossephJoseph writes like a toddler and didn't know if Ben would be able to read it but much to Joseph delight he read it without missing a beat.I had a lot to be thankful for this year but one thing that I am most thankful for is my brother. I'm thankful that Joseph has an awesome uncle who will play Wii with him, watch MST3K with him, share corny jokes with him and sing the SpiderPig theme song with him. I'm thankful that Elle has an uncle that she calls "Uncle Fri...
More About: Hank

The medication game
2007-11-23 19:23:00
Urgh. Medication is so frustrating. We were trying something new out with Joseph to help him with his anxiety and it has become very clear that it's not working for him. It was causing some strange behaviors that he couldn't really seem to control. He spent a good part of our Thanksgiving family get together crawling around on the floor looking for little bits of dirt and debris. Why? Who knows, he couldn't explain it. And when we asked him (over and over) not to do it he would say "Ok!" and then be back on the floor within two minutes.It hurts to see your child acting "odd". It especialy hurts if he's acting that way as a result of a choice you made. We put Joseph on the medication to try and help him but it obviously didn't work and in fact made things worse. When we have setbacks like this it makes me want to give up on ever finding the right meds cocktail for him.I swear that I'm not trying to make him "normal" with meds. I just want to make things better for hi...
More About: Game

One of those days - part II
2007-11-21 23:06:00
If keeping your kids quiet and happy by coloring on them with markers is wrong then I don't want to be right.
More About: Days , Part

One of those days
2007-11-21 22:33:00
Do you ever have one of those days where you would be willing to pay someone to come over and watch your kids so that you could take a nap?Today is one of those days.I will pay anyone who is willing to watch my kids $200 so that I can lay down for an hour.No, seriously. I mean it.
More About: Days

Womb for rent - the family matter
2007-11-20 15:18:00
Picking up where I left off here and here I'm going to answer another one of my most asked questions about surrogacy. One thing that I get asked a lot is "How does your husband/kids/family feel about this?"Jesse is very supportive.Of course when I first brought it up he was kind of like "What the hell?" but once we researched it a little bit he was all for it. He mostly just wanted some assurance that I would be ok with all the meds I would have to take. I think he's proud of me and he's happy to support me in something that he knows is important to me.The kids are an interesting factor in all this. Joseph knows what's going on and he likes to tell people his version of events. "My mommy is having a baby but then she's giving it away so that we can go on a cruise." I always try to remind him that I'm not really giving the baby away, that it's not mine to begin with. I explain that I'm just helping B & J by giving their baby a place to grow and after he's born he'll g...
More About: Family , For Rent , Matter , The Family , Rent

Double digits
2007-11-19 22:05:00
I just realized today that (assuming I give birth on or before my due date) I have less than 100 days of pregnancy left. Where did the time go? It really just hit me today that pretty soon I'm going to be giving birth to someone else's child. It's exciting and crazy and strange and wonderful and really just can't wait. I look forward to being able to hand J & B their new baby. I think it's going to be awesome.
More About: Double

A new direction
2007-11-19 17:51:00
I'm going to be starting a new blog to talk about some stuff that I don't feel comfortable talking about here. I'll still use this one just like I have been and this new blog will be more of a side project. If you would like to follow me there just drop me a line at mickeyjj@charter.net or leave me a comment. I'll let you know once I've got the new blog up and running.
More About: Dire , Direction , Rect

A Rose by any other name
2007-11-16 17:12:00
I have a confession. Well, two really. The first is that I should be doing some transcribing right now and I'm not. After so many years of being a SAHM the idea of doing work for someone on their schedule frightens and confuses me. (Don't worry Ben, I'll get it done.)The second confession I have is this: I don't like my name. I think a lot of it stems from the fact that from first grade on I was always one of three or four Jennifers in each of my classes. No one ever called me just "Jennifer" or "Jenny". All through school I was called "Jenny S.". Well, at least till high school when I got a lot of "Hey you" and "dyke" but that's a whole nother can of horrible, scaring worms.Legend has it that my name was going to be Katelyn until shortly before I was born when my uncle said to my parents "Katelyn? Don't name her something like that. Go with something nice and simple like Jennifer." I guess my parents responded by saying "Oh, ok." and naming me Jennifer.The only time people ca...
More About: Rose

