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Haunted house hunting
2008-04-20 23:16:00
We've been doing a little house hunting. Guy's commute is killer, and as much as I love where we are and love this house, it's not worth having him on a dangerous stretch of I-40 in stupid crazy traffic day in and day out. He wants to move, and I'll of course, go with him.Yesterday we saw some great houses. They aren't exactly where we would like for them to be, but they had the lay out we need and were reasonably priced.With the exception of two.The first exception was the very first house. It was in a newish subdivision and had everything we wanted down to the double ovens (once you've had double ovens, you can never go back). The only issue was getting in to see it.Our realtor had made an appointment, but when we arrived, there were people there. Tenants. Tenants with very little English vocabulary. They refused to leave so we could see the house, and our realtor refused to leave without seeing the house. A stalemate.A few moments of staredown and our realtor moved in. It w...
More About: House , Hunting , Haunted

Survivor
2008-04-19 04:37:00
In case you missed the news, my best friend kicked cancer's ass.Please go congratulate her.Woot!
More About: Friends , Cancer , Survivor

Flying solo
2008-04-17 20:40:00
I lacked confidence as a mother. I guess I shouldn't use the past tense there. I lack confidence as a mother, but have more now than I did a month ago.It didn't seem like something that would be that hard. While I was nervous about impending motherhood while I was pregnant, deep down, I knew I could do it. I had confidence that I would figure it out.Then came that day in the pediatrician's office when Bird was only 10 days old. The day that doctor looked at me over the top of his glasses and said in a shame inducing voice, "Your baby is crying because he is hungry. You are giving him enough to eat."That was all it took for the wall of confidence I had to come crashing down around me.Of course we know now that Bird was probably hungry, but more than that - much more than that - he had painful gas. He was crying because he hurt. His tummy hurt. Stupid doctor.After that day, I dreaded being along with Bird. I just knew that I was missing all sorts of cues and misinterpreting the one...
More About: My Life , Flying , Solo

Consumer baby report
2008-04-16 16:06:00
Christopher is getting to be a real pro at riding around in his sling. We like our Peanut Shell the best right now, but still use our Lucky and our Moby. The Peanut is just easiest to get in and out of, so around the house I like tossing it on, putting him in, and getting some stuff done.He can ride facing out now, so he can see the world. That's the part he really likes I think. That, and being snuggled up against his mom. I like the snuggly part.Now that he's gained a good bit of head control, I'm going to order a Baby Hawk. I say that, but I haven't done it because I keep picking out fabric and then changing my mind. Too many choices.It's been interesting figuring out what we need and what we don't need. I thought we wouldn't need a lightweight stroller because we got a jogging stroller and I planned to wear him out and about. Turns out a lightweight stroller moved over to the need column when we figured out that going to the mall or to restaurants was much easier if we co...
More About: Consumer , Report , Bird

And the rice milk ain't bad either
2008-04-15 18:29:00
Somewhere along these last couple of weeks, breastfeeding quit being a chore. I stopped crying over it. I stopped watching the clock, dreading the next time I would need to nurse my child. He stopped screaming and thrashing about while nursing. He stopped needing to be nursed several times an hour during parts of the day.I meant to blog about it. Come here and share with you the success story. To be honest, it feels so natural now that I just forgot about it.Then, this weekend, that all came crashing down.Bird was screaming and thrashing again. He had painful gas that I couldn't seem to help him release. He needed to be nursed, but when I nursed him, he chewed and twisted my nipples until I could barely take it anymore. His diapers were full of green mucous poop, and he was generally miserable.I remembered then, that I needed to write about the success. Having a weekend like that made me so grateful for the peace we had been experiencing and the lack of discomfort in my child.I tri...
More About: Milk , Rice

Goldilocks needs a t-shirt
2008-04-12 16:45:00
On the off chance that a bored fashion designer might read this post, I have a request.I would like to have some fitted t-shirts that allow for a large chest. I'm stuck wearing t-shirts that still look like maternity shirts, swimming all around my midsection, just so I can fit my boobs in them. I am ready to look put together again. Please.These t-shirts would be more generous in the bust. The arm holes would be adjusted so that the shirt isn't stretched out of shape in the armpits. The shoulder line would fall a little lower to give the illusion that my shoulders are wider than my breasts (which they aren't).The cute cap sleeves would be a little bit longer so that they at least reach my bust line. Bare arms next to boobs accentuate them even more.Most of all, these t-shirts would be longer so that they don't ride up over the top of my pants. My boobs take up so much of a t-shirt that the poor shirt that I need little suspenders at the bottom of the shirt just to keep it from c...
More About: Shirt , T-Shirt

