My Menopausal MusingsMy Menopausal MusingsM is a single woman, living and working in New York City, careening into menopause. Struggling with a mid-life career change, hot flashes and the insanity of middle aged internet dating, she has a unique perspective on love, life and the pursuit of 
Articles
Thanksgiving
2009-08-25 03:13:00 I've been sitting here editing pages from THANKSGIVING (the novel I'm working on) and thought I'd share the first couple of pages.... Just a little tease and perhaps a little inspiration for contributions to the Starving Artist Fund so I can finish it ;-) November 26, 2009Rita was at a complete loss. Thanksgiving had always been her favorite day of the year and with three short syllables her daughter had driven a stake through its heart and killed the holiday forever. It was raining sideways in New York and the wind whipped between the buildings. Rain and sleet mixed with the hot tears streaming down Rita’s face. She knew where she was going and she was determined to get there before she lost her anger, but she wasn’t exactly sure what she would do when she got there. The adrenaline racing through her body was making her dizzy. Stopping to catch her breath beneath an awning at 181st Street, Rita realized she had run out of the house with her handbag but without her coat....
Booty Call
2009-08-16 22:53:00 Last night I got a booty call.About two and a half years ago I had an unfortunate fling with a tall, handsome, and slightly younger man. I was reeling from my sad encounters with The Bartender and he was still stinging from his own breakup. One thing led to another and then, under the excuse of meeting his new puppy, we attempted to find comfort in each other’s arms. The night came to an abrupt end. He was rude and I pretended not to be hurt. A year later he sent a text message that I ignored. I never expected that I would hear from him again. Last night I received an e-mail saying hello, informing me that his puppy was all grown up, adding that he owed me dinner. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I confess I was surprised to hear from him and admit to being quite flattered that he still had me on his mind. After a bit of deliberation, I replied that dinner in the coming week would be lovely. He then suggested I see him “tonight.” Since it was 11pm I s... More About: Call , Booty
Birth Festival 2009 Begins
2009-08-13 05:19:00 My birth festival is in full swing and I have been burning the candle at both ends for the last two weeks. Visitors from the other side of the pond, a meal on my actual birthday that was so amazing it deserves its own post, and staying up at night staring at my computer screen and NOT writing. I think someone should do a study to confirm that overeating slows the brain making it impossible to speak or write in complete sentences. In my last post I mentioned that I was going on a date with someone who was in my memoir, I Thought I Grew Up. I was more than a bit concerned that he didn’t know about it and decided that I would wait until he was halfway through a smart cocktail to tell him. Arriving at the restaurant a bit early, I sat down at the bar, ordered a glass of wine and then pulled a book from my bag. As soon as I opened the pages my date walked through the door. He arrived on time looking rather dashing and carrying a Barnes & Noble shopping bag. A quick kiss hello an... More About: Festival , Birth
Distractions
2009-07-23 22:54:00 I’m sitting at the Café in the Barnes & Noble in the Citicorp Building in NYC. I came for a little inspiration. It is filled with writers and readers sipping coffee and staring out the window at the rain. I love being here, surrounded by stacks of books and people who love them. When I arrived, the café was full so I went to the second floor to the biography section to take a gander at my book on the shelf. It’s so exciting to know that it’s here, to know that several stores in Manhattan have it on the shelf. I wonder if that will ever get old. I certainly hope not.I came here to work on my novel, but my head is so full I decided I make use of the time here to organize my thoughts. Multitasking has been a chore over these last few months and it helps to just lay it all out. These are the main events:The novel – The working title is Thanksgiving.The collaboration project – It’s a big exciting secret book proposal.The big pitch – I’m working on the idea of... More About: Distractions
Back In The Game
2009-07-21 15:48:00 I’ve been running around like a mad woman these days! Trying to pay the bills.Trying to make the film locations business work. Trying to sell real estate.Trying to make sure everyone (and I mean you) is buying my book.Trying to write my new book. I need to stop running and just sit down and write! I love to write. I love the process. The real problem is that I’ve been stuck. Struggling for the words at each turn, so it’s time for a little diversion, a busman’s holiday of sorts. I am going to shake all those locked up thoughts loose by going back to the beginning. It’s time to start blogging again. Blogging – writing – about what’s going on in my life. Dating. Writing. Cooking. Menopause. Crying. Sex. I’m going to start stopping by more regularly. I look forward to chatting with you and seeing your comments. More About: Game , Back , The Game
Book Release Party
