Don't Take the RepeatsDon't Take the RepeatsLiving in the South with my Yankee husband, stepdaughter, and 2 dogs. I write about me, my family, life losses, and the things that hang around my brain with nowhere to go. Articles
Shower the people you love with baby stuff
2008-02-28 21:22:00 I totally just copied and pasted this post because it's more efficient that me trying to sum it all up. I can't tell you how much I adore Liz. You better believe I'll be showering her, and I hope that you will too. Baby Alice has lots of virtual auntie's out there, I know. Let's give her a huge warm welcome into the world! Lizarita here. I?ll get right to it: My good friend Liz and her family are going through some hard times (as we ALL have) and I got to thinking??What can I do to help???? And then I read her comments and talked to her and came up with a solution: Liz?s Virtual Baby Shower. This baby shower will function in two parts: I?ll be heading up one side of the shower and Julie will take up the other side (see: below). Since so many of you have graciously offered to pass along your gently used baby items, I was thinking that I could administrate this effort and make sure all the items are delivered safely and soundly to the house of h. And for those of you that kno... More About: People , Love , Stuff , The People
Totally faking it here
2008-02-27 03:29:00 This would not be a picture from today. Because this is not what Bird did today. Except for when I ran two errands.I can't sleep when the baby sleeps if the baby decides to only sleep in the moving car or in my Moby while I'm walking around Joann's.I can see it now . . .I'm the crazy lady in the back of the store, standing propped up against some soft spools of batting, trying to catch some zzzzzz's. Don't mind me, shoppers, and could you keep it down a little? I'm having a nap.So very very very tired.
My life's work
2008-02-25 19:36:00 In a few weeks, I'll have to start working again. Students will start coming back for their lessons. I have to admit, I'm not looking forward to it.Really, as far as a work scenario goes, I've got it good. Students come to my house for their lessons. I've been teaching in the area long enough that I don't have to take students who don't do their work. I have the luxury of auditioning them and laying down some strict guidelines for remaining in my studio.I love my kids (and Bach too!!!). Always have. Most of them have been with me for at least 5 years, some up to 10 years. They are not just my piano students, they are important people in my life. That is what drives me to continue. That and a 6'4" Mason & Hamlin sitting in my studio that I'm not finished paying for yet. Or for a few more years.Today, I got an email from one of them, an adult student, asking if I was going to be ready to start teaching again next week. That will have given me 5 weeks off. I expressly told ... More About: Work , My Life , Bird
One month
2008-02-24 05:10:00 Happy one month birthday, little dude. Thanks for not chomping my nipples off today. I greatly appreciate it. I had in mind to write you a heartfelt letter about the first month of your life, but then I realized that most of it would be about boobs and that didn't seem right.I can tell you this. You are the most interesting baby I have ever met. I never thought a baby could be good company, but you are. You are fascinating. And when you smiled at me this week? Smiled without farting soon after? I melted. I was singing you the "Little Bird " song from the CD that your Auntie Bubblewench sent to you, and you broke out in the biggest grin for the first time.And I fell completely in love all over again.How many times will I do that? Once a day? Once an hour?You are amazing.Hey look, I'm crafty! He's wearing some baby legs that I made. With a sewing machine. Yay, me! Are you proud, Momma? More About: Month
Because I can't believe it myself
2008-02-22 20:35:00 At the pediatrician's office today:Doctor: I don't see any signs of thrush.Me: Are you sure? Because my breasts hurt so badly. Like I would rather be in labor again than have my breasts hurt this badly.Doctor: And you're sure you want to continue breastfeeding?Me: (after initial stun of question wore off) Absolutely I do, and I will.Doctor: Well, they're your boobs, not mine.OH MY DEAR GOD. He actually said those exact words to me. Perhaps I am still hormonally sensitive???Or PERHAPS NOT?Please. Weigh in. Would you be taken aback if your older than dirt pediatrician actually taunted you about your persistence in breastfeeding? And used the word BOOB? I mean, I use it all the time, but the letters M.D. don't follow my name either.Let's discuss, shall we?And you don't have to tell me to get a new pediatrician. It's already in the works. More About: Bird
