AdLib, A writer's blogAdLib, A writer's blogA working writer blogs about writing, wine, travel and her personal life Articles
Blech
2007-06-13 14:28:00 Ever have days where you wake up, look at your life and wonder how the hell you got here? Days where you look down at your gigantic belly and realize that you no longer have the options that you might have had just seven months ago? I never thought I'd want out of my marriage or the life I've chosen... And I still don't believe I ever will. But I guess there were times, prior to getting knocked up, that there was an idea -- way out there -- in the very very back of my tiny mind -- that if the crap hit the fan, I could still run away and start again. And now, with a whole other small person coming to live with me, someone for whom I'll be totally responsible (with some help from the man, of course), it's like that door has slammed shut forever. I can't pack it in and move back to New York City to try to live the wild life again. I will probably never again hold a director-level marketing position at some great company that throws kick-ass parties. I will most likely never again... More About: Blech
The Poop Pile
2007-06-11 15:52:00 While I might be from California, none of those who know me well would ever categorize me as particularly "green." Sure, I do the best I can when it comes to recycling and conserving water and energy, but I'm not "granola" by any means and I even still buy hormone-laden poultry and milk. (The horror, I know... sometimes I don't vote Democrat, either!)So when I was asked recently at a baby shower whether we'd be using disposable or cloth diapers, I didn't give the answer a second thought. "You're joking, right?" I asked. I hadn't even considered cloth diapers. All I could think of was that then I'd have to...touch...the...poo... ew. But despite my immediate and vehement reaction, I've been giving the matter some more thought. Like all environmental issues, and all issues revolving around childcare, there are many strong opinions out there about this topic. The best data I could find was from a Proctor and Gamble non-market strategy document (here... More About: Knocked Up , Poop
Why I've Been Busy
2007-06-07 17:02:00 Aside from the obvious expanding girth issue, here are a couple of the other things that have been keeping me busy lately:AmericanStyle ArtsWalk article -- words and a few photos by lil' old me... Continental Golf Fitness article -- with lots of thanks to golf pro Kris Moe, who runs a great school in Sonoma, CA... More to come... More About: Been , Busy
I'll be back
2007-06-06 15:54:00 Hopefully absence really does make the heart grow fonder... I've been gone for about a week, so apologies on not posting here. I'm in a bit of a catch-up game now, but will drop back in as soon as life has fallen back into place. More About: Back
If Billy Joel Were Pregnant
2007-05-30 14:11:00 Maybe he has been... because at the moment, that song "Pressure" seems particularly apt. Ow. And also, I want one of these... or these... so cute! Ow. More About: Pregnant , Knocked Up , Billy Joel , Billy , Joel
Memorial Day
2007-05-29 15:59:00 Well, I'd love to say that we put out the flag and stood around giving thanks for our military men and women this Memo rial Day . I'd love to tell you that I at least thought to thank my own husband for his service to our country...or that it would have occurred to me to thank the other men and women he works with when we saw them at a BBQ on Saturday...but it didn't. Maybe I get a small pardon, since I live "the military life" in so many ways every day. If it weren't for my appreciation for my husband's dedication to his committment, after all, we would not live here in the Middle of Nowhere. Instead, I spent most of yesterday in bed, feeling like I'd been hit by the pregnancy truck. This is really the first day I've felt crappy in over 7 months, now, so I suppose I shouldn't complain. And it came on the heels of a really great weekend during which I got to reconnect with one of my best friends who drove all the way from NYC to see us! Well, a day late and a dollar ... More About: Marriage , Rial
What I really need...
2007-05-24 19:28:00 Okay, now this is just straightforward blog post idea stealing, but Jenny over at Mama Drama cracks me up on a regular basis and her post today was no exception. At her recommendation, I typed my name and the word "needs" into Google's search bar. According to Google, I need a number of things, including:...to learn what the moon is...help choosing a snake to breed...some vino (AMEN, sister!)...prayer...answers...to make sure that my mom understands my message (gettin' it, Mom?)...to get on the impeachment wagon...to be STOPPED (insert evil villian laugh here...)and lastly, it seems that I need...to wake up! It's eerie, isn't it? Try it out. What do you need? Share with me, people! More About: Really , Ally
Buy This Book!
