passing for normal

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My latest distraction ... ...
2007-07-03 00:15:00
My latest distraction ... This summer ...The only thing there is to be done is to ignore the news and try to find a peaceful artistic space within ..I regress to simpler days and take out my colors my pencils and my old small dreams ..
More About: Distraction , Late , Trac

Stagnating waters Bits of a bird- On the sid...
2007-06-28 14:55:00
Stagnating waters Bits of a bird-On the sidewalk, remnants of the high sky and pieces from a sparrowThere is a boy with curled lashes empty stares behind the deep brown eyesThin skins had fallen in cracks of wisdom and the creases of tomorrowTears in the streams gun powder on the walls and hidden lazy sighsBits of a bird, twisted feathers,Anemones draining on the concrete wet and oozing with silent sorrowsThickened with ailment petals shriveled roots flailing stem standing shyVenom dripping in the green veins growing stiff growing narrowWhat makes a flower a flower- What makes a bird fly?Bits of a bird, stuttering tunes,There is a singing voice, shrieking voice fading in the shadowsThere is a lady reenacting the nightmares of the past waiting to die,Regret repeating, shame-some of it new, some inherited and some borrowedThere is a singing voice, there is a prayer echoing in the corridors of timeThere is a silenced voice, silenced dreams, silenced hopes,A silenced sparrow ?Bits of a ...
More About: Bird , Waters

Love me by all costs Love me when I do not deserve...
2007-06-27 23:27:00
Love me by all costsLove me when I do not deserveThat is when I need it the mostLove me when I deter youWhen I hide and when I bleed in silenceWorry,About me when I do not cryLove my weakness, my failing heartMy fractured insidesWorry ?When I need you not to,The most ?Love me when I push you awayWhen I leave you behindWhen I speak a different languageWhen my limbs burn, when my people dieWhen I shy from helpWhen all is gone and none is leftAnd what stays behind is weak and gray ?Love meYou are all I haveAll I learned all I owned all I lostAnd all I am today ?
More About: Love , Costs , Serve

Last published June 4 ... Eh dakhlak we ni7na lyo...
2007-06-15 02:30:00
Last published June 4 ...Eh dakhlak we ni7na lyom shou?maba3ref.. walid 3ido was killed yesterdaytayyeb monot walla jimmayzehall the same.. all dead anyway.. it's a ghost townand so i heard..kiss ikhto malla baladmafi a7la minno hal baladhalla2 kamenwe law shou masartu reviens toi?je suis amoureuse moi. i went to the embassy and tried to explain.. ya khayye.. i live there..where?you know.. not here.. for now.. halla2 wataniyyeh?yalla salami we cheese?la2 za3tartayyib we ba3den biscuit 3al jimmayzeh and a chocolate shotlet's give it a shot... is it open?they said they will except for sundays we lamma bisir infijarwlak shou masar... ana hon sehraneh
More About: Published

June ... My soul cringing in anticipati...
2007-06-04 06:25:00
June ...My soul cringing in anticipation of the next disaster, a fate we have to master, at the lingering emptiness the clinging accusation of a wilting identity of a withering existence. Carrying life in suitcases afraid of the night under new skies afraid of tomorrow ransoming dignities blackmailed for survival at every arrival. Running away from hearts from a tear at every port from an embrace that takes you back that makes your world crumble that melts the concrete and wipes the colors away from the pages of your days. Hiding forever trembling at the encounter at the onset of a moment of truth a moment of belittlement of awe that ages you every step of the way. powered by ODEO
More About: June , Soul , My Soul , Anti

What?s left of life? Empty is the life of a roman...
2007-04-29 08:14:00
What?s left of life?Empty is the life of a romantic, dark is a life of a poet, blissful is a life with no dreams? Table for one, trip cut in half and memories kept in frames ?So tender when he does not expect it. Sensitive when he will not want it. His alarming heart warming masculine vulnerability. Raw and child like when he cries, uninhibited. The tight lines around his lips that shivered when kissed .. That shivered when in rage? That shivered when touched, only by the skin on the back of her hand. That smirk he is left with, when struck by her smell, when deep in his thoughts. Almost blushing almost feeling her breath on his neck almost tasting her again. His naked tender musky face in the morning. His bare skin glowing without him knowing only to be tucked in under a coat of street dust at the end of the day. Under a coat of sorrows. His fine wrists juxtaposed to his overworked hands. His head resting in his arms when weary. His hair slipping between his fingers. The way he thi...
More About: Life , Left , Oman , Roman

