Problem Girl

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Sigh
2007-09-01 06:21:00
I'm getting tons of visitors to my contest but not that many people are entering. Not even the people I know who I know are reading this blog because I can see you on my site meter so why don't you just fricken try to win the free candy already? Do people not like M&Ms anymore? Or is nobody proud of anyone? I don't know what one of those possiblities makes me sadder.
More About: Sigh

I cannot stop crying
2007-09-01 04:36:00
"After I die I will become this mama, this mama right now, crossing the good end of the River Styx with one foot up on the bow, empty mai-tai wrap around my waist, looking off to the horizon and on my way to be with Liam, to feed and burp and pat his rump and coo in his ear, to fulfill my purpose. I am not afraid anymore because I will have a job to do, breasts decades younger and ready for him, heavy with milk."After this, I'm all out of words.
More About: Stop , Anno , Crying

An alien in my belly!
2007-08-31 06:24:00
Get the 3D Pregnancy Calendar | Baby Countdown Ticker widget and many other great free widgets at Widgetbox!Ack! How creepy looking is that thing?
More About: Alien , Belly

Who are you proud of?
2007-08-30 18:32:00
A few days ago I was talking with a friend about how no matter how good and fulfilling you childhood is, you always grow up to crave something. (That's our theory anyway.) It might be love or attention or security or any other number of things. When my friend asked me what I crave I responded "I crave knowing that my parents are proud of me ...... and chocolate."So in honor of those two cravings of mine that never go away I'm going to have my very first blog contest! Check it out!The Rules1. Leave a comment on this post by 11:59 PM, September 4th.2. Tell me in your comment who you are proud of and why.3. Be sure to include a way for me to get in touch with you in case you are the winner. It's ok if you don't have a blog, just leave your email address.4. If you do have a blog, mention this contest on it so that more people can get in on the fun!5. Winner will be chosen at random from all qualifying entries. I will contact you if you are the winner.The PrizeChocolate! In M&M form!...
More About: Proud

Elle's first haircut
2007-08-29 17:47:00
Elle had her first haircut on Monday. Since I am terrible about remembering to bring my camera to even the most important of events my mom came along to take pictures. She also made the appointment for the haircut, paid for the haircut and make a scrapbook page documenting the event. Without my mom my kids would spend their whole life looking like ragamuffins and having no pitures to remember it all with.This woman cuts my mom's hair, she cuts my hair (on the rare occasion I drag my rear in to see her) and now she's cutting Elle's hair. She even did my hair on my wedding day. She's like our own little family tradition.As you can see, the cape didn't last too long. I don't think Elle liked not being able to see her hands. I'm looking pretty raggedy and intense here. I'm not sure what that's all about. Joseph was so cute when we first got back to the chair. He said things like "It's ok Elle, you don't have to be scared! You've seen me get myhaircut. It will all ...
More About: Haircut

Oh cripes
2007-08-29 17:25:00
Apparently one of my comments about who's reading my blog was taken by someone in a totally different manner than what it was meant. Just to be clear, I didn't mean that I wanted anyone who was currently reading my blog to stop reading it. I just meant that sometimes I think about who's reading this blog and it makes me censor myself.So to that person who didn't understand what I meant: Chill out you spastic cow. You don't figure nearly as importantly in my life as you seem to think you do.

Who really knows you?
2007-08-28 16:43:00
When I started this blog I used it as a way to keep family updated about Elle and Joseph. I still use it to talk about my kids most of the time but sometimes I use it to vent my frustrations, to (try to be) funny, to get out into words whatever is on my mind. So now I've run into a bit of a situation.You see, a lot of people from my real life know about and read this blog. And most of the time that's ok. I have been finding though that more and more often lately I'm feeling inhibited with what I write and share. Sometimes I don't say things that I want to because I'm worried about hurting some one's feelings. Sometimes I don't write what I want to because I don't want people to feel like I don't respect their privacy.For example: There are some issues from my childhood/teenage years that I would like to explore further but I don't feel like I can do that here. Not because my parents read this blog, but because so many other people in my life do. There's probably nothing t...
More About: Ally