2007-05-22 15:31:00 I do not have a category called "shameless self promotion," but if I did, I'd include this post there. Regardless of my purpose in sending you to buy this book, however, I can assure you that you will find it an amusing summer read and will thank me in the long run. Plus, they happen to have included one of my travel stories!If you haven't picked up a Travelers' Tales anthology before, you should spend some time checking out the other books on their site as well. These anthologies usually follow a theme (More Sand in My Bra is all humorous travel narrative from women writers, following the concept of the first Sand in My Bra book). The publishers include work from a range of writers, including well-knowns like Pico Ayer, Ayun Halliday and Tim Cahill; celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres; and relative unknowns like, uh, me. More About: Book
Four things...
2007-05-17 15:12:00 Ahh, welcome to today. Today is the day that I share with you four things that annoy the crap out of me. Why, you ask? And the answer to that is number one:1) people who ask why about everything. Some stuff just is. The people on LOST don't KNOW what the creepy black smokey stuff is. They don't talk about why it's there...they just accept that at any moment any one of them could be killed by a cloud of black smoke wielding weapons, and they get on with fighting the Others, predicting the future and trying to figure out if they're in hell or not. Stop asking WHY!2) The new design for snack boxes. This must be a money-saving ploy... what is up with the Special K snack bar boxes -- or the 100-calorie snack boxes? I think the 100-calorie Hostess cupcake boxes do it too... they not longer provide us with the four little flaps on the top (think traditional cereal box structure.) NOW they give us the one flap that we open, thinking, 'La te da, just opening a box like normal...' only ... More About: Things , Four , Thing
The Clothes Whore
2007-05-16 22:29:00 In a moment you'll discover why I've been bad at writing lately. Or why don't I just go ahead and tell you? I have little to say. Let me illustrate. I was thinking about how people sometimes mess up common idioms, and how much funnier they usually are messed up. A few examples came to mind as I was laying around doing next to nothing and pondering this topic here in the middle of nowhere...In college, a friend of mine told me about how he'd been selected in first grade to lead the pledge of allegiance in front of the whole school -- or at least his class, I don't remember. It's better if you picture the whole school in attendance. At any rate, there stood little Don, ready for his proud moment. He began exactly as he always did, reciting the familiar words loudly and clearly, "I led the pigeons to the flag, of the United States of America..." Hilarious. (Do they even do the flag salute anymore or did someone get uppity about the God thing? Good routine if you ask me.... More About: Clothes , Whore , Cloth
Kickin' Like Jackie Chan
2007-05-10 16:58:00 So after worrying that I wasn't getting any bigger...I'm getting BIG. After worrying that I wasn't gaining weight... ahem, no problem.I'd been worried because I couldn't feel the little guy move...he's evidently studying to be a kung fu master already. Three and a half more months to go of this, huh? I am already developing something of a "waddle" -- which terrifies me... I also have this terrible and totally irrational desire to scream to everyone who gives me a sideways look, "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!" Although, I think both are true at this point... I've gone through phases of my life where I chart everything I eat -- partially because I'm an obsessive neurotic, but also because it usually helps me realize just how much fat and sugar I will consume daily if left to my own devices with no monitoring. As I get bigger and my waddle becomes more pronounced, I'm beginning to worry that if I'm putting on mostly the "wrong" kind of weight duri... More About: Jackie Chan , Knocked Up , Like , Kick , Chan
It's the Small Stuff...
2007-05-07 19:06:00 For some reason, the husband decided that Saturday would be a good day for a "date picnic." Despite forecasts of heavy rain, and a bunch of stuff that I wanted to get done, I definitely didn't want to discourage any date-planning on his part (especially when I didn't have to beg for it). So we loaded up the truck with beach towels and books and headed off to pick up some sandwiches. Just as we were leaving the sandwich shop, the rain began. "Still wanna go?" I asked him."Sure," he said. "Maybe it'll just rain for a minute or two." We drove out to a secluded little spot on a hill overlooking the beach, and backed the truck up near the edge. Since it was now officially pouring, we dropped the back seats and made our little picnic spot inside the truck, throwing the door up so that we could see out but were protected from the rain. We ate and talked while we listened to the rain falling around us and to the determined boaters passing on the ri... More About: Marriage , Stuff , Small , Mall
Better be some damned special pants...
2007-05-03 16:00:00 THIS pisses me off. This guy is a freakin' JUDGE... Despite the opinions I've formed about judges based on stupid TV shows like Judge Judy and the People's Court, I have generally held judges in pretty high regard. I thought that in order to attain that stature a person must be practically-minded, rational and overall, fair. Obviously, I was mistaken. Judges are just as lame as everyone else... The thing that's really stupid is that they FOUND this guy's pants. He obviously doesn't care as much about his stupid $1000 suit pants as he does about making a complete ass of himself.Bah! More About: Pants , Special , Better , Ants , Bett
Turtles!
