Blurry Intentions

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Wake Up Time
2008-08-23 06:14:00
It is said that every human being is responsible for his/her own actions. So why is it that I can't stop these feelings of regret or thoughts of "what if"? Would I have actually been able to change anything if I had done this or that?It's such a sad state of affairs when a choice is made, and the outcome of that affects your whole future. I'm not saying that it's the end of your life as you know it, gone, kaput, finito, but let's face it, it changes a lot of things, doesn't it? Certain dreams, aspirations, can no longer be realised. What's done is done, therefore... All that I can come up with is this: to pray that those people will face up to their responsibilities, for them to have wisdom in the decisions that need to be made, and more importantly, for them to not forget God. Let not one mistake be replaced with another.
More About: Time , Dear Diary , Wake , Wake up

Family Affair
2008-06-28 05:27:00
As if my life wasn't already in upheaval, yesterday I was surprised with the news of something which I had been dreading for about two years. Well... Can't do a thing about it, it's out of my hands. In any case, for the next six months, looks like things are about to get pretty hectic and maybe even crazy, at times. What irks me the most, is the fact that the one person with the power to stop all the proceedings is just gonna stand there and watch it happen. Sigh. I know that things don't always go the way we want them to in life, but I just have this feeling in my bones that this won't end up well. This one decision will impact so many circumstances, several lives as well. I just wish that more thought was given into it.
More About: Family , Dear Diary , Affair

Walking Away
2008-06-14 01:45:00
I heard you say "We were one and the same"Well wrong againI could never do those things you did to meI will be okIn time you'll fade into the nothing that you areThe nothing you are
More About: Walking , Dear Diary

Lost
2008-06-06 04:13:00
It's been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been ? But what of the man who's faced with what was? Or what may never be? Or what can no longer be? Choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealously and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. - Dan, One Tree Hill
More About: Lost , Dear Diary

Still Searching
2008-06-05 10:29:00
There was just so much to say... And yet, now that I'm actually here... Why is it so hard to speak of what I must?Consumed by doubt and reservations, I had a revelation... Maybe it's not the solution after all?So... What's it gonna be now? Where do I go from here?
More About: Dear Diary , Searching

Hajimari No Kaze
2008-06-01 10:52:00
And now... Introducing to you... My latest obsession!According to Wikipedia, this anime falls under the genre of : fantasy, drama, romance, comedy & historical setting. The story is basically about a young woman who dreams to become an government officer (which was forbidden to women in those times). It develops with the hardships and equally colorful (not to mention good looking!) characters she meets in her journey to accomplish her ambitions.Ko Shurei. The main protagonist, who is sixteen years old when the story begins. She's pretty likeable, although I did find her a bit annoying with her high-handed ways for some episodes in the 2nd season (yes, there is one!). Not to mention the fact that she has yet to show any preference towards any of the other male characters (who mostly are chasing after her). Realizing her dream is her number one priority in life, she is hell bent on doing so, and is willing to forgo love for it to come true.Guess that's the main reason why I'm so ho...
More About: Dear Diary

Drop Dead Furious
2008-04-03 10:10:00
You know something? I just tried picking up the money at RHB, but they were offline. The security guard recommended me to go to either BSN, CIMB or the post office. Since it was raining and BSN was the nearest, it was the obvious choice. When I went there, my number was 252. The current no. that was being attended to was 242. While I was waiting and the number just reached 250, people from the company that was in charge of those number monitors came to service it. They took quite a while and some newer customers just went up to the counters. I was rather impatient by then.So after a few minutes, the servicing people left. Next thing I know, the monitor beeps "001" (it had to be reset after the servicing). So you can imagine my thoughts then, which were like, "what the hell!". I decided to go up when the number hits "002" because it was my right. However, the actual owner of "002" went ahead. To my consternation, the person behind the counter just went ahead and helped her.In between...
More About: Dear Diary , Fired Up , Dead , Drop , Furious

What I've Been Up To
2008-04-02 04:25:00
It's already been six months since I've started work. Unbelievable, eh? The days have been going slowly for me, for the past few months my life has been alternating between work and making use of my free time by watching DVD's at home. My social life is non-existent, but it's something that I'm quite content with (I hardly have the time to hang out). So to my mates who are far away, make sure you come back next hols so I have something to look forward to! ^.^I must admit, there are times where I miss the old carefree days. I miss having my "personal time" and not having to worry about deadlines, making mistakes, or hostile customers. However, I need to support myself, and I don't think being a "bum" is considered to be a career. Heh. Not to mention the fact that I owe it to my parents.Recently, I've been diagonised with an infection (the exact term will not be revealed, ask me personally if you're that curious). And before anyone's imagination runs away, it's NOT the worst...
More About: Dear Diary