I doula, you doula, we doula
2007-11-15 17:29:00
I haven't posted about this very much but I have been trying for a while now to find a doula to attend the baby's birth. I've had zero luck for a long time. There aren't a whole lot of doulas in my area and the ones I've been able to track down have all turned me down. Several have refused because I am working with a gay couple. A few have refused because I'm not willing to commit 100% to a medication free birth. I was pretty sure that I had exhausted every avenue availible to me but then something really great happened.On the day I was supposed to have my 24 week ob check up I got a call from my doctors office telling me that my doctor was way overbooked for the day and asking if I would mind seeing a certified nurse midwife instead. I agreed and I'm so glad that I did.The nurse midwife was awesome. You know how sometimes you meet someone and you just click right away? It was like that with her. We talked about everything pregnancy and birth related and in the course...

Pack it up, move it out
2007-11-15 17:26:00
We are having a realator come and look at our house tonight to give us an estimate of it's market value. It's just the first step in a long journey towards moving to a new house and this is about the worst time of year to take this on but we've got to do something. There's a lot I can put up with but drug dealers moving in across the street is just too much. There is some crap up with which I will not put.
More About: Move , Pack

Well, it's beatings all around then*
2007-11-13 17:46:00
As an Aspie Joseph has a hard time understanding emotions. He's just starting to get a handle on his own but other people's leave him completely befuddled. He often tries to guess how people will feel about certain things and he's very often wrong. He'll say something like "You would think it was funny if Elle fell down the steps." Now, he doesn't say that because he thinks it would be funny. He's seen her get hurt before and he's always been very upset by it. For some reason though he thinks I would think it would be funny. He doesn't make the connection that tells him that if he finds something upsetting, someone else might find it upsetting too.Anger is really hard for him to figure out. He's constantly misunderstanding what makes us angry and how angry it makes us. He always waaaay overestimates how upset we're likely to be about something. One day after school he was just in tears because he was certain I was going to be so upset at him because he took too long in the...
More About: Aspergers , Well , Beating , Then

He's proud to be an American
2007-11-10 04:55:00
Joseph's school had a Veteran's Day program today. I knew right away it made a big impact on him because for once he was willing to talk about something that happened at school without me having to harrass him for details. He told me that there were people that showed them how to fold flags and then they sang some songs. Then he told me that he cried when they sang "Proud to be an American ". He explained it like this "It wasn't sad crying, it was like happy, proud crying because I was thinking about veterans. I was the only one crying but I wasn't even emberassed."Of course after that I was in tears. Sometimes Joseph's such a little goofball that I forget what a sweet and sensitive little boy he really is. I don't know a lot of seven year olds that are moved to tears by patriotic songs and feelings. He's one of a kind I think. I'm so lucky to have him.
More About: Joseph

Anyone care for an itchy potty?
2007-11-10 04:47:00
Elle and I are playing together today when all of the sudden she asks me "Achee potty?"Um. Huh? "Itchy potty?" I ask her."Yeah! Achee potty!" she replies."Itchy potty?" I am confused. "Does your.... do you have a diaper rash honey? Did you go potty and it hurts?"Now Elle is confused. "Achee potty? Pease? Achee potty, Mama?"What in the hell is she saying to me? "Sweetie, I don't understand. Do you need a diaper change?""No diaper! Achee potty!" Now she's getting angry."Elle, can you show me what you want?" That works sometimes.She runs over to her play kitchen, grabs a teapot and with a big grin on her face exclaims "Achee potty!"And then it clicks. "Yes sweetie, we can have a tea party."
More About: Care , Elle