The pharmacist took my thumbs Johnny!
2007-08-25 04:56:00
This evening I stopped of at the pharmacy to pick up my prescription refill for my anti-nausea meds. Yes, the medication that will likely maim and destroy the child I'm carrying. Since I went through the drive-through I had to use the little box to pass stuff back and forth. For some reason those boxes make mer nervous. I think it's because the first time I ever tried to use one was at the bank and I didn't know that the teller opened them from the inside so I pulled up and tried to pull on the box to open it and the teller yelled at me and he was a really hot guy and I was mortified and I didn't use the drive-through for like 8 months after that.Aaaaaanyway. So I pull up to the window and the pharmacist opens the little box for me. I go to stick the prescription in and before I have have my hand halfway out he slams the box shut. I yelped a little bit. A moment later he opens the box again and sends out a little slip for me to sign saying I got the meds. I sign it and p...
More About: Johnny , Harm , Arma

Give yourself a time-out while you're at it
2007-08-24 16:25:00
Elle is such an easy kid. At least I think she is. Maybe I just think that because I'm so used to how challenging Joseph can be. Comparatively Elle just seems like a breeze. She even scolds herself when she does something wrong. This morning I woke up to:Bump....thump....thump......rustle...s wish......rrrrrriiiiiiiiip. "Oh no no no no no! Da do do do? El Ro! Wha happen? No no no El Ro! No rips books! Here. Fak it. There. Seeallbetter!"Translation? Elle woke up and reached between the bars of her crib to grab a book out of the box next to her bed. She pulled one in and then looked at it for a minute before ripping it. "Oh no no no no no! What did you do? Elle Rose! What happened? No no no Elle Rose! No ripping books! Here. Fix it. There. See? All better!"She's actually a lot harder on herself than I would be. Poor thing.
More About: Time , Elle , Give , Time Out

Is being annoyed good for the baby?
2007-08-23 23:42:00
I've discovered an aspect of surrogacy that I'm less than thrilled with. Having an IF who is a massive worrier is turning out to be more than a little annoying.J worries about everything. He's so worried about me inhaling paint fumes when we work on our house that he has offered (insisted really) to pay someone to do it for us and to put us up in a hotel while it's being done. Ok, we'll probably take him up on that but please, give me a little credit. I wasn't planning on spending house painting time with my face hovering three inches over an open can of lead based paint.He's worried about what kind of foods I eat. Again, this could be a valid concern but again, give me a little credit. I'm a halfway smart person, I know how to avoid foods that are not safe for the baby. J's worried about foods that contain bacteria, foods that might contain mercury and (among other things) foods that might be too spicy. (Why? I don't know.) I swear that he's thisclose to hiring a persona...
More About: Baby , Good , Anno

Quick, while we're at the stoplight!
2007-08-23 22:18:00
Joseph is very, very literal minded. Part of that is his age and part of that is the Aspergers . He doesn't really ger sarcasm and often if something is said as a joke he'll think it's real. (It's a a funny thing though because he has a wicked sense of humor and he often suprises me with how witty and clever he can be.) Jesse or I will often forget that he's like this and we'll make an offhand comment that then requires 5 minutes of explaining to Joseph exactly why we said what we did and what we really meant by it. The other day Joseph saw a public service ad on tv about drinking and driving. It led to this conversation:Joseph: Oh no! That commercial said you can get arrested if you drink and drive!Me: That's right.Joseph: Oh no!Me: Honey, that's a good thing. People shouldn't drink and drive.Joseph: But you drink and drive all the time! (He's frantic at this point.)Me: What? No I don't! What do you mean?Joseph: I see you drinking pop or water when you drive.Me:...
More About: Joseph , Quick

Abook, the WonderTeen
2007-08-23 22:15:00
We love our babysitter. We all love having her here. In just a couple of months I went from being very skeptical about the idea of having a teenage girl in our house (on purpose!) to really enjoying having her around.See, the thing is, I really don't like teenage girls. I didn't care for them much when I was one myself and if possible I like them even less now. Oh, I'm sure that most teenagers will eventually become perfectly lovely people but chances are, if you're between the ages of 12 and 18 I don't want to be around you. That's why I was so suprised to find myself not just tolerating, but really liking our babysitter.First off, the kids really, really like her. She's very good with them and they respond very well to her. Whenever she comes over Elle runs over to her and yells "Abook!". (No, that's not her real name, that's just Elle's way of saying it.) If you have children you know how much stuff like that really counts for.Secondly, she's just a really neat...

