Don't Take the RepeatsDon't Take the RepeatsLiving in the South with my Yankee husband, stepdaughter, and 2 dogs. I write about me, my family, life losses, and the things that hang around my brain with nowhere to go. Articles
Haiku Friday
2008-01-12 04:31:00 One for Bird . . .I am so tiredLittle Bird's not even hereNeed to get some sleep.One for Momma . . .Momma's chemo worksHer ca125Is down even more.One for Lovely . . .I love track out timeHanging with my Lovely girlGonna learn to sew.More haiku goodness over at Jennifer's place. Check them out. Even better yet, join in! 5-7-5 is a piece of cake. More About: Haiku , Friday
Not even cohesive enough for a post title
2008-01-11 04:11:00 I am so boring. Baby baby baby. If I could think about something else to write about, I would. Just when I think I have though, Bird gives me a good deep dig into my ribs and reminds me that I am supposed to be obsessed right about now.Doctor visit today. Lost a pound and a half. Declined the cervix check again - would rather be surprised if something is happening now. Bird is still head down and squirmy. My lovely NMD ladies tell me that the weight loss is indicative of something about to happen. Interesting.It at least inspired me to finish boxing up the Christmas stuff that had just made its way into the guest bedroom. I need a new tub. Even after all the stuff I got rid of this year, I still need a new tub. Dang.Guy is singing the blues now. Not because he is blue though. Just because he got a new Robben Ford book. I love to listen to him.Haven't heard back from the photographer yet. I emailed him today. Told him how disappointed I was, but that we would like to try again. Trie... More About: Random Thoughts , Post , Title
Certainly not an ad for SanDisk memory cards being that they are complete p
2008-01-10 04:43:00 Guy and I had some pictures done in mid December. Couple shots and maternity shots. We didn't have a wedding, so there are no wedding pictures. We wanted some good pictures, so we hired this guy to take some.It was a gamble. His work is really quite good, but he had never done maternity shots before. We didn't want the heart around the belly button shot anyway, so we opted to go with him for his portraiture.When he asked if we needed the pictures before the holidays, we said "no." What I didn't figure into that was him waiting until now to actually take said pictures off the memory card and try to load them.Email tonight said this:"I'm afraid I've got some bad news about the photos..."They are ruined. Something about the memory card and noise and whatnot. There are no pictures. He wants to come and reshoot them this weekend.Here's where the not hiring a maternity photographer is coming back to bite me in my ever expanding ass. There is a HUGE difference between a 34 week pregn... More About: Memory , My Life , Cards , Complete , Sandisk
Take your best shot
2008-01-08 21:37:00 Remember this little guy? Of course, how could you forget. He seems to be all I talk or think about these days.I've been a little too gunshy to start a baby pool yet. Seeing as though he could come at any point now, I thought it might be fun.Just click on the picture of Little Bird, and you will be taken to the location of the gamble.We know he is a boy. My due date is January 25, and I'm a first time mom. That's all the hinting you get.There will be an awesome prize for the winner. Don't ask what it is. I don't know.I'll attempt to move this to the sidebar too, for those who come along later and want to play.Go on and have a guess! More About: Shot
Banned from yoga
2008-01-08 16:39:00 Guy decided that I should not return to my yoga class until after the baby is born. I protested until he reminded me that I had tripped over the same dog bowl three times in less than five minutes.And he reminded me that I have to pull up onto the bed with help from him or one of the four posts.And then he reminded me of the 12 pencils that he picked up off of the floor when he cleaned up the music studio last week. Because I dropped them and just left them there. Because it was easier than bending over to pick them up.I suppose he has a point or two. More About: Yoga , Banned
Stand by me, stand by us
2008-01-08 01:58:00 I've been trying to figure out what to write all day. There was this post that I was going to write on Saturday about my friend, my hairdresser, Trish. The post, in my head, was going to be about how this time last year, I would go see Trish at least one a week. Her chair at the salon was my safe haven.I was so depressed. So very sad. With Trish, I could show up as real as I needed to. She would trim, color, and wax my woes away for the morning. She would make it all better for the time being, and gave me so much support after we lost the baby. I leaned on her and leaned hard.Friday, I went in for some color, and thought about these things. Thought about how grateful I am to have Trish. Thought about this post that I was going to write.Then she goes and outdoes herself.There was this conversation we had about a baby shower. I told her about the amazing group of women that had thrown me a shower from the corners of the country. Still, to this day, I can't find the words to express ... More About: Friends , Stand