2007-05-02 21:27:00 My parents were here to visit for a week. I think it took just about that long to show them pretty much everything there is to see here in MON, Maryland. We had a lot of fun, though, and even went out for a really nice hike through Calvert Cliffs State Park one day. There's a gentle trail (appropriate for pregnant chicks who lose their breath easily) that leads out to the Chesapeake Bay. We were on the lookout for wildlife while we hiked. While we didn't see any deer, we did see a bunch of turtles -- I've included a shot here. We also saw a smooth lizard that looked freakishly salamanderish to me, along with a muskrat and a couple of swans cruising along the beach in the Bay. If you find yourself in MD, I highly recommend retracing our steps! More About: Turtles
One More Reason to Be Scared
2007-04-23 16:57:00 Okay, I knew that this happened... but I guess I'd been blocking it out until this morning, when I realized that not only am I a scant 4 months away from pushing another human being out of a very delicate part of my anatomy, but that it's not all flowers and lime jello when it happens. Read THIS...Shit. More About: Knocked Up , Care , Reason , More , Scared
Irresponsible Media
2007-04-22 21:32:00 I'm sorry I haven't written in a couple days. I've been trying to figure out what to say. The best I can come up with is:To the American News Media :What the F*@k are you thinking???? By broadcasting the video that the disturbed VA Tech gunman created, you're showing every other poorly adjusted, isolated and mentally disturbed child, teenager and adult that the best way to get the attention they seek is to do something horrible like this. By continually running stories like, "inside the killer's mind -- what led Cho to masacre 32 people..." you are demonstrating to other people with the potential to do the same thing that it will pay off. You are saying, loudly, "do something horrible and we'll make you famous! We'll vindicate you, make you a martyr and prove that those lonely days you spent feeling desperate weren't for nothing!" I think it's terrible that this psycho's name is now a bit of common trivia. By continually broadcasting these kinds of ...
Droppin' Trou
2007-04-18 14:15:00 Am I missing something? Every pair of maternity pants I've bought/been given/found in the street has this cool elastic bandy thing around the top that is supposed to fit "low under the belly." I assumed it was also going to be useful for holding the pants up. But you know what happens when you assume... Every time I sit, stand, get out of the car, reach for something or generally move in any direction, these cleverly designed "pants" threaten to fall down around my knees. And yes, I got the right size -- no other part of any of these pants would fit the rest of me if I attempted to size down. For shits and giggles last night, I vowed to wear my new Old Navy maternity jeans and pretend they were every bit as functional and comfortable as my normal jeans (oh how I miss wearing my beloved Hudsons...) I came up to get ready for bed at the end of the night and looked like I was attempting to adhere to that bizarro hoodlum mens' fashion craze of wearing the crotch be... More About: Knocked Up , Drop
Boys are Messy
2007-04-17 15:44:00 I had to apologize to the husband last night. I really hate that. I hate it when I do stuff that I have to apologize for, but I hate apologizing even more. The good thing is that he's a good match for me in this department -- he always makes it easy for me to say "I'm sorry." I've been in other situations where the apology-accepter held my apology over my head as if it proved in some way that he was better or worse yet, right. Hubby usually just smiles, appreciates me admitting a lack of judgement or error, and gives me a big kiss. I'm pretty lucky. All the same, I hate having to do it. When he gets home from work, sometimes he human tornados through the kitchen, and has a tendency to leave dishes, crumpled paper towels, crumbs and soda drops on the counters. This happens so fast that I often don't notice anything but the final result, which is a mess made in an otherwise usually tidy kitchen. Last night I guess I was already on my way to a bad mood for some reason, a... More About: Marriage , Boys , Mess
Wind and Moderate Success
2007-04-16 19:04:00 The wind is raging here in the middle of nowhere... I couldn't sleep very well last night because it literally sounded like a raging lunatic was trying to shatter all our windows at once. I'm not a snuggly sleeper normally (I like my space), but I was all squashed up against the husband last night, since this noisy wind seems to inspire some kind of childish unease in me. It's really creepy, and they say it will continue until the middle of the night tomorrow. eek. From the content I post here, I guess you probably think I don't do much work. By the standards I used to hold myself to, you'd be right. But in recent weeks, I've actually gotten quite a lot accomplished, but with writing it's always a waiting game... the announcement of your successes comes much earlier than the publication of those successes (possibly making this an odd career choice for a woman notorious for her need for instant gratification). At any rate, lest you think I just sit on my butt and think of... More About: Wind , Success , Rate , Moderate
