Sparks and Butterflies Sparks and Butterflies Caffeine from above ~ Coffee from below.... I'd sure like some dull! Articles
Comment Questions 2
2008-05-09 23:35:00 Pardon the slight radio silence… Had a technical glitch which has been fixed. In keeping with the questions asked (which you totally can still do… Ask away) I have the questions asked by Mickey. What helped you battle your drug addiction? What keeps you up? What helped me battle… It is a hard question. I never actually participated in a rehab program of any sort. What happened, is in the span of 3 days: I found out that a drug dealer was after me for the bad debt of my ex-boyfriend (mistakenly believing the ex would care.) Left my apartment because those I lived with left, and I couldn’t stand those who moved in. Started for Northern California with my brother, and a hundred bucks in my pocket and all my worldly possessions. I didn’t actually MEAN to get clean. But leaving L.A. meant the dealer after me would forget about me. And moving 350 miles away meant that I didn’t know a soul - including those that could give me drugs. I ... More About: Questions , Comment
Comment Question 1
2008-05-08 00:36:00 Remember how I put out a call for questions? That’s still open by the way. Please feel free to ask anything you like. The first question came from Darla. You were given up at birth? I was given up at birth and then have lots of abandonment “experiences” following that as well. Hmmm…..Share more…. Does this still affect how you live? Cuz for me, until about 3 mos ago, it had a TIGHT hold on me (abandonment issues that is). You can read more in the Adoption/Abandonment category, or the That Woman category. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil, and those categories have some more of the nitty gritty. In answering your question though, here are the basics. I wasn’t given up at birth. In fact, I wasn’t officially given up at all. My birthmother, Jeannette, had me when she was 20. She’d had a daughter previously at the age of 16, which was the result of some kind of counselor affair at a juvenile facility, and she gave that child up for adopt... More About: Question , Comment
pondering
2008-05-07 07:13:00 Do you ever wonder about your existence? Your purpose? Or on the other hand know, deep down, your purpose, and feel utterly helpless to accomplish it? That’s where I’m at. Feeling helpless to accomplishing my purpose. My goal in life. My calling. I can see it. I know what it is. And yet, I cannot seem to attain it, or attain the path to it. I think the answer, at least in my case, is patience. And that is a lifeskill that I never learned. That is so frustrating, and quite possibly my worst character flaw. I also have no idea how to correct it. Instead, I sit here floundering. Floundering in a sea of impatience? Worse yet - before I truly knew my calling, I was content. Now, I am not. And that is another flaw… Because if I cannot be content where I’m at, am I truly living my life? Am I allowing it to pass me by? The longing is real, and yet, how do I move past it, when there is nothing that can be done for now? I’m a doer...
Mir Guested!
2008-05-06 17:00:00 I normally don’t post about every single post I do on Special Needs Parent because A) I post every day and B) the feed is in my sidebar. However, It’s not every day that one of the top 5 bloggers I read agrees to an interview for me. First Susan Wagner (of Friday Playdate) did it. And now Mir Kamin (Woulda Coulda Shoulda). Go check out Mir’s interview today.
A meme? For me?
2008-05-05 20:31:00 In all the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve never been tagged for a meme. Can you believe it? However - I’ve been tagged. By Awalkabout. Five Things Found in My Bag: Wallet Sunglass case Work ID Cell phone Bag with assorted sundries such as lip balm. You know, and a spare tampon. And maybe some kleenex. Five Favorite Things in Your Room: I’m assuming my bedroom? The best photo I’ve ever taken of my husband, framed. The poem he wrote and framed for our 10th anniversary. My hope chest - which holds things like the boys baby blankets and such. Sentimental stuff, and the chest itself is beautiful. Betsy (my pink laptop. She deserves a name. Shhhhh) My mother’s bedroom furniture. Sounds strange, I know, but when we moved, she didn’t have room for it, and we did. I don’t know that they always had it, but they certainly had it for as long as I was around, and I love that I have my mother’s things furnishing my home.... More About: Meme
How to do K twice?
2008-05-05 20:14:00 So. Logan is going to be repeating Kindergarten. It is the right move for him, and have no problems with this. And he (and his brother) are adjusting well to that idea. He is simply delayed and “younger” due to his heart condition. Here’s my dilemma. The STUFF. For example, do I use this year or next as his K picture? I have a cute schoolhouse photo frame for each of the boys with a slot for each grade through senior. Which one do I use? Or the projects? Which ones to keep. I know this sounds like a stupid problem to have. But a problem nonetheless. Opinions? Which is his “Official Kindergarten” year? Anyone gone through this one before? Cross Posted at Special Needs Parent
Opening Questions?
