MikeTheLawyer.comMikeTheLawyer.comA collaborative family law blog dedicated to resolving divorce and child custody disputes and preserving parent - child relationships. Articles
Quote of the Month: Gossip
2007-12-01 15:00:00 Gossip is the only sound that travels faster than sound. More About: Gossip , Quote , Month , Mont
Divorce Separates Dads from Their Children
2007-11-12 22:48:00 I hear them briefly through thin wire.Their smell is gone from the pillowcases.A visit this weekend will provide another snapshot, a touchWill we ever share the same ground?When will I ever be allowed to tell them stories over campfires of past warriors?O great spirit, give me strength to keep trying, for I love them so. Anyone who doesn't understand the pain divorce causes fathers has only to read this desperate plea by Douglas MacKay, a divorced father of three in Connecticut. I ran across this prayer in The Divorce d Dad's Survival Book: How to Stay Connected with Your Kids by David Knox with Kermit Leggett. With more than half the marriages in America ending in divorce, the number of single-parent homes is increasing. Of the more than 20 million children who live in single-parent homes, 85% live with their mother. Since courts traditionally award custody to mothers, many of these children see their fathers only a few times a month, if at all. After divorce, the amount of tim... More About: Children , Separates
What Is the Divorce Coach's Role in Collaborative Divorce?
2007-11-10 23:17:00 Divorce coaches are important members of the professional team that assists divorcing spouses in a collaborative divorce. Each spouse retains his/her own divorce coach. The primary role of a divorce coach is to help each spouse deal with the emotional impact of divorce in a positive and effective way. Mental health professionals with specialized training in collaborative law, divorce coaches help their clients refocus emotion-based thinking so they can make effective decisions and set positive goals that will benefit the entire family, particularly the children, both during and after divorce. Unlike a therapist who works to uncover the source of a problem, the divorce coach is a problem solver who empowers you to act. Fear, anger and a desire for retribution or revenge are normal emotions when a couple divorces. Unfortunately, out-of-control emotions create huge stumbling blocks to resolving divorce and child custody issues. A divorce coach can help you understand, accept and ref... More About: Divorce , Role
Secrets to Living Happily After Divorce
2007-11-09 04:04:00 There is life after divorce, despite how you may feel now. While you're in the throes of divorce so many aspects of your life are changing that you go into survival mode. Just getting through each day may seem to be all you can handle. Life does go on, however, and it's necessary -- and possible -- to move from survive to thrive, says relationship coach Laurie Cameron. Here are her 9 secrets to living happily after divorce: Accept what is. Stop dwelling on how things used to be or how you wish things were. By accepting your life the way it IS today, you gain the freedom to create the life you want. Take responsibility for every area of your life. Stop blaming your ex for your problems. Taking total responsibility for your actions and responses allows you to learn from the experience and move forward. Practice the two key strategies for a successful life: (1) Figure out what's not working in your life and stop doing it. (2) Figure out what works better and start doing that ins... More About: Divorce , Living , Secrets
Collaborative Divorce Puts Children First
2007-11-05 12:12:00 When you and your spouse decided to have a child, it was most likely a joyful time. From the moment of birth (and even before that), children steal your heart. You love them, care for them and protect them. You dedicate yourself to keeping your child safe, healthy and happy. Divorce shouldn't change that. When divorce becomes a battlefield, your children are the casualties. During divorce, parents must put aside their anger and emotions when making decisions about their children's custody and support. They must separate their adult differences from the needs and welfare of their children and work together to make decisions that will support and provide for their children's physical and emotional well-being. Therapist Rosalind Sedacca calls this child-centered divorce. "When you create a child-centered divorce, your children win -- on every level. Parents who make a concerted effort to sit down with each other and discuss the future well-being of their kids together, keep their... More About: Children
Website of the Month: Child-Centered Divorce