TODAY
2007-04-13 17:47:00 I'm not the superstitious type. Okay, so I am, actually. But we're still going for our 20 week ultrasound today to hopefully find out the gender of the small alien being that has begun to make my shirts fit in strange and unattractive ways. Hopefully we'll also find out that the little squirt is healthy and doing well, too. I'm pretending to be very non-chalant about all this. But in reality, I've been ridiculously excited about this appointment since I first found out I was preggo. I think knowing the gender (and that all is well) will make the whole thing seem so much more real... not that the rapid eradication of my waistline hasn't made it seem real... but hopefully you know what I mean. One thing that has me a bit nervous is that they want me to come full to the brim of water. I pee about every 2 minutes as it is... I can't imagine downing the recommended 20 ounces and then being subjected to the hospital wait time. ergh. More About: Today
How We Celebrate the Season
2007-04-09 16:11:00 Easter! A day that religions worldwide (okay, the western ones, I think) celebrate for its weighty role in the life and death and rebirth of Christ. Hope I got part of that right at least... as you'll see in a second, we aren't the most religious of peoples.For me, Easter has always been more a celebration of fuzzy bunny rabbits and baby chicks, that crazy plastic glowing grass that goes in the bottom of baskets and eggs that stay hidden about two weeks too long and finally give up their clandestine positions through sheer odor alone. And chocolate. And sugar. And did I mention those marshmallow peepy things? So I thought I'd post a bit of a photo journey into what my Easter held yesterday. (Remember I'm preggo. I don't always allow myself to eat this way... okay, at least most of the time I try really hard not to. I don't know what the husband's excuse is...) Let the parade of sugary crap begin! More About: Celeb , Celebrate , Season , Brat , Rate
WTF?
2007-04-06 14:34:00 I'm too depressed to blog today. The temperature has dropped by, oh, about 30 degrees (I'm not exaggerating), and it's predecticed to friggin' SNOW tomorrow morning. It was EIGHTY on Monday. EIGHTY!!! I'm in no mood for this kind of weather trickery. I'm simply SICK of being cold. I wasn't made for cold weather...I'm from California, for crap's sakes... And dammit, this sucks. I am not pleased.The worst of it is that I finally sucked it up and dropped some cash on maternity clothes, since my own clothes are becoming, ah, ill-fitting. Of course, the one clothing store here in MON, Maryland that carries decent maternity clothes is showing spring and summer styles. Which was fine with me, when I shopped on Tuesday, when it was 75 degrees... But it appears that all those great cute little outfits I bought are to be shoved back into the closet for at least another week while I continue frumping around town in pants held up by rubber bands around the buttons and shirts that offer...
Baby Crap
2007-04-05 14:56:00 I swore I'd never be this woman. I made ghastly comments and even worse faces to my friends when they were in this situation, and now I only wish I could sit across from myself giving me back exactly what I deserve. I am "pregnancy lady." You know what I'm referring to... those pregnant chicks who cannot seem to stop talking about their "condition," and sometimes delve into the rather gory and unappealing details at inappropriate times -- like, say, over a mexican dinner. I really don't want to be this lady, but it doesn't help that I'm surrounded by at least 5 other pregnant ladies who I see at least weekly, and that everyone else I come in contact with seems to have 2 or 7 kids already and professes to have real and genuine interest in my tales of flatulence and acne... Still, as bad as I feel for subjecting people to this endless examination of one of the most frequently undertaken and shockingly normal activities in human life, it is helpful to know that... More About: Baby , Crap
Always Learning
2007-04-05 14:47:00 I started this blog as an expansion of my writing business. It was sort of an effort to show prospective clients that I "get" blogging, and that I can identify with this ever-changing young and hip world that we live in. Stop laughing. Seriously, stop. At least I'm trying, right? I'd hate to have the world pass me by before the age of 40, and it seems like most of the world's momentum is online. Anyway, I will admit to a blogging newbie issue that I've been hiding. I have heard the term "trackback" but haven't bothered to find out what the hell a trackback is...until today. Thanks to a post that is nearly a year old over at 5 Minutes for Mom, I am attempting to use the trackback feature for the very first time. I'm all growed up now.Please, hold your applause. More About: Earn , Learning , Learn , Always , Earning
Babies and Puppies...