2008-05-03 17:58:00 I’m pretty open here. I’m open about my past of drug addiction. My parents/lack of parents/birth parents/abandonment issues. My children. My children’s disabilities. Marriage. Really. So - I’m opening up for questions. Got any? Any at all? Ask and I shall answer. Anything you like. More About: Questions , Opening
A post you should read.
2008-05-03 01:31:00 So, there are those out there who say I shouldn’t be doing what it is I do. What? Oh, that would be writing about my life. You see, I’m exploiting my children. And they’ll hate me for it. And I’m profiting off of my website, and therefore, I’m profiting off of my children. And I’m invading their privacy. Let’s get a few things straight. Wanna know how much I make? It’s ok, I’m alright about transparency… I make about $15 a month in advertising. I also make about $40 a month total from my Stars and Special Needs sites. That’s paid blogging right there, folks. On the flip side, I pay about $15 a month for hosting - but whenever there’s a change. Like needing more bandwidth, there’s a fee. I’ve spent $100 in fees in the last couple of months. Oh, and if I have a problem or re-design, it’s anywhere from $25 to $200 a pop. Yeah - I’m simply ROLLING in the dough. And before you say ... More About: Post , Read
Hormones Suck
2008-05-01 16:27:00 The last few days have been hard. I think it’s been hormones. I’ve been just DRAGGING through the days, completely exhausted despite extra sleep. No motivation to do anything, be it yucky stuff like cleaning, fun stuff like blogging, or have-to stuff like work. And the crabbiness. Seriously. Like the world was out to get me. I woke up much better today. So - either I was ovulating, or my period’s going to magically appear in a couple of days. My cycle’s wonky, so take your pick. All I know, is I’m happy to be joining the land of the living again. Having energy and motivation is not something to take for granted. Tell me that at 3pm today when I hit the wall, mmmmkay? More About: Suck , Hormones
Don’t mess with me
2008-04-29 18:16:00 I am in one hell of a mood today. Seriously. We had to be out of the house a half hour earlier today for a Logan meeting at school. Well you know what? That sucks. I have my kids trained to a simple morning routine. They know what to do, and what to expect as do I. I’m not a morning person, so it’s important to keep to the script man. But Noooooo. The school decides that before school is better for meetings. I got everyone together, and everything is fine, and no one is late. Great. Except that now my brain is a pile of mush. And then I get to work, and there’s no milk for my coffee or my cereal. You see, yesterday, my order for milk came. Someone at work told the delivery person to put the stuff in the file room, and then didn’t tell anyone else it was there. Nor did they ask about perishables. Which we have a lot of - this is not new nor is it rocket science. As a result, I’m out of milk, and that delivery was cottage chees... More About: Mess
Disaster Preparedness a Necessity
2008-04-28 20:37:00 Normally when I receive PR information, I save it, potentially, for Butterviews. This is different. This is important information that I need, and that is needed by the larger audience of this blog. I live in earthquake country. It could happen at any time, any day. There isn’t any warning. The closest they’ve gotten is “the ‘big one’ will be in the next 30 years.” They’ve said that since I was a kid, and it’s always the same timeframe. In other words, no one really knows. So I want to challenge you to be prepared in the event of a natural disaster - and me as well… I’m not very prepared. Whether you face earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, hurricanes, and the annual influx of the strange flies from Peru - you need to be prepared. So take this information, and do what you need to do to get your own family prepared. We’ve been given the opportunity to work with the state of California to identify families with trus... More About: Disaster
Quotations
2008-04-22 18:07:00 True friends are those who, when you make a fool of yourself, don’t believe that this condition is permanent. ~ Erwin T. Randall More About: Quotations
What Poe Loves
2008-04-18 23:06:00 I asked Poe to write me an email telling me why he loves me. Told him I was going to post it here. He did. I love that you still get embarrassed when you wear something sexy for me. I love that you are not afraid to tell me I’m being an ass. I love that you can tell me “its time” with just a glance. I love that you do things, just because you know they are right. I love that you want to come home, not all women do. I love that can get me all hot and bothered with just a few words. I love that you are independent, confident and willing to stand up for yourself. Hows that? That’s perfect. I also think you’re hoping “its time” tonight.
