R*Y A N: blogging with a queer bent...

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death by embarrassment
2007-05-17 07:14:00
in spite of being a public space, the gym floor can really be quite an intimate place.after all, this is where you are likely to see and experience things that you wouldn't be inclined to outside the confines of your own privacy. and no, i'm not even talking about the salacious goings-on that really do happen.in my many years of working out and working in fitness health clubs, i have heard and witnessed everything from the mildly amusing to the quite embarrassing to the downright mortifying, perpetrated by the plentiful and wildly varied fitness denizens.there abounded sights of individuals covered with sweat in all the wrong places, faces contorted into unsightly grimaces, questionable choices in gym attire, and not to mention the snigger-inducing sounds of grunts and moans that escape from far too excessive efforts.at our gym is a long-circling story of a former member who, after a particularly hard session of high-impact aerobics, emerged from the studio with his certain bits u...
More About: Death , Barr , Barra

smells like flowers
2007-05-15 09:44:00
i know i should have made more of an effort, but sometimes, words do escape me.mother's day was nice. the sun was shining and the weather was fine. we had a barbie out at the pergola and i did the cooking. scrumptious feast.i just couldn't think of what to write in her card. didn't want it to be too mushy, didn't want it to be too plain. every year it gets harder.belated procrastination and my sister banging impatiently at the door had me quickly scrawling this instead:dear mommy,i hope you have a good mother's day because i think you are a nice lady and you smell like flowers.love, your son.my inner five-year-old to the rescue. she loved it.
More About: Flowers , Smell , Lower , Like , Lowe

28 ways to shit your pants
2007-05-15 07:51:00
i couldn't pass on not catching the flick 28 weeks later - sequel to the aptly named hit scare, 28 days later - on the day of its release last week, so i dragged my mates dave and dup out for a late-nite session at the movies.i don't know what was more entertaining - watching the highly anticipated "non-zombie" thriller or seeing the two "not-so-manly" men squirm in their seats. dave jumped every time something rushed really fast at the screen and dup shrunk more and more into his seat as the movie went on. he would have folded himself into a fetal position if were given the chance.and for good reasons.fast-paced, unrelenting, claustrophobic and absolutely confronting, this is one bloody shit-pants scary film!the synopsis: the rage virus returns - far angrier and more contagious than before - and wrecks havoc on the small population of repatriated british nationals living in a us army-controlled "safe zone". cue screaming, gnashing of teeth, some eye-poking, buckets load of blood,...
More About: Pants , Shit , Ants

still her prerogative (redux)
2007-05-13 01:05:00
a post i wrote a while ago about my wonderfully facetious mum.still making me laugh. still making me shake my head in disbelief.and still making me spill my cereals.a mother's prerogativemothers can always be counted on to make inappropriate, politically-incorrect and personally-insensitive comments. mine does all the time, god bless her.whether it's about fashion sense ("she's too fat to be wearing that thing!"), personal hygiene ("he should really wear some deodorant, can't he smell himself?") or the current political climate ("the way the prime minister is acting, he might as well permanently plant his lips on that president's bum!"), my mother has the innate ability to make everyday observances particularly cringe-worthy.but if you think those comments are embarrassing, then her pointed remarks about my sexuality are down right mortifying.i came out to my mother when i was 18 years old after she happened upon the computer monitor and saw a poster i was making for the queer ...
More About: Still , Redu

you're a weiner
2007-05-04 03:17:00
i'd like to think i'm pretty lucky. i buy lotto tickets, i enter competitions, heck, i'm even in the office footy tipping pool even though i'm not much of a football fan.once in a while, i win something.nothing too big, mind, but a prize all the same. just enough to make it worthwhile. i'm still waiting for that big payout, though. i know it's coming.the letter i got in the mail today wasn't it. in fact, it's the complete opposite.i got chosen for jury duty!sometimes luck comes back to bite you in the arse. argh.know of a good excuse i can use?

thank you for being a friend
2007-05-04 01:30:00
thanks for all your emails and messages. they've all been supportive and kind.the family is doing well. grandpa was buried on thursday. at his funeral, i heard that there were plenty of people in attendance and that there were almost no room for all of them at the cemetery where we have a family mausoleum.they also had a wake afterwards, and to commemorate his life, the family broke out a karaoke machine. nothing celebrates life like singing to some burt bacharach!anyway, my previous post was far too serious, so to lighten the mood a little are these choice clips from my favourite tv show off all time.the golden girls was a series way ahead of its time and a real classic. plus these nanas are super cool. watch it.thank you for being a friend...golden girls theme (1:01)the great herring war (2:18)condoms, condoms, condoms! (1:42)lesbian aftermath (2:20)the grand poo-bah of slutdom (3:12)
More About: Friend , Thank You , Bein , Being , Hank

