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When God Made Me
2008-04-15 03:48:00
I hid from New York last Tuesday. I spent the day with a friend. We ate lunch and then chugged bloody marys for most of the afternoon, then sat in her backyard and finished a bottle of wine. The sun was out. I could hear the sounds of the street faintly, and some distant construction clattering. But it all seemed worlds away to me at the moment. It was a late-day sun, glowing yellow against the brick of the buildings that surrounded us. It's still early in the year, so the air was a bit biting, and trees and shrubs were still bare. It all seemed very vivid and precise to me, a far cry from the numbing clutter, noise, and shuffle of the city. It could have been my state of mind at the time that made me feel this way. Or, it could have just been the booze. "I feel like I am in another country right now," I said. I was reclining. I was relaxed. I was completely content and happy. "Where are we?" "I don't know," she said. "I'd love to be in Italy. Or Paris!" I thoug...
More About: Made

I'll Do This One Myself
2008-04-09 06:19:00
Why am I afraid all the time? Well, not afraid exactly. That's the wrong word. Why am I unwilling to do things? Oh, I am willing to do a lot of things, sure. Sleep, eat, drink, talk, and so on. But things that actually impact my life? That takes so much nudging. If having what I want is just a simple as going out and doing it, then why can't I just---Are you belly-aching about that same old garbage again, Chaim?Wha? Look, it's not whining. I'm just having myself a think, okay?-Yeah? Well, you've been having this "think" pretty frequently, and it's starting to really wear on me. Will you just shut the hell up already and get on with your life?But that's just the point! If you were listening, the problem is that I can't get on with my life.-Well, I am sure you could if you spent less time talking and more time actually doing things.But the more things I do, the more opportunities I'll give myself to make mistakes. And, mistakes... mistakes are messy, they are---M...

Time, Coast to Coast
2008-04-02 11:19:00
In California, time is long.New York time is short.In California, the days stretch out like landscapes to explore, distances to travel.New York time is like a popsicle in summer, delightful to have in hand at first, but sure to disappear quickly, regardless of whether or how it is used. In California, time is what you make of it.New York time breaks you down, and creates you again in its own image.In California, I used to say that I did not believe in time, not as a real, relevant force, but rather saw it as a human construct. I chose to concern myself with it only to the extent that I needed to, and no more. New York time is even more arrogant than I was.
More About: Time , Coast

My Glorious Trip to the Strand
2008-03-12 04:47:00
One of my eccentricities is that I insist on feeling productive in whatever I do. This does not mean that I actually have to be productive, but only that I must finish tasks so that I can show myself at the end of the day that things were accomplished. So, for example, if I want to spend my entire day writing, I prefer to spend a few hours writing in one place, and then a few more in another, and then another, until I have made it up to at least three or four. This makes me feel that the day was more productive, even if I would have written the same number of pages had I sat in one location.This is why I despise rainy days. A cold and windy rainy day in New York City is really a degrading thing to participate in, and many of my instincts tell me that I should just spend such days at home if I don't have to go in to work. But I cannot do such a thing. It was about one week ago. It was rainy, windy and cold, and I had a day off stretching out before me. Panicked, I told mysel...
More About: Trip , Strand

Apology Accepted
2008-03-08 08:12:00
The City has been wringing me like a sponge. I work 12-hour days and do a substantial amount of work-oriented things on my days off as well. I work like a salaried worker, but on an hourly wage. Normally, this kind of work is not an issue for me, but having time to write is what gives me energy. When there's no time to write, no room, I get fatigued quickly. This has been building. Things came to a head at work the other night. I left there very angry. What made me angry isn't important. All you need to know is that I was angry, and had visions of breaking stuff, of doing drastic things. If my emotional state sounds like it was extreme, all I can say in my defense is that New York has a way of heightening emotions and tensions. When the City's energy doesn't pick you up, it courses through you like bad medicine.I got a sandwich on my way to the train. Usually I have time to wolf it down on the platform before the 2 arrives, but the train was pulling in just as I was d...
More About: Apology