Please stop saying fish
2007-11-07 20:30:00
I loooove watching the Food Network when I am pregnant. It's like porn for me. I just can't get enough of it.It occured to me today as I was watching it though that there is one food that no on on the Food Network should make or eat or talk about ever again.I'm talking about fish tacos.I don't care how good you say they are. I don't care how easy they are to make. I don't even care if they contain magical powers that enable me to fly and become invisible and turn things into chocolate just by touching them.None of that matters because I can't even hear the phrase "fish taco" without feeling a little ill. Show me someone cooking one and I'll alternate between giggling and feeling sick to my stomach. I cannot bring myself to watch someone eating one.Is it just me? Or is "fish taco" just about disgusting sounding?
More About: Fish , Stop

Return of the Giant Purple Mumu
2007-11-07 14:47:00
I've broken out the Giant Purple Mumu. Yes, it's come to that.I acquired the Giant Purple Mumu when I was about 7 months pregnant with Elle. It was on super-mega-clearance at Target and cost less than $5. It's not really surprising that I got it so cheap. The thing is a size 4X and ugly as sin. By the time I was 9 months pregnant I had taken to wearing the thing every second that I was at home. Even when I was at my biggest, pregnantest size the Giant Purple Mumu was huge on me. It made me feel comfy no matter how bad I felt.Now the Giant Purple Mumu has seen better days. It has a small hole in the front. There are new loose threads appearing at the hem and armholes.I recently had a giant clothing purge. I sent three big bags to the Goodwill and one bag to the trash. For a long time I considered pitching the Giant Purple Mumu. Then I have a day like today and I'm glad I kept it.Last night I crawled into bed at about 9:30 because I was feeling like absolute crap. This morning I w...
More About: Return , Return of the , The G

Broken
2007-11-04 21:21:00
I'm feeling very sad today. Someone I love was hurt very badly last night. I'm scared for her. I'm worried about her ability to heal from this. I'm sad for her family who will have to find a way to deal with the aftermath of these events. Out of respect for my loved ones I won't go in to any more detail than that. But I will ask one thing of you kind people out there. If you're the praying sort please take a moment to pray for every child out there who is lost, that they may somehow find their way safely back home.
More About: Broken

Don't touch my babies
2007-11-01 19:37:00
I know that I'm biased but I think Joseph is a really awesome kid. He's funny and sweet and smart and interesting. It's not just me who says that though! Most people who know him feel the same way. All of his therapists have really liked him. His teachers have all loved him. My family (for the most part) is crazy about him. So it's always a little bit of a suprise for me when I come across someone who doesn't like him. I'll never understand it but apparently some people are immune to Joseph's many charms.When Joseph was three he and I took a parent/child class at the same school where Elle and I now go. The teacher in the class really, really didn't like Joseph. The fact is that he and never cared for her much either but I always wondered what in the heck a baby could have done to make this woman dislike him so much.During the time we were in this class we were also starting some initial assesments of Joseph through the school district. This teacher was asked to fill out som...
More About: Babies , Touch , T class , Babi

I wonder if Adoption Guy likes airplane peanuts?
2007-10-31 18:26:00
Ok, I'm having a hard time with the parent/child classes. I go because Elle really likes it but I fricken hate it. I can acknoledge that this is totally my own issue and my own fault. If everyone in the class is getting along great except for me then I can accept that I'm the one with the problem. But I don't know how to fix it and I don't know how to make it easier so I just have to suck it up and tough it out.See, the thing is that I actually like a couple of the moms in the class. Some of them seem really nice. The problem in the class is not with them, it's with Adoption Guy and that fact that everyone else in the class seems to think that Adoption Guy is just as awesome as he claims to be. I don't understand this. How does everyone else hear this guy say the same things I hear him saying and not think he's a total jackass? Even the mother who a few weeks ago seemed to dislike this guy now seems to think he's the neatest thing since sliced bread.Last week I was ...
More About: Airplane , I Wonder , Peanuts

