Paternal ProsePaternal ProseThis blog chronicles my fatherhood experiences from the months prior to the birth, the birth, and beyond. Articles
A Simple Equation
2007-05-17 15:54:00 I’ve never been a math whiz, so my ability to understand and process complex equations is limited. Between the hours of midnight and 6 AM, the ability is non-existent, so when Cooper wakes up for a feeding between those hours, I expect to apply the following simple equation: Let F = feeding Let p = diaper change Let ... More About: Humor , Year 1 , Experiences , Simple , Quat
A Disturbing Trend
2007-05-13 03:17:00 I’m troubled by my recent (over)use of the word “cute” to describe Cooper. P.C.E. (Pre-Cooper Era), that word was reserved for members of the opposite sex, mainly my wife. These days, I throw it around as much as she does, and I’m starting to question my masculinity. I’m not certain as to the exact rules, ... More About: Humor , Observations , Year 1 , Trend , Bing
Spit Up
2007-05-06 18:20:00 Last night Cooper spit up, and it wasn’t just a little dribble. It reminded me of one of those statue-type fountains where water shoots out of the figure’s mouth. Unfortunately for Cooper, formula also came out of his nose, which looked pretty bad to us. On the other hand, Cooper sat there and let it ... More About: Infancy , Year 1 , Experiences , Spit
A Routine
2007-05-05 16:39:00 I may be getting optimistic a bit too early, or seeing things that aren’t there, but I do believe Cooper might be showing signs of getting into a routine. Can I get a “hallelujah”? I said, can I get a “hallelujah”!? Amen, brother! The past few nights, he has allowed us at least a couple ... More About: Infancy , Observations , Year 1
The Radish
2007-05-01 04:09:00 Is it wrong that I find a great deal of humor in watching Cooper’s face turn a radish-red color when he gets angry? Probably so, and it’s likely he’ll get me back for it someday, when he hits adolescence… or age two. More About: Humor , Infancy , Observations , Year 1 , Radish
Things Unsaid…
2007-04-28 22:47:00 Today, someone with a large pickup truck tailgated us for a bit, passed us, then cut back in front of us, nearly clipping our car as he re-entered the right lane. Obviously, he was setting an example for his two kids that were in the vehicle with him. If it had just been Kandis and ... More About: Hell , Things , Thing , Said
A Conversation
2007-04-27 03:23:00 Phone: Ring… Ring Kandis: Hello? Telemarketer: Hi, Kandis Seaver, this is Douche Bag from Big A Enterprises! How are you tonight? Kandis: I’m sorry, I don’t have time right now. My baby needs me. Telemarketer: Ma’am, I’m sorry to burden you, but we would like you to give us some mon- Kandis: I’m sorry, I really don’t have the time ... More About: Sati , Conversation
Gettin? By With a Little Help
2007-04-26 20:31:00 Last night, my mother offered to stay overnight and watch Cooper, and we accepted that offer. I’m conflicted about this. On the one hand, both of us got a good night’s rest — better than we’ve had in over a week. I feel recharged and awake, unlike the past week where I’ve felt like a ... More About: Infancy , Little , Litt
Bologna
2007-04-24 23:33:00 Conventional wisdom says that newborns will need to eat every two to three hours. Bologna , I say! Cooper can down two ounces of formula in a sitting, but chooses to down about an ounce or less at a time, and then pass out after twenty minutes. He then wakes up in forty-five minutes or an ... More About: Infancy
Enjoying Every Minute
2007-04-24 01:55:00 I thought I was doing well at first with the midnight feedings and diaper changes. It was tough, but just looking at Cooper was enough to make me forget that I was up at a ridiculous hour taking care of him. Things have changed drastically over the past few nights. I have barely been able ... More About: Infancy , Ever , Minute
A Diaper Story
2007-04-21 23:51:00 Last night while changing Cooper’s diaper, I experienced a sequence of events that I’ve heard told many times over by new parents. Things were going well; I had removed the soiled diaper and was moving to the next step when I was hit with a stream of liquid that seemed disproportionately excessive in both amount ... More About: Humor , Story , Infancy , Stor , Tory
Cooper?s in Town
2007-04-19 16:55:00 Cooper Gregory Seaver was born at 9:22 pm on 4/17/2007. He was 7lbs, 11oz, and 18.5 inches long. Kandis was a trooper through the entire labor, including three hours of pushing. She is much stronger than she gave herself credit for, and is doing wonderfully today. We’re both walking around in a haze of exhaustion and ... More About: Cooper , Town , Coop
Induction
2007-04-13 05:41:00 We learned today that Kandis will be induced Tuesday morning. I’m excited knowing that’s the latest the baby will be here, and it give me a few extra days to get the house cleaned up. It’s also nice because we can call ahead to board Millie for a couple of nights. Luckily, the cats can ...
Due Date
2007-04-12 16:07:00 Today, April 12th, is our official due date. As you can probably guess by the lack of pictures or excitement conveyed in this post, there is no baby. We have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon where the baby will be monitored for 20 minutes, and we’ll get another sonogram. Our doctor told us previously that ...