Retirement Notice
2008-02-19 09:07:00
To Whom It May Concern:It is my pleasure to announce my impending retirement from the workforce. Many people speak fondly of the idea of retiring at a young age, but few people actually get to live the dream. Well, after 10 long years of busting my ass for a few measly bucks, I've decided that it's time to move on and try to find something to do with my time that's a little more rewarding. Humiliating myself day after day for absolutely no overall material gain has finally lost its lustre.I'm tired. Tired of ambitiously sucking up to the boss. Tired of being punished for *not* ambitiously sucking up to the boss. Tired of cheating myself out of sleep to do things I actually want to do. Tired of working really hard and still being piss poor all the time. Mostly, though, I'm just tired of being tired.Don't worry about me: I've managed to save plenty of money over the years. At the ripe old age of 25, after ten years of backbreaking work, I have enough money in my accoun...
More About: Retirement , Notice

Customer Service (Or, "No, I do not need any help!")
2008-02-08 13:33:00
I really have a problem with customer service. To sum it up, I like to shop and browse in peace, free from input and guidance until I let it be known that I need some. I do not wish to be pestered.I'll give you an example. There's a popular international cosmetics chain that has several branches here in New York. They claim to be unisex, but the truth of the matter is that there are really only a few items there that I would feel comfortable having someone find in my bathroom. One of these items is an absolutely amazing shaving cream. I mean, this stuff is hands-down the best shaving product I have ever used. As someone who hates to shave, I find it very important to treat myself to the best products possible, since I have to shave every damned morning for my job. Now, I suppose it is possible there might be a few other products in this store that I'd like to use, but I don't think I'll ever have a chance to find out. Why? Because the staff makes it so unpleasant for m...
More About: Customer Service , Service , Customer

Quiet Inside
2008-02-07 12:40:00
When I woke up this morning something just wasn't quite right with me. It happens sometimes. I wake up and I am not right. I'm not saying I'm wrong. Only that I'm off-kilter. Not myself. Well, wait, that's not really the right way of putting it. I'll try to explain.I don't consider myself to be the most extroverted person. I used to be one, but as time has gone by I've become much more of a quiet loner. If I am around good company, I'll open up. And I'm sure that I have customers at my bar fooled with my big voice and animated gestures. But it's when I am not working, and when I am not around friends, when I am all alone that I feel most like myself. Contrary to what might seem obvious, I am at my most active when I am alone. My thoughts race. I begin to order, and then to re-order, all of the things that I hope to accomplish in the immediate future. I tell myself stories that I plan to write down. I think about history; my own, as well as ancient history....
More About: Inside , Quiet

Cleaning Up
2008-02-06 06:46:00
Two months seems to be my limit. By this, I mean that it's just about how long I can manage to go without blogging here before guilt finally takes over and I break down and get it done.I woke up this morning, took a look around my room, and realized that I was in desperate need of a change. The place was a mess. (Imagine the infamous Darth Vader "Nooooooooooo!" scene from Revenge of the Sith, and you'll have a pretty good idea of how I was feeling at that moment.) Now it is late in the evening, and I have whipped my living area into shape. The order that surrounds you can have a drastic effect on what order your mind is in. Once I had finished with the room, I realized that my work had only just begun. My neat, clean little room held me to a higher standard. Now I'm catching up on my correspondence. Just a few more emails, and I'll be ready to retire for the night. And then I also saw that this blog was hanging over my head, and I got back to it.So, it's good to be ba...
More About: Cleaning

Troubles Over My Name Never Cease
2007-12-03 10:34:00
GIRL #1: [receives drink] Thanks. What's your name?CHAIM: It's "Chaim."GIRL #1: Oh, Hi Hines!GIRL #2: Ugh! It's not "Hines," you idiot! It's "Hine."GIRL #1: Oh. Sorry Hine.DUDE WITH GIRLS: Hey, what was your name?CHAIM: It's "Chaim."GIRL #1: Oh! Kline!That one was from this past evening. Here's a good one from the night before:GUY: [receives drink] Thanks. What's your name?CHAIM: It's "Chaim."GUY: Ah! Chaim.CHAIM: Exactly. Wow, your pronunciation is excellent.GUY: Hey, thanks. That's a traditional Arab name, isn't it? You don't look Arab...Ahhh... Although things like this are commonplace, I actually experience less trouble with my name at this new job than I have any any single job I have ever worked at before. A refreshing majority of my customers are quite familiar with the origin and correct pronunciation of my name. It's marvelous. I am sorry that posts have been few and far between over the past few weeks. I am actually cooking up something that migh...