Haiku holiday
2008-01-05 01:44:00 I was a bad girl and skipped haiku-ing over the holidays. You all kept up so well, and I enjoyed reading them. Now, I will join you again.******Gibson, you poor boyWe are always coming backYou are safe at home.Rescue RemedyIsn't really helping youSeparation angst.Gibson, you sweet boyYou're in your forever homeI wish you knew that.********Poor big love. Gibson has severe separation anxiety. He has to stay in his crate when we are gone. We can't trust him in the house, and supposedly, he is "crate trained." We don't know what the foster family thought that meant.But when we leave him, he panics. Shelter nightmares? Fear of family leaving him forever? I don't know, but I wish we could make it go away.We are trying. Safe word to put him in the crate. Leave for only 10 minutes. Come back and let him out only if he's quiet. Don't make a big deal out of leaving or returning. But in the meantime, we still have to leave him sometimes. Guy has to work. I have errands to run. And poor ... More About: Friends , Holiday , Haiku , Pups
In case it hadn't struck you yet
2008-01-04 03:21:00 Today is Thursday.And Whymommy didn't have to have chemo today.This is the bestest Thursday in quite awhile. More About: Friends , Cancer , Case
Mutual respect
2008-01-03 16:57:00 Yesterday I had my first of the weekly doctor's visits. Saw my least favorite doctor. Declined the cervix check (dude, it is closed tight, and Bird is hanging way up there, I don't need your jelly fingers to tell me that). Had only one question for him.After he palpated my tummy and told me that Bird was head down and would most likely stay that way I asked, "Can you tell which direction he is facing?"His reply?"That's not important right now."This is the same guy who when I asked a couple of months ago about eating and drinking during early labor and wearing my own clothes instead of a hospital gown replied,"You aren't going to want to do that."Um. I know you're a doctor and all, and that's great. But could you please answer my stinking questions? I can respect you and your knowledge a whole lot easier if you stop acting like a pompous ass.You see, it is this attitude that annoys me most at the doctor's office. My OB, the one that I normally see, doesn't do this. She answer... More About: Respect , Mutual , Mutu
Too funny
2008-01-02 19:45:00 This made my day. Snort.Only the fried pickles are still there, by the way. Whymommy and I escaped years ago. Virtually unscathed I might add. Heh. Thanks for the laugh, Kristen! More About: Funny
Seven and five memes
2008-01-02 15:19:00 I'm not a resolution maker. However, having finally caught up on my blog reading even if I had to skim some, I would like to stay more up to date with things and the people I care about in this community.That includes answering memes and awards in a timely fashion. I've been a rude blogger lately, and that is going to change.I don't promise though, that I won't cheat and do two memes in one post. Heh.Emily, the fantabulous editor of Props and Pans and author of Fenicle, tagged me for a seven random facts meme. I've been tagged for this before, but we know what happened there. I was just rude. Sorry about that.1. I have expensive tastes and a tight wallet. The two contradict each other all the time. Consequently, I would rather have one pair of expensive jeans that fit really well than 5 pairs of cheapo's that don't. On the other hand, nothing gets me more stoked than a good bargain.2. I have never liked the way I look more than I do now while I'm pregnant.3. Dogs like me.4.... More About: My Life , Memes
Recap for me
2008-01-01 01:19:00 Feeling like I need to wrap up 2007 here. Since I tend to go back and read posts from a year ago, I'm reminded that the reason I started writing here anyway was for myself. So for me, I present 2007 in a brief review.January and February were tough. Tougher than I thought I could withstand. We had lost the baby. Guy was getting laid off from work. I sank.Those same months, I learned what it meant to have someone support me. I learned what it felt like to be taken care of by someone else other than myself. I couldn't do it on my own anymore, and Guy was there to carry me. He got me help. He celebrated with me when there started to be more good days that bad days.March and April played a waiting game. Guy and I spent everyday together. Getting laid off has its perks. Bonus snuggle time. He searched for a job. Scratch that. He searched for the right job, and we waited patiently (most of the time) for him to find it. There was a trip to D.C. to see Whymommy and take Lovely on a tour o... More About: My Life , Recap
One year ago. One year later.