This Is So Not What I Counted On
2008-02-21 02:35:00
Noooooooooo!*Gasp**Scream*Those are the sounds of protest uttered by me upon receiving the duty schedule for the Malaysia Airlines Travel Fair [MATF]. It's a 3 days promo, and a booth is required to be opened at the Magellan Sutera Hotel, eventhough it is possible to buy the tickets from any travel agency office.Here's my gruelling [or shall I say tedious?] schedule starting tomorrow. 22 Feb - 0900 to 1300 hrs23 Feb - 1000 to 1600 hrs24 Feb - 1600 to 2200 hrsCrap! I have to work on a Sunday? To top it all off, I have to get the apartment prepared for the pending arrival of the new housemate and her mother next weekend. T_T I need a holiday!!!
More About: Dear Diary , Fired Up

Time Sure Flies By
2008-02-16 05:40:00
It's February 16th! Yikes! Why is time moving so fast??? But I guess it's a good thing, cause it can only mean that December is not that far away... *Haha!* Yeah, my life's gotten super quiet again now that CNY's over and the fact that Girlie has returned to Melbourne. But the 1st of March will definitely bring changes when the new housemate moves in. Sigh. I hope things turn out well.Since the last time I've blogged... I've had a hair cut (it had it coming), finally took a trip out of KK after being unable to travel (or not having the opportunity to do so for over a year T_T), reconnected with an old pal of Lionel's after 18 years (thanks to Facebook), met up with Girlie's colleague from Australia, celebrated CNY with relatives from my father's side of the family, saw the latest addition to the family (a cousin's son, who's only 4 months old), an impromptu island trip (which left me tanned, damn it). I'm dreading next weekend because Malaysia Airlines will be having a f...
More About: Time , Dear Diary , Flies

The End?
2008-01-31 04:09:00
Vic & Barbie, during one of Vic's album releasesBarbie Hsu, 31, and Vic Zhou, 26, gained wide popularity through the 2001 hit television drama "Meteor Garden", which is based on the popular Japanese anime & manga, "Hana Yori Dango". They collaborated in another series, "Mars", in 2004, and officially began dating in July 2005.Word is that they've broken up earlier this month, despite previous rumours of a possible engagement & marriage. There are already tons of speculation on the cause of the split.
More About: Dear Diary

This Is So Wrong
2008-01-24 02:42:00
They found love, moved in together, got pregnant, and recently were married. Yes, in that order. So goes the courtship between model & Channel [V] VJ Sarah Tan & former Disney Channel host Soo Kui Jien, who's since moved on to hosting and a few acting stints.The twosome tied the knot last year, on the 21st of December, in Bali, Indonesia. They had been dating for over two years. And yes, Sarah was already around four and a half months pregnant at the time. Which obviously brings up the question: was it a shotgun wedding? Jeez, you think?Jien denied it, saying that he knew she was "the one" within 7 months of dating her. He also added that it was a "natural progression" for them. Sarah commented that "A shotgun wedding is when two people get married because they have to, but we want to (get married)." Only after two and a half years of dating? ...Right.Sarah explained that her unexpected pregnancy put the subject of marriage on the table and was the "deciding factor" that nudged the...
More About: Dear Diary , Fired Up , Wrong

Heath Ledger, Dead?
2008-01-23 02:11:00
I couldn't believe my eyes when I first opened Yahoo! this morning and that was the very first headline I saw. I thought it was a joke. He was only 28, for crying out loud!With Michelle Williams, in happier timesHis death is suspected to be due to drug overdose. Which makes me wonder, what made him turn to drugs? I mean, he's a father to a beautiful baby girl, although granted, he's not together with Michelle (former fiancee and mother of the child) anymore. Where's his sense of responsibility? In any case... May he rest in peace.
More About: Heath Ledger , Dear Diary , Dead , Ledger , Heath