2007-04-04 16:22:00 So the more I think about child-rearing, the more I see parallels to puppy training. Remember I said that one of the things that I think stops people from really appreciating how amazing dogs can be is that few people realize how different a well-trained dog is from an untrained or poorly trained dog? I think that the same thing might be said about children. Granted, I'm no expert, though I do hold an elementary teaching credential and have a fair amount of experience working with preschoolers through sixth graders in classroom settings... We had lunch the other day in a little waterfront tourist spot that is actually quite pretty and very near to MON (middle of nowhere, where we live). We had a great time until a family showed up with a very rambunctious little girl who must've been about three. Once seated directly behind us, the little girl commenced screaming loudly and attempting to climb the wall that separated her table from the one on the terrace above, where four adults w... More About: Babies , Pies , Puppies , Babi
Not-so-secret Garden
2007-04-03 14:31:00 We're only here in the middle of nowhere for about a year, as I think I've mentioned before. With that in mind, we rented a beautiful house rather than deciding to buy one (the only reason why I don't have a cute snouty black poochy right now.) As such, I've been sworn not to make any landscaping improvements that would be costly or permanent. However, this place needs something... the lawn looks like crap, but we're told that the homeowner actually didn't do anything to it either, so I water it a couple times a week now that its warmer and pray that it will turn green again on its own soon. I grew up in a house that had incredible "curb appeal" thanks to the careful yard tending of my dedicated parents. Our lawn was always a crisp bright green and perfectly mowed, and the flower beds were in constant bloom. I guess the desire to live in a place that looks cheery from the outside has come with me as I've grown up, and I'm having to restrain myself from buying all k... More About: Garden , Secret , Secret Garden , Arden , Garde
The World I Left Behind...
2007-03-29 16:44:00 When I lived in NYC, I thought I was pretty cool. Maybe I was, maybe not, but either way I was having a damned good time. Online media was just beginning to take off, and I had been lucky enough to be young and willing to accept a big title and a nominal paycheck as Internet companies were just getting formed up. I might not have been on the ground floor, but I was securely ensconsed in an office on floor four or five in what we fondly referred to as "Silicon Alley." There were free parties almost every night, which was my main source of food and alcohol, since I didn't make much and rent in NYC was never a joke. Companies were inventing new ways for people to interact, and we all felt like we were riding the edge of a wave of social and technological innovation the likes of which the business world had never seen. We were inventing new ways to market products and experimenting with advertising and networking methods that hadn't been seen before. It was heady stuff. And ... More About: World , Left , The World , Behind
Baby Books...What a Racket!
2007-03-26 18:17:00 I guess maybe I'm doing the wrong kind of writing. Perhaps I should set out to write a baby book. As I look ahead, imagining my husband and I standing over a squalling infant, shaking our heads at one another in pure cluelessness, I figure I should read a few books about parenting babies instead of just reading books about pregnancy. Seemed like such a good idea until I visited Amazon's parenting section. Now I'm just discouraged and overwhelmed. I can't imagine any other topic that would elicit such varying and vehement viewpoints from otherwise rational people... Do we go with attachment parenting? The Ferber Method? There are about 23 million different "parenting philosophies" that it seems you must choose between in order to even select a book. I couldn't find one called "how to get your baby to eat, sleep and grow like it's supposed to..." (note to crazy militant baby lovers -- I refer to the baby as "it" here only because we do not yet know ... More About: Baby , Books , Book , What , Hat
Spam, Marvelous Spam!
More articles from this author:2007-03-24 17:37:00 I don't know why, but my husband's family is obsessed with SPAM -- the meat product, not the email junk. They have many SPAM-logoed items and have even been caught discussing it's uses in the kitchen (I always thought it was invented purely so that we'd have something to joke about, but it turns out people eat it. Actually out here in Nowhere, MD, people are fond of something called "scrapple," too, which I have yet to try... getting off the point, though.) So I'm not sure if my own obsession with spam -- the email kind -- is simply an adaptation of what I've been exposed to, or if perhaps it stands apart. Either way, I don't open the thousands of annoying emails that pile up in my bulk folders... but I do read the subject lines (sometimes my filters catch legitimate things there), and some of them are undeniably classic. I've shared good ones before, and thought it might be time to share a few more classics from my bulk folder. Feel free to contribute any that hav... More About: Spam , Marvel , Marvelous 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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