Annoucement
2008-02-21 03:18:00 Of course, if you live anywhere near us, I can highly recommend a fabulous photographer. Just click the announcement to see more of her work. More About: Bird
Confessions
2008-02-19 19:08:00 As much as I like the co-sleeping . . .As easy as it is to just roll over and nurse right where we are . . .As much as I don't like thinking of Bird sleeping alone even if it's right next to the bed . . .I miss being held through the night by my husband. More About: Confessions
Reminders
2008-02-18 14:44:00 Andria said it. It's strange how something so natural can be so difficult. But it is. Breast feeding has been very very hard. I keep reminding myself of all the reasons to continue. How good it is for Bird .Then, there will be moments like these, after I nurse him. He pops off with milk still dribbling out of his mouth. His little lips smack and he squirms his way in just a little bit even closer to me. One of my favorite faces he makes involves the raising of his little blonde eyebrows followed by a quick nose wrinkle. Most of the time, I even get a smile or two from him.As he falls asleep, propped up on the breast that just nursed him, I'm reminded of how good it is for me too. Good to be able to give him something no one else can. Good to bond with him.Good to get to be his momma. More About: Nursing
Finding peace. Keeping peace.
2008-02-18 05:07:00 It's not so much about finding the peace. Talk to me at any random moment, and I'm perfectly fine about how things are going. Christopher has gained a pound since that day at the doctor's office. He is doing really well, and is a happy baby.That is all that matters, really.How I feel varies from hour to hour though. As whatever hormones are left in me have their way, and as the Reglan inhibits whatever dopamine it has to in order to help my milk production, and as the sleep deprivation messes with my emotions - as all these things come into play, it's hard to know how I really feel.Yesterday, on the phone with Whymommy, I felt good. I was able to discuss where we were with things in a positive manner. Is my baby exclusively breast feeding? No. He has to have 4-6 ounces of formula a day in order to not be hungry. Am I doing everything I can humanly possibly do in order to increase production? Yes. I am nursing and pumping 90% of the time I'm awake. I'm taking my herbs. I'm tak... More About: Peace , Friends , My Life , Bird , Lovely
Day late but worth the wait
2008-02-16 01:51:00 Happy Valentine's Day from a good looking guy. A Mini Guy, if you will.We took the picture on Wednesday, just to make sure that we wouldn't miss wishing the Internets a Happy Valentine's Day on time.That obviously didn't work. I am that behind these days.But my half price dark chocolate peanut M'n'M's? Well worth the delay.Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day!!!Thank you, Aunt Shelley, for our adorable bib! More About: Holidays , Worth , Bird , Late , Wait
Valentine for Guy
2008-02-13 04:50:00 Dear Guy,I could just buy a card or something. Tell you these things in person. Some times though, it doesn't seem like enough. Since there will be no big Valentine from me this year, and probably no candy hidden in the carport by your ex-wife, I thought I would just tell you a few things publicly. Things that make you the most wonderful husband in the world and me the luckiest woman.When the doula took this picture, we did think it was a little crazy. She said we would be glad later. I'm glad now. This picture reminds me of how much you hold me up. How much strength you give me. For four some odd hours, you sat behind me, letting me labor on that birthing ball while leaning back on you. You sat through every contraction with me, rubbing my hair and holding me just tight enough to know that you were right there for me. I think this picture says so much about you, and I'm so glad she took it.I love this shot for the pure unadulterated joy that is on your face. Holding your son for... More About: Bird
What I thought would come naturally. Not so much.