Hello 2008
2008-01-04 03:52:00
Happy New Year, everyone! I celebrated by watching DVD's at home. Which means... Yep, I didn't go to the watch night service for the first time in five years. [But then, I heard I didn't miss anything anyway] Plus, surprisingly, the youth didn't have the usual after watch night hang out at Wisma KFC. Apparently, it's not gonna happen anymore.Been taking a trip down memory lane recently. Song wise, that is. I've been hunting down all the one hit wonders, teeny boppers and boyband that were around during my high school days. It's been kinda fun, actually. But there are some which I dearly miss, but unfortunately are nearly impossible to find.I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can make it to Penang during Chinese New Year next month. My parents already have their tickets, so if I don't get to go, that means I'll be on my own for the first time in my life on CNY! x_x Hopefully, I'll be able to muster the courage to ask my boss soon.
More About: Dear Diary , 2008

Another Bites The Dust
2007-12-19 03:11:00
I don't know if I should be suprised or find the whole thing just typical of the Spears family, that it runs in the blood. It's kinda disappointing, cause I really thought that she was different from the rest of her dysfunctional family. Morever, apparently the 16 year old has been living together with her 19 year old beau for quite some time. What the heck?? What was Mrs. Spears thinking to even allow such an arrangement to happen??? Oh well. Shall we anticipate yet another marriage, divorce, and custody battle?"I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait," she says. "But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in." - Jamie Lynn Spear's opinion on pre-marital sex AFTER her pregnancy.Want the scoop?
More About: Dear Diary , Fired Up , Bite

What I Cannot Change
2007-12-17 15:26:00
I know what makes me comfortableI know what makes me tickAnd when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thickCream and sugar in my coffeeRight away when I awakeI face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakesOh the rest is out of my handsI will learn to let go what I cannot changeI will learn to forgive what I cannot changeI will learn to love what I cannot changeBut I will change, I will changeWhatever I, whenever I canI don't know my FatherOr my Mother well enoughSeems like every time we talk we can't get past the little stuffThe pain is self inflictedI know it's not good for my healthBut it's easier to please the world than it is to please myself Oh the rest is out of my handsI will learn to let go what I cannot changeI will learn to forgive what I cannot changeI will learn to love what I cannot changeBut I will change, I will changeWhatever I, whenever I canRight now I can't care about how everyone else will feelI have enough hurt of my own to healI wi...
More About: Change , Dear Diary , Soundtrack To Your Life , Anno

Overfed
2007-12-16 14:09:00
Was shocked during the company dinner which was held last week. It was a buffet dinner (free, no less) and I couldn't do it any justice! After three rounds, I was resorted to taking small (like, really tiny) helpings of what was offered. I had to skip tons of food! What a shame! The best part is, the following night was a cousin's birthday, so there was a dinner (of the non-buffet variety, thankfully). I ended up feeling bloated for two days. x_xOh yeah, it came out in the news that a 31 year old guy commited suicide at a shopping complex recently. I was there. It was on the night of the dinner, so me and a few other colleagues just happened to be wasting time at the very same mall. I actually saw the crime scene (the body was covered up, though). It wasn't the only gruesome sight I saw, there was also a dead cat (think I saw it there a few days earlier on), but now it was half decayed (or maybe eaten?) cause half of the carcass consisted of bones. Yuck!Regrefully... It was decla...
More About: Dear Diary

Say Hi To Happy!
2007-12-12 09:08:00
So what's the big Happy deal?Happy is the prepaid mobile plan that's just nice. No fluff, just the simple things that you need at happy rates. If most of what you do is call and SMS, this is made with you in mind.Only RM0.99 per call Only RM0.01 per second up to 99 seconds Only RM0.10 per SMS to anyone 60 days validity with any reload The Happy deal works for calls and SMS to all local numbers, all the time. And the best part is: there are no hidden charges.All I can say is... It sounds pretty promising! Where can I get my starter pack? Hehe...
More About: Dear Diary , Say Hi

Life Got Cold
2007-12-01 01:29:00
Lately I've been thinking this: life's not all that it's hyped up to be.I know that we should be living life to the fullest 'cause we only have so little time on this earth... But, even then...I don't know.I guess I'm just get tired.Tired and weary of wondering where I should be, what I should be doing, and where I belong.God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference.
More About: Life , Cold , Dear Diary