I wear the gray pants laying carelessly on the dre...
2007-04-21 07:43:00
I wear the gray pants laying carelessly on the dresser, a clean shirt, and the boots thrown in the back of the closet. My hair in a knot and some concealer to hide the marks of a night spent thinking of you.I drink my coffee listening to the morning news; refill the cat plate and throw some papers together for work, carelessly?I throw my coat on my chair, check my messages and run out to my eye exam. I am told my eyes do not relax enough and I laugh. I throw my reading glasses in my purse, carelessly and I pick up some lunch.I sit under the sun and eat slowly, looking around me, carelessly. I make some appointments, hair ? facial? I have an important evening coming up ? without you ?I sit at my desk, I look at my screen, carelessly. I book my plans for the summer and make some phone calls. I let my hair down and I stare in the void.What am I doing, here, without you?You told me there is nothing that I cannot do but how come I cannot do this? How come I cannot forget you?I call you ?...
More About: Pants , Ants , Less , Wear , The D

From a distance ... You caught me in the act. In ...
2007-04-16 07:44:00
From a distance ... You caught me in the act. In the most devious act I committed. Why should I wonder how you know. How you always know. I project and you embrace. I explode in tone deaf words, no punctuations, no intonations and you put me back in order. You punctuate and i breathe. You are kept informed and i feel at ease. This is what you do. You bring order to my life. Time goes by and I get more short-breathed and you add calmer tunes to my episodes. You should have known by now. You should have understood that I am tired of your order. That for years gone by, I long for your voice coming unexpectedly through the night and waking me from my sleep. Your voice never comes unexpectedly. Your voice is allotted and your concerns studied and carefully delivered. It kills me. You know the first rain in New York. How wet leaves swaddle up the curbs and exposed guts of earth worms pave a nature disaster under your feet. I am rotting from within. My emotions are spread too thin. I am a ...
More About: Caught , The A

Another break (3anjadd) April ... My favorite mon...
2007-04-01 13:00:00
Another break (3anjadd)April ... My favorite month :)The Lebanese wave of shou fi ma fi moved to facebook.. Blogs are down it seems.Le2ouna hounik. Zouzou ba3d fi inta masheftak.Anyway, khbar about this blogger and some pictures are over there for now ...Posting again after coming back from Lebanon, in few months, and after settling down and will tell you shou bisir.. Shifnekon ..
More About: Break , Another , Favorite , Brea

No hoods. No electric shocks. No beatings. These I...
2007-04-01 03:34:00
No hoods. No electric shocks. No beatings. These Iranians clearly are a very uncivilised bunchTerry JonesSaturday March 31, 2007The Guardian"I share the outrage expressed in the British press over the treatment of our naval personnel accused by Iran of illegally entering their waters. It is a disgrace. We would never dream of treating captives like this - allowing them to smoke cigarettes, for example, even though it has been proven that smoking kills. And as for compelling poor servicewoman Faye Turney to wear a black headscarf, and then allowing the picture to be posted around the world - have the Iranians no concept of civilised behaviour? For God's sake, what's wrong with putting a bag over her head? That's what we do with the Muslims we capture: we put bags over their heads, so it's hard to breathe. Then it's perfectly acceptable to take photographs of them and circulate them to the press because the captives can't be recognised and humiliated in the way these unfortunate...
More About: Hoods , Electric , Beat , Eating

Saturday talk - I?m killing myself this afternoon...
2007-04-01 03:32:00
Saturday talk- I?m killing myself this afternoon- Already? I thought 33 is the age. And did you find the best way yet?- Yes I did. Care to join me?- No I can?t.- Why not?- I have an experiment planned- On a Saturday?- Keeps me from killing myself- Will you miss me-Block the sun, block the moon, don?t let the water specks kiss the shoreTear down that smile and close your eyes nowHold yourself, hide yourself cover up and close the doorAnd say you miss me, I?ll say I miss you even more?- And you won?t be sad?- I?m used to it by now. That?ll be the third time a friend of mine kills himself.
More About: Talk , Saturday , Afternoon , After , Kill