Adding to the staticstics with me
2008-04-11 02:15:00
I am such a dork. The days when Christopher doesn't nap, I long for a respite. I want for him to go down so badly, just so I can cook something or type with two hands for a moment. Now? He's been asleep for almost 2 1/2 hours, and I desperately want him to wake up. I miss him.An old friend came over for dinner tonight. She and her husband are splitting. They have two little girls - twins who are almost five. It is not easy for her now, putting it mildly.We met because my ex-husband and I used to play in a band with her soon to be ex. Our then husbands were cut from the same cloth really, except I always thought hers had more drive. Hell, a broken down tractor had more drive than my ex. The four of us used to do things together, but had drifted apart through the many changes in our lives.Our dinner conversation was interesting. Her soon to be ex-husband has a girlfriend. My friend and I talked some about how she deals with the fact that this woman will be in her girls' lives. Comi...

Cloudy and a chance of rain
2008-04-09 21:17:00
My daddy called me last night. I have a confession. I have been avoiding talking to him on the phone.It's not that I don't miss him and don't want to talk to him, I do. But talking to him on the phone doesn't make those feelings go away because it doesn't feel like my daddy I'm talking to.Last night, I couldn't understand much of what he was saying. He has been to speech therapy, and from what I've been told, it has helped. However, at the end of the day, if he is tired and on the phone, he is still very hard to understand.He gave me the weather report for where they live. He always tells me about the weather. There is a chance of storms this weekend, and he is worried about them. He always worries about things now.He and Momma are coming back for a visit and Christopher's baptism in June. He knows they are coming, but not when, so he always tells me that it will be soon. Sometimes he'll stop and ask my momma when exactly it is, but usually he will just say soon.The confus...
More About: Chance , Rain , Cloudy

Monday Monday
2008-04-08 00:34:00
What a very typical Monday .I put my husband on a plane to fly to the other side of the world and be gone for a week.When I get home, I get to clean up dog pee from my geriatric pooch.Right now? I should be working on the symphony scores that needed to be completed some time last week. I should be starting the second one that is simply an empty score right now. I should be being productive.Instead, I accidentally plugged the headphones into a video jack. Freaked my little Viao right out. The screen looks like it gained 80 pounds. Everything is fat and wide now. And there is no sound.In case you were wondering, having NO SOUND on your computer doesn't make it a good tool for music composition.And my computer man, my main IT hot babe, my pc hottie? Is somewhere over the Pacific Ocean right about now. Dammit.To top it all off, his ex-wife is calling the house leaving screaming voice mails. Someone really should tell her that screaming at people doesn't make them want to return the pho...

So very quiet
2008-04-07 18:38:00
Bird has been asleep for two hours now. The little boy hates to nap. Unless, of course, he's just eaten and using my boobie as a pillow. Most days I beg him to nap so that I can get something done. Today? I miss him and wish he would wake up now.The house is so quiet. It was like this when Guy went back to work last year. It's too quiet.He walks through the house singing silly songs, talking to the dogs, and calling out random thoughts to me. Having Guy around means continual, comforting noise.In five minutes, he takes off from Atlanta and will land in Seoul. I'm uncharacteristically uneasy. Anxious. Worried. He will be in the air for 15 hours. There has never been 15 hours that I have not been able to be in touch with him. I feel terribly alone.There are things to do this week. Packages to mail. Thank you notes, long overdue thank you notes, to write. Friends to visit with. Quilts to sew. Bird to feed and care for. It will pass.I assure you though. One thing I will get done this...
More About: Bird , Quiet

When you're having fun . . .
2008-04-02 21:50:00
The pollen is out. I thought we were having an early spring with all this warm weather and sinus nastiness. Then I realized that it's April.Where has the time gone? For months, it seemed like January would never get here, and now here it is April. And the taxes are due. Crap.Next week, Guy will be in Korea. All week. Lovely will be at her mother's house. It will just be me and Christopher. And the dogs, of course. Every night this week, I've snuggled onto Guy's shoulder and waged a losing battle to fight back the tears. I don't want him to go.Not only will I miss him, but I'm terrified of doing this baby thing alone. When it's 11:00 PM and Bird hasn't had a nap longer than 20 minutes all day but is still refusing to go to sleep? It's Guy that can get him snoozing. We have a bathtime routine that we do all three of us together every night. He gets up with the dogs in the morning and feeds them. He takes Bird while I clean up dinner and feed the dogs at night.We have our thin...
More About: My Life