2008-02-10 16:17:00 In a rare moment of two handed typing, I find myself wondering exactly what I need to unload here. There is a post about breastfeeding that I have been sporadically working over the past couple of weeks. In general, it details all the outside obstacles that I have encountered while simply trying to feed my child. It lists the number of heath care professionals who have told me to just use formula. Use a pacifier. Switch to bottles.It was quite a surprise to me.What was an even bigger surprise is how I've had to try and convince not just everyone around me that breastfeeding is worth the effort, but how I've had to convince my own body that it's worth the effort.After a week of engorgement, Christopher was hungry. This is why he was screaming. The poor child was hungry. He had not been able to get the milk I was producing. I had pumped to soften them. Run hot water over them. Placed hot packs on them before feeding. I thought he was eating. He was staying at the breast for an hour... More About: Thought , Naturally
In flood the doubts
2008-02-07 00:43:00 Weaving in and out of the warm fuzzy posts is a post about a screaming baby. A post about a baby who is uncomfortable, hurt, upset, or angry about something. Something that I can only guess at.Yesterday, Christopher spent all of his waking moments as screaming moments. By 2:30 AM, I was completely frazzled. I sat, rocking him in my grandmother's rocking chair, with tears streaming down my face and a voice running through my head saying,"This was a mistake. You aren't cut out to be a mother."Where does that voice come from? How can I fly from the safety of intuition to the despair of failure in less than 12 hours?And now? My child is sleeping soundly beside me after a long night and a long day, and I wonder how I could let myself think such things.Dr. Sears said something to this effect: It isn't your fault that they cry, and sometimes you can't stop them from crying. The best you can do is to not let them cry alone.And so that's what I did. It didn't seem like nearly enough. More About: Bird , Flood
Intuition
2008-02-05 17:37:00 I've spent the past week trying to learn how to do this thing called motherhood. Some parts of it come naturally. Others are being learned through trial and error. And still more is being learned through the advice of friends and family.My parents are gone. Guy has gone back to work. It's just me and Christopher, and of course the pups during the day. It's quiet, and it's giving me the chance to get to know this little bird of mine. We are doing alright.Sunday, we had a session with a newborn photographer. Lovely was with us too, so it was perfect timing to get some family shots as well. Thing is, Christopher decided that he would just be hungry or awake the whole time. No sleeping baby shots for us. He also let loose with the most poop I have seen come out of him yet - while he was naked. In my arms. I had handfuls of runny yellow brown poop. And I didn't mind. Amazing.I didn't understand what people were telling me about just "knowing" how to be his momma. Before he was born... More About: Bird , Intuition
How Little Bird was hatched
2008-02-02 17:29:00 I'm reminded more and more that this space, though shared with many, is still first and foremost a personal journal. So as I begin this journey through motherhood, I'll most likely drone on and on. Don't feel badly to skip some posts, come back later, or even just skim. I'm going to just record it all for the record.For the record, for my record, the very long birth story about about a very long birth. Thursday morning, January 24, I got out of bed after a really terrible night?s sleep. Guy was already up. We ended up fighting, I was completely irrational, and I felt so badly that I cancelled my lessons for that afternoon. I took two hot baths that day, trying to make myself feel somewhat better. It didn?t occur to me that I was in labor. That evening, Guy and I were resting on the bed. I was talking to my sister-in-law on the phone. We were discussing whether or not the menstrual type cramps I had been having were coming in regular intervals and could be contractions. As s... More About: Bird
February Perfect Post
2008-02-01 16:55:00 Not too long ago, when I could still type with both hands at once, I came across a relatively new blogger. This is a woman who you read and wish you could just meet her for a drink somewhere. She's one of those bloggers who is able to remain personable right through the dehumanization of a computer screen.Her post, Icebreaker, is an amazing piece of writing, leaving you breathless by the end.I would pontificate more on it, but there's a baby that needs changing, and you really should just go read her words anyway.See all the perfect posts for January here and here. More About: Post , Perfect , February