Hardcover or Paperback?
2007-11-16 06:38:00
For a long time, I was something of an extremist when it came to book covers, advocating a strict observance of "hardcover onlyism." Simply put, when I could help it, I refused to buy a paperback book. My reasoning was simple: Paperback s wear out easily, and hardcover books don't. I've long seen books as investments, and paperback books seemed to defeat the purpose of buying books at all. After spending some time in my bag as I go about my days, a paperback can get to looking pretty shabby by the time I'm only through reading it one time.I've advocated my position for a long time to anyone who would listen, and probably even to some people who certainly weren't interested in my personality quirks. Over the past few days, however, I have been reassessing my position, and have found reasons to believe that I haven't given paperbacks enough of a chance.My first inkling that something in hardcover-land might be amiss is when it dawned on my that I'm about to begin reading Ste...
More About: Hardcover

Moleskine Hack: Case for iPod Touch
2007-11-15 07:45:00
A couple of weeks ago, I became the proud owner of an iPod touch. This was after much deliberation and fiddling at the Apple Store in SoHo, and the (amazingly) 24-hour location in midtown. After consulting with myself for some time, I decided to spring for it and get one. Why? Because my old iPod is winding down and clearly getting ready to kick the bucket, I love the touchscreen, I want the benefits of a iPhone without a phone, and being able to check email on-the-go is key, since I refuse to become a laptop-lugger. I'd like to say that ending my deliberations and finally giving in to the urge to purchase such a treat brought on a feeling of calm and ease, but this is not the case. Although much has been made of the scratch-resistant nature of the touchscreen, I admit that I was not convinced, and once the purchase deliberations abated, possible-scratch anxiety settled in. I wasn't worried so much about it getting a scratch during use. When I am listening to music, I keep ...
More About: Ipod , Hack , Case , Touch

The Rat Was Very Big
2007-11-11 08:45:00
I tried coming up with all kinds of clever and sassy titles for this post, but none of them got my message across quite like this one.Anyway, I'll let the video do its thing:When I am old and gray, and my grandchildren gather round to ask ol' Grandpa Chaim what it was like to live in New York City, I am going to show them this video.Oh, don't worry, I'll show them other things, too, and tell them about all of the grand things that this great city has to offer. Yet, no description of New York City life could ever be complete without this video, or one a whole lot like it. It's one thing to live in a city with rats. All cities have them. Even the suburbs have got them. Every place where humans live has rats. But rats generally keep to the shadows. They stick to the attic. They raid the kitchen when the house is asleep. They huddle in the basement. They take siestas in the barn. Here in New York, however, we have special rats. It's hard to explain the quality that the...

Little Boy, How Old Are You?
2007-11-10 09:29:00
I've had the following exchange twice in the past week:CUSTOMER: How old are you?ME: I'm 24.CUSTOMER: You look like you're twelve!Yes, this is the exact exchange I had with two separate people on two separate nights. Aside from this, I've been asked how old I am probably no fewer than 50 times since I started my new job one month ago. And that's a conservative estimate.Why is this happening? Well, I am still trying to figure all of it out. I don't want to go into too many details about where I am working, only because it's rather unique, and even a basic explanation would give anyone with a brain enough information to find out where and what it is. This is disappointing, as it's going to limit how much I can say about the wacky shit that goes on at my job. For the sake of this post, however, I can at least tell you that it's rather formal. I wear a blazer, a white shirt, black pants, a tie... the whole deal. I'm expected to be clean-shaven every single day and ha...

I do not love trash, but I am still a Grouch
2007-10-27 08:10:00
Today was my last day off before embarking on my third exhausting 4-day cycle of nothing but work and sleep. I had gone to the wine store to pick up two bottles to take to a friend's house for dinner. I had gone to the dry cleaners to pick up my dry cleaning and my laundry. I carried all of these things, along with my usual bag, and my exasperatingly ineffective umbrella, through endless crowded subway tunnels and soggy, slimy city streets. I was sore, cranky, and tired. It was 5:45. When I got home, I saw this:What you are seeing here is a bag of garbage sitting in front of my neighbors' door. The photo was taken from my own doorway. As you can see, anything that is placed in front of the neighbor's door is, by definition, also in front of mine. If I had not been carrying a wide and heavy load, this bag would not have presented me with a problem, but given the number of things I was carrying, I actually had an even harder time cramming myself through my doorway than I w...
More About: Love , Trash

