Fluttering Butterflies

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Phew
2008-04-22 14:01:00
Seeing as how I will not (purposefully) have any more children, I have purged my wardrobe of all of my maternity clothes. It feels like such a relief! No more fat clothes. Which means I will actually have to do some exercise to rid myself of the horrid muffin-top that has formed so I will be able to fit into my old clothes...

Wish list
2008-04-20 11:28:00
1. To have 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep.2. Actually, I'd settle for 8 hours.3. Hell, even 6 would make my day.4. A haircut and my eyebrows reshaped.5. To lose 15 pounds.6. To have enough concentration to sit through an entire movie or 2 hours reading a book.7. A day to myself without worrying about laundry or sterilising bottles.8. Ooh, a holiday.9. For Elliot to continue taking an afternoon nap.10. For Joshua to switch from 3 hourly feeds to 4 hourly feeds.11. More sleep.12. Clothes that fit.13. Did I mention some sleep?!
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Culprits
2008-04-17 13:02:00
...These are the boys keeping me from my sleep! (but they're worth it!) (Thanks for the comments everyone, they definately cheered me up.)

Very tired
2008-04-14 22:26:00
Soooooooooo tired. Leave me a comment and make me feel better. Thank you.
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Are Super-Moms a myth?
2008-04-11 10:14:00
I went out to lunch the other day with some friends and found out that both the other women I was with employ a woman to clean their houses every week. I thought it was a joke at first, but it wasn't. Oh the luxury. I started daydreaming there and then about someone who came to my house and mopped my floors, cleaned those stains on the carpet, washed the windows, changed the bedlinen... even now I'm getting carried away just thinking about it. Imagine the extra time on my hands if I didn't have to worry about the laundry or the vaccuming!It made sense though, when I thought about it. No wonder these women's houses are so immaculate looking! Everything spotless and in place. I think they should have kept their cleaning lady a secret though, because now I know they aren't the Super -Moms I thought they were!
More About: Myth

No love
2008-04-10 22:22:00
I was walking home from the shops today, when I passed by two women standing in front of the shop doors. Both had children in pushchairs and one was pregnant. Both were smoking. I couldn't help myself from throwing a dirty look their way and muttering under my breath. I don't usually have such a strong reaction to anyone, but I realised today that I have no respect at all for pregnant women who continue to smoke. I have no respect for parents who smoke around their children. And I have no respect at all for people who smoke in places where other people have no choice but to walk through secondhand smoke.What about you? What things annoy you the most?
More About: Love

Ask me a question!
2008-04-09 11:55:00
I'm not very familiar with Maya Angelou's poetry, but I might give it a go one of these days. A cousin of mine sent this poem in an email to me the other day. She wrote that it was lovely and somehow empowering. I wouldn't be able to say that I have or know most of the things written in this poem. But I don't regret my life or the choices I've made either. I feel very lucky for the life that I lead, and whilst there are still many things I'd like the change or improve on, I am happy. Whenever I read other people's blogs there are always questions I'd love to ask, about things unsaid and subjects mostly avoided. And I thought I'd just put it out there... if there's anything you'd like to know, any questions you'd like answered about me, my life, this blog, anything at all, I will do my best to answer. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ......
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This... That...
2008-04-07 13:16:00
It seems as though I can't focus long enough to read separate blog posts about individual subjects, so I'm going to lump them all together:Have recently read Snakehead by Anthony Horowitz and Jinx by Meg Cabot, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed. I'm currently reading Perfume by Patrick Suskind, which I like, but it's not a book I can read for long periods of time. (Which is lucky, because I don't have long periods of time to do ANYTHING at the moment) On the lookout for what to read next. It snowed yesterday :) I was quite excited opening the curtains to see snow everywhere. We promptly took both boys out and took some lovely photos. Elliot thankfully didn't quite understand the concept of snowballs. Next year, I'm sure both Mommy and Daddy and CoshWA (as Elliot calls him) will be ambushed. Can't wait. Joshua is doing well. His feeding is still a bit erratic, but he's putting on weight nicely. I'm in the process now of applying for his US citizenship and thinkin...