2007-11-02 11:43:00 A divorced mother herself, therapist Rosalind Sedacca, has created an excellent new website, Child -Centered Divorce , that I can highly recommend. Built on her own struggles guiding her children through divorce, Sedacca has created a website that can be a valuable resource for parents striving to help their children cope with divorce. The goal of the website is to provide parents with a support network that addresses the problems parents face with their children during divorce. Articles address the issues concerning the emotional health and welfare of children going through divorce. Parents will find the articles engagingly written and particularly useful. In each article parents will find new understandings and helpful tips they can apply to their own circumstances. Sedacca shares her highly qualified experience in regular articles on the website and also draws on the knowledge and experience of a variety of experts. Some recent topics include: Magical Thinking: When Children of... More About: Website , Month , Mont
Quote of the Month: Memory
2007-11-01 13:55:00 "When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not." ~ Mark Twain More About: Memory , Quote , Month , Mont
Talking to Your Children About Divorce
2007-10-31 22:50:00 Having the "divorce talk" with their children is one of hardest things a parent has to do when they decide to divorce. In our last post we talked about some of the important messages you need to give your children. But how you talk to your children is equally important. Most families move through the day at breakneck speed. In the morning everyone is rushing about to brush teeth, grab breakfast, pack lunches, let the dog out, find homework and get out the door to work and school. After school it's another rush from soccer practice to piano lesson to gymnastics to scouts; the carpool dash often running well past the dinner hour. The evening is filled with homework, dishes, laundry, baths, storytime and -- finally -- bed. And the next morning it starts all over again! It's not too surprising then that we rarely seem to have time for quiet conversations with our children. "Too often busy parents find themselves talking at their children, but not to them. And most especially, not w... More About: Divorce , Children , Talking
How to Tell the Kids About Your Divorce
2007-10-30 01:19:00 Telling your children you've decided to get divorced is a difficult task. It's hard to find the right words to say and even harder not to let your own anger, hurt, fear and disappointment color your words. But how you tell your children that mom and dad won't be living together anymore can make a significant difference in their own ability to accept and adjust to the divorce. How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce ? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! is an innovative aid developed to help parents talk to their children about divorce. Developed by therapist Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, after divorce forced her to have this conversation with her own children, the book guides parents in creating a personalized photo album-style book to use when they talk to their children about their divorce. Fill-in-the-blank templates for creating a personalized story with age-appropriate text are provided with Sedacca's informative book for parents, How Do I T... More About: The Kids
How Bankruptcy Impacts Divorce
2007-10-27 21:13:00 Divorce and financial stress seem to go hand-in-hand. Despite new laws enacted in 2005 that tightened the requirements for bankruptcy, many people still see it as an easy way out of crushing financial debt. Unfortunately, some spouses also believe bankruptcy will allow them to escape their spousal or child support obligations during and/or after divorce. The 2005 Bankrupt cy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act closed most of the loopholes that used to affect the unfair discharge of family obligations. Debtors seeking protection under bankruptcy laws must now meet a means test tied to income and debt which limits their filing choices. (Click here for a rundown on the various types of bankruptcy and how the process works.) Today, it is extremely difficult for debtors to evade their spousal and family responsibilities. Under the 2005 act, domestic support obligations cannot be discharged and must be considered a first priority claim. There are still opportunities for abuse, ... More About: Divorce , Divo
Domestic Violence Laws Often Abused to Gain Child Custody
2007-10-24 21:42:00 Abuse is a powerful word. Domestic violence is a serious issue and growing concern in our country (see our previous two posts). Yet there is the temptation to misuse "the abuse card" in child custody cases. When domestic violence laws were enacted, lawmakers didn't expect parents to claim abuse or exaggerate abusive behaviors to "punish" their spouse and gain exclusive custody of their children, but that is what happens too often in family court. It's easy to understand given the hurt, anger and volatile emotions generated during divorce. Even though not physically abused, one party may feel emotionally bereft and characterize this as abuse. It's a fine line easily crossed and fed by anger and guilt. Our adversarial approach to divorce doesn't help matters. Too often attorneys set on fixing blame and gaining the best settlement possible for their client will fan the flames, declaring certain behaviors abusive that in less emotional settings might be seen in ... More About: Laws , Violence , Child , Domestic Violence