Missing, But Not Lost
2007-10-20 07:41:00
Hi everyone. I have a new job, and it's going to take me maybe another week before I figure out how best to balance my time. I'm still checking the comments here every day and appreciate those of you that are still stopping by even when there isn't a new post to read. Rest assured that I am planning to unleash some decent posts sometime in the next few days.A little about my job: It's a real bar. It's a relief to be working somewhere that people actually go to drink rather than a place they go to eat and yet accidentally happen to order a beer. The hours are long. My Sunday shift is 14 hours. I get off of work at half past 4 on some nights, and an hour earlier on others. My new game to play with myself is to see if I can get to bed before the sun comes up. I am winning the series so far, but there have been some close calls. The place is really upscale, and I find that the percentage of hooligans, morons, scumbags and classless jerks is significantly lower than it wa...
More About: Lost , Missing , Missi

The New York City Subway is a Wonderful Thing
2007-10-13 02:17:00
I shot this little bit of video the other day as I was waiting for the 'E' train at 53rd and Lexington. This platform is generally pretty quiet as long as there aren't any trains coming through. It was particularly quiet on that day, and I could hear very faint music as I walked onto the platform. I slowly walked along to the other end and heard the music grow steadily louder. At first, I could hardly make out a tune, but things became clearer as I grew closer. I started the video about 2/3 of my way down to the other end.The presence of musicians is only one element of the subway that I appreciate. I love that they are old. I love that they have not been added to in over 50 years. In a city that is always changing, the subways a reassuring constant. A station can be retiled, a brand new train can be put into service, but in the end it's the same old tunnels, the same rancid smell, the same routes, the same idiotic delays, the same deafening roar as the express train roa...
More About: New York , York , New York City , City , Subway

Paleolithic Chaim Takes Manhattan
2007-10-12 05:58:00
A few days ago, I outlined my plan for conquering the New York City bartending job market. Long story short, I decided that, obviously, the reason no one was taking what I had to offer was because I was too snappily dressed. I figured it would be better to dress like a homeless person, since it would make it appear as if I really needed the job. (Read the old post to grasp the full depth of my revelation.)So, my way of going about carrying out my plan was quite simple, really. First, I shredded up an old pair of jeans with an old razor. Then, I took them down to my local subway station and rubbed both sides of the jeans along the entire length of the downtown platform until they were nice and dirty. Then, I dumped a bottle of beer on them, pissed on them, and then sealed them in a plastic bag overnight before hanging them out on my fire escape to dry in the sun the next day.Luckily, I had on old pair of sneakers lying around, so all I really had to do was remove the laces and ...
More About: Manhattan , Chaim , Atta

Chaaaaaaange?!
2007-10-09 05:56:00
I was on the subway this evening on my way home, mostly feeling sorry for myself. I was sweaty and gross from a few hours of wandering around in the humid, stinky heat looking for work, and was looking forward to getting home and getting down to some relaxation. My body was on the 3 train, but my mind had drifted elsewhere. I had my headphones on, and Shawn Mullins sang a song about wonder during hard times. My eyes closed as I let the music take me away. When I opened my eyes again, I was quite startled to see a hand extended below it, and very close to my face. This was a calloused, filthy, gnarled-looking hand, and in the upturned palm I saw a few coins. My first thought was that some subway psychic had picked up my irrational anxieties about diving head-first into a sea of perpetually unemployed poverty, and was offering me some change to help out. When I raised my head, it became clear that this wasn't the case."Can you he'p me? Woman over there ga'e me seven cent. ...

A Filthy Swim Won't Wash Away My Job Search Blues
2007-10-06 07:25:00
I was standing in Trader Joe's earlier this evening doing some much-needed shopping after an aggravating day of looking for work. Shortly after I got in line, an older, bespectacled woman in front of me decided that small talk was appropriate."Great weather we are having, isn't it?" she said, smiling broadly.I could not wait to get home. My clothes had begun sticking to me a few hours earlier and I was feeling disgusting. "Actually," I said, "I don't agree. It's hot, muggy and stagnant. This is October. We should be having nice, dry, crisp fall days with a perfect blue sky. About 65 degrees sounds right.""Ah, you must not be from New York.""Well, I'm not. I'm fr--""--Because if you were, you would know this happens every year. First it gets cooler, and then, just before it gets really cold, we have another week of warmth. It's called 'Indian summer.'""Hmm, well, I guess I don't mind the warmth. What I can't stand is the humidity.""Oh, you should stop your compl...
More About: Blues , Search , Swim , Wash