Flashlight fun
2007-08-22 06:30:00
This is a really cute montage my mom sent me of the kids playing at her and my dad's house. They were playing with flashlights and dancing. Cute!Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting
More About: Elle , Flashlight

Screw them all
2007-08-19 23:41:00
Fuck you for making a comment about the size of my boobs as you walked past me. And fuck you again for repeating the comment louder when your friend asked what you had said. And fuck your friend for turning around and staring at my chest like he had never seen a pair of breasts before. Fuck me for knowing exactly what the two of you were doing but feeling so crummy and insecure that all I did about it was hunch my shoulders forward and feel dirty.I'm so sick of these things. I'm sick of the neck and back pain I've had since I was 17. I'm sick of not being able to find cute clothes that fit right (or if I do, wearing it once and then stretching it out so much that I can't wear it again). I'm sick of people thinking it's ok to just openly stare at my chest when they walk past me.The second I'm done having babies and/nursing these things are getting chopped.
More About: Screw , Crew

My good luck ran out
2007-08-17 22:56:00
I've flown several times in my life. Often enough that I feel like there's nothing really involved in air travel that can suprise me. I know that you can get stuck sitting in front of a kid who won't stop kicking your seat or a crazy old lady who won't stop talking to you or a rather large man who thinks that just because he's sitting in the middle seat he's entitled to use both armrests. I've been in all these seating situations and none of them were really that big of a deal. In fact, as soon as I got off the plane I forgot about them. I've been very lucky in that for most of my life I have never had a really bad seatmate.All that changed when I recently flew from LA to Minneapolis. My good flight luck ran out. I was seated next to the most disgusting I have ever had the misfortune to "meet".It all started out ok. As I sat in the waiting area I couldn't help but notice that there were about 40 or so young, obnoxious Army guys waiting for the same plane as me. I ...
More About: Good , Luck , Good Luck

The kids who are mine
2007-08-16 17:34:00
I've been so caught up with this pregnancy and everything involved in it that I've kind of stopped talking about my kids. That just seems wrong since they're the whole reason I started this blog in the first place.The kids are good. Now let me tell you a little bit about my cervix!Ok, I really don't have anything to say about my cervix. But the kids really are good.Joseph did really well with summer school. His writing improved a lot. I would like to think that this was partly due to the rigorous summertime workbook schedule I had him on. I would like to think that but I can't because at some point Workbooks Every Day No Matter What became I Don't Even Remember When We Last Did A Workbook. (This is one of the many reasons I don't homeschool. I have no discipline. After 5 minutes I would be like "This is boring. Let's do Play-doh!") I guess the important thing is that his writing really did improve. Thanks to his soccer program I think he's also had some big improvements in ...
More About: Kids , The Kids , Elle , Mine

For my brother
2007-08-14 21:52:00
I know why they call you Ben. Because you're Ben solid.I'm so glad I didn't watch Top Chef with you last night because there's no way I could have taken the rest of the show seriously after that if you had been in the room.
More About: Brother , My Brother , Roth , Brot

Warning: Disturbing Penis Dream Ahead
2007-08-14 21:29:00
For me being pregnant means a lot of things. It means morning sickness and mood swings and bizarre cravings. It also means strange and vivid dreams nearly every night. Most of the times I enjoy the dreams because they're usually good dreams and they're so realistic that they're kind of fun. It's fun to wake up from a dream that felt so real that you're almost not sure if it really happened or not. The dream I had last night though was so strange and disturbing that I just can't seem to get it out of my head. I've been thinking about it all day long so I just had to share it.As a side note I would like to point out that I hate hearing about other people's dreams. I just don't think it's that entertaining to hear a 20 minute story about something that only happened in your mind. So I won't be offended if no one reads this. I just want everyone to know that if they do chose to skip this entry they'll be missing out on a description of a living, detachable penis. Oh, and I ...
More About: Jesse , Warning , Dream , Penis , Ahead

Hooray!
2007-08-13 15:18:00
Hooray! No more bedrest! That's right, I'm back in good old Minnesota (it's hotter here than it was in LA!) and I'm off of bedrest. I still have to take it easy for the nest week or so but I don't have to do it while laying in bed. After this week everything should be back to normal.The trip itself went pretty well. Highlights included realizing I was the fattest woman in all of LA (more on that later), the cabbie from India who cheerfully insulted every aspect of my life (more on that later too and seriously, it was hilarious) and having the following phone conversation with Joseph :Me: Have you had anything to eat yet today sweetie?Joseph: You mean other than cookies and tootsie rolls? No.Jesse: Ack! Give me that phone back!The only crappy part of the trip, aside from the guy next to me on the way home who was maybe the grossest person I've ever been next to (and yes, more on that later) was the CVS test. The doctor reassured me that she had numbed my skin so that I w...