Little Miss Cheetah Pants
2008-04-01 21:47:00
This is Hayleigh.Today, Hayleigh is having her third heart surgery. Hayleigh is a very strong little girl who battles health issues that would put grown-ups to shame. She is amazing.If you have a moment today to say a prayer or send a thought out West, please do so.You could even send a comment her way at her mom's blog, Ladybugs and Lizards.We are all rooting for you, Hayleighbug!
More About: Pants , Miss

If you can let go
2008-03-30 01:29:00
If the clothes make the man, what do they do for the woman?I'm not much of a hoarder. My momma is worried about passing certain family things to me because I will clean out every now and then and get rid of things that she might consider too sentimental to lose.However, when it comes to clothes, I'm a terrible hoarder.I have skirts and blouses from 10 years ago. Classic pieces that were budget breakers at the time. I have jeans in size 10 to 16. I have dresses that haven't been worn in 8 years. I have high heels that have never ever been worn but were a good sale on a 9 1/2 AAAA, so I bought them to have when I needed them.I keep these things, stuffing my closet, afraid to get rid of any of it. You never know when I might need it again.This past week, I purged. Three garbage bags full of clothes were taken to Goodwill. Not only don't I need them, it was just way time to clean out and start fresh.I don't work in an office anymore. I don't have to give grant presentations. I don...
More About: Random Thoughts , My Life

Two months
2008-03-27 20:47:00
Yesterday Christopher turned two months old. In a way it seems like he has been here forever. In another way it seems as though I still have no idea what to do with him.There are still days that I do nothing that doesn't involve him. Nurse him. Change him. Hold him. Stare at him while he sleeps. The miraculousness of it all has certainly not worn off yet.Then there are days that I relish in the time the nanny is here. If I'm not teaching while she is here, it becomes a delightful challenge to see just how much I can get done in the moments that she is looking after Bird . Dinner is down to a science, and loading the dishwasher takes all of about 45 seconds now. It's a game.At his two month checkup yesterday, the PA said he was gaining weight just beautifully. He's growing just fine she said. She also said that she didn't think I needed to be using formula. She thinks I need to cut the dairy out to help his gas, and that way, he will be able to stay at the breast long enough to g...
More About: My Life , Months

One of the family
2008-03-25 04:08:00
We just got back from Savannah. The whole family got to go down, see the city, and meet some of my relatives. The ones where Christopher's middle name came from.They are my mom's family. My grandmother's sister is still alive and just turned 90. She and her late husband were like parents to my mother. Her red velvet cake is a legend in our family, as is her strength and grace.They are what you would call country folks. That doesn't mean that they are backwards or uneducated, it means, quite literally, they live in the country.My great aunt's land looked very different on this trip. The cow barn that was a stone's throw from the house is gone. As is the chicken coop. There is nowhere for pigs right across the road, and I couldn't see where there was a fishing pond now. There is no more farm.Her oldest daughter is like a sister to my momma, and so even though we are cousins, I have always called her "Aunt." She takes in family like her momma did for my momma. My cousin J always...
More About: Family , Breastfeeding , The Family

One small step
2008-03-21 04:05:00
Today I nursed my child in the waiting room at the car dealership. There were exactly four men, one woman, and one toddler in the room with me. Two of the men had just separately asked me how old Bird was and commented on what a good baby he was. That is because he had been asleep for almost an hour while we waited on the Jeep to be serviced.Then he woke up. He wasn't supposed to do that. We were supposed to be in and out of there in time for me to get back home, collect my 83 pillows and lay down to nurse him. Unfortunately, there were more things that needed to be done than just the oil change I expected, and we were stuck there almost 2 hours.Bird needed to eat.So I fed him. I slouched down in my chair, getting as prone as I could without falling out of it. I put a blanket over my shoulder, which really was more a polite gesture than a shield, since I haven't yet mastered the trick of getting him latched on without both hands and staring down, waiting for the biggest open mouth...
More About: Breastfeeding , Small , Step

