Mommy off the RecordMommy off the RecordA humorous look at new motherhood by a new mom trying to figure it all out. Join me for a virtual margherita, and let’s talk about the stuff we might not bring up at our little one’s playgroup for fear that the other moms might look at us weird. Articles
Today May Be Harder on Me Than It Is on Him
2007-09-04 16:42:00 (Perfect Post awarded below) Today is a big day for Little Guy. It's his first day at daycare. Actually, it's not technically his first day. His first day at daycare was when he was 3 1/2 months old. I still remember dropping him off in the infant room. There was only one teacher there because it was still very early and she was busy changing another baby's diaper. I had to leave Little Guy
Rebalancing
2007-03-13 08:00:00 I don't know how to really begin this post so I'm going to just go ahead and say it: I'm taking a break from blogging. Probably a long break. Possibly a permanent break. I've been feeling the need to do this for a while now. Without going on and on about all the reasons why, I will just say that the main reason is that I just don't feel that I have time to blog anymore. The truth is that I never More About: Alan , Reba , Balan
Randomness that has nothing whatsoever to do with vomiting, I swear
2007-03-08 19:15:00 Being home sick from work this week and with Little Guy taking refuge at my parents' house, I have had little more to do with my time than watch TV. So I feel that I can say without a doubt that there is a dearth of good programming on during the day. A dearth. I guess I could pick up an actual book and read but that would entail too much energy on my part. There's just something nice about lying More About: Randomness , Random , With , What , Hat
Un-fucking-believable
2007-03-07 17:11:00 Sometimes words just have to be punctuated by a "fuck" every now and then, you know? Like when you go for three days feeling completely normal and think your morning sickness is over and you even post about it, hip-hip-hooraying all over the place, just to wake up this morning and puke again. Granted, one puking session is no big deal considering I was sick all day previously. However, it has me More About: Fucking , King
I'm Doin' the Dance of Joy
2007-03-06 19:55:00 Despite the fact that I've been running a fever since Saturday... Despite the fact that I can't breathe through my nose and my head feels like it's going to explode every time I cough... Despite the fact that my eyes and squinty and watery and my body aches... Despite the fact that I threw up four times in the middle of the food court at the mall on Saturday (yes, OMG, I did)... Yes, despite More About: Dance , The D
You're Still Here?
2007-02-28 05:21:00 I am still amazed that you are reading my blog. Why are you here? You shouldn't be coming. I have been a bad blogger and haven't been visiting or leaving comments for weeks. I feel very guilty about this. I want to say more about it, but I'm too tired. And I have to go to bed. Even though it's only 8:15. So, can someone tell me how people blog while they're pregnant, or right after they've had a More About: Stil , Here , Still
Now that I've Covered Penises, Let's Talk about Balls
2007-02-15 03:00:00 You know, just when I couldn't think of what to get the Hubby for Valentine's Day that he didn't already have...I come across the perfect gift. The Ball Scratcher for Executive Gentlemen From the website: "The Executive Ball Scratcher is every gentleman's executive dream. Ball Scratcher's do the one job that the executive gentleman has to do himself: Scratch their balls!" Cuz scratching More About: Hat , About , Talk , Balls , Cover
I got nothin' against your penis, but...