LA again, naturally
2007-08-09 18:18:00
I'll be heading back to LA today. If nothing else the change of scenery (even if it is only for a couple of days) might help to get me out of this funk I've been in. Amazingly, staying in bed 90% of the day isn't a real mood elevator. Maybe laying in a new bed for two days will help. We'll see.Anyway I'll be back on Saturday. Hopefully by the time I get back I'll have some kind of estimate on how long this bed rest is supposed to last. Think "short" thoughts for me. I'm starting to really miss doing stuff with my kids. Today Elle came up to me with her arms up and said "I carry you?" and it just broke my heart. I couldn't even lift her up like she wanted me to. (And yes, she wanted me to carry her but she's pretty new to this whole sentance thing and she still gets mixed up sometimes.)So. In conclusion. My kids are awesome and cute. Bedrest sucks the big one. The trip to LA should be short and sweet and uncomplicated. I'll catch you all on the flip side.
More About: Naturally , Natur , Natura , Ally , Ural

Nothing to report
2007-08-06 19:07:00
Nothing much going on here. I had another visit to the ER last night because I was concerned about how much I was bleeding. They pretty much told me to go home and go back to bed. Other than that I've pretty much just been staying in bed.I most likely will not be going to LA later this week because the IFs and I are really nervous about me flying. I can't even walk across the hall without bleeding, we don't feel real comfortable with me going all the way to LA. I should find out for sure later today though.So. Yeah. Good times all around.
More About: Report

Bedrest - Day 1
2007-08-03 02:34:00
Oh my god. I hate bedrest so much. It's only the first day and I hate it. I hate it. Oh well, I have to buck and and deal with it. But I hate it. Thank goodness I have my bacon salt to keep me company!Joseph's surgery went really well today. He was so brave going into the room. A really nice nurse had him giggling like a maniac by the time we actually got into the operating room. He did awesome breathing in the gas that put him out. That was the part he had been the most worried about so I was so proud of him for handling it so well. When he was wheeled back into the recovery room after surgery he was already half way awake and asking to go home and play video games. The nurse told him he had to have a whole cup of apple juice and a whole piece of toast before he could go home but Joseph, being Joseph managed to wheel and deal and bargined it down to three sips of juice and one bite of toast.The best news is that the surgeon thought the lump he took out from Joseph's arm just...

Like I was gonna jump anyway
2007-08-02 05:20:00
Things right now are ...... not terrific. They're not horrible or tragic but they could definitely be better. It turns out that the reason I'm having bleeding is that the baby's placenta has come partially detached from my uterine wall. If it gets worse there is a real danger of losing the baby. However, I am not going to let it get worse. I've been placed on modified bedrest for the next 2 weeks at least. That means I can get up and move around for an hour or so at a time but then I have to lay down afterwards for at least 2 hours. Even when I'm up and about I have to really limit what I do. That means no sex, to heavy lifting, no exercise, no repetitive up and down movements, no jumping, no coughing, no hard laughing, no nothing. Damn, and I really love jumping.(I had to stop and take a quick throw up break here. That's probably on my list of banned activities too.)So I certainly don't want to sound dire here. The good news is that we know what's going on and we know what...
More About: Jump , Gonna

I'm beat
2007-08-01 15:48:00
I was at the emergency room until 2:30 AM last night and now I am just beat. I went shopping with my mom last night and right before we went back home I went to the bathroom and discovered that I was bleeding. Only this time, instead of the brown blood I had been seeing there was bright red blood. Eek! I went home and called the stupid fracken nurse line and they told me to go to the ER right away.My mom came back to the house and took me to the ER (and then stayed for a long time because she is wonderful and lovely and I don't mention that often enough) and they brought me into a room right away.One ultrasound, one bloodtest, one urine test (urine collected via cathater, ugh) one internal exam, two bags of IV fluids, two pain killers, two containters of cranberry juice and several hours later they gave me my diagnosis. The doctor says I have a subhemochromialsomethingorother hemmorage on my uterine lining. It's not as bad as it sounds. There's just a small spot on my uter...
More About: Beat