Thinking twice about Johnson & Johnson
2008-03-20 14:26:00
Late to the game again. I stay about a day or two behind in blogland these days. But if you haven't heard, Johnson & Johnson is holding a little getaway called "Camp Baby" for the influential mommybloggers. People you read probably got invited and will have a lovely time at some sessions on how to braid hair and parallel park their minivans. Whatever.Aside from the carcinogens that Johnson & Johnson likes to use in their products, I now have another reason to hate them.Julie, over at Mothergoosemouse, was dis-invited from this little soire once they found out she was planning to bring her baby. To Camp Baby. Go figure.Oliver was born just a few days before Christopher and is breastfed.So no Camp Baby for Julie.I do not understand though, all of the remaining willing participants. Sitting around and writing about how uncool it is that they dis-invited a nursing mom from Camp Baby is one thing. Everyone still showing up and having a lovely time at hair braiding and minivan pa...
More About: Breastfeeding , Thinking

Where we are today & other randomness
2008-03-19 03:23:00
Nursing. Today we nursed. All weekend we practiced getting into new positions. We worked on relieving Bird 's gas better. We nursed whenever and however long he wanted to do so.And things are better.The poor little dude is such a gulper though. He fills up with gas before he's full of milk, so a few good burps and 20 minutes later, he's hungry again. That works on the weekend, but not so much when I have to work during the week.So we'll do what we can.************Guy finished his cradle and the mattress finally came in. It's really beautiful. He refinished it to match our bedroom furniture and we bought some bedding that also matches the room. Now if we could only get him to sleep there.He will sleep there for his first stint of the night, but after he wakes up and nurses, I'm not about to try and put him back down. Besides, I really love spooning with my little man.************Guy was finally made an official employee today. It only took 13 months, but hey, that's the state f...
More About: Randomness , Random Thoughts , Breastfeeding

Happy St. Patrick's Day!
2008-03-18 04:06:00
Almost late. Mr. Kickypants wanted to wish you all a Happy St. Patrick's Day in the cute outfit from his Aunt Shelster. Hope you all enjoyed a green beer and a good time.
More About: Holidays , Bird

Music Together
2008-03-15 04:06:00
Today Bird and I went to our first Music Together class. I had registered for an infants' class that was to be held in Chapel Hill; not close to the house. However, it was the only infant class I could find. It didn't make.The woman in charge suggested I try out the mixed age class and just see how it went. So we did.He loved it.So far, I've been doubtful as to whether or not Christopher is smiling on reflexes or because of stimuli. Today, it was clear that he was having a good time.He lasted about 25 minutes of the 30 minute class before I had to put him up on my shoulder and "shush" out some of the other noises. He got a little overstimulated.But man, he had fun. His eyes were open wide and he kicked along to all of the music. We had a blast.I'm liking this mom thing more and more already.

Still loving Liam
2008-03-13 16:50:00
Remember when I posted this on Props and Pans? No? Well go read it and come right back. I'll wait.Last week, I was catching up on some Dooce and she had posted this video:Now you can all enjoy the magic of Liam Finn. You really have to watch this and see him work one guitar, some pedals, and a drum kit all on his own. Ignore the chick with the cowbell. I don't know what she's doing there.If I were a much younger woman, I would be in love. With Liam. Not cowbell girl.
More About: Music , Loving

When laying around isn't lazy
2008-03-13 15:57:00
It's 11:00 AM. I'm still sitting in the bed. I have had someone or something attached to my boobs since 9:00. Bird has some gas issues. Possibly reflux. Might explain the thrashing and crying during feeding. The doctor said I just had to be patient and keep holding him to the breast. Let him work out the gas.It's a new doctor. He's miles better already. Although, it's not like the old doctor made that a challenge of some kind.My boobs are crying "uncle," and Bird has finally drifted off after an ounce from a bottle.It's going to come down to time I bet. I just won't have all morning long forever. New doctor says though, that very soon, he should be outgrowing some of that gas and I should notice nursing getting significantly easier.I like him. He offers hope along with his analysis. I hope he's right.
More About: Breastfeeding , Lazy

Bird's got a nanny
2008-03-12 02:56:00
I have to start teaching again next week. It's time. I'm more ready now than I was a couple of weeks ago, but there's part of me that's still a little sad.We hired a nanny for Bird for the afternoons. She is a senior in high school and started with us yesterday. I wanted a week with her when I wasn't teaching to get to know her better and be available to answer questions or what not.Yesterday? Bird didn't cry at all. Until Nanny handed him back to me right before she left.I've got to learn how to not take things like that personally.Today, he did cry with her some. And I felt better. Because he cries with me a lot. I know that I try to get too much done when it's just me and him, but I can't help it. Sometimes, I have to put him down to pump. It's just time to do it, and I don't have a choice. Sometimes, I have to fix myself some lunch, and I have to put him down if I'm at the stove or oven. Sometimes, I have to pee, and I have to put him down to wash my hands. It happen...

