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The great pumpkin
2008-05-09 19:26:00
Yesterday for the first time ever I tried pulling all of Elle 's hair back into a ponytail. She stood so nice and still as I brushed her hair back and secured it with a rubber band.That ponytail was really something to behold. It was a small cluster of gently cascading golden red curls. Beautiful. Then she turned around.And her face looked like a pumpkin.Sigh. My poor giant headed girl.
More About: Great , Pumpkin

How many of your friends have seen your vagina?
2008-05-08 14:38:00
I sent my friend Jen a text today that said "can you call me when you get a chance? I have a question about my period" Before I even had a chance to think about how lame/weird it is that I'm 31 years old and I still have questions about my period, my phone rang. It took her about four seconds to call me back after getting my text. In addition to being a nurse/midwife she really enjoys answering people's stupid questions about their periods. And she's just a really good friend.After answering my period question (which I will not be going into here because I like to be able to pretend that there's a line I won't cross when it comes to revealing every little thing about my body functions) she said "If you're still concerned about it you can come in. I've got a couple of open spots tomorrow."Uh. No. Thank you, but no.See, I first met Jen when she was covering OB appointments for my regular doctor when he was off delivering a baby. I saw her a few times throughout my pregnancy so ...
More About: Friends , Vagina

The horror
2008-05-06 14:29:00
I guess I can't watch my kids watch Nickelodeon anymore. If I do I risk seeing one of their new ads about how they're going to be playing ET coming on some date coming soon but I can't even pay attention because I'm too busy silently screaming in terror.Some people think ET is "lovable" or "cute". I think he's "the stuff nightmares are made of". My parents tell me that after I saw ET (as a wee tyke of 5) I cried all the way out of the theater. They probably thought that was because I was sad ET went home. They were wrong. I was crying because I knew that creepy, bug-eyed little monster was going to haunt me for the rest of my life.For the past 26 years I have lived with the fear that ET is hiding under my bed. Yes, I still have that fear today. I'm convinced that if I leave any part of my body hanging over or off the bed at night ET will reach up and touch me with his glowing finger. And if I look to see what touched me he'll be right there, inches away from me, staring at me...
More About: Horror

Crazy, party of one
2008-05-05 22:11:00
Have I completely and totally lost my mind? I think I have. I am seriously considering getting licensed to do foster care again. I told myself after we adopted Joseph that I was done with foster care, that I didn't want to deal with the screwy system and the whacked out parents ever again. So why am I feeling this pull to do it again? Because I'm crazy?Speaking of crazy and foster care and all that jazz, I have been playing with the idea of typing up the story of how Joseph came to be with us and sharing it here on my blog. Is that the sort of thing anyone would be interested in hearing?
More About: Party , Crazy

Chocolate haze
2008-05-02 17:31:00
If you were to offer me chocolate right now I would turn it down. I know! How crazy is that? But it's true. My mom and I went to a chocolate/wine/food tasting thingie last night and ate more chocolate than should be allowed by law. It was like something out of a dream. A beautiful chocolate dream. You didn't even know where to start because everywhere you looked there were plates of chocolate cake, brownies, fudge, truffles, cookies, pies, chocolate covered fruit and more. When you got tired of chocolate there were stuffed mushrooms (for people who enjoy eating fungus) bacon wrapped shrimp (for people who enjoy eating pure heaven on a toothpick) meat and cheese trays, huge blocks of gourmet cheese and more. Plus, there was wine.It was insane.So I got my fill of chocolate. I think I'm still crashing from a major sugar buzz. I'm also dealing with a wicked cold so all I really want to do today is crawl back into bad and sleep. No luck for me though because very shortly Joseph has a...
More About: Chocolate , Haze