A Decade
2008-04-18 18:39:00 So. 10 years. A decade. A tenth of a century. 1998. We’ve been married 10 years today. I don’t have the words. Except to say I’m not going anywhere. You know you’re my life. ~ And for the rest of you - a little trip down memory lane in pictures. Pardon the quality - they’re scanned.
I get to see crack
2008-04-14 15:14:00 So. Saturday I spackled Joseph’s room, and yesterday, we sanded down, all in prep for painting perhaps next weekend. Part one of our House Beautiful project. We also did laundry and dishes. Poe and I were covered in spackle dust from head to toe. Poe now knows what I’ll look like when I’m fully gray. Go to take a shower as one is wont to do when covered in dust, when lo and behold - no hot water. A side note - my parents live next door, and they own this house too. In other words, my parents are our landlords. Not perfect - as my mother says, “We just know too much about each other” but I’m here if they need me which they do more and more now that they’re elderly, and they get to be a part of the kids’ every day lives. BUT - they are on vacation for the next week. That means my father, manly man of everything handy, is gone. My husband, God love him, is not very handy. We thought that maybe since we’d done so much... More About: Crack
introductory vlog
2008-04-13 06:44:00 Please don’t laugh at my first vlog. And take your dramamine. and introduce yourself to my boobs. I don’t have the hang of this yet. It took me 3 days to figure out how to compress and post it. Untitled from Michele on Vimeo. More About: Vlog
Why L.A. can #Suckit!
2008-04-13 00:02:00 I had to drive my parents to San Pedro today. They’re cruisin’ and I had to drop them off. Logan came with. My father drives there - old man that he is. I just pretend not to notice that he still thinks 55 is the speed limit (so he goes 50. on the freeway.) We get there. All is well, my mother’s complaints not withstanding. Back on the road… Not 5 minutes in to the return trip the following occurs… … Logan: I have to go to the bathroom. Me: Just hold it, I can’t get off the freeway here. … 10 minutes later Logan: I really have to go to the bathroom Me: You see how I’m all the way over here, and the streets are all the way over there? You see all those cars? I can’t get over. Hold it. … 5 minutes later Logan: I REALLY HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM Me: You have a choice. You can pee in a bottle, or you can hold it. Logan: Hold it. *sigh* … 5 minutes later Logan: I CAN’T HOLD IT! Me: ...
We Have a winner!
2008-04-12 16:40:00 We have a winner to the Giveaway! Drumroll… So our winner is… I blacked out her email and ip address… Ruth, I’ve sent you an email so I can get your info for Rebecca. Congratulations! Thanks to all those that participated! 21 entries is not bad for a first timer at all! More About: Winner
Birthday Boy
2008-04-12 16:00:00 Dear Joseph… Today, at around 4:35 am, you turned 8 years old. You know as well as I do that the last couple of years have been rough on us, my boy. But - we’re slowly getting through it. I’m your mom. I love you. I always will. And yes, more than chocolate cake. As I think back over the last 8 years, it’s hard to believe that it’s really been that long. I remember trying to get you to sleep - I remember that the only thing that ever worked was rocking, patting your back hard, and singing. There was something about the vibrations that did it for you. That lasted until you were two, and you finally started being able to go to sleep all on your own. I watch you hop on your own into bed, with your own configuration of blankets, and go straight to sleep. I wish I could do the same. Somewhere along the way I did something right. JoJo, you’re a highly intelligent boy. May you learn to use discretion with your intelligence, and find your path... More About: Birthday
Giveaway Reminder…
2008-04-11 16:00:00 Don’t forget… My giveaway expires tonight! Comments after midnight tonight will not count (so technically Saturday morning) and I’ll use a random number generator to figure out the winner on Saturday. More About: Reminder
Big Girl Panties
2008-04-11 06:40:00 I’ve GOT to get that waaaaah post off the top. Bottom line is this. I have a job. Perhaps something will fall into my lap. Perhaps not. Perhaps I’ll spend the next 4 years paying off student loan debts off from an away from home job. So be it. I’ve got my Big Girl Panties back on. More About: Big Girl
Trapped
2008-04-11 00:21:00 I’m feeling rather down today. I know I need to give it time, but I was really hoping to find a job from home. Looks like that’s not meant to be. Technically, I can go home in 2012. 4 years from now - when all our student loan debt would be paid off. Which, in the grand scheme of things, not so terribly bad. The kids will only be 10 and 12. On the other hand, I feel trapped. I can’t move to a cheaper state - my parents are here, and I’m the only kid who’ll lift a finger to help them. I need more time in the day to be able to help them. Logan’s surgery will be in the next couple of years, and I have no idea how long of an absence I’ll have to take from work to stay home with him. Joseph’s case has a lot of meetings. A lot. I need flexibility. I don’t have any. I’m not mothering them. And then I got notice today that it’s time to re-enroll in daycare for next year. And it made me cry. Because...