2007-12-28 16:16:00 So here it is. If you've read it before, feel free to move on. I'm going to stay right here for today, and then tomorrow I'll move on again too. Taking my little one with me in my heart when I go.************At 12 weeks yesterday, I gave in and bought baby clothes. Sil and I were at Old Navy and she helped me pick out the most precious "Baby's First Christmas" onesie and a pile of other gender neutral clothes. Mostly gender neutral. I threw in a onesie with a bulldog on it because a) I just knew my baby was a boy and b) It was possible to put pink pants with it and thereby qualified as either or to me. We left Old Navy, picked up 36 Krystal burgers for the crew, and headed back to Sil's house. We had gotten new pj's and matching shirts for Lovely and my little Clone niece, and a pile of 50% Christmas randomness to show off and gloat about their cheapness. However, as I was standing in the kitchen serving drinks to the kids, I felt blood began to run down my leg. Eighteen hours... More About: Friends , Grief , Year
Remembering
2007-12-27 23:36:00 Christmas has come and gone. Usually I'm able to hold onto the holiday spirit at least until New Year's Day, but this year, it's just left the building. Don't get me wrong, the trees are still up and the music is still playing, but the glee just isn't lingering in the air like it usually does.Could have floated away when Lovely and Papa left on Christmas afternoon.It could have been blown out the window when I realized that we have less than a month until Little Bird is due.Or it could be that I'm not headed to see my Bro this year. It's only the second Christmas that I have ever spent without him. That bums me out completely.However, I am not only too far along in this pregnancy to travel 12 hours by car, I have also vowed not to return to Jackson until this baby is born. No more visiting Jackson hospitals for me, thank you very much.You see, tomorrow marks a year ago that we lost Cleatus. I mentioned it to Guy, that tomorrow was the day, and he corrected me.He said, "Tomorr... More About: Holidays , Grief , Remembering , Erin
Streaks
2007-12-27 01:09:00 I caught a glance of my belly in the mirror while in the shower the other morning. To my horror, I saw the development of massive stretch marks covering my entire belly.Then, I realized that I simply needed to clean the glass doors in our shower.Really, the nesting can kick in here at any moment. The house needs a good scrubbing. More About: Random Thoughts
Merry Christmas tunes, part duex
2007-12-23 22:52:00 We Three Kingsarrangement, vocals, piano, by canapeThis is what happens when you leave me unattended with an endless supply of empty vocal tracks. More About: Christmas , Holidays , Tunes , Music , Part
Christmas tunes for sharing
2007-12-22 20:29:00 What Child Is Thisarrangement, vocal, piano, by canape More About: Christmas , Holidays , Tunes , Music , Sharing
Letters to the world
2007-12-21 04:57:00 Dear woman in the Camry,I'm sorry that you had a hard time making up your mind whether or not you were going through the light. As you stopped and started and stopped and started again, you will be pleased to know that you made it through the legally yellow light. Unfortunately, the rest of us did not. And I had to sit there for another five minutes. I hope you had to park way far away from where you were going and have corns on your feet.~canapeDear Postal customers,Wrap your own damn packages and be ready to send them when you get to the counter. It's December 20, people. It doesn't matter how you send it. It's not getting there in time. Plan ahead next year.~canapeDear Gibson,You are a sweet dog and I already love you. When you jump into the passenger seat from the back it frightens me. It is also very annoying to have you riding there because you weigh more than enough to set off the seatbelt sensors. The constant dinging was driving me crazy.And you drool a lot.~your mommaD... More About: World , My Life , Letters , The World , Pups
And you will be happy to know
2007-12-20 04:36:00 Guy and I met with a doula tonight. Our childbirth instructor recommended her, and we like her very much. She will be working with us in, oh say, about a month. Egad.Whymommy asked about our plans. I can't remember the specific question and am far too lazy to go back and look it up, so I'll answer what I think the question was. She puts up with me that way.Plan #1: Have baby.Everything else is negotiable.Of course there is a plan though. Things that we would like to have happen. I understand that you don't have complete control of the situation and the main thing is to have a healthy baby. Right on. I'm just answering a question of what the plan is though, so grain of salt please. We know that it may not go like this, and that will be okay too.We want to labor at home for as long as possible. The hospital isn't that far away and if I can avoid going in too early, then a lot of the other things I would like to avoid will be obsolete by then.I don't want an IV or a hospital gown... More About: Happy
Rewrapping presents today
2007-12-19 16:34:00 When you are housebreaking a dog, and he pees on a tree, that should be a good thing, right?Exception to that rule: Christmas time.Guy's new dog peed on my blue Christmas tree. I suppose it belongs to him now. Gibson's tree. He claimed it. More About: Holidays , Presents , Today , Pups , Wrap
I do believe I need a little res-SPITE
2007-12-18 18:32:00 Last night Guy and I toured the birth center at the hospital where Little Bird will be born. It was very un-momentous, but highly entertaining.I'm not sure who I thought would be giving the tour, but I didn't think it would be Alvin, the volunteer. Alvin was a nice older man who reminded us of Papa. He said "okay" inbetween every third word, and he mumbled as he walked backwards but was clear and loud when we stopped.On every floor of the birth center there was a respite nursery. A place where Mom can send the baby if she needs a break or a respite.Every time we passed one, Alvin would point it out and call it the res-spite room, with the accent over the spite, with a long I sound.Then, at the end of the tour, he couldn't understand why we didn't have any questions for him. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I couldn't ask questions of a man who mispronounced that word over and over and over again.Guy and I got tickled over Alvin and his "okay's" and "res-SPITE's," but...
