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First Cut is the Deepest
2007-06-08 04:49:00
Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, "Hey, what're you in for?" "I'm getting my tonsils out. I'm a little worried," said Tim. "Oh, don't worry about it," Sammy said. "I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!""Oh yeah?'' replied Tim. "That's not half-bad. So, Sammy, how about you? What're you here for?" "I'm getting a circumcision, whatever that is," Sammy answered."Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for two years!"
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A Father's Last Request
2007-05-29 03:59:00
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
More About: Request , Fath

Stumped Doc
2007-05-13 11:42:00
A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange. The doctor looks at it and says, ?I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?? The man says no. The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, ?Nothing.? The doctor is really puzzled now and says, ?You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?? The man replies, ?Honestly, doc I, don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Cheetos.?

Dr. Feelgood
2007-05-06 03:07:00
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them.The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, ''Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."He continued, ''Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.'' The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful....
More About: Good , Feel

Garden of Eden
2007-04-23 04:10:00
Adam was walking around the Garde n of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman."God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give love and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
More About: Garden Of Eden , Arden

Got Bath?
2007-04-20 04:49:00
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."
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Counting Condoms
2007-04-19 18:25:00
A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights." Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?" Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights." Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?" Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."
More About: Ondo , Condom , Condoms , Count , Counting

Stories of Pregnancy & Birth over 44y: My OB delivered a 49y old
2007-04-18 13:20:00
Stories of Pregnancy & Birth over 44y: My OB delivered a 49y old
More About: Stories , Live , Tories , Stor

Strip Poker
2007-04-16 14:31:00
Strip Poke r - Funny blooper videos are here
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Memory Fails
2007-04-16 11:49:00
A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.''May we see the new baby?" one asked."Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?""No, not yet," said the mother.After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?""No, not yet," replied the mother.Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?""WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them."WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why."Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?""BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"
More About: Memory , Memo

Hantu (ghost)
2007-04-15 18:18:00
Hantu (ghost) - More amazing video clips are a click away
More About: Ghost , Host

Really scary, therefore i send it to you!!!!
2007-04-15 16:54:00
>> Anyone believe in ghosts?>> READ BEFORE OPENING THE PICTURE.>> This photo was taken in a hospital after the patient was in an>> accident where he was responsible for a young woman's death. It>> is said that when you receive this image and do not send it to>> at>> least five people, the woman will look for you during the night>> to collect your soul. People in Laredo , Texas , received this>> image and did not send it and were killed outside a bar; it>> looked as if this woman killed them. A couple in a western>> suburbs area of Sydney received the message and deleted the>> picture without sending it to at least five people, This couple>> was murdered by their 15 year old neighbor who claims to>> have>> been possessed by the woman.>> A 28 year old woman in Whittlesay Road, Cambridgeshire, England>> was run down by a car driven by a another female that fitted the>> description of>> the>> woman in the photograph, the police investigation revealed that>> the murdered lady had receiv...
More About: Scary , Real , Here , Send , There

Horror Stories Photo
2007-04-13 19:48:00
A couple on vacation took a photo of their daughter. When the film was developed, a lady without legs appeared.
More About: Photo , Horror , Stories , Tories , Stor

Horror Stories
2007-04-13 18:36:00
This picture was taken by a reporter in Indonesia , in 1993. The reporter wanted to take a photo of a room where a mass killing was done. When the photo was developed showed this!! It is said that people that were looking at this picture for long, had nervous breakdown problems afterwards.
More About: Horror , Stories , Tories , Stor , Tori

Ned: The Most Popular Man in the World
2007-04-13 10:40:00
Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat."Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm the most popular man in the world," says Ned. "Now Ned," says Bill, your pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world." "Oh yeah," Ned replies "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I'm friends with anybody you can name!" "That so?" answers Bill, "How about the President of the United States?""Let's go!" says Ned. The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, "Ned! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!" The three go play a round of golf and then leave. "That was luck!" says Bill, "Two thousand says your no...
More About: World , Popular , The World , Most , Pula

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company
2007-04-07 06:18:00
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar. 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.Which demonstr...
More About: Company , Lady , Tele , Telephone , Elderly