Sometimes he's so flipping cute
2008-04-30 23:00:00
Joseph is up in his room right now throwing a yelling, crying, kicking temper tantrum because Elle looked at once of his books. He's yelling things like "This proves it! I knew they never loved me!" and "Why did I even make her a mother's day present?!?" He came by the nickname Drama Joe honestly.To remind myself that he's not always a whirling dervish of emotion and angst I'll tell you a cute little story. Today when Joseph came out of school to be picked up I could see he was clutching something tightly in his hands. When he got to the car I opened up the door for him and he handed me what he had been holding: a little plastic container with 4 tiny plants growing in it. "Mommy!" he said breathlessly "I planted these at school! Now we can save money on groceries because I'm growing my own carrots!"See? He's cute sometimes.
More About: Cute , Joseph , Flipping

I just don't get my husband
2008-04-30 18:52:00
In my house we have deal. I make dinner, Jesse cleans up afterwards. In the past Jesse thought that "cleaning up" meant "putting the leftovers away ...... sometimes". Over the course of our 8+ years of marriage though I have managed to nag and harass lovingly redirect him so that now he does a much better job. He clears the table, puts leftovers away and sometimes loads the dishwasher. It's my job to unload the dishwasher and if I haven't done it he doesn't pick up my slack and do it for me. The dishes just sit there until I get to them. Ok, fair enough. Unloading is my job and I'll take care of it. And while I'm at it I'll go ahead and load up the dirty dishes when I'm done.But here's the thing. Husband , if you are reading this (and I know that you might, a week or two from now) there is something you need to know. If you want me to load the dishwasher then you're going to have to do your part. No more leaving food on the plates so that it hardens into a crust and becomes ...

Proof that I rock
2008-04-29 18:42:00
What was that sound? Oh yeah. That was the sound of everyone on alltops moms groaning as they realized that now they're just letting any old person into the club. It's the highlight of my week though.
More About: Rock , Proof

Changes
2008-04-27 21:33:00
I'm going to admit something really lame right now. For a while I was feeling pretty down about this whole blogging deal. Every time I had a post that got no comments I would feel a little sad. I would be bummed if I checked my stats and I had a slow day. (I feel stupid even typing that out.) i would think things like "I would like to do this with my blog but I'm not popular enough." and "I would like to do that with my blog but no one would even read it."How stupid is that? It finally occurred to me that it doesn't matter how many people are reading my blog. If I want to do something new with it then I should. If I want my blog to be something other than what it is then I have to make it that way and it doesn't matter if I have one reader or one million. I'm not blogging for stats, I'm blogging for myself.So, with that in mind, I'm going to be making some changes around here.First off, I'm going to start answering comments. It might not matter to anyone but me but it's alw...

Interview with Joseph
2008-04-26 15:46:00
I wanted to ask Joseph some questions about his perspective on Aspergers . All his answers here are exactly what he said to me in response to my questions.Me: What is Aspergers?Joseph: We don't really know. The world doesn't know.M: What do you know about Aspergers?J: That I don't like certain sounds and it's something that makes me really smart.M: Is there anything about having Aspergers that you don't like?J: Not much.M: Is there anything having Aspergers that you do like?J: Yeah, everything. I'm smart.M: Does having Aspergers every make anything harder for you?J: No, not recently.M: But in the past?J: It made it hard to eat.M: Does having Aspergers make anything at school harder or easier?J: Yes, because I'm good at math.M: Does having Aspergers make anything harder or easier when it comes to making friends?J: No.M: Is there something you would like people to know about Aspergers?J: That if I have Aspergers you don't have to treat me different.M: Do people treat you differ...
More About: Interview

It just never ends
2008-04-26 15:40:00
The other day it was 77 out. Today? Not so much.It's April 26th and and it's snowing out. Really Minnesota? Really?
More About: Ends

Whatever could it be?
2008-04-25 23:06:00
When I picked Joseph up from school today he got in the car and said "I have a present for you in my backpack for Mother's Day. I won't tell you what it is but I'll give you a clue. It's in a pot, you have to water it and it's a flower."I'm gonna have to think about that one for a while.