November Rain
2007-11-23 07:37:00
Hey. It's me, checking in after so long. Well, not very long... But it sure feels like it. Haha! I've been like a drowned rat these past few days. It's been raining non-stop in KK (except for today, thankfully). The weather seems to have eased up, it's bright & sunny.A few things have happened since I last blogged. I met up with a cousin from Penang who was in town for an old schoolmate's wedding. (Apparently, the service was held in my church!) The other is... Me and another workmate were asked out by a client for drinks, which was seriously creepy, since he's married with kids! Of course, we said no.By the way, getting up early, for six days a week, is still a trial for me. Trust me, I never was one who delighted in practicing the old saying: "the early bird gets the worm". I'm still feeling down regarding certain things, so I've been reminding myself constantly that... (Read on)It's only over a week left till December... Yes!!! The month where everyone (well, almost eve...
More About: Rain , Dear Diary , November

When Life Gets Tough...
2007-11-11 07:58:00
Sorry, but I've been too busy to update. My workload has increased, so things do get kinda insane at times. My only time to chill is on Sunday, so I pretty much treasure it. Usually, I hang out with the other kids from church, but... Today, I'm on my own. Everyone else is busy with the youth Christmas dance. And nope, I'm not in on it cause I doubt that I would have the time and energy to commit.My routine is quite predictable these days. If I'm not at the office, I'm most likely at home sleeping, reading, or occasionally watching a DVD. I hardly go out at night. At most, it only happens once a week. My perceptions on certain things have also changed. I'll blog about it another time. [Hopefully]The way things have been lately, please don't blame me if I'm having a pretty bleak outlook on life. How do other people handle this? It's only been a month and a half, and I'm already wondering what I'm doing and how am I gonna cope with this for the rest of my life.All that think...
More About: Life , Dear Diary , Tough

Fooled
2007-11-03 01:52:00
Yep, I got conned last night. Luckily, (or unluckily, cause my Dad advised me to just walk away beforehand, which got me suspicious, or not suspicious enough, obviously) it was only RM50 that I deposited. I'm too furious with myself to get into details.It was only this morning that I went online, did Google-ed certain things, and confirmed that the whole thing's a scam, just as my Dad said.Read another person's story here. And the following update regarding the previous post. What happened to me is just about the same. Only, I "won" an iron chef stove, something similar to Sauna Solution, and a RM150 voucher. But I can only get those if I spend the RM150 voucher on another product... And all the choices given cost around RM2000++!Anyway, the name of the company is Exwell Electrical. So my advice would be, the next time you see someone bearing down on you with a coupon, run away. Apparently, Exwell is not the only company who has joined the con wagon. Guess who feels like an idiot...
More About: Dear Diary

Ahoy, Matey!
2007-10-27 04:35:00
The Mv Doulos left for Brunei either on Thursday or yesterday. All in all, I made four attempts to visit the ship. Of them, two were successful. One of those tries wasn't much of a big loss: we got the chance to meet and talk with two crewmembers and invite them to join our cell group's potbless which was held last Wednesday night. *Hehe*If you were at the MV Doulos International Youth Night at the Anglican Cathedral on the 20th of October, you would have probably heard the testimonial of James from Ireland. Well, he was one of the guys we met. The other is Ben from South Africa. Both of them are only 19 years old!And yes, they came to our cell group. [Pictures to be posted up soon, hopefully]. Also invited was Lilian (from... I forgot), Richard from Nigeria, and Jose from Spain. The unfortunate thing was, they were only there for about an hour and a half, because they wanted to see off some of their friends at the airport who's volunteer time on the ship had come to an end. Oh y...
More About: Dear Diary

Recent Events
2007-10-20 04:52:00
What have I been up to this week? Oh yeah, Joy & Grace's combined birthday party was on Thursday night. The fact that it rained (and when it rains, it pours), kinda dimmed the party mood. And... I know it wasn't my party, but I was kind of disappointed with the manager over the way he handled things. He didn't seem attentive to their requests and needs.I hope the birthday girls liked the presents me and Imelda chipped in to buy for them. We got Grace this mobile decoration thingy which has her name on it. We personally choose every single thing that went on it. It's shiny and looks a bit classy, even if I do say so myself. *Hehe* As for Joy, we got this really pretty pink beach bag. In fact, I would have loved to own the same bag myself. ^.^Today's Saturday, and I'm looking forward to tonight- it's the Youth International Night organised by the crew from MV Doulos. It will be held at the Anglican Cathedral. I'm glad that the youth from my church will be going. This is someth...
More About: Events , Dear Diary , Recent