Divorcing an Abusive Spouse
2007-10-23 00:10:00 Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in a domestic dispute somewhere in the U.S. according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. That's four broken noses every minute, 240 cracked ribs every hour, 5760 bruised and battered women every day. For many, the only way to end the cycle of abuse is to divorce the abusive spouse and try to make a new life. Too often battered women are afraid to leave their spouse or partner. They fear for themselves and for their children. They are so beaten down that they no longer have the emotional stamina to escape. (I realize that sometimes women are the abusers; but far more often it is the physically dominant male who inflicts the damage.) If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, help them get the help they need right now, today. Whether you are married or not, legal protection and prosecution are available to help you if you are being abused. On my website, I provide a step-by-step plan of action: what you need to do i... More About: Abusive , Spouse , Divo
Abuse, Drug Use Finally Tore Apart Whitney Houston-Bobby Brown Marriage
2007-10-19 22:02:00 Whitney Houston was on top of the world. With her powerful voice and tremendous vocal range, the Grammy winner's songs played at the top of the charts. She was in demand as a singer, actress and model. Then she married Bobby Brown in 1992 and her life started to unravel. Their marriage was volatile; charges of infidelity, sexual misconduct, anorexia, drug abuse and spousal battery didn't take long to surface. For years Houston practically disappeared from public view, her name surfacing occasionally in lurid tabloid headlines. Her reputation and career in tatters, Houston finally entered a drub rehab program in 2004 and again in 2005, this time successfully. Finally, in late 2006 Houston divorced Brown, gained sole custody of their teenage daughter and started to piece her career back together. Looking healthy and vivacious, Houston has made a few non-singing appearances this year and a new record is in the works. "The Voice" is back. (For more info on the Housto... More About: Abuse , Marriage , Whitney Houston
Litigation or Collaboration? Which Divorce Is Right for You?
2007-10-19 00:00:00 We are a litigious nation. "I'll sue you," is an often heard refrain. Certainly there is a necessary place for litigation, even in divorce cases. But what many divorcing couples fail to realize is that they can retain better control of their settlement and their expenses if they can come to agreement outside of court. Anger, hurt and rejection drive the desire for revenge when parties divorce. Dramatic trials on television and in the movies make us think we can exact our pound of flesh in court. We envision our attorney standing up before a jury like Alan Shore (actor James Spader) on ABC's Boston Legal. All our fantasies will come true. We will be vindicated and our errant spouse vanquished! Well, life just isn't like that. Most divorce and custody cases are heard and decided by a judge. Theatrics and melodrama don't play in most courtrooms. Your attorney presents your side, your spouse's attorney presents his/her side, and the judge decides. You cannot control the judge's de... More About: Divorce , Collaboration , Coll , Divo , Tiga
Litigation or Collaboration? Which Divorce Is Right for You?
2007-10-18 21:37:00 We are a litigious nation. "I'll sue you," is an often heard refrain. Certainly there is a necessary place for litigation, even in divorce cases. But what many divorcing couples fail to realize is that they can retain better control of their settlement and their expenses if they can come to agreement outside of court. Anger, hurt and rejection drive the desire for revenge when parties divorce. Dramatic trials on television and in the movies make us think we can exact our pound of flesh in court. We envision our attorney standing up before a jury like Alan Shore (actor James Spader) on ABC's Boston Legal. All our fantasies will come true. We will be vindicated and our errant spouse vanquished! Well, life just isn't like that. Most divorce and custody cases are heard and decided by a judge. Theatrics and melodrama don't play in most courtrooms. Your attorney presents your side, your spouse's attorney presents his/her side, and the judge decides. You cannot control the judge'... More About: Divorce , Collaboration , Divo , Tiga , Litigation
Collaborative Divorce vs Mediation: Is There a Difference?