More puppy to love
2007-12-17 16:07:00 This morning, I'm typing this while sharing the couch with a 90 pound chocolate lab named Gibson.On Saturday, Guy and I went to PetSmart to buy guinea pig food and came home with a chocolate lab. As CGF said in an email, "That was one hungry guinea pig!" She cracks me up.It's a simple story of boy meets dog, boy falls for dog, dog comes home with boy. I couldn't stand in the way of that.After all the fostering I have done for English Setter rescue, it never dawned on me how important the work really was. In my mind, I was just providing a home for a dog until he could be adopted. Saving a life.I never realized that the family getting the dog was getting much more than just the dog. They were getting a dog that had learned to live indoors. Learned to live with other dogs. Been tested with children. Been trained to walk on a leash. Been housebroken.That's a pretty good deal, people.Gibson is an older dog. His paperwork says 3-4, but we are thinking more 4-5 at least. He is neutere... More About: Love , Puppy , Pups
Haiku Friday, I love Santa way more than these kids
2007-12-14 19:06:00 I missed the haiku party last week. Shame on me and shame on my emotional roller coaster. I hope to make it up to you this week with one of my favorite sites to visit around the holidays:Scared of Santa photo gallery. I don't remember how I found it, but it is home to some of the best children with Santa photos that I've seen.The one on my left is my personal favorite. Guy and I made Christmas CD's for friends one year and this was the insert picture. The CD's had the worst Christmas tunes we could find on it including Johnny Mathis' rendition of the "Hallelujah Chorus," Stevie Nicks murdering "Silent Night," and Chaka Khan singing "The Christmas Song" with her mouth full of marbles. All she wanted was a "turn key and some middle toe." One person actually gave theirs back to us. She had no sense of humor whatsoever.So in honor of the season, here is my haiku about Santa's lap. If I can find it, I'll add the last picture I had taken on Santa's lap when I was in college. Naugh... More About: Holidays , Kids , Love , Haiku
There's apparently a baby coming
2007-12-13 18:19:00 There might be a nursery in the making. Last night, after what I consider mountains of homework, Lovely helped her daddy put together what she has dubbed, "baby prison."I guess it's time for me to nest.Instead, I'm going to go upstairs and work on a sewing project. Something that I would like to go to a friend's little one. However, she sews too, and I'm a little afraid that I'll just embarrass myself with my efforts. Is it really just the thought that counts?How cute is he? So proud of his little boy's crib.I suppose we should buy a mattress for it. Details, details. More About: Baby , My Life , Pare
Under the same happy-sad sky
2007-12-12 19:02:00 It's interesting to me how we deal with other people's pain. A lot of times, it seems as though society says to ignore so that we don't remind them of it. As though if we don't say, "I'm sorry about what happened," or "I know today is a hard anniversary for you," they won't remember and won't be in pain.That has to be ridiculous.Another thing I wonder about is that feeling that if we are too sad for someone, we are somehow trying to take over their sadness. When do you cross the line of comforting someone into making them feel like they need to be comforting you?Today should have been my friend's due date. She is keeping busy today, so I won't get a chance to talk to her, but I sent a card.As I was writing the card, I hesitated. And then I got so mad at myself. Because how stupid am I to think that sending a card would just make her feel worse? That's crazy. But I find myself worrying about it.Maybe she didn't want to think about it today. Maybe she didn't want to be rem... More About: Friends , Happy , Grief
Damn near 85 degrees outside
2007-12-11 04:31:00 You know you live in the South when you take a drive to look at Christmas lights in a convertible, with the top down.I would really like to have one good snow this year.Preferably not at the time I'm giving birth.It could at least be cold though.Thank you, Izzy for making my blog a pretty pretty place. I love it, and I love you too! More About: Damn , Degrees
Some blog awardy things