2009-05-23 04:37:00 I can't believe it's taken so long to tell you what went on at the book launch party!The launch party for my new memoir “I Thought I Grew Up” was last Friday night at the Morningside Book shop in New York City. It was a tremendous success. Happy faces, laughter, wine, friends and many books sold. For those of you that have joined the world of Facebook, I've posted photos of the event on my Facebook Fan Page, Author - Michelle Churchill. If you’ve already started reading, it would be great to hear your thoughts on the book the Facebook Reading Group.If you haven't already, I hope you’ll all take a moment to rush to Amazon or Barnes & Noble to buy copy of “I Thought I Grew Up”! Even more, I hope you’ll let me know you've been reading and share your thoughts.Thanks to all you for being so supportive. Michelle xxx More About: Party , Release
The Big Book Push
2009-05-14 15:15:00 Today is the official day! My book is out and people are already buying it on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. You can even download I Thought I Grew Up to your Kindle if you're so inclined ;-)I confess I'm nervous about the whole thing. How many of us decide to share how often we cry or get laid in print, knowing our Mother’s or future dates will be reading? I’m wondering if first dates that read I Thought I Grew Up will be too nervous for a second date…I hope you’ll all take a moment to support your fellow BoomerGirl and rush to Amazon to buy copy of I Thought I Grew Up! Even more, I hope you’ll let me know what you think by stopping by my Fan Page or my Reading Group on Facebook and sharing your thoughts. Tomorrow is the launch party and book reading. Wish me luck! And now….. I’m on my way to have my lip and chin wax for the big occasion ;-) Ahhhh the things we girls have to do as we get older!Oh..... don't you just love the bookstore window where my reading... More About: Book
I Thought I Grew Up
2009-05-02 18:09:00 The official release date is May 14th and I'm so excited I can hardly stand myself! I just wanted to take a moment to share the artwork for the cover of my memoir - I Thought I Grew Up. Keep watching for how to buy the book ;-)
News Flash!!!
2009-04-06 15:52:00 I am happy to report that my memoir about dating through hot flashes is officially being published! I Thought I Grew Up should hit Amazon by mid-May. We're busily putting the final touches on the cover copy and art. I'll certainly keep you posted as this dream is realized. More About: News , Flash
I'm back!
2009-02-13 06:39:00 Months have passed. Valentine's Day is nearly here again, and not surprisingly, I'm single again.The lack of sex, although it wasn't that regular during my last relationship, seems to have brought on a new round of hot flashes.That said, I do seem to be on a much better footing.Oddly enough, so does our country. The nation has a new man in it's life and I figure I'm about due for something good myself. I've finished my memoir, which proudly began on this blog and it should be available for purchase by this spring. I realize I promised updates on the publishing process, but with the whole break-up combined with a world financial meltdown and an election, I guess it's all kept me a little busy ;-)I seem to have moved into a new menopause phase which I will begin to share again on my Boomer Girl blog. In the meantime, I'll let you know how the book is coming on this site. I've got to give a table of contents some thought and then I'm off to the races with the cover desi... More About: Back
A Change Is Gonna Come
2008-09-17 04:06:00 You’re going to notice a few changes around here. I am happy to report that I am going to be published. As a result, the nature of my blog posts on this site will change for a while and the content that is here will be going through some changes as well.A good portion of My Musings along with a lot of additional material that has not yet been published will soon be a BOOK! I’ll certainly keep you posted as that dream is realized, and will continue to post here letting you know what’s going on. As soon as I have the final title ready, you guys will be the first to know.If you’re wondering what I’m getting up to these days on the menopausal dating scene, I have some good news there as well. I am now a staff blogger at the EPpy award winning blog Boomer Girl, so catch my blog Party Line there. More About: Change
The Birth Festival
2008-05-14 03:15:00 For as long as I can remember, I have been celebrating birth festivals rather than birthdays. Being a summer baby, friends have always been gone for my birthday so I decided to go for all the gusto. At first, I decided my birthday should last a full month. As I have gotten older, I have extended that time so that my Birth Festival lasts from one month before, straight through one month beyond the actual day. For my 50th Birth Festival I decided to celebrate the entire year.A big part of the celebration was to reunite with three dear friends I have known since I first moved to New York. Around the time of September 11, 2001 these three girlfriends that live in England and I agreed that we would begin saving for our 50th birthday bash. We have known each other since we were 21 and while we have remained in touch over the years, September 11th was the catalyst for us to stay even closer in touch. Our get-together would be a week of partner-free, child-free silliness that would celebrat...