2007-02-14 01:35:00 I’ve been thinking that we might want to stop at 2. Two kids that is. I don’t know if I want to go through pregnancy again. Yeah, I’m a lightweight. Whatever. Yesterday I puked up some blood. Nothing serious. I guess that’s what happens when you’re puking all the time. But, but, but….[insert whiny voice here] I just don’t want to go through this morning sickness thing again. Evah! I mean, I More About: Your , Again , Penis
ROFL Awards - January
2007-02-09 09:00:00 Edited to add: I've added three new awardees since the original post. They're at the top of the list. Yay! It's time for the ROFL Award s . And just in time too...this blog is in desperate need of some humor! Congrats to all the awardees. (If you're not sure where to start, I have starred (**) my favorite posts from the list below. Enjoy!) i obsess awarded The Eleventh Life, the Universe More About: War , January , Ward
Untitled
2007-02-07 02:41:00 Toliet water splashes up into my face. God. I have to work on my technique. Note to self: barfing closer to the bowl causes less splashing. Yes, that’s it. Don’t forget. I have become familiar with this position. Two arms lying across the edges of the toilet seat, head down in the bowl. Sometimes I welcome it. Barfing brings 20 minutes of relief. Guaranteed. It’s 8:00am. And my third trip to More About: Title
Somebody, Stop the Insanity
2007-02-02 05:49:00 "[T]he U.S. is one of only five countries out of 173 in the survey that does not guarantee some form of paid maternity leave; the others are Lesotho, Liberia, Swaziland and Papua New Guinea." In light of this shocking statistic, something must be done, right? I know! Let's consider scaling back our already way-too-generous unpaid (gag) family leave benefits. WTF? Are some lawmakers actually More About: Body , Stop , Insanity , Some
Soccer, Baby!
2007-01-30 18:26:00 If there’s anything that I am not these days, it’s athletic. I can barely pull myself off the couch and when I do, it’s usually to get myself a snack. (Heh) However, back in the day -- way back in the day -- I used to be pretty active. My favorite sport was soccer, which I played for 12 years recreationally. So when I had the opportunity to review AthleticBaby ’s new soccer DVD, I was excited. More About: Soccer
Ode to a Husband from His Pregnant Wife
2007-01-24 02:32:00 Love was…holding hands while watching a movie. Love is… holding my hand while I’m feeling sick. Love was… taking me out to a fancy restaurant. Love is…taking me to my prenatal appointments. Love was…bringing me breakfast in bed on a special occasion. Love is… making me toast and jam every morning so I (maybe) won’t puke in the toilet. Love was…picking me a flower. Love is…picking me up from More About: Band , Usb , Wife , Pregnant , Husband
It’s just that your bladder is not meant to be squeezed out by your uteru
2007-01-19 01:15:00 12:00am wake up to pee 2:00 am wake up to pee 3:30 am wake up to pee 4:30 am wake up to pee 5:30 am wake up to pee (false alarm) 6:30 am wake up to pee I’m not above wearing an adult diaper to bed. It may have to come to that. Edited to add: Special note to all you preggos out there! I just learned something interesting. If you drink MORE water during the day, you'll actually pee less at night More About: Just , Hat , Your , That , Bladder
Mother Shower
2007-01-17 22:54:00 I know this girl. She’s around 20 years old. She’s pregnant. She’s my cousin’s girlfriend. She and I barely know each other. We’ve only met once. But she seems like a nice girl. And she’s very pretty. Beautiful even. Not that that’s what matters, but she is. Dark hair, porcelin skin, like a doll. And she seems to be excited and happy about her pregnancy. This girl is having a baby shower soon. More About: Other , Show , Mother , Howe , Shower
The Grind
2007-01-12 00:41:00 7:00am Wake up feeling sick. Rue the morning. Call out to Husband. Need food –quick. 7:05am Roll over in bed to eat the breakfast he offers me. Eat lying down. Feel temporary relief. Sit up. 7:20am Drag myself into the bathroom to pee. Accidentally breathe through my nose while washing my hands. Feel like I’m going to puke from the smell of the soap. Resume composure after a few dry More About: Grind , Grin , The G
ROFL Awards - December
2007-01-09 09:00:00 Another month of funny blog posts for your reading pleasure! Congratulations to all the winners! p.s. Oh the Joys, please stop paying people to vote for you. That's really not fair and compromises the integrity of these awards. OK, kidding!! I know you didn't pay anyone to vote for you. You are just one funny woman. You kick butt. If you guys aren't reading this lady yet, check out her winning More About: Awards , War , Award , Ward , December