For the time being ... I'll keep the pictur...
2007-03-30 14:56:00
For the time being ... I'll keep the picture up ...
More About: Time , Keep , Bein , Being , The Time

For the time being ... - What did you have for lun...
2007-03-27 07:04:00
For the time being ...- What did you have for lunch?- I grabbed a tuna sandwich from the coffee shop- I thought you weren?t eating bread anymore- I was in a hurry. So what?s up?- I?m leaving you- Yeah I figured that much- We?re not in love- No we?re not. We tried though- We did. We have a good thing here.- Great but not enough yeah?- Yeah. Right?- I don?t know. I know I love you as much as I can love these days- That?s bullshit- Yes it is. Ok then- Oh well. It is what it is...- Aha yes. Anyone in mind?- Not really. Well ?- You bastard- What?- See I still feel jealous. I must love you then.- Na.. We both know how possessive you are- Yeah you?re right but why am I always scared to leave you?- Because you also hate change. This has nothing to do with me.- Yeah true. See how much you know me? Who will know me like you? No we?re staying together.- We are?- Yeah. Hey for now at least. I mean I am leaving anyway. Oh did I tell you I?m leaving? Yes I found a job in California and I?m leavin...
More About: Time , Have , Bein , Being , The Time

What sells? Even if your heart is in it, even if ...
2007-03-26 15:15:00
What sells?Even if your heart is in it, even if your hard work and devotion was put forth, it is all in the presentation. This is the American way. It is all about a clean extensive consistent brainwashing propaganda.From advertising to journalism, bridging the gap between manufacturer and consumer, between leader and followers, the means are by all means and the story behind the news is news in itself. Flooding the markets with rotten products and our life and brains with rotten concepts and mere lies, you have to leave some credit sometimes for their imagination and initiative and their respect of our intellect and our approval. There is nothing I like more than a smart ad. It gives me the illusion that I, as a target audience, matter.What pains me today though, is that it is all there for us to see. Nothing is covertly hidden for our common basic human taste. The teeth of the empire snatch morsels from the world and it is all done in arrogance and distaste and condescension. How...
More About: Heart , Sell

Don't want to grow up! We don't want to give st...
2007-03-25 13:09:00
Don't want to grow up!We don't want to give stupid lectures and have stupid jobs and carry stupid labtops around to stupid meetings ...We want to dance and be silly and never grow up and never leave each other...Why is it that we have to keep saying stupid goodbyes in this country every couple of years...Bad enough it takes so long to make a home for ourselves from scratch, we have to do this all the time now ... Everything is changing and it is my highest stress level possible ...I'm having meltdowns ... No i know .. A lot of people do it all the time and get adapted fairly quickly ... Bastards! We invest in our careers but we also invest in the people we love. We don't have to drift apart even when we're apart? not true! It's not the same. If i don't see you in a couple of years i probably will forget your face and your habits and why i loved you in the first place. Someone said to me that i'm always stuck in the past. Well of course i am. My present keeps changing and my ...
More About: Give , Want , Grow

TUFFA7A On a sleepless night ... She was born ...
2007-03-25 10:39:00
TUFFA7A On a sleepless night ... She was born and she seemed sad ...
More About: Night , Sleep , Less , Eple

Broken hymns of the olive land ... I stand...
2007-03-25 09:04:00
Broken hymns of the olive land ... I stand with open arms a chorus behind me with nothing to say and my eyes tearyI hang by a thread from base to abyss, my neck stretched and my back wearyThe years unravel throwing morsels of letdowns and putdowns my wayI wait in patience and good faith for a gift from above for a much better dayDark are my words dim are the signs endless is the night scary is a life without questI would have lived as I wished thrown of life what I wished and taken the bestHair avalanching colors of life and arms inebriated with the moist peck of the oceanChuckles breaking in the background and hearts racing skipping beats without cautionTheir shadows haunted mine imprisoned my heart in shackles and tied the restFar on the hills echoes of my madness cascading pain of the world on their chestTheir eyes on my walls their fingers in my daily bread my olives a bitter potionA story of boiling hate that masks by the weight of living the magic of creationI stand with open ...
More About: Live , Land , Hymn , Broken , Stand