Mo' housework, mo' problems
2008-04-23 20:25:00
Two minutes, she was out of my sight for two minutes. I was just loading the dishwasher. I was trying to clean."Look!" she proudly exclaimed. "I draw round and round!"I put her on the time out step right away. Then I pulled her right back off so that I could take pictures of her. Does that make me a bad mom? Come on! Who could be mad at a face like this?The moral of this story? I shouldn't even bother trying to clean the house. My attempts to get things in order just led to another mess for me to clean up. From now on we'll just live in squalor. Yeah, that's the ticket.
More About: Problems

Wordless Wednesday - Little monochromatic farmers
2008-04-23 16:21:00
This is an old picture but I was just playing around to see what I could do with it on my new photoshop program.
More About: Wednesday , Farmers

I think they're trying to tell me something
2008-04-22 18:02:00
Yesterday I was playing this game with Joseph where I tell him something and look him right in the eyes and he tells me something and looks me right in the eyes. Sounds fun doesn't it? Doesn't it? Yeah, that's pretty much Joseph's reaction too. When we play it his statements usually include things like "I hate this stupid eye game you make me play." and "Can I please do something else now?!?"(But I am a mean mother and I make him play anyway. Because, you know, I sort if want him to have the ability to establish eye contact with people when he's talking to them. It may sound silly but it has helped a lot.)So we're playing yesterday and I ask Joseph to tell me something that I don't know. He pauses for a moment and then (looking very pleased with himself) says "You don't have very many eye lashes and your eyebrows look like a boys eyebrows."This morning Elle was drawing on her doodle pro and she drew this: That's me. You can see my eyes and my nose. There are my arms and my ...

To the person who stole my antenna ball
2008-04-21 21:32:00
To the person who stole my antenna ball,I am so glad that you got such a kick out of my Mickey Mouse antenna ball. We always enjoyed it too. I'm sure you'll enjoy how much easier it makes it to find your car in a crowded parking lot. That was one of the things that we liked most about it. In fact, just the other day my son remarked how when he came out of school he always looked for the antenna ball to help him find the car. I'm sure the tears he shed when he discovered the ball was missing were tears of joy. Joy that now someone else could get use out of something that we ...... weren't really done using.Stealing that antenna ball certainly was clever of you! Where else in the world would you have found one if you hadn't taken the one off of our car? It not like you could have found one in a store or a catalog or ebay or Amazon or in 8 billion other places. And think of the money you saved yourself! Why, by stealing our faded old Mickey Mouse antenna ball you saved yourself th...
More About: Antenna , Person , Ball

Happy Birthday to me!
2008-04-20 17:59:00
It's my birthday today. I'm 31. I went out with some friends for my birthday last night and I bought 4 pull tabs and I won $175. I've probably bought all of a dozen pull tabs in my entire life so that was a nice lucky shot last night. I can't decide if that means I am going to have a good year or if it means I used up all my luck for the year. Knowing me .... well, never mind. I'm going to be positive about this.Here are 10 things I want to accomplish before my next birthday:1. Potty train Elle. (Or have my mother potty train her.)2. Get up that second rock climbing wall.3. Get pregnant again.4. Buy a Wii Fit. (I want one so much I dreamed about it last night.)5. Get moved into a nicer, non-drug dealer across the street having house.6. Sew something wearable on my sewing machine.7. Take a college class on-line.8. Buy a hybrid car.9. Get Joseph a therapy dog.10. Come up with one more thing to round out my list.If you would like to buy me a birthday present there's a link to my ...
More About: Happy , Birthday , Happy Birthday

I have a sports injury!
2008-04-18 15:17:00
I would like to be able to tell you that I totally kick butt at rock climbing but that's not true. I did fare a little better than I predicted I would. In fact, on my first attempt I managed to make it to the top of the easy wall. That felt pretty good. I should have just stuck with that.I decided to give the next wall a try and promptly fell off. Four times. Every time I fell I thought "Oh god! I'm going to kill my spotter!" The girl holding my rope to keep me from falling looked like she weighed about 27 pounds soaking wet. I don't know what kind of crazy physics were at work that kept her from flying up into the air every time I fell but I was impressed that every time I slipped she managed to keep her feet on the ground.The last time I slipped off the wall I pulled a groin muscle and banged my knee pretty good. I have a nice bruise to show for it today. That's ok. It's an honest bruise. I'll be proud to tell people how I got it. Not like other times when I bruise myself an...
More About: Sports , Injury