California Dream
2008-04-30 04:21:00 While I have been building walls around me to help me deal with the witness of a loved one?s grief, a beautiful man has been calling me to see how I am doing. Before any of this tragedy happened, a very handsome man sent me a lovely e-mail. I was more than disappointed to discover that he was in California . I don?t think either of us thought about it, but he was kind and gentle and fun to talk to. He came out of the blue. I was afraid that I would not be able to remain strong for my friend. I could feel the mortar hardening between the bricks as I lay the walls that would protect me on my visits. Each time I lay a new brick California Dream would be on the other end of my phone taking the brick away. When I would feel blue, like magic my phone would ring. It was clear we were somehow growing fond of each other. I didn?t know what to make of it, but I looked forward to each and every one of his calls and e-mails.
A Little Perspective
2008-04-19 03:50:00 While I am trying to find out whether or not dating can mend a broken heart, I am confronted with true sorrow. One of my best friends in the world calls to let me know that his partner is not expected to live more than a few weeks. I am stunned. His young body was attacked by cancer for a few short months. It is untenable that he could lose his battle so quickly. I realize how much love they have for each other and how tragic it is that their love will be ripped from this physical world. Within days of the initial call my friend calls to let me know that his partner has died. My heart breaks for them both and I make plans to visit. When I arrive I am overwhelmed. This time it is not my hormones that are the cause for my tears. The living room has been converted into a bedroom and is filled with reminders of death. We work hard to remove medical supplies and to bring some beautiful reminders of his partner?s young life back into the room. The sorrow of loss is pushed back ... More About: Perspective
The Architect
2008-03-18 23:08:00 Soon after the Irishman, I am surprised at my attraction to an age-appropriate man. The Architect ?s internet profile is brief and to the point, but laced with quite a bit of humor. His photo is quite handsome. After a very quick e-mail exchange we chat on the phone and agree to meet for a drink.We met at a lovely spot in the Village. I arrived before he did and wondered if he would be as handsome as he was in his photo. I was not disappointed. He was a bit older and a bit more disheveled than he was in the on-line photo, but his unruly hair somehow added to his charm.We talked easily for a couple of hours. He seemed open about where he was in his life. He was very recently divorced. I found him to be quite charming, although I wondered if he had a bit of OCD. In any event, I agreed to let him drive me home and we made plans for another date a few days later.Our second date is brunch. Again we chat easily and talk of future plans to get together. The Architect walks me home and I inv...
The Irishman
2008-02-26 05:53:00 I have cried enough.I am resolved to move on.So much for my resolve to stop surfing the internet.I log back on to the internet dating sites in search of a man and discover that a charming Irishman has sent e-mails asking to meet me for a drink. He is attractive, charming and attentive. After our first date he makes it clear that he is available for a relationship. He calls or sends me an e-mail every day. My heart isn?t quite in it, but I agree to meet him for a second date.We have a lovely time over dinner. The Irishman draws me out and I tell him that I was heartbroken. He wants to know if I am truly ready for a relationship. I tell him I am. I want to be ready, but feel myself on the verge of tears as I tell this lie.He kissed me goodnight and we made plans to see each other again. A few days later I sent him an e-mail telling him that I am not as ready as I thought I was. I never saw him nor heard from him again.