Left alone ... We are more and more alienated. M...
2007-03-25 05:23:00
Left alone ...We are more and more alienated.More and more dispensable.More and more unfairly treated, belittled, left alone,More and more ?More and more mockedby our spouses,mockedby our bosses,mockedby our governments,Left alone ...By our children, our neighbors, our loved ones,our friends,left alone ...By the world, by the gods, by the skiesMore and more endangered, enraged, entangled-together-on a stage,and at the end left alone ...Used and abused and stepped on and pushed aside.Used and overused flipped and thrown by the tides.Used and seduced and laid flat and left alone.Panting and chanting and ranting and spinning,a fever of pilgrimage from dusk to dawn,a fever of passion turned paper-turned stone.Behind the scenes behind the curtains behind the doors,left alone ...Oozing squealing tiny screams from heads thrown-on pillows of hay pillows of silk pillows of tears-sawn with strings of light strings that break,that disappear,that fall apart,till the morning light,Left alone.Ima...
More About: Left , Alien , Lone , Alone

The iron man As the golden rays tenderly reinvade ...
2007-03-21 23:58:00
The iron manAs the golden rays tenderly reinvade our days. As the shy Spring springs the first promise of summer and heat and fun, everyone around me seems to be falling in love. I am falling in love too. I am falling in love with Bobby Flay. I am. This is serious! I am clearly not one of those teenage girls who fall in love with television characters so where is this coming from? I really love him. I?m obsessing with the guy. I can talk about him for hours. I know everything about him. Anyone knows him? He?s a New Yorker so it?s not like I?m falling for a Hollywood personality. Now that would be tacky. He?s also very real so this is not coming from an immature fantasy. Real? He?s an iron chef.. How could that be real? Iron chef, how sexy is that? I need to be put behind iron bars, now that?s for certain. I have been staying up all night, every night for the past week to watch reruns of his show. I'm exhausted and very busy these days to be doing this. Again, anyone knows him? Seri...
More About: Iron Man , Invade , Ender , Rays , Golden

Happy mother's day! I recommend this website if y...
2007-03-21 23:13:00
Happy mother's day!I recommend this website if you want to send flowers back home. It's always on time and their flowers are beautiful.
More About: Website , Happy , Mother , Comm , S Day

Suicide building, yeah right! Palestinians need a...
2007-03-21 05:52:00
Suicide building, yeah right!Palestinians need an impossible to obtain permit in order to escape the demolition of their homes built on land they own, while settlers get military protection but i gave up on fairness and empathy on the Israeli side long ago.And nothing we didn't already know and argue here but i gave up on logic and honesty on that side long ago.While you might be predisposed to some ideas growing up, the strongest opinions of others and the character-changing lessons in life are really the ones you form based on what you live and what you experience. We don't propagate hate, we just propagate ourselves. We are who society makes of us. We are the result of a global collective human interaction that will be affected by international politics, economics and culture. In today's wars, racism, commercialism and globalization of cheap ideas, cheap lives double lanes and fast gains, what a sad generation we must be raising!
More About: Building , Suicide , Tinian , Right , Need

Ya 3youn Baghdad ... powered by ODEO Four year...
2007-03-20 05:33:00
Ya 3youn Baghdad ...powered by ODEOFour years ...
More About: Year , Odeo

La Pedrera Some chapter ... She...
2007-03-20 01:47:00
La PedreraSome chapter ...She sat across the table from him, loosely following his gestures. Her lazy looks wandered around the old French cabin only to rest her eyes on her glass and then on his eyes. The tip of that decadent red encircled her existence that night. She oscillated between her half clear glass and her half-lit cigarette and half a smile. The smell of cognac invaded the intimate aroma of her wine which seemed to protect her from a world she was not ready for. He looked right through her. They locked eyes sporadically and it was enough to send fire through her spine. She guzzled her wine to allow her nerves to catch up with his. She took the chance while he was deeply engaged in his conversation at the other end to examine him. His silence as he listened was somehow more forceful than his words. He had a pleasant air about him. He had a mysterious quality wrapped in his years. He had a fire inside him secretly disguised in his carefully pleated scarf that hid the color...
More About: Chapter