The proper way to handle whining kids
2008-04-17 03:19:00
Dinner was rough tonight. It involved the usual whining and crabbing but this time it wasn't just coming from Joseph. Elle has started doing it too. I don't know if she's doing because she's copying Joseph or if she's doing it because she's two but she's started pulling the exact same stuff that Joseph does. I put a perfectly nice dinner down in front of them and right away they both start to whine and crab and push their plates away. "Augh! This is not what I wanted! I don't like this! Why did you make it like this!" I thought back to all the great advice I got in comments, emails and phone calls after the last time I wrote about our dinner difficulties. After a little consideration I decided that the best way to deal with it was to ..... um, throw a temper tantrum. I slammed hand down on the table and yelled at them. I yelled at the kids for whining and I yelled at Jesse for yelling at the kids. Then I stormed up to my bedroom and pouted for a while. Then I went out to buy...
More About: Kids , Handle

Blogging Haiku
2008-04-16 16:09:00
Pioneer WomanHow perfect can one life be?Wish I had a ranchMy dear Plain Jane MomShe of many links and blogsSwoon when I am namedVery funny galAbsolutely BananasName is it's own line
More About: Blogging , Haiku

I'll trade you this baby for a video camera!
2008-04-15 20:18:00
We had a really nice visit with J&B and their boys on Sunday. I explained how to get rid of cradle cap (J is afraid of scrubbing Little A's head too hard) and how to use a baby sling (J is worried that he'll drop Little A if he tries to use one). J&B offered to give us their old video camera. I would love to be in a financial position where I could be like "No! Seriously! Take this expensive piece of electronic equipment. It's just cluttering up the house anyway!" I got to hold A for a long time and he gave a bunch of great big smiles. Every time I would talk to him he would look at me very closely. J&B are convinced that A remembers my voice. That's kind of a neat/odd/crazy/cool idea. I wonder if it's true.When we were getting ready to go I thanked them for offering us the video camera and J&B both said "Thank you for giving us A!" A passing waitress shot us a confused look and I wondered what she must have been thinking. On a totally unrelated note, have you ever been in...
More About: Video , Baby , Camera , Trade , Video Camera

My kid is cool like that
2008-04-14 22:48:00
I refuse to be jealous of the fact that my son's blog gets more hits than mine.Joseph sure did get a kick out of all the comments that he got on his blog. He even said "That's more comments than you get isn't it mommy?" I tried to explain that it's fun to get comments but that me might now always get that many. He's pretty sure I'm wrong about that.He's probably right. Just watch the little guy blow my non-swag-getting, non-baby-camp-invited ass right out of the water with his blog stats. Soon people will be like "dooce? Who's dooce? We love Drama Joe!" And I'll be here trying to siphon off just a tiny bit of his traffic for myself. Because I'm lonely like that.Speaking of dooce, I don't really "get" dooce. I'm sure she's a very nice woman but I have to admit that I don't really understand the appeal of her blog. I read her for a while but one day I realized that I have to really care about someone a lot to want to see pictures of their dog and even then I'm probably ...
More About: Cool

My baby is all grown up
2008-04-14 02:37:00
Joseph has a blog! Do him a favor and go leave him a nice comment. Comment moderation is on so you won't be able to see your comments until I approve them. It's the over-protective paranoid in me. Check out what my boy has to say here.
More About: Baby , Grown

Snowball massacre
2008-04-12 17:51:00
We took the kids out for one final romp in the snow before spring sets in. (I hope, I hope, I hope!) Joseph decided to start throwing snowballs (aka hardened chunks of ice) at me. I wasn't going to stand for that. "Get behind me!" I yelled to Elle. (Enjoy my ladylike and dainty gloves and boots. They're Jesse's. Joseph picked up the same ice chunk I threw at him and came after me with it. He got me! Elle tried to help. Then she lost interest. So I had to take care of business. I love my kids. And I really, really love my new camera.
More About: Massacre