True Confession
2008-02-01 07:18:00 In an effort to reclaim my favorite haunt in the New Year, I began to return to the bar on evenings I knew The Bartender would not be working. Each time I ended in a flood of tears.A part of me wants to call his home number and tell her about me so she will be heartbroken too. I look at his number on my cell phone every day and resist hitting send. I think about calling his home number when I know he is at work so that I can hear her voice. I want to know what it is that makes him want to hear her voice when he wakes and before he sleeps.I cried every day after he left me. The calls during the holiday season left me more than wounded for Valentine ?s Day. I cried every waking minute that day. I probably shouldn?t have done it, but I sent an e-card to The Bartender on that day. Part of me was looking for a finale. Part of me was looking to have him back in my bedroom.I found myself staring at the computer screen letting the words flow from my heart through my fingertips and, forgettin... More About: Confession , True , Fess
?Tis the Season Again
2007-12-16 03:41:00 The year has flown by. My hot flashes are running rampant. It is the dead of winter and I am sweating as I walk down the street. The thought of Christmas shopping in crowded stores is overwhelming. Unless it can be purchased on the internet and delivered on time for Christmas, there will be no presents under my tree this year. My friends and their families will be joining me for both Thanksgiving and for Christmas dinner. I love hosting the holiday meals and love to be surrounded by the people I love and who love me. It has become a tradition and I look forward to the holidays each and every year. There could be no better way to tend to my broken heart. I am happily preparing for the holidays. Shopping. Cooking. Holiday Parties. I feel like I?m ready to move on, to reclaim my life. Festivities were under way and I was feeling happy. The lack of sex made my hot flashes come more frequently and I was self-medicating with carbohydrates, but I was feeling good. Then The Barten... More About: Season
Mr. Right Name Returns
2007-11-12 21:37:00 My heart has been broken but I seem to have survived. It?s true that I have cried uncountable tears and eaten more carbohydrates than anyone should be allowed, but I have survived. As I contemplate what the next chapter in my life will be, my phone rings. To my surprise, Mr. Right Name is on the other end of the phone. He is persistent and I am flattered. Since I have not responded to his e-mails, he has decided to call to tell me he?d like to see me again. We chat easily and I agree to meet him for a movie.Date night arrives and I surprise myself at how excited I am that this kind and handsome man wants to date me. I take special care in getting ready for our date. I get up early in the morning and go out for a manicure and pedicure. I eat something sensible for lunch and then shower and peruse my closet for a suitable outfit. I put on a simple skirt and t-shirt and, since Mr. Right Name isn?t that much taller than I am, take care to select shoes that are not too high. I?m...
Mr. Right Name Returns
2007-11-12 21:37:00 My heart has been broken but I seem to have survived. It’s true that I have cried uncountable tears and eaten more carbohydrates than anyone should be allowed, but I have survived. As I contemplate what the next chapter in my life will be, my phone rings. To my surprise, Mr. Right Name is on the other end of the phone. He is persistent and I am flattered. Since I have not responded to his e-mails, he has decided to call to tell me he’d like to see me again. We chat easily and I agree to meet him for a movie.Date night arrives and I surprise myself at how excited I am that this kind and handsome man wants to date me. I take special care in getting ready for our date. I get up early in the morning and go out for a manicure and pedicure. I eat something sensible for lunch and then shower and peruse my closet for a suitable outfit. I put on a simple skirt and t-shirt and, since Mr. Right Name isn’t that much taller than I am, take care to select shoes that are not too high...