Halloween overload
2007-10-29 17:25:00
Let me just say that Joseph can throw one hell of a Halloween party. Yes, the party was a big success. To wrangle eight kids we had six adults (me, Jesse, my parents and two moms who stayed during the party) and I don't think we could have managed with even one less adult. My parents did a lot of the "behind the scenes" stuff like getting games ready and cleaning up after each activity. Jesse and I ran the games and activities and the two moms jumped in whenever needed. It all went really, really well.The kids really seemed to like the cookie decorating and the pumpkin decorating. I'm sure their parents loved having them come home with their Halloween costumes covered in glitter glue and frosting too. We got very lukcy with the weather because it ended up being such a nice day that we were able to do a lot of the games outside.The most important thing was that Joseph seemed to really enjoy himself. I think he really got a big kick out of playing host for his very first par...
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Womb for rent - the matter of money .... again
2007-10-26 19:42:00
After my previous post about surrogacy and money I got a couple of questions. I'll answer them here.First off: "how do people pay for it? Where do they get the money? Are they rich or did they save up? Can you get a loan for this sort of thing?"I don't know a whole ton about this but I do know that surrogacy can be amazingly expensive for the IPs (intended parents). On top of paying the surrogate you have to pay agency fees. There might be the additional cost of insurace if the surrogate has none or has insurance that does not cover a surrogate pregnancy. Then there's the fees for an egg and/or sperm donor (if needed). There's the cost for the reproductive specialist who creates the embryos and implants them. There are countless medical tests and procedures that have to paid for out of pocket.Of course, not everyone has all those fees. If you know someone willing to be a surrogate then you don't have to go through an expensive agency to find one. Some people have friends...
More About: For Rent , Money , Matter , Rent

Elle is awesome, just ask her!
2007-10-26 17:26:00
Elle has been doing the greatest thing lately. She'll "read" a book or do a puzzle and when she's done she'll look up and say "I did it! I so smart!". Or she'll put on a hat or a necklace and say "I so pretty!". She'll cuddle up and give me a hug and say "Awww, I so sweet!".God, I wish I could bottle that. I wish I could find a way to hang on to some of that self confidence so that somewhere down the road when she needs it I'll have it right there to give to her. She's such an amazing person and I just always want her to know that.I also want her to know (and I'll share it with her sometime when she's older) is that when she was two she would fart and then say "Oh ho ho! I tooted! I so cute!".
More About: Awesome , Elle , Some

The whole famn damily
2007-10-25 23:59:00
We're not stretching Elle out nearly as much as it looks like we are.
More About: Joseph

Womb for rent - the matter of money
2007-10-25 21:52:00
The number one question I get asked when people find out that I'm a surrogate is "How much are you getting paid for that?" Sometimes I explain that I'm not getting paid, I'm getting compensated. I know it's probably splitting hairs but "compensated" sounds better to me. Sometimes I say that I can't go into those details because of my contract. Sometimes I give an average of what a surrogate might make. A couple of times I've been honest. It depends on who's asking me and why I think they're asking me. If I just think someone is being nosy and rude then I don't give any details. If I think they're asking because they're genuinely interested in the process then I give them a little more info.I understand why people ask. It's interesting. There's a lot of misinformation out there about surrogacy though. Just a couple of days ago Lisa Ling did a report on the Oprah show saying that US surrogates can make between 60,000 and 80,000 dollars. No. That's not true. I have never ...
More About: For Rent , Money , Matter , Rent

Mama doesn't give a crap if you're mad
2007-10-24 19:15:00
I don't feel like I'm really able to relate to the other parents in my and Elle's parent/child class. I'm the only person in the class who has a child older than the one enrolled in the class. I don't know if this helps to explain why all the other parents seem so uptight. They all talk about power struggles and temper tantrums and how sometimes their kids just drive them crazy. I feel like I never have anything to contribute to these conversations. When it's my turn to talk I almost always end up saying things like "I really don't have a problem with any of that stuff."I know it makes me seem like I think I'm a superior parent but that's really not the way it is. It's just that when it comes to tantrums and power struggles I just try not to sweat the small stuff. Today in class we were talking about power struggles again and when it was my turn to talk I said "I try to avoid even getting into power struggles all together. If Elle's mad at me because I put white s...
More About: Crap , Mama , Give