I have the Thunder
2008-04-09 18:18:00 Thanks Santagaryvee! Joseph’s been walking around saying, “I have the Thunder ” in a total aaaaaanold voice. My husband just looks at me like I’m nuts. Don’t Forget about the Giveaway!
Count Your Blessings
2008-04-08 18:22:00 I’ve been a little glum for a couple of days. Partly because I haven’t felt great, and partly because of my impatience for things in my life I’m waiting on to just BE DONE already. So - Listing my blessings in an attempt to look positively on my life. Poe. Great husband. Great father. Yes, he has his flaws, but he’s a good man. Kids. They act like kids, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Employment. It’s not what I want to be doing with my life, however, it is serving it’s purpose, and not everyone has that. Life. I’m alive. Shelter. I have a roof over my head. Food. I have enough money to purchase sustenance for my family. Clothing. My family is clothed against the elements. Pets. They drive me nuts, but our cats are good animals, who love on us, and love to get loved on in return. Did I catch everything? Don’t forget to enter into the Giveaway! More About: Blessings , Count
Save a Life
2008-04-07 23:55:00 There are various people and organizations I give to on an ongoing basis, as well as as the need comes up. I feel that I’m in a place now where I can give back financially. I don’t usually share that information either. I don’t know. It seems braggy in some way, which giving never should be. I’ll tell you the next place, however, I’m giving. By harnessing the power of women online, our contributions will improve maternal health and save women’s lives. Your donation to one or more of these projects can save women’s lives by supplying health care, birthing kits, education, trained birthing attendants, meals, and much, much more. Help a woman today. More About: Life , Save
Solitude
2008-04-06 09:54:00 It’s 12:30 in the morning. I’m sitting in the easy chair, watching HGTV. Everyone is asleep. Solitude . It’s rare in this house. I want to write. The process of getting words out in a space. The restful clicky-clack of the keys as I type. Emptying of my mind. The problem is… I’m in a really good place right now. We’re more comfortable financially than we’ve been in a long time. By no means perfect, but I no longer fear overdrafts, which is a huge relief. I can pay the bills, AND pay towards debt, AND save, and it’s a huge relief. In addition, we have a plan in place to bring me home. The kids are going through their various therapies and thriving. Plans are in place, they’re responding. I still feel like strangling them daily - but it’s all normal, little boy, brother stuff. Poe and I are strong in our marriage. God and I are on good terms at the moment. I still have ton make my own efforts - to st...
Very First Giveaway!!
2008-04-04 16:00:00 I’m very excited to announce that my very first giveaway will be Rockabye, by blogger Rebecca Woolf, aka Girls Gone Child! First, a bit about the book… Rockabye is Rebecca Woolf’s heartfelt and often hilarious account of what happens when an irrepressible young city girl gets pregnant by accident and decides to keep the baby and marry the boyfriend. Forced to come of age almost overnight, Woolf charts her transformation from odd-job doing, commitment-phobic, chain-smoking, party girl to wife and mother, trying to adapt to and at the same time rebel against the stereotypes and responsibilities of modern motherhood. Woolf never relinquishes the qualities of her free-spirited, pre-baby self, however, challenging herself to grow up without outgrowing her dreams - and embracing motherhood fearlessly in a style wholly her own. Second, how do you get one? **Leave a comment here anytime before 12 am, Saturday, April 12th (in other words by Friday night). You have a wh...
Blahs
More articles from this author:2008-04-03 17:59:00 I’m tired and I want to go home. Not exactly inspirational or inspiring is it? But true. oh so true. This hamster wheel of a life is draining me. Slowly draining me. Today, I have no motivation to do anything positive, and I hate that. Granted, it’s that “time o’ month” so, I’m more lethargic and cranky than usual, but it’s there. I’m tired of that pregnant man post being at the top, so this is to push it down. I wasn’t going to write at all, who wants to hear waaaa waaa waaaa all the time? You get enough of that from your kids. Ok, I’m done whining. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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