Warning: Delusional Preggo on the Loose in California
2007-01-08 00:27:00 In follow-up to my post last week, this is an update on how I seriously kicked some college students' butts yesterday... Or not. OK. This is pretty embarrasing, but I trust that I won't get made fun of (that much) and I guess I have to blog about it because I owe you an update on this. So, as you may recall, on Friday I was planning to go over to confront the college frat boy perps who knocked More About: California , War , Cali , Warning , Sion
Weekend Wrap-Up
2007-01-06 06:02:00 Just a couple bloggy-related announcements for today.... Announcement #1: Great Opportunity to Get Free Stuff and Market Your Blog! Julie and Kristen have recently launched a new website called The Parent Bloggers Network. This new Network is bringing together parent bloggers with PR firms and companies that would like to market their products through parenting blogs. The Parent Bloggers More About: Weekend , Week , Wrap
You Mess with My Shrubbery, You Mess with Me
2007-01-05 06:48:00 When I was in college, I did my fair share of partying. I mean, I wasn't a crazy party animal or anything, but I did meet Mr. MotR at a Pimps and Hos costume party. 'Nough said. So I can appreciate the college days of drunken debauchery. I can appreciate kids just wanting to have fun and letting loose a little. I can especially appreciate this on New Year's Eve. I mean, that is the biggest party More About: With , Rubber , Mess
Upon Sharing the Pregnancy News with the Fam
2007-01-04 02:14:00 Scene: Christmas Day Me: Well, mom and dad, we got you a present but it won’t be here until August. Mom: Why will it take so long? Me: Well, it takes a while to "make" the present. like 9 months – hint hint Mom: Oh, what is it?? She didn’t get it. Me: Well, I'll just say this. It has to be ordered way in advance and we didn't get around to ordering it until just recently. Dad: Wait! More About: News , Pregnancy , With , Upon , Ring
New Year's News
2007-01-02 09:00:00 Wow. I feel like I've been gone an eternity. I think that two weeks without blogging is the equivalent of an eternity in blogger days! I hope that everyone had a nice Christmas or Hanukkah. I feel that it's about time to get a new post up because a) I can't stand looking at the Hoff one more second and 2) I have some news I want to share... The picture is a bit fuzzy, but there are definitely More About: News , New Year , Year
Meltdowns and Merry Christmases
2006-12-21 18:01:00 Have you ever seen a grown woman cry? Yes? Well, of course you have. How about a grown woman blogger? Have you ever seen a grown woman blogger cry while composing a blog post? It is a very sad sight indeed. But when you've spent over an hour writing a post and you are very close to hitting publish when you somehow DELETE the entire post accidentally. And you can't find an "undo" button to get More About: Christmas , Christ , Chris , Down , Mase
Toddler Lunaticitis: Tales from the Darkside (Tale #1 in a Series)
2006-12-19 09:00:00 Like many of you, I love to read. Love. to. read. I majored in English so I could read for fun during college. I like to hang out in the libary. If I had to choose between reading and having sex, I'd probably choose reading half the time. (No offense to Husband. It's me. Not you.) I know that most, if not all, of you can relate to this love of literature because bloggers are writers and writers More About: Series , Dark , Citi , Tales , Luna
Thinking Positive
2006-12-15 09:00:00 Question: How do you know when something really GREAT is about to happen to you? Answer: When you come home from work to find out that your cat has been shitting and pissing in the corner of your cedar-lined closet. On top of your dry-clean only bag of dirty clothes. For what looks like a good three days. Why is this a good thing? Because I just know that all my karma debts have been cashed More About: Think , King , Positive , Thinking , Posi
About the ROFL Awards
More articles from this author:2000-10-10 08:35:00 Have you recently read a blog post that was so funny that you... a) laughed out loud? b) spit out your coffee? c) chocked on your twizzlers? d) fell off your chair? Well, if so, then they probably deserve a ROFL Award ! The Rolling on the Floor Laughing (R.O.F.L) Awards are a monthly blogger award presented by bloggers to bloggers for some of the funniest posts on the Internet. Nominations are More About: War , About , Ward 1, 2, 3 |
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