Watching the snow fall
2008-04-11 22:49:00
Flickr has locked me out of my old account and it would be a huge hassle to fix it. Since I am lazy I'm just going to start a new one. You can click on the pictures on the left to be taken to my new account.
More About: Snow , Watching , Fall

Don't you wish your girlfriend was a Minnesotan like me?
2008-04-11 17:29:00
Want to know why school was cancelled for today?Just to be clear, this picture was taken this morning. It's showing no signs of stopping either. The pros of this snowfall are: 1) It's keeping the trash from the drug dealers house from blowing into our yard. 2) We're going to build an awesome snowman later. 3) Joseph got to stay home from school and I got to stay home from an IEP re-evaluation meeting that I wasn't prepared for.The cons are: 1) IT'S APRIL 11TH! It should not be snowing like this at this time of year. I'm not an Eskimo, I was not built for this weather. Sigh.
More About: Girlfriend

Schadenfreude?
2008-04-10 23:27:00
The trash can belonging to the drug dealers across the street blew over and now there's trash all over their driveway and sidewalk. I would find this a lot funnier if I didn't know that all that shit is eventually going to blow into my yard.
More About: Schadenfreude

On pins and needles
2008-04-10 15:15:00
I can't sit still. I'm on pins and needles here. I'm waiting for Jesse to call me and let me know that he made the reservations for our Disney trip. Thanks to my dad and I keeping a very watchful eye on Disney World specials and promotions we've dsicovered a way to get all our meals for free. That's a good $700 or $800 just for the four of us right there. This deal just started today and it appears there everyone and their brother is calling in to make reservations. Jesse had to try for 15 minutes before he could even get through and now he's spent the last 30 minutes on hold. What if he gets through and they say "Sorry! All our hotels are booked and all our park tickets are sold out!" Ok, so that would never happen but what if it did? That would suck rocks. So I cannot relax until Jesse calls to tell me the trip is booked.Update! - Reservations are made! Sort of. Well, they're made but they have to be changed. Due to a kind of wonky policy they have with this f...
More About: Pins

Eat, Drink and Be Quiet
2008-04-08 18:06:00
I am worn out.I am tired of the dinner routine we have at our house. Every night is exactly the same. It starts as soon as I start making dinner. Joseph will wander in the kitchen and ask what I'm making. If the answer is anything other than pizza he will start to whine immediately. He'll ask me to fix him something different, he'll demand to "ask daddy" to decide if he has to eat whatever I'm cooking, he'll ask how much of what I'm making he has to eat before he gets something else. When he doesn't get the answers he wants he collapses to the floor and cries. Then he'll pull himself together and recharge himself for battle.When I set the table the whining starts again. Sometimes it's not so bad. Sometimes it doesn't start until I call him to the table. Most nights it starts as soon as he sees the first plate touch the table. It's always a rehash of the same complaints from earlier.Once I've called Joseph to dinner and he sees whatever it is we're having the whining cha...
More About: Drink , Quiet

Animals I know and love (and some I don't)
2008-04-07 19:35:00
On Sunday we were supposed to go to a family get together and spend some time with family members that (in my opinion) behave like animals. Jesse and were not looking forward to it. So we decided not to go and instead went to spend some time with some actual animals. We packed up our whiny kids and went to the zoo.Joseph spent the whole day holding Elle's hand and showing her around. "Up here is the fish tank Elle. Don't be afraid! The shark won't bite you!" and "This is a komodo dragon. Don't worry, it won't bite you!" and "This is a wolf. Don't worry, it won't ...... Oh. The sign says they might bite" Elle spent the day screaming with joy over every animal we came across. "I like-a da camel!" and "I like-a da gibbon!" and "I like-a da animal all gone!" (after we came to an empty exhibit)It was expensive and we all came home smelling like otters but none of that matters. We enjoyed being together, just the four of us. The kids were cute and it was fun to watch them have such...
More About: Love , Animals