2007-12-10 02:15:00 I've been slack on answering memes and such lately. Slack in general. Today though, I discovered two awards that I just can't let slip by without posting them.First, Mollydoll granted me A Major Award! Knowing how much I love A Christmas Story, this a huge thing. Well, knowing how unstable I've been this past week, I guess it is no surprise that I got a little misty eyed at this beauty:I'm passing this along to Bubblewench who I just know will love it, and Christine whose new blog is rocking the sphere already.And then from Bubblewench comes possibly the best award ever created because it has a big ole can of PBR in it. She and CamiKaos make it seem as if they wouldn't drink PBR, but I'm not that kind of girl. No beer snobbery here.There is no kind of heaven like a giant cold PBR, a hot dog, and seats in the shade for a Durham Bulls game. This is possibly why Guy's dad and I have gotten along from day one. PBR is some serious bonding beer. Kidding.Without even knowing about m... More About: Blog , Things , Some
Born to Ramble
2007-12-09 17:40:00 Everything has made me cry this past week. Commercials with babies or dogs. Guy talking to Bird up next to the belly. TV shows. Everything.Friday was a bad day. It was different than just the tearing up, it was a big black cloud of a day. It was long and hard and very not fun.Then Saturday, I woke up, rolled over into Guy's arms, and noticed that quite literally the sun was shining again. It was the strangest thing. And I wondered if that was at all what it was like to have depression. Of course, it was just that one day where I had no control over how I felt or reacted to my emotions. One single day where I felt like the darkness would never lift and it wasn't worth trying anyway.If that is at all what it is like, then I have a new appreciation for people that have to deal with day after day of that despair. I do not know how they do it.The strangest thing is that my phone rarely rings during the day. I'm not a huge phone talker anyway, but during the day, if I don't talk to T ... More About: Ramble
Nothing to read here
2007-12-07 16:07:00 Things you say, things you write, you can't take back. You put them out there, and no matter what your intentions were, it's up to the person listening or reading to interpret it.So your words are powerful, but you don't hold all the power.I hurt someone with words today. It's barely midmorning and I'm already on a roll. The thing is, I completely meant to be loving and supportive. Understanding. And I totally screwed it up because I didn't understand exactly how they felt in the first place.It's been a bad morning.To start things off, I've had to make hard decisions that make me look weak and small when in reality they are just protecting a little girl who I love very much. But I'm tired of sacrificing. Letting selfishness, immaturity, and instability seem to win out. Of course, it isn't about me, so I will continue to do what is right. It shouldn't be about the adults. It should be about the child. And the child shouldn't have to take care of the adults. It's just si... More About: Read
Best UPS man in the world
More articles from this author:2007-12-07 04:44:00 Our UPS man is an angel. The poor guy has delivered half of our home renovations. He has delivered a Sleep Number bed which went back about 2 weeks later. He has delivered countless boxes of wine from Nicholson Ranch. He has delivered dozens of boxes of computer parts. He is Santa Claus for us at this time of year.He never complains that the dogs bark incessantly at him. He doesn't care if I answer the door with no make up and pajama pants on. He hasn't let me lift a package since he found out I was pregnant.Today though, he went above and beyond.Pupstar announced his arrival, and I went to the door to meet him. He was standing in the door of the truck and called out,"I don't think you are supposed to see this. Is the man of the house home?"I told him that no, Guy wasn't here, and he said,"There are pictures all over the box. I'm not bringing this to you. It's supposed to be a surprise, I just know it."So I told him he could put it in the back of the Jeep and I wouldn't peek.... More About: Holidays , World , The World 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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