This is the reason why
2008-02-01 06:47:00 I didn't know contentment until I picked up my crying child, only to find that being held was the only thing he needed. As he put his head to my chest and sighed out his last whimper, I melted into the complete fulfillment of life as it should be.There are a million posts in my head and unfortunately 80 million gallons of milk in my boobs. I'll be back soon I hope. After the girls get under control. More About: Reason , Bird
So much for "just laying low" last week
2008-01-28 13:03:00 I did not mean to tell a lie on Thursday. I promise.Apparently, it is possible to be in labor and not realize it until your water breaks.33 1/2 hours later though? I totally knew it was labor. I'm a quick study.And you know what else I am?I'm a mommy.Welcome to the world, Little Bird . We're going to call you Christopher.Of course there's more to the story, but I've fallen asleep no less than 18 times before finishing this little smidgen. Thank you so much for all the love, prayers, and congratulations. You all are the best. More About: Week
Pissy
2008-01-22 19:59:00 If I have to have a category that I file posts under called, "Things I should keep to myself," perhaps I should do a better job of editing myself and find a better way to work out my feelings than this blog which has become a public place.Pissy post has been deleted. I am now taking the advice of CGF and going to bake something. Step away from the computer. Thank you, CGF.Sorry if you were subject to my onslaught of venom and frustration.
Tomorrow
2008-01-21 16:59:00 Tomorrow is the day.I want nothing more than to get in my car and go sit with WonderDaddy tomorrow. Or stay at the house and play with the boys. Have a cup of coffee with the parents. Anything.Just to be there.All I can do though, is sit here and hold her hand virtually.We've waited for this day for a long time now. Please go over and leave Susan a comment.Better yet, I think it would be awesome if there were posts all over the blogosphere that wished her luck. All of them titled "Tomorrow."Please? Just a quick post, link to her post, and title it "Tomorrow." Thanks.Harmony In MotionTwo Is Now ThreeTwo Lines on a StickIt's Not About That AnywayAround the IslandA Mother's MusingsAnderson FamilyPretty BabiesI Can Fly, Just Not UpThe Further Adventures of SpaceMomGoodyBlogLawyer MamaUseless RamblingsTumble DryHouse of HFertile MertileWhat Works for UsMountain MommaDirty LaundryMamma LovesStimeylandSlouching MomMotherhood UncensoredMy Life As It IsCrib ChroniclesKaraoke DivaLive from... More About: Cancer , Tomorrow , Tomo
For Liz
2008-01-19 21:47:00 Alrighty then, Liz. You have been super patient. Here they are. All the way up to 38 weeks. I'm hoping we get to start seeing some of you and Alice soon.
Everyone is ready
2008-01-19 21:34:00 Pupstar is just as ready for Bird to go ahead and come as I am.She's been hanging in the nursery today.Maybe it's a sign. More About: Ready , Pups
Haiku reflection on a new me
2008-01-19 05:48:00 Guy and Lovely gave me a new mixer for Christmas. For 10 years, I have used my very basic Kitchen Aid 4 1/2 quart mixer for all my baking. I felt lucky to have a Kitchen Aid, but I knew that it was a little small for the amount and kind of baking I like to do.There have been times that Guy has tried to talk me into buying the Professional 600 series mixer that I drooled over. The 6 quart one. Yum. But I just couldn't do it. I had a mixer that worked just fine. It seemed like such a frivolous purchase when I had something that already did the job.Thank goodness for gifts. The new mixer is a power house, and I swear, I made the best pound cake I have ever made with it on its first run. The crust was absolutely perfect. The batter had room to breathe in that wonderful 6 quart bowl. I love it.Since my old mixer didn't break, I couldn't see getting rid of it. It's a great mixer. So, we deemed it Lovely's mixer and set about teaching her how to bake.Yesterday, I gave her a stack of c... More About: My Life , Haiku , Reflection
Countdown