Divorced and Drunk
2007-04-04 20:22:00
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks,"Do you know her?""Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.""My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
More About: Drunk , Divo

Who's the Most Fun to Operate On?
2007-03-30 04:36:00
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing whothey like to operate on.The first surgeon said, "I like operating onlibrarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".The second surgeon said, "I like operatingon accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".The third surgeon said, "I like operating onelectricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.The fourth surgeon said, "I like operatingon politicians."The other three surgeons looked at each other indisbelief. One of them asked why.The fourth surgeon replied, "Because theyare heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".
More About: Most , Rate

Clinton and the Beer Cans
2007-03-28 04:11:00
Back when Bill Clint on and Hillary got married Bill told her, "There's one thing I want you to know. There's a box under my bed and I don't want you to look in it until I die." Hillary agreed to this but, over the years, the curiosity got the better of her and she finally looked in it. She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars in cash. When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, "Well, those are for all the times I've cheated on you." Hillary said, "Well, that's not bad after all these years and you being a politician and traveling and all." She was about to leave, but then she said, "Hey, Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?" Bill replied, "That's for all the times the box got full and I had to cash the cans in."
More About: Beer , Clinton , Linton

Park Politics
2007-03-26 06:01:00
A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading a newspaper. Suddenly he throws the paper onto the ground and yells, "All politicians are *ssholes." A man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit says, "I take offense to that!" The pissed-off guy asks him, "Why? Are you a politician?" "No," he replies, "I'm an *sshole."
More About: Politics , Park , Poli , Politic

Computer Diagnosis
2007-03-22 04:20:00
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his do...
More About: Computer , Diagnosis

An APB on God
2007-03-20 04:03:00
A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?" At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himse...

Get Away From my Deer!
2007-03-16 10:30:00
It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get ...
More About: Deer , Away

How to write a resignation letter?
2007-03-05 03:03:00
Short but not formal….A bit formal….Formal One…… Or this one ?
More About: How To , Write , Letter , Nation , Resign

The Three Stars
2007-02-26 01:47:00
One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein, US Ambassador to Spain Eduardo Aguirre, and television's Tony Danza were on a jungle vacation together when they were caught by a tribal group.Before they were about to be executed, they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for mercy. She said, ''Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.'' The three men looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some foodMalcolm Goldstein was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. The Queen tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of the grapes up Malcolm Goldstein's ass. The servants did their duty, and left Malcolm Goldstein lying on theground screaming.Eduardo Aguirre was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but curiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass. Malcolm Goldstein was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass ...
More About: Stars , Star , Three

I Ain't 'Fraid Of No Ghost
2007-02-23 17:28:00
A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many drugs which give him bowel problems. After many false alarms, he accidentally craps himself. Very embarrassed, he balls up the sheets and throws them out the window, where a drunk is staggering on the way home. The drunk starts flailing at the sheets, throwing his arms around wildly. A security officer runs over, hearing the commotion. "What's going on here?" "I don't know, officer. But I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."
More About: Ghost , Host , Raid

Share and Share Alike
2007-02-21 16:34:00
An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they''re just fine - they''re just used to sharing everything.The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn''t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Ag...
More About: Share , Like

Leopard vs. Poodle
2007-02-13 17:49:00
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company.One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction.The poodle thinks, "Oh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!"Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading a...
More About: Leopard

The Lawyer's Funeral
2007-02-10 04:01:00
A man reluctantly attends his laywer's funeral expecting to be one of the one people there, and is suprised to see a huge turnout for this one terrible man. He turns to the people around him."Why are you all at this lawyer's funeral?" he asks.A man turns towards him and says, "We''re all clients.""And you ALL came to pay your respects?""No, we came to make sure he was really dead."
More About: Fun , Lawyer , The Law , Funeral

The Four Ghosts of the White House
2007-02-03 06:56:00
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what''s the best thing I can do to help the country?""Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away...The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?""Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"Bush isn''t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"Lincoln replies, "Go...
More About: Ghost , White House , Ghosts