More mom stuff
2008-04-04 12:40:00
Because of all this baby stuff going on, there is a lot I'm not writing about that I normally would. But this post reminded me of something pretty major that happened. Regular readers will remember that I recieved a package from my mother awhile back. It was the first contact I'd had from her since Elliot was born. She'd moved apartments and changed phone numbers without telling me. After I recieved her package I wrote her this long 6 page letter pouring out all of my feelings and telling her all the important things that had happened in the last two years and opened up about how I felt about certain things that had happened in my childhood. I never had the courage to send the letter, and it's still tucked into my notebook and buried in a box in my bedside table. But luckily and surprisingly a month ago, I managed to speak to my aunt, my mom's youngest sister online and she gave me my mother's telephone number. I called for a week at different times and there was no answ...
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Birth Story
2008-04-02 15:56:00
On the day Joshua was born, it was a Thursday, and as usual, I went to toddler group with Elliot in the morning. There was another lady there who was due around the same time as me, and we were both complaining about how uncomfortable we were, but even though we both wished that our babies were born early, we were giving up hope that they would. I had resigned myself to the fact that my baby wouldn't be born until my actual due date and came home and had a nap. When I woke up from my nap at 2 o'clock, I had my first contraction. And another one. And another one. Luckily Elliot was taking an enormously long nap and was still asleep. I called N and told him not to panic or rush, but that my contractions had started and things were happening. They were still irregular at this time, so he managed to finish his work day and did our weekly food shoppping before he came home. During that time I managed to feed Elliot a snack, get my hospital bags together, get Elliot's overnight...
More About: Story , Birth

Newborn chaos
2008-03-29 21:47:00
I keep meaning to sit down and write Joshua's birth story. More so for me, so I don't forget all the details. But everytime I sit down to write it, I remember there's another load of laundry that should be done, or the bottles to be sterilized. I'll remember that I haven't spent enough time playing with Elliot or I'll realise that'll be the one time during the day that I might have to take a nap. And so, I keep putting it off. It'll be done one of these days, I'm sure. For now - my two favourite photos so far.
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Elliot and Joshua
2008-03-25 11:17:00
All is well here in the Fluttering Butterfly House - just adjusting to life with a newborn. There is so much I've forgotten. I forgot how tiny newborns can be. I forgot how often they need to be changed. I forgot about all those aches and pains that are still there after labour is over and done with. But at least Elliot is coping all right. For the most part. He is acting up a lot more, but I think it's more down to his age rather than a lack of attention or jealousy on his part. He likes giving 'Bosswa' big kisses and pats on the head and he's been quite helpful getting the changing mat out and handing mommy cushions or the muslin square.And just look how sweet they are together. Elliot gives Baby Joshua two thumbs up! Everyone kept asking if Joshua looks like Elliot did, and I kept saying no, I didn't think so - until N found the two photos of the brothers looking almost identical! They could be twins born 2 years and 4 months apart! I really do have gorgeous sons!

Welcome to the world, Baby Boy!
2008-03-22 11:50:00
Hours after my last status update, my contractions started. Joshua Christopher was born at 11:54 pm on Thursday, 20 March after 7 hours of labour and weighed 6lbs exactly. We are both well. More later.
More About: Baby , World , The World , Baby Boy

Status update
2008-03-20 12:42:00
I am at the end of my 38th week of pregnancy. The baby's head is fully engaged and I am fully uncomfortable. Stay tuned for more.
More About: Update , Status