Every time the Yankees lose, an angel gets its wings
2007-10-05 06:23:00
In celebration of the Yankees ' hilarious 12-3 loss to the Cleveland Indians in the ALDS this evening, I bring you part of an email correspondence I had with my Father a couple of days ago. Observe the fact that I simply brought up his team in a friendly context, as a passing remark, and yet it was enough to... Well, you had better just read on. If this is not definitive proof that Yankees fans are in dire need of heavy medication and 'help' provided by a license professional (as I have always insisted), I don't know what more you could possibly be looking for:---Dad,....You watching baseball? Your Yanks are in the playoffs. Post-season starts on Wednesday...Chaim-If the Yankees do not win the series, I am writing you and yoursiblings out of the will. Forget the flully staffed yacht, the homesin Switzerland, Cabo St Lucas, Aspen and Jackson Hole, and you can alljust forget the collection of Maseratis, Lambourghinis, and vintageRolls Royces as well as the private jet. All of ...
More About: Time , Angel , Wings

Your Name, Please?
2007-10-03 05:48:00
I've noticed that it's becoming increasingly common for food service places to ask for a name when an order is taken. Starbucks often does this. Jamba Juice does it. I *hate* it. Why? Well, for one, my name is not easy for 99% of the people I meet to pronounce, or even hear correctly. Secondly, they aren't asking for a name for a very good reason. I mean, it's not as if they are trying to get to know me better. It's solely in order to make me feel like I am important to this mega-corporation that actually doesn't give a crap about me.Here's a typical exchange:CASHIER: Hello, WELCOME TO JAMBA!!! [They always scream this at the loudest possible volume. It seems to be company policy. They really need to stop this. I *know* what freaking store I walked into, and I can hear you fine if you use your inside voice.]ME: Uh, hi. Yeah. Let me get a sixteen-ounce [insert beverage].CASHIER: [suddenly quieter now] Would you like a free boost?ME: Yeah. Give me a [insert boos...

Words Out of Place
2007-10-01 05:24:00
I was standing in line at Trader Joe's down by Union Square today. Thankfully, the line was not 16 miles long like it usually is. It seemed that they were having a little difficulty with their checkout stands, for there weren't enough cash drawers available to go around to all of them. Because of this, the line monitor was asking each customer a simple question: "Excuse me, Sir (or Ma'am), is you paying with a Credit or Debit card today?"Normally I am accustomed to hearing unacceptable uses of words, and I realize that one man's improper English is another's dialect. I must say, however, that it's rare for me to hear "is" misused in this way when it's surrounded by a carefully worded and presented sentence. Clearly, this girl was trying to speak in a business-like tone; and, clearly, she was making it difficult for people to take her seriously.I've actually seen stuff like this on resumes before, as well. At all of the jobs I work, I always like to look over resumes th...
More About: Words , Place

Chance Encounters, Missed Connections
2007-09-30 06:50:00
Something unexpected happened to me the other day and it got me thinking about a few things.Living in a big city like New York, it's very easy to feel safely anonymous. I mean, there are 8 million people living here! Surely, I am practically invisible most of the time. And, being somewhat of a hermit by nature, I don't really know very many people here, even after living here for 2 years. There just aren't very many out of the 8 million who would recognize me walking down the street.I was walking down the street the other day and bumped into someone I know but hadn't seen in about a year. At first I was amazed it happened, but then I remembered that he lives at the end of the block we were on, so it wasn't so amazing after all. But, like I said, I don't bump into folks that frequently. Afterwards, I got to wondering how often it is that I am a block away from someone I know, or even browsing in the same store, or on the same train, and we never connect? Surely, it must ...
More About: Chance , Encounter , Chan , Connections , Encounters

Please Curb Your Child
2007-09-28 05:51:00
Hi,I am not sure if you remember me. When you went to meet your friend for coffee today, pushing your 3-year-old daughter in a stroller, you may not have noticed me. I was the guy in the corner, writing quietly in his notebook. I realize you probably didn't see me. After all, I wasn't taking up much room or making any noise, really. Let me see if I can give you some more details just in case you need your memory refreshed.After you and your friend took up both of the tables to my left and began visiting, I was the guy whose leg your daughter was kicking as she lay down under the table screaming, "Momma! MOMMA!"After you placed your stroller squarely between one of your tables and mine, I was the guy who had to wheel it out of the way, just so I could get out of my seat to go and use the bathroom. And do you remember shortly after that, when your daughter was spinning around on the floor with her legs and arms out wide, screaming, "Momma Momma LOOK AT ME I'm a top I'm a SPI...
More About: Child