In bold letters It took me years to forget the pai...
2007-03-18 18:34:00
In bold lettersIt took me years to forget the pain. I was dysfunctional for months at a time. I cried for almost a year. I loved you with all that I was and you were cold enough to have a secret life? back then ? You shamed me in your disloyalty and shook my young pride to the core ? back then ? You were a set back in all my relationships. The challenge that haunted me since ... the distrust that came with the game since then ?As it turns out, I am not interested in glimpses of the past. I summon the pain to wash it out but I don?t have it in me anymore. The memory doesn?t hurt anymore. I am indifferent to who you are, where you are and what you do.All I am to you now is a memory and this is how it should be. I said pack your memories and go and leave the past in the past ?Even the friendship had passed, just leave me be ...I never want to see you again ..
More About: Journal , Letters , Years , Year , Ears

A pro-active care label (link)
2007-03-16 05:20:00
A pro-active care label (link)
More About: Link , Care , Label , Active , Abel

Very funny blog
2007-03-16 04:03:00
Very funny blog
More About: Funny , Blog

Some foolish things... - You sound calm - Renewed ...
2007-03-12 11:26:00
Some foolish things...- You sound calm- Renewed appreciation of disaster- Like the girl I used to know- Renewed sense of self- You sound happier- Renewed confidence in life- Still lonely?- Just alone- And happier?- I just sometimes need to be left alone- Then why do you go out of your way to be loved?- With accepting one?s mortality there?s a need to be remembered- And calmer now why?- The feeling of loss finally left me and my heart is full of hope- The loss is still there, what have you gained?- Everything I haven?t noticed in the meantime,the birds in the skythe salty breeze in Julythe promise of winter daysForgotten as the snow melts awayThe moment you know you're shedding your last tearThe excitement of welcoming a new yearThe feeling as you spread your armsembracing the morning lightYour secret whispers to fate every night your chukles under the sheetsthe warm sand under your feetSunsets and flowers and smells you loveMissing every moment you were with someone you loveSongs t...
More About: Journal , Sound , Things , Thing , Calm

First sign of growing up when sitting in m...
2007-03-12 07:08:00
First sign of growing upwhen sitting in men's laps puts them to sleepsecond signwhen your body can?t catch up with youwhen the best part of a late night out is coming back homewhen flirting feels merely exhausting and getting men?s attention just irrelevantwhen instead of wanting to dance all night, you want to talk and, if ever possible, connect to others..when you don?t seek approval but you like to surround yourself by social behavior you approve of..when your 57 year old professor says you became too cynicalThe best part of growing up is loving who you are with all the good and the bad and realizing but embracing that it is too late to change and that you like that you can't..
More About: Sign , When , First , Wing , Growing

Still on the road...Still making our way to get t...
2007-03-10 23:10:00
Still on the road...Still making our way to get there..How many times i tell you the joy is in the journeyand how many times you say we live tomorrow but we struggle today.. Tomorrow comes and the day after and every Spring we dream of summer...this blog is well over a year now,nothing has changed i remember your first post like it was yesterdayand you remember minewe started this to get closer as you moved away...i remember,i remember well..the first month was exciting. we found our lost love for poetry and writing. we stayed up to chat and comment and we met new people. the second month we started painting. we painted images of the night and of long walks in the park. the third we went on vacations and send letters from far away places. the fourth we shared a taste of what we love. we renewed our promises and we sang for each other. we explored the town day and night. the fifth we turned political and we hurt. the sixth we hurt some more. we bonded over war stories and memories of...
More About: Stil , King , Still , Road , On The Road

Under the sun ... And away..It has been a blur. Ho...
2007-03-03 18:58:00
Under the sun ... And away..It has been a blur. Hotels and cabs and airports. Fix a talk here. Interview there. Give a talk here and there. In and between, i found my heaven ...I can't remember the last time i was this happy...As it turns out, life can be just amazing!It is summer here but happy soon-to-be Spring everyone.
More About: The Sun , Away , Under , Blur , Been