Still no baby
2008-03-18 13:11:00
This was post is brought to you by the number 4 and Kate, who tagged me ten million years ago. I'm so lazy. Four jobs I've held: Fast food employee at Arby's Head of book department at WHSmith Supervisor at Books Etc Stay-at-home mother Four movies I've watched over and over again: The Wizard of Oz Gone With the Wind Say Anything You've Got Mail Four places I've been: Hawaii Prague New York Los Angeles Four places I've lived: Alaska (Juneau and Anchorage) Oregon (Medford and Eugene) Hounslow (Londonish) Where I live now Four TV shows I watch: ER Friday Night Lights One Tree Hill Heroes (a bit rubbish this season) Four radio shows I listen to: Wow. I really don't listen to ANY radio shows. Though sometimes N listens to Chris Evans on Radio 2 during dinner, does that count? Four things I look forward to: My new baby Driving without fear The summer Easter chocolates Four favourite foods: Right now? It's chocolate Cake or pie Brownies Doughnuts (but I think th...
More About: Baby

New baby worries and a poll of sorts
2008-03-14 11:05:00
I've been looking at a lot of Elliot's newborn photos lately in an attempt to remind myself what it was like to have a newborn in the house. I thought maybe it might not be such a shock to the system when I do have this baby. I'm glad we took photos of Elliot every single day, because there's so much I don't remember, even after just 2 years. So many different facial expressions, the way he cried was different, the way he smiled. And he was so impossibly small. But there will be so many differences this time around. Gone will be the time I used to spend in between Elliot's feeds reading a book or napping. I'm worried that I'll be tired all the time and impatient with Elliot. I'm worried that I'll continuously snap at Elliot and be constantly grouchy and that Elliot will come to resent me and the baby. I worry that I won't have enough time for the both of them and that I won't be able to find the right balance. I worry that I won't be very good at being a mother to two c...
More About: Baby , Poll

Let's Play a Game
2008-03-10 23:05:00
I'm tired of obsessing over the arrival of Baby Number 2, so I've nicked this game from Keris and Ms Mac ... please, please play along. Here are the rules:Pick fifteen of your favourite movies.Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.Post them here for everyone to guess.Strike it out when someone guesses correctly in the comments, and put who guessed it and the movie.NO Googling or using IMDb search functions.1.If I said I was madly in love with you you'd know I was lying.2. Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila... er, phila... er, yes, er, Good Deed Doers.3. The man likes to play chess; let's get him some rocks. The Shawshank Redemption got by Ms Mac4. I have been chosen. Farewell, my friends. I go to a better place. Toy Story got by Kate 5. Why do you hate me so much? How could you tell the only person in the world that I love, that I care about so much, how could you tell him to stay away from me? Do you think tha...
More About: Play , Game

Bad blogger
2008-03-09 23:01:00
I haven't been blogging lately. You may have noticed. It's partly laziness and partly this slight cold I've been dealing with for the last few days. I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and can have this baby at any moment. For weeks I've been hoping he'd come really soon and now I'm thinking I don't have the strength for the labour when my body aches, I'm coughing and have a blocked nose. Maybe I need a little more time to relax before this house dives into chaos. We finally got our double pushchair last week. I wanted to assemble it and take a photo, but I felt exhausted halfway through and gave up and N had to chuck all the bits into the garage to get them out of the way. Everyone keeps asking if we have everything ready for the newborn's arrival and I'm starting to get paranoid that we don't. But I think we do. Easter is coming up and I'd love to organise an Easter egg hunt and lovely fun Easter-y things to with Elliot, but the idea also makes me feel very tired. It's...
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Elliot's favourite things, photo edition:
2008-03-05 12:57:00
As everyone should already know, I am obsessive about taking photos of Elliot and have taken photos of Elliot every single day of his life. That's two years and three months of photos. It's something I enjoy doing, and will continue to do when the Second Baby is born. With both children. Anyway, here is photographic evidence of Elliot's current favourite things:1. First we have the park. Apart from the freak five minute snowfall we had the other morning, it's gotten almost warm enough to make regular park trips. Elliot loves the swings and the slide and the seesaw. What 2 year old doesn't? I don't go often enough to the park, but I really should. 2. Next, could be 'playing with friends' or 'birthday parties' but it's on the list, because Elliot loves to point and laugh. Photo number 2 is of Elliot's response to another kid at a party falling over. I blame N, who finds it all very amusing. 3. I chose this photo, because Elliot's most reoccuring favourite thing...
More About: Things , Edition