Happiness is a Good Pen
2007-09-27 05:55:00
I have a confession to make: I love pens. I love pens almost as much as I love notebooks, and the ultimate joy comes from finding a perfect combination between the two. Writing by hand is still my favorite form of writing, if not the most productive, and things are always helped along enormously by the presence of a swell pen. (Yeah, I used "swell" in a sentence. You got something to say about it?) Today, after a marvelous session of writing at the absolutely fantastic Cafe Grumpy, I found myself in Staples staring at the pens.Those who know me know I am a browser. I can walk into a bookstore and emerge after three hours with just one book. Often, in those cases, I already knew what I was going in for, but just wanted to check every square inch of the shelves in case I found something else I wanted more. I've enraged many a friend when I've lingered in a bookshop or a CD store for over an hour only to emerge at the end of it having purchased nothing! But, surely, the aver...
More About: Happiness , Good

Sometimes Life Needs a Soundtrack
2007-09-26 05:50:00
Music has a way of growing on you. Or into you. You listen to it, you know it, you remember it, and it becomes a significant part of your life. Surely there have been many times when you have heard a particular song and thought, "Ah, now this takes me back!" If you were to produce a soundtrack for your life, perhaps one to accompany a film about you, what would be on it?In my experience, there have been two ways for a song to become a part of my personal soundtrack. The first way is rather straightforward. I heard a song enough during a short period that it became attached to my memories of the time. In the summer of 1999, when I was 16 years old (yeah, yeah, I know I'm young), two friends and I squeezed into a 1998 Mustang and drove around the western US for 30 days. We saw Oregon and Washington State. We saw Yellowstone and Zion National Parks. We saw my friend's relatives in Aspen, Colorado. We drove over the Rockies, and through the Teton Range. We took a short hike...
More About: Life , Soundtrack , Some , Needs

Needed a Break
2007-09-26 01:18:00
Hey everyone. I am still here. This is the longest time I've gone without posting since August, but I really needed a break. I got so enthusiastic about my blog that it was starting to consume me, and I was neglecting other things that needed to be done. But, I'm back now. Should have a fresh post ready sometime tonight.I went out looking for a job today, and was unsuccessful enough to make myself moderately discouraged. Then I wrote several pages of a short story and felt better instantly. I hope everyone is well.
More About: Break , Brea

My Love is a Tattered Notebook
2007-09-22 05:05:00
I spent the day in the park visiting with some old friends. I'm talking about my old, weathered notebooks from days gone by. When I was 17 years old, I began the practice of carrying a notebook with me everywhere. Each of the notebooks you see in the picture above was with me for practically every moment from the time I wrote in the first page until the time I finished off the last. All told, those four books chronicle more than seven years of my life.The first book, the one on the bottom of the stack, was with me for the longest. Amazingly, it took me four whole years to finish it. Four years of jotting journal entries and random thoughts, rough drafts of stories, and some really terrible poetry. On the other hand, the book on the top, the most recent one, took me only 6 months to finish. By that time, I had abandoned the all-in-one format. That book is filled only with journal entries from start to finish. By my estimate, it contains more than 60,000 words. What is it ab...
More About: Love , Notebook

Sherri Shepherd, Miss South Carolina, and Something Worse Than Stupidity
2007-09-21 01:31:00
A few weeks ago, a young woman named Caitlin Upton, also known as 2007's Miss South Carolina Teen USA, talked her way onto YouTube, as well as seemingly every current-events-based television program on the air. All she was asked was a simple question during the Miss Teen USA pageant. She was unable to give a simple answer. In case you missed it somehow, here's the clip:It became one of the most-watched YouTube videos of all time. The event inspired comedians. It inspired musicians. It inspired us to laugh. We all laughed. We pointed our fingers and mocked. We collectively looked down our noses and scoffed at Miss Upton. Why? Why did we do this? Because what she said was freakin' hilarious, that's why! But there's more to it than that. What she said was not only a mockery of the irrelevant joke that pageants are, but also a mockery of Americans that was, for once, safe for all of us to laugh at. It was safe because the vast majority of us feel that we are at least...
More About: Stupidity , South Carolina