Happy Halloween Meme
2007-10-28 05:08:00 Well, now!!!! It seems as though I've been tagged again.... this time by dear Puddock from across the pond. In honor of my baby sister's birthday, a holiday I adore and an homage to a genre of movies I can't get enough of on those sleepless menopausal nights here we go.Apparently the premise is easy and even my brain which is one big hot flash this evening can follow the rules. Name my favorite scary movies that have either a science or ocean/water theme.... then see if anyone else would like to play :-)First, I am a product of the cold war culture. I would spend Sunday afternoons watching the movies that were the representation of what life would be after nuclear holocaust. And so... my favorite of the genre....The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)Lt. Col. Glenn Manning is inadvertently exposed to a plutonium bomb blast at Camp Desert Rock. Though burned over 90% of his body, he survives, and begins to grow in size. As he grows, his heart and circulatory system fail to keep pace with ... More About: Meme , Happy , Halloween , Allo
Happy Halloween Meme
2007-10-28 05:08:00 Well, now!!!! It seems as though I've been tagged again.... this time by dear Puddock from across the pond. In honor of my baby sister's birthday, a holiday I adore and an homage to a genre of movies I can't get enough of on those sleepless menopausal nights here we go.Apparently the premise is easy and even my brain which is one big hot flash this evening can follow the rules. Name my favorite scary movies that have either a science or ocean/water theme.... then see if anyone else would like to play :-)First, I am a product of the cold war culture. I would spend Sunday afternoons watching the movies that were the representation of what life would be after nuclear holocaust. And so... my favorite of the genre....The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)Lt. Col. Glenn Manning is inadvertently exposed to a plutonium bomb blast at Camp Desert Rock. Though burned over 90% of his body, he survives, and begins to grow in size. As he grows, his heart and circulatory system fail to keep pace with ... More About: Meme , Happy , Halloween , Allo
A Love Letter
2007-10-12 07:26:00 I love you.I love your mind.I love your imperfect body when it is with my imperfect body and how we fit together perfectly.I love how you cry at injustice. I love how you make me feel about myself. I love how my heart opens when I am with you.I love how when are bodies are pressed against each other we cannot distinguish our heartbeats.I love how it feels to take down the bricks one by one when I am with you. I love that you have helped me to be less fearful about exposing myself. What is most difficult for me is that you clearly don?t love me with the same breadth. I thought you did, I even believed you told me you did. I was wrong, but I am better for having loved and lost. To tell the truth I still hold out hope that you?ll discover how much you miss me. That you will learn about me what I have learned about myself. I am a woman to be reckoned with. I am a woman whose love is so powerful it can be scary, but that love can form a protective shield around you. I may not get you in ... More About: Love , Letter , Love Letter
A Love Letter
2007-10-12 07:26:00 I love you.I love your mind.I love your imperfect body when it is with my imperfect body and how we fit together perfectly.I love how you cry at injustice. I love how you make me feel about myself. I love how my heart opens when I am with you.I love how when are bodies are pressed against each other we cannot distinguish our heartbeats.I love how it feels to take down the bricks one by one when I am with you. I love that you have helped me to be less fearful about exposing myself. What is most difficult for me is that you clearly don’t love me with the same breadth. I thought you did, I even believed you told me you did. I was wrong, but I am better for having loved and lost. To tell the truth I still hold out hope that you’ll discover how much you miss me. That you will learn about me what I have learned about myself. I am a woman to be reckoned with. I am a woman whose love is so powerful it can be scary, but that love can form a protective shield around you. I may not get you... More About: Love , Letter , Love Letter
So Many Lessons Learned
2007-10-04 15:34:00 What I have found most amazing on my journey is that I have confronted my fears and survived their wrath. I am no longer afraid to show my tremendous capacity to love. I am also no longer afraid of being loved. I am not afraid of the rejection when my love is shunned. My heart breaks, but it does not kill me.Now that I do not have The Bartender’s body, my hot flashes continue on a daily basis. The shift in hormones over the last year seems to have made me more emotional, more vulnerable, yet I once again seem to have focus. I am multitasking again and business is beginning to pick up and I am finding other places to share my heart. I have begun to work on charities and finding great joy in it.For the moment I think I’m done with surfing the World Wide Web for men. My heart is taken but I am willing to offer it up to another honorable man should one actually cross my path. I realize that my growth came from within, but I also realize that The Bartender was the catalyst for much o... More About: Lessons , Learned
So Many Lessons Learned
2007-10-04 15:34:00 What I have found most amazing on my journey is that I have confronted my fears and survived their wrath. I am no longer afraid to show my tremendous capacity to love. I am also no longer afraid of being loved. I am not afraid of the rejection when my love is shunned. My heart breaks, but it does not kill me.Now that I do not have The Bartender?s body, my hot flashes continue on a daily basis. The shift in hormones over the last year seems to have made me more emotional, more vulnerable, yet I once again seem to have focus. I am multitasking again and business is beginning to pick up and I am finding other places to share my heart. I have begun to work on charities and finding great joy in it.For the moment I think I?m done with surfing the World Wide Web for men. My heart is taken but I am willing to offer it up to another honorable man should one actually cross my path. I realize that my growth came from within, but I also realize that The Bartender was the catalyst for much of my... More About: Lessons , Learned
Is Santa Naughty or Nice?
2007-10-03 05:36:00 I know, I know. It's a bit early, but Santa and his elves have been busily at work all year and have made this special request of me which I pass along to those that I suspect may need a little help getting on his "Nice " list.I rarely interrupt my story, but when Santa makes a request, we all want to be sure that we end up on the nice list. Goodness knows I should be doing all I can to make sure I get on his good side!Anyway..... Who knew Santa was a blogger? How can we possibly not fulfull this wish as he has fulfilled ours over the years? It's really quite simple. Santa has asked that bloggers join together to create a little excitement as we lead in to the holiday season with some fun activity to put us into the spirit.According to Santa, here's what needs to be done. We write a story together!Those of us who have been tagged by Santa or his elves simply need to add 2 lines to the text below. In those lines, one word should link to your own blog and the post should include a l...
Is Santa Naughty or Nice?
2007-10-03 05:36:00 I know, I know. It's a bit early, but Santa and his elves have been busily at work all year and have made this special request of me which I pass along to those that I suspect may need a little help getting on his "Nice " list.I rarely interrupt my story, but when Santa makes a request, we all want to be sure that we end up on the nice list. Goodness knows I should be doing all I can to make sure I get on his good side!Anyway..... Who knew Santa was a blogger? How can we possibly not fulfull this wish as he has fulfilled ours over the years? It's really quite simple. Santa has asked that bloggers join together to create a little excitement as we lead in to the holiday season with some fun activity to put us into the spirit.According to Santa, here's what needs to be done. We write a story together!Those of us who have been tagged by Santa or his elves simply need to add 2 lines to the text below. In those lines, one word should link to your own blog and the post should include a l...
A New Beginning
2007-09-24 01:24:00 School is about to start. The autumn has always felt like a new beginning for me. The crispness in the air. The smell of new crayons.Once again The Bartender reappears to break my heart. When we last broke up I told him that there were two reasons he could contact me – if he was truly single and ready to pursue a relationship with me or if he had decided to marry and spend the rest of his life with this other woman. I thought I deserved that courtesy. So when he called and wanted to see me, I foolishly thought he had come back to me because he has made a decision to change his path. During this same time Katrina hit New Orleans. My family is there and I am terrified. The Bartender remains by my side and is with me the moment I discover that, while my mother refused to leave, my baby sister has safely left the Crescent City. The relief was so great I wept bitterly in The Bartender’s arms. I was beyond happy that he was there for me. When he left that day it was the end...
A New Beginning
More articles from this author:2007-09-24 01:24:00 School is about to start. The autumn has always felt like a new beginning for me. The crispness in the air. The smell of new crayons.Once again The Bartender reappears to break my heart. When we last broke up I told him that there were two reasons he could contact me ? if he was truly single and ready to pursue a relationship with me or if he had decided to marry and spend the rest of his life with this other woman. I thought I deserved that courtesy. So when he called and wanted to see me, I foolishly thought he had come back to me because he has made a decision to change his path. During this same time Katrina hit New Orleans. My family is there and I am terrified. The Bartender remains by my side and is with me the moment I discover that, while my mother refused to leave, my baby sister has safely left the Crescent City. The relief was so great I wept bitterly in The Bartender?s arms. I was beyond happy that he was there for me. When he left that day it was the end. H... 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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