musical legacy
2007-05-03 04:54:00
when my mother fell pregnant with me at a young age, she was petrified to tell my grandfather. she was afraid that he would disown her.my grandfather was a strict disciplinarian. though he loved his family dearly, he ran a tight ship. when they were young, my mother and her siblings were forbidden to play outdoors during the day until all the chores were done. sometimes, even when they were finished, my grandfather would still keep them inside.when they were older, my mother and her siblings had to return straight home as soon as they were done with their schooling for the day. if my grandfather had gotten wind that they were loitering, he would deal out his own brand of punishment. no questions, no explanations, no crossing the line. like i said, tight ship.and so when my mother realised that she was pregnant with me several weeks later, she didn't tell him. it was an easy decision to make since my grandfather was away overseas. for almost a decade, he made several sojourns to the...
More About: Musical , Legacy

readers anonymous
2007-04-30 01:00:00
"yeah, i read that!"out for the nite, i caught up with a guy who i befriended through another mate. i've seen leo out on the scene a few times but never had the chance to have a real conversation with him. this was the first time we sat down to talk.the only thing was, he already knew most everything i had to say. as it turns out, leo has been a long-time reader of my blog... way before we even met!it's a weird feeling knowing that someone you don't really know knows things about you. i've never really made any attempts at being anonymous and most of you know how personal some of my posts can be, but at the same time, i've never expected what i've written to come back to me in that fashion. that's why i was so surprised chatting with leo. i hadn't expected my blog to be so... out there, which is silly since it is on the internet, and it is only a google and a mouse-click away.i guess my scope has been somewhat limited; confined only to friends, certain family members, regula...
More About: Readers , Anonymous , Anon

nipple bandits
2007-04-29 07:18:00
holy high beams, batman!it's the nipple bandits!saturday nite was fun.it started with dinner at a nondescript restaurant for a friend's birthday. a bunch of twenty or so fags and a sprinkle of their hags. tucked away in a little alcove, things got pretty loud with animated conversations and plenty of raucous laughter. thanks to a few keen drinkers, we had enough alcohol to put the in-house bar to shame.that was followed by post-dinner dancing at a nearby gay venue, which saw some very interesting dance moves and plenty of inappropriate touching. there was one very happy straight chick getting very familiar with one very macho gay boi. what's a bit of groping between friends, hey?after a string of questionable musical choices, we left the dancefloor for a late eve jaunt to the witness party. not quite as packed as expected, the punters still turned out en masse to see the rather eccentric but uber-cool event have its last hurrah at the soon-to-be-turned-residential-complex party v...
More About: Bandi

not suitable for all occasions
2007-04-27 00:24:00
the gap reference is lost on me, but this sh*t is still funny! watch it.Gap's Boyfriend Trousercheck out joey and david's myspace for more comedy vids, especially the equally hilarious "douche up!" sketch.
More About: Casio , Tabl , Table , Sion , E for All

witness relocation party
2007-04-26 13:19:00
melbourne party people, take note. one of the most irreverent, in-your-face event on the melbourne queer party scene is on the move.the witness protection program social club has, over the years, built up a reputation as the uber-cool underground alternative event for queers in the know, and its venue at the lofty spaces of the public office is a marriage made in, well, queer heaven.but sadly, as most marriages wont to do, this one ain't gonna last. the public office is shutting its doors.to commemorate the event, witness is holding one last hurrah this saturday as a special thank you from the crew. it will be free entry and, of course, straight-friendly.so, get your party arses out for one last dance, drink and walk down those wonderful public office stairs.the public office is located at 100 adderley street, west melbourne. official party crackpuntersmy ex (left) with friendmore puntersskanks with creamlooks like fun, huh? see y'all there!
More About: Party , Witness , Location , Part , Ness

hungry
2007-04-24 21:38:00
it's six in the morning and i just got home. but instead of hitting the sack for some much needed shuteye, i'm writing this post. inspiration strikes at the oddest of hours, especially when lubricated with alcohol.i've been out dancing all nite, and admittedly, drinking a little more lager than i should. it's a public holiday today and many of the clubs were doing pre-day events to get the punters out for a mid-week party.dup and i were two of many.our chosen venue was that ol' stalwart, the peel. probably the least pretentious, most accessible and definitely, the sleaziest out of all the melbourne gay club scene. it's our favourite, and it seems that it's also for at least a couple of hundred others. the place was jam-packed, the dancefloor was shoulder-to-shoulder, and the line to the bar was up to five-man deep. with that many fabulous queers in one place, certain things were bound to happen.i didn't have sex if that's what you're thinking, nor did i pick up. i did, how...
More About: Hungry