Superbaby
2008-03-10 04:00:00
And Superdaddy too.The Bird , he flies. . .

Welcome to parenthood
2008-03-08 23:21:00
I had my 6 week postpartum check up this week. It went just fine. Green lights all the way around.I texted Guy before I left the parking lot with a simple "Bow chicka bow wow."He responded, "That's mean to do while I'm in a meeting."That evening, we got Bird settled in for a nap and climbed into bed. A couple of kisses and a cuddle later, we realize that 3 hours has passed and our son is waking up. And so were we.We had fallen asleep. Slept right through the window of nookie.I hear this is what it is like to be parents.Dang.
More About: Parenthood

Starting early
2008-03-08 03:53:00
Future and current bloggers. On the family blogging bed. With the blogging bear. And the blogging Boppy. My blogging boys. Wow. I need sleep.Thank you so much for all of your comments. I actually pulled them up on my Blackjack early this morning when I was nursing Bird , and I read them all over again.If you don't think your one little comment matters? I'm here to tell you differently. Thank you so much - each and every little word matters very much.
More About: Friends , Early

The truth
2008-03-07 03:03:00
The truth is, it still hurts.The truth is, I don't love it yet.The truth is that I wrote this post to remind myself that there was at least that one time that Bird was able to satiate himself to the point of bliss at my breast. Because it rarely happens.I pump, trying to store away breastmilk for when I start working again in a week or so. I do this after I nurse him, but inevitably, he will wake up right after I'm done pumping and be hungry again. So I give him what I just pumped in a bottle and in turn, have nothing stored for him.He and I aren't gelling. Our schedules are off somehow. I feel my biggest letdowns when we are out on a walk, or when he is sound asleep. When he is nursing, he gets fussy. He claws at my breast. He thrashes his head about. He pops on and off uncontrollably until my nipple feels as though it's been run through a cheese grater and I have to give up and go get a bottle.Fixing those bottles makes me feel like the widow that Elijah visited. Her oil never...
More About: Truth , Breastfeeding , The Truth

Ding dong
2008-03-04 03:39:00
My buddy Tara over at Two Lines on a Stick is an Avon lady. Because I like her so, I'm giving a little shout out for you to get your Avon stuff from her. She ships it to you fast, and you in turn are getting good stuff from a SAHM. I love that.If you don't want to buy make up, you can always buy her really cool cards at her Etsy shop. She can do custom cards or announcements or calligraphy for you. A WAHM really.Just sayin'.Here's my loot from the Avon shop. I adore new makeup. I'm such a girl. Which is a huge change from when I was eight. I mean, I was a girl then too, but I was a girl who hated dresses and wanted to be the first female player in Major League Baseball. Which probably wouldn't have required that I wear any of this:For the record, I wanted to play third base for the Phillies. Just like Mike Schmidt.
More About: Friends , Random Thoughts , Dong

Goodbye, old girl. You were a good Volvo
2008-03-03 21:30:00
The Volvo is gone. Sold. Taken away. No more.My Volvo was the first thing I did to step away from my ex-husband. He didn't want me to buy it. I did anyway, telling him that I didn't ask to discuss it with him. He was driving a rental car, a new Maxima, being paid for by insurance, and loved it. He wanted to buy a new Maxima. Not a 12 year old Volvo. I refused to take out another car loan for him.I got $4000 from the insurance company when some jackass totaled my car while it was parked in front of my house. It was my grandfather's car. My family had given it to me after he died because my ex had wrecked his car and not had it repaired. We needed a second car.It was a Ford Contour. Not luxurious by any stretch of the imagination, but it was paid for. It was 7 years old, and only had 11,000 miles on it. Granddaddy didn't go very far in it.When it was totaled, I received far less money than the car was actually worth to me. That's the way it was though, and no amount of fighting w...
More About: Girl , Good , Goodbye

Verbal video
2008-03-01 05:17:00
This morning, Bird popped off my breast and looked up at me. His eyes were wide and bright. His mouth puckered up into a little "O" shape and I smiled at him.He cocked his head, squinted his eyes, and his mouth burst open into a huge smile.I want to remember those few seconds for the rest of my life.
More About: Video , Breastfeeding