An Ending
2007-04-10 07:18:00 Tonight, Kandis and I went out on what may have been our last outing before parenthood. It was a great run, and we had a lot of good times, but everything has to end. Sure, I’ll miss it, but everything I’ve heard tells me that the coming years will bring a lot of fun and ... More About: Ending
A Ripe Old Age
2007-04-07 20:51:00 It seems like only a few years ago, Kandis and I were in our mid-twenties, having a grand old time and living it up. We’d stay up as long as we wanted, and sleep the day away if we felt like it. My, how times done changed! This morning, we found ourselves up at 7 ... More About: Old Age
Graduation
2007-04-05 01:00:00 Last night was our final childbirth class. If you’re an expectant couple, and ever want to meet a friendly, happy group of people, I recommend attending one of these sessions. We had fun and got to meet some nice people who will all probably receive an email the day our kid is born. What a ... More About: Graduation , Adua
Zen Riddle: What?s the sound of one advertisement shutting the hell up?
2007-04-03 18:45:00 Last night, I was perusing a website that contained advertisements. I’ve got nothing against advertisements, and if they can generate some cash for you, go for it. The problem starts when those advertisements start talking to me, and in some cases, yelling at me. My first experiences with the web were in 1994, when HTML and ... More About: Advertisement , Men , Sound , What , Hat
A Hero
2007-04-03 00:58:00 I define a hero as someone who acts altruistically and courageously in the name of something greater than they are. My wife is a hero. For the last nine months, Kandis has endured morning sickness, an expanding body, discomfort, and pain, all with dignity, selflessness, and courage while nurturing and protecting our son in her womb. ... More About: Hero
Keeping the Friends You Have
2007-03-31 01:45:00 One of my buddies invited me out to his bachelor party tomorrow evening. It’s good to know that so far, the fact that I’ll soon be a dad hasn’t scared my non-parent friends away. I’ve expressed concern before (somewhere in the archives here) about losing my friends, and I still hope that doesn’t happen. However, ... More About: Friends , Friend , Keep , Have , Ends
On Schedule
2007-03-30 04:36:00 Kandis and I went to our 38-week baby checkup today. I had been hoping the doctor would discover something that might have prompted her to push the due date up by a week. Unfortunately, we had no suck luck, so we’re still on schedule for April 12th. It was a little disappointing, but two weeks ... More About: Schedule
A Letter to Wall Street
2007-03-26 18:53:00 Dear Wall Street Investors, I have several mutual funds set up, which would provide me with enough money to retire at age 96, and send our unborn son to one week’s worth of college when the time comes. Just because there’s some negative news on last month’s housing sales, does not mean you have to dump ... More About: Letter , Tree
Rock-a-bye?
2007-03-26 02:46:00 How many people remember hearing the following song at some point in their life? Rock -a-bye baby, on the tree top When the wind blows, the cradle will rock When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall Down will come baby, cradle and all Kandis and I were discussing this popular lullaby the other night, and came up with two questions: What ...
The Waiting Game
2007-03-26 02:31:00 Today was it. Kandis declared that we have everything we need for the baby’s arrival. That sounds like a dangerous proclamation, but I have to agree with her. We have a boatload of clothes, diapers, bottles, changing table, Diaper Champ, crib, co-sleeper, and a host of other things that I can’t recall at the moment. ... More About: Game , Waiting , Wait
This Week in Childbirth Class
2007-03-23 00:05:00 Last night in childbirth class, we learned about pain management. The epidural, though it will require that Kandis experience some of the discomfort and pain of labor, sounds like it will be good for both of us. Once the epidural kicks in, Kandis should feel more pressure than true pain, but still have enough feeling ... More About: This , Week , Birth , Child , Class
Perceptions
2007-03-19 23:36:00 One of my biggest fears is not being able to control our son when he gets out of hand, giving off the perception that I have no control over him. I worry about how the public and my family will perceive my effectiveness as a parent, and am driven as much by those external factors ... More About: Perception , Perceptions
Perceptions
2007-03-19 23:36:00 One of my biggest fears is not being able to control our son when he gets out of hand, thus giving off the perception that I have no control over him. I worry about how the public and my family will perceive my effectiveness as a parent, and am driven as much by those external ... More About: Perception , Perceptions
Walking a mile to school in a foot of snow?
2007-03-19 23:21:00 I’ve been thinking a lot about the world our son is going to experience, and how different it will be from the one I experienced as a child. In other words, I’ve been having a lot of “Back in my day…” moments. When I was young, I never understood why adults felt the need to ... More About: School , Walking , Snow , Mile , King
No Moniker
2007-03-17 20:29:00 No, we don’t have a name for the kid yet. We have some ideas we’re tossing around, but won’t be naming him (or publicizing any possibilities) until he is born. We want to see what he looks like, so we can see which of our choices most closely matches his appearance. Silly idea? Maybe, but ... More About: Nike , Moniker
Asking the Tough Questions
More articles from this author:2007-03-17 06:48:00 I’ll be a parent in a few weeks, and I have to ask a question that’s puzzled me for years. Why is it that little toddlers are often running around with no clothes on, or shirtless? This isn’t meant as any form of criticism towards parents, but I’m perplexed and need to know. Is it because… …they’ve ... More About: Skin , Question , Questions , King , Quest 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
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