For lack of a better photo
2008-03-03 21:54:00
Finally, another bump shot. When N took this photo he actually said I don't look as large as normal, and it's true. Maybe it's the position I'm sitting in. And I told him he could just focus on my belly, but he didn't, which is why the photo came out so terribly. I am the least photogenic person in the entire world. But here I am, this last weekend, just entering my 36th week of pregnancy. Here's hoping the last 4 weeks fly by incredibly quickly.
More About: Photo , Lack

Happy Mommy's Day
2008-03-02 22:18:00
It's Mothers Day here in England, and I've had a great day. Elliot has been sweetly saying 'happy mommy's day' since this morning. We went out for a yummy breakfast, I had a nice 2 hour long nap... flowers, card, an 'Elliot' elephant. It's nice to have a day to relax and be pampered a little, especially in these last few weeks of pregnancy. I hope everyone had a great weekend, just like me!
More About: Happy

Where I'm At
2008-02-29 11:12:00
Little Boy has an ear infection that's quite painful for him and every half an hour or so he starts crying and needs me to kiss his ear for him. I'm almost 4 weeks until my due date and feeling impatient (and massive). I'm reading a book that I detest, and am annoyed that the blurb on the back of the book says it's meant to be 'humourous' and 'uplifting'.I'm behind in all my housework (and am beyond caring).I'm craving chocolate, salty food and McDonald's burgers. I have at least 10 unanswered emails in my Inbox but the thought of answering them right now depresses me.Even though my bump is not very large, I find that none of my clothes fit me. I'm just so tired.

Family
2008-02-25 11:13:00
Because I'm a little lacking in the blog-worthy posts these days, I present to you .. more treasure: my parents. Here we have my father's high school graduation photo from 1965 and a photo of my mom taken back in 1997. I'm really glad to have both photos in my possession as so many photos got lost or misplaced with all the moving that we did as a family. When I moved to England I forgot to take ANY photographs with me and my dad sent me what he could. Family is something that means a lot to me, and it makes me sad that the little family that N and I have is spread out over so many different continents and none of us are as close as I'd like us to be. Maybe that's part of the reason that I always wanted a large family. To make up for something that I felt I lost as a child. I never really got to know either set of my grandparents, I'm not particularly close to any aunts and uncles or cousins, and that was something that I wanted for Elliot and my children. I hope that the relat...

Finding treasure
2008-02-22 13:53:00
For no apparent reason, I decided this morning to look through some old 'memory boxes' in the garage. I've been keeping memory boxes since I was a teenager to combat my swiss-cheese memory. I have a rotten time remembering things that happened, even major events. The details just slip straight out of my head. Anyway. I came across the most amazing things in those boxes. Letters that N and I had written to each other before I moved to England, old cinema tickets, keychains and postcards from holidays we'd taken. Menus from restaurants we visited, arcade tickets and coins, my old namebadge from when I worked at Arby's, friend's wedding invitations. The bus timetable from back in Eugene, some Disneyland dollars, all of our wedding cards, a sticker collection I had when I was little. Oh it was some great stuff. And then there were the photos. I'm too tired to scan them all in now, but I found my high school prom photos, photos of me as a child, my dad's high school graduation ph...
More About: Treasure

A random regret
2008-02-20 18:07:00
I don't know why I thought of it, but I recently remembered something that happened when I was maybe 15. I was still living at home, but it was a very tense atmosphere. I always felt like there was a clear division of rooms in the house, where each family member could safely go. My dad has his bedroom and one living room. My brother and I had each of our rooms and the other living room was shared. The kitchen was neutral territory. We steered clear of each other and rarely spoke. I used the computer most often or holed myself away in my room all the time, reading a book. I was already failing school and covering my tracks with a lot of lying. My dad, bless him, made a last-ditch attempt to revive our ailing father-daughter relationship by suggesting one Friday, that he and I took a road-trip. Why don't we drive down to San Francisco just the two of us and catch a musical? It did sound nice. But I said no. I didn't like the idea of being away from my beloved chatrooms fo...
More About: Random , Therapy , Regret