2008-01-18 02:29:00 Single digits. The counter on the left is in single digits. That doesn't mean a whole lot I suppose. It is only an estimated due date, after all. The fact that the word "February" came out of the doctor's mouth today did not slip past me. I heard it.Someone else is in single digits. Whymommy, my dear Susan, is five days away from her surgery.This has been floating around in my head all month, as I've been watching our respective countdowns. I thought there would be something poetic to say about it. Some sort of literary bit to compose.But there isn't.We just find ourselves both waiting.And it does feel like we are both getting our second chances at the same time. More About: Friends , Cancer , Countdown
Grumpykins
2008-01-17 14:34:00 I'm a grump. You can imagine why. Bird is teasing me.This morning though? I'm so easily annoyed that I'm bitching at our local news show. Just talking to it, telling them how stupid they are.They were all over the Wintery Mix that we would have this morning. Last night, they went as far as to say that we would have about 2 inches of snow this morning. Granted, it would melt before lunchtime, but 2 inches of snow for a couple of hours is better than nothing.Now, we have a muddy backyard, a very sad Lovely, and nothing but rain at 34 degrees.And the weather people? Not apologizing. They are just covering their butts with pictures of some snow flurry that happened at 4:00 AM about an hour north of here.They could just say they were wrong. It would be far less annoying. More About: Random Thoughts
Circle of life and our beloved fatso pig
2008-01-16 04:06:00 We sat at the dinner table tonight with books and papers on labor and delivery. Seeing how Lovely may be with us during Little Bird's arrival, we wanted to help her understand the stages of labor and what would happen during delivery.The basics were covered. The basics of labor and delivery and the basics of our plans. She asked a couple of questions, looked at a couple of the books with us, and we were done. If she thinks of anymore questions she said she would ask us later.It was very cool to sit and discuss the beginning of life as a family. Birth. The arrival of Little Bird.After the conversation, we cleaned up the kitchen and I took some laundry upstairs. Lovely was in her room changing the batteries in her Nintendo. I knocked on her door with some clean clothes for her to put away."I haven't checked the pig in a couple of mornings since you've been here. Is he doing okay?"She said that she hadn't checked on him this morning either. We noticed his water was getting low, and... More About: Family , Life , Circle , Grief
I don't know nothing about no babies
2008-01-16 00:24:00 It's not that I'm ready for Bird to come. I'm not sure that I am. I kind of like having him right here with me all the time. I kind of like having him poking at me and squirming about. He is certainly easier to take care of now than he will be in a couple of weeks.But I'm getting anxious that he is alright. I'm getting anxious that he is out of room. He doesn't move like he used to, and although I know that it is because he can't, I still worry. I still count his movements and give him a gentle rub to make sure he responds. He always does, but I still worry.My Sil told me that the worry starts when you find out you are pregnant and just continues on forever.My biggest worry now though, is that I won't know how to be a mom. What if I can't figure out how I'm supposed to love this little guy?I've never been the nurturing type. The other day, one of my younger students, a sixth grader, was having a meltdown over her least favorite contest piece. Some days, I'll listen, offe... More About: Babies
Up for interpretation
More articles from this author:2008-01-14 19:20:00 There is this dream that I keep having lately. It has various details, but some of the basics are the same. The one I remember most vividly starts out with me going into labor at home.When Guy arrives home, he isn't the Guy I know, but instead, he is a large Hispanic man who works as a janitor. It is still Guy, but it isn't. And I can't understand a word he says because all he speaks is Spanish.From there, I wake up in the hospital to find that I had already had the baby. He looks like a blond haired, blue eyed Cabbage Patch doll and never blinks. He won't have anything to do with breastfeeding.I can't remember any of the birth. When I ask Guy about it, he just continues to speak Spanish to me. Then, I realize that we had forgotten to call the doula when I went into labor. There is no one to tell me about my labor and delivery. When I get up from the bed, I find that I have an incision across the bottom of my belly that was most certainly from a c-section, but everyone insists ... More About: Interpretation 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
|
 |
|
 |