In The Rain
2007-10-16 14:35:00
Sheesh. You'd think after spending the whole day in front of a computer for six days a week, the last thing I'd want to do when I'm off is to sit in front of one, right? Well, that's right! It's just that unfortunately on this day of all days, I forgot to bring my house keys. How careless of me!!!I just happen to be really frustrated. I'm wet from the rain. I'm tired. I'm still coughing badly. I'm almost dead broke. I wasted all the coins I had trying to call my housemate, Alex, and Sharon and all I ended up with was listening to ringing tones and voicemails which ate up all the coins. So now here I am, wasting an hour in the nearby cyber cafe while waiting for Imelda to hopefully get back home soon.Earlier, I met up with my Mom, aunt, and cousins right after work. And finally, after so many years, I've actually managed to visit the MV Doulos again! That said, the elation I felt was marred by the slight sea sickness I felt and the undesirable conditions in the bookstore. I...
More About: Rain , Dear Diary

In Trouble
2007-10-06 05:17:00
Getting up early on a Saturday morning for very un-entertainment like reasons is not really my kind of thing. I'm feeling sleepy, slightly tired and wary due to a HUGE, GIGANTIC mistake that I made yesterday, which got me an earful from a number of parties and the huge probability of me paying for it. And oh, did I mention that I've only left a pittance of my allowance for this month due to reckless spending?So... Yeah. Things are not looking good for me at the moment.My mood has hit an all time low.But at least I have a few things to cheer me up next weekend: the Hari Raya holidays. I'll either be going back to Labuan with a few friends or hang out here. Bang Yang is coming back next weekend, and the MV Doulos will be in KK till the 25th of October.It's now October... Yay! Only one month+ till the return of certain people who I've been eagerly waiting for. Miss all of you so much. ^.^ I think seeing you guys itself will be the best Christmas gift- ever!
More About: Dear Diary

Busy Bee
2007-09-28 14:05:00
Gosh. I feel so tired! Stressed! Pressured! These upcoming three months are gonna be tough. And yet, for some people, what I'm going through at the moment, it's a good thing. But it's not so much fun if you're the actual person who's going through it, right??I came back early today for some apartment emergency... But an additional thing happened. Some would call it a lucky coincidence, but I would say it was God who helped me, because while I was making my way home, I suddenly felt sick. In the beginning, I had planned to take a bus to QEH, & then walk all the way home. However, let's just say that I felt so, so, bad that I had to take a taxi by the time I got to QEH. The whole time, I kept praying that I would make it safely back without anything embarassing happening. And guess what? I made it home just in time for me to throw up in the bathroom. Not exactly a good thing, but you get my point, right?I couldn't take any medicine either, whatever I took, well... It just went ...
More About: Dear Diary , Busy

Overjoyed
2007-09-23 16:30:00
All I can say is: I credit all of this to God. All the praise and glory goes to Him.Thank You for all the love that You have shown to me.
More About: Dear Diary , The Faith

Lead The Way
2007-09-22 16:56:00
Where is the helpWhere is the lightI'm crawling in a hazeI'm making a vow I'm taking a standI'm starting to change my waysI need to know when it's time to goTo a place to be with YouI'm about to walk I'm about to runI'm about to loseLose my wayI can hardly talk I can barely seeI'm counting on YouYou lead the waySomebody said Your watchin' over meI find it hard to believeIf I'm hearing You rightI'll give up the fightAnd let You have all of meBe my eyes oh Be my thoughts Be my everythingIt's my chance It's my choiceOh oh yeahYou lead the wayI can hardly talk I can barely seeI'm counting on YouYou lead the way
More About: Dear Diary , Soundtrack To Your Life , Lead

Save Me
2007-09-21 16:44:00
Lookin' a lot like I just got trampled onFeelin' a lot like I just can't get up off the groundNo, I can't get upI was worryin' about how this thing would turn outWondering how I could make everything go down my wayIt's gotta be that wayFunny how you try to hold so tightThe more it slips awayThe closer that you look its all a blurI need a new todayWon't YouSave meFrom the selfishness that keeps me far from YouHold me'Til I know I hear You say You're not looking for perfectionJust a willingness is fineYou will always have my attentionYou just wanna hear me saySave meHow did I get here stuck in the middleI wanna do rightBut it's easier to think about only meIt could only beCan I wake up from this life that I'm livin'Tell me again that it's all forgivenWhat You see in meFunny how you try to hold so tightThe more it slips awayThe closer that you look It's all a blurI need a new todayWon't You
More About: Soundtrack To Your Life , Save Me