2007-10-16 00:00:00 Many people think mediation and collaborative divorce are the same thing. Some members of the legal community may even indicate there is not much difference between the two. While it is true that collaborative divorce practice has its roots in mediation, it is a distinctly different process. What is mediation? In mediation, a neutral third party helps a couple define their areas of disagreement, then leads them to draw up a legally-binding agreement. The mediator directs and controls the meetings which generally involve only the mediator and two disputing parties. The mediator cannot provide legal advice or advocate for either side but parties may hire and consult their own attorneys between mediation sessions. Sometimes a divorcing couple chooses mediation, other times mediation is ordered by the court and may be limited to a particular issue. Mediators receive special training and are regulated by each state. Agreements reached in mediation are legally binding and entered with the... More About: Divorce , Difference , Coll , Divo , Diff
Kevin Federline Awarded Full Custody of Kids
2007-10-16 00:00:00 The sad and bizarre tale of Britney Spears' fall from grace hit a new low last week when the court awarded custody of their two children to father Kevin Federline . Blogs and websites went into overdrive speculating on whether the judge acted in the children's best interests, whether Federline will be a good dad, and whether Spears even wants her children. No matter how you feel about Spears and Federline personally -- according to the entertainment press, both have had their problems with drugs, lifestyle choices and personal responsibility -- Spears' recent conduct deep-sixed her chances in court. After Spears repeated ignored Judge Scott Gordon's orders for drug tests, parenting classes and therapy, the judge awarded full-time custody of the couple's two children -- 2-year-old Sean Preston and 1-year-old Jayden James -- to Federline. A divorced father, myself, I can't share the angst and agony being expressed on the internet about the children being taken from their mother. ... More About: Kids , Full , Custody
Collaborative Divorce vs Mediation: What IS the Difference?
2007-10-16 00:00:00 Many people and some lawyers believe that collaboration and mediation are the same thing. Though there are similarities, each process is distinctly different and offers divorcing couples different options in separating their personal, family and financial relationships. In our October 10, 2007 post, we defined collaboration and mediation as two distinct processes. Let?s look more closely at the main characteristics they share and how they are different. How are collaboration and mediation the same? Both are methods of alternative dispute resolution used in family law. Both seek to limit adversarial litigation and promote cooperative solutions to divorce issues. Both emphasize respect, cooperation, honesty and professionalism. Both are private processes that, unlike a court trial, are not open to the public. Both processes happen outside the court and neither is bound by rules of the court. Both may take as many sessions and as long as necessary to reach agreement. The exception bein... More About: Divorce , Difference , Coll , Divo , Diff
Kevin Federline Awarded Full Custody of Kids
2007-10-15 21:51:00 The sad and bizarre tale of Britney Spears' fall from grace hit a new low last week when the court awarded custody of their two children to father Kevin Federline . Blogs and websites went into overdrive speculating on whether the judge acted in the children's best interests, whether Federline will be a good dad, and whether Spears even wants her children. No matter how you feel about Spears and Federline personally -- according to the entertainment press, both have had their problems with drugs, lifestyle choices and personal responsibility -- Spears' recent conduct deep-sixed her chances in court. After Spears repeated ignored Judge Scott Gordon's orders for drug tests, parenting classes and therapy, the judge awarded full-time custody of the couple's two children -- 2-year-old Sean Preston and 1-year-old Jayden James -- to Federline. A divorced father, myself, I can't share the angst and agony being expressed on the internet about the children being taken from their mother... More About: Kids , Full , Custody
Collaborative Divorce vs Mediation: What IS the Difference?
2007-10-12 11:00:00 Many people and some lawyers believe that collaboration and mediation are the same thing. Though there are similarities, each process is distinctly different and offers divorcing couples different options in separating their personal, family and financial relationships. In our October 10, 2007 post, we defined collaboration and mediation as two distinct processes. Let’s look more closely at the main characteristics they share and how they are different. How are collaboration and mediation the same? Both are methods of alternative dispute resolution used in family law. Both seek to limit adversarial litigation and promote cooperative solutions to divorce issues. Both emphasize respect, cooperation, honesty and professionalism. Both are private processes that, unlike a court trial, are not open to the public. Both processes happen outside the court and neither is bound by rules of the court. Both may take as many sessions and as long as necessary to reach agreement. The excep... More About: Divorce , Difference , Divo , Diff
Collaborative Divorce vs Mediation: Is There a Difference?