Are there Mexicans in Cancun?
2007-07-31 04:41:00
Dear obnoxious magazine guy,No, I do not want to buy any magazines to help you win a trip to Cancun . Even though you think you're really cute and smooth, I don't want to order any magazines from you. I wouldn't want to order magazines from you even if you looked like Orlando Bloom. What made me even less likely to want to order magazines from you is when you casually dropped the fact that you don't like "Mexicans or anyone else who doesn't speak English" into your sales pitch. Um. Yeah. Why in the world would you think that's ok? And why in the world would you want to win a trip to Cancun? Do you not know where that's located? There's Mexicans in them there hills!And do you really think it helped your case when you told me not 30 seconds later that your father was a Marine and that "you know how those military guys are, they think a good time is killing someone"? Of course you had no way of knowing that my father is a "military guy" and that I can't think of very m...

Seems to be better now
2007-07-31 04:33:00
I'm feeling a lot better than I was this morning/afternoon. I'm still a little woozy but I stopped bleeding this afternoon and the cramping has stopped too. I did tons of reiki for the baby so hopefuly it's all snuggled in there nice and safe now.One thing I read today said that when you are preparing for an IVF pregnancy the meds that you take to build up your uterine lining can actually build it up too much. Then, as the baby grows it kind of pushes out the excess lining. God, that's so gross. That's what I'm going to assume is happening here though. I'm going to chalk the dizziness up to just regular old first trimester weirdness.Really, I think everything is fine. I appreciate the kind words on my previous post. That sort of thing really helps. Oh, and Jesse's doctor wasn't really able to tell what was wrong with him. He thinks Jesse might have had some kind of infection that caused a lymph node is his side to become swollen and painful but that was just a guess...

Remind me to delete this later
2007-07-30 18:09:00
*This is an angry entry and I'll probably delete it later today.*I don't feel well right now. I'm cramping and bleeding* a little bit and I'm very light headed. I don't know what to in this situation. My case worker at the agency isn't in her office right now. My RE is on vacation and his office is closed. I called Jesse and said I didn't know what to do and his "helpful" advice was to call the nurse line or to call someone else at the agency. Great adviceThere's no one else at the agency that is familiar with my case. That's why I have a case worker. She's the one who knows what's going on with me and can help me if I have a question. She's great and I'm sure she'll back to me as soon as she can. Until she does though there's really not anyone at my agency who can do anything though. Anyway, they handle the business end, not the medical stuff.The nurse line is run by our insurance and it's a total unhelpful crock of crap. If you call they don't give you any good ad...
More About: Delete , Remind Me , Remi

The Simpsons movie
2007-07-29 17:24:00
So I gave in and took Joseph to the Simpsons movie. You know, it really wasn't that bad. I don't even think there were really any parts in the movie where I thought "Oh no! I shouldn't have taken him to see this!" There was one part where you see Bart's "doodle" (that's what they call it in the movie) but it was quick and if anything Joseph just thought it was funny. He's got a doodle of his own so I guess he didn't really think too much of it. The language was pretty mild, I can only remember one "bad" word but even that wasn't a biggie. I think it was ok for Joseph to see. I'm glad I took him. The drawback is that now he thinks he's going to be able to watch the show now too and I had to put an end to that thinking right away. (I think the movie is actually tamer than a lot of the episodes.)So yeah, I guess I'm not such a terrible mom after all.
More About: Movie , The Simpsons , The Simpsons Movie , Simpsons Movie

I'm a bad mom
2007-07-28 22:00:00
I'm taking Joseph to see the Simpsons movie this afternoon. I know that it's not appropriate for him and the adult humor will probably scar him for life but yeah, we're going. He's going to be so over the moon. I can't wait.

I love them
2007-07-27 05:21:00
"Why are we paying so much for sneakers when they're made by little slave kids? What are your overheads?"I love them. If you watch them you will love them too. I dare you not to.
More About: Love