geek fanboy
2007-04-23 07:24:00
i love this series of mac versus pc ads by apple. they're funny and also pretty endearing. clever, too.plus, mac guy is kind of a hottie. yea, i'm a total geek fanboy.first 15 ads (7:40)goodwillgift exchangesabotagesurgerysecuritytech support (my fave)
More About: Geek , Fanboy

relax, don't do it
2007-04-22 13:44:00
adam and steve made it seem funny, but in reality, it really is quite unsavoury.over cake and coffee, a friend of mine confessed a rather embarrasing detail about his new fling. apparently, the guy he's seeing is, let's say, less than hygenic when it comes to certain things involving down below. specifically, that he is prone to having irritable bowels when it's being poked and prodded.rightly, this unfortunate discovery has taken my friend by a nasty surprise. i'll spare you the gory details but suffice to say, the first time it happened, there was a bad smell, plenty of stains and one very dirty used sheepskin, along with a rather disgusted top.thinking that it may have been simply an isolated incident, he decided, hesitantly, to take the plunge once again. he closed his eyes and hoped for the best. same bad smell, same dirty stains. now, he's trying his best to avoid from ever doing the deed. smart choice. the problem, the boy with the irritable bowels is a hungry power bott...
More About: Relax

lessons
2007-04-20 01:22:00
a good friend of mine once told me that even when it comes to life's challenges, we're creatures of habit. forever facing the same problem, oft repeating until we learn the lesson. and i agree.i've experienced enough of this to believe her."i'm glad to see you again, r*yan.""same."we were dancing, very closely. the thumping beats matching the swaying of our bodies. it was like mardi gras weekend all over again.by chance, i made an unusual hump-day venture out to the scene, prompted by eager friends. entering the intimate and seemingly cloistered venue, i saw him. adrian, the boi from sydney. he not so much came up to me, but bounced his way forward. he was obviously as surprised as i was, but he seemed much keener. i assumed i would never see him again but here he was. in my neck of the woods.initial awkwardness gave way to familiarity, and soon we were repeating the intimacy we shared on the dancefloor from several weeks before. our hands and tongues spoke for us then and they ...
More About: Less , Sons , Lesson , Lessons , Esso

kassie and monsters
2007-04-19 12:17:00
i will never have kids. and i'm not saying that because i'm gay. i still wouldn't have them if i were straight. just a personal preference.but still, i adore them heaps. little kids really do say the darnest thing. and i should know, we have a childcare facility at work.hence why this video had me in stitches. too cute.
More About: Monster , Monsters , Mons

footy's back
2007-04-17 10:10:00
i'm glad that footy's back for the year. not so much for the games, but more for this...the teams' post-match recovery session dips.see what i mean?
More About: Back , Foot

coitus hilarious
2007-04-17 08:19:00
early morning sex talk with friend, paul.paul: i was getting really hot and heavy with this guy.me: yeah?paul: we were nakedpaul: and i must have said something funnypaul: cos the next thing i knew,paul: he was laughing his head off.me: oh?paul: we had to stoppaul: cos he kept laughing so muchpaul: i ended up doing it, too.me: must have been one hell of a joke.paul: maybe.paul: when we were both done,paul: we had to start again.me: start again?paul: we had to get primed againpaul: since, er, the boys retreated.paul: you knowpaul: since we got distracted.me: i see.paul: i don't like laughing during sex.me: really?paul: i hate it.me: i don't mind it.me: sex can be so nerve-wracking,me: so intensely awkward at times.me: it helps lighten the mood.paul: i suppose.me: but then again,me: if you're laughing...paul: what?me: well, if you're laughingme: then you're really not keeping your mouth busy,me: are you?paul: yeahpaul: maybe.me: it saves you from gagging though.paul: wellpaul: ma...
More About: Hilarious , Coitus

cheers to recovery
2007-04-16 05:05:00
pop open a bottle... i feel normal!not usually a cause for celebration but given the fact that i've been feeling less-than-average for the last eight weeks, actually feeling ordinary is fucking fantastic.you see, i've been battling a mystery illness for what seemed like an eternity. what started off as a mild temperature, coupled with a nasty outbreak of tonsilitis turned into a two-month ordeal of chronic fatigue and constant low-grade fevers. it went on for so long that i started to get seriously worried.but several trips to the physician's surgery, a few blood work and even one rather embarassing urine test later, and today i got the all clear. the verdict? nothing. probably just a virus. any one of the multitude of unidentified infectious diseases going around. fucking-a.i knew that was going to be the case, especially since in the last week, i started feeling better than i had for the longest time. i'm relieved, of course, but in a way, i'm also a little disappointed. part...
More About: Recovery , Cover , Over