2007-10-11 01:53:00 Many people think mediation and collaborative divorce are the same thing. Some members of the legal community may even indicate there is not much difference between the two. While it is true that collaborative divorce practice has its roots in mediation, it is a distinctly different process. What is mediation? In mediation, a neutral third party helps a couple define their areas of disagreement, then leads them to draw up a legally-binding agreement. The mediator directs and controls the meetings which generally involve only the mediator and two disputing parties. The mediator cannot provide legal advice or advocate for either side but parties may hire and consult their own attorneys between mediation sessions. Sometimes a divorcing couple chooses mediation, other times mediation is ordered by the court and may be limited to a particular issue. Mediators receive special training and are regulated by each state. Agreements reached in mediation are legally binding and entered with t... More About: Divorce , Difference , Divo , Diff
Collaborative Divorce Divides the Legal Profession
2007-10-10 00:00:00 Many divorcing couples are embracing collaborative divorce as a kinder, gentler method of dissolving their family and financial relationships (see our October 6 post). Increasingly the judiciary support collaborative divorce, and a growing number of state legislatures have voted to authorize collaborative divorce. The American Bar Association (ABA) recently came out with a opinion supporting collaborative divorce. However, as the October 5, 2007 article in the Baltimore Sun made clear, attorneys remain divided. (Click here to read the full article by reporter Melissa Harris). The collaborative divorce agreement signed by the divorcing parties and their respective attorneys prevents the attorneys from representing their clients in court should the collaborative process fail. Coll aborative divorce, which uses a cooperative meeting approach, can generally be resolved more quickly resulting in fewer billable hours and loss of income for attorneys. To be fair, America's adversarial appr... More About: Divorce , Profession , Legal , Divo
Baltimore Sun Looks at Collaborative Divorce
2007-10-10 00:00:00 Same split with a lot less spat was the humorous definition of collaborative divorce used to headline an excellent article that appeared yesterday in the October 5, 2007 issue of the Baltimore Sun. (Click here to read the full article by reporter Melissa Harris). Coll aborative family law is making the news as more people search for ways to divorce without all the blood-letting and acrimony often typical of American divorce. Collaborative divorce is a team approach in which the divorcing spouses, their respective attorneys and sometimes other professionals work together in an atmosphere of professionalism, calm and respect to dissolve the couple's family and financial relationships. The brainchild of a Minnesota attorney in 1990, collaborative divorce seeks to decrease the bitterness, length and cost of divorce in America. Collaborative professionals -- attorneys, financial experts, divorce coaches, child specialists -- receive specialized training in the collaborative approach and ... More About: Divorce , Baltimore Sun , Divo
Meet Michael Mastracci, Your Host of Divorce Without Dishonor
2007-10-10 00:00:00 Michael Mast racci, attorney at law is your host and author of Divorce Without Dishonor and the sponsor of the website www.MiketheLawyer.com. You may have wondered just exactly who I am if you have been reading this blog. I thought that I would take just a few moments of your time to mention just a bit about myself. I am a native of Baltimore County and 43 years old. I graduated from the University of Baltimore Law School and was admitted to the Maryland State Bar in 1989. I began my legal career as a trial attorney handling personal injury and negligence cases and developed a criminal defense practice for my firm. An difficult and acrimonious divorce and child custody battle led to my interest in collaborative family law. I am the author of a soon to be released book on child custody issues and divorce using family collaborative law. I am personable, a good listener, and sincerely interested in helping you to resolve your divorce and child custody issues in a fair and even-handed ma... More About: Michael , Meet , Host
Collaborative Divorce Divides the Legal Profession
2007-10-09 05:44:00 Many divorcing couples are embracing collaborative divorce as a kinder, gentler method of dissolving their family and financial relationships (see our October 6 post). Increasingly the judiciary support collaborative divorce, and a growing number of state legislatures have voted to authorize collaborative divorce. The American Bar Association (ABA) recently came out with a opinion supporting collaborative divorce. However, as the October 5, 2007 article in the Baltimore Sun made clear, attorneys remain divided. (Click here to read the full article by reporter Melissa Harris). The collaborative divorce agreement signed by the divorcing parties and their respective attorneys prevents the attorneys from representing their clients in court should the collaborative process fail. Collaborative divorce, which uses a cooperative meeting approach, can generally be resolved more quickly resulting in fewer billable hours and loss of income for attorneys. To be fair, America's adversarial ap... More About: Divorce , Profession , Legal , Divo , Fess