The event of the season
2007-10-23 15:26:00
Joseph will be hosting his very first party on Saturday. He's never had a birthday party with friends before partly because his birthday is during the summer and it's harder to get ahold of the kids he would like to invite and partly because the whole idea of a party makes him kind of anxious. So now we're taking away the pressure of it being a birthday party and we're throwing a Halloween party instead. Joseph is very excited.He invited nine kids and eight (including three girls!) are coming. Thank goodness we're doing this at my parents house. I think that many kids at one time in our place would probably give me a nervous breakdown. We're going to be decorating pumpkins, playing games, decorating giant sugar cookies and giving out prizes for costumes. I think it will be a lot of fun. I know Joseph's looking forward to it.The only dilemma I have is what in the heck kind of costume I can wear to this thing. Somehow I don't think the kids will appreciate what I had originall...
More About: Event , Season , Joseph

If you can't blog anything nice.....
2007-10-22 03:58:00
.....don't blog anything at all. Good advice but it leaves me with not much of anything at all to say. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or what but man, am I ever moody these days. Every time I sit down to blog all that comes out is "Augh! I hate everyone! Everything is stupid! My back hurts! I hate Avon ladies!" and on and on and on.I suppose that entry after entry of that might be somewhat therapeutic but it might make everyone who reads this blog (including those people who know me in real life) dislike me intensely. Since I'm already feeling fat and cranky I don't think I need to add "unlovable" to the list.Sigh.But I really do hate Avon laides.
More About: Blog , Nice

Don't you wish your girlfriend was a bitch like me?
2007-10-19 21:47:00
I was being a total wench to Jesse this afternoon for no reason at all. He came home to watch the kids while I went to the chiropractor and I did nothing but snarl and snap at him. Then I broke his razor. That part was an accident but I didn't really feel bad about it or apologize or anything.When he left to go back to work I started to feel bad about the way I acted so I tried to call him. He didn't answer his cell phone when I called and that's my number one pet peeve. I hate when I cannot get ahold of him. Every time I dialed and he didn't answer I got more and more annoyed.Now I'm sitting here totally pissed off and thinking I should probably stop trying to call him because if I do get ahold of him I'm just going to start bitching him out again. Don't I sound like a fun person to be around today?
More About: Girlfriend , Bitch

Blah and ouch
2007-10-19 15:13:00
I don't have anything to say really. I'm really only updating because if I don't it apparently makes some people think I've died. Unfortunately all I really have going on in my life right now is some lower back pain and an increasingly bad mood. Jesse and I are going out to a fancy-shmancy dinner with my dad tonight so I'm hopeful that will help to break me out of my funk. We'll see.
More About: Ouch , Blah

Advice my mother never gave me
2007-10-15 19:50:00
When you were a kid did your mother ever say to you "Always wear clean underwear in case you get into an accident."? Mine never did.That's why yesterday when I got dressed I thought nothing of putting on my oldest, rattiest pair of underwear.It's funny then isn't it, that as I climbed into the ambulance last night after our car was rear-ended at a stop light my first thought was "Oh no! Everyone is going to see my grundgy underwear!" Long story short, everyone is ok. Jesse is ok, the kids are ok, the baby is ok, the car is ok, the 21 year old that hit us probably learned a valuable lesson about not paying so much attention to your car radio when you're pulling up to a stoplight, I have a pinched nerve in my lower back that a couple of days of rest and painkillers should take care of and despite being seen on the labor and delivery floor and the emergancy room, not s single person saw my ratty underwear. And now they're in the trash.
More About: Advice , Mother