What I've Been Reading
2008-02-18 10:21:00
Thank you all for your recommendations to my previous post about what I should read next. I did write them all down, and I do take recommendations very seriously and will definately get around to them. I've since been to the library twice, the first time I did see one or two titles that someone said I should read but because I was an idiot and forgot to return the books I already had checked out, I couldn't take but 2-3 books out in total. The second time I got a little carried away checking out titles on the 1001 Books To Read Before You Die list, of which I am currently up to a whopping 83/1001. Here's the list though:The Gum Thief by Douglas Coupland, I started this book, and then when N came home from work he promptly stole this off my bedside table. Perhaps I'll read it when he's finished then. Pretties by Scott Westerfeld, the sequel to Uglies, which I read last year for Books. Lists. Life's Dystopian Reading Challenge. Finished in almost one sitting.Youth by JM Coetzee,...

The day after
2008-02-15 13:16:00
I hope everyone had a fantastic Valentine's Day! I know I did. Around these sort of days I wish I could write more about N and how wonderful he is to me, but I don't. I'm not great with the public displays of affection and a sappy blog entry is just not me. He's kind of private and won't let me post a photo, so I will respect that. But I was very spoiled on Valentine's Day this year, with flowers and chocolate, a handmade card, dinner out at a local Italian restaurant and a beautiful heart-shaped necklace. I don't need a special day in the year to remind me how much love I have in my life, but it definately helps. I am lucky in so many ways.

My summer project
2008-02-14 09:53:00
When we moved into this house over a year ago, I knew there were things that would have to be done to make it a house that makes us happy. One of those things, is the back garden. It's not as large as we'd like, and in no way is it child-friendly. And with Elliot being so energetic and active, it seems a waste to not be able to just throw open the back door and let him run free. Which is why the back garden is my summer project! Wish me luck, here's a list of what needs to happen.1) We need to find a new home for the sorry pond fish in that garden pond. Because we're going to fill it up. We considered putting a little fence around it to make it child-friendly, but who were we kidding? We're too lazy to look after the little things and I'm surprised they're still alive. 2) Next, we have to get rid of that filthy roof-bit on top of our decking. Not only is it disgusting to look at, it also blocks any light into my kitchen window. Then we'll have to put a little bannister aroun...
More About: Summer , Project

High school dropout and the lessons I learned
2008-02-13 11:23:00
I'm a high school dropout. That's a very hard thing for me to admit. I was always really good at school. I tested well, was in advanced placement classes. Once, for my birthday, I asked to go to summer school. I was never a teacher's pet, but usually the teacher's favourite. I studied a lot, got good grades and generally enjoyed going to school. But I hit a rough patch in high school. I was still reeling from my parent's divorce, I had quite a few abandonment issues, control issues and in my depression, I stopped attending classes. Stopping finishing school projects or doing my homework. In the fall of 2000, as I was starting my fourth year of high school, I was informed that because of my failing grades I was still considered a sophomore. It was easy for me to lie to my father. It was easy to sneak my report cards out of the mailbox and hide them. It was easy for me to tell my dad I was still getting As and Bs. But what surprised me is how easy the rest of it was ...
More About: School , High School , High , Therapy , Lessons

First sunny weekend...
2008-02-11 22:37:00
And we made the most of it, by taking a really long walk around some gorgeous lakes in the area. Here are a couple of the best shots. We took Elliot's tricycle with us, but it seems he is unable to use the pedals OR steer for himself, so N and I (mostly N!) took turns pushing him. I'm really looking forward to sunnier, warmer weather as there are so many outdoorsy places to visit in the area, lots of parks and petting zoos and places to feed the ducks. What are you most looking forward to doing this summer?
More About: Weekend , Sunny