Baltimore Sun Looks at Collaborative Divorce
2007-10-06 21:48:00 Same split with a lot less spat was the humorous definition of collaborative divorce used to headline an excellent article that appeared yesterday in the October 5, 2007 issue of the Baltimore Sun. (Click here to read the full article by reporter Melissa Harris). Collaborative family law is making the news as more people search for ways to divorce without all the blood-letting and acrimony often typical of American divorce. Collaborative divorce is a team approach in which the divorcing spouses, their respective attorneys and sometimes other professionals work together in an atmosphere of professionalism, calm and respect to dissolve the couple's family and financial relationships. The brainchild of a Minnesota attorney in 1990, collaborative divorce seeks to decrease the bitterness, length and cost of divorce in America. Collaborative professionals -- attorneys, financial experts, divorce coaches, child specialists -- receive specialized training in the collaborative approach an... More About: Divorce , Baltimore Sun , Divo , Looks
Meet Michael Mastracci, Your Host of Divorce Without Dishonor
2007-10-05 02:41:00 Michael Mastracci, attorney at law is your host and author of Divo rce Without Dishonor and the sponsor of the website www.MiketheLawyer.com. You may have wondered just exactly who I am if you have been reading this blog. I thought that I would take just a few moments of your time to mention just a bit about myself. I am a native of Baltimore County and 43 years old. I graduated from the University of Baltimore Law School and was admitted to the Maryland State Bar in 1989. I began my legal career as a trial attorney handling personal injury and negligence cases and developed a criminal defense practice for my firm. An difficult and acrimonious divorce and child custody battle led to my interest in collaborative family law. I am the author of a soon to be released book on child custody issues and divorce using family collaborative law. I am personable, a good listener, and sincerely interested in helping you to resolve your divorce and child custody issues in a fair and even-hande... More About: Michael , Meet , Host
Behavior Tips for Meetings with Your "Ex"
2007-10-03 00:42:00 Collaborative divorce is a way of solving disputes respectfully. However, given the reality of human nature, it may sometimes be difficult to maintain a cooperative atmosphere during meetings with your spouse and your respective attorneys. Here are some tips from collaborative experts that may help you as you move through the process of divorce. Focus on solving the problem. During your marriage you and your spouse tackled problems together. Try to think of separation and divorce as one more problem you are trying to work out together. It may not be easy, but it will help you maintain a cooperative attitude. Focus on constructive solutions. Recriminations and emotional outbursts will not help you reach your goals. Focus on your goals and try to offer effective suggestions for reaching them. Focus on creative solutions. Keep an open mind. Don't become so focused on your ideas that you fail to consider other, possibly more workable, ideas. Be creative. There are many ways to rea... More About: Tips , Behavior , Meetings , With You
Behavior Tips for Meetings with Your "Ex"
2007-10-03 00:00:00 Collaborative divorce is a way of solving disputes respectfully. However, given the reality of human nature, it may sometimes be difficult to maintain a cooperative atmosphere during meetings with your spouse and your respective attorneys. Here are some tips from collaborative experts that may help you as you move through the process of divorce. Focus on solving the problem. During your marriage you and your spouse tackled problems together. Try to think of separation and divorce as one more problem you are trying to work out together. It may not be easy, but it will help you maintain a cooperative attitude. Focus on constructive solutions. Recriminations and emotional outbursts will not help you reach your goals. Focus on your goals and try to offer effective suggestions for reaching them. Focus on creative solutions. Keep an open mind. Don't become so focused on your ideas that you fail to consider other, possibly more workable, ideas. Be creative. There are many ways to reach a ... More About: Tips , Behavior , Meetings , With You
Quote of the Month: Divorce
More articles from this author:2007-10-03 00:00:00 Divorce is so common that some couples stay married just to be different. More About: Divorce , Quote , Month , Divo , Mont 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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