an orgy of distractions
2007-04-15 06:50:00
Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™i tried. i really did. i had every intention of blogging this past week. the problem was every time i wanted to, i inevitably got distracted by something else.pimping up a myspace profile, for example. apparently i've had it for the longest time but it wasn't until last week that i was made aware of it. i just couldn't leave it the way it was - boring as dishwater.i also found out my visual dna. that's it up there. according to my results, i'm an escape artist, new wave puritan and part-time lover sofisticat. allegedly, i'm a bit of a romantic with a taste for the exotic. someone who likes the high-life, a mixer of the right circles. a person who always looks their best, who likes to impress and makes an impact. it's just uncanny!mostly, though, i've actually been out and about. my overseas visitors had arrived and when not catching up with news and goss from back home, we've been sight-seeing. the other day, we went...
More About: Distraction , Stra , Trac , Distractions

easter long weekend: chocolates, coffees, pizzas
2007-04-09 05:06:00
grab a cuppa before you start because this one's a long post... might just chew your ear off.chocolatesmy easter long weekend didn't pan out as intended. our overseas visitors had their flight pushed back a couple of days. so, instead of arriving at the beginning of the weekend, they're going to land today, at the tail end. that meant no road trips, no late nite chats and certainly no sight-seeing as originally planned.instead, i found myself with plenty of leisure time and at a complete loss on what to do with it. normally at work during the weekend, the last few days have been a struggle to keep myself occupied. traveling wasn't an option as i just couldn't be shagged to go anywhere distant, and being the good catholic boi that i am(!), partying was definitely a big no-no.so, what did i do instead to keep boredom at bay? why, eat a shiteload of easter chocolates, of course!i devoured a bunny while playing a few hours of nintendo wii, downed a few eggs while i cleaned my room,...
More About: Chocolates , Easter , Weekend , Week , Cola

the bunny did it
2007-04-05 06:41:00
reasons why i won't be around for a few days: relatives coming over from overseas, late night chats, road trips and sight-seeing. and of course, easter bunnies and eggs to devour. see you when it's over.have a safe easter, everyone!
More About: Bunny

don't be offended but...
2007-04-05 03:44:00
he should have been flattered. should have found it adorable. what he shouldn't have been was offended. me and my stupid mouth.i'm a short arse. despite what my gaydar profile might say, i barely reach over 5'5" tall. i have no problems with my height. i made peace with it a long time ago. after all, one can't do much with such a "shortcoming".normally, i don't even take any notice of being short. it's only when out at the scene does it become acutely obvious. everyone just seems to tower above me. the dancefloor - akin to the colloseum in its aggressiveness at its packed out best - is often an interesting experience. i get jostled, shoved and looked over. it makes for quite the challenge when trying to catch someone's eye and you have to stare up all the time. but i get by. after all, one doesn't become a seasoned scene bunny without learning a thing or two about dancefloor survival.which is how i met "ear boi".relegated towards the back once again by the tall pushy crowd, ...
More About: Offend

go away, come back
2007-04-03 06:06:00
go away give me a chance to miss you say goodbye it'll make me want to kiss youthe above are the opening lyrics to pink's leave me alone (i'm lonely), one of the tracks in her recent album, i'm not dead. i found it while trawling through my itunes library. i really dig this song. it's pure propulsive pop and the lyrics are ascerbic, witty and damn liberating. it's the kinda stuff you wish you could really say out loud.it reminded me of this guy i dated a while ago. we went out for several weeks; close to two months, in fact. he was really sweet, thoughtful and very sincere in wanting to settle down. at that time, he seemed like the exact type of guy i was looking for.at the start, things were great. we spent so much time together it was like we were breathing each other in and we couldn't get enough. after a while though, i started to crave my own space, so i tried to see him less. but he didn't give me much of a chance. he kept calling all the time and when we did catch up,...
More About: Back , Come , Away

almost did it
2007-04-02 04:55:00
april fool's joke aside, most of you would probably gleam from yesterday's post that i'm feeling better. and you'd be right. i am... except that it might only last a few days until i would, once again, get struck down with a "fever spell" that would knock me about for another couple more. it's been like that for the last two weeks. the road to full recovery is an ongoing and slow trek.you might also be wondering if i've found an answer to explain my mysterious chronic ill-health. well, the jury is still out on that one. i still don't know what's wrong with me. nor do my physician, and he's my third opinion. go figure. tests are still getting done and my next round of bloodwork is due just after easter. so i'm guessing around then i'll find out, once again, that i'm fine.but i haven't been a house-bound, bed-ridden liz taylor wannabe all this time. when not feeling like a human repository of phlegm and bacteria, i managed to get myself out of the house and attend a film ...
More About: Most

see you around...
2007-03-31 16:01:00
it's been a while coming, but it's finally here.i've thought long and hard about this - god knows i've had the time - but today, i've finally decided to wrap things up, pack up the notebook and turn off the lights. yes folks, it's time to end this blog. the show is over.it hasn't been an easy decision to make - it's something i've mulled over for a while now - and for good reasons. this blog has been very good to me. what originally started as a simple online diary-of-sorts for random rants has prospered to something more substantial (well, i think it has) that's allowed me to voice out my thoughts, meet loads of cool people, experience new opportunities, and most importantly, re-ignite my passion for writingbut lately, it hasn't felt right. it's felt like a chore, it's felt stale and truthfully, it hasn't been fun anymore. i have been blogging for a while, and while it's been exciting in the beginning, i guess it's now got to a point where the pendulum has started t...
More About: Round

malingering for nought
2007-03-22 01:39:00
i don't feel well, and i haven't felt well for a while now.i'm tired all the time, and despite getting plenty more sleep than before, i don't feel rested when waking up, sometimes even feeling worse.i feel like i have an ongoing slight fever and when i do even the mildest of activities, like vacuuming the carpet, i break out into a cold sweat and have to sit down. i haven't exercised in more than a month.i suffer from muscle aches and a persistent sore throat that makes it hard to swallow when aggravated. i have a dry cough that sets me off in a coughing fit so bad that sometimes i end up with tears in my eyes.i can't concentrate as well and often get forgetful. my thoughts feel like they are wading through mud and i've found it increasingly difficult to make myself coherent. lately, i've had tension headaches and bright lights hurt my eyes.my check-ups to the doctor and the tests that i've had done - blood and urine - keep coming back with nothing. at times, i feel so frus...
More About: Ring , Linger , Geri , Erin

hot ticket: thirsty merc's good reasons
2007-03-19 02:16:00
to call their new single launch a tour might sound a little over-ambitious, but the boys from thirsty merc have every good reason - 20 good reasons, in fact - to do so.the northcote social club, a perennial venue for left-of-mainstream bands and artists, was filled to capacity for the sydney quartet's friday nite gig. the punters were out to see the band rock it out and, boy, did they deliver. the long-time pub-scene performers churned their way through a ninety-minute set, befitting of a large concert hall instead of the intimate space afforded by the cosy bandroom.put simply, they fucking rocked!frontman and lead vocalist, ray thistlethwayte, opened with one of their most successful songs and last year's summer anthem, in the summertime. the raw energy they pumped out was infectious and set the bar for the evening. the band followed this with an equally sharp performance of an unreleased song filled with plenty of guitar plays and riffs. the rest of the thirteen-track set altern...
More About: Reason , Reasons , Good , Sons , Ticket

the host
2007-03-19 01:29:00
fundamentally, due to cultural differences, most, if not all, foreign films follow a different set of conventions that often leave the largely western audience with a good dose of healthy befuddlement and some thought-provoking after-movie glow.the host is a fine example.the korean monster flick, directed by bong joon-ho (memories of murder, barking dogs never bite), is evertyhing that a creature feature should be and more. in essence, it is a tale of ordinary people facing extraordinary odds.central to the story is the parks, a family of misfits who owns and operates a snack bar on the banks of the han river. all live a relatively quiet life until one day when a monstrous mutant creature emerges from the river and decides to unleash some royal rampage and carnage on the local populace. in the midst of the frenzy, the granddaughter of the family is snatched by the creature and is taken away. so begins the tale of the once-ordinary family's desperate attempt to do battle with the mu...
More About: Host , The Host

wistful days
2007-03-12 04:36:00
every sunday i check postsecret to view the latest collection of submissions that website author, frank, has chosen for the week. often i come away feeling just that little bit more enlightened, touched and empowered by the surprisingly creative and powerfully emotive confessionals that others have decided to share by way of a postcard.this one above really moved me.i've been thinking about my maternal grandma a lot lately, but then again, she's not often far from my mind.i've always felt that inang and i had a special kind of bond. i'm not sure how or why, but i've always had a feeling that she was far closer to me and my siblings than any of her other grandkids.maybe it's because, despite of moving to a different country, we had the blessing of having had her around during our formative years, those dark days when things were extra difficult and challenging for my family. several times, sometimes as long as a whole year, often only a few months